It's a blur of white, black and grey as she scrolls through the documents. Page after page of records flash on the screen of her laptop as she attempts to locate the one she needs. Her pointer finger continues to push the down arrow that brings up one file after the other. She's trying to do her research on her own - figuring it'll help keep her mind occupied by something other than him. But how she's going about it, simply skimming the first few sentences or some paragraphs isn't as productive as she'd hoped and it's doing a terrible job of diverting her thoughts.
She reaches a point where she's sure that she overlooked the document in question but she continues on. The music playing softly in the background calms her a little and she even begins to hum along in another attempt to distract herself - hoping the melodies and lyrics will let her thoughts slow.
Then the music stops and her focus is pulled away from the screen as her phone buzzes next to her. Her eyes fleet in the direction of the offending device but she decides against answering it and goes back to scrolling through the laptop set in front of her. She realizes she must have pressed a couple different buttons during the brief disturbance because instead of looking at a document, she finds that she's stumbled across a picture. And with it comes a memory from years ago that causes her breath to hitch. A sad smile graces her face as she recalls when she took the picture - soon forgetting about the case and getting lost in the image displayed before her. Her eyes travel along his features, admiring the part of his face not obscured by his black cowboy hat. His jawline sharp and defined even while he still had that baby face. His skin was smooth and void of the thick stubble that now adorns his handsome face. The creases in his cheeks, next to the corner of his mouth are clear and crisp as he smiled - laughing at something she said to him. And she wrecks her brain trying to think of what exactly coaxed that grin from him but when she can't think of it she goes back to looking at the picture. The mountains set behind him stand tall and rigid in all their glory providing a stark contrast to the beauty of the young man perfectly in focus in the middle of the frame. It seems like no time passes at all before her gaze once again gets pulled away from the computer screen.
A halfhearted chuckle makes it way through her lips as she sees Nadia struggling to bring in what appears to be all the groceries. The younger woman's petite frame looks seconds away from toppling over as she stumbles towards the kitchen. And Erin is quick to help her - moving away from the breakfast bar and trying to grab as many bags as possible before turning back in the direction she came from. They quietly put away the food - both of them distributing the items in their bags to the appropriate places within the cupboards and fridge.
Nadia gets done before Erin and sits down on the same stool her new roommate just vacated. A small smirk comes to her face when she sees the picture on the screen.
"I thought you were going to work on the case today?" Nadia looks at Erin over the screen as the latter puts away the last of the groceries.
"I am." Erin shrugs and Nadia raises an eyebrow at her.
"I didn't realize that the case involved you looking at a young cowboy." Nadia teases and Erin tucks some stray hairs that have fallen out of her ponytail behind her ear before giving her friend a short and faint hum to acknowledge her statement.
"Is this Jay?" The younger of the two woman asks next - not waiting for an answer because she can tell by the way Erin is avoiding eye contact that it is. "I barely recognized him at first."
"It's an old picture. I must have taken it close to seventeen years ago." Erin replies as she too takes a seat, this time on the stool next to the one she's occupied for the better part of the day. Her heart begins to ache again, in the same way it has been for the last two weeks as her eyes land on the photo once more.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Nadia pries even though she's sure she'll get shut out since she's had a hard time getting Erin to talk in the time she's been staying with her - Erin having been pretty tight lipped about how she's coping since the first night she was here.
"The picture or Jay?" It's a follow-up that Nadia was not expecting and it takes her a minute to actually come up with an appropriate answer.
"Both or whichever you want. But maybe it'll help you feel better to get something - any of what you've been feeling since you got here, off your chest." Nadia tells her and Erin nods - knowing that she hasn't said much about Jay since the day of their fight. She's tried to focus on the case and her living situation rather than how badly she screwed things up with him. Taking a deep breath, she braces herself for what she's about to reveal. And then suddenly she feels it all come back to her, like the day she took the picture was yesterday and she feels herself get pulled right back there. Even the joke she failed to recall just a half hour ago becomes vivid.
She adjusts the strap on her mom's old camera before bringing it up in front of her face and tweaks the focus.
"I heard if you hold those things too close to your face for long enough that they'll become a permanent part of your features." He jokes as she climbs onto the fence.
"Yeah, I think I heard something similar about working with animals." She rebuttals while keeping the camera up.
"That so?" He pushes and she nods.
"Mhm. In fact I thought you were upset about something before but now I think the long face is from spending too much time with the horses." She adds and it earns her a hearty laugh from him. Her finger presses down on the button - capturing the moment in a quick snap shot.
"And here I thought that you liked my rugged good looks." He looks up after a beat and sends her a wink.
The butterflies take flight in her stomach and she holds onto that feeling for as long as she can before she decides to reply. But she doesn't get a chance to try and deny the remark before Justin runs over to the corral.
"Jay, Jay can you show me how to throw rope again?" Her little brother asks and Erin rolls her eyes at the interruption.
"Justin!" Erin scolds and both her brother and Jay look at her confused.
"Please?" Justin says next, thinking his sister yelled at him in reference to his lack of manners.
"I'll be right there bud, why don't you go get a couple rope from the stables." Jay answers the young boy but he keeps his eyes set on her.
Once Justin runs off Jay walks over to where Erin is still sitting on the fence. He pats her knee and that gets her to look up at him.
"Don't worry, I'll come hang out with you later." He tells her and she tries but fails to hide the smile that's tugging at her lips. His hand gives her thigh a gentle squeeze and then he moves to take the horse he had in the pen with him back to the stables.
She's just about to walk up the steps of their front porch when she hears their laughs echo through the valley. Her stomach flutters again at the sight as Jay ruffles Justin's hair and then picks up his hat - figuring that Justin must have knocked it right off Jay's head somehow. She can't hear what they're saying but she can see that Jay is telling her brother what to do before letting the younger boy attempt to replicate the act. Justin twirls the rope above his head and then tosses it - the loop landing on one of the horns of the fake cattle - made specifically for practicing to lasso. The eight year old jumps up and down while Jay holds his hand out for Justin to give him a high five. And even though she was initially annoyed that Justin showed up, she had to admit that this moment between her little brother and her best friend was utterly adorable. A smile nearly splits her face in two - spreading wide from ear-to-ear as she gives them one more glance and then makes her way inside to develop the pictures she took.
Erin sniffles as her flashback continues in her head.
"My dad was the first one to try and teach Justin how to rope a calf. But that didn't last long-" She chuckles sadly and takes a moment to compose herself. "He had gotten frustrated because Justin was afraid of the calf. So my mom tried with the roping dummy and even she couldn't handle Justin's inability to focus. But Jay saw how upset my brother was with the idea of waiting until he was older to learn to rope. And the next day Jay had set up the ring with the fake calf and different ropes before doing his usual work. Justin was excited when he was told it was for him. He had quickly become obsessed and Jay was his new best friend. I think this was taken a week or so after that first lesson."
"Is that when you fell in love with Jay?"
Erin shrugs as she stands to get herself some water before leaning back against the counter, facing Nadia still. She takes a quick sip and then she replies "I think it happened over time. There were a lot of moments, big and small, where I thought I had fallen for him but I just brushed it off and told myself it couldn't be because he was my best friend. Then suddenly, without even realizing it, there was this feeling that came to me whenever I was with him or every time I thought about him and it wasn't one I could shake so easily."
The younger woman's brown eyes are wide and full of wonder - looking as though she's hanging onto every word Erin is saying.
"But I guess that day was one of those times that I couldn't deny it." Erin adds, nodding her head a little and looking down at the glass in her hand. "My mom was always so good with both me and Justin, she was able to put up with our antics like my dad never could. I had always thought that she was the most indulgent person ever but Jay was pretty close in those moments and it was simply astonishing and captivating. He's the most altruistic and patient man I've ever met and those are two of the most endearing things about him."
The tumbler in his hand is moved from side to side, causing the amber liquid inside to splash and swirl around in different directions. He curses to himself when he realizes that the alcohol isn't doing it's job. The whiskey's supposed to numb him to it all but instead it seems to intensify the agony he feels in his heart. It's meant to drown out the noise - the ramblings in his head yet it only makes everything louder. And every painful memory plays out on a small, figurative screen that's been nailed to the forefront of his mind.
He shoots back the rest of the drink and wordlessly gestures to the bartender for a refill as he slams the glass back down.
"Maybe you should slow down there old friend, save some for the rest of us." An unfamiliar voice slurs from somewhere next to him but Jay doesn't respond - his hands clenching into fists and the muscles in his arms tensing and flexing.
His gaze stays in front of him as he chooses his words.
"Maybe you should mind your own damn business, old friend." Jay puts extra emphasis on the last two words and he doesn't even recognize his own voice - the sentence coming off his tongue in a lower and rougher way than usual.
"Oh c'mon. Can't you take a joke?" The drunken stranger murmurs next as he places a hand on Jay's shoulder.
"Don't touch me." Jay growls, feeling his patience quickly melting away. He shrugs the other man's hand off and grits his teeth.
"What's your fucking problem?" The guy says as he pokes Jay's shoulder causing him to tense even more.
Jay stands while quickly finishing the whiskey the bartender just gave him. He pulls his right hand down his beard - wiping away the beads of alcohol caught in the coarse hairs above his upper lip as he grabs his wallet with his left hand.
He tosses a few bills on the bar top and nods his head at the bartender in a silent 'thank you' as he moves around the stool before continuing towards the door. His feet don't seem to take him far before he feels a hand on his other shoulder.
"I'm talking to you asshole." The guy says a little louder as a glass beer bottle is thrown, hitting the floor and shattering right next to Jay's feet. Some of the glass crunches beneath his boots as he turns around. His fist clench again - preparing for the jackass in front of him to say or do something else. Jay's vision is blurred - already seeing red when he sees the smug grin on the other guy's face. This is what the arrogant and annoying stranger wanted. It seems he came to the bar just to piss someone off. Luckily for him, he found the perfect target in Jay. Because he was hurting and looking for something to block out the pain. He wasn't in his right mind and was impatient and more irritable than usual.
The smaller guy takes a step towards Jay and then another before taking the first swing but Jay dodges his fist. Then Jay punches his gut and the guy lets out a painful groan for a minute before rushing forward again. Jay's hits are surprisingly calculated and precise considering how many drinks he had while the other man looks like he's seconds away from falling on his ass with every uncoordinated swing. The guy's friend who was just standing back until now, seems to take pity on his friend and joins in the brawl. Jay still manages to hold them off - an elbow to his jaw being the only hit that fazes him and it only adds fuel to the angry fire burning deep within him. His fist connects with one of the guy's nose - hearing a distinct crack echo through the otherwise quiet bar. Then he slams the first guy's head against the bar top. The hit stuns him and he remains still for a moment before attempting to get away from Jay.
"You ever approach me again, that bar top will be the last thing you fucking see." Jay warns and though he's not exactly sober, he's coherent enough to register the worried look on the other man's face.
Jay shakes his head - feeling quite victorious for a moment before he feels a sharp pain in his side. And it becomes his main focus as four police officers walk into the bar.
The two other men are escorted out in handcuffs first before Jay is walked out by an actual old friend, Antonio Dawson.
"I think I need to go to the hospital." Jay admits as he sees the blood seeping through his blue and black flannel as the lights turn on in the back of the squad car.
"What for?" Antonio chuckles, not thinking Jay's being serious.
"To get the shard of glass taken out of my side." Jay grumbles as he leans forward so his head is resting against the grate separating the front and back seats.
Antonio whips his head around then and immediately notices the glass Jay's referring to and the blood that's surrounding it.
"It doesn't even look that bad." He jokes but Jay doesn't respond even though he's still conscious and can hear what Antonio's saying.
"Hey Jay, you stay with me." Antonio adds, all joking aside, being replaced with a more serious tone. He radios into the nearest hospital and turns on his sirens and lights as he speeds up.
"Talk to me Jay. Tell me what you've up to." He murmurs as calmly as he can.
"I screwed up Tony." Jay says sadly - his mind returning to her.
"You're going to have to be more specific than that. What did you screw up this time?" Antonio is just trying keep things light - hoping to keep both their minds off the fact that Jay's actively bleeding from a stab wound.
"I blew it with Erin." He elaborates and Antonio isn't sure what to say. He thinks back to a couple days before when he ran into Erin at the convenience store in town. He could tell that she was sad and looked lost but he just thought it may have been from the case or being back in Montana. They didn't get to talk much before he had to get back to patrol, having only stopped to get a snack to eat on the road. But now it makes sense, she was upset and he knows why - or at least part of the reason. He feels for his friends and he hopes they can figure things out.
"Well once they get that glass out of your side, maybe you should steer clear of bars and try to fix things with her." Antonio tells him honestly and Jay nods but doesn't get a chance to say anything else as they arrive at the entrance of the ED.
Once Jay is walked into the building, Antonio parks the squad car away from the ambulance bay and calls into his Sergeant about his whereabouts. Then he switches over to Jay's phone and scrolls through his contacts until he gets to Erin. He hesitates for a moment before pressing the green phone icon and bringing it up to his ear. It only rings once before she picks up.
"Jay?" He feels a little regretful when he hears the confusion and worry in her voice.
"Jay, are you there? Are you ok?" She says next and that gets Antonio to answer her.
"Hey. Sorry Erin, it's Antonio." He replies and she sighs.
"Hey Tony, is everything ok? Why are you calling from Jay's phone?" She asks, followed by some rustling in the background on her end of the call and he pinches the bridge of his nose and nods as if she can see him.
"He's ok. He just got himself into some trouble at Red's. Would you be able to meet me at the ED?" He tries to keep his voice at a neutral tone, not wanting to worry her anymore than she already is.
"I'll be right there." She answers with a door slamming behind her. There's a few mumbled words of how she'll see him soon before the call ends.
He decides to go inside and wait for her there - hoping to get an update on Jay before she gets to the hospital. But he figures that she must have made dozens of traffic violations because she's there in record time.
It's not until she's walking towards him that he realizes how much he underestimated just how concerned she was. The lines on her forehead are so deep and prominent that the wrinkles look like the may become permanent features on her face. Her lips form a pout that reminds him of his kids when they're upset about something. But perhaps, the biggest indicator of how worried sick he made her, is her eyes. Her hazel orbs are rimmed red, all puffy and bloodshot looking as though she's been on the verge of tears for days and he thinks maybe she has. And it's all of these things that make him think about Jay's words of how he 'blew it' with her. He just wishes that Jay could see her in this moment and see for himself that he didn't screw things up as bad as he thought. Then Antonio remembers his own reply and hopes that this will be what both of his friends need to fix what they had.
She combs her fingers through her hair a couple times and begins to pace as Antonio relays what he was told happened at the bar. The words of her friend aren't fully absorbed, she only catches bits and pieces as thoughts of Jay - good and bad memories of him flash through her mind. Her feet moving rhythmically over the linoleum floor of the waiting room. She feels her heart sinking lower and lower with each passing minute. And the ache she feels throughout her body only ebbs when a middle aged man wearing teal scrubs approaches them with a somber look on his face. Then it's as if her heart and her breathing and the entire world slows to stop as he gives them an update.
A/N: I had most of this chapter done and I originally just had the bar fight but saw the request for Jay whump and decided to start it here since it fit into this part of the story nicely. I hope you like this little filler and that you all are having a great weekend so far. Thanks for reading and as always nice reviews are much appreciated!
