The sight of the injured foal attempting to trot around the corral as his mom eats off to the side brings a small smile to Erin's face. Her eyes travel over the healing cuts and the reddish brown, uneven patches and splotches set sporadically across the mare's white coat. And when she lands on the adult horse's face, seeing her gather more food in her mouth before she lifts her head and turns so she's facing Erin, causes the latter to think back to the night of the attack. The words she whispered to the mare and inadvertently to Jay replay on a loop in her mind. Then her memory fast forwards to the day and conversation that followed and her heart aches.

After the last dish was set to dry next to the sink, Nadia went to the guest room, knowingly leaving Erin and Jay to talk. But that was over an hour ago and neither of them have uttered so much as a single word to the other since - choosing instead to put on another movie - even though they didn't actually watch the last one. Both of them too lost in their thoughts. She doesn't know how to bring it back up or how to start it off, and he doesn't want to push her anymore than he already has. So they've decided to stay quiet, that is until he goes to get a beer and asks if she'd like one. Her only response is to nod meekly, and then he's up and moving into the kitchen. She stays seated - waiting in the same spot, against the arm of the couch and in the position she's been in for the last couple hours since they finished dinner.

"We don't have to talk about it, you know." He reminds her as he hands over one of the two beers in his hand as he takes a seat next to her, and she nods again while looking down at the bottle.

"I know, but I need to - I've wanted to since it happened actually. I just didn't know how to bring it up." She admits, and then he nods but doesn't say anything else at first.

"When did it happen?" He asks first, figuring something small could possibly help start the big conversation.

Tears come to her eyes again, and she moves her head to the side in a way that gets the hair out of her face as she blinks away the perspiration accumulating along her eyelids.

She just replies with the month - knowing he'll be able to figure out the timeline with just the one word.

"The baby was mine?" He poses it as a rhetorical question - letting her know that he's just thinking out loud but she nods and tells him that she hadn't been with anyone else in between the times that they were together. Then she feels the cushion next to her dip and then the one beneath her as he moves closer - bringing his free hand up to rest on the middle of her back. His simple touch allows her a reverie for a moment as he rubs soothing circles into the muscles along her spine. She gets lost in the feeling before taking a few deep breaths.

"At first, I uh... I thought that I was just sick, mainly because I wasn't late and had gone through my normal cycles the previous two months. But one week of throwing up almost everything turned into two, and then my breasts became really sore. The next thing I knew, I was at the closest pharmacy, buying a couple of tests. I went straight home with every intention of taking them right away. But I couldn't do it. You'd think it'd be simple, just pee on the stick and wait the desingnated time, right?" She lets out a sad chuckle and sighs as she shakes her head.

"Leave it to me to find the easiest of concepts so hard. But when I thought about it, I guess I just didn't expect it to be like that. Even though I wasn't sure if I wanted kids and I didn't know where you stood either. At some point I still pictured it with the hopeful, nervous dad-to-be there with me or at least waiting anxiously in the next room - not hundreds of miles away in a different state." She sniffles, and he squeezes her knee.

"I eventually took a couple of the tests and set the timer. All but one came up positive. I felt like the room was spinning, and my heart was pounding. I cried, threw up, sat down on the edge of the tub, and cried some more. Then, I stared down at my phone in one hand while I held the first positive test in the other. I stared at that test as I dialed your number." She pauses to take a swig of her beer and feels him move even closer - the rough denim of his blue jeans brushing against the smooth skin of her leg.

"But I didn't answer." He whispers and she shrugs while bringing the bottle back down.

"I thought about trying you again but decided it wasn't exactly something I wanted to tell you over the phone. So I pulled up the web browser instead and looked up flights. The next one wasn't for a few days and though I wanted to get here and tell you as soon as possible. I also knew that I'd need to sort some things out. So I booked the next flight and tossed my phone aside in favor of looking at the tests again. And over the days to follow I found myself looking at them more and more, almost as if I was checking to see if they'd change. Then I was at the airport, nervously waiting to come back here. And I don't know if it was from the fact that I was pregnant with your baby, how we were going to work things out or the idea of being back in Montana but it felt like I couldn't breathe. I still don't know how I managed to fall asleep before the plane even took off but I did and I only woke up for some turbulence about a half hour before we were slated to land."

"Erin." Jay whispers, sensing that this is where the memory becomes dark before she even moves out of his reach and stands up.

She stills in front of the large, livingroom window. The darkening, blue sky setting a beautiful backdrop to the mountains and it calms her just a little before she continues."It seemed like the minute those wheels hit the ground. I felt a sharp pain in the right side of my abdomen. Like my body knew I was back here...I shook my head of the thought and hoped it'd pass. But it didn't stop as I made my way through the airport. The pain got worse, a physical pain like I'd never experienced before. It was so bad I ran to the closest garbage can and I threw up before sitting down to find blood between my thighs. I went to the E.D. and they did an ultrasound, along with some tests and found that it was an ectopic pregnancy." She takes in his reflection in the window as he stands up and moves towards her. He stops halfway and a look of perplexity comes to his face.

"The embryo was implanted in one of my fallopian tubes instead of the wall of my uterus. There was no way for it to be moved or for it to reach full term." She sniffles with that as she continues to look at his reflection for a moment longer before looking down at her feet.

"The doctor said my fallopian tube appeared damaged on the ultrasound. So they told me I had to have surgery to remove the embryo and the fallopian tube if it couldn't be repaired." She hears him take a few steps but he's moving away this time before walking towards her and retreating once again. And she realizes that he's begun pacing. It makes her heart heavy as the silence stretches on - nothing but his boots hitting the floor and her clamorous breaths filling the air.

"Did anyone know?" He asks after a beat.

"No." She shakes her head for emphasis, still not being able to turn around. "I thought about calling you, Nadia and my dad even. But I couldn't do it - especially with you. I thought it'd be better to just get the surgery done and go back to Chicago."

"It was my baby too Erin. I deserved to know." His voice is stammering with anger but she knows it's only because he's hurt and worried.

"You don't think I considered that? Do you really think I wanted to go through that alone? To go into that hospital with our baby growing inside me and leave by myself with nothing but a new scar?"

"You don't get to act like there was no other option. That was your choice to do it alone. You know you could have called me and I would have been there in an instant. I would have wanted to be there for you - no matter the outcome." He snarls at her and she angrily wipes at her cheeks as her tears continue to fall.

"You're right it was my choice, just like it was yours to leave Chicago and come back here. But unlike your choice. It wasn't one that I took lightly." She yells back and he stops pacing to look at her.

"Because I didn't want to do that to you. To make you feel how I felt about it - like I was getting a family and a life with you just to get it taken away - again." She murmurs into the small amount of space between them. "We had just decided not to be together and I already felt like we lost a piece of us. And the idea of what would happen if I told you, it scared the hell out of me - even more than going through the surgery alone."

"So you weren't going to tell me at all?"

"Of course I was."

"Were you really though Erin? Because it's been almost a year and you're just now telling me after I overheard you saying it to a fucking horse." He pulls his hand down his face in an attempt to calm himself but it doesn't work. He's hurt but it quickly turns to anger within and he can't stop the next words that come from his mouth. "Or were you just waiting for when you were ready to go back to Chicago to tell me, so you could use it as an excuse to push me away?"

"I really was going to tell you Jay. But it seems me saying that to you isn't changing your mind. Because you want to use it as another excuse to push me away. Since you've been so deadset on doing exactly that since I got here." She bites back and he's stunned to silence with that. She immediately sees how taken aback he is and she goes to apologize but he shakes his head to stop her. He gives her a heartbroken look as he moves over to her to place a kiss to her temple.

"I'm going to go before one of us says something else we'll regret." Then he walks away from her, grabbing his hat along the way. Her chest quakes as he leaves - the door slamming shut behind him.

Her flashback pulls her in so deep that she didn't even notice the other woman making her way towards the cabin and up onto the porch. She's only broken from her thoughts when she hears a few knocks and turns her head to find Hailey with her fist still held up next to the railing of the porch.

"Hey." The blonde says with a smile as she walks closer to Erin.

"Hey Hailey, what are you doing here?" Erin greets her back as she stands up and Hailey narrows her eyes at her in question.

"Good to see you too Lindsay." Hailey chuckles lightly and Erin smirks at the use of her middle name - something only Hailey has ever called her by.

"Sorry, I just thought you're supposed to be at home." Erin replies and Hailey nods as she looks down at the small bump in her coat.

"We are, but they needed a farrier because one of the bulls has a nail in his hoof. I was going to pass her off to Greg, but he's not close-by." Hailey explains, and it's Erin's turn to nod.

"I was just about to take her back home, but I saw you and wanted to come say hi." Hailey adds as Erin gets close enough to see the infant nestled safely within the oversized coat.

"She's beautiful." Erin smiles down at the little one as her blue eyes look up at her.

"Thank you." Hailey says to her old friend as she takes in the still pronounced frown lines on the brunette's forehead even as the smile lingers on her face.

She doesn't press for answers right away - instead asking if she can use the restroom to which Erin nods and leads the way into the cabin. Hailey unzips her coat and asks if Erin can hold the baby for a moment. Though Erin feels a bit hesitant, she nods immediately and cradles the tiny bundle securely but gently in her arms.

She feels her heart clench in a familiar way as she takes in the baby's soft features. The blonde wisps of hair sticking out from the bottom of the beanie she's wearing, her button nose, and beautifully vibrant blue eyes showcasing both of her parents' genes. It causes tears to flood Erin's eyes as she wonders what her and Jay's baby would have looked like.

"She's two months, right?" Erin's gaze only wavering from the little one when she hears Hailey re-eneter the living room.

Hailey's eyebrows furrow in confusion as she nods but she sits down on the arm of the couch opposite of Erin and waits to hear if there's a follow-up that'd explain that question or if there's anything her friend wants to get off her chest.

Erin becomes quiet for a few moments as she thinks about how the babies would have been close in age. She smiles sadly with the thought.

"I know we're not as close as we used to be but is there anything I can take off your plate?" Hailey asks, seeing Erin on the verge of tears while holding her baby.

Erin nods and sighs - debating whether or not she wants to say what's on her mind but it seems she can't keep the secret she's held in for the last ten months, now that Jay knows, she feels she can finally vent to someone about it. So, with another deep breath and one more glance at the infant sleeping soundly in her arms, she relays everything from last week's conversation to today.

She finds herself incredibly grateful when Hailey doesn't try to relate to her. And she's relieved when she doesn't give her the whole. 'It's not your fault. It's a lot more common than women realize.' speech that she was given at the hospital. Because, even though Erin knows those words all put together were meant to make her feel better, she can't say it helped at all.

Erin tries to read what the other woman is thinking but besides the sad expression on the blonde's face; she gets nothing.

"Greg told me that Jay has been going up to his mountain cabin a lot. Is that why?" Hailey questions first and Erin shakes her head as she explains that the horse's are up there.

"So he's still staying here?" Hailey presses on and it has Erin wondering how that is relevant.

"Yeah, he said he can't keep us safe if he's not here if or when something happens."

"Which means he's not upset enough to go back on his word. He still wants to protect you." Hailey states and Erin both shrugs and nods at her point.

"You two have always felt like you had to deal with things alone. Like it would be this tremendous burden if you leaned on someone else - especially if that someone was each other. But in this instance, I can say it actually makes sense. What you went through when you were kids - losing your families and then having to deal with this loss on top of everything else." Hailey stops with that - not missing the way Erin visibly flinches with the last sentence. She gives her a minute and then continues. "You guys need time and space to grieve on your own - you learn how to process your pain before you can let the other in. As if to stop each other from hurting anymore. He's taking his time to process; just let him and when he's ready he'll be back. So if he's who you want to be with then you'll have to stick it out - you both do, if what you have is ever going to work." Hailey tells her and it actually makes Erin think before she nods in agreement because the way the other woman described her and Jay was to a tee and it all makes sense.

"Thanks Hails." Erin smiles sadly as their eyes briefly meet again and then Erin's gaze moves back down to the baby.

"I can watch her if you need me to." Erin adds after a minute or so and Hailey tilts her head in question for a moment.

Hailey starts to reply to the offer. "I wouldn't -"

"It was just a suggestion, if you don't want to leave her with-"

"It's not that at all. I just don't want to ask that of you." Hailey interrupts this time to explain and Erin shakes her head.

"I guess it's a good thing you didn't technically ask." Erin tells her and Hailey still looks speculative even as she grabs her things she set on the entryway bench.

"Are you sure?" Hailey asks once more while she's pulling on the thick black coat.

"Yes." Erin says as she walks towards the door.

"If you need anything, just call me and I'll be right back." Hailey whispers as she finishes placing a gentle kiss to the soft skin of her baby's cheek.

"Sammy, tell your mom we'll be fine." Erin murmurs after hearing the infant sigh in her sleep.

"Thanks Erin." Hailey says before leaving.

Erin moves back into the living room and takes a seat on the couch. She criss crosses her legs and gently transfers Sammy to lie on her lap, with her beanie covered head resting against the crook of her right knee. And Poppy jumps onto the couch and lays her head on Erin's other thigh. The puppy's one blue and one green eye intently watching over the little human as she sleeps. Erin smiles at them and then grabs the open laptop she set on the middle cushion when she decided to take a break from work a little over an hour ago. The hand not resting on the baby's right leg, skips across the keyboard as she picks up where she left off - adding in facts that'll help solidify their case against the family of rustlers.

Erin nods in satisfaction with herself as she reads over the document on the screen before looking at the baby once again. The little one still sound asleep as Erin continues to sweep her thumb back and forth over the soft, olive green fleece covering Sammy's legs.

She zones out again - much like when she was watching the horses outside. But this time it doesn't seem long before someone is walking into the house. She can hear the heavy footsteps - letting her know that it's not Nadia and then there's a few things being moved around as they linger in the entryway for a couple minutes before he walks further into the house, his head is down as he walks towards her.

"Hey." He murmurs while he moves around the coffee table and sits on the edge directly in front of her.

Erin simply repeats his greeting as his eyes meet hers.

"Hi Sammy Jo." Jay smiles as Sammy opens her eyes and he reaches over to touch the baby's right hand as she clenches a fist. The moment - though small - causes Erin's chest to tighten. Then he pulls back and sits up straight and the moment is over.

"Mouse said he'll be here in a couple minutes to pick her up." He nods towards the baby.

She gives him a sad, tight lipped smile as she stands up and moves just as there's a knock at the door. He stays put as he hears her talk to Mouse for a moment before bidding him and the baby goodnight and closing the door shortly thereafter.

"Where's Nadia?" She asks as she walks back into the room with her arms crossed over her chest - a simple act but it causes shame to wash over him knowing that she's put her walls up because of him and how he reacted to an already heartbreaking conversation. But he refocuses on the question she just asked instead of thinking more into the way things are between them.

"She said she was going to help the wranglers out at the stables." He shrugs - still not quite sure what Nadia meant when she said that or who she was so eager to supposedly help.

"Hmm." Erin seems intrigued too - he can tell by the look on her face but neither of them comment anymore on the subject.

"Did you already go up to the cabin?" Erin wonders as she sits back down on the couch - reaching over the middle cushion to grab her laptop and shut it down.

He just shakes his head as he continues looks over at her. "I'm just going to wait for Kevin to get done for the night and then I'll be going up." He adds, his gaze still cast downwards.

"Oh? So you're staying up there for the night?" She questions next and he shakes his head, making her think that he'd be back tonight like he's been doing.

"I uh...I'm staying there for the weekend." He tells her as he scratches the back of his neck - thinking about asking her to come with then but decides against it.

It's just for the weekend she repeats in her head and yet, she feels her heart sink with the thought. Then she goes back to her conversation with Hailey and how he needs time to process by himself before they can make their way back to them. So she just nods and looks down at her lap to hide the disappointed look on her face.

"I'm going to go take a shower. But I think I'll be ok until Kevin gets here, if you wanted to head out before it gets too dark." She gives him at small smirk that she's sure comes off as more of a grimace as she once again pushes off the couch.

"Erin." He whispers just before she steps out of the room. She leans against the doorway, taking a deep, shuttering breath and then turns around. There's a brief moment where neither of them utters a word - both of them trying to think of what to say. She can tell he wants to apologize and ask for a little more time but she shakes her head. Because he doesn't need to feel guilty when she was the one who hurt him - again. But for some reason those aren't the words that fall from her lips.

"It's ok." She murmurs instead as she blinks back tears. "I get it." She adds and he gives her a small, appreciative nod for not pushing him.

"I'll see you in a couple days." She nods back and then she turns back around and goes upstairs.

He covers his face with both of his hands and then pulls them down to his chin - thinking that wasn't how he wanted things to go with her. But he doesn't sit there pondering for long - choosing instead to grab what he needs for the weekend and then going outside to pack up the four wheeler. He tells himself that maybe a few days away will help him sort through everything before making things right with her. And inside, she's thinking the same thing about him as she steps into the shower - the hot water instantly easing the tension throughout her body. But even with those thoughts and though she told him that he could go - she's still sad to see that his stuff is gone from the entryway when she gets done with her shower - letting her know that he left.

The sound of Nadia giggling throws her off a little and pulls her focus off of Jay as she descends the rest of the stairs. She waits at the bottom to make sure she's not going to walk in on a private moment but when Kevin walks into view, fully clothed, she knows it's safe to proceed. She smiles at the two of them - neither of them noticing her presence just yet - too busy ogling each other. But when she walks into the kitchen, Nadia spots her. The younger of the two women whispers something to Kevin causing him to nod before she's making her way over to her friend.

"Hey, you ok? It seemed like Jay left pretty quickly." She states, worry evident both in her warm brown eyes and her voice.

Erin just shakes her head but doesn't answer verbally. The glass in her hand is moved under the faucet and gets filled to the brim before Erin cuts off the water. She nods towards the livingroom - more specifically the couch where Kevin is sitting. He's leant back with his feet propped up on the coffee table.

"You and Kev, huh?" Erin smiles and Nadia tries but fails to bite back a grin of her own. The latter doesn't say anything as she too looks at the man in front of them.

"I'm happy for you Nads. He's a good guy - the type of man you deserve." Erin continues after a few more moments of silence.

"I could say the same about you and Jay." Nadia says back and Erin looks down at the glass of water in her hand.

"I can ask Kevin to leave for a little bit, if you want to talk about it freely." Nadia suggests but Erin immediately shakes her head.

"Thanks but no, you two enjoy your night - your weekend. I'm going to call it a night and I'll try to make myself scarce for the next couple days, this place is plenty big enough." Erin tells her and she can see the younger woman open her mouth, about to refute but Erin shakes her head to stop her friend. Nadia pulls her into a quick hug and Erin lets out a sad laugh.

"But you're telling me how this came about come Monday." Erin winks as she side steps her friend and moves to exit the kitchen.

"Goodnight Nads. Goodnight Kev." She says just before she starts up the stairs.


The plush, soft bed cushions her as she falls back onto it. Her mind continues to run wild as she stares up at the ceiling. She knows it'll be another sleepless night, so she gets up to open the curtains and then lays back down with Poppy jumping up and resting her head on Erin's side. Erin smiles at the young dog and pets her head as they both stare out at the star filled sky and the full moon illuminating the mountains in the distance. She can faintly hear the TV downstairs echoing off of the walls but she soon tunes the noise out. She pulls one of the pillows into her chest and clenches it close to her as she thinks about Jay.

She's not sure how long she's lying there, staring out the window before she manages to fall asleep. But then the floor creaks, the small noise taking her from her slumber and causing an uneasy feeling to come over her as the door slowly opens. Poppy lifts her head off of Erin's side and begins to growl at whoever just entered the room. Erin's eyes fleet to where she knows the pistol is hidden under the nightstand closest to her - not giving it a second thought as she quickly reaches for it hearing the approaching footsteps. She turns to look at the other person in the room once she takes the cool metal into her hand. Her heart begins to pound even harder in her chest as she meets the familiar eyes of the man in front of her.


A/N: Sorry for the delay in this update and for the dialogue heaviness of this chapter. I did want to clarify that I have Nadia aged around/closer to Kevin, Adam and Kim's age (early/mid twenties) in this fic. And as with the rest of the story, this is another unedited chapter and I apologize for all the mistakes. I hope it wasn't too predictable and that I'm able to update on the sooner side with the next chapter. Thank you to those of you that have stayed with me for this story and I'm looking forward to reading your nice reviews about what you think of this piece. I hope you have a great weekend and that you're staying safe!