She's not sure how long she's lying there, staring out the window before she manages to fall asleep. But then the floor creaks, the small noise taking her from her slumber and causing an uneasy feeling to come over her as the door slowly opens. Poppy lifts her head off of Erin's side and begins to growl at whoever just entered the room. Erin's eyes fleet to where she knows the pistol is hidden under the nightstand closest to her - not giving it a second thought as she quickly reaches for it hearing the approaching footsteps. She turns to look at the other person in the room once she takes the cool metal into her hand. Her heart begins to pound even harder as she meets the familiar eyes of the man in front of her.
A chill runs up her spine as she looks into the cold, dark orbs peering through the dirty blonde curls covering the top half of his face. Beads of water dripping off the strands and cascading down his cheeks as a terrifying sneer pulls at his lips. Then he takes another step closer and she grips the gun just a little tighter as she brings it higher. Poppy continues to growl but remains close to Erin, her attention, too, set solely on the intruder. The defensive noise coming from the puppy becomes deeper and raspier the closer the man gets. Then he's sitting at the foot of the bed and that's when Poppy sits up and places one of her front legs over both Erin's legs still crossed at the ankles. The young dog lowers her head and snaps - chomping at the air with a rumbling bark while showing her teeth to the person posing a threat to her new human. It causes him to flinch but the sickening grin remains, still not saying anything as he looks from the dog to the other side of the bed. That's when Erin notices Jay lying there on his side of the bed - appearing to be sleeping peacefully. Her heart clenches with worry as she takes him in and then the other man moves, regaining Erin's attention. Despite the newfound concern and fear that he's going to hurt Jay, she doesn't waver under the brown eyes staring her down. Her back is kept straight and her head held high as she stares back at him. She does have to bite her lip to keep it from quivering - not wanting him to see what his presence is doing to her on the inside. But when he lunges forward toward her, she can't help but scream just as the gun goes off.
Her arms swing - hitting a couple of the pillows surrounding her as well as the headboard - the faint pain from her hand meeting the wood is what pulls her out of the nightmare she was engrossed in. And her first response is to reach over to his side of the bed. Her head falls back onto the pillow when she remembers that he's not there with her. She wishes with everything in her that he was - that she hadn't hurt him so bad that he decided to spend more time away. Tears fall from her eyes and roll over her temples on both sides, the drops hitting the pillowcase with delicate, almost inaudible thuds. But she doesn't remain lying there for long before she's getting up and leaving the room.
The wire twists with ease - the pliers in his hand securing the last part of the new fence expanding the perimeter of his mountain cabin to ensure his horses can't wander off while also giving them more space to roam his property. He nods in satisfaction and picks up the roll of sharp steel wire to take over to the ATV. Once back at the stables, he puts the fencing and tools in the small storage unit before going to let out the animals. The mustang is the last one he gets to - clipping a lead to his halter and clicking his tongue to get him to move with him. The dark grey stallion is much calmer than he was when Jay first caught him but there's still moments where he shows his captor that he's still very much a feral animal. And this is one of those times, as the large animal pulls back on the rope in Jay's hand as he attempts to rear but the way Jay is holding the lead prevents him from doing so.
"Easy." Jay whispers sternly - feeling the blue rope warm the suede gloves on his hands as he looks ahead at the other two horse rolling around in the grass. "Easy." He repeats as the mustang pulls back again.
"If you calm down then you'll be able to do whatever you want in just a minute." Jay tells him and continues leading the horse to the other large corral he built just for him. Once he closes the gate behind them, he slowly reaches over to unclip the lead from the halter and then the mustang takes off - soon galloping around the enclosed area, seemingly without a care in the world. The usually frantic and anxious animal appears surprisingly calm and at ease as he slows to check out his new space and then he drops down and flips over to rub his back on the dry, tan grass just like the other horses. But unlike the other two he gets up rather quickly and trots over to where Jay is now standing on the outside of the fence.
"See, what'd I tell you?" Jay chuckles as he reaches out just as the horse stops right in front of him. The mustang huffs and moves back but then steps forward again - allowing for Jay to pet his long face. Jay's mind travels back in time - to a random memory as his hand gently sweeps over the deep grey hair covering the horse's snout.
Voight hasn't stopped grumbling since it happened over a half hour ago - even as the herd is coerced back into the corral, he won't let up. It makes Jay feel even more disappointed in himself - having been the one that left the gate to the holding pen full of cows and calves, open, which allowed for them to run back out to pasture and evade the rest of wranglers trying to vaccinate them. He felt a little better having rectified the problem he created but that relief is short lived as Voight's booming voice tells him to go reclean the stables instead of helping vaccinate the herd.
"Dad that's not fair! It was an accident and he got them right back into the pen." Erin argues from her spot on the fence while Jay avoids his boss' gaze and moves to go do as he was told.
Her dad only acknowledges her words with a short huff - looking at the older wranglers and ordering them around the pen. Then he moves his horse over to his daughter and whispers something to her. Jay is still close enough to see her roll her eyes as she jumps down without listening to the rest of her dad's reprimand.
"Erin!" Voight yells but she just continues towards the house. He shakes his head and turns his attention to Jay.
"Didn't I tell you to go?" It was a rhetorical question but Jay still nods and then turns back in the direction of the stables.
Once he's done with the one stall that actually needed to be redone, he sits down on a bail of hay and metaphorically kicks himself for making such a mistake. Then he hears horseshoes clicking against the concrete floor of the stables - approaching him slowly. He doesn't move his gaze from the door of the stall in front of him but he can soon tell who it is walking along with the horse, just by the soft taps of their feet meeting the floor.
"You shouldn't be disappointed in yourself." She states, getting his attention on her. She gives him one of her usual dimpled smiles and he can't help but smile back sadly.
"Why not?" He counters and she raises an eyebrow at him.
"Because he's always extra grumpy when he argues with my mom and it was an accident. It's not like you intentionally left the gate open, right?" She asks and he nods.
"Great. Now let's go before my dad comes over here." She tells him as she leads Ziggy out the door opposite of the one she came in through. He wants to question where they're going and wonders if he should really be leaving the stables before shrugging and going to get his horse.
The stallion stepping away brings Jay back to the present and he questions what caused the horse to move before realizing that someone has joined them. His hand instinctively reaches for the gun in the back of his waistband before his eyes land on her.
"He's come a long way." She whispers and all he can manage is a simple nod, his hand quickly leaving the gun as he takes her in - wondering what she's doing up here.
"Still seems to take to you better." He smirks halfheartedly and she smiles sadly back.
She's quite taken aback by the remark - or more accurately the way he said it in such a joking way but she decides to bask in the moment while it lasts. "Jealous?"
"Of the horse?" His eyebrows furrow with that question and she finds his expression utterly adorable. "No." He says answering his own question.
"But I am a little hurt that Poppy chose you over me." Jay admits and she lets out a short chuckle as they both look at the puppy as she looks up at Erin.
The moment ends and the lightheartedness stops there. The air seems to become heavy and thick in a sense as both of them grow quiet.
"What are you doing here?" Jay asks, not meaning for his voice to suddenly come off so cold.
"I know you need time but I figured, maybe, we could try to start over? If not, if you want or need me to go then I will." Her eyes meeting his and he nods again as they both watch the mustang walk away.
"Did you come up here by yourself?" He questions, taking in Zane as he stands near the corral with his other two horses.
"Technically, no" She answers quickly while she looks down at Poppy again who has come to stand beside her.
Jay shakes his head because that's something he would say too but she knows that's not what he meant. "The puppy and horse don't count."
There's another pregnant pause as he goes to let Zane into the corral - taking off his saddle and taking it to the barn. He listens to hear if she's following him before he continues with his next question. Having this sneaking suspicion that she just left in the middle of the night. "You at least told Kevin and Nadia that you were leaving, right?"
"I woke up early this morning after a bad dream and when I went downstairs, they were both asleep on the couch." She begins to explain and Jay raises an eyebrow at her.
She nods. "I know, I was a little surprised too."
Then she shrugs as she thinks about their friends cuddled up together just a few hours ago. She finds herself thinking about if they got her message or at least saw her note by now as she tells Jay that she did leave something to let them know she left and where she was headed.
"I thought about staying upstairs until they woke up, so I could tell them but I just wanted to see you and I didn't want to wait." She hears him take a deep breath as he walks into the stables and it makes her nervous. Waiting outside seems like the better option as she thinks that she really messed things up this time.
She's broken from her thoughts by a thunderous boom - looking up to see the grey clouds gathering in the sky. And the scene seems to make her aware of how cold she is. When he walks back out by her she notices that he's in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt - somehow appearing warm while she's shivering with her teeth chattering as she stands there in a long sleeve shirt, flannel, coat, beanie and jeans as the wind picks up and the temperature drops further. But she reminds herself that he's always run warm and often forgoes a jacket when he knows he'll be working. She's once again snapped out of her thoughts when it starts to rain and she feels herself instantly become colder with the first few drops.
He chuckles sadly at her and gestures towards the cabin - silently suggesting for them to go inside. She looks over at the horses, watching them move to stand under the shelters built within the corrals and then she nods - letting him lead the way.
By the time they get into the house, both of their clothes are soaked through and she can tell that even he's cold now. There's an awkward silence that falls over them as they take off their boots and when he's done he goes upstairs without a word. She stays put - not wanting to get too comfortable just in case things don't go the way she hopes they will.
He comes back down a few minutes later having changed into a dry shirt and sweatpants. And balanced in his hand is a couple towels and a folded flannel on top.
It's obvious to him that she's at war with herself - thinking about whether it was a good idea to come up here or not. He can tell she's hesitant to take the items from him. And that bothers him, that he has managed to make her feel unwelcomed or unwanted.
"Hey." He whispers to get her to look up at him and thats when he sees the tears accumulating in her eyes.
"I'm glad you're here." He adds as he holds his hand out to offer her the towels and dry shirt again. She nods her thanks but gives him a confused look as she takes the things from him.
"I'll start a fire while you go change, so you don't freeze while we talk." He says and she nods before heading upstairs to change.
When she gets back downstairs he's sitting on the table set in the middle of the living room, facing the fireplace and using a metal stick to rearrange the wood within until it's all burning.
She wraps her arms around her midsection as she makes her way to the couch just as he stands up and places the iron stick back in it's place on the rack. He then grabs the blanket from the back of the chair closest to the fireplace. Both of their hearts pound as he steps closer to her and lays the soft, wool blanket on her bare legs as he takes a seat next to her. She again questions coming up to the cabin when he keeps his body facing forward - showing that he's keeping himself closed off to try avoiding being hurt even more.
The words she wants to say to him first are throw around in her head - wanting to make sure she says what she feels without pushing him further away.
"You said that you had a bad dream?" He asks before she can formulate the right words and she looks stunned but nods her head as she begins to tell him about the nightmare she had a few hours ago.
"When I actually woke up, I reached out for you." She adds after a deep breath and then she chances a glance at him.
"...I just wanted you." She admits and he looks down in shame - wishing he had been with her. Lumps form in both of their throats after she utters those four words - preventing them from saying something that could help comfort the other.
But he muscles through and clears his throat a couple times before testing out his voice.
"I thought about asking you to come up with me last night but I talked myself out of it." He tells her and it causes a perplexed look to cross her features as she once again meets his gaze. Her eyebrows knit together and lines form on her forehead as she silently asks 'really?'. He nods and explains earnestly.
"I guess, I just didn't want to be disappointed again if you didn't want to - if you rejected my offer." He mumbles to her and she feels her heart break a little more with his use of the word again.
"Jay, I-" She cuts herself off because she isn't sure what she was going to say to that.
So she murmurs the only thing that feels right in that moment.
"I'm sorry for hurting you - for disappointing you again." She steels herself so he doesn't try to stop her apology and comfort her like he usually would and she's thankful when he stays put and lets her get the simple sentence out.
"I hurt you first Erin. I could have stayed in Chicago like you asked. If I had, maybe we would have a family - our family." He replies and she shakes her head - not being able to keep up her façade anymore. Her tears fall with his guilt ridden voice and now she understands why he reacted the way he did last week when she told him about her - their lost pregnancy. She leans over and wraps her arms around him. To her relief he doesn't tense or pull away from her - instead he melts into her embrace.
"That was not on you - you can't blame yourself Jay. No matter where either of us were, the baby would have still been in my fallopian tube and there was no way for them to survive that." She argues - her breath ghosting over the skin of his temple, trying to get him to see that he can't and shouldn't take responsibility for what happened.
"Maybe, but I should have been there for you. If I hadn't come back here, I could have been with you. And you wouldn't have felt like you couldn't tell me. I'm angry and I'm disappointed but not at you...I know it's on me." He admits as he wraps one arm around her stomach while his other hand grips one of her thighs in a way that she's sure will leave a bruise. But she doesn't move - instead holding him closer, her arms tightening around him.
She shakes her head again. "If it's not on me then it's definitely not on you Jay."
Her head comes to rest in the crook of his neck and presses a kiss against his skin - both of them staying still despite their physically uncomfortable and awkward position.
"You shouldn't be disappointed in yourself at all babe." She says much like she did in that memory he recalled a little bit ago but he doesn't think about it for long before she continues. "I was always planning on telling you and when it happened I dialed your number so many times but I couldn't do it. I didn't call because I was scared."
He looks at her confused then as he shifts back but not quite moving out of her arms. "And one of the reasons was that I knew you would try to take all of the pain and the blame. That's just who you are and I didn't want you to do that to yourself. It's still true now, I don't want you to feel shame or regret. Especially when it was something no one - not even you could have prevented." She explains and he nods as he moves them around a little so he can pull her into him.
He smiles fondly at her as she stays in the space next to him. Their earlier conversation was another one that took a lot out of them but it was cathartic and it made him incredibly grateful that she decided to come see him. He just hopes that they can stay in a good place - no more pushing each other away and he actually prays that they're here to stay.
He thinks about going to make them some dinner but decides against it as her warm body remains molded to his. And the feeling stays even as her breathing becomes uneven and she starts tracing patterns in his forearm - letting him know she's awake.
"Are you hungry?" He eventually asks and he thinks she declines with a shake of her head against his chest but he can't be sure.
"Erin." He says, wanting her to look at him and answer honestly.
"I don't want to move." She tells him and he nods in agreement.
"Me either but that's not what I asked." He chuckles lightly against her forehead. She kisses his tattooed arm pressed between her chest and his side.
"I could eat." She shrugs one shoulder and he nods as he presses a kiss to her head before moving to get off the couch - narrowly avoiding stepping on Poppy who's lying on the floor in between the table and couch. And he shakes his head at the puppy with a smile on his face as she quickly moves up by Erin.
"You're supposed my house dog Pop." He jokes as he looks at the young dog and Poppy looks up at him, tiliting her head for a moment before turning her attention to Erin who just giggles lightly - at his remark or the puppy's reaction, he's not sure but the noise makes his heart flutter a little all the same.
"You have two other dogs Jay." She points out and he nods because technically speaking that statement is true.
"Yeah but they're working dogs, they spend their time outside with the horses and cattle. That's what they were born to do and that's what they like to do. But Poppy's different, I tried selling her with the rest of the litter but she didn't have the drive to herd, so no one wanted her despite her markings. So I decided to keep her as a house dog." He explains and she nods at that.
"I broke my own rules on letting any of them in the house just for her to become a traitor." He adds jokingly and Erin chuckles again.
She gets up to go the bathroom not long after that and on her way back to the couch she stops at the kitchen. She observes him as he stirs the contents of the pot in front of him.
"You're staring." He murmurs, keeping his eyes casted down at their dinner.
"Sorry." She says and he looks over at her then, seeing the bashful expression on her face and the faint blush on her cheeks.
"Don't be." He tells her before lifting the wooden spoon from the pot and up to his mouth. An appreciative hum rumbles in his throat and he gestures with his free hand to get her to move towards him. Once she's close enough he wraps his arm around her back and pulls her into him to give her the spoon. She gives him a shy smile as he watches intently for her reaction as she tastes the chili he made. He gives her side a gentle squeeze to see if that will help get her to tell him what she thinks.
"Is it ready?" She asks, he shakes his head and she frowns.
"Almost." He tells her as he goes back to tending to the pot - adding in a few more ingredients and stirring it a couple more times before turning the stove off and grabbing two bowls. Then they go back to the couch to eat.
The sun peeks through the curtains and casts warmth through the window, adding to the tranquility of the moment as she slowly wakes up. She rubs her eyes and cuddles into him more - trying to let the beating of his heart lull her back to sleep. And it almost works but the desire to see him - admire him in such a peaceful state - is something she can't resist. Soon her eyelashes flutter and her heavy lids open to take him in. It only takes a moment for her eyes to adjust to the sunlight before she can focus on him. And though there hasn't been more than a couple times where she woke up before him - she realizes now how much she's missed this - seeing him as he is now. Her heart throbs as she memorizes everything about him in this moment. From his tousled hair, to his slightly parted, naturally puckered lips down to the way his arms are positioned - one beside him while the other rests on his stomach as it rises and falls with each even breath he takes. She gets lost in thought as she continues to watch over him while he's so vulnerable and relaxed - thinking that he mustn't have slept well in the nights they were apart as he stays out. Her mind takes her back to a year or so after he moved onto the ranch - remembering a time where she tried to help lift his spirits.
"Great. Now let's go before my dad comes over here." She tells him as she points towards the door in front of her. The way he looks at her suggests that he wants to question where they're going but he just shrugs before going to get his horse.
She thinks he's not going to actually inquire about where their going as they make it about halfway across her family's land. But as they travel further and further away from the ranch - she can tell he's really itching to know where they're going. And after another half hour, he voices his thoughts and asks where she's taking them but she just shakes her head - refusing to tell him.
As they reach the camp grounds bordering the ranch, she thinks he knows her destination but he doesn't ask any more questions and continues to follow her lead. Finally they make it to the clearing in the woods - the sounds of running water already calming them both.
She jumps off Ziggy first - slowly tying the horse to the nearest tree before looking at the light blue body of water before them. He was going to ask her something else - she can tell by the way his mouth opens and then closes but he stops himself when she begins to strip down to her camisole and underwear. She waves her hand to get his attention away from her lack of clothing and can see him visibly gulp before he too, gets off his horse - practically stumbling to the ground.
"Are you sure we're allowed to be here?" He asks nervously as he follows her lead and undresses until he's left in his boxer breifs
She shrugs and then jumps into the hot springs.
"But are you going to let that stop you?" She questions when she resurfaces, seeing him think about it before jumping in right beside her. They start to swim around - splashing each other playfully here and there until it starts to get dark. Then they climb out and get dressed before returning to the ranch.
"I'm going to be in so much trouble when we get back." He realizes and she shakes her head.
"You?...I'm pretty sure I'll be grounded for the rest of my life for running off with you."
"Well it was fun knowing you." He jokes and she rolls her eyes with a smile on her face.
Then they grow quiet - spending the rest of the ride back in silence. But just before she opens the last gate between them and the ranch she stops to turn towards him.
"I'm sorry for whatever punishment he gives you. I just wanted you to stop thinking about letting out the herd - even if just for a little bit." She apologizes but he's not having it. He clicks his tongue to get his horse to move up until its standing right next to Ziggy and then he places his hand on her knee.
"Erin." He whispers.
Then he repeats her name and she realizes that wasn't part of the memory.
"You ok?" He asks as she clears her mind of the flashback.
"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine."
"You sure? Where'd you just go?" He questions next as he sits up a little and it's then that she focuses in on his enticing morning voice.
"That day we spent at the springs as kids."
He smiles as he leans over to kiss her forehead. "I was just thinking about that day yesterday."
"We should go today." She says and he nods eagerly in agreement.
Neither of them rush though - taking their time waking up and packing a small bag of things to bring along to the springs. And once they're ready they meet outside - Jay having gotten the saddles on two of the horses for their trip over.
It's not a long trek and they get to the spot rather quickly. He has to clear the old path that's been covered with various overgrown plants before they see the familiar bright blue water - still just as serene and mystical as the first time they were here together.
He smiles as he thinks back to that day again but when he looks over at her, he worries. Her expression is sad and she seems hesitant but he figures that maybe if he goes first she'll feel comfortable enough to follow. So he begins to strip until there's nothing left on him but his boxer breifs and then he jumps in. When he resurfaces she's still frozen in the same place.
"Don't tell me you're scared?" He pokes fun at her with a small splash. She huffs at him with an almost offended look on her face and starts to disrobe. When she's down to her bra and panties, she tiptoes to the water's edge and sits down so her legs are dangling in. He swims over to her and stands so his chest is flush against her knees and shins. His feet feel around for any boulders or natural formations that could possibly hurt her on the way in before he's cupping the back of her thighs and pulling her into the warm water. They swim around much like they did when they were younger, laughing and having fun but at some point they both grow tired and slow to a stop. He finds a spot to sit - an uneven but comfortable ledge within the hot springs to rest on. While she lingers in the middle of the natural, heated pool for another minute or so. Then she saunters over to him - taking in his expression as she does so and her heart throbs again in a similar way to how it did when she had just woken up and he was still asleep. And her skin tingles when he reaches out to cup the sides of her abdomen and pull her into him more.
Her hazel eyes bore into his blue-green, admiring how the water makes the beautiful color of his eyes pop as they take some time to just be in the moment. Then his gaze travels down until it lands on the scar he discovered not long ago - his chest aching now knowing the story behind how she got it. He moves his right hand over and traces the faint pink line with his thumb before leaning in to press a featherlight kiss there - not missing the way her stomach shakes ever-so-slightly beneath his lips. And when she bends down to kiss the crown of his head - his eyes fall shut for a minute and his lips linger a little longer. Then he pulls back and their eyes meet again - both of them giving the other a small, sad smile as they lean in to kiss on the lips. She lets herself fall into his arms and onto his lap as they remain lip locked. And when they break for air - there's no need for words - at least not at first.
It's not until sometime later when they've repositioned themselves so her back is flush against his front, that she speaks up. "When you said that you had to come back because you're afraid you'll forget the good memories and only remember the bad. I told you that I understood but I didn't - at least not at that time. But now being back here for more than a few hours or days, I can actually say I get it."
"Because whenever I look around, I remember just how many good memories we have in Montana." She tells him and she can feel his beautiful green eyes on her - without a doubt holding so much vulnerability within them.
"And all I keep thinking about is wherever we end up, I want to make more good memories...with you." Those words coming from her, seem to take him by surprise at first as he shifts beneath her and she can honestly say it surprised her when she initially thought it. But she knows that she wants more of this, more good times and fond memories with him.
"That's all I want too." He admits without a moment's hesitation, placing another kiss to her lips after he turns her around and she leans into him.
A/N: Just a little filler but I couldn't keep them apart for too long. Thank you to those still following and especially those reviewing. Hope that you enjoyed this chapter and that the rest of your week goes well!
