A/N: Just a quick note that this chapter as well as the next one consist of time jumps and a lot of back and forth between present time and the night from the last chapter. I hope it's not too confusing, I'm sorry if it is and I apologize for the mistakes! Please review if you enjoy it? Thank you!


It's immeasurable - the torrent of emotions and pain she's felt since that night. It rests heavily on her shoulders. And as her horse takes her further up the mountain, the thought of giving in to that pain, there in the middle of the dense wilderness becomes a more prominent thought. Everything she's been holding in and pushing back comes surging to the surface all while she looks for a good spot to stop.

Tears come to her eyes as she pulls back on the reigns with her free hand. She takes in the yellow wildflowers and thinks about the first time she saw them here. The memory causes her already bleeding heart to ache even more. And the black, metal urn situated on her thigh grows heavier as she comtemplates lying him to rest here. It's not an easy decision - knowing that she won't be able to change it once she lets the ashes - his remains fall from their confines. But it doesn't take her long to continue, slowly moving away from the meadow of flowers where her mother and brother perished - deciding that he needs a place of his own.

The sun hits the pistol holstered to the side of the saddle just in front of her right leg. It gets her attention and she looks down at the old, metal of the but sticking out just enough for quick access if she were to need it. But the thought of having to shoot again makes her sick - her stomach churns and her head spins. She closes her eyes tightly and wills her tears not to fall as her mind rewinds to the night he was taken - the night he was killed.


"Erin." He shakes her shoulder almost violently to wake her up.

"Mmm...come back to bed." She whispers clearly missing the slight panic in his voice.

"No Erin, you have to get up. We have to get out of the house now. They're here." He mutters and she springs forward in a hurry - pulling on her discarded shorts and shirt before taking one of the guns he's retrieved from his closet.

They quietly move down the stairs and rush towards the back of the house just as the front door creaks open. He pushes her into the room - not even attempting to be gentle in his protective and worried haste - before he's closing and locking the door while she opens a window. Once by her side he gestures for her to go out first. She's hesitant as she looks outside and then back at him.

"I'll be right behind you." He promises and she nods as she places her gun in the waistband of her shorts.

"I love you." She whispers and he says it back as she straddles the windowsill before dropping down four feet to the ground - the pain that ripples up from the heel of her feet and through her ankles to the middle of her calf is reminiscent of jumping off a swing as kid. But she doesn't focus on that, choosing to look up at her boyfriend and anxiously waits for him to leave the house. She sees him look back for a moment and then he's following behind her.

"Stay close." He tells her and she nods as they both double check their guns and move around to the front of the cabin.

The gun in her hand is pointed down and his is too, that is until they round the corner of the porch. He hoists his up and points it at the door as they make their way to the main house. He uses his free hand and guides her behind him as he pivots so his back is facing the stables. His gun remains aimed at their cabin as they quickly move backwards.

"Dad?" Erin whispers when she sees her father step out his front door just as shots are fired in the stables.

"I'll head in through the tack room, you two take the front door." Voight instructs before he rounds the corner to the structure before them.

"You good?" Jay asks as he places his free hand on the handle of the door. She only nods first and then replies meekly when she's reminded that his eyes aren't on her. He looks back at her when her voice breaks with the single word - taking a deep breath in hopes that she'll do the same. Both of them know that controlled breathing isn't a magic fix all to help them cope in this situation but it doesn't stop them from trying. Their eyes lock on each other for a second longer and then he's slowly, sliding the door open and leading the way in.

The horse's housed inside the stalls are all making some type of anxious noise - whinnies and neighs sounding throughout and hooves colliding with the walls as they kick in a panic. It takes everything in Erin not to just let them out like she did during the fire a few months ago but she doesn't, knowing they're safer where they are and so is she by Jay's side. More shots ring out and a groan can faintly be heard from their left as they approach the open space of the pathway in center of the stables.Then there's a man stepping in front of them - quickly turning and shooting before Jay can put himself between the other man and Erin. It happens so fast that neither Jay nor Erin realize she's been hit, as Jay squeezes the trigger of his gun at the same time as the person still out of sight to their left. The man drops his weapon just before he falls in a heap on the floor. Jay kicks the gun that was just held tight in the rustlers hand to the side and squats down to check for a pulse. His shakes his head to signal to Erin that the guy's dead and pulls the hood from the bandits head.


She has to take another moment to collect herself - allowing the dulcet tones of the wilderness of Montana ground her. Her eyes shut again and her ears hone in on everything around her. Different noises sounding from every direction. From the wind blowing through the trees and grass, rustling the green branches and golden blades in a subtle way. To the cascading river - a faint whisper coming from the right. The breathing of the horse and dog, as well as her own are barely audible in comparison to the peaceful soundtrack of nature. Zane moves slightly, turning to his left and then stopping when she pulls the reigns again. She looks off to the side, taking in the valley and then to the mountain across the way. The herd is being moved through to a different pasture, most of the livestock moving leisurely about the land.

She smiles sadly seeing the figures forming a U around the cattle. They're too far down for her to hear what they're saying, if they're saying anything at all but judging by the way the horses are just briskly trotting she'd guess the men are riding in silence. There's no instructions needed - at least not at the moment. It's an image that is almost picture perfect - something meant in a tv show, movie or printed on a canvas. But with that thought comes the reminder that they're missing someone - a man that gave his life for the ranch.


"Jay." She whispers to get his attention but when he looks up at her, she's already walking away. His eyebrows furrow in confusion until he sees Voight sitting on a bail of hay, with his back leant up against an outer wall of a stall. He stands up and quickly moves over to the father and daughter. There's a firefight going on outside and Voight seems to notice, even looking past his daughter and his former employee to try and see if his wranglers are ok. But Erin is too focused on the blood coming from his abdomen and Jay's eyes are locked on the wound on a fleshy part of Erin's thigh.

Hank shakes his head and tries to get up. "I'm fine kid. We need to go-"

"No, we're not going anywhere but a hospital Dad." She murmurs while pushing him back down.

"Here." Jay says after pulling off his flannel and having ripped off one of the sleeves, leaving him in just a henley. He hands Erin the flannel expecting her to apply pressure to Voight's abdomen while Jay kneels down to wrap the sleeve around her thigh. Then he's ripping it again, creating two long strips; one is folded and placed on the wound and the other is used to hold the first piece.

"What are -?" She cuts herself off with a pained hiss. He looks up at her with a silent apology.

"Wait here." He tells them and she reluctantly nods.

"Hey." She calls out to him and then he's looking at her again. "Please come back to me."

"Always." He nods back without a moment's hesitation and then he's gone, disappearing around the corner and in the direction they came from. The beating muscle in her chest somehow pumps faster and throbs with the uncertainty of what could happen.

"Kid." Her dad brings her attention back to him. She blinks back her tears and turns her head towards him.

"I'm sorry." He murmurs, his voice coming out even rougher than usual.

"Don't do that. Don't apologize like it's your last chance to. Jay's going to get the truck and we're going to get you to a hospital. You'll be back home in a few days." She sniffles and swallows the lump forming in her throat while glancing down at the blood beginning to seep through and stain the flannel between her hands and his abdomen. "That's when we can apologize."

He chuckles lightly which causes him to begin coughing with blood dripping from the corner of his mouth at the end of the fit. All that can be heard in their moment silence is the horses and the gun shots coming from outside.

"I need to say this now, 'cause the wheels are falling off kid." He tells her and she hesitantly nods.

"I didn't mean any of it you know, what happened to your mom and brother. What I said to you or how bad I made you feel since then, I didn't mean it. And I'm sorry, if I could I would have taken their place a..." He coughs some more before resuming. "I would have taken their place, so that you had them. But I was grateful to still have you - a piece of them, a part of the family that I had always wanted but never thought I'd have because I didn't deserve it. I'm sorry that I wasn't a better father but I couldn't have asked for a better daughter. I just wish I would have told you that more. And how proud of you I am - how proud I know your mother would have been of the woman you've become." A grimace comes to his face but she knows it was meant to be a smile. And she can't hold back her tears anymore.

"I'm sorry too. I-" She stops when the main door is slid open quickly, moving with so much force that it seems it almost comes off the track.

"Jay?" Erin whispers as she takes out her gun and looks off in that direction. Kevin comes into view, putting his gun in his waistband as he glances behind him. His mouth is slightly agape and his breathing is labored as he walks over to the father and daughter.

"Where's Jay?" She asks and Kevin nods towards the direction he just came from.

"He's in the truck." He answers and she accepts her friend's response and helps him get her dad standing. Both Erin and Kevin sling one of Hank's arms over their shoulders and start to exit the stables.

Her eyes take in Adam and Mouse standing just outside the door. She faintly hears one of them mumbling something about waiting for Antonio to get there. Then she sees two men sitting back-to-back on the ground with their hands secured behind them. Blood is coming from different spots on both of them. But even with the low light and some blood obscuring the men's facial features, she recognizes one of them instantly and her eyebrows furrow in confusion with his reappearance. It has her wondering what his involvement is in all of this. But she doesn't focus on him long, moving her gaze to the other man. This guy isn't someone she knows but just looking into his eyes she immediately sees the similarities between him and the man next to him as well as Andrew. A chill runs down her spine and causes her to shiver slightly as they reach the truck.

Kevin helps Hank into the backseat while Erin runs around the other side, not realizing that her boyfriend is sitting there, leaning against the door. She looks him over with concern as she climbs over him and sits on the middle seat. Her hands quickly return to apply pressure to her dad's wounds before she turns her head to look at Jay. His eyes meet hers right away and she sighs lightly having him sitting next to her - alive. But that relief is short lived when she see's that he's sweating heavily - the beads of sweat on his face glistening in the faint glow of the light above the doors of the stables and around the corrals. She sees his eyes are now closed and his breathing is shallow. It has her heart pounding in the same way it did when he left to get the truck.

"Jay?" She turns towards him a little more - both of her knees now planted on the seat so her body is facing the back of the vehicle. Her free hand moves over to shake his shoulder but all she gets is a quiet groan. She then reaches up to turn on the light above the door and hurriedly moves to lift his shirt. Tears well in her eyes when she sees his skin covered in blood.

"What's going on Erin?" Kevin looks in the rearview mirror but he can't see anything as she keeps mumbling 'no'.

"Jay's been shot." Her voice is even raspier than usual and the three words are broken up but he still understood her.

Then she feels her other hand being pushed away. She takes her eyes off her boyfriend in order to look at her dad.

"You need to help him." He tells her and she shakes her head.

"I can help you both." She argues and he nods.

"I don't doubt that Erin but I'm going to be fine. And even I'm not. You don't need me anymore. You haven't since you were a little girl - since you met him. He's your future and you need him. And right now he needs you. I'm ok -" His energy is depleting - his voice becoming weaker towards the end until it cuts out entirely and then his eyes close too.

A sob escapes her lips before she shakes her head again and scoots back a little so that she can apply pressure to both men's wounds. Blood seeps through her fingers and she can literally feel both of the slipping away. She whispers an apology of her own to her dad first - chuckling sadly when she tells him that he's far too stubborn to let this be his ending - despite the fact that it just might his demise. With that she looks at Jay again. The ache in her chest intensifies when she sees him. His eyes are still closed and she silently begs to see those long eyelashes of his flutter against his freckled cheeks in the way they do when he's waking up and his beautiful green eyes land on her. Her mind plays a trick on her when she thinks she gets her wish but he remains unmoving.

"I love you and I'm in love with you." She repeats his words from a few short hours ago. "I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner - that I didn't let you say it when you first wanted to. But I'm glad we got the chance and I'll definitely be saying it more if you stay with me. So please come back to me babe, because we just got each other back and I'll never be ready to lose you again. Please don't go." She sobs as she presses harder against their abdomens.


She's sure to be quiet as she enters the cabin. The urn is placed on the table in the entryway and she keeps her eyes on the shiny metal while she removes her boots. She still wasn't able to free the ashes held inside it but it's only been two weeks - even though it's felt like years - so she tells herself that maybe with time she'll be ready and able to find the perfect place. But for now she just wants to go check on him. She makes her way up the stairs to the master bedroom, where she sees that he's unmoved from the spot he was in before she left a little bit ago. It's actually exactly where he's been since he was released from the hospital. He gets up to use the bathroom every once in a while but then goes right back.

She moves to the side of the bed and sits down on the chair, pretty much only piece of furniture she's occupied since they got back from the hospital. His hand is brought to her lips and she places a quick, gentle kiss to the back of it before laying it down again. Her eyes close, pushing her tears to fall before she lays her head down on the space next to his left arm.


She stands there frozen in the doorway of the E.D. as both her dad and her boyfriend are wheeled off to the operating rooms. Then she's being taken into an exam room to get her thigh checked out and stitched up. She sees when Nadia gets there and witnesses her quickly embrace Kevin - her arms wrapping around him as tightly as possible. The sight makes Erin's heart ache because she would do anything to hug Jay and her dad right now. She looks down with that thought - noticing for the first time how her clothes and hands are stained red from all the blood and then Nadia's joining her in the room. And not long after that everyone else is there too - waiting for any news on the fate of two of their own - two members of their makeshift family.