The reigns feel almost foreign in his hands and the hat on his head seems as if it doesn't belong. Things that have been staples for him - a wrangler - all of sudden make him feel out of place amongst the small group of his peers - men that have become his brothers in the years since he's met them. It leaves him reeling - sitting back in his saddle and wondering what he's not remembering from the night of the attack that caused such a divide between himself and the ones closest to him. He doesn't even realize that they've started to move the herd without him until the cloud of dirt begins to settle before him. With a shake of his head he moves out - getting his horse to catch up rather quickly so they can help with the drive.

The livestock in front of them and the wilderness around them helps him feel more at ease. He stops momentarily, closing his eyes as he takes a few deep breaths in and then out before he reopens his eyes. The herd's not too far away, so he takes his time to look around the valley. Then he hears a bark but it's not coming from the working dogs helping relocate the herd - no this distinct high-pitched noise is coming from Poppy. The fact that it's not a normal bark is what gains his attention and has him looking for his - their house dog. Then finally he sees her standing on a boulder near the pathway leading from the ranch. She barks more incessantly and it makes him anxious - especially when he doesn't see Erin anywhere near her. He continues to search as he quickly turns his horse around and clicks his tongue while kicking his feet into the stallion's side. His mind races with worry - his heart pumping hard in his chest as he unintentionally concocts the worst case scenarios in his head.

"Erin." He yells once he feels he's close enough. His horse staggers in place, not knowing what his handler wants him to do after they reach where Poppy has remained on the large rock.

"Erin!" He shouts again but still no response. The memory of this morning when she insisted on him getting out of the house and the conversation it lead to crosses his mind as he asks the dog where their girl is.

He just got his stitches taken out yesterday and she's already trying to convince him that he should go back to work - suggesting that he leave for the rest of the day and into the night while she sits here alone. He knows she's still grieving - that she's still in pain but he wants her to know that she doesn't have to go through of any of it alone.

But she's persistent and it makes him angry - even if he's trying not to let that show - already feeling like they've pushed each other away long enough. With those thoughts the knowledge that he may be the one that's alone in those feelings is not lost on him as she continues to create distance.

"While you do what Erin?" He questions out loud and the shrug she gives in response infuriates him a little more.

"I don't know, does it matter?" She counters in an exasperated way.

"Yes, believe it or not, it does matter." He yells back and she hangs her head with that.

"Well it shouldn't." She murmurs with another shrug.

"Why? Why do you think that you have to do all of this by yourself?" He points to the mess of papers and files on his breakfast bar.

"Because-" She counters.

The rebuttal of how that's not a sufficient answer is on the tip of his tongue but he doesn't want to make matters worse with such a trivial reply. So he takes a step back from the breakfast bar and turns his whole body towards her.

"I went through that night too Erin. It wasn't just you. We both have to deal what the attack left and took in it's wake. And call me crazy but I thought it'd be easier for us to get through it together." He says instead.

"I love you." She whispers and he's quite taken aback by those three words as much as he is by the change in her voice in the moment but he doesn't hesitate to repeat them back to her.

He takes a few steps towards her and cups her cheek - her teary eyes looking up at him.

"I love you too." He murmurs to her as she reaches up and grips his wrist as she leans her head into his touch.

"I'm sorry but I need to figure this out myself first. And if that's too much to ask then I guess I can go to my d-" She stops herself with a shake of her head - taking a minute to regroup before continuing. "I can go to the main house if that'll be easier."

"That won't be easier - at least not for me." He shakes his head because he knows she doesn't want to go to Voight's house - knows that's the reason she's been staying on top of the fact that she was the one taking care of him while he was still healing. So he decides to give in and back off just a little.

"If these past few months of being with you have taught me anything it's that you're the only person who can get me through the bad times. So I'll go drive cattle or go into the office, if that means you'll stay here until you're ready to lean on me and let me in." He pledges as his hand falls from her face to her shoulder with her hand still holding his wrist tightly - contradicting her inferences and keeping him close. She nods and then he backs away - giving her one more glance before he leaves.

He looks back at the dog beside him and asks again where Erin is. Poppy barks as if to answer him and then she jumps off the boulder, immediately running into the woods.

"Erin!" He calls out and he hears her say his name just before he sees her. She's kneeling on the ground - Poppy pacing on one side of her and the urn situated on the other. And that's when he sees the snare pulled taut from one of the trees all the way to where it's wrapped tight around her ankle. He unsheathes the knife attached near the horn of his saddle and moves his horse over to cut the snare. Then he's dismounting and rushing towards her.

He takes in the snare that has now loosened around her ankle - noticing how her boot kept the wire from injuring her and releasing a sigh of relief.

"Hey." He says as soon as he gets to her but she keeps her eyes casted down. He repeats himself as he squats down next to her and cups her jaw. Tears instantly come to his eyes when he tilts her head up to find that she's crying - bawling really.

"The urn slipped from my hand and the top fall off." She murmurs as he looks at the trail and piles of grey color sand - realizing quickly that it's actually ashes - Voight's ashes.

"I let him down a-" She collapses into Jay's chest causing him to fall back on his ass. But he instantly wraps his arms around her as she nuzzles into him while Poppy crawls over to lay her head against her owners.

"Shh babe." He presses the first of many kisses to her hair. "Shh."

They stay put for a while before she looks up at him - her head moving from his chest to rest on his shoulder. He hadn't realized that his tears began to fall until one of her hands slide up his neck to his face and swipes away each drop trailing down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry." She murmurs and he shakes his head.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Erin." His voice sounds weak, broken up as if he doesn't mean what he just said so he clears his throat and says it again.

Then it grows quiet again for a few minutes - both of them becoming a little more comfortable before he's breaking through the silence.

His flight just landed, he's back home but it doesn't feel like he's home at all. Because his heart is back in Chicago - almost as if in an alternate universe. And as the rest of the passengers rush off the plane he stays seated. His mind imagines a place where he accepted her offer to stay - they're happy and together. But as a flight attendant shakes his shoulder, he pushes those thoughts aside and stands up.

The fresh air is refreshing - awakening something within and causing the aching in his chest to intensify as his olfactories process the distinct difference between here and there. He rubs his nose and trudges on, moving to the ranch truck parked near the front of the line of cars waiting for or dropping off travelers.

The ride to the ranch is silent and it makes way for his earlier thoughts to return to him. It makes the trip seem shorter than it was and soon enough they're arriving back at the ranch. He takes his bag to his front porch and then heads to the stables. The sun is beginning to set in the distance as he re-emerges minutes later with his horse all saddled up. They don't make it far before he's pulling back on the reigns and just stares at the ranch and the mountains around it.

He reaches for the gun holstered on the right side of his saddle when he hears movement to his left. But he's quickly re-holstering the weapon when he sees his boss appear from behind some trees.

"Good to have you back Jay." His rough voice grumbles as he stops his horse beside Jay's.

Jay just nods because he can't say he's exactly happy to be back. A small stretch of awkward silence settles between them before his boss speaks again.

"I talked to her earlier, shortly after you left." The older man admits and it peaks Jay's interest.

"She tried to play it off but I could tell she's upset in similar way as you are right now." He notes and Jay sighs.

"Voight I-"

"I don't know the extent of your relationship and I don't need to." He says first and Jay nods because he wasn't willing to share those details with him anyways.

"I saw that connection when you two were younger - it was what made me hesitant to keep you here. But over the years I've seen how good you are to her - for her." Voight adds as he scratches the underside of his jaw with the back of his fingers.

"I just need to know that you'll do what you can to fix things between you kid. Be there for her - continue to be whatever she needs." Voights concludes and Jay doesn't hesitate to nod again.

"Always." It comes off a little unsure and that's because he's been wrecking his brain on how to fix things between himself and Erin.

"Maybe you'll be who can bring her home." Voight gestures towards the ranch and Jay quickly pictures Erin back in Montana.

"It was right around here that he gave me that nod of approval." Jay whispers to her and her tears are falling down her cheeks again.

"I just wish I could have prevented any of this from happening - protected you from this. Or that it was me instead. So that you'd still have the last member of your family here." He says aloud for the first time - finally feeling ready to admit it to her since he thought it the night after the attack.

"My dad said something similar the night of the attack. That he would have taken my mom and brother's place so I could've had them instead." She recalls with a small nod.

"I wish I could have saved you both." She tells him as she fists his shirt and sits up - staring down at her hands on his chest.

"But if I had to choose one of you to be here with me right now. If it was between him and you. My choice would always be you, Jay." She confesses and he cups her cheek again in the same way as this morning and she leans into his palm while gripping his wrist.

"He may have been my dad but you're my family too and like he said that night on the way to the hospital, you're my future." She turns her head to place a kiss to his wrist - feeling his pulse race against her lips.

"I love you." Jay confides and she smiles sadly as he wipes away her tears again.

"I love you too." Her voice is shaky and it causes him to pull her back into him and kiss her forehead in effort to comfort her. Both of them still hurting - still grieving in their own ways but they feel better knowing that they're not alone in this or anything else that comes their way.