Chapter 8
Hermione awakened at close to six o'clock the next morning. Rising up and swinging her legs over the side of the bed to rest her feet on the carpet, she sat there for a minute and reflected on the events of the previous day.
It certainly had been full of revelations. But despite the heaviness of their talks, she couldn't help smiling when looking at the day as a whole. She and Harry had supported each other on separate issues that weighed heavily on their minds, and made an agreement to look forward to what she hoped would be a wonderful future. Not to mention, the snowball fight that she started had allowed them to let go of all their worries and simply act like the teenagers that they never really got to be.
But then, she became serious upon remembering what could take place this day. Yesterday, they'd gotten the serious talks done first and then had a moment of fun afterward. Tonight, though… well, assuming Harry either had the same idea she did or at least agreed to go to where she wanted, hopefully things wouldn't get so heavy that he would be weighed down by memories again.
Hermione shook her head, took a deep breath, and stood to gather her clothes for the day. First things first, there was a discussion for her and Harry to have this morning. Worry about that before jumping too far ahead of things.
And it looks like that talk would come more quickly than she had expected.
As Hermione opened her door and stepped into the hall, Harry came out of the bathroom, apparently having already finished his morning shower routine. They both started a bit as their gazes locked. Of course, the sense of déjà vu with how similar this was to two mornings ago made a smile come to her face. She wondered if he thought the same thing when he responded with a small grin of his own.
The words he spoke confirmed her question. "This is a bit familiar."
With her smile changing to a smirk, she replied, "Just a little bit." Then, something hit her as to why he might have already been awake, causing her to sober up before her next words. "Is everything alright? Did you sleep well?"
His expression became tender at her concern, and his answer showed that he knew exactly what she had thought about. "I'm alright, Hermione. I haven't had any more nightmares since the day that I was here alone. I just woke up maybe thirty minutes ago and, remembering what we agreed to do this morning, didn't really want to try and go back to sleep."
"OK then," she quietly said. "I'm sorry if I worry too much. I just want – "
"You want to make sure I can get as much peace as possible while I'm here," he gently interjected. "I know, Hermione. And you don't ever have to be sorry about your concern. It's one of the things I appreciate about you, and you being worried is just one way that shows me how much you care."
The warmth that once again filled her at his words had her wondering how she had ever survived through life before without it. She didn't get a chance to respond to him, however, as he quickly became solemn and continued.
"So, since you're up, do you want to have that discussion after you get through in the bathroom?"
Well, she did say first thing in the morning. So, she gave him a nod and said, "Sure, that works."
He silently nodded in return. As he moved to return to his room, however, she stopped him when he was beside her by telling him something more. "You can wait in my room, if you want."
His eyes widened slightly in surprise before he asked, "Are you sure?"
"Completely, Harry. Like I've said before… I trust you."
His gaze took on that soft look again. Then, he whispered, "Well… OK then. I'll be waiting for you in there."
And with that, she watched him slowly step inside her room and then gingerly sit on the edge of her bed, facing towards the entrance. She gave him a smile before finally making her way to the bathroom.
Forty minutes later, she stepped out of the bathroom, feeling refreshed from her shower but also nervous from what she knew was next. When she reached her room, she found that he hadn't shifted from where he first sat but did lean back to actually lie with his back flat on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. She knocked on the door lightly to announce her presence, causing him to sit up straight at the disturbance. When their eyes locked, she shut the door to give them privacy before then walking over and sitting next to him on his right side.
They continued to stare at each other for a few seconds before Harry, without shifting his gaze at all, reached over and took her left hand in his right and intertwined their fingers.
Then, he said, "I guess I'll start, since I know you've got to be curious as to what I meant last night in my words to your parents." He took a deep breath to prepare himself and then continued.
"Yesterday, we agreed to leave the past behind and look forward to the future. And it hit me, after we returned here, that there's something related to my past that I didn't do a well-enough job facing when I first had the chance. Somewhere that I've continued to avoid long after Riddle's death. And I need to face this to try and properly reach for the future with you."
He took another deep breath, apparently needing to steel himself even more before finally whispering out what had been haunting him.
"Hermione… I want to go to Godric's Hollow tonight. I need to talk to my parents. And… I hope that you'll come with me. I'm not sure if I'll be able to get through it without you."
While she didn't want him to get the wrong idea, she couldn't help the small smile that grew on her face. Before he could react, she placed her right hand on top of their already-joined ones.
Then, she affectionately said, "Would you believe me if I told you that I had wanted to talk to you myself about going there tonight?"
He blinked a couple of times in surprise before saying, "R-really?"
She nodded before becoming a bit more sheepish and hesitantly responding, "Well, we were there on Christmas Eve last year, in the middle of the war and thinking that so much was hopeless. I thought… I thought it would be good if we went again, just to tell them that you made it through everything. That all their efforts for you paid off. So, to answer your request… yes, I'd love to go with you tonight."
He became stunned at her response, and his silence for a few seconds caused her to let out a tiny giggle. That seemed to break him out of his stupor.
She said, with a bit of playfulness, "You didn't think I would actually say no, did you?"
His timid response was, "Well, I know my remarks last night were pretty vague, and you don't like being left in the dark. And I only realized this morning, and started worrying, that…"
His voice became so quiet that she would have missed his next statement if they weren't sitting right next to each other. "That maybe you would think this was another Australia situation."
She sadly looked at him before placing her right hand on his cheek. Then, she whispered, "I know you would never leave without telling me first, Harry, and giving me a chance to persuade you otherwise."
A somewhat dejected smile rose to his face before he said, "Thank you for having so much faith in me."
Wanting to wash away his sadness, she leaned in and gave him a soft, one-second kiss. When she pulled back, she replied, "I could say the same to you."
His expression became a mixture of astonishment and affection before he gave an actual smile. Yes, seeing any happiness in his expression always made the times that she had to reassure him worth it, no matter how often she had to do so.
Wanting to get back on track, she pulled her right hand off of his face before asking, "So… what time should we leave?"
He understood what she was doing and became serious again. "What do you say after six o'clock tonight? It'll be dark by then, which is obviously good when it comes to Apparating there without being seen, and… I don't know, it just feels right to go then, too. Like it would still be a private talk even though it's a public graveyard. I don't, however, plan for this to be an overnight kind of thing. I wouldn't want to be gone so long as to make your parents uneasy."
She nodded and said, "OK then, it's a plan. Six o'clock tonight."
He just silently nodded and then slowly slipped his hand out of hers. He looked down at the floor and took a deep but slightly shaky breath. She could tell that, even though they'd simply just agreed to go there, his nerves were already hitting him that he was going to do something which he'd been avoiding since the war's end.
She gently placed her left hand on his lower back, hoping her touch would give him any modicum of comfort. He glanced at her and, realizing what her action meant, gave her a small smile for an instant and then nodded. Though he looked back down at the floor, it seems that she helped to stave off his nerves for the time being since he didn't appear to be as anxious. And for a few minutes, the two of them just sat there, no words needed.
Eventually, Hermione looked up at her clock to check the time. Turning back to him to find him gazing at her in a bit of confusion, she said, "So, it's seven o'clock already. Do you want to head downstairs?"
The confusion in his eyes cleared up, and with a half-smile, he said, "Yeah, let's go."
She rubbed his back for a second before standing from the bed. He rose with her an instant later, and the two quietly made their way to the living room.
Hermione's parents were in their usual places on the sofa and looked to the two teenagers when she and Harry entered the room.
"Good morning, kids," Jack and Miranda said.
Hermione replied, "Good morning, Mum and Dad."
Harry said at the same time as Hermione, "Good morning, Jack and Miranda."
The parents stood up together, as Jack responded, "Well, we'll go ahead and get breakfast ready." He turned to Miranda and then said, with an exaggerated sense of exhaustion, "And yes, Miranda. Now that they're both up, you can put the music on like we agreed."
Miranda smirked at her husband and retorted, "Don't act like you don't enjoy it, too."
He snapped his fingers once and teasingly said, "Damn, saw right through me." He picked up a portable stereo that was sitting on the coffee table and then turned to Harry and Hermione. "Don't be surprised, Harry, if you hear Christmas music coming from the kitchen while we prepare the food."
Hermione shook her head with a smile and then turned to Harry and clarified what her parents were talking about, in order to save him from any confusion. "On Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, Mum likes to have Christmas music playing wherever she's doing anything. While it will get turned off when we watch the television, we also only watch Christmas-related material on these two days, as well. A bit silly maybe, if you think about it."
A big grin came to Harry's face as he gave an amused snort. He said, "I don't know, that sounds like a fun tradition to me."
Miranda interjected, "Thank you, Harry." Then, turning to her family, she continued with an embellished haughtiness. "See? At least someone in this house can appreciate the finer things in life."
Jack and Hermione, at the same time, rolled their eyes and smirked at Miranda's comment.
Harry couldn't help how his grin changed into a warm smile at the family play. But then, it hit him again about how the last of his family had been killed while he was battling at Hogwarts. While he was able to school his expression enough that his feelings didn't show, he once again felt that familiar pain at the knowledge that he would be well and truly alone if Hermione hadn't been so patient with him. He was somewhat thankful that she wasn't looking at him right now, since she would probably still see through him and realize that something was wrong.
It was then that Jack and Miranda decided to actually go do their task. This time, though, Harry asked them if it was alright that he waited in the kitchen with them as they prepared the food, and that he wouldn't mind just listening to some Christmas music for a little bit. He looked at Hermione with the question that she would come with him, and she tenderly smiled and nodded at him in answer. Jack and Miranda, meanwhile, replied that of course he could if he wanted to.
Thus, the time before and during breakfast was spent with nary a word. Once the portable stereo had been plugged in, Miranda quickly tuned the radio to a station that was playing nothing but Christmas music until the holiday was over. From her chair at the table, Hermione watched her mother bop in place to the music while making their meal. And though Hermione couldn't see her father's expression, she knew he would be smiling the entire time, as he was like to do once the music started in the house. When she turned to look at Harry sitting beside her, he was simply watching her parents with a happy expression, as though he was glad to get to witness such a scene from a family. And all four of them, once the food was ready, silently ate breakfast with smiles on their faces.
Once they had finished and put their plates away, however, Miranda turned the music volume down to a minimum. Then, she asked Harry and Hermione, "So, was everything alright with you two last night? If I'm prying, just say so, and I'll ask nothing more."
Hermione wasn't sure if Harry was ready to tell her parents of their plan, though they obviously needed to be made aware at some point so that they wouldn't worry tonight. Her thoughts were quickly broken, though, when Harry spoke up.
"Actually, I would like to talk with the two of you, since it will relate to my words from last night."
While the looks of concern were plainly evident on their faces, Jack and Miranda silently sat back down.
Underneath the table, Hermione couldn't help reaching over and curling her left hand over his right one. Though he didn't glance at her, she saw the corner of his mouth barely twitch upward for an instant before he shifted his hand to hold hers. The quick squeeze he gave to her hand told her that he was grateful for her action.
Then, as he stared at her parents, Harry began to speak. "First, I apologize to both of you for my vague comments last night. I realize now that they could have made you worry about what I may have been referring to."
Miranda quietly said, "There's no need for that, Harry. The two of us always believed that it was something else you needed to talk about with Hermione first."
Harry's reply came with a sad smile. "Still, I could have gone about my words in a better manner." Then, his expression turned serious again. "But you're right about me needing to talk with Hermione, which is what we did this morning before coming downstairs. And now that we have a plan of sorts, I want the both of you to be aware of it."
He took a deep breath before continuing. "Hermione mentioned to me last week that you knew about my parents dying when I was an infant."
He could see sadness creep into Jack and Miranda's expressions, but they just silently nodded.
"Well, something you may not know, at least from what I remember of all the details that Hermione told you regarding last year after she fixed your memories, is that… the village of Godric's Hollow, where we went last Christmas. That's where my parents lived until their deaths."
Hermione had actually kept secret all the details relating to Harry's parents when she was telling about going to Godric's Hollow during the war. She'd only made mention that they needed to go to the village to see if there were any clues about where to find Gryffindor's sword and then went into the whole incident with Nagini. It had only been after Harry left Australia that she told her mum and dad that Harry's parents had been killed when he was just an infant. She had done so in her desperation to convince them to not hate him for leaving, since she'd always previously believed that it wasn't really her place to talk about something so personal for Harry. Thus, she knew that her parents would probably be shocked with this new information.
Meanwhile, Jack and Miranda both indeed went wide-eyed, with Miranda also softly gasping, at this information as well as the further implications about what Harry's next words would be. They didn't have any time to respond, though, as the young man kept talking.
"That's where my parents are buried now, in the graveyard near the church. And that's where I wanted to go tonight, with Hermione. Because I need to actually talk to them, something I couldn't do last year due to how torn up I was about being there for the first time. Because I'll never be able to let go of that part of my past otherwise."
Hermione couldn't resist scooting her chair closer to him in order to lay her head on his shoulder. She couldn't see him keep his eyes trained on her parents, but she did feel another squeeze of his hand.
Jack and Miranda were dumbfounded for a few seconds at the reminder of all that this young man had to suffer in a mere eighteen years. Even after so much time had passed since he lost them, he seemed to still carry survivor's guilt over his parents' sacrifice for him.
Miranda was the first to respond. Fighting back the tears in her eyes, she managed to say, "I'm sure they'll absolutely love that you're thinking of them and want to talk to them, Harry."
Jack put a comforting arm around his wife and pulled her into his side, before looking back at Harry. "I completely agree. We may not know much of anything about your parents, but we are parents ourselves, and there's nothing better on the holidays than simply being with our loved ones. And I know that they would have the largest smiles on their faces for you in the knowledge that you want to be with them tonight in whatever way you're able."
Hermione lifted her head from Harry's shoulder to gauge his reaction to her parents' words. And once again, it seems that they'd left him stunned and speechless with their consideration for him. When he was finally able to speak, it was just a quiet, "Thank you both."
Deciding to take over so that Harry could regain his bearings, Hermione turned to her parents and said, "Mum, Dad. We won't be leaving until at least six o'clock tonight, so that it will be dark outside. For one, while we'll use Harry's Invisibility Cloak when we actually Apparate there, the cover of darkness will allow us to be unseen when we take it off. And two… well, this will sound silly, but it just feels right to wait until then. And we won't be gone all night, either. If we somehow aren't back before the next morning, that means something went wrong."
Having regained a bit of her composure, Miranda replied, "Alright then, thank you both for letting us know beforehand where you'll be."
Jack then jumped in, "So, if you're waiting until tonight to go, do you have any plans for the rest of the day? I know that Miranda and I are working on some last-minute things for the church's annual donation drive to turn in today. So, we'll be busy in here for most of the day."
Hermione exclaimed, "Oh, that's right! The food and clothing drive! I'd forgotten all about it given everything over the last two years. I wonder if the people at the church will say anything to you two, since you obviously weren't around last year."
Harry hesitantly interjected, "Um, may I ask what you're talking about?"
Turning to him, Hermione replied, "Oh Harry, I'm sorry, I should have explained. Basically, the church that I took you to holds a donation drive every year around Christmas. Regardless of whether or not they're even a member of the church, people can bring in clothes and non-perishable food that will go to a shelter to be distributed to those that may not be able to afford much. Mum and Dad always bring in a large load of both. Many of the winter clothes are actually things that Dad knits. My pink knit hat is his handiwork, if you can believe it, but I digress.
"Meanwhile, Mum also typically bakes some large batches of cookies. The drive workers always put at least half aside to save for the shelter where all the donations go, so that they can be given away as a Christmas treat to anyone picking supplies up at the shelter. For the rest, donators always get at least one cookie for giving something to the drive. And if any happen to be left over, Mum has told the church staff that they can keep and enjoy them."
He looked back at the parents, asking with wonder, "You two really do that? And you know how to knit, Jack?"
The older man nodded. "Sure do, to both questions. There's a lot of people that aren't as fortunate as us, so we like to help out and bring them a little holiday joy however we can. And as far as the knitting, everyone in my family was taught growing up. Let's just say that it was pretty necessary for us to know how to repair older clothes rather than simply going out to get new ones."
Nudging his head towards Hermione, he continued, "Of course, being in a much better position by the time Hermione was born, I never tried to force it on her. It wasn't until she came home after your fourth year at Hogwarts that she came to me and asked to start learning, at least for what little time we were able to spend that summer."
Harry turned to Hermione with a small grin and said with a bit of cheek, "I guess that finally explains where your knitting knowledge came from, since you were knitting clothes for the house-elves."
Her only response was to stick her tongue out at him, to which he just grinned even more.
As he turned back to the parents again, his expression became more awed before he continued speaking. "But really, you two, that sounds like something amazing to do. And…"
Glancing back at Hermione, he quietly and sheepishly said, "I don't know, I had originally thought that we could start our studies today on those detection spells and practicing wandless magic. But… I kind of want to help out if possible, since it would involve giving back to people. I mean, while I don't know anything about knitting, I could at least help out with the baking. Would that be alright? If you don't want to – "
She stopped him from rambling any more with a finger on his lips. She held it there for a couple more seconds before removing it and then replied, "You know what? Schoolwork can wait until after Christmas Day, Harry. And yes, we can both help out my parents today."
He gave a loving smile at her easy agreement. The tender moment was interrupted, however, when Jack jokingly said, "See now, Harry, I had been liking you all throughout this break, and now you've gone and corrupted our daughter. Putting off schoolwork for something else? What's the world come to?"
Hermione turned to her father and said, in an imitation of her mother's overdone haughtiness, "I'm quite capable of knowing the right time to put down my books, thank you."
Harry, Jack, and Miranda immediately all replied at once, "Since when?" They looked at each other with big smiles after realizing what they just did, before bursting out with laughs.
Hermione couldn't pout for even a tiny bit that they'd put one over on her. It was such a wonderful scene, watching Harry laughing along with her parents, that she couldn't help her own large smile that grew on her face.
After about ten more seconds, the laughter started to subside, and Harry looked to find her smiling tenderly at him. This, however, caused him to go sheepish before he then said, "Sorry, maybe I shouldn't have said that. I know that you're so much more than just a big brain. That snowball fight we had wouldn't have happened otherwise. Though of course, I still very much appreciate everything about said brain."
Squeezing the hand that she was still gripping, she interjected, "Harry, I don't mind it coming from you. I know that, like my parents, you were simply teasing with affection. I know that you weren't actually mocking me, unlike some other people. So, don't fret about it. It's OK."
The subtle nod to both her childhood bullying as well as Ron made Harry sober up a little bit. But he simply said, "OK, I'll try. And thank you for always being so understanding."
She once again, in her mind, cursed everyone that had ever derided his self-worth. But she didn't say anything out loud, not wanting him to dwell on a minor thing that wasn't worth the time for dwelling.
They both looked back to her parents when Miranda quietly said, "But are you two sure? You know you don't have to feel obligated to help out."
Harry's response left a silence so heavy that even a drop of the smallest pin would still have been heard. "I know what it's like to not only have terrible clothes but also to be starved. So, if my help means I can keep another child from feeling like I did, even if they just simply get an extra cookie as a treat for Christmas, I'll do it."
On instinct, Hermione greatly tightened her hold on his hand. She was sure he could feel the slight shake in her hand due to her trying to hold back her emotions. For as much as she did know about his years with the Dursleys, never before had Harry come out and said that he had actually been starved by those despicable excuses of relatives. It was nothing less than a miracle, and a testament to Harry's iron will to do the right thing, that he never wanted to simply go dark and take vengeance for everything he had suffered.
It was then that she heard a chair scrape on the floor. Looking towards the sound's direction, she saw her mother instantly rise from the chair and rush over to the other side of the table until she was standing at Harry's left side. Letting go of Harry's right hand, Hermione had a fairly good idea of what was going to happen. And it only took a couple more seconds to confirm her thought.
At that moment, though she didn't pull him out of the chair, Miranda did step up to Harry and pull him into a crushing hug, holding his head underneath her chin while doing so. It was exactly the kind of motherly hug as she'd always given Hermione in moments of comfort throughout her childhood.
Then, Miranda choked out through another round of tears she was holding back, "You wonderful, wonderful boy. Wanting to help others in the same situation as you once suffered. Those horrid relatives of yours are a bunch of fools for not seeing just how amazing you are."
After a few more seconds, she let him free when she loosened her hold and took two steps back. Jack rose from his seat and moved next to Miranda, placing a hand on her shoulder for comfort since he could see that her emotions were still running quite high.
Though Hermione couldn't see Harry's face, she was certain that he was completely shocked. His head was tilted in such a way that she knew he was staring at her parents right now. A small pit grew in her stomach, however, believing that his next words were going to be some kind of self-deprecating remark.
And sure enough, after about five seconds, Harry timidly whispered, "I'm hardly amazing – "
He didn't get a chance to continue as Hermione had to interrupt, causing him to turn around and face her.
"You are amazing, Harry," she lovingly said. "You are now, and you always have been. And I'll tell you that as many times as it takes for you to finally believe it."
He had that look on his face which told her that he was fighting not to cry. When he closed his eyes and tilted his head downward, taking shaky breaths as he did so, she reached up and began gently rubbing the back of his shoulder. This caused him to open his eyes and flash her an appreciative smile.
When Harry turned around to face her parents, he couldn't help locking his gaze onto Jack with a bit of hesitance.
Realizing the unspoken fear that was directed at him, the older man quietly said, "You'll get no arguments from me in the matter. I completely agree with the women."
Harry blinked his eyes rapidly and looked back and forth a couple of times between Hermione and her parents. Then, he murmured with shyness, "Thank you all. I don't know what to say beyond that."
Guiding him to face her again, Hermione put her hand behind his head and pushed his forehead forward until it was touching hers. Then, she whispered, "It's OK. You don't have to say anything at all, Harry."
Jack and Miranda smiled at one another, before she stepped closer into his side and placed her head on his shoulder. He responded by wrapping his arm around her to hold her tightly to him. Then, they silently took in the tender scene in front of them, watching the two teenagers as they stared at each other, not budging an inch. Both parents couldn't help thinking how their daughter and her best friend more than deserved such happiness together after fighting against the world for so long.
Eventually, they saw Harry just give Hermione a small nod, to which she nodded in response before letting him pull back. Miranda lifted her head off of her husband's shoulder and, deciding to see if the teenagers still wanted to help the two of them, spoke up and got their attention.
"So, if you both still want to help us, do you want to start soon? Or do you want some time to yourselves first?"
Harry once again turned back to their daughter. Miranda and Jack could see him say something, but it was too quiet to know exactly what. But then, Hermione flashed Harry an affectionate smile and gave another nod. Though they couldn't see his initial reaction, he twisted around to face them. The mixture of calmness and joy in his eyes gave them relief. Then, he responded with resolution.
"We'll start now. More time helping means we can have more finished for you and Jack to give away."
The parents both happily smiled at his response. Then, deciding to get to it, Jack responded, "Alright then. Hermione, I'll go grab all of the knitting supplies. You and I will be set up at the table. I've got some hats and scarves to work on. With your help, maybe we can get them all finished in time to donate."
Miranda went and put the oven on the right temperature, and then said to Harry, "And you, Harry, can join me over here at the kitchen counter and grab one of the cookie pans that I've been using. With two of us, cutting the cookies from the dough should go a bit faster so that we can have more baked."
The two teenagers just nodded, and soon enough, the group had begun their work.
For most of the day afterward, it was another joyous occasion together like they had with decorating the tree. Miranda turned the volume back up on her stereo, and it was hard for the four not to keep constant smiles on their faces as they went about their tasks with the music in the background. At Miranda's request, Jack even brought her camera into the kitchen, when he went to get his knitting material, so that any of them could use it to catch moments on which they wanted to look back.
In fact, Hermione ended up making a request for a picture from her mother and Harry, when the two of them had completed their first bunches of cookies. She directed them to stand next to each other and then had them tilt their pans to show off the finished cookies as Hermione took the picture. With those first batches, Harry's cookies were all shaped like little reindeer, while Miranda's were in the shape of smiling Santa Claus faces. Those wouldn't be the only two shapes, though, since Miranda always liked to have a variety of designs to use for different batches as a means of catching every aspect of the holiday.
Harry ended up doing the same to Hermione and Jack when the two of them finished the first hats they had been knitting. Hermione had made a little red hat sized for a younger child, while Jack's was a larger green one for an adult. The picture Harry snapped was of them standing and holding their respective knit hat up to their chest, with huge smiles on their faces.
Time rapidly passed in the enjoyment. At three o'clock, Jack and Miranda decided to pack up everything they had for the donation drive and take it to the church. Not only would some of the staff have been there to accept things since at least two o'clock so that people could donate early and have the evening with their families, but Miranda also said that there was one more errand that needed finishing before all the large stores closed early. They also thanked Harry and Hermione greatly for helping out and spending the day with them. Though the praise made Harry turn sheepish once again, he simply took it with a smile this time.
And soon enough, the time finally passed six o'clock, with darkness blanketing the outside world except for the occasional street light.
The four were sitting in the living room after dinner. The three Grangers spent some time talking about past donation drives, while Harry just listened in contentment. But then, Hermione grew confused when her parents trailed off suddenly for no reason and were looking past her. Turning around, she saw Harry looking up at the wall with a solemn expression on his face. Following his gaze, she found that he was staring straight at the clock.
The time had come for them to go back to Godric's Hollow.
Facing him again, she gently placed a hand on his right thigh, breaking him out of his trance. Once their gazes were locked, she quietly asked, "So, do you want to go get ready?"
He took one deep breath before replying, "Yeah, we better."
And just like yesterday morning, they got dressed in their winter gear before making their way back down to the living room. As they were walking downstairs, Harry took his mokeskin pouch and pulled out his Invisibility Cloak from it to use and cover their Apparition.
Jack and Miranda were already standing as the two of them arrived and took their place in front of the television to prepare to travel to Godric's Hollow.
Miranda spoke up before the children could do much more. "So, you'll cover yourselves with that Cloak, count to three, and then we should hear the cracking sound?"
Hermione's simple reply was, "Yes, that's right, Mum."
Taking a deep breath, the older woman added, "How long should we give it for you two to return tonight before beginning to worry?"
Harry responded this time. "How about Hermione and I Apparate straight here into the living room when we return, so you'll know for certain that we're back if you're sitting down here? If you've gone to your bedroom, then we'll come knock and tell you that we've arrived. And if we haven't done that by the time you normally wake up in the morning…"
He had to pause, because he knew his words probably weren't easing the mother's worries very much. Thus, he just awkwardly ended with, "Well, let's just hope it doesn't come to that."
Jack quietly interceded, "OK, we'll give it until then."
Miranda added, "Though I can't promise not to worry a small bit even before then. Please be safe, you two. And Harry…"
Her direct referral caused Harry to become slightly confused before she finished after a couple of seconds of silence. "I hope that you can find peace when you see your parents this time."
Not knowing what to really say, his only reply was a quiet, "Thank you." He then turned to Hermione, took a deep breath, and muttered, "Ready when you are."
She just silently nodded, so he threw the Cloak over them. After grabbing each other's hands, Hermione began the countdown. And on the number three, with Hermione's lead, they disappeared from the Granger residence and landed in the middle of a darkened street. A faint glow of streetlights some ways ahead of them indicated the center of the village.
They had arrived in Godric's Hollow, at the same place as where they'd arrived last year.
Scanning the area after their eyes were adjusted to the darkness, they didn't see anyone around that would notice them coming out from underneath the Cloak. After Hermione performed Homenum Revelio just to be sure they were safe, they quickly slipped out, and Harry folded up the Cloak before stuffing it back into his pouch.
Then, he just stood there, nerves starting to overwhelm him. They'd landed in the same place, and the village appeared to be exactly the same as when they'd arrived last year…
He was already way too anxious about simply talking to his mum and dad at their grave. Having to resist the urge to flash back to the last year, worrying that Riddle was on their trail and had Nagini waiting to ambush Harry and Hermione, wasn't helping matters at all.
He started a bit when he felt Hermione link her left arm into his right one, along with her right hand coming up to rest on his upper arm.
Twisting his head to face her, she whispered with concern, "What is it, Harry? You were just staring off into space. What's wrong?"
He shook his head and took an unsteady breath. "For one, this feels way too similar to last year. I mean, we may even be wearing the same clothes as last year. I know for certain that you wore that pink hat and those gloves. It's hard right now resisting the urge to flash back to the point where we were attacked by Nagini and would have been caught by Riddle if you hadn't been able to hold it together and take us away from here. And it's making me feel like I've just led us into another trap. Second, and maybe more importantly… I'm so nervous about speaking to them, Hermione. Even if they aren't physically around."
She squeezed his arm for a second before replying, "First off, if we somehow end up in another fight while we're here, then we'll handle it. But you've said it yourself. The Death Eaters are all dead now. And my parents are the only ones to even know that we're coming here tonight.
"Second, try to remember what Mum and Dad said. That your parents would be overjoyed that you came to see them at Christmas. And if that still can't assuage your nerves, then just remember that I'm right here beside you, every step of the way."
While the terror didn't fully leave him, she could see his expression soften just a bit before he whispered, "Thank you." Turning his head back in the direction of the village itself, he sighed and said, "What do you say we get a move on?"
She merely responded, "OK." And with that, they began their walk to the church's graveyard.
They walked fairly slowly, with Hermione believing that Harry was trying to prepare himself in any way he could. They remained silent as they passed the memorial built in honor of the three Potters. Both of them had to stare at it as they walked by, but neither showed any inclination to stop at the moment.
Once they'd passed it, Hermione decided to speak up about something else, hoping that she could distract Harry's nerves with a question. Of course, there was also a possibility that it could make them worse given that it involved this past summer, but she wouldn't know without asking.
"Harry," she quietly said, "may I ask you something about this past summer?"
Though they continued their slow pace, she saw him glance at her for a second before replying, "Yeah, of course, Hermione."
"Why did you go back to Hogwarts and stay there for the rest of the summer? Even if you thought Grimmauld Place was still unsafe due to not knowing how many people beyond just other Death Eaters that Yaxley may have let in on the secret after I accidentally Apparated him with us, couldn't you have gotten a flat of your own? I know you could afford it since your vault at Gringotts had more than enough for you to just live off of it for the rest of your life."
Harry brought them to a halt, causing terror to start growing within her due to thinking she'd gone into territory she shouldn't have. But then, he silently looked at her for a few seconds before responding.
"You're right about one of the reasons being that I was still worried who all had access to Grimmauld Place after we let Yaxley within the boundaries of the protections. After everything we went through, it just wasn't a risk I was willing to take. I assumed that they could have told even people that weren't actual Death Eaters but were sympathetic to their and Riddle's views, and thus couldn't take the chance of going anywhere near the house just to be immediately ambushed by any guards and lookouts that might still be in the area."
He turned his gaze away from her to look straight ahead, giving a sigh before continuing. "But even just with Grimmauld itself… there were too many bad memories of that house. Everyone being there while I was still stuck at the Dursleys, all because of Dumbledore. Sirius being locked up in another makeshift prison, with Dumbledore not allowing him to leave, and even Mrs. Weasley occasionally ordering him around in his own house."
Harry's voice started trembling at his next statement. "Me being too stupid to open Sirius' Christmas gift of the mirror, which makes me wonder now about how often he may have just sat with his mirror, desperately hoping that I would call out his name and he would get to answer. The mirror would have allowed us to freely contact each other for all those months after Christmas. Would have allowed me to realize that the vision of him being held at the Ministry was a trap, just like you warned me."
He glanced down at the ground and shook his head. Then, he took one deep breath before continuing in a steadier voice. "I could never have dissociated those bad memories from the house, Hermione. So, the last time I ever called Kreacher, after I'd decided that I was just staying at Hogwarts for the summer, I told him that the house was his from now on. I even convinced him to let me set him free, so that he could officially call it his house, by telling him that he could live out the rest of his days as the elf of only his beloved master Regulus if he so chose it."
Harry let out a soft snort. "You would have probably loved to see the look of happiness on his face when I told him my reasoning. And if I never see the old elf again, at least our last parting was a good one."
That ending part was certainly not something Hermione had been expecting. Even with the pain she felt about Harry seeing the house as giving him nothing but agony, she also couldn't help being immensely proud of him for being so kind to Kreacher like that. He never saw the look of surprise on her face, however, and continued with his speech.
"And as far as Hogwarts goes… look, I know I never told you before just how bad things were for me growing up. Never told you that I'd actually been starved at times. But now that you know, maybe that will make what I say next clearer to you. That, even with how much of a deathtrap it was year after year… Hogwarts really was the only home I'd ever known. And after we'd said our goodbyes in Australia, I actually ended up thinking about Hogsmeade first, rather than any place in England. So, when you saw me disappear, Hogsmeade was where I landed. And once I was there, I walked back to the castle, ran across McGonagall, and got her permission to stay for the summer."
He finally locked his eyes with hers again as he finished with, "And Hogwarts being the only thing that resembled a home for me is why I never looked anywhere else. I was already falling into my rut of not knowing what to do. So, I just went back to the one place that I knew."
Hermione didn't know how to respond. What was there to say when the person you loved continued to reveal further and further depths to his anguish? What words could be said to the fact that a school where he'd been in mortal peril every single year was the closest thing to a home in his mind?
Seeing the torment in her expression, he sadly smiled at her before reaching up with his left hand and patting her right one, still sitting on his arm, a couple of times. Then, as he dropped his hand, he murmured, "Come on. What do you say we keep moving to the graveyard?"
Once again marveling at how he was comforting her when she'd been the one to put him on the spot with her question, she simply nodded and said, "OK."
They remained silent as they continued their journey. Once they had passed through the kissing gate at the graveyard's entrance, however, Harry picked up the pace just slightly enough to make Hermione curious.
Then, as though he already knew she would have questions, he said, "Before I face them, there's one other place I want to stop at first."
She replied, "Whatever you want, Harry." He gave no further response, and soon enough, he halted them in front of a gravestone.
It was the grave of Kendra and Ariana Dumbledore.
As they silently stood there, Hermione read the words written on the stone a few times. Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. And for all of the dead headmaster's faults, she couldn't deny the truth to the words whether or not he had been the one to place them on the gravestone.
Her heart completely belonged to Harry. And he was the one thing she treasured more than anything in the world.
Then, Harry finally broke the silence. "I mentioned about talking with Dumbledore in my head while I was unconscious after being hit by Riddle's Killing Curse in the Forbidden Forest. One of the things he told me was about his sister Ariana. How he resented having to be the caretaker after their mother Kendra died while caring for Ariana. Which was in part why he became so taken with Grindelwald, since he now had a chance to escape what he believed was a cage that was trapping him.
"But after Aberforth confronted him with what he and Grindelwald were scheming, Grindelwald became furious. Furious enough that a three-way duel began. And amidst the chaos, Ariana was hit by a curse, with none of the three ever knowing which of them had fired it."
Harry then paused and closed his eyes. Hermione was completely taken with the information Harry was giving and thus didn't want to interrupt him. And after a few seconds, he opened his eyes and gave a sigh before continuing.
"I'm certain that Dumbledore always regretted it. If you remember what I said to Aberforth when we went back to Hogwarts, the potion he had to drink so that we could get the fake locket caused him, in my belief, to relive that duel. And what he most wanted was to keep his family from being harmed.
"And… as much as I dislike the man now for keeping me so completely in the dark in regards to his plans, I also can't help but pity him for only realizing what was important when it was too late. And I'm sure that's why this grave was marked with that phrase, as a reminder of what truly mattered."
Hermione turned her gaze back to the grave. Yes, what happened to the Dumbledore family was a tragedy. A mother dying while simply trying to care for her daughter. A sister being killed in the crossfire of a battle. And two brothers becoming estranged over their differences after their sister's death. All because of a single, selfish choice.
But still…
After everything Harry had told her about what he learned from Snape's memories and about what Dumbledore's plans really were for all those years, she couldn't feel pity. She felt a deep sadness for what happened to the rest of the family, who were completely innocent in the matter, but not for the man himself.
No, there was only a single feeling she had for Albus Dumbledore now. And it was here that she finally spoke. "Then you're a much better person than I am, Harry."
In her peripheral vision, she could see Harry glance at her with a bit of confusion. Then, he asked, "What do you mean?"
She unlinked her arm so that she could turn her body to fully face him, which caused him to do the same. Staring at him with all the seriousness in the world, she answered in a low voice, "Because I feel nothing but hatred for the man."
Harry's eyebrows rose in surprise at the blunt answer. After two seconds, he quietly said, "I know you said that you hoped he and Snape were in hell, Hermione, but couldn't full-on hatred be a bit much? And you know I'm not saying that lightly given how I even just said that I still dislike Dumbledore for his actions and secrets."
She snorted once before replying, with more warmth in her tone, "And the fact that you are the one saying that, Harry, just proves my point about you being a better person."
She turned serious again. "He placed you with relatives that he was certain would abuse you. He kept you ignorant for so long of the reason why Riddle specifically wanted to kill you. He only told you about that reason after your godfather had just died and you were in a state of grieving. He put an entire war on your shoulders without any kind of backup plan."
She had to stop for a second and blink back a few tears before her next statement. "He molded you to be a sacrifice. To just lay down and die at the hands of your enemy. And I can't help believing that all of those earlier bits I mentioned were done specifically for that purpose. Done to make sure that you had zero attachments that would give you reason not to go through with it. And if you had actually died in the forest, and I wasn't there to die with you…"
Her throat closed up, and she couldn't finish the statement. Seeing that her emotions were starting to overflow, he gingerly placed his hand on her left cheek, trying to soothe her. She flashed a quick smile to him, and his action gave her enough strength to continue.
"I told you, after we read that chapter of Rita Skeeter's book, that Dumbledore loved you, to which you retorted that he never did. You were right, and I was completely wrong. Someone that loved you would never have done even one of the things that he did to you. Someone that loved you would have wanted you to be happy and healthy."
Before her next words, she placed her left hand on top of his hand on her cheek. Then, she quietly but firmly said, "Someone that loved you would do all they can to die for you. And if there was truly no other way, they would want to die with you. Because they could never imagine living in a world without you in it."
She could see him begin to choke up at the reminder of just how far she was willing, and always had been willing, to go for him, even before she'd given any thought to deepening their relationship. Knowing that she was making his emotions run high when he needed all the composure that he could muster for talking to his parents, she dropped her hand before ending her rant with a simple summary.
"I'm deeply sad about the tragedies that happened to the rest of Dumbledore's family. But I can't muster any feeling for the man himself except hatred. Because he hurt the one that I love and treasure."
His eyes started to shine with tears before he dropped his hand from her cheek and turned his head away, looking towards the gravestone. She wondered if he was just reading the engraved words over and over, knowing that he was that which she treasured.
After a minute, Harry turned back to her and whispered with reverence, "Guess I can't argue against that, can I?"
Hermione smiled affectionately at him and then responded, "Like I said, Harry. The fact that you can still feel anything other than hatred for Dumbledore, after everything you went through because of his choices, makes you better than I'll ever be. And there's no retort you could give that would make me think otherwise."
Once again, he was at a loss for words at her adoration. His eyes glanced down at the ground for about five seconds. When he looked up again, he took a long, deep breath and simply said, "What do you say we go do what I actually wanted us to come here for?"
She silently nodded and linked her left arm into his right one again. With that, they began gradually walking past rows of gravestones. She heard Harry give a quiet but anxious sigh as they grew closer to their destination. And when they finally arrived, he took another deep breath, but a much shakier one this time. She squeezed his upper arm with her right hand, hoping she could give him support for what would come next.
They were finally standing at the grave of James and Lily Potter again, for the first time since last Christmas.
Hermione looked to Harry, seeing him rapidly blink for a few seconds and then take short and nervous breaths. She unlinked her arm from him before immediately wrapping it tightly around his waist and snuggling closer into his side. Then, she laid her head onto his right shoulder, hoping that her giving him as much contact as possible would comfort him even a small amount.
This was as much as she could do for Harry at the moment. Now, the only option was to remain at his side until he finally made a decision on what to do.
A/N: Y'all had to know this was coming, given the Christmastime setting and the PTSD aspects. So, all I can say now is, I hope the payoff of what comes next is good. Of course, it being officially Christmas Eve in the story, I couldn't resist also having a little family fluff to balance things out.
For all who have made it this far, thank you for reading, and I hope you stay tuned for more!
