Chapter 10
This was like nothing he'd ever experienced before.
It seemed to Harry as though he'd only just closed his eyes when he suddenly felt something graze his forehead. Then, he heard someone whisper to him, in such a quiet manner that he wouldn't have recognized the voice if the words themselves weren't a big clue. "Thank you for giving me my wings, Harry. And I'm sorry that I didn't tell you that before you fell asleep."
He frowned a bit, realizing that Hermione had spoken to him. He opened his eyes, initially wanting to question why she felt sorry when she'd already done so many wonderful things for him. But he was in for another shock that made him sit up.
Looking in every direction, all he could see around him was a white void.
Frightened at the view, he looked down, hoping he would at least see his body. To his relief, all parts of him seemed to be here, and he was dressed in the same pajamas that he'd worn before crawling into bed with Hermione.
He couldn't help snorting at his last thought. All the implications that could be wrought from that sentence, and yet they'd both been completely innocent and simply wanted to be next to each other. Or at least, he remembered somewhat sheepishly, Hermione made a great argument for him not to be away from her tonight.
Shaking his head, Harry slowly stood from the ground, or at least what felt like a ground since it was the same white wall that everything else around him was. Then, he couldn't help saying out loud, "What's going on? If this is a nightmare, it sure hasn't started like any of the others."
"Maybe this wasn't meant to be a nightmare, then."
Harry froze upon hearing someone speak from behind him. He knew that voice. The voice of his deceased godfather. And even with the previous statement, he couldn't help believing that this was going to be another nightmare.
But then, an image of Hermione, standing at his side with her arm linked into his, flashed in his mind. That caused him to take a deep breath to calm himself somewhat. She'd done so much to try and help him. Even if she wasn't physically here, the image gave him the resolve to think that it was time for him to start trying to help himself. Thus, he turned around, bracing himself to face whatever this dream may throw at him.
He was not at all prepared for the sight that greeted him, the five people that were standing there.
Sirius Black was definitely there. But so was Remus Lupin. To Remus' left, Nymphadora Tonks Lupin (though Harry would never say the first name) was standing and holding an infant in her arms. And in between Sirius and Remus, with the woman standing right in the middle of the group… were James and Lily Potter.
And all of them were gazing at him with warm smiles on their faces, with Lily appearing to be on the verge of tearing up.
Harry remained completely silent, too stunned to say anything, and just slowly walked up to his parents. He kept expecting that, at any moment, things were going to go sideways in some manner. But the smiles on all their faces only grew as he stopped to stand right in front of James and Lily.
Then, he gradually reached out to their shoulders with trembling hands, worried that this would all be a trick. But he received another huge shock when his hands didn't pass through them. He could physically feel his parents standing here.
It was at that point that Harry whispered, "Mum? Dad? You're really here?"
Lily instantly responded by grabbing Harry into a crushing hug, having to place his head on her shoulder since she was two inches shorter than even Hermione. Then, she cried out, "Oh, my wonderful boy! How long I've wished for a moment like this!"
James wrapped his arms around both Lily and Harry before adding, "Me too. Oh, it's so good to get to hug you like this, son!"
Harry closed his eyes and was fighting as hard as he could to keep from crying. The family remained in their group hug for over a minute before breaking away.
When they did, Harry noticed that the rest of the group had taken a few steps back, as if to let him and his parents have their moment. Taking a couple of deep breaths to compose himself, he started walking towards them, stopping at Sirius first. After doing so, his godfather didn't wait even another instant before also pulling him into a tight hug and saying, "I'm so happy that you made it through everything, my godson."
When Sirius let him go after about ten seconds, Harry only had a second of warning before Remus then stepped in and hugged him as well. Before letting go after a few seconds, the former professor said, "You did good, Harry. We're all so thankful for everything you've done."
At that point, Harry looked to the final person of the group. Upon doing so, Tonks gently said, "Wotcher, Harry. Feel like meeting your godson for the first time?"
His breath hitched as he replied, "So, this… really is Teddy? He seems so big, if you don't mind me saying."
Tonks gave an amused snort as she answered, "Well, that is what nearly eight months of growing would do, even in the afterlife. Now come on, no need to be shy."
Harry hesitantly nodded and slowly stepped closer to get a better look at his godson's face. The little boy had a small and round head that was full of light brown hair right now. He seemed to be asleep at first, but then he stirred and slowly opened his eyes, as though he felt the presence of someone else, and revealed their brown color. And once they were open, and the boy saw Harry looking at him from above, his eyes appeared to widen as he took in this new person.
At that point, Teddy reached out with his right hand. Harry couldn't help doing the same with his own, and then was startled a bit when Teddy grabbed onto his index finger. And an incredible feeling rose within him when the boy gave him a smile and laugh. Right after that, Harry received yet another shock when Teddy's hair slowly became black and his eyes changed to the exact green of Harry's own, before the child let go of the finger he had been holding.
Harry whispered in awe, "He already has that much control over his appearance changes?"
Remus was the one to respond, having stepped beside Tonks again, and he did so in a joking tone. "Yes, he does. Which means we know who he'll say his favorite parent is once he's able to speak. Dora's version of Peekaboo is to change something of her own appearance and see how long it takes for Teddy to copy it."
Harry couldn't help the laugh that left him, as he took a couple of steps back from the Lupin family. But then, it hit him once again who all he was standing with. He felt tears beginning to rise in his eyes at the thought that they were only dead because of him.
Immediately at that point, he felt two different hands clap onto his shoulders, while a third and smaller one reached up to pat his head. They remained there for just a second before pulling away. When he turned around, he found that his parents and Sirius had walked up to him.
Lily quietly said, "Please, sweetie. Don't start thinking those horrible and completely wrong ideas where you needlessly blame yourself for us dying."
James added in response, "Agreed. We would die for you again and again if it meant you would be able to have a life."
Sirius then gave his piece. "And not one of us has ever blamed you for the events that happened to us, not even for the slightest of moments."
Too stunned to speak, Harry then looked over to the Lupin family just to see what they would say.
Remus simply said, "I'm in complete agreement with them."
Tonks firmly added, "Won't hear any arguments from me on this subject, as well. Not even regarding what happened to my mum and my child here."
Somehow, the unanimous agreement caused the gears in Harry's mind to turn just enough for him to sputter, "How?"
He turned to his parents and said, "You're only dead because of the prophecy that Riddle assumed was about me."
Next, he looked at Sirius. "You're dead because you had to come rescue me at the Ministry after I had gone there under the false belief that Riddle was holding you hostage."
To Remus and Tonks, he added, "You two, your child, and Tonks' mother all died because I wasn't fast enough at ending things during the Battle of Hogwarts."
He then looked down at his feet and choked out, "How can all of you be so accepting of me when you all have reason to be angry with what's happened because of me?"
Even after having taken the step to talk to his parents at their grave, his guilt still ran so deeply that, even in a dream where everyone was telling him that they didn't blame him, he couldn't accept it.
Lily couldn't take this and needed to soothe her child. She slowly guided him around to face her before pulling him into a gentle hug, which he simply stood and accepted. After a few seconds, she pulled back enough to place her hands on his shoulders in what she hoped was a comforting touch.
She then gave a warm smile, believing she knew exactly what would make her son start to let go of his guilt over them. "Tell me, Harry. What might Hermione say about you blaming yourself for what happened to us? Or even just for the events that she went through, to use something more tangible."
He was confused at what his mum was getting at but knew in his mind what the answer was. "She would adamantly say that I hold no blame in what happened. She would say, and already has said, that she would choose to suffer through all of it again if it meant that we could be together like we have been over the last few days."
The smile on Lily's face grew, and the rest of the adults began smiling as well at realizing what the Potter matriarch was going to do.
She continued, "And would you trust her when she says that?"
Harry's instant and resolute reply was, "I trust Hermione with everything that I am."
At that, Lily reached down to gently grab her son's hands before she quietly asked, "Then, would it be so hard to start believing us when we say that Hermione would be completely right, and that we all believe the same when it comes to what we suffered? That we all knowingly chose to stand up and fight, even if it meant certain death? And that all of us are so proud of what you were able to accomplish as just a teenager, so relieved that you were able to survive to see the end of that monster and his followers, and so happy that you've allowed Hermione to help you over the past week and are now beginning to find your own happiness?"
His eyes widened and his jaw dropped in complete disbelief. Looking down into his mum's eyes, the same emerald eyes that he possessed, and seeing zero traces of doubt, he was just barely able to whisper after a few seconds, "You mean that. You really do mean that."
James put a hand on Harry's shoulder and replied, "That's right, son. We really do."
The other three adults then all spoke at the same time. "Every one of us."
Harry twisted his head to look at everyone else and found nothing but a firm yet warm resolution in their expressions. Even Teddy was staring at him from Tonks' arms and began smiling and laughing when he looked at the child.
Looking back to his mum, Harry couldn't stop the tears that began falling, but he had a large smile on his face from the utter happiness at the words from everyone around him. Lily couldn't resist pulling him into another hug, with James joining not a moment later. They silently remained like that for another minute, and the happiness among the three permeated the air so much that even the others couldn't help the huge smiles that came to their faces at just the mere sight of the Potter family.
Eventually, Harry was the one to finally start pulling away, to which his parents allowed him. He took just enough steps back that he could look at all five of his lost loved ones.
While he truly was filled with happiness right now, he still needed to say one thing. "Like I've told Hermione before, I can't guarantee that I won't slip up with feeling guilty about you all in the future. But… I'll try to remember what you've told me here."
His mum replied, "That's all we ask. And if or when you would feel that guilt, we know from everything we heard the two of you say in the graveyard that she'll be right there to help you."
He couldn't help laughing before he said, "Yeah, Mum. She really will."
The parents both smiled for a few more seconds. Then, James turned somber as he reluctantly said, "Well, I think our time will grow short soon, now that we've done what we hoped to accomplish."
Harry instantly cried out, "Already? You have to leave so soon?"
To that, Remus responded, "Well, perhaps we might not physically be with you any longer."
Tonks then interjected, "But that doesn't mean that we're necessarily leaving."
Sirius was apparently next in line, as Harry kept flipping his gaze to whichever person was speaking. "Definitely. In fact, we won't really be far away at all."
Harry looked back to his parents now in his confusion, figuring one or both of them would say something in response. He was right when James added, "That's right. There's one place that you'll certainly find us, whenever you may need or just want to remember us."
The group then let silence reign for a few seconds. It only lasted that long because Harry couldn't take it and had to ask, "Where?"
It was then that Lily stepped up and placed her hand right over her son's heart as she lovingly answered, "Right here, sweetie. Right in your heart. And as long as you keep us right in there, Harry, we'll never truly be gone."
Harry gave everyone another tearful smile and chokingly replied, "I will. I won't forget everything you all have done for me, what you gave up so that I could have a future."
Then, feeling in his gut that it was almost time once his mum dropped her hand, he couldn't help sadly saying, "There's still a part of me that wishes this wasn't a dream, but then I would have to be dead with you all, and I couldn't do that to Hermione."
His father stepped forward and responded, "You know, son, this doesn't necessarily have to be a dream."
"That's right," his mother added. "It can be as real as you want to believe it to be. Who's to tell you that it isn't? That we couldn't have come to you in a time of need to reassure you that everything is alright?"
A laugh came forth from Harry once again, and he replied, "Well, I'll worry about that thought later. For now, though… thank you so much for letting me get one last chance to see you all."
Everyone else gave a nod, before Lily spoke up with the last remaining thought on her mind. "Before we leave, would you mind if I asked you to do two things for us?"
Harry quickly responded, "Anything, Mum. Just name it."
She then said, "First, please tell Hermione that we're so thankful for her remaining by your side throughout every ordeal that you had to suffer. And that we couldn't be happier that the two of you are together and finding happiness with each other."
He smiled and decisively replied, "I will, Mum. I promise."
She responded with a smile and nod. Then, she turned a bit more serious again. "And second, you've been quite conflicted with how well the Grangers have treated you over this past week, because you still blame yourself for them missing out on time with their daughter in previous years as well as essentially losing a year of their lives, correct?"
Harry sadly nodded, knowing his mum was one hundred percent correct. Then, he said, "It's hard not to think about being a direct cause for bringing such turmoil into their lives."
James jumped in at this point. "Well son, to go along with what your mother brought up earlier, have they ever once said to you, or given any indication at all with their actions, that they hold any blame towards you? Didn't you even say in the graveyard that they've treated you as though you were a member of the family?"
His melancholy started to gradually fade as Harry quickly realized where his parents were leading him. He quietly replied, "No, Dad. They haven't acted as though they blame me. They would have never let me stay alone in their house if they did. And they've said that I'm important to them, just for being Hermione's best friend. Though, after what Hermione revealed in the graveyard about her childhood, I guess I can see why that is now. And what both you and Mum are getting at is that I should start believing them when they say and do such things because it's their choice to make such actions, right?"
James smiled and ruffled his son's hair, pulling an amused snort from Harry, before saying, "Yep, that's exactly right."
"And that's what it all comes down to," Lily added. "All of us chose to fight alongside you or even sacrifice ourselves for you. The Grangers chose to show you kindness and support. And Hermione chose to always be at your side, no matter what happens. And you, my dear son… you don't have to choose to continue holding onto your guilt over the choices we've all made. If there's anything at all you take from this meeting, try to remember that. Always."
The muted pleading that he heard in his mother's tone left Harry speechless. But… he knew she was right, and that there were two possible paths that he could take. He could let the guilt and shame persist and possibly overwhelm him again at some point in the future. Or, he could start trying to just appreciate that a number of people throughout his life were willing to go an extra mile for him out of their own volition.
At that moment, he flashed back in his mind to the quiet words that he heard. Thank you for giving me my wings, Harry. With that, he knew that there was only one choice he could ever make in this matter.
Thus, in a quiet and subdued tone, he repeated his answer from his mother's first request. "I will, Mum. I promise."
Lily gave him a heartfelt smile before immediately pulling him in for one more hug, lasting a few seconds. When she pulled away, she was quickly replaced by James, who also hugged Harry for a few seconds. Once James ended the hug, the other three followed for their own hugs in the order of Sirius, Remus, and Tonks, though the one with Tonks obviously had to be more Harry giving her a hug considering she was holding onto her child.
After Harry let her go, he took one more look at his godson, who was staring right back at him and still had hair and eyes that were a spitting image of his own. He reached forward with his right hand again, and Teddy immediately latched onto his index finger once it was within grasping range. Then, the child let out a few happy laughs as he moved the finger up and down, as though he was trying to give his own handshake as a goodbye. Harry couldn't help the watery yet joyful laugh that escaped him at that moment, before Teddy let go of his finger after about five more seconds.
At that point, Harry took another step back while his parents, his godfather, and the Lupin family all moved to stand in a line, in the same positions as they'd been in when Harry first saw them. And only a few seconds after they had taken their places, everyone began to very gradually fade away. But they each had one last thing to say.
Tonks said, "Take care, Harry."
Remus added, "Teddy will know every wonderful thing about his godfather."
Sirius responded, "It was so good that we got to see you again."
James replied, "We're so proud of you and everything that you've done in your life."
Lily said, "Never forget that we won't be far if you ever need us."
Finally, his parents finished by saying together, "And we love you so much, Harry."
At that point, Harry tearfully replied, "I'll miss you all. I'm glad to have seen you. And I love you, too."
All of them, Teddy included, gave him one more smile before they finally faded from existence. Harry closed his eyes, just trying to process everything that had happened. And when he next opened them, he found himself back in Hermione's room, staring at her as she was peacefully sleeping.
All of that… he would certainly have a story for Hermione when they woke up in the morning. He couldn't help but start wondering about his mother's words. Was it possible for what he just witnessed to have not been a dream? Had he truly gotten to physically meet all of those who were lost? Or was that most likely just wishful thinking on his part?
At that moment, he actually recalled the words from the cold Hermione in his previous nightmare. Did it even matter whether or not it was a dream?
Harry smiled as the answer came to him immediately. No, it didn't really matter. All that mattered was that he got to see his parents, his godfather, Remus, and Tonks one final time, along with actually meeting his godson. All of them had reassured him that they held no blame on him and were only happy that he'd survived and had begun slowly working through his issues.
And he couldn't help but believe that, because of how his mum first used Hermione to show him that all of them felt just like her in not blaming him for what they suffered through their decisions to do things for him, he'd only gotten to meet them tonight thanks to the presence of the wonderful woman that he was currently lying with. The woman that truly could keep the nightmares away just by being with him. The woman from which he hoped he could draw the strength to finally be able to start ending his nightmares on his own from this moment forward.
Once again recalling the words that were whispered before he'd opened his eyes to the white void, he leaned in and just barely kissed her forehead before saying, "Sleep well, Angel. I love you."
Her face twitched just a bit, but she didn't awaken. She did, however, snuggle up even closer to him before letting out a sigh. He laughed in his mind at the adorable sight. With that, he closed his eyes again and, in no time at all, had fallen back asleep.
-O-
Hermione stirred awake and opened her eyes. She found herself looking at Harry's sleeping form, with what appeared to be a peaceful smile on his face. She couldn't help smiling at the hope that he'd gotten to sleep the whole night. Turning as slowly as possible to try not to disturb him, she looked at the clock to see that it was already just past seven in the morning.
Wow, she thought. It had been a while since she'd slept even this late. Perhaps she'd gotten a much-needed rest, as well.
When she turned back to Harry, she found him already staring at her with wide-open eyes, and his smile had grown a bit. Before she could speak, he said, "Good morning, beautiful."
Beautiful.
That single word caused her to remember what she'd planned to do today, what she needed to reveal, and her expression instantly fell into sadness. She felt even more guilty when that immediately caused him to become concerned.
"Hermione," he said with worry. "Angel. Why do you want to fight so hard against it when I call you beautiful?"
His question only put her on the verge of tearing up. Not only did he truly believe she was beautiful when he didn't know what she was hiding, but he thought so highly of her that he was now using 'Angel' as a nickname. Her deepening despair immediately gave him even more fright, but she finally began speaking before he could say more.
"Because I'm not beautiful, Harry. Because I've been hiding something from you for so long. Because you need to see it to know how ugly I am."
She sat up and threw her legs over the side of the bed, turning her back to him. She was trying to psych herself up to reveal the scar, but Harry quickly got up and kneeled on the floor in front of her, grabbing her hands after doing so.
"Hermione," he gently said, "You could never be anything even close to ugly. What could possibly give you the idea that you are?"
She rapidly blinked her eyes for a second before she haltingly whispered, "Go lock the door so that my parents can't come in."
He was instantly confused but did as she ordered. When he finished and was walking back, she stood up before saying, "Sit on the bed. And please don't get up."
He went to the middle of the bed and sat on its edge, and she took a few steps away from the bed to give him space, keeping her back to him. She couldn't help but start taking short, gasping breaths at how he was finally going to see the result of what happened at the Department of Mysteries. And what made it worse was how she was so afraid that it would make him feel completely guilty.
At that point, she heard Harry desperately pleading, "Hermione, right now you're really testing my capacity for listening to you. Please, just tell me what's got you so frightened."
That gave her enough willpower to speak, though she remained facing the door. "There's something I have to show you. And I have to be topless for you to see it."
He immediately replied, "Hermione, you don't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable – "
"No, Harry," she instantly interjected. "I need to do this. I need to show you what I've been hiding for the last two-and-a-half years, something else that only Mum and Dad know I have. If I don't do this, I'll never be able to make progress with our relationship."
Behind her, all Harry wished he could do was walk up to her and hold her until she was OK. But he still continued fighting his instincts in order to follow her orders. Her words about the time elapsed confused him for a bit. When he thought about it, the amount of time she gave would have placed them at the end of their fifth year of Hogwarts.
Then, it hit him like a truck, with his eyes widening and his blood beginning to run cold. The end of their fifth year. When they'd gone to the Department of Mysteries…
Meanwhile, at that exact moment, Hermione had gathered enough courage to finally rip her shirt over her head, throwing it on the floor next to her dresser after doing so. Then, since she was already braless, she slowly turned around to face Harry and whatever consequences would come from her reveal.
At first, Harry was simply stunned that he was really getting to see Hermione topless like this, that she trusted him enough to reveal so much of herself already. But it only took another second for his focus to shift to something else about her. Something that filled him with so much sadness.
The large, pink scar that ran from her left shoulder, in between her breasts, and down to her right hip, ending somewhere in the waistband of her pajama pants. The scar that he knew, without her needing to say so, she received from Antonin Dolohov's curse at the Department of Mysteries.
As his eyes traced it down and then up again, he could at first only say with as much sympathy as he could muster, "Oh, Hermione – "
He didn't get a chance to continue as she despondently burst out. "You see?! Even you can only focus on the ugliness of the scar, it's so hideous! It's never faded even a little bit since the day I finished that potion regiment that Madam Pomfrey had me on! And it always mocks me with the reality that no one could ever find beauty in such a disfigurement!"
She hung her head before crossing her arms in an X shape and hugging them against her chest, covering the scar again. "This is why I fight against your words, Harry. Because they just aren't true. Because I'm not beautiful and never will be."
At that point, tears finally started falling down her face. She just stood there in silence, head lowered in shame, waiting for the moment that Harry would get up and leave the room.
She did hear him rise from the bed, but that was all she got right.
She felt a hand underneath her chin, slowly tilting her head back up. She gave zero resistance, and soon enough, she was staring up into a pair of determined, emerald eyes.
Suddenly, something from one of her old books popped into her mind. The book itself was about different gemstones. And it spoke of the emerald being the stone of successful love. A stone that symbolized friendship, balance between partners, and unconditional love.
Unconditional love.
Even if she'd had more time to think, she couldn't have dared to hold onto the hope the remembrance of that random fact might give her when combined with the resolution in Harry's expression right now. As it stood, that moment was when he dropped his right hand from her chin.
Then, he firmly spoke to her. "So, I know full well that my next question will be rhetorical, but I still want to hear you answer it. OK?"
Hermione just silently nodded, confused about where he was going with this.
"Good," he replied. "With that… if you knew beforehand that you would end up with this scar when we went to the Department of Mysteries, would you have refused to go with me?"
Even through her current fears, her answer was automatic. "Never. As much as it hurts that I'm so badly scarred for life… that pales in comparison to what losing you would do to me. It would have killed me even back then, when I hadn't fully realized my feelings, if something happened to you and I wasn't there to help however I could."
Harry just vaguely nodded before continuing. "Alright, another rhetorical question then. If you had the chance to have that scar removed like it was never there in the first place, but it meant that we would never be together, would you take it?"
She momentarily felt slighted about this question but immediately remembered that he must have a purpose in asking it. With her voice slowly becoming steadier, she said, "Never. I told you once, and I'll tell you again. I would suffer through everything that I did, however many times necessary, if it meant you and I were together like this."
He just nodded again before shifting his gaze a bit, now looking at the arms she still held over her chest to cover the scar. Then, locking his eyes back onto her, he gently whispered, "And now, a serious question. Will you drop your arms, Hermione? Let me see it again? Please?"
Her anxiety came back in full force, but after a few rapid blinks of her eyes, she slowly pulled her arms away and let them hang at her side. Once again, she was exposed to him, and all she could do now was wait to see what action he would take.
And then…
He slowly moved his right hand and placed his index and middle fingers on her shoulder, at the very tip of the scar. He gradually and tenderly started pulling his fingers along the path of the scar. It felt so loving that Hermione couldn't help the momentary spark of fire that lit up within her at his touch, even with the massive amount of fear that she was still feeling.
He kept tracing the scar until just before the very point where his hand would begin touching her breast. He stopped there but didn't remove his fingers yet. At that point, he finally locked eyes with her again and began speaking.
"Something happened with me last night that I want to tell you about later. But for now, let's just say that it made me realize that I wasn't fully appreciating the fact that people were making their own choices to do things for me."
He reached up with his left hand and pushed his hair back to fully reveal the lightning bolt scar on his forehead. "Like this. For so long, I've only seen this scar as a curse and burden. A symbol of unwanted fame, lost family, and the chains of destiny. But now, I finally see another meaning to it. One that I will do everything in my power to make sure I never forget."
Hermione was unable to refrain from asking, "What meaning, Harry?"
His mouth twitched upward for an instant before he solemnly replied, "A symbol of love. The love that my mother and father held for me. A love great enough that they were willing to knowingly throw their own lives away so that I, a mere infant, would have a chance to live."
Dropping his left hand from his forehead, his eyes glanced towards the spot where the fingers on his right hand were still touching her own scar, and then he looked back up to her. "You see this scar as a mark of ugliness. A stain that would preclude you from ever being beautiful."
While she wasn't sure if she might be interrupting, she couldn't help dejectedly nodding at his statements.
"Well," he said, "do you know what I see when I look at it?"
In anticipation of what he would say, her only response was to shake her head. And his answer gave her a shock to rival that which she received in the Forest of Dean when Harry implied that he saw her as more than a friend.
"I see loyalty, in the fact that you came with me to the Department of Mysteries to rescue Sirius, even though you were completely and correctly certain about my vision being a trap. I see cleverness, in how you came up with a plan on the spot to get rid of Umbridge after she caught us in her office, allowing us to leave for the Ministry in the first place. I see bravery, in how you stood beside me with zero hesitation against the much more experienced Death Eaters, until Dolohov knocked you unconscious with that curse."
He placed his left hand on her cheek before his next words. "And most of all, I see an unconditional love. One so great and deep that, even if your feelings were simply subconscious at the time, you continued to stay with me, helping me and fighting alongside me, even after such a grave and mortal injury. So many other people would have immediately given up on me if they were injured so badly, or even for much less than that, but leaving was never even a remote thought for you."
Hermione was tearing up again, but this time from the overwhelming happiness that was rising up within her. She was so choked up that she couldn't make even a sound.
Seeing her predicament, Harry decided to bring his speech to an end. "So, what I hope you'll take from this, and remember from this moment on… this scar," and he softly traced his fingers up to her shoulder and back down again before stopping at the same place, "doesn't make you ugly. You've never once been ugly, and always been beautiful even if I was blind to it. The scar does, however, hold a much greater meaning. It's a literal physical representation of just how much you love and care for me. And that, Hermione, my Angel… makes you the most beautiful person on the face of the planet."
With that, he leaned over to her shoulder and placed a few gentle and trailing kisses along the scar before stopping once he reached where his fingers were still touching.
That loving action pushed her over the edge.
Without warning, she grabbed his face between her hands and pulled him down into a hard, passionate kiss. He was surprised but quickly responded to her affections. The two of them stood there and kissed for probably thirty seconds.
Then, Hermione pulled her mouth off of his and took hold of Harry's hands. She turned herself and Harry so that he was now the one with his back to the door, before then beginning to pull him along as she quickly walked backwards. He seemed to be a bit confused by her actions but not enough to ask out loud or separate from her. And when her legs touched the side of the bed, she flung herself backwards onto it and pulled him on top of her, shifting to wrap her arms around him after they hit the bed.
That seemed to shock him out of the passionate haze in which they had fallen. Pushing himself onto his forearms so that he wouldn't put too much weight on her, he sputtered, "Hermione, what – what are we doing?"
Instead of responding to him, she just held out her left hand and could only think of needing her wand at this very moment. In an instant, it flew into her hand. Without removing her gaze from him, she put the wand in her right hand and then placed the tip of the wand at her stomach before whispering, "Ne Conceptionis."
A light blue glow around her stomach showed that the spell was successful. She quickly pointed her wand at Harry's genital area and did the same, seeing the light of a successful cast in the bottom of her vision even though Harry was still wearing his clothes. Then, she threw the wand to the other side of the room, where it landed on her desk, and wrapped her arms back around him. Only then did she finally speak to Harry.
"I want you so much, Harry. I want you to make love to me."
His eyes became huge at her request. He murmured, "So that spell was – "
She interjected, "A contraceptive, yes. The glow means that the casting worked and will prevent pregnancy for any sex had within the next twenty-four hours. And yes, how the prevention works will obviously be different when the spell is cast on you compared to me, but the result of no pregnancy will be the same. And theoretically, that spell would work even if I'd only cast it on just one of us, but I would rather be safe just in case."
She knew that her tone would sound pleading when she next spoke, but she didn't care at all. "Every word you spoke to me, every action you took, the fact that you can see nothing but beauty in my scarred appearance. All of that shows me just how deeply and unconditionally you love me. And I want to give myself to you completely. Body and soul."
He was stunned wordless at the declaration, but she could also see his deep fondness for her slowly filling his eyes.
When he was finally able to speak, he whispered, "What – what about your parents, and their reaction if they find out?"
In her mind, the lustful part of her gave a mischievous grin. Just like last Friday night with her idea to stay at her home, he was at least on the hook for her spontaneous request. And again, she had a quick answer at the ready.
As she responded to him, she couldn't resist the temptation of smirking outwardly. "Rule number one: excessive displays of affection must be kept in the privacy of our rooms. Rule number two: some kind of protection, whether magical or non-magical, must be used if we have sex at any time between now and the moment where we've officially graduated from Hogwarts. And rule number three: there are no other rules except for the first two."
She started slowly rubbing her left hand in a circle on his back, though still remaining on the outside of his shirt. "Besides, Mum and Dad already believe that I'm going to be the one to initiate this step. If anything, they'll probably just ask if we used protection before then mercilessly teasing me."
His shock had gone away, and it now appeared as though he was beginning a fight with his own temptations. But he still had another question for her. "Have… have you ever done this before?"
He then turned a bit frantic as he hurriedly added, "It's OK if you have, that wouldn't matter at all. It's just, I've heard that the first time can sometimes be painful for women and… I don't want to hurt you."
His worry over her turned her smirk into a warm smile. "No, I'm still a virgin. Which means yes, there could be some initial pain if we do this and my hymen gets torn in the process. But that's just a fact of life, Harry. It wouldn't really be because of you."
Then, she couldn't help becoming a bit timid. "What about you? Have you – "
"Never," he interjected. "The only two girls I've even so much as dated before are Cho Chang and Ginny. You know everything about how things with Cho went for me, which is to say only that single, disastrous date in fifth year. With Ginny, I'll admit that she and I did some heavy snogging, though at least it was all in private unlike that first kiss we had right in the common room, but there was nothing beyond that. Though that's not to say she didn't want to take things further, because there were a few times that she tried, but it just never felt right to do more, even if I didn't exactly know why I felt like that."
That actually gave her a segue to say one final thought. "Speaking of going further, there's one more thing that I need to say."
He became confused but nodded his assent.
She said, "I know I just told you that I'm completely ready, Harry. But I still don't want to force you to do anything you aren't comfortable doing, nor do I want to even unintentionally take advantage of your love for me. I know this would be a massive step when we only became a couple three days ago. So, all in all… if you think you may not be ready, then please, just say so. I can wait for as long as you need until you feel that you are ready to take such a leap in our relationship. Because I want to make sure that we're taking that leap together."
He became astonished once again and slowly pulled away from her to stand, though remaining right at the edge of the bed and staring down at her. She didn't give him any resistance, wanting him to do whatever he felt was necessary in making this decision.
Hermione couldn't say exactly how long they stayed like that, unmoving and staring at one another. But eventually, Harry was the first to break the stillness.
And his actions gave her what was definitely the happiest surprise of her life yet.
Even from where she was lying on the bed, she could see the emerald shade of his eyes darken just a bit in a haze. Then, without warning, he flung his right hand in the direction of the pillow, and his wand flew into the hand. He took a couple of steps back, twisted around, and muttered multiple silencing spells at her door, causing a spark of hope to flare up within her. When he finished, he threw the wand over to her desk, where it just happened to land right next to hers, and he turned to face her afterward.
At that moment, still keeping silent, he ripped his shirt over his head and dropped it on the floor. As soon as he took a step towards her, she quickly shifted up so that she was lying lengthwise on the bed rather than sideways. She only had just enough time before he'd gotten onto the bed and crawled up to lie on top of her. Though he propped himself up on his forearms just like before, she immediately circled her arms back around him, trying to hug him as closely to her as possible. For a few seconds afterward, they remained motionless, only gazing right into each other's eyes.
Then, his head dove downward until his lips connected with hers in another passionate kiss. And there would be no going back for either of them from this moment.
There were no words great enough for them to describe the feeling of sharing such closeness. The anticipation of seeing each other with no barriers as they removed their remaining clothes from one another. The joy of simply exploring their bodies and giving one another the greatest bliss with merely their touch. And finally, the happiness that was almost overwhelming once Hermione made the move to finally join them as one. Even the initial burst of pain that shot through her quickly faded away as she stared down into Harry's eyes and witnessed the total love within them, leaving her with only the jubilation that she could ever be like this with Harry at all. But even for as slowly as they went, never removing their gazes from one another to try and savor this as much as humanly possible, it didn't take long for them to begin reaching the edge of their resistance. And soon enough, with cries that probably could have been heard from the next street over if Harry hadn't put up those silencing spells, that explosion of pleasure finally hit them again.
When the fire within her started fading away, Hermione flopped down onto Harry's chest, snuggling her head into his neck, and they both wrapped each other in a hug right afterward. He slowly shifted so that they were lying on their sides, with his back to the door. Both of them had their eyes closed at the moment, breathing heavily as they slowly cooled off from the delightful highs.
Eventually, when their breathing had become steadier, they opened their eyes at the same time and looked at one another. Neither of them could resist the absolutely huge smile that immediately grew on their face. And at that moment, Hermione was the one to break their silence.
"Oh my," she said. "That, that was…"
Harry interjected, "I would say completely and absolutely amazing, but even that doesn't feel like an apt enough description."
She let out a musical laugh and replied, "My thoughts exactly."
Then, she touched and held her forehead to his. Though her smile didn't lessen, she became just a bit more serious as she whispered, "Thank you for loving me so unconditionally."
He responded just as quietly, "Thank you for loving me just the same." With that, they stayed silent for at least another minute, basking in the joy of being in each other's arms after sharing the most intimate of acts together.
Then, Hermione couldn't help smirking a bit as she recalled something from earlier. She playfully asked Harry, "So, you've renamed me Angel now, then?"
He blushed and timidly answered, "Um, is that nickname alright in private? I know I haven't actually asked if you like it, and I – "
She interrupted him with a finger to the lips. Holding it there for a couple of seconds before letting go, she then said, "More than alright. I'll treasure it, Harry."
She couldn't, however, stop the sigh that left her before her next thought. "I only just wish that I had one for you. Especially something that could relate to your wonderful eyes."
While his blush deepened, he smiled again as he asked, "Why my eyes?"
"Because of the brilliant shade of emerald that they are, and which I can lose myself in so freely." Her initial response caused him to blush so much that his face may as well have been a tomato. She laughed a bit in her mind at how adorable it was that he still had some of that awkwardness even after they'd just shared so much together, but she didn't let it show outwardly as she continued.
"When you tilted my head up after I told you I could never be beautiful with this scar, as I was staring into your eyes, I suddenly recalled a passage from an old book of mine about gemstones. About how the emerald is the stone of successful love. How it symbolizes friendship, balance between partners, and unconditional love."
Harry's eyes widened as he said, "Wow, that… that actually kind of sounds like us in a way."
She soundly agreed, "Yes, doesn't it! Especially, for me, after the way you showed exactly how much you love me by making my scar feel like a thing of beauty. So, I wish I could give you some kind of name related to the emerald for both that symbolism as well as to match your emerald eyes."
Her eyes glanced down and away from his as she then mournfully said, "But I'm so terrible with names. The only thing I can come up with right now is 'Emerald' itself. And that just doesn't feel good enough for you, especially when you're calling me something as wonderful as Angel."
She went quiet at that point. Harry truly did deserve the best and more, and using Emerald as a nickname seemed like it could be too embarrassing for him. But then, after about ten more seconds, her eyes instantly shot back to his at the response he gave.
"You could call me Emerald if that's what you want."
His face had returned to its normal color, and his expression showed no hesitation. Not a trace of embarrassment or discomfort with what he said.
Still, she couldn't help shyly responding, "But Harry, isn't that almost too… silly as a nickname?"
"Is it really, Hermione? For one, you said yourself that you want something that relates to the emerald color of my eyes, and you can't get much more fitting than simply using Emerald itself. And two… you just gave me knowledge about the wonderful meanings behind an emerald. Not to mention us both just agreeing that the symbolism of the emerald matches quite well with our own relationship, right?"
His argument was starting to wash away her misgivings, but she was a worrywart for a reason. "You wouldn't be embarrassed to have such a nickname, even just in private?"
He tenderly smiled at her and replied, "I don't mind being your Emerald since you're willing to be my Angel. I'll wear it with pride, especially given such a beautiful meaning that you have behind the name."
Once again, the sheer happiness that came with seeing just how much he adored her made tears rise up in her eyes. Without another word, she brought her mouth forward and kissed him, and they lost themselves for another minute before pulling away.
Then, as she was gazing into those stunning eyes, she quietly said, "My Emerald."
He gave one quiet chuckle before replying, "My Angel."
She contentedly sighed, so happy with everything that had happened this morning. There was no better way to spend Christmas than simply being with someone that you love.
Speaking of spending Christmas with those that she loved…
Glancing past Harry to the clock on her closet door, she saw that the time was about twenty-five minutes after eight. This caused her to give a more reluctant sigh as she then said, "It's almost eight thirty. We should probably get out of bed and then go take showers. There's no way that Mum and Dad haven't wondered about us by now."
A small look of fear washed over him as he said, "Oh bugger, you're right. Well, so much for me not wanting to go too fast, huh?"
She started gently rubbing a small circle in his back, hoping to soothe him. But his statement did bring up a question in her mind.
She asked, "Speaking of that, if you don't mind me asking… what changed your mind? Like I said last night, you originally wanted to wait before we even just slept next to each other. What made you decide to go ahead and make this leap with me?"
As she went quiet, his expression became completely tender, and he replied, "Well… I'm not sure if I can even put it in the right words. It was like… when I was standing there, after you made that declaration about you being ready but also still being totally willing to wait for however long it might be until I was ready, my heart was telling me that there was no reason to be afraid anymore. That I knew even in my head that I was completely safe with you. And that I was ready to take this huge step with you, no matter what kind of reservation I could come up with in my mind. So, I listened to my heart, knowing it was entirely right after everything you've done for me, and acted on it."
He became timid as he continued, "I know that probably sounds silly and may not really mean much, but – mmph!"
This time, she was the one to interrupt him with a gentle kiss. Though he was a bit slower on the uptake, he responded to the kiss after a couple of seconds, and the two once again became absorbed in one another.
Hermione pulled away after about ten more seconds. With all the love she could put into her tone, she said, "Coming from you, it means the world to me, Harry. Truly."
The smile he responded with was so wonderful to see that no amount of teasing she knew she would receive from her parents could ever take away from this moment. And for another minute, they simply lied there and remained silent, content to just gaze into each other's eyes.
Finally, Hermione gave another hesitant sigh and whispered, "As much as I hate ruining this moment, we really do need to get up."
The fear returned to Harry's expression as he responded with a question. "So, you're sure they won't actually get angry about this? Since I'm sure they'll have realized that I was in your room with you."
She shook her head. "Even if they did, we followed the exact rules that were laid out for us. We were in my room with the door locked, and I used a protection spell on both of us. They wouldn't have a leg to stand on."
Placing her right hand on his cheek, she added, "And no matter what happens, you'll have me right there beside you. Things will be alright, Harry."
That managed to bring forth a small smile from him, and he said, "Alright then. Well, come on. How about we get dressed so that I can actually walk out of here without issue?"
They took a few minutes to gather their pajamas flung about the room and dress back in them. Once they were clothed, they turned to each other before Harry asked, "So, do you want to go first? I won't mind waiting in the guest room until you're finished."
She responded, "Actually, I was thinking that you could use the hall bathroom, while I go to Mum and Dad's room to use the shower in their connecting bathroom. That way, we'll be done a lot quicker than if we waited on each other."
"They wouldn't mind you being in there?"
"Of course not, Harry. It's not some forbidden area. It'll be fine."
He just gave a quiet hum of agreement. At that point, she went over to her door and opened it, glancing into the hallway. Seeing no one, she gestured to him and said, "OK, you're safe to come out."
He nodded and then walked to her room entrance. Before crossing the threshold, however, he stopped at her and shyly said, "I know we'll just be seeing each other in about forty minutes or so, but…"
At his pause, he leaned in and gave her one more soft kiss, lasting for a few seconds. And when he pulled away, he whispered, "I love you, Hermione. And Merry Christmas."
She replied with nothing but affection, "I love you too, Harry. And Merry Christmas."
With a final smile, he walked back into his room to pick out his day clothes.
As Hermione moved to do the same, she couldn't help grinning as she thought about how this was already the best Christmas that she'd ever had. Harry giving his complete and total love to her, over the course of the last few days, was the greatest gift she could ever receive.
"Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also," she whispered out loud. Yes, her heart completely lied in Harry's possession, now and forever more. And she would always treasure every single moment that she could ever have with him.
A/N: Well then! I definitely didn't foresee this chapter going the way it did when I started writing it. In fact, once I'd written out the paragraphs where Hermione pulls Harry onto the bed and then he asks what were they doing, I actually stopped and asked myself, "Wait, is this really happening? Am I really doing this now?" But now that it's finished, it's also hard for me to imagine things happening any other way. Guess that might be what it means to let the characters write themselves haha.
And hopefully, the scene itself is not only still clean enough to keep the story T-rated but also not a cringe-fest to read. I tried to keep the actual act to a single paragraph specifically for that reason.
Now, with the spell used in the story for contraception, I went to multiple translation sites to try and make sure I could consistently get something that worked, because I don't know a thing about Latin, and that's the language used for almost all existing spells in the franchise. And the phrase that I have for the incantation kept coming up as "to prevent conception" with its meaning, so I went with it. Thus, if that phrase is actually rubbish Latin, I'm sorry, it's the best I could do with my infinitely small knowledge of the actual language.
Regarding the bits with the meaning of an emerald, I actually pulled that from the site "crystalvaults dot com/crystal-encyclopedia/emerald/". Specifically, from the second paragraph in the section titled "Introduction to the Meaning and Uses of Emerald." This was the main source, but I did also bookmark a few other sites for myself just to verify that the information would be matching. So hopefully, the site I gave here isn't complete garbage with its information. I like to think it's not, since the site also has footnote citations to a list of books, but I guess you can never really know for certain if you don't also know those sources themselves.
And with the nicknames... well, I like them, at the very least. 'Angel' probably should seem pretty obvious given the previous chapter. And with 'Emerald,' let's just say that the line about being terrible with names is applicable to more than just Hermione in-story. That's why I started looking up meanings of an emerald gemstone and felt lucky to hit some kind of paydirt about its symbolism.
For those to make it this far, thank you so much for reading! Hopefully, this had at least a little fluff to lighten things up a bit after the heaviness of the previous chapter. And I hope you stay tuned for more!
