"I don't understand why that's a common fantasy." Logan said to the others. They all bought snacks and sat in a circle together after the game, sans Phantomhives and Hellsing families, of course. Somehow, the conversation carried on and eventually started to become a bit risque. "Threesomes are alright. There's a lot of energy flowing around, so as an incubus, that's a plus, but I kind of think that's one of the only real benefits from it. It's way more fun to have sex with someone you actually like."
"I think the idea is: 'the more, the merrier.'" suggested Audrey.
"Does it have to do with human culture? The part where somehow more sexual partners is more desirable in general?"
"Could be." said Daniel. "It's like: the more people you have sex with, the 'manlier' you are? I guess if you have two at once, that's extra good?"
"Wait, now we're bringing human 'masculinity' into this…" With a groan, the incubus rubbed his temples. "My head hurts… 'Masculinity' in humans is all about things like power and dominance, isn't it? So, I suppose if one values it, the multiple partners at once sort of feeds into it. It's like… property, almost?"
"That's kind of harsh…" The reaper pointed out. "It's not all about that… More hands means more stimulus, right? Not everything with humans is that fucked up, Logan."
"Oh! I forgot about that! For casual sex, I mostly just focused on eating. Sorry, I didn't mean to assume."
"It's fine, I'm sure humans assume things about you all the time." spoke the Westley with a wave of his hand.
With slumped shoulders, the incubus let out a sigh. "You have no idea…" he said. "Whenever former humans come in here, they always assume that we're hypersexual, 'kinky,' or even that we're… rapists?" There was hesitation before he said that last word for obvious reasons. Naturally, none of this was true, as incubi and succubi are all just as unique as any person, with their own wants, needs, and tastes.
"What lies about our species have they been telling each other?" he continued. "It's the same with most supernaturals, though. Kristopherson gets angry when he sees werewolves on TV."
"That's because it's just so wrong!" the wolfman stated with exasperation. "The scariest thing about transforming for the first time was being scared that I'm gonna tear somebody's face off without meaning to! In reality, the biggest problem is relearning how to do basic tasks with claws. People watch that garbage and in the event that they do become a werewolf, start spiraling into a panic for what amounts to being no reason at all!"
"What's so hard about using claws?" Audrey questioned with an arched brow.
"Lots." Holding up a hand, Kristopherson started counting off on his fingers. "Dialing the phone, using the remote to the TV, using the computer, going to the bathroom, opening drawers, opening cans, opening anything food related, really, and… Basically everything. Just living is hard with claws."
"So you're saying those girls who have the huge, long, talons for fingernails would be great werewolves?"
"They would be unstoppable."
"Talons?" Logan tilted his head at the thought. He didn't think that sounded right for humans, but he had to admit that his understanding of humans was not complete.
"They're just really long fingernails, Logan." his boyfriend explained. "It's a fashion thing."
"Oh. That makes more sense." the incubus nodded, knowing that human fashion was characteristically strange by nature. He affectionately wrapped his tail around his beau as he sat next to him, prompting Kristopherson to raise his arm to look at what was touching him for a moment before calmly turning back to the group.
"So, Logan deals with your werewolf stuff and you handle the incubus stuff?" inquired Bones. "What's that like."
"Actually, it's not that big of a deal." informed the wolfman. "Everybody in every relationship has their quirks and things they need from each other. Sometimes, it doesn't work out, but our stuff is pretty manageable, I think."
"The biggest thing is the occasional culture clash." added Logan.
"Yeah. Sometimes, things that are appropriate in Gehenna just aren't in London and vice versa, so we have to make sure we communicate pretty clearly. Then there's just stuff we don't get."
"How do you have your shit so together?" inquired Daniel with a look of disbelief on his face. "Audrey, are you seeing this shit?"
"I know, right? What the hell?" Audrey replied before a look of realisation came over him. "Oh, god… If they get married… are they going to be like the demons?!"
"Good lord, man! Don't even say that!"
"Okay, first of all, how many times have you caught us making out?" questioned Kristopherson.
"True… You don't snog as much as those two do in public…" said Daniel while rubbing his chin. "But you'll also like, be put together and doing things like buying towels for the bathroom together and shit like that."
Looking at him with a puzzled expression, Audrey asked: "Why is that what your mind immediately goes to?"
"I want the domestic life, Audrey… It looks nice."
"No! Not you, too, Dan!" the reaper shouted before grabbing the Westley by the shoulders. Playfully, he began to shake him. "You gotta fight it! Stay single!"
"I want to get married and move into a nice house in a quiet village with my family, Bones!"
"You can't, damn you! You just can't!"
"Maybe I'll even get a dog!"
"No!"
"Gonna join the PTA!"
"NO!"
"If you both would just get your shit together, then this wouldn't be a problem." suggested the incubus, causing his boyfriend to laugh.
"How dare you?" Audrey gasped, feigning offense by gasping and clutching at his figurative pearls. "How very, very dare you?"
"I want to get my shit together, so I'm working on it." Daniel replied. "I have a job, am taking care of my sister properly, and pay my taxes on time."
"I'm feeling kind of left out, here?" the reaper stated. "All I do is play video games and dick around on the internet when I get home from work. How do you do it?"
"Maybe you just need a little responsibility? It did wonders for me."
"No, thanks. I'm good just trying to remember to take my anxiety medication in the morning."
"I mean like getting a dog, Bones." the Westley stated. "Hah! Bones with a dog!"
"Y'know, that sounds like a pretty good idea..." mused the Baines. "I'd get out of the house more, taking it on walks, I'd have some more companionship in my life… Sounds like good shit."
"Companionship?" scoffed Kristopherson. "What about us? And didn't you go on a date a while back?"
"I did, but we haven't really done anything since then?" Audrey sighed while rubbing the back of his neck. "Miranda is great. She's cute and I really like her, but she's just so… busy? It's like she's already married to her work, and neither of us are really sure where I fit in with that."
"That sucks..." the wolfman replied. "Maybe it's just not a good time for her. Surely, there's other people out there..."
"Yeah, but nobody like her who can talk for hours about ghosts and actually knows what she's saying." Poor man. He let out another sigh.
"There, there..." Daniel patted his shoulder as both he and the reaper lamented their singleness together.
"Suckers." Kristopherson put on airs to appear much meaner than he was actually being. With a snicker, he added: "At least you have each other. Hey, maybe that will solve your 'single' problem."
"Ew, Audrey is painfully heterosexual." The Westley wrinkled his nose at the thought. "Just look at him!"
"It's true. I only buy soap and shampoo if it has the words 'for men' on it. I'm weak." nodded Bones to confirm his friend's sentiment.
"I know. I can smell the 'two-in-one' from here." Kristopherson said with a disgusted face and a wave of his hand. "Shampoo and conditioner in the same bottle? It's sick, Audrey. You're sick."
"Stop product-shaming me, heterophobe."
"You take the shame, straightie!" The wolfman pointed his finger at Bones accusingly. "Repent for your sinful ways!"
Yet, Daniel shattered this sentiment when he spoke up. He was unable to conceal the truth any longer. "I use 'for men' shampoo, too?" he said, causing Kristopherson to gasp. "And before you say anything, I strongly considered going home with that incubus that was trying to chat me up over there."
"Wait, why didn't you?" asked Audrey.
"Because he's a former client." The Westley explained. "I feel weird about that."
"Oh, you're the one who helped Elvis open his hair salon?" Logan inquired, causing his boyfriend to gawk.
"Wait, Elvis wanted to get with you?!"
"Gee, Kris, that really makes me feel good about myself." Daniel replied, causing the wolfman to shake his head.
"No, not that. Elvis is Logan's big brother." Pointing to his beau, Kristopherson explained. "You almost got with your ex-boyfriend's boyfriend's brother."
"Somehow, that makes the situation worse!" Westley declared, frantically shaking his head. "That's super awkward!"
"Is it? I don't think Elvis would really care." the incubus said reassuringly. After all, if anyone were to know, it was him. "He kept saying throughout the game how cute you were. He's single, too. Personally, I wouldn't mind, so go right ahead."
To that, Daniel actually had to stop and think. Considering everything, it seemed like an alright idea. If he didn't try, how would he know how it worked out? Yet, there was a bit of a problem that he couldn't ignore.
"I have no idea if it's offensive to say this..." Daniel began, pinching the area between his brows. "I don't really like the idea of dating an incubus as a human being. You guys don't get old, so I'd be all wrinkly while my partner is still young and energetic as anywhere! Looking at things long-term like that, I don't know if it would work out. Short-term, I dunno how well I could keep up with an incubus in the bedroom."
"Dan-!" Kristopherson started, but was cut off by Logan.
"That's understandable." the incubus stated, catching the others by surprise. "We quite literally rely on our partners to survive, and that's a huge commitment to make on top of the relationship. If you can't keep up, then they would have to look elsewhere, and if both parties are not okay with an open relationship, then everything would just fall apart! It's good to honestly consider all of that before you get started."
"Really? That's kind of a relief." Daniel sighed, despite his smile.
"And the lifespan thing is a big deal, too. Personally, I don't like the idea of watching the person I'm in love with grow old and die. I think Elvis is being a little reckless if he's trying to start something serious, here."
"I- uh… I don't know if he meant it that way..." the Westley confessed while rubbing the back of his neck.
"I can ask for clarification and give him your phone number when I get home, if you want." Pausing, Logan added. "That is, if you don't mind if it isn't serious…"
"Hmm… I dunno..." pondered the other. "I've never been a bootycall before."
"I won't talk you into anything you don't want to do." Logan said.
"Let me talk to my therapist first and see what he says."
"See?" Audrey questioned while gesturing to Daniel. "Responsible adult. What the fuck?"
"Audrey, there's no need to be insecure. You'll get there, too, one day." Kristopherson stated, earning a chuckle from the others. Meanwhile, Audrey crossed his arms.
"Is this the gay agenda?" he asked. "Embarrassing poor, innocent straight guys with all of your sassy banter and then having more fulfilling relationships than us?"
"Yes." the other three stated in unison, causing the reaper to blink.
"You should see the lesbians." Kristopherson added.
"Oh, I have. I live across the hall from the Garous." Audrey stated. "I'm surrounded by perfect couples and I'm mad."
"Suffer."
The conversation went on and on like this until it was decided that they must return home. Everyone gathered up their trash and threw it away before saying their goodbyes and getting back to their separate lives. All except Kristopherson and Logan, who went home together, that is. The remaining two got in their cars and drove off on their own, separate, routes.
Daniel faked it for as long as he could, but he couldn't wait to get home so he can finally reveal his true degree of athleticism. In other words: collapsing on the couch seemed like a very good idea. His legs were tired, his arms were tired, his lungs hurt, and he still hadn't quite recovered. Thank God for England, otherwise, he would have been sunburnt as well.
His mind seemed to tune out everything as he got home far quicker than he thought he would. Then again, he wasn't paying a lot of attention and relied primarily on muscle memory to get there. He parked his car and took the elevator to his floor, as he felt no desire to abuse himself further by taking the stairs. Shuffling along, he turned the corner down the hall that his flat sat at the end of, and nearly had the breath sucked out of his lungs when he saw someone already standing at the door. The loud banging of the scrawny man's fist striking against it echoed down the hallway, but he hadn't thought it was coming from his own home.
"Dan! I know you're in there!" Nathan shouted. "Fuck's sake, just come out already!"
The poor man didn't know what to do! He could always just go back down to the parking garage and drive somewhere else until Nathan left, but there was another factor involved. Their sister, Samantha, was still home. Daniel knew that she was strong willed, but didn't know how much longer she could last hearing Nathan's shouting and banging until she relented and let him in. That is, if she let him in. Daniel didn't know. Either way, he didn't like the idea of Samantha having to fend for herself, especially when a sorry soul like Nathan Westley was involved.
Could he call someone? The demonic duo were his first choice, as not only would not suffer any legal problems if something bad were to happen, they were also two of the scariest people he knew. They could just scare Nathan away. Unfortunately, Ciel wasn't well and Alois was taking care of him. Daniel didn't know how willing they would be to come to his rescue.
What about Audrey? He was muscular, strong, and took no nonsense. Yet, he was only one man, and Daniel didn't like those odds, even if they were alright.
Then, there was Kristopherson and Logan. Two guys. Both were physically fit, and Kristopherson was not only a werewolf, but also one of the most muscular men he knew. That would definitely give Nathan quite a fright, but they went home together already. Daniel didn't really want to think too hard about what they could possibly be doing at that very moment.
Unfortunately, no one would be called right then and there, as Daniel had been sadly wearing the worst possible outfit to be lurking in the shadows with. He was soon noticed in his baseball uniform, causing Nathan to start walking toward him, wearing a smile as though he hadn't just been shouting at a door.
"Daniel!" Nathan greeted. "How've you been? And… Well… What's with the outfit?"
"Charity baseball game. Go away." his brother replied before trying to move past him, only to be blocked.
"Hold on a second! I came all this way to visit my little brother!"
"No, you didn't. You came to ask for money. Money that I don't have to give you." Daniel replied. "Move out of my way and leave before I call somebody."
"Honestly, you're being really rude right now." the older Westley huffed. "I'm just trying to have a conversation with my family, and you're-"
"Not giving you an inch because you'll take a fucking mile? Yeah. Sounds about right. I'm not giving you any money, Nathan."
"I wouldn't need money if you didn't dive in and swipe most of the inheritance!"
"No, you wouldn't need money if you didn't have the spending habits of an alcoholic toddler." the younger Westley accused. "Now move."
"But you don't deny taking most of the money, huh?"
"That was both me and Sam, Nathan." Daniel explained. "I had to move in first and secure our shares because I know you and mum. The both of you would have taken everything and you know it."
"So you helped Sam but not me?!"
"Sam's still a kid and needed help while you're a grown-ass adult who should know better than to wait until the last minute to secure your share! That's what mum got your money!"
"That's not what she told me!"
"Oh course not! Why would she tell her son that she stole from him?! That would be stupid! You're stupid! I'm not giving you anything and I'm not asking you, but telling you to get out of the way and let me through!"
Using the brief window of shock that his brother felt in that moment, Daniel stormed passed Nathan and did not turn to look back. "And don't come back, either, or I will call my connections!"
"Hey!" he heard a voice shout from behind him. Daniel's heart sped up and fear bubbled in the pit of his stomach as he heard fast-paced footsteps approach him. A hand grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around, forcing him to face the older Westley.
"You're just gonna leave me out to dry?! Just like that?!" Nathan demanded. "I'm your fucking brother, Dan! We're fucking family! Whether you like it or not, family helps each other out!"
"Since when?" the younger questioned coldly, surprising himself with his bravado. Not wanting to run out of steam, he let his mouth continue talking. "Our family has never given a shit about each other. Not mum, not dad, and not you! Only Sam and I gave enough of a shit to look out for each other, so why the fuck should I help a greedy, idiotic, loser like you?"
"'Loser'?!"
"That's right! Loser! With your connections, you could sit on your ass all day and collect a six figure sum, but even you're too lazy to go do that, so you have no job! You spend all your money on million-dollar toys that you don't even need or use that often because you thinks it makes you look like you have a bigger dick, and the rest you spend on gambling, booze, and prostitutes! You and dad both love your prostitutes, don't ya?"
"Shut up! I'm nothing like him!" Nathan replied, raising his voice and furrowing his brow.
"No, you're like him." Daniel stated. "Only you're not smart enough to sustain it, so you ran out of cash!"
Without another word, Nathan raised his fist to strike his brother, but despite his lack of athleticism, adrenaline was pumping through Daniel's veins. It was just enough to send his palm shooting out at Nathan's nose. The base of his palm struck it and when Daniel recoiled, he found blood on his skin that did not belong to him. All the while, Nathan hunched over, clutching at his face as the red liquid seeped between his fingers. Seizing the opportunity, Daniel ran. With trembling hands, he somehow managed to open the door, swing it open, and lock it once he was on the other side.
"What was that?" Samantha asked, poking her head from behind the couch, but Daniel did not answer her question right away.
"Shh!" was all he shot back with, leaning his back against the door. The two waited in silence for a few seconds before they both nearly jumped out of their skin at the sound of banging at the door.
"You fucking piece of shit bloody wankstain!" roared Nathan from the other side. "You broke my bloody nose! Open the fucking door!"
Daniel did nothing to reply and simply held fast. Suddenly, the banging and shouting from the other side of the barrier stopped all at once with the opening of another door. One of the neighbours had overheard and gotten sick of all the racket, so they stepped outside to investigate. Daniel couldn't hear anyone talking on the other side, so the door opening appeared to have been enough to spook Nathan.
Cautiously, he put his eye to the peephole and saw no one there. That said, the man wasn't going to risk going out just yet. That is, until one of his neighbours stepped up to his door and began to knock. She was an elderly woman, a wealthy widow, who kept a small dog that barked only on occasion. She didn't appear to see anyone else. She wasn't looking around or looking down the hall, so Daniel figured she was alone. Looking back over his shoulder, he silently emoted to his sister before summoning his courage to open the door and address the neighbour.
All the while, poor Samantha stood in the background, still nervous about what was going to happen next. The poor girl was quite shaken and she could see that her older brother was too. His hands were quite literally trembling, even as he spoke with the neighbour, who had only come by to see if everything was alright. When the door finally closed again, Daniel's smile and shoulders dropped.
Turning to face his sister, he said: "I think it might be time to move."
A/N: I think I like this chapter most out of anything I've written recently. It's just... silly. I miss those long conversations between these idiots. I should make them happen more often. Maybe I should do that for a while. What do you all think? More characters talking about who knows what?
Two chapters two days in a roll. I'm doing good. Yes, very good, indeed. I'll try to go for three, but that might be asking a bit too much of myself.
Then again, I also liked the mushy stuff in the previous chapter. I should have more of that.
Uh... uh... What else? What else? I have nothing to say. I never seem to have anything to say anymore. The A/Ns were longer when character shet was still a thing. Technically, it still is.
Until the next chapter, my duckies~!
