DISCLAIMER – Stargate: Atlantis does not belong to me. It is the property of MGM/UA and associates. No exchange of money has been involved in the creation of this story. I am doing this for fun and entertainment, not for profit. Please…don't sue! (I'll be good, I promise…)

RATING – Story rated T

SPOILERS – Anything up to the final episode of Season 2 is fair game.

A/N – First off, I want to say thanks to those of you who continue to post comments and replies to my writing. You're all fabulous and you encourage me more than you may realize. Secondly, my apologies for not updating this story as soon as I would've liked to. Real Life happened, and I had to go out of town with my grandparents. My grandfather is mobility impaired and he needs a lot of personal help. Anyway, I am back now! I am volunteering with a youth program this week, so if I don't update often, that's why.

Anything in «double-angle quotation marks» represents something written in Ancient.

Any blocks of text that are in present tense and italicized are flashback scenes.

There's some Czech in this chapter, but as always, I've put the translations at the end for you.

I have no beta. Blame me for any mistakes. :P


The Song Of Silent Rivers

13. Uncertainty

Radek sank facedown on his bed and buried his head in the pillow.

So far, Radek's day wasn't going according to his plan. The morning had started out well when Carson had examined him and declared him fit enough to leave the Infirmary. In accordance with Carson's directions, Radek intended to do nothing more strenuous than take a walk around the city before he returned to his own quarters for some peace and quiet. He could get back to work tomorrow, Carson had assured him, and Radek was fine with that. To his knowledge, there were no tasks to be done that couldn't wait another day.

The situation had begun to deteriorate at breakfast when Radek realized he hadn't thought about how Shadow would figure in his plan for the day. He'd assumed – perhaps a bit naïvely – that Shadow would want to explore the city on her own for a little while before it was time for her to join Colonel Sheppard and his team. Radek told himself now, he should have known better. The deaf woman had lived up to her name and had followed him everywhere, from the moment he'd left the Infirmary.

It wasn't that he didn't want her around. The problem was that trying to keep up with her was utterly exhausting, both mentally and physically. Radek had tried to talk her into finding someone else to answer her questions, but Shadow seemed single-minded about staying with him, no matter how much persuasiveness he applied. As it turned out, Shadow's determination to stay with Radek included her absolute refusal to go back to her world.

«I will not return unless you come with me,» Shadow had told him.

Radek felt as if he were reliving the previous night's conversation with her as he had attempted to explain why he couldn't accompany her and why it was in everyone's best interests that she should go with Colonel Sheppard – or 'Black Hawk' as Shadow referred to him. Shadow had heeded none of it. In the end, she had informed Radek that if he would not go, she would not go, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

«You are behaving like a child, Shadow.» he'd scolded her.

«I do not care.»

«The Leader will be displeased.»

«I do not care.»

«If you continue to argue with me, I will be displeased,» Radek had written.

That statement was the one which had ended their conversation. With a glare to rival anything Rodney McKay could conjure up, Shadow had flung her pencil at Radek, jumped up from the spot where she'd been sitting, and scurried out the door.

Radek hadn't known what to do. His first impulse had been to go after her, but he'd rejected that idea fairly quickly. If she decided to disappear, he'd never find her anyway. He'd finally decided the best thing to do was to wait. Perhaps she would think things over and come back in a much more reasonable frame of mind. Maybe, when Shadow returned, Radek would be in a more reasonable frame of mind, too.

With his face still hidden in his pillow, he shut his eyes and tried to think calm thoughts.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"Keep your eyes closed, Radek. Don't open them until I tell you."

Radek is tired. He doesn't feel like playing, but Jirina is the one holding his hand and insisting that he shouldn't open his eyes, so he humours her. He always plays along with Jirina's little games, though sometimes he does not know why. All Radek wants right now is to go to his room and try to pretend the past week never happened. He could never have imagined such a dreadful week. He just wants to hide from everyone and try to forget how miserable he is.

What had made the week so dreadful was that he'd been in the hospital. Worse yet, Tuesday had been Radek's eleventh birthday and he couldn't even remember it because he'd spent most of it sleeping. He knows it was good that the doctors had taken out his appendix, because he really had been very ill, but he cannot reconcile himself to the total unfairness of the whole thing. Radek was supposed to have had a birthday party and Dušana had promised to make a chocolate cake for him. Of course, neither of those things had happened because Radek had been stuck in the hospital on his birthday.

Not having cake had been very disappointing, and the only people Radek had for company when he'd been in the hospital were Mother and Dušana. None of his friends had been permitted to visit. To make matters even more unbearable, the doctor told him that because of the operation, he is not allowed to climb or run or jump for the next few weeks. This means he cannot play hockey with Mirek and Alexander and his other friends. Radek can't imagine a winter without hockey. He's sure he'll be extremely bored and unhappy.

"Why do I have to keep my eyes closed, Jirina?" Radek says. "Can't I just go to my room?"

"Not yet," says Jirina.

Radek feels his father's large hand come to rest on his shoulder. "Careful on the stairs, Radek," Father says. "Jirina, go slowly."

"I know," Jirina says with all the superiority her six-year-old self-confidence gives her. "You worry too much, Mr. Zelenka."

Father chuckles. "Maybe I do, but you can't blame me. Radek is my favourite son."

"I'm your only son," Radek grumbles.

.Radek wants to get away from the utter absurdity of this conversation. What could Jirina possibly understand about the way parents worry over their children? Father has been talking to Jirina this way all afternoon, as if the two of them are equals, as if they are co-conspirators in some grown-up secret. At first, Radek had been very pleased Jirina had come with Father to bring him home from the hospital. Now, he only feels annoyed. He trudges up the front steps slowly, despite the fact that Jirina is pulling tenaciously on his hand.

Nobody meets them in the kitchen. Radek had expected Mother to be there. He'd expected Milena and Cousin Dušana, as their lessons should have been over for the day. By this time, Uncle Jaromir should have been home from his job at the university, too. It is odd, how quiet the house seems. Radek wonders where his family might be.

Jirina continues to lead him through the house. He knows he's in the living room when he feels the rug beneath his feet. Jirina says, "Okay, Radek. Now you can open your eyes."

A split-second before he raises his eyelids, a chorus of voices shouts, "SURPRISE!"

Radek stares. He can't help it. His whole family is gathered in the living room. Mirek, Alexander and Tatiana are here. Even Dušana's boyfriend Lukas is here. And there's a cake, decorated with white frosting. Radek doesn't know what to say. He suddenly realizes his mouth is open, but no words will come out.

Dušana rescues him by hurrying across the room to give him a hug and kiss him on the forehead. She says, "Happy birthday, Radek. You didn't think we'd forget, did you?"

"But…my birthday was…" Radek stammers.

"Tuesday," says Dušana. "I know, but I promised you a cake."

"Thanks."

Dušana puts her arm around his shoulders and leads him across the room. He sits in Father's comfortable armchair. Jirina climbs up beside him. There's barely room for both of them in the big chair, but Radek doesn't mind. He's already forgotten about being annoyed at Jirina.

Uncle Jaromir comes and places a paper-wrapped package in Radek's lap. He says, "I thought you might like to have this."

"What is it?"

"Open it and see," says Uncle Jaromir.

Radek carefully removes the paper from the package. When he opens the box, he can barely believe what he sees. Inside the box is a chess set, but it's not just any chess set. The pieces are intricately carved and the wood has been polished so it feels as smooth as satin. The pieces are not painted black and white. Half are made of a dark-coloured wood and the other half are carved from pale wood.

Radek lifts one of the dark pieces and strokes his thumb along its surface. He's seen this chess set before, and tries to recall where. He can't do anything about the lump that forms in his throat when he remembers. It had been in Uncle Jaromir's old house, the place where he'd lived before he and Dušana came to stay with Radek's family.

"Uncle Jaromir, this is…this was Aunt Kveta's, wasn't it?" Radek says softly.

His uncle nods and says, "Yes."

"Thank you," says Radek.

"I know chess isn't quite as much fun as hockey, but—"

"It's fun, Uncle Jaromir. It's just fun in a different way."

Uncle Jaromir smiles and looks pleased. "I knew if anyone would appreciate that, it would be you, Radek," he says. "Later, we can play, but I think your mother and your friends have some other presents for you, first."

True to Uncle Jaromir's prediction there are other gifts. Radek appreciates each present, but in his mind, nothing compares to the chess set. He's amazed that his uncle has given it to him, because he knows how Uncle Jaromir treasures the things that used to be Aunt Kveta's. Radek makes a promise to himself that he will keep his aunt's chess set forever, no matter what. Every time he uses it he will think about how it became his. He'll recall how a situation that started out badly turned into something unexpectedly good.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Shadow ran, invisible, through the City of the Ancestors. She did not know why she ran. It did not make sense to run away from River Man, for in so doing, she had contradicted her own intention to remain with him. Yet, at the moment she did not wish to be near him and risk his displeasure, so perhaps there was some logic in running after all. Circles, she thought. Her thoughts were racing in circles. She felt hurt and angry and confused, and she wanted to weep. She'd found herself fighting tears often since she'd arrived on this strange world. She had lost those battles for control more often than she would have liked.

The City of the Ancestors contained many places to hide. When Shadow finally stopped running, she sought a suitable hiding place where she could think about the tangle of images in her mind. Even in the small space where she curled up at last, she felt the need to remain invisible, and she had to make herself remember to concentrate on remaining concealed. She did not want anyone to find her because then she would have to explain why she did not wish to return to her world today. She was afraid she could not explain in a way these strangers would understand.

In truth, Shadow did want to go back to her homeworld. She missed the animals, the river and the trees. She missed the warmth of her planet's sun. The trouble was, now that she'd met these wonderful, perplexing strangers, she could not go back to her world with the knowledge that once they found their mysterious zero point module, she would never see them again. She had only known them a short time, but she already cared about them. She did not wish to be parted from them, most especially not from River Man, whose life she had saved and whose companionship she had come to cherish far more than the others.

Shadow could not understand why River Man kept saying he could not accompany her to her world. Clearly, he wanted to. He had told her so. The Healer had said he was well, and so he must have been, for the Healer had let him go to his own place today. If he was well and he wanted to come with her, Shadow could not see why he insisted it was impossible.

River Man had said the Leader would be displeased if he accompanied Shadow to her world. This did not make sense to Shadow, either. Were these people not adults? Did adults not get to choose their own path on this world? Of course, the Leader made decisions that would be in the best interest of all her people, and sometimes she must tell others what to do, either for their own protection or for the safety of the village. That was what wise leaders did. Shadow failed to understand, however, why the Leader should even care if River Man came to Shadow's planet. Surely the whole city would not be affected if River Man should leave?

Shadow wanted to speak with the Leader. She wanted to ask the Leader to help her understand the things that were making her feel so bewildered. She was afraid to approach the Leader just now, though, for she did not wish to displease the powerful woman. In Shadow's village, if the leaders had been displeased, the consequences were usually unpleasant.

The best thing to do, Shadow decided, was to remain concealed.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"Běh pryč! I am trying to sleep!"

Radek rarely raised his voice, but now he found himself shouting at the person who had come to his door and dared to interrupt his solitude. He didn't know who was on the other side of the door, but it didn't matter, because all he wanted was to be left alone. He wasn't really trying to get to sleep, of course, but that didn't matter either. Whoever was behind the door did not need to know Radek was nowhere near sleep.

He had too many thoughts racing around in his head to permit him to sleep, not the least of which had to do with Shadow. He'd found it difficult to stop thinking about her since her abrupt departure from his quarters. She seemed incapable of understanding what he'd been trying to explain to her. He told himself that he should have known the conversation would end up frustrating both of them. He hadn't anticipated her running off like she'd done, though. Her reaction reminded him less of a young adult and more of a spoiled child who'd failed to get her own way. In an odd fashion, her behaviour made him think of his nephew Zdeněk, back on Earth.

"Dr. Zelenka?" came a voice from the corridor.

Radek groaned into his pillow when he recognized who the voice belonged to. Normally he'd be thrilled to know Elizabeth had come to his quarters to see him, but at the moment, he didn't feel capable of facing her. Still, he supposed he was obligated to see what she wanted. There was always the chance this was a professional visit and not a personal one. He pushed himself off the bed and ran his fingers through his already messy hair before going to the door.

The moment the door opened, Elizabeth said, "I'm sorry if I disturbed you."

"No, no…is okay," Radek said. He tried to sound casual, though he knew he was failing at it. "Can I do something for you, Dr. Weir?"

"Actually, I'm looking for Shadow," said Elizabeth. "John's team is getting ready to leave for M4X-382, but we can't find Shadow anywhere. Have you seen her?"

"She is not here," Radek said.

"Do you know where she might be?"

"Have you asked Dr. Beckett if he has seen her?"

"Carson thought she was with you."

"On má ne zde. Dr. Weir, I have told you already," Radek said. "If she is not with Dr. Beckett, I don't know where else she could be."

Elizabeth stepped across the threshold and the door whispered shut behind her, hiding them from view of anyone who might be passing in the corridor. Radek couldn't help noticing how her appearance changed when the two of them were alone. He could imagine he saw her public persona slip away as if she had removed a mask. He liked the private face of Elizabeth much more than the public face of Dr. Weir. Elizabeth's expression was gentle and her eyes were filled with concern just for him.

"Radek," she said. "Is something wrong?"

He should have been reassured, knowing she was concerned about him, but oddly he was not. Seeing her worry only made him feel more fretful himself. He said, "No, nothing is wrong. I mean, I…I don't know. Nothing is terribly wrong. It's only… nesnadný až k jasně se vyjádřit. Complicated."

Elizabeth smiled kindly. "It's all right. You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to. I just thought I might be able to help."

Sometimes, he wished Elizabeth wasn't quite so perceptive. He might resist telling her what was troubling him, but only for a little while. Somehow, she always managed to get him to talk, to tell her the truth even though he didn't want to. He supposed that's what made her a good diplomat. She could always get the stubborn ones to talk, eventually.

"Maybe," he said.

"Maybe I can help, or maybe you don't want to tell me?"

"Maybe I don't know how to tell you, Elizabeth," Radek said. He sighed. "I don't know if you can help."

"I can try."

"I suppose you can try, yes. I'll explain, but maybe it's easier if I show you."

"Show me?"

"Shadow and I…we talked," he said. He crossed the room and lifted Shadow's notebook from the floor where she'd dropped it. He held it out toward Elizabeth. "She says she doesn't want to return to her world."

"And what did you tell her?"

"It's there. Look."

Elizabeth lowered her gaze to the written conversation she held in her hands. Radek watched her, and tried to gauge her reaction, but her face was inscrutable as she read his and Shadow's words. After a few minutes that felt like an eternity to Radek, she finally looked up at him again.

"If I understand correctly, it's not that she doesn't want to go home," Elizabeth said. "It's that she doesn't want to go without you."

"Yes," Radek managed to say.

"And you told her you can't go."

"Yes."

"Because you think I won't let you."

Radek twisted his fingers together in agitation. He wanted desperately to be able to look anywhere except at Elizabeth, but he felt utterly compelled not to turn his gaze away. "I didn't think you would, after what happened last time. We found nothing, and I…I was…"

"You were doing your job," Elizabeth said. She caught one of his hands in hers, stilling the frenetic motion of his fingers. "Radek, listen to me. What happened was not your fault. I wouldn't keep you from going offworld again because of it."

"If it hadn't been for me—"

"If it hadn't been for you, we wouldn't have met Shadow, and we might not have gotten a second opportunity to visit her world. We certainly wouldn't have gotten the offer of a guided tour through an Ancient structure."

"But I am liability in the field," he said quietly. "Colonel Sheppard—"

"Colonel Sheppard said he was very impressed with you."

"He said that?"

"He did. He also said he wouldn't mind having you along on another mission, when you're ready to go offworld again."

"Colonel Sheppard? He said that about me?"

"You shouldn't be surprised. You're a very valuable member of this expedition."

"To you, perhaps."

"To everyone," Elizabeth said. "You underestimate yourself. Your colleagues have a lot of respect for you, and in my opinion it's well-deserved."

"Thank you."

Elizabeth smiled and interlaced her fingers more securely with his. "I'm really glad you agreed to come to Atlantis with us."

"Me too," Radek said. He returned the smile, somewhat tentatively. "However, sometimes I wonder what I'm doing here."

"You're exploring," Elizabeth told him. "That's what we're all doing here, Radek. We're learning new things and widening our experiences. If I know you, lack of curiosity isn't one of your shortcomings, so that makes you an explorer too, even if you don't really consider yourself one."

"Shouldn't an explorer be brave?"

"You are."

"But, I—"

"Trust me. You are one of the bravest people I know," Elizabeth said. "That's one of the things I admire about you."

Radek could feel his face growing hot. He bowed his head, trying to hide what was surely an expression of embarrassment. "You praise me far too much."

"I don't think I praise you enough. It still makes you blush."

"Zastavit žertování s mne."

"I'm not teasing you, I promise. God forbid you should ever have an ego like certain people around here, but you really do need to work on accepting compliments," Elizabeth said. She gave his hand another quick, affectionate squeeze before finally letting go. "Do you feel up to taking a walk?"

"Where are we going?"

"I think we need to find Shadow."

"I'm not certain Shadow wants to be found," Radek said. "I will walk with you, though."

For that, he was rewarded with a brilliant smile from Elizabeth. He liked Elizabeth's smile, especially when it was directed at him. Somehow, he always felt a little better when she smiled at him this way. It made him think of hot tea on rainy afternoons, and kisses from his mother on a bruised knee or elbow when he'd been a small child. Comforting, he thought. Elizabeth had a comforting smile.

True, his day hadn't been going exactly according to his plan, but perhaps things were staring to improve.

TBC
----------------

Běh pryč! – Go away!
On má ne zde – She is not here
nesnadný až k jasně se vyjádřit – difficult to explain
Zastavit žertování s mne – stop joking with me