DISCLAIMER – Stargate: Atlantis and its characters are the intellectual property of MGM/UA and associates (although in this story, Shadow and Dr. Perlman are mine). I have not received compensation from any source, in any form, for the creation of this story. I am writing it solely for fun and entertainment.

The poem entitled "David's Lullaby" was written by me and is my intellectual property. Please ask my permission before reproducing it in any form.

RATING – This story carries a content rating of T

ARCHIVE – If you want to archive this, feel free to do so. All I ask is that you would tell me about it, if you do.

SPOILERS – Nothing specific, but everything up to the end of Season 2 is fair game.

A/N – All righty then… It looks like the notes for this chapter are going to be pretty long, so let me start out by apologizing for that. I guess I just have lots to say tonight. Thank you once again to everyone who left comments and replies for Chapter 16. You guys have no idea how encouraged I am to know that you're enjoying the story. I am so happy right now, thanks to all of you!

Okay, on to the notes. This chapter was particularly hard for me to write. I hope you'll all approve of it. Both the chapter title and Radek's lullaby in this chapter were actually taken from one of my own poems, which is totally unrelated to SGA. I reworked the first two stanzas just slightly, so I could use them in this chapter. What a nutbar I am… borrowing stuff from myself! Anyway, I have posted the entirety of the original poem below, so you can see where Radek's little lullaby came from.

Blocks of text that are written in present tense and italicized are flashback scenes.

Translations for anything in Czech are at the end of the chapter.

I have no beta. Blame any mistakes on me.


David's Lullaby
©2005 by W. M. Baker

As the northeast wind and snow
Down the darkened valley sweeps,
Safe and warm my David sleeps
By the firelight's amber glow.

Near my heart he rests his head
Lulled by Nature's cradle-song;
Through the winter night, along
Paths the dreamtime angels tread.

If time were at my command,
Past forever I would hold
Moments valued more than gold;
Keep them sheltered in my hand.

Seasons mark the passing time;
Quickly, since his life began.
Little boy becomes a man;
Fast outgrows the cradle-rhyme.

Angel guardians too soon part,
Yet the firelit evening seems
Still aglow within my dreams;
David rests close to my heart.


The Song Of Silent Rivers

17. Cradle Song

Elizabeth had been working in her office when Carson called her to ask if she could meet him in the Infirmary. She hadn't needed to ask him what the reason was. She'd known, before he told her, that he wanted to talk about Shadow. The deaf woman had become very ill, very rapidly, and Carson was understandably concerned. Elizabeth was worried, too. In the short time she'd known Shadow, she'd grown to like her, and didn't want to think about anything bad happening to her. Elizabeth had promised Carson she'd join him right away.

When she'd arrived at Carson's office, she hadn't really been surprised to find Radek there with him. She didn't know when it had happened, but at some point Carson had begun to include Radek in any discussions that had to do with Shadow. Carson seemed to regard Radek as the deaf woman's guardian. Elizabeth wasn't sure if Radek thought of himself that way, or even if Shadow needed a guardian, but she was certain Radek appreciated Carson's thoughtfulness in including him.

Elizabeth was a little curious about the third man in the room, though. She recalled he was an epidemiologist. He was called Itzhak Perlman, she remembered, just like the classical violinist. Every time she'd ever seen Dr. Perlman, he'd been laughing, grinning, or playfully teasing someone. He wasn't laughing today. His dark eyes were sombre and his face showed not even a hint of mirth.

Elizabeth sat beside Radek, who was even more grave than Dr. Perlman. He didn't look at her when she took her seat. She didn't know why she'd expected him to.

"Well," said Dr. Perlman, once Elizabeth had settled into her place, "Dr. Weir, now that you're here, Carson and I can tell you what we discovered while we were analyzing Shadow's blood and tissue samples. It's remarkable, really, although I don't think I like it very much. We've discovered some anomalies that I believe are not part of the evolutionary process."

"What sort of anomalies?" Elizabeth asked. "Did you find something that could be dangerous to us?"

"No, nothing like that," Dr. Perlman said. "I'm sorry if I implied there might be some sort of risk to us. Shadow hasn't got anything more dangerous than the common cold."

"Unfortunately, the common cold is rather dangerous for Shadow," Carson said. "The abnormality Dr. Perlman found is in Shadow's cells."

"What's abnormal about about her cells?"

"Shadow's cellular structure is anomalous because it's too perfect," Dr. Perlman explained. He levelled his dark-eyed gaze at Elizabeth and took a deep breath before he went on. "Shadow's body is not normal, Dr. Weir. We've found there's evidence of extensive manipulation at the genetic level."

Elizabeth returned the Israeli doctor's stare. She said, "Are you saying Shadow has been genetically enhanced?"

"It goes way beyond genetic enhancement, I'm afraid," Carson said. "Dr. Perlman believes Shadow was genetically engineered."

"I don't understand," Elizabeth said. "Enhanced, engineered… This sounds like semantics to me, Dr. Beckett."

"No, not semantics, Elizabeth," Radek said. He'd spoken so softly that Elizabeth barely heard him. He'd been staring at his hands, which lay folded and alarmingly motionless on his lap, and he hadn't said anything until now. When he continued, his voice was stronger, but tinted with something Elizabeth interpreted as dismay. "Engineered. I understand. They are saying Shadow is not merely improved by genetic therapy. They are saying someone made her, like machine, from blueprint."

"Yes, I would have to agree that's an appropriate analogy," said Dr. Perlman. "Someone would've started out with a plan for what he wanted to create. The most effective way to do genetic engineering is to make the changes after the ovum and sperm cells merge, but just before first division of the zygote. That way, the new or modified genes will be expressed throughout the whole body, right from the start."

"My God," was all Elizabeth managed to say.

"Whoever did it, their knowledge of gene manipulation is way beyond our science," Carson said. "We've only been experimenting seriously with gene therapy and cloning since the late twentieth century, on Earth. Even if there weren't any questions of ethics, we're nowhere near being able to artificially create a human being."

"Please," Radek said. "Do not say to us how 'remarkable' you think it is."

"Why would somebody do something like this?" said Elizabeth.

"That's a question you'd have to ask the person who created Shadow," said Dr. Perlman. "Maybe she was created specifically to use Ancient weapons to defend her people against the Wraith, or maybe her creator just wanted to make his ideal child."

"The problem is, Shadow may not be as perfect as her creator meant her to be," Carson said. "It appears as though her immune system is significantly underdeveloped."

"Is that why she's so ill?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yes," said Carson. "Shadow is more susceptible to infectious diseases than the average human, and her body isn't as good at producing the proper antibodies to fight them off. Her weakened immune response might be a result of the genetic engineering, but at this point we can't really be certain."

"Can you do anything?"

"There are some medications that can help to stimulate the immune system, and we'd like to try those. In the meantime, we can inoculate her with a broad-spectrum vaccine that might help to protect her against any common infections."

"We also think it'd be best to isolate her for the time being," Dr. Perlman added. "The less she's exposed to any potential pathogens, the safer she'll be."

"Does this mean we will not be able to see her?" Radek asked.

"You'll be able to see her, but once she's in isolation, you won't actually be able to enter the room with her. I'm sorry."

"Okay," Radek said, though from his expression Elizabeth guessed he felt it was most definitely not okay. "I understand. Can you tell me one more thing, please?"

"Of course," said Dr. Perlman. "What would you like to know?"

"Is Shadow… Is she dying?"

Itzhak Perlman's face broadcast his determination as he met Radek's gaze. "Dr. Zelenka, I have to be honest with you. There's a real possibility she could die, but I promise you, Dr. Beckett and I will do everything in our power to prevent that from happening."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Radek was grateful that Itzhak and Carson had both agreed it would be all right for him to visit with Shadow for a little while before they moved her to an isolated room. Elizabeth had stayed behind in Carson's office to speak with the two doctors. Radek didn't know what they planned to talk about, but he didn't stay to find out.

A few of the nurses gave him sympathetic looks as he passed through the outer part of the Infirmary. He tried to smile at them, but his smile was a mere ghost. His true thoughts were far removed from anything that might produce a smile.

He slipped behind the curtain that separated Shadow's bed from the rest of the Infirmary. The sight of her made his breath catch in his throat. He'd never seen a living person so pale. She lay unmoving beneath the white sheet, and it was only the steady rise and fall of her chest that assured him she was still alive. When he brushed his fingertips over her forehead, she opened her eyes. Her chocolate-brown irises seemed unnaturally large and dark against her wan face.

She moved her hand feebly, trying to stretch her fingers toward him. Radek caught her hand. He held it gently, irrationally afraid that he might hurt her if he closed his fingers too tightly around hers.

"Shadow, what can I do?" he said. "I want to help you, but I don't know how."

Shadow made a long, low moaning sound deep in her throat. She stared at Radek as if her vision might be the only thing anchoring her to reality.

To Radek, eye contact seemed too insubstantial a link. Not really knowing what possessed him to do so, he let go Shadow's hand. He sat on the bed with her and lifted her so that her upper body was supported in his arms. She was shivering. With a small whimper, she let her head droop against his shoulder. She began to cry.

"Shadow, Shadow…zastavit pláč," Radek said softly. "Není proč až k být poustrašený. Tebe ar bezpečný s mne."

Radek closed his eyes. How in the world could this have happened? Less than a week ago, the child-woman in his arms had been a total stranger to him. How could he have become attached to her this quickly? None of it made sense to him. There was no logic in any of it. How could he be sitting here, telling her not to cry and not to be afraid, yet be utterly terrified himself and believing his own heart was about to break?

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Radek sprawls facedown on his bed and peers over the edge at the sheet of paper he has just dropped on the floor. He doesn't really need to look at the paper any more. He knows what it says. He thinks he's read it at least fifty times since it arrived in yesterday's post. He doesn't like what it says, dreads the portent of its words with every fibre of his being. He wants to deny that it even exists, but he knows that's a vain wish. It is there, white and spotless and officially stamped by the Party.

The piece of paper is a letter. It is his notice of conscription, his summons to the army. To Radek it seems more like a decree of internment.

He can hardly believe that less than a week ago everyone in his family had been so carefree and happy, congratulating Dušana on her new job, celebrating Radek's eighteenth birthday. Tomorrow, Dušana will be leaving for London, to start her work as a paediatrician in a big hospital there. In a few weeks, Radek will leave for the army.

Radek feels as though his entire world is changing. Even though he knows he must, he doesn't want to give up his childhood and leave the safety of his family and his home. He can't bear to think of Dušana so far away in England, nor can he dwell on the notion of himself as a soldier.

When he hears footsteps in the hall, he knows it's his cousin. She walks lightly. No one else in the house is as graceful as Dušana. She taps on the edge of the doorframe before she enters his bedroom.

"Hi," Dušana says. "What are you doing?"

"Thinking."

"Mourning the loss of your hair?" Dušana teases. She touches his shorn scalp, tickles his head. "The army is cruel, making you cut off that wonderful golden mop of yours."

"The army is cruel, but that's not why."

"I'm sorry," says Dušana. "Do you want to talk?"

"Just stay with me for a while, please," Radek says. "Sing my lullaby. I want to hear it one more time before you go. Before I go."

Dušana sits beside him on the bed. Radek pillows his head on his folded arms and his cousin strokes the downy fuzz that used to be his hair. Her hand marks time, steady and gentle. Radek closes his eyes and listens as Dušana begins to sing.

As the northeast wind and snow
Down the darkened valley sweeps,
Safe and warm my baby sleeps
By the firelight's amber glow.

Near my heart he rests his head
Lulled by Nature's cradle-song;
Through the winter night, along
Paths the dreamtime angels tread.

He does not know when or where Dušana learned this song; a lullaby with English words. She'd sung it to him long before he'd ever understood what it meant, and he'd always adored it. He loves the cadence of the unfamiliar language and the timbre of his cousin's alto voice. Sometimes, she would sing his name in the first verse – safe and warm my Radek sleeps – and he would imagine himself as a very small child with his head resting near her heart, comforted by the knowledge that he was 'her' Radek, safe in her care.

He cannot imagine leaving home. He doesn't want to go away from Mother, Father and Milena, Uncle Jaromir and Dušana. He will be lonely in the army with only the other soldiers for company. He doesn't want to handle a weapon and learn to march and salute and obey blindly. He wants to go to university, to learn to build airplanes, to dream of freedom without fear.

"Nothing will be the same, after tomorrow," he says.

"No, it won't," his cousin agrees.

"Are you nervous about going to England?"

"A little. I'm afraid they'll laugh at my English."

"They won't. Everyone will love you and you'll be the best doctor in London," Radek says. "You have to promise to send me a postcard with a picture, all right? Tell me about the Tower and the Thames."

"I'll write letters," she says. "I'll tell you everything about England."

"I wish I could go with you instead of going to the army."

"So do I."

"I'll write letters, too," Radek says. "About the army, maybe. About the things I see."

"Tell me a story," says Dušana. "Make your letters into a story for me. You've always been good at stories."

"I don't know if I can make a story about the army, Dušana."

"Of course you can. Start with, 'Dear Dušana, this is a story about a soldier'."

"No," Radek says.

"How will you start, then?"

"Dear Dušana," he says. "This is a not a story about a soldier. This is the story of a man who dreams about freedom and flying machines."

"Oh Radek…Radek…" Dušana whispers. She sinks down beside him and hides her face in the pillow. She is crying.

Radek reaches across the small space that separates them. He rests his hand on her head and pats her curly hair. "I'm sorry, Dušana," he says softly. "Please, don't cry. I'm sorry. I told you I couldn't make a story about the army."

"No, it's a good start," Dušana says. "I want to hear that story about the man who dreams of flying machines. It's only that I…I wish I didn't have to read it all in letters. It won't be the same as listening to your voice."

"You gave me my lullaby to remember when I'm in the army," Radek says. "Let me tell you a story, now. Something you can remember in England."

"Thank you," Dušana says.

Radek settles himself closer to his cousin so that they are shoulder-to-shoulder. "Once upon a time," he says. "There were two children who dreamed of a beautiful country far, far away…"

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Shadow drifted in and out of sleep. She dreamed of her father and of the hidden place of the Ancestors, of the warm sun of her world, and of the green bird she had tamed for a pet. Sometimes, she thought she was in the white room where the Healer worked, though she wasn't sure if she could trust her own senses to tell her such a thing. Perhaps she'd imagined all of it, the wonderful foods she'd eaten, the strangers who were now her friends.

But, she couldn't have imagined River Man and the Healer, could she? They were real. It was River Man who held her, now. River Man was the one who'd gathered her in his arms and let her rest her head against his shoulder. She couldn't be comforted by a creation of her mind. He had to be real.

He was speaking to her. She felt the vibration of his voice as she leaned against him. She longed to understand what he was saying to her. Perhaps he was telling her a story or singing a song. What sort of song would River Man sing to her? Something from his world? It seemed like a fairytale to her, River Man's far-away Earth. He'd told her she might see it one day, but now she knew she never would.

She was so tired, so cold. She couldn't fight any more. It hurt too much to fight. She only wanted to weep and surrender.

I am sorry, River Man, she wanted to say. I do not wish to make you sad. I wanted to stay with you, but I cannot.

She tried to speak, and sensed a faint tremor in her throat. She did not know if it was a word, or just a noise, or a sob. River Man's arms tightened around her. She felt his head come to rest against hers.

I am sorry, she thought. I am sorry.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"…safe and warm my Shadow sleeps…"

Elizabeth listened to Radek's voice drift out from behind the partially-closed curtain around Shadow's bed. She'd heard him sing before – Beatles tunes, stuff by the Rolling Stones, a Russian drinking song – but never anything like this. Elizabeth had the impression the lullaby was one Radek had known for a long time, yet something he rarely sang himself. She wondered if someone had sung it to him when he was a small child, and whether the person had inserted his name in that particular line as he was singing Shadow's name now.

"…near my heart she rests her head…"

Elizabeth didn't want to interrupt. She didn't want to break the spell of peacefulness that seemed to be surrounding that small corner of the Infirmary just then. Radek's accent gave his lullaby a distinct quality that made Elizabeth think of places expatriates lovingly referred to as 'the old country'. She imagined a house where a Slavic grandmother rocked a child to sleep by the soft light of a fire, heedless of the winter storm that raged outside.

It was a comforting picture, and she wished she could have held it in her mind a little longer when Radek had finally finished singing. Behind the curtain, she heard him murmuring to Shadow in Czech. He spoke too softly for her to understand most of what he was saying, but she knew they were meant to be words of comfort.

At last, there was only silence. Elizabeth took a deep breath and gathered her courage around her like a cloak. She stepped around the white drape.

What she saw filled her with an emotion she could not name. Compassion or sadness. Maybe it was a little of each, or maybe it was something else entirely. Radek was sitting on Shadow's bed with the sleeping woman cradled in his arms. His eyes were closed and his cheek rested against the top of Shadow's head.

"Radek," Elizabeth said quietly.

He opened his eyes and looked up at her. "Elizabeth," he said. "Already you're finished speaking with Carson?"

"We're done for now," she said. "Are you okay?"

"No," Radek said. "But I am trying not to think about it."

"I liked your lullaby."

"My cousin Dušana, she used to sing it to me. I haven't thought of it for a long time. Sometimes, when I was in the army…" He let the sentence trail off without finishing it, and turned his gaze away from Elizabeth. "No, never mind. Is Dr. Perlman coming now?"

"Yes, he is."

"Okay," Radek said. He carefully lowered Shadow to her bed, and got up. "I…I should go back to work."

"Wait," said Elizabeth. "There's something I want to tell you."

"What is it?"

"I think we need to send a team back to Shadow's homeworld," she said. "I've been discussing it with Dr. Beckett and Dr. Perlman, and I'm going to speak to Colonel Sheppard when he comes back from the mainland. We need to know what's been happening on that planet. We have to find out who created Shadow, and why. Maybe we can learn something that will help her."

Elizabeth studied Radek's face. She'd been a diplomat for a long time, and she was usually very good at reading people, but right now she didn't have a clue what Radek might be thinking. She watched his expression change from a look of numb shock to one of resolve. She suspected there was a self-generated argument going on behind those blue-green eyes of his. She wondered if she'd find out what the outcome would be.

"Elizabeth," he said. "Do you remember saying to me that you would not keep me from going offworld again?"

"Yes," Elizabeth said.

"You meant it?"

"I did, but—"

"I want to go with Colonel Sheppard, back to M4X-382," Radek said.

"Radek, I don't know—"

"Please," he said. "You don't have to answer right now, but please think about it. Ask Colonel Sheppard."

"Okay," Elizabeth said. She felt unable to deny him the request. "I'll talk to Colonel Sheppard about it, but right now I can't predict what he's going to say."

TBC
--------------------

zastavit pláč – stop crying
Není proč až k být poustrašený. – There's no reason to be scared.
Tebe ar bezpečný s mne. – You are safe with me.