Chapter warnings: Implied/referenced suicide attempt, implied/referenced murder, referenced car crash.


Sapphire I

Sapphire was having trouble looking Dr. Kessler in the eye. It had been more than a year since her last appointment and even though she knew it wasn't true she felt like Dr. Kessler was disappointed with her. So she focused on the tiny potted succulent on the round table between them. It looked like Graptopetalum paraguayense, Ghost plant. Was that ironic? It felt ironic.

"You said you've been having nightmares," Dr. Kessler said. "Do you want to tell me what they're about?"

"Fire and people I can't save," Sapphire said. The two girls who'd been killed because of her had added plenty to her stockpile of nightmare fuel, but the fire was new. She'd never been scared of fire before. It was starting to seem like a reasonable fear.

"How do you feel about that?" Dr. Kessler asked.

Sapphire laughed. "I want to hate it when you say that, but it's actually really helpful." She paused for a moment to gather her thoughts. "It scares me but it also makes me angry. I should be able to save them."

"How?" Dr. Kessler asked. "How can you save them?"

Catch Asher faster. Kill him so he can't hurt anyone again. Kill him so he couldn't get out of the Underworld in the first place. Don't talk Nico out of killing him when he wanted to.

Stop a car crash that happened when she was ten years old and nearly a hundred kilometers away.

"I can't." Sapphire's voice cracked and she forced back tears. "Not unless Leo invents a time machine."

And she would never tell him that, because he would absolutely try to make one. They had enough problems without ripping holes in spacetime.

Sapphire looked up from the Ghost plant for a second. Dr. Kessler was smiling at her. Her stomach twisted and she looked back at the table.

"Should I...not be angry?" Sapphire asked. "I don't think I can be not angry."

She wasn't angry all the time. It came in waves that made her question if gods really didn't have DNA because volatile emotions were more of a child of Poseidon thing than a child of the Underworld thing. Hades and Poseidon sharing genetic material would offer some explanation for why she'd been acting so much like Percy even though it was a terrible idea if she wanted to continue existing.

She wanted to continue existing. She wasn't suicidal anymore.

"Take things one step at a time," Dr. Kessler said. "You know why you're angry. Now you can figure out if anger will help you or not."

When she was angry she wanted to destroy stuff. She wouldn't be able to pay for that much property damage.

"I don't think it'll do much good," Sapphire said. "I don't need anger to be motivated." Fighting for her life was motivating enough. "And if I'm lashing out I might hurt someone I don't want to."

The image of Asher's necrotic skin came to mind. She'd used a power she'd never used on a human before and probably hurt him more psychologically than physically. That had been her lashing out due to fear, but her point still stood. She could easily hurt people she didn't mean to or cause injuries that weren't planned.

"Like yourself," Dr. Kessler said.

Sapphire's head shot up and she looked at Dr. Kessler with wide eyes. "Not on purpose!"

"No, not on purpose." Dr. Kessler looked over at the clock on her desk. "Oh, we've gone overtime. Is there anything else you need to talk about?"

Sapphire shook her head. "No, thank you." She picked up her purse and rose from the couch. The knife that was fifty percent of her reason for even carrying a purse (the other fifty percent was that her wallet didn't fit in her pocket, because women's clothes weren't allowed to have good sized pockets) clicked against the lighter/sword that only just fit in her pocket. "Have a good day."

"You too," Dr. Kessler said with a smile.

Sapphire stopped halfway to the door and turned around. "Your plant needs a bigger pot," she said quickly. Then she darted out the door without another word.


It was only years of experience that allowed Sapphire to avoid being bowled over by a sabre-toothed cat when she stepped out of the building that contained Dr. Kessler's office. She took half a step to the side and Jay came to a stop right where she'd been standing.

'All clear,' Jay said.

Sapphire scratched her cat behind his ears. He hadn't switched out of sabre-toothed form since March, when they'd found out that Asher had escaped from the Underworld with Melinoe's help. If it weren't for the Mist there would probably be a lot of terrified people running around the parking lot. It had taken a while for him to stop growling at people who saw him as a dog.

"You did good," Sapphire said. "Come on, home now."

Jay fell into step beside her as they left the small plaza of doctor's offices and hole-in-the-wall restaurants (and a Tim Hortons, because Canada). There was a bus stop right before the next intersection but it was nice outside and it wasn't a very long walk home from Dr. Kessler's.

Okay, it was an hour's walk, but she had to keep in shape. Being able to run away from monsters was as important as being able to fight them. It didn't hurt that she was also avoiding any monsters that happened to be taking public transit.

Far too many monsters took public transit.

They were halfway home when Sapphire sensed another demigod nearby. She rubbed her skull ring, the third easily accessible weapon she was carrying, and looked around. It took a few seconds for her to spot them. She relaxed when she did.

"Khaíre, Malcolm." Sapphire spoke when she was still far enough away that Malcolm wouldn't accidentally judo flip her if she startled him.

Malcolm turned around. He was wearing a grey patch over his missing eye and was carrying a blue satchel with a "Hang in there!" kitten printed on it.

"Hey, Sapphire. How've you been?" Malcolm asked.

Sapphire shrugged. "Managing. How about you? How's school?"

The son of Athena's eye lit up. He started talking about his math degree and joining his university's dragon boat team. It turned out that he was only in the area for a kid he was tutoring.

"Are you bussing home?" Sapphire asked.

Malcolm grimaced. "Unfortunately."

Re: Far too many monsters took public transit.

"Well, it's not for much longer. It's back to camp next week," Sapphire said. "Finally."

Not only did she miss the small things about Camp Half-Blood—grumbling about early mornings with Nico, sneaking around to set up pranks with Ed, trading book recommendations with Annabeth—but being on guard on the time was exhausting. At camp everyone around her would be able to fight if they needed to and she'd have people she trusted watching her back pretty much all the time.

July couldn't come soon enough.