Flashlights were waved about, striking frightening shadows as the light hit the various trees and bushes on the way back to camp. The percussion of feet marching provided ambiance in the background of laughing and cheering voices as a group of rather rowdy men reflected on what they had just done. Every single ghoul in the pen during the "Pen Test" was killed. It was almost unheard of for an amateur class to achieve that. Always, they would have to stop the exercise before they could due to people losing their heads at having to shoot the humanoids, but this group pushed through and was alright afterwards. They should be commended for their ability, but Ciel was somewhat concerned about them all the same. Only, for the opposite reason that he worried before.

"Who needs videogames when you have this?" laughed Private Withers while laughing along with the others. "I might actually have to retire my console after we graduate!"

"Not gonna lie, I was nervous at the start. I only started to be okay with it about halfway." confessed Danlaw.

"You're all nuts..." said Choi. "I have no idea how you all are okay with this..."

"A lot of us are gamers and some of us have been waiting for this." scoffed Henderson with a cocky expression on his face. "I've always wanted to shoot zombies in real life, so I'm living the dream."

Instead of answering, Jason Choi only shook his head, unable to think of a response. He decided that it was too difficult to reason with sociopaths, so all he could do was make it back to camp and hope that none of his comrades murdered him in his sleep. Well, perhaps if he could even get to sleep in the first place, maybe.

"Hey, boss, how many do people usually get through?" asked Bryce, looking for another excuse to brag, but the Phantomhive appeared to be lost in thought.

"Hm?" Ciel hummed before what was actually said sank in. "Oh, I don't know. Ten, maybe, for the first time. Then they eventually get them all with more exposure."

"Ha!" Bryce and Solomon high-fived with big grins and a shared laugh, but they were about to be disappointed.

"Since there seems to be nothing more you can gained from more exposure, however, I probably won't have you complete this exercise again, though." the Phantomhive informed, still walking along the path. "It would be a waste of time and effort."

"Oh, come on!" whined Henderson. "But we're good at it!"

"Obviously, you have no idea how difficult it is to capture a bunch of ghouls. Furthermore, they aren't toys. Playing with supernaturals is a dangerous game and all of you need to acknowledge that."

"Well, yeah, when we're in the field, there won't be a fence." replied Private Kidman. "We'll have to keep them back with our guns instead."

"I think we're closer to getting this." spoke Bryce. "I think the exercise would help us if we did it more."

"And what happens if you get used to shooting them from a safe distance? What will happen if you meet one face to face?" Without looking at them, the Phantomhive continued. "You're all still soft... I worry about your being able to handle the strain."

"Boss?" inquisitively spoke Kidman.

"Yes?"

"...Nothing." the Private said, looking down again. After a few moments, the bluenette asked for him.

"Do you want to know if I'm alright?" he questioned. "Or do you want to know more about me?"

"Would you be willing to tell us if we asked?" asked Private Withers.

"Who knows… It's not as though it's hard to talk about. I've gotten quite good at it. The problem is talking about it with normal people." Ciel stated. "They always react with some combination of horror and pity. I don't need pity, though the horror… Well, I understand it's shocking to other people, but I live with it. It's just there, now."

Silence followed as everyone was working up the courage to ask their burning questions. It didn't seem appropriate to ask, but it was now or never. None of them knew when another chance would come up. Ciel felt the same way.

"Uh…" began Private Clancy Peterson. His brows bent upwards, forming a rather concerned expression as he tried to think about how to phrase what he wanted to say. "How… What happened?"

Pausing, Ciel thought. "There's something that I've been needing to tell all of you for a long time. Since the beginning of camp, really. I kept putting it off because I doubted that you would listen to me if you knew without knowing me. But now? I worry if I've betrayed you."

"It sounds like you're about to come out to us..." spoke Private Withers.

"In a way, that's not so far off." the bluenette said. "So, will you hear my story?"

Now, with much enthusiasm, the group answered affirmatively, nodding and chattering in approval. They were excited to finally hear more about the commanding officer that they all admired so, practically beaming in the darkness while waiting for Ciel to explain. Then, the man stopped in the middle of the path, forcing them all to a halt. He was illuminated only by the light of the moon overhead and by the occasional flashlight that was shined in his direction.

"As you know, on my tenth birthday, my home was attacked. My family and servants were killed and I was abducted and sold to a Satanic cult. I told you that I escaped, but there's no way that a just barely ten-year-old boy could do that on their own." Removing his hat, Ciel tucked it underneath his arm before reaching up with the other to pinch the string of his eyepatch. Giving it a gentle tug, it came undone, causing it to fall from his face. "I was powerless against a group of deranged adults and could do nothing but die, really. So, how did I escape?"

There was a moment of hesitation, but Private Wallace Young was able to blurt out the first thing that came to mind. "You had help?"

"That's right. I did." Ciel confirmed before slowly turning around. He looked at them now with a sombre expression, but his gaze didn't fall from them. He looked at his students now with both eyes, now, the eerie glow from that which was previously hidden cutting through the darkness. The sight was enough to elicit an audible gasp from the others. "Consider this an important learning experience, lads. Look carefully, because this is the genuine article. A faustian contract from a real-life demon. It's more than enough to kill cult members and take revenge against those against you, all for the price of your immortal soul."

With wide eyes, his students stared, speechless at what they were witnessing. "Now, now, if you're freaked out at this, I won't tell you the rest. It don't gets worse from here."

"You..." began Withers, shaking his head. "Why would you do that?" he asked. "You told us to never, ever do that, but..."

"I told you specifically because I know the cost." Ciel stated. "This mark is permanent. It's etched into my very soul. As for 'why,' I feel like it's obvious. I was a scared little boy who didn't want to die. I couldn't grasp the weight of a soul at the time and even if I could, the decision was made without thought. It was life or death, but there was more than that. I was angry at the people who did that to me. I wanted them all to suffer and die. So, I set off with my demon to take revenge against everyone involved. They're all dead, now, and I'm glad."

"But… if you killed them, then..? How are you-?"

Turning back around, the bluenette gestured for the others to follow him. "Walk with me and I'll tell you." he said before taking off. Eager to hear the rest, his troops continued to follow. "I told you that it gets worse. After my revenge was complete, I was about to forfeit my soul. There was nothing else to live for anyway. Revenge isn't as fun as it is in the movies. It's never one lone wolf blasting people away with outrageous force and then getting a happy ending once it's over. It burns everything. It pushes people away. Your relationships suffer, your ability to function without hate diminishes, and there's nothing left once it's gone. I didn't care about anything anymore. I didn't want anything anymore. All that was left to do was to allow myself to be eaten. It wasn't as though I could fight this huge powerful demon off or anything even if I wanted to live."

As they continued walking, the camp came into view. They could see the bright lights on poles lighting up the parade square and the barracks. After looking at it for a moment, Ciel glanced over his shoulder in order to see if the others were still there. "I was thirteen at the time." he informed as if it was something trivial. "But, that's not how it worked in. Somebody else swooped in and beat my demon to it. It was a different demon working under a different master. The demon's name was Claude Faustus and he stole my soul from my body and hid it in a box. My body was alive but dead. I was in a vegatative state and don't remember anything about it, really. Somehow, my demon got my soul back and put it in my body, but I had lost some vital memories, including the fact that my revenge was complete, thus making the contract still in effect. It's all very complicated and hard to explain." Dismissively, he waved his hand at that last bit while the others struggled to keep up.

"Why did this other demon take your soul?" asked Private Young. The others looked at him almost incredulously, as the story seemed a bit hard to believe.

"His master told him to. His master wanted revenge against mine, because of a lie he was fed about him destroying the village he used to live in. Meanwhile, my demon, the bastard, lied to me and suggested that this new bloke was responsible for what happened to me. Like the fool I was, I believed him. Again, it was a bizarre mess of lies and general nonsense."

Their boots clicked against the pavement as they finally made it to the square. Once they were near the barracks, however, the company stopped without Ciel's permission. "What is it?" he asked.

"We want to hear the rest of the story." declared Private Danlaw.

"Yeah, if we turn in for the night, we won't be able to!" agreed Withers.

"We could just go inside and I'll tell it there. It's cold out here." Pausing, Ciel glanced at his watch before looking back at the administrative building, only to see the light in his office on. That's where his husband must have been, since he didn't come back to the tower. As much as he hated to, he might as well wrap up the story really quick so he can get back to check on his spouse. After all, Ciel was the one to bring it up.

Quickly, the group tried to get inside. The doorway actually clogged at one point as two recruits tried to go in at once. Still, they managed and hastily stood next to their beds at attention. Once the bluenette was inside, he simply pulled up a chair and sat in it.

"You can be at ease, you know." the Phantomhive said, gesturing for all of them to sit down. Once everyone was comfortable, he mumbled aloud. "Now, where was I?"

"You were on a mission to kill the new master." reminded Clancy.

"Ah, right. I was. That guy..." Shaking his head, Ciel actually chuckled with a genuine smile. "He's something else. Back then, he went by 'Alois Trancy,' and was masquerading as the Earl of Trancy. I won't go into talking about how he stole the title because that's his business and I don't have the right to tell it. We met for the first time when he invited myself and my acquaintances to a ball where he then threatened to kill them if I didn't cooperate. It was a costume party that I now look back on quite fondly."

It was hard to ignore the fact that the Phantomhive thought "fondly" of a party where the people he knew and associated with were almost killed, but given what they knew of his history thus far, he wasn't exactly "normal." Yet, it was also strange to see the dramatic shift in the man's demeanor as he spoke of the false Earl. He seemed so nostalgic.

"He is the only person to have ever defeated me so thoroughly and soundly, that I can't feel anything but respect toward him in regards to it. I thought he was weak when we first fought, but blimey, I was certainly surprised. He was both stronger and smarter than me. I messed up very badly when I tried to cross him." Once again, Ciel chuckled, leaning back in his chair and crossing one leg over the other. "He's the reason why I'm still alive despite my contract. He was so clever, that he outsmarted both of our demons under circumstances that should have been unquestioningly impossible."

"How did he do it?!" excitedly questioned Private Braumfeld. His usual low-key demeanor had completely melted away, surprising his teammates as he practically lit up and came to life.

"Alois Trancy… with the help of yet another demon, sacrificed his own soul to make it so that neither demon could could have mine. After discovering that his own demon was a traitor who thought that he was weak and that my soul was more appetizing, got the better of all of this." As he spoke, Ciel began to pinch at the fingers of his gloves, pulling on them little by little. "He made it so that neither demon could devour my soul and he did it..." He paused, trying to figure out how to put it delicately. Sadly, there was no way to do so. Removing his gloves, he simply let it out.

"...by having me transformed into one of them." he concluded, looking at the group head on. "I am an expert on demons and the one they send when HELLSING encounters one, because I, myself, am one. Now, knowing this, you can understand my reluctance to tell you."

The room was dead silent as his words sank in. It took a while for the humans to register what they were hearing. After everything they had learned- after everything they had seen- their minds still didn't want to accept it. Some of them even laughed.

"What's so funny?" Ciel questioned, his frown deepening. "Why are you laughing?"

"We thought you were serious!" Withers said once he was finally able to take in a breath. "You had us good! I thought your story was a little unbelievable, but man! That was good!"

"Yeah, the set up was great!" laughed Private Gordon Cooksey. "Elaborate, too."

"What would it take to convince you?" inquired the bluenette. "I can't think of anything that isn't shocking. I'd rather not show you my horns and such. I take my image very seriously."

"Well, you've got the fingernails..." pointed out Clancy. "But your eyes are blue."

"Why are you looking at his eyes, Clancy?" questioned Cooksey. "That's pretty gay."

"Eat shit, Gordon."

"Well, I can't do much with my contracted eye, but..." As Ciel trailed off, his eyes flashed red, causing Clancy, the only one to notice, to jump backwards and trip over his own bed. "How was that?"

"Wait- wait! Did you actually?"

"It's just a trick, Clancy. Relax." insisted Private Withers, still smiling at the apparent "joke." "Don't you think this has gone on long enough, though?"

"It's just a trick, Clancy. Relax." his voice echoed back, coming from the direction of Ciel's chair. Blinking, the troops stared at him, wondering if their minds were playing tricks on them. Suppressing an arrogant smirk, Ciel answered their concerns, adding: "Don't you think this has gone on long enough, though?"

"What the fuck?!" gawked several of the recruits, using at least some variation of the phrase. True, they heard it, but seeing Ciel's lips move and Bryce's voice came out was bizarre. While they were shaken, that still wasn't understandable proof. Perhaps Ciel simply did good impressions.

"I can shapeshift, too, though I'm not as good at it as some." Ciel informed, still using the recruit's voice. "I prefer being in my own skin to anyone else's. But, if you don't believe me..."

Next thing they knew, Ciel was standing up and he started to change. His body shrank in his clothes, and his bones changed their structure underneath his skin. Bluenette locks became dark brown and shorter into a short style suitable for the military. Lo and behold, there was Bryce standing in Ciel's place while wearing his clothes. His fingernails were still black, however, and the mark on Ciel's right eye stayed the same.

"Changing the clothes with it is still pretty difficult." the fake Bryce stated. "So? How about it?" he questioned. "Is this adequately demonic?"

"Wha-wha-what?" Private Withers gawked alongside his comrades. It was like looking in an imperfect mirror. With eyes wide and mouths agape, the group's stomachs collectively dropped as they witnessed the bluenette change before their very eyes. Just as quickly as he changed, however, he changed back, filling his uniform in the right way and returning his hair to it's original signature hue.

"That's really uncomfortable." the Phantomhive said, restoring his voice as well. What was even more uncomfortable, however, was seeing his troops speechless and staring at him. "My apologies… Was that too much all at once?"

There was a long amount of silence while everyone tried their best to wrap their heads around the situation. There was fear. Lots of fear. Incredible amounts of fear like nothing any of them had ever known before. Yet, there was also wonder and excitement. While their minds were catching up with them, Ciel did a little more explaining.

"I promise, everything I have done so far was completely genuine. Due to the more unique circumstances that I became a demon from, I have retained almost all of my 'humanity,' so to speak. While you should definitely not trust most demons you come across, I'm sort of a bizarre exception." he elaborated, though he felt as though he was doing a terrible job of even convincing himself that what he was saying held any truth. "Oh, and by the way, this is my actual face. If you look at old photos from when I was human, I look pretty similar, except I'm a wee thing and none of them are in colour, since they're from the 1800's."

"The 1800's?!" echoed throughout the room, causing the demon to raise his brows in surprise.

"You're from the 1800's?!" questioned Private Young. "How old are you?"

"Can you do all of the stuff that you said demons can do in class?" asked Kidman.

"Do you eat souls?" nervously inquired Private Maddigan.

"Yes, yes, and not often." the bluenette answered. "It's not a very nice thing to do, so I only tend to do it when I have to actually perform a hit on someone. I also don't need to do it that often. Once every hundred years or so should be fine. Don't worry, I'm not going to go after any of you."

"Okay, good..." Timothy sighed with relief at the news, but Private Young's question was only half answered.

"How old are you, though?" he asked again. "Are you from the early 1800s, or later?"

"I was born in 1875, so I'm turning one-hundred and forty-one this year." Ciel informed, earning more curious questions that needed to be answered.

He was glad that his team appeared accepting. It was as though a massive weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Honestly, he didn't have any idea what he would have done if they had responded negatively. He had no backup plan. Luckily for him, his recruits were almost all curious about the supernatural and had dreamed of this being real for a long time. They were scared, yes, but it was overridden by their reckless curiosity.

Question after question came and Ciel answered them to the best of his ability. Time was dragging on, however and he was growing worried about where his spouse was. He kept checking his watch during the onslaught and then taking breaks from that to check his phone for any texts. Nothing. Since Alois hadn't contacted him, he would contact Alois.

"Are you in the office?" he typed out, ignoring the questions for one moment. It wasn't missed on the others.

"Who are you texting?" questioned Clancy, not expecting a mundane answer.

"My husband." bluntly stated the demon. "He said he was going to walk around for a bit but hasn't come back yet."

Pausing, the private thought about it for a moment before asking: "Is your husband a demon, too? If he is, shouldn't he be fine?"

"Yes, he is a demon as well, but it's not his physical safety I'm worried about." Ciel stated before hitting send. "Demons still have feelings and he's been stressed from his missions lately, so I just want to make sure he's doing okay."

"Really?" asked Private Choi, finallly glad there was something about the conversation that he could understand. "How did you two meet?"

"I already told you." The bluenette couldn't help but chuckle. "He's the one who made me a demon! Through means that are way too complicated to explain right now, I was able to resurrect him. I wanted a rematch, but I got a husband instead."

"You married Alois Trancy?!" gawked Bryce, having tuned into the conversation again. "Why? Didn't you hate being a demon?"

"The heart wants what it wants. I've always admired him on some level, so it's not so strange that that developed into love." Now smiling, Ciel stared at his phone with a wistful expression on his face. "I don't need to ramble about that, though. It's embarrassing."

"Ooh~!" cooed the others.

"Sir Phantomhive's in love~!" Cooksey added, prompting the bluenette to roll his eyes.

"If you really knew him, you'd have to admit he's impressive." Ciel said. "Like I said, I've never been defeated so soundly before or since. Honestly, I don't think I really expected to win the second time, either."

Blinking, he looked over at the door, having felt something. Then, he looked down before carrying on. "He's amazing. Smart, funny, fascinating… He's kind, too. If something terrible is happening, Jim can't sit by and do nothing about it. Doesn't tolerate other people's negligence and nonsense. If anyone can change the world, I think it's him. He's one of the most fearsome warriors HELLSING has to offer and he never stops until the job is done. Of course I'm into that."

Standing up, he spoke again before anyone else could. "I should really go find him. I've stayed much longer than I intended to." he said before putting on his cap and gloves.

"Oh, come on… Someone's on a short leash..." scoffed Cooksey.

"It's called 'being responsible,' Private Cooksey and it's why you're still single." Ciel stated. With that, he offered a light salute. "Good night, gentlemen."

"Good night, Sir Phantomhive." the group responded in unison, although they were disappointed that he had to go. While he gracefully carried himself out the door, once it was closed, his facade was dropped and his shoulders slouched. Turning his head, he was about to start looking for Alois, only to jump.

"Having fun?" the menace asked. He was leaning against the wall just next to the door with his arms crossed. While he didn't seem particularly upset, he didn't seem pleased either. "Couldn't you sense me?"

"I could, but I didn't know that you were right there. My senses aren't as sharp as yours." Ciel said, gesturing for the two of them to start walking. "Are you ready to go home?"

"Sure." Alois shrugged and said nothing else. As they walked side by side, Ciel couldn't help but pick up on the fact that Alois just might be angry. They made their way to the car in relative silence, until the bluenette came up with something to break it with.

"Did you have a good walk?"

"Yeah. It was good." Nothing. The blonde wasn't going to budge an inch. After a while, he added: "You seemed to be having a good time."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stay behind that long." the Watchdog apologised. "They had a lot of questions. It was nice to finally tell them I'm a demon. They took it well."

"Good. Good... That' s good."

Ciel cleared his throat during this lull in the conversation. Eventually, the car was in sight and both of them were eager to be home. The menace actually seemed to be walking faster now. His husband had to try and keep up with him. Hitting the button to unlock the doors, Alois got to the car first and opened the passenger side door for Ciel to get in. Tension radiated off of the menace when their eyes met in the process. Now they were stuck in a car together. A quiet, claustrophobic, moving coffin. No music to accompany them but the hum of the engine.

It was dark with only the light from the built-in clock on the radio lighting up their faces until they reached a more residential area. The headlights led the way with Alois staring straight ahead at the road. Occasionally, Ciel would glance his way to check on him, but he still wore the same blank expression on each time. He didn't like not knowing what the blonde was feeling, but perhaps Alois was merely thinking?

"I'm sorry that there was nothing for you to do." apologised the Watchdog.

"It's alright."

It wasn't alright, and Ciel knew it. "It's quiet..."

"Sorry 'bout that."

"Are you tired?"

"Kinda."

"Alright..." the bluenette conceded, although obviously not convinced. "Do you mind if I turn down the heat?"

"No, go right ahead." Alois took his eyes off the road for only a split second to glance at Ciel with a little shake of his head. Then, he went back to watching the road. There was nothing else for him to say.

Time passed and they were almost home, now. This was the street leading up to their driveway. Finally, the menace made a sound without having to be prompted, although it was just a sigh.

"Jim..." his husband began hesitantly. "Are you feeling alright?"

Another sigh. "I don't really want to talk about it right now." Alois said, his tone with a twinge of annoyance. He cushioned what he wanted to say significantly, but Ciel knew what he really meant.

After putting in the combination to the gate, it opened and Alois drove through it. The trek up the long driveway was actually quite brief, but felt like ages. Back to the absurdly large house they went. It was well-lit, because they were being expected, although they distinctly saw that the younger Mackens were not asleep when they should be. After pulling into the garage, the blonde parked the car and shut off the engine, but didn't get out right away. Instead, he sat there with the bluenette for a moment, in cruel, deafening, silence. Leaning back in the seat, he took a moment to collect his thoughts before finally unbuckling his seatbelt. His husband quickly followed suit and followed him as he got out of the vehicle.

"Jim..." Ciel began.

"What?"

"I…" Furrowing his brow, Ciel sighed while climbing the stairs with his spouse. "I don't know… Nothing, I guess..."

"Hmm..." hummed the menace, not buying it. "I'm sorry I'm not talkative. I'm just tired. Don't worry about it."

"But at the camp-"

"I said, 'don't worry about it,' Ciel." Alois insisted, looking over his shoulder with a rather puzzling expression as they reached the top. He was trying not to sound harsh, but it was proving difficult. His face was stern, but not hateful. It didn't match the exasperated tone of voice he was using in the slightest. With a sigh, he continued walking down the hall. "Seriously, you really don't have to. I went for a walk and I'm fine. Seriously."

"Obviously, it isn't..." noted the Watchdog while following his spouse to their room. "I understand if you don't want to talk right now. We'll do it later. I'm just checking on you."

Gripping the doorhandle, the other Phantomhive huffed. "Alright. You did. Now you don't have to."

"Jim-"

"Jesus, Ciel, can you give me some fucking space?" he snapped, turning to face the other. His brow was furrowed and his chin jutted out as if challenging the other, daring him to strike back. Ciel didn't, however. Instead, he stared at him with a startled expression on his face before answering with:

"You need to open the door..."

Looking at his hand, it occurred to Alois that he had just stood there with his hand resting on the handle. Sheepishly, he turned it and stepped into the front room. "Sorry..." he said.

"No, no, it's perfectly fine. I'm not upset." Ciel said, walking in after him before passing him and heading into the bedroom to change. Both of them needed it, but Alois sat down on the couch and leaned back, closing his eyes with a long, drawn out sigh. He sat there, trying to relax until the Watchdog returned again, this time in more casual clothes. At least they were "casual" for Ciel, that is. When he reemerged, he was hesitant to speak, and lingered near the doorway that connected both rooms.

He opened his mouth to speak, but reconsidered what he was going to say. "You… I… I'm sorry if I… implied that you had to come to camp. I was trying to be helpful, but… It doesn't seem to have worked..."

"No shit." Alois thought, but refrained from saying it aloud. Instead, he pondered for a moment before coming out with: "I did it for you."

"What? Why?"

"Because you were worried?" Alois said, opening his eyes and sitting back up. "You get restless and fussy when you're worried, so I thought I'd turn up to help you chill out! What were you trying to do?"

"You don't like being alone when you're feeling down… At least normally, you don't." Ciel explained, his face was concerned as it was confused. "What can I do to help you feel better instead?"

"Why are you so insistent on helping me? Don't you have your own stuff to worry about? You don't need to help me with everything. I can handle it."

"I want to help you because I'm your husband and I love you? Why else would- What? Jim, I can prioritise both at the same time. Just because I have boot camp and can't spend as much time with you, doesn't mean that you're less of a priority. I still care about you!"

"Yes, but-! Can you just-?! Ugh! What do you want from me?!"

"I want you to feel better!" the Watchdog declared. "Jim, what is wrong?"

"You're always… hovering around me!" barked the menace, standing up from his seat. "I feel like I can't get anything done! I'm not a fucking toddler, okay? I can do my own kills, I can handle being on my own, and I just-! I just want to get this done so it can be over with!"

Furrowing his brow lightly, Ciel lowered his gaze as the gears began to turn in his head. Processing what he was hearing, it took him a while to respond. Alois wasn't having any of it, however.

"Well?!" the blonde demanded. "Am I allowed to work?!"

"Yes, of course, Jim, but..." Looking up again, his beau replied: "I'm not trying to stop you. Far from it. This is something that you have to do and there is nothing that can stop you. You can come and go at any time. You don't have to have my permission."

"You-!" Alois snarled, sputtering as he tried to complete a sentence. He opened his mouth again to speak, but hesitated. "Why?! Why are you so okay with this?! Why are you-?! Why can't you just-?! Why-?!"

Reaching up to run his hands through his hair, Alois took in a shaky breath as he tried to wrap his head around this and calm down. "Why am I yelling at you?" he asked, shaking his head. "You're not the reason I'm so… fucking… pissed off! It's not your fault, I just..."

Sniffling, his throat ached and his voice became wet and scratchy. When he covered his face, it became apparent that his eyes had begun to water. "I'm just so mad… At everything!" sobbed the blonde. "It's so hard… and it hurts… I'm just- I'm trying to be normal and do the right thing, but… but… I'm so. Fucking. Angry!"

As he looked on as his husband cried, Ciel simply didn't know what to do, either. Anger was something that Ciel understood, but he couldn't recognise himself in what Alois was experiencing. This wasn't hatred. It wasn't selfish enough to be hatred. The pain that Alois bore was not just that of his own. The sadness, the loneliness, the hopelessness, and the outright unfairness was far too immense.

"Jim..." gently spoke the Watchdog, reaching out toward the menace. He wanted to comfort him. He wanted to tell him that everything was going to be alright. As he drew closer, however, he was surprised to find the blonde pushing against his chest, shoving him away.

"Don't touch me!" defensively snapped Alois, ceasing his sobbing for a brief moment and gnashing his teeth. It didn't last, however. The short burst of aggression melted away with his tears.

"I'm sorry..." he said softly. "It's not you. It's not your fault. It's mine. I can't- I'm trying the best, but…"

"I know, darling… I know…" Ciel replied. "You're wrong, though. It's not you. I can't be mad at you when it's not 'you' doing this. I know that you're doing everything you can, Jim and I'm proud of you. What you're doing is noble. Your intentions are pure. You just have wounds that can't be seen, but that doesn't mean that they don't ache."

To this, the menace did not reply with words. Instead, his sobbing became louder as he the last barrier began to break. His legs gave way and he positioned himself so that he would land seated on the sofa. Burying his head in his hands, he rested his elbows on his knees and cried, and cried, and cried. Unsure of what to do, Ciel took a seat too, on the far end away from the menace. Quietly, he sat there, trying to think of something to do and something to say. He tapped his fingers against his knee as he looked around the room for some inspiration, or rather, anything. It felt rude to look at Alois in this state, like he was looking in on something that was meant to be private.

"I feel so bad..." Alois lamented, his voice wet and muffled by his hands. "I can't stand it! I'm so fucking pissed off and I just. Don't. Know that to do! I can't stop thinking about the sights, and sounds, and smells, and my stupid brain can't stop wandering and thinking about what- what killed everyone who didn't make it and I hate the part of me that's able to imagine it… I hate it so much… It's like I'm dirty, too… Like that guy I killed..."

Desperately, he tried to slow his breathing, but he was hyperventilating now. It was harder than one would think. After a while, he was able to wind down from it, having exhausted himself. "They were just… thrown away and replaced… Alone, and hurt, and scared, just like the rest of us..." He shook, trying to wipe his nose with his sleeve. "I'm so fucking angry… I can't- I'm the only one- It's not fair..."

Ciel watched him solemnly as he hung on to every word. One might say that his husband's heart was too big, so at times, he couldn't contain everything he felt. The Watchdog knows that it's far more complicated than this, although he wouldn't disagree entirely. Alois tried. He tried with everything he had to hold himself together long enough to complete the task at hand, but as more time went on, it became harder and harder to ignore his old wounds. The cold, ruthless assassin that could complete the job simply and smoothly was not him. At least, not in this instance. He was far too attached to his work and he couldn't control the way his irrational self pushed that which he knew was logical and true to the side. He hated it. He hated how it halted his progress and pushed others away. It wasn't as though he didn't know he was doing it. That's why he managed it as well as he did.

"Jim..." The other Phantomhive wanted to say something to cheer his spouse up, or at the very least, keep him from spiraling downward any further.

"I'm sorry..." spoke the blonde before Ciel could continue. He had begun to hit the wall where he was tired from crying. His emotional energy was draining rapidly and he hardly had the strength to continue doing so. Tears continued to fall, but they were quickly being wiped by the man's sleeves as fast as he could. It was a futile effort. They were going to fall whether he wanted them to or not. "I didn't mean to drag you into this. I'm trying to be better about handling myself..."

"Jim, you're doing way better than you used to. That's progress." Uncharacteristically, Ciel was trying to be the positive one of the two and be what his husband needed him to be. Hesitantly, he scooted closer and tried to continue. "I'm… A bit of an 'expert' when it comes to suppressing emotions. I wouldn't recommend it. Even when I'm feeling terrible, you've taught me that just talking about it helps, even if it's only a little. I really admire that you're trying to right wrongs… Do you miss the others?"

"No… We weren't really friends…" Alois confessed. "There wasn't much camaraderie. Everybody fended for themselves, but…"

"But?"

"They can't do anything now. I can. Don't get me wrong, I'm doing it for myself, too. But they need something."

"Yeah..." Ciel thoughtlessly replied. Scooting closer, the bluenette set his hand on the cushion next to him for the other man to hold at his leisure. It was there in case he wanted it and nothing more. "They're going to be properly taken care of. The full package. And the line that harmed them, you, and many others will finally come to an end. They'll be able to rest and it's all because of you and your integrity. I believe whole-heartedly that justice will prevail."

"It hurts..."

"I know… I know it hurts, darling..." Holding up a hand, the bluenette reached up to tuck a lock of hair behind his husband's ear, but stopped short. "May I?"

Lowering his hands, Alois looked to the side and registered what his spouse was doing. His hands rested in his lap as he then stared down at them. "Go ahead."

The brief contact was soothing. Practically reassuring. Once again, he moved his eyes to look at Ciel, only to find the bluenette smiling softly at him. At last, the Watchdog could see a glimpse of his spouse's face.

"Do you want to hold hands?" the bluenette questioned, but the other shook his head.

"My hands are gross." Alois replied. "They're wet and probably have snot on them."

"I've made it rain blood before. I think I'll live."

The menace's eyes looked at Ciel's hand before up at the other man's face. Closing them, he let out a long sigh before leaning over and falling on the sofa so that he was laying down. His head was resting on his husband's thigh. Immediately, he had a hand start playing with his hair, causing him to let out a tired sound of approval.

"You really do love me, don't you?" Alois questioned. "You put up with a lot."

"Please, you're not that big of a handful." his husband assured. "You have problems and I have problems. We help each other cope with them the best that we can."

"Hm..." hummed the blonde. He still felt horrible, but didn't have any more emotional energy to spend on it. All he could do was lay there, too exhausted to cry, and focus on the affection he was receiving. It was a small gesture, but it didn't feel like it.

"I love you, Jim." Ciel cooed. "I'll stay with you no matter what."

"No 'as long as?'"

"No. Just you and I carrying our baggage."

"Good." Alois stated. "And Ciel?"

"Yes?"

"We'll talk it out more later… I'm done for now..."

"That's fine. Just focus on feeling better."

To that, Alois simply groaned in response. After that, the pair sat in silence once more. This time, however, it wasn't awkward in the slightest.


A/N: "Golly, I sure am glad that Alois is starting to feel better." Yup... That's right... This is the end of his arc... Nothing else bad is going to happen... No, sir/ma'am/etc... Not at all... Everything is peachy keen... Hahaha...

Good luck, y'all... We're still doing this.

Also, the music I listened to was the soundtrack to "Fun Home" (particularly the songs toward the end) and the "In Tongues" EP by Joji. Just a little interesting tidbit, there, I guess?

All of the reviews the past few chapters have all had some really great stuff to say and interesting ideas? Some of you are onto me, too... It's really amazing that all of you have all of this stuff to say! I read every comment multiple times, I promise. I really learn a lot from them and the encouragement is also nice, I'm not gonna lie.

Oh! And character shet is still going, so feel free to submit your questions. Also, if there's anything you wanna know about supernatural nonsense, you can ask Miranda, pfft! You could ask Dafydd about magic, but do you really want to have him talk? There's other experts...

Also! I got a question:

"question for hate: I've been watching Hellsing; how does Alucard fit into this universe? What is Ciel's opinion of him?" by Guest

The answer to the first question will be answered at the OVAs ("Hellsing Ultimate" in other words) It's a spoiler, so if you're in the middle of watching it, I don't wanna give it away. As for Ciel's opinion of him? "Terrifying." Absolutely, pants-shittingly terrifying. He's scarier than Sebastian. Still postures around him, though. Even though Alucard knows he ain't shit.

Until the next chapter, my duckies~!


CHARACTER SHET

Question: "Luka do you watch anime?" by Socially Awkward Oreo Monster

Luka: "Yeah, but I can't watch a lot of it in the entertainment room. It's not anything bad! I swear! It's just that the girls in a lot of them need longer skirts and it's embarrassing... I'm just trying to watch the goddamn show and then BAM! Who needs this?"