Chapter 13- Who knew?
Jay Hogart wasn't a person that strolled. He walked, walked faster or just didn't care. But here he was, strolling along the sidewalk in California. He had went a lot of places after he skipped town. The fact that Emma said she wouldn't go with him, haunted him wherever he went in Canada, knowing that she was so close yet so far. So he packed up and headed for the states. He had been here for about two months now. Found the first garage that needed help and got a job. Took another three weeks before he could move out of his car and into a building but he did it. And now here he was, 4 pm and strolling along the sidewalk next to the beach. The atmosphere made him think of Sean and a smile briefly crossed his face. It had taken the better part of a year but they finally were ok with each other. Sean had picked up and left for Wasaga, this time for good. And now Jay finally knew what he was talking about when he babbled on about the waves and the feeling in the air bullshit. Things were finally going good for him. He got along with his roommates, had enough money for food and hell he even quit smoking for the most part. He sat down on a bench and drank the rest of his Coke before throwing the can in the garbage next to him. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, giving off the appearance that he was sleeping. His mind drifted to Emma and a frown started to form on his face. She would love it here. She would have been trying to get him in the ocean and go swimming. Or else building some ridiculous sand castle. He sighed. She was due soon. He had last talked to her about a week ago and they kept their conversation light. He inquired about Sam and she said things were looking good. She wasn't dating anyone else (he had asked) and she said no (and that he knew why). He loved her. No doubt in his mind about that. But coming to the states was what he needed. He would go back to Canada, if nothing else, for her and Sam. But not at this moment in time. Right now, this was where he needed to be.
"No JT, you can not come!"
The shaggy haired boy looked at Manny with his chin stuck out indignantly. "Why not? She's as much my best friend as she is yours!"
Manny sighed and looked at him like he was stupid. "First off, I didn't kiss her and trash her boyfriend in front of her-"
"Ex-boyfriend," he mumbled. He had hoped she had forgotten about that one. He hated that Jay had wiggled his way into Emma's life. She deserved better than that, better than him. But eventually over time he accepted that Emma was happy with him. However, he still didn't like Jay. And the fact that he ran out so close to Emma's due date was something that just irked him entirely.
"Whatever. The point is that it's a baby shower! And your favorite game, guess the weight of the pregnant lady, is not welcome here!"
"That is not my favorite game!" he exclaimed hurt.
Manny just raised an eyebrow at him.
"Anyone with half a brain knows it's how many cupcakes can the fat lady eat," he replied jokingly.
"Riiight….and this why you're not coming," Manny replied as she shut the door on him.
"I would let her win!" he hollered through the door.
Emma came up the stairs slowly and waddled to the front door where Manny was rolling her eyes.
"Should I ask what's going on?" she asked.
"Nope," Manny said simply.
Emma squinted her eyes and looked at her best friend and the door through which she could hear JT grumbling.
"Ok," she said throwing her hands in the air and walking away.
"Smart girl," her mother remarked.
Emma looked at her mom and smiled. "God. I can't believe that I'm actually due in like a month! I mean so much has happened…." She trailed off.
"Honey I couldn't be more proud of you," Spike said smoothing her daughters hair down gently. "You handled this so well, much more maturely than I did when I was your age."
"Yeah," she sighed. "I still can't believe I let it happen. I mean I always said I wouldn't be one of those girls you know? No offense Mom," she smiled in her mom's direction.
"You didn't plan on this hun. And I didn't plan on you. But look at how great my life is now. I have a great daughter who knows what she wants out life, she's sweet, she's funny…"
"Mom I get it. I'm only the best thing that ever happened to you," she said jokingly.
"Yes. You are," Spike replied firmly. "And I believe that you'll feel the same about Samantha."
Emma smiled and then it was erased just as quick as it came. "I just wish…." She sighed. "I wish that Jay was here for this too you know? That he could be here to see his daughter…." She shrugged. "His loss right?"
Ellie sat down next to her friend and put an arm around her shoulders. "I know Jay, Emma. He loves you. We all know that. But he couldn't stay here…he would have gone insane. He needed to do this for him. He'll come back for you and for Sam. I know he will," she said confidently.
"But why couldn't he stay here for me?" Emma whispered dangerously close to tears.
Ellie just looked at her friend and wished she had an answer for her. Instead she folded her into a hug and just sat with her.
"Alright! Baby showers are happy people, happy!" Paige commented as she walked into the room.
Emma smiled and wiped at her cheeks and looked up. "Hey Paige."
"Hello beautiful!" Paige said, awfully chipper.
"Ok, is she on crack?" Emma whispered to Ellie.
"No…I think she's on this happy kick or something…."
Emma rolled her eyes and turned back to the cheerleader. "This is so exciting. I mean Emma, you have to let me baby sit ok?"
"Yeah…whatever you want…."
Two hours later, it was present time. Emma grabbed a pretty pink box wrapped with a silver bow and Manny got this devilish smile on her face.
"I changed my mind…I don't want this one," Emma joked, as she put it back down.
"Oh just open it!" Manny cried as Emma's phone rang. "Hello?" Manny answered it.
"Oh my God! Manny!" Emma yelled in the background as she picked up a lacy dark purple teddy and everyone cracked up, including her mother.
Manny just grinned and passed the phone to her.
"Hello?" she asked laughing. "Jay! Hi! Oh my God you will not believe what Manny just gave me! A purple teddy. No, not a bear you moron!" she laughed. "A nightgown!" She laughed again and pulled the phone away from here ear. "Manny, Jay said he's going to buy you a big present when he gets back for getting him a great present."
Jay grinned from ear to ear as he listened to Emma crack up on the other end of the phone. He decided to call her on whim and apparently caught her in the middle of the baby shower.
"Hey, I'll let you go alright?" he said after a minute.
"I'll call you later?" Emma asked. God, he could still hear the smile in her voice.
"Yeah. Now be good…and take pictures with that nightgown on. I want to see it," he grinned.
"Shut up," she laughed. "I love you," as soon as she said it, she went quite and he could tell it had just slipped out. Something that she felt, but hadn't meant to say.
He smiled softly. "I love you too Emma," he replied. He had never just come straight out and told her that. But it occurred to him that he did. And once he realized that, it just came out effortlessly.
"What?" she asked on the other end. He knew she head heard him…there was a note of disbelief in her voice and he knew it was because he never said it before.
"You heard me."
"One more time," she replied half teasingly, half serious.
He sighed and rolled his eyes but did so with a smile on his face. "I love you. You know I do."
"Yeah I know, but you never said it until now," she said simply.
"Well now I did. Call me later…and bye everyone," he said.
A chorus of laughs followed. "Bye Jay!" about 10 girls responded.
He laughed as he hung up the phone. He knew she put him on speakerphone. Especially when he said he loved her.
"You're going back?" Dan asked skeptically that night as they watched a game of basketball on TV.
Jay took a gulp of his Bud and shrugged his shoulders. "Why not man? I mean I love her. Should be enough."
Dan just laughed and shook his head. "Yeah, that's great. But you loved her when I met you too. So why now all the sudden?"
"She's pregnant," Jay said flatly.
Dan's eyebrows raised noticeably. "Oh! Well….now I guess that's different. How far along is she?"
Jay finished the rest of his beer and set it down on the table before looking his roommate in the eye. "Eight months."
Dan coughed on the liquid he had in his mouth when he heard that. "Are you shitting me! She's been pregnant this entire time? Why the fuck didn't you say something?"
He looked away and shrugged, taking his hat off his head and toying with it.
"Let me ask you this Jay; if she was pregnant when you came here, and you loved here when you came here…..why go back? Did something miraculous happen?"
Jay grew quiet at that. "It just feels right. It feels like it's time to go back," he said.
"Who the fuck are you, my sister? She says that shit and she's 15. Seriously man, think about this!"
He just rolled his eyes as he got up and threw down his hat and grabbed his phone.
"Don't tell her! Because then she'll think you really are coming! Dude-Jay!" Dan shouted at his friends retreating back. "God that boy needs some help, "he muttered as he pulled a long gulp from his own bottle of brew.
"Hey guys, it's Emma! Do your thing at the beep," the voice said as a beep sounded. Jay just sighed but didn't hang up the phone. He had no idea of what to say. Ideally he wanted to tell her that he was coming back…but he couldn't just talk to himself about it on an answering machine. He was over by his stereo when an idea came to him. He quickly grabbed a CD and let the words flow from the speakers into the phone.
Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin'
And all I see is you
These city walls ain't got no love for me
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh I scream for you
Come please I'm callin'
And all I need from you
Hurry I'm fallin'
Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me
"Emma, it's Jay. Call me back as soon as you get this babe k?" he said as he hung up. It was cheesy and something unlike him to do…but he didn't care. Rachel was right all those months ago. He should have stayed and did the right thing by being there for Emma and Sam instead of running off. Now he only hoped it wasn't too late to fix the shit that he'd done.
