Epilogue-

"What's going on? Is there something wrong with her?" Manny asked nervously as Jay and Spike came back into the waiting room looking less than happy.

"She just fell asleep. She's tired, I mean she just gave birth. She's allowed to sleep right?" Jay said in a tone that conveyed the fact he was trying to convince himself everything was okay.

"Yeah, I'm sure that's it," Ellie said as she came up beside him.

The group sank into the cluster of chairs and just waited silently. Every once in a while one of them would get up and pace around the room but other than that, it was silent. Finally, after what seemed like hours a doctor appeared.

"Mrs. Nelson?"

Jay and Spike both sprang up and walked over to him, waiting to hear the news that she was ok.

"I'm sorry, we did everything we could. She couldn't take the stress of childbirth…it was too hard on her body," he said as he laid a hand on both of their arms and then walked out of the room to give them time alone.

Jay turned and looked at the group in shocked silence. None of them knew what to do. The first one to make a sound was Spike and that was as she hit the floor sobbing. Next came Manny.

"Jay…Jay…"JT was shaking his arm.

Jay looked at the boy that was crying and didn't say anything.

"You okay man? You've been staring at the one spot for a half hour now…"

"She's…dead. Emma's gone…"he said quietly.

JT regarded Jay in the moment and felt no hate towards him what so ever. The pain on his face, the vulnerability that he was showing; it was more than clear about how he felt for Emma. Jay walked over to a chair and just sat there, a dazed look on his face. Slowly he took his hat off his head and just put his head in his hands. He didn't cry though, he felt as though he couldn't. He lost the woman he loved, but had gained a daughter. But he would be left to raise her alone, Emma wouldn't be there to help and be a mother to her. He wouldn't be able to do this alone, he was only eighteen!

"I can't do this," he said in a barely audible voice. "I can't do this," he said a minute later louder.

"What?" Ellie asked.

"I can't be a father! I'm eighteen! I can't do this on my own, I don't even know anything about kids…Emma was supposed to be here to help me. I mean Sam doesn't even have a mother now…what the fuck am I supposed to do?" he asked, his voice dropping to a whisper.

"You won't be alone Jay, you know that," Manny spoke up. "We'll all be here to help you raise her."

"Jay," Spike said from her chair. "I think it would be best if Sam stayed at home with me until you figure out how you'll be able to care for her."

Jay just closed his eyes and sank back in his chair. When he opened them, he realized he was finally crying.


"Mr. Hogart? We need a name for the birth certificate…" the nurse said that night as they were getting ready to finally leave.

Jay took a breath and didn't look at anyone. "Emma Michelle Nelson-Hogart."

He finally looked around as the nurse made a note and walked away.

"Emma?" Spike asked quietly.

"Well, we'll call her Michelle."

Spike nodded her head. "Thank you," she said as tears were clouding her vision.

"Oh God…no more crying!" JT moaned.


"You're doing the right thing you know," Ellie started on the ride home.

Jay shot her a look. "By letting her go home with Spike, letting her take care of Sa-Michelle," Ellie finished as she stared out the window.

"Well she's not gonna stay there that's for sure. I'm not going to end up like my father who only shows up once in a while. I'll be damned. She deserves better than that," he said as he lit up a cigarette.

"Which she?" Ellie asked jokingly as she looked at Jay for the first time since they got in the car.

"Both of them," he replied shortly.

"Well you'll do it then. Jay, you're a good person. A little fucked in the head at times, but you mean well. Sometimes," the redhead finished with a smile. "And I've known you for a while. And if there's one thing I know about you it's that when you say you're going to do something, do not get in your way."

Jay snorted. "Unless I can roll over you," he muttered.

"Exactly. So don't worry about this! Yeah it's going to be different but you'll be fine. And I know what you went through with your father and I know that you'd rather die before you turned out like that. I have faith," Ellie finished softly as she laid a hand on his arm gently.

Jay just blinked at the girl in the seat beside him. "Well…thanks for the speech and vote of confidence El. But when the fuck did you turn into Dr. Phil? Knock it off, you're scaring me," he said giving her a weird look.

"Oh I scare everyone. Surprised you still talk to me actually," Ellie joked back.

He scratched his chin at that. "Right, I've been meaning to talk to you about that…."

She just gasped a joking breath and hit him on the arm. "Fuck head! Drive your god damn car!" she laughed as he sped off towards Spike's house.


A/N: wow...i can't believe that this story is actually done. this is my baby and i want to thank you all for coming on this ride with me. i'll be posting the sequel "i will buy you a new life" shortly...i have two chapters already done in that one. thanks again for reviewing and sticking with me on this story! -love nic