"Fantastic." the bluenette said upon walking into the store. "I stand out like a sore thumb."
"Well, think of it this way. Nobody will block the shelves." his husband replied.
The pair of them had finished eating and decided to go shopping afterwards. Alois decided that he needed more bathbombs and soap, so the pair wound up at Bath & Bodyworks with the bluenette getting a bit nervous. He was still a bit miffed about what happened earlier that day with the woman from Alois' cooking class and was now on his guard. Now he was in a store that was practically filled to the brim with "ordinary" people who might look at his eyepatch and assume the worst. Granted, he was an assassin and he did kill the occasional bad guy, but that didn't mean that he was out to hurt the general public!
Going into places like these always made the bluenette a bit nervous, really. He never really knew what to do and as much as he liked using the soap that Alois bought, he knew nothing about looking for it and getting it himself. In truth, he wasn't even sure what exactly it was Alois was looking for.
"Aren't the bathbombs over there?" Ciel questioned cluelessly while pointing to the display. Suddenly, he noticed a glint in his husband's eyes as Alois shot him a peculiarly determined smile.
"Yes, but I have coupons." Holding up his fingers, Alois began to explain in a rather serious fashion. "There's a sale going on so it's buy two, get one free on this shelf over here, but if I get a fourth one, I can get it for sixty percent off with a coupon on my phone. That means we can get any combination of shampoo and bodywash. There's lotion, too, but I don't like the consistency. It leaves your hands feeling sticky. Then, if we buy two things of body mist, I have a coupon for that, too that'll make it forty percent off the second one."
"Are you determined to walk away with a hundred pounds of hygiene products today or something?" inquired the other Phantomhive with a raised brow.
"Don't be silly. It's not that much. It'll cost us more like sixty, not counting the bathbombs… and I was planning on getting some handsoap for the bathroom... That is, unless, you want anything else."
"What else do they even have?"
"Lip balm, hand sanitizer, hand sanitizer-holders… They also have some candles and those little smelly things you plug into the wall to make the room smell good."
Pausing, the bluenette pondered this for a moment. "Hand sanitizer might be a good idea..."
"Then we'll get some." Alois replied before turning back to the display on the wall. "Now… It's December, so they have mostly desert-related smells, which are always way too much."
"Are you saying that you don't want to smell like candy?" jokingly asked the other while his husband opened the lid of one of the bottles and held it up to the bluenette's nose.
"Smell this." the blonde instructed. Immediately upon doing so, Ciel abruptly reeled back and scrunched up his face. One would think that he had been punched in the nose, but no, it only felt like it.
"That's awful!" the stunned Watchdog declared. He held his nose as though it would somehow help. "It feels like it singed my nosehairs!"
"Too sweet for Ciel Phantomhive? Now that's something."
"That's abhorrent..."
"That's dramatic." Alois laughed while putting the bottle back. "Stick with fruits, flowers, nature-sounding stuff, and weird shit that makes you say 'that's not a smell'. Come to think of it, what kind of stuff do you like? They have a mens' section, you know."
"I suppose we should start there?" the bluenette suggested, although he didn't seem too certain. "As long as we both can live with it, I don't really mind."
"What? You don't want your own?"
"No, it's not that. It's just that you always seem interested in smelling me, so I think I'd prefer to wear something you like."
"O-oh, is that right?" Although Alois had been wearing his coat this whole time, he very suddenly felt rather warm. Noticing the blonde's sudden change in demeanor, a smile graced Ciel's face as he subtly placed a hand in the small of the menace's back.
"Yeah. Pick out something you'd like me to wear and I'll wear it. Whatever you want."
"Alright, then..." Part of Alois wondered if this was just Ciel trying to get out of having to participate, but judging by the look on the Watchdog's face, Alois knew he was getting genuine enjoyment out of flustering him.
With that, Alois started opening bottles to smell them before passing on the ones he liked to Ciel to get his opinion. There wasn't a lot there, unfortunately. There was just a handful of scents marketed to men, but Alois knew his husband wasn't opposed to going elsewhere in the store to get something more "feminine." Some of the mens' scents were actually rather boring.
"Why does there always have to be a 'Bourbon' scent when it comes to guy's stuff?" the menace asked aloud. "Is bourbon manly?"
"It's marketed as something only refined, manly men drink, so it makes sense to have that association with other stuff." Ciel stated.
"Do you like bourbon?"
"Lord, no, it's bloody dreadful. Why are you smelling it?"
"Because I'm curious." Alois replied plainly.
"What's the verdict?"
"It's like… 'Fuckboy who wants to be classy.'" Nodded the blonde as if he had just said something profound. "So far, it's between 'Noir' and 'Ocean,' and I think 'Ocean' is winning."
"Didn't you say you were going to get four bottles so you can use all the discounts?"
"Yeah… We'll take 'Ocean' for now and come back if we can't find anything else." the menace said before moving on to a different section along the wall. As he moved, however, he noticed something out of the corner of his eye.
A worker was standing there, just staring at the couple. As soon as Alois fully turned his head to look at them, however, they turned their head. Moving his attention back to the soap, he addressed his spouse with his volume low, all the while appearing to be focused on the merchandise.
"There's a sale going on, but that employee over there seems fixated on us." he pointed out without looking.
"Maybe we look suspicious?" suggested the bluenette.
"Why would they think that? I highly doubt that this is the first time a same-sex couple has ever walked into this store. Maybe they're not used to seeing that many?"
"Maybe they're like that woman in your cooking class..." Ciel replied. "I feel like I'm being stared at."
To that, Alois actually gasped while making a rather indigent expression as he turned to his husband. His brows were furrowed with a mixture of anger and disbelief. Rather, he could believe it readily, given the events earlier that day.
"If they say anything, I'm gonna smack them upside the bloody head!"
"Jim, don't..." Ciel began, placing a hand on the other's shoulder in an attempt to calm him down. "You don't need to do that..."
"It's rude! Not to mention hurtful!" the menace declared. "In fact, if they keep staring, I think I'll ask them what the problem is!"
"It doesn't hurt my feelings any..."
"Ciel, I know you. You can't hide a thing from me." Reaching down, the blonde held onto the Watchdog's hand, intertwining their fingers together. "You're handsome, you're sexy, and I want you to feel confident, too, it's okay to feel upset by shitty behaviour, though."
Now it was the bluenette's turn to blush as he raised his eyebrows. With a smile, he reached up with his free hand and rubbed the back of his neck. "Alright." he said. "It's nice when you say stuff like that..."
"Most people like it when their partner tells them they're attractive. You know I never just say that for the sake of saying it or being funny, right? I really mean it."
"I know. It's just…" the bluenette let out a sigh. "If our suspicions are correct, that's twice in one day..."
"It piles up, doesn't it?"
"Sort of..."
"Well, don't you worry about it. If anything happens, I'll take care of you, alright?"
"Alright..." Ciel was a little embarrassed that his husband had to look out for him over something so trivial, but at the same time, he sort of liked it. It made him feel special and somehow, oddly safe.
"Here, hold this." Alois said, handing his husband the shopping basket to carry in his free hand. They continued to hold hands as Alois continued to browse. "I'll find you something that makes you smell really nice."
With his husband's approval, the menace continued his search, occasionally holding things up for his spouse to smell, only to wind up finding something quite simple. It wasn't a particularly strong, fruity or floral scent, but rather one of those that's named after something that isn't a real smell at all. After having chosen one bottle, the blonde put it in the basket his husband was carrying for him, only to pick up another.
"That's the same one." the Watchdog pointed out, thinking there was some kind of mistake.
"Yeah, but these are seasonal and I like this one, too." Alois stated.
"You should get something for yourself, though."
As if you won't wear it, either way..." the blonde retorted. "You use them regardless of what the smell is. I know you do. I did an experiment once where I hid them, and suddenly, they lasted twice as long."
"So that's what happened to them. I'll admit, I was mildly inconvenienced by that."
"You used shampoo instead, didn't you?"
Pausing, the other Phantomhive hesitated momentarily. "...Yes."
"Knew it." Alois laughed. "Alright, then. Since I picked out something for you, you pick out something for me."
"Really?" Ciel questioned. "I mean, you really trust me with that?"
"Why not? Your sense of smell isn't dead, is it?"
"No, but I'm not really sure… Sometimes, I like it when you smell more 'masculine,' but then there's times when I like a bit of a sweeter smell- Not too sweet. Just… pleasant. If I can pick only one… I don't know… Both are good… And there's so many options..."
"You're taking this very seriously, aren't you?"
"I'm not sure what response you expected me to do if not this." reminded the bluenette, prompting the other to nod his head. Both of then knew that it was Ciel's nature to consider all of the options and weigh them very carefully. Yet, the pair couldn't stay there all day, so Ciel needed to think quickly.
Handing the basket back to the menace, Ciel let go of the man's hand and began grabbing bottles that stood out to him and smelling their contents. Occasionally, he would look over at Alois while doing so in order to compare the "fit," thus causing the blonde to laugh at him a bit. He tried to work quickly, but his movements were very methodical as if he had practised them.
"'Dark Kiss?'" Ciel read off. "That's not a smell..."
"It is when it comes to women's body wash. Is it good, at least?"
"Yes… I also like the 'Cherry Merlot' even though it doesn't smell like Merlot at all, but I think I like the other one better on you… This is very difficult..."
"I could go get some other stuff while you think, if you want."
"Don't you dare leave me alone in this store, Jim. I might die."
"I don't think you'll die, but that worker who was watching us might come back."
"Even worse..."
"Well, what's the consensus, then?"
"It's between this and "Lavender and Honey…'" Ciel replied, stretching out his words because he was deep in thought. It made him sound rather mysterious. To others, perhaps ominous. In the end, though, Ciel nodded with an incredibly sure way about him as he was dead-set that this was the one.
"This one." he said, holding the bottle out for Alois to put in the basket. "'Lavender and Honey.'"
"Ooh! I like that one. It's not supposed to be out in December though? That's weird… It's more of a Spring and Summer thing."
"It thought it smelled a bit familiar..." the bluenette noted. "I have no idea what that other stuff means, though."
"It means you made a lucky find." the blonde informed, causing his husband to puff out his chest a bit and smile in a rather smug fashion. Grabbing the other man's hand again, the menace began to drag Ciel off to a different area. "Now that that's out of the way, we still have body mist and hand sanitizer to get."
Overall, thinks were very educational to Ciel. Slowly, he was becoming more comfortable with being in this store and he was learning a lot from his husband. He learned what "body mist" was in the first place and found that there was decent cologne here that didn't cost nearly as much as it did when Ciel bought some on his own. When asked, however, he neglected to say how much he usually spent, much to the blonde's amusement. They wound up getting a bottle even though it wasn't on the list, but Ciel seemed pleased, so it was fine.
It took much longer than the menace would have on his own, but they eventually reached the checkout and Alois wasn't too miffed about it. In fact, he had fun. He liked watching Ciel take things so seriously. The Watchdog was given the task of picking out for Alois and he took the task to heart, dutifully measuring the merits of each product until he found one that was suitable for his beloved spouse.
"Let me." the blue-haired gentleman stated, already taking out his card when it came time to pay.
"Huh, no, it's fine. You don't have to."
"You paid at the restaurant. Now it's my turn." Before the menace could protest any further, Ciel had already swiped the card and entered in his PIN. There was an opportunity for Alois to tease him here, reminding him that they had just used Alois' coupons, but the blonde let it pass so that Ciel could do something nice for him. His teasing was an act of love, but refraining was also.
The pair walked out of the store with both of them carrying a bag. It was the only way the could compromise as both of them didn't want the other to have to carry them. After depositing their purchases in Alois' car, they began debating on where to go next, as neither of them had anything planned in particular.
"We could go Christmas shopping." Alois suggested. "We still need to get a few things for the Midfords and our homies. Serious question: Is it impolite to give a jew a present for Christmas? I feel like it would be also offensive if he was the only person who we didn't get anything for..."
"I have no idea. Is it rude to invite him to a Christmas party?" the bluenette questioned while buckling his seatbelt.
"Is it?"
"According to him, it's fine as long as we put food out and don't serve pork."
"Yeah. He attacked the cookies we put out almost as hard as you did." the blonde said. "I'm gonna google it when we get home. Remind me."
"Will do. Or I could just text him right now."
"Isn't it supposed to be a surprise?"
"If the surprise is tasteless, then 'no.'" the Watchdog replied, earning a nod from the other.
"You got me, there."
"So, where exactly are we going?" the bluenette questioned. "We already have Geraldine and Oliver's presents… so we need their parents, James, James' wife, and… how old is their kid?"
"Uh… I dunno. I think she's like, three-ish?" speculated the menace. "Ask Rupert before we get anything."
"Right."
"I'm thinking we hit the usual preppy spots for preppy people." Alois said while pulling out onto the street. "I'm sure we'll find something."
"Anywhere after that?" Ciel questioned with a raised eyebrow. "Is going shopping a sufficient date for you?"
"Why not? I'm having fun. There's plenty of chances to be romantic while we shop. I'm already hanging all over you everywhere we've been so far."
"True, but… I don't know… It feels like none of my moves are landing…"
"I guess. You were really focused in the last shop. It's okay, though." Alois stated.
"It's not okay. I wanted to court you." The Watchdog said this with perfect seriousness, prompting the other to giggle. Confusedly, Ciel looked over at his husband for an explanation. "Why is that funny?"
"Because you're fucking cute." the menace informed. "Oh, my God… So cute… You're always just so… genuine about everything when you talk about wanting to 'woo' me or 'court' me. Even just that makes me feel important, I guess."
"That's because you are. I want to properly romance you because you need to know that you are important and that you are special. Unfortunately, between searching for the right scents and thinking about that employee, I got a bit distracted..."
Pausing, the blonde thought for a moment. He made a slight noise of acknowledgment with a smile so that there wasn't a complete vacancy in the conversation, but the more he thought, the more that smile shifted slightly. "Hey, Ciel, can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"Do you ever feel self-conscious when we go shopping together?"
Raising his eyebrows, the bluenette allowed himself to express his surprise before uttering a long sigh. "Maybe even when I'm by myself, if I'm honest." he replied. "It has nothing to do with anything you're doing and it's not your fault. I know it's not really my fault, either, but sometimes, I worry about embarrassing you, I suppose. You're so beautiful, yet you're with a rough-looking guy like me… It's sort of an odd image, don't you think?"
"Not really." Alois rather bluntly answered. "Ciel, you'll never embarrass me that way. I actually kinda like shopping with you because I get to show you off. There's plenty of people who wish they could get a piece of you, so it's not like 'ooh, there's a scary man next to that gay blonde dude over there.' Remember when you used to pick me up from college?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you have any idea just how many of my classmates thought you were the single coolest looking bloke they've ever seen? I would go to class the next day and have girls ask me if I could give them your contact information. I always got a kick out of saying: 'No, he's taken. He's mine' and basking in the envy that wafted off of them. You're an abso-fucking-lutely gorgeous man and some people are just too stupid to get that. Hell, there's people who don't think that Monty Python is funny, and Monty Python is fucking funny. It's the same thing."
That made a smile form on the Watchdog's face. Alois had a different manner of speaking, but the same sentiments were there. The blonde sounded passionate about what he was saying and spoke with his own brand of sincerity.
"Uh… let's see..." Alois continued, furrowing his brow as he struggled to come up with something to say while driving. A blush formed on his face as the words he so desperately wanted eluded him. "Uhm… You have a very pretty face… Well, 'pretty' in a manly sort of way. You've got that jaw, that nose, those lips and those really pretty eyes. I really like your eyes… And your hair..."
"I know you do. That's all you really wanted to talk about when we first met." Ciel chuckled at last. "Come to think of it… Why were you so fixated on my eyes?"
"I-! Uh… I thought they were pretty..." the blonde bashfully confessed. "Your purple one is pretty, too… At the time, I just didn't like that a demon had messed with it."
"Is that why you said it was ugly?" teased the Watchdog, enjoying his beau's reactions very much.
"I regret my choices!"
"I'm flattered. If someone as stunning as you thinks I'm pretty, then there must be some truth to that."
"I… I did think you were pretty, didn't I?" questioned the menace with raised eyebrows. He was shocked. Truly, he had never considered the possibility before. "I know I thought you were pretty when I came back… but back then, I… Oh, God..."
"You had a crush on me!" Ciel declared, saying it for his husband while the blonde's face reddened. Jovially, the Watchdog threw his head back with a hearty, haughty laugh that rumbled from his very core.
"Shut up!" the bashful Phantomhive ordered, but Ciel did not. He just kept on laughing triumphantly at his husband's realisation.
"We know that I was into you, but you acted like you weren't into me! That's hilarious!"
"I said shut up! You know I love you and think you're fit! It shouldn't be surprising tha- ah..." Alois paused, his expression falling before shifting back to embarrassment. It was the quiet sort where he obviously didn't want to say anything.
"What is it?" the Watchdog questioned, managing to calm himself down just enough to do so.
Alois didn't want to say it, but knew that Ciel would notice eventually. "...I missed the turn..." Much to his displeasure, the bluenette immediately started up again. "That's why I told you to shut up! You're distracting me!"
"But I love you, Jimmy-darling!"
"I will turn this car around and I'll drive us home!"
"That's fine. I can woo you there, too."
"Sleep on the couch, arsehole!"
After that, the Watchdog's confidence was restored, almost to the point of cockiness when it came to interacting with the menace. Light touches and sweet words kept distracting Alois, hindering some of his progress in finding suitable Christmas presents for the extended family. Worse, Ciel always did it with subtlety, so no one else even noticed. Alois himself might not have noticed a few instances, but Ciel's change in tone clued him into the other man's intentions. Worse, they were on the same wavelength, so all of it was effective.
"You're unbelievable." the menace accused as they returned with their purchases. "You know, that, right?"
"I simply haven't the foggiest indication as to what you mean, Jim." Ciel innocently replied while helping him with the bags. For once, the pair returned home from their date, as they had other things with them. Both of them had as much as they could carry in their arms, trying to narrow things down to just one trip.
"You. You're such a fucking dork, but you seriously play the long game, don't you? Little by little, you put the heat on until I'm flustered. It's not fair, you know."
"Well, 'patience' is a virtue. There's nothing particularly malicious about it, however. I'm just having fun."
"Liar."
"It's true!" Ciel insisted. "Sometimes, I let up, but I really am trying to have as much fun with you as possible. That's what dates are for, aren't they? If I really wanted to play 'the long game' as you put it, and court you to that extent, I would actually start from the night before."
Blinking, Alois thought for a moment while the other man unlocked the door and stepped into the house, only to turn around and look at the blonde with a tilted head. "Jim?" he asked. "Are you coming inside?"
"You do play the long game..." the menace said like he had just had an epiphany. "You do! You just couldn't this time because you had that meeting this morning! That's why you were laying on the heavy hits in the latter half! And because of that, I just now noticed!"
"Oh, come now, Jim… Don't be silly..." answered the bluenette without a single shred of sincerity. He even smiled, proving just how serious he really was about what he was saying. "Do you really think I would go through all of that trouble just to seduce you?"
"Yes. Yes, I do, you evil motherfucker." Alois nodded, causing the other to chuckle as he followed after him and shut the door behind them. "That's why when you plan the dates, you plan them out for a long time! That's your style! Your seduction starts before the actual date! You sly dog!"
"Well, now that you've foiled my diabolical plans, I suppose you won't be falling for my tricks anymore, will you?"
"Hell yeah, I will. I live for the attention. I crave it. I'm thirsty for it. Sometimes, I'm just needy and wanna be pampered, and sometimes, there's just no way for me to resist your moves."
"Oh? Well, I'll be sure to plan a proper date next time." informed the Watchdog. "Things got in the way unexpectedly this time, but next time, I'll get you for sure."
"Nah, just take me upstairs later tonight after the kids are asleep and get down with your bad self."
"Get down with my..?" chuckled the bluenette while shaking his head with a grin. "You are absolutely ridiculous..."
"Maybe so, but I'll get you, Ciel Phantomhive. I'll get you and your little dog, too." Alois replied as he increased his pace. "Hot dog." he clarified once he reached the bluenette's face. Once he was past him, he stopped and looked over his shoulder again. "Your penis. I'm talking about your penis."
To that, Ciel wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. He wanted to laugh at the humour of it, groan at the absurdity, but also gloat at the same time about being desired, but in the end, only one word in particular stood out to him and prompted a reaction. "'Little?'" he asked incredulously.
"Thick." the menace called out from somewhere in front of him. "You're hot n' spicy."
A/N: These demons need Christ and so does the author. Nothing beats a good dick joke. Except maybe a period joke. Or a fart joke.
I wanted to write a very sweet chapter with mushy feelings and such, but that's not what happened. Listen, I can only control the way the story goes so much. Sometimes, it's just not in the cards.
The devil is, though.
The devil is in the cards.
Speaking of devils, has anyone figured out what expression, term, or phrase that "Devils Like to Prove" is named after? We've already done "Dance with the devil." I feel like it'll weigh heavily thematically at the very, very, veeeerrrryyy end. Then once you make the connection it'll be like "Oooooh shiiiitttt she did that" and it'll be really cool and I'll feel really smart about it uwu
That's how writing works, I pinky promise u
It's almost six in the morning.
Goodnight.
Until the next chapter, my duckies~!
