Disclaimer: I don't own any characters blah blah blah owned by JK Rowling blah blah blah don't sue me. There will be a bit of writing from the OotP to refresh some people's memories about what happened. Then it will diverge from the original story.
Credit for this idea goes to my friend, who I'll only name P. Thanks for your suggestion, and thanks for allowing me and my inner evil b* to run wild. I hope you feel I do it justice.
Each chapter is a separate one-shot.
Summary: McGonagall and Umbridge have never been the best of friends. Their mutual dislike comes to a head during the career appointment of a student they have opposing views on.
McGonagall and Umbridge Duelled? 5
He was in such a bad mood by the time that he got to Divination that he had quite forgotten his career appointment with Professor McGonagall, remembering only when Ron asked him why he wasn't in her office. He hurtled back upstairs and arrived out of breath, only a few minutes late.
"Sorry, Professor," he panted, as he closed the door. "I forgot. . . ."
"No matter, Potter," she said briskly, but as she spoke, somebody else sniffed from the corner. Harry looked around.
Professor Umbridge was sitting there, a clipboard on her knee, a fussy little pie-frill around her neck, and a small, horribly smug smile on her face.
"Sit down, Potter," said Professor McGonagall tersely. Her hands shook slightly as she shuffled the many pamphlets littering her desk.
Harry sat down with his back to Umbridge and did his best to pretend he could not hear the scratching of her quill on her clipboard.
"Well, Potter, this meeting is to talk over any career ideas you might have, and to help you decide which subjects you should continue into sixth and seventh years," said Professor McGonagall. "Have you had any thoughts about what you would like to do after you leave Hogwarts?"
"Er," said Harry.He was finding the scratching noise from behind him very distracting.
"Yes?" Professor McGonagall prompted Harry.
"Well, I thought of, maybe, being an Auror," Harry mumbled.
"You'd need top grades for that," said Professor McGonagall, extracting a small, dark leaflet from under the mass on her desk and opening it. "They ask for a minimum of five N.E.W.T.s, and nothing under 'Exceeds Expectations' grade, I see. Then you would be required to undergo a stringent series of character and aptitude tests at the Auror office. It's a difficult career path, Potter; they only take the best. In fact, I don't think anybody has been taken on in the last three years."
At this moment Professor Umbridge gave a very tiny cough, as though she was trying to see how quietly she could do it. Professor McGonagall ignored her.
"You'll want to know which subjects you ought to take, I suppose?" she went on, talking a little more loudly than before.
"Yes," said Harry. "Defense Against the Dark Arts, I suppose?"
"Naturally," said Professor McGonagall crisply. "I would also advise —"
Professor Umbridge gave another cough, a little more audible this time. Professor McGonagall closed her eyes for a moment, opened them again, and continued as though nothing had happened.
"I would also advise Transfiguration, because Aurors frequently need to Transfigure or Untransfigure in their work. And I ought to tell you now, Potter, that I do not accept students into my N.E.W.T. classes unless they have achieved 'Exceeds Expectations' or higher at Ordinary Wizarding Level. I'd say you're averaging 'Acceptable' at the moment, so you'll need to put in some good hard work before the exams to stand a chance of continuing. Then you ought to do Charms, always useful, and Potions. Yes, Potter, Potions," she added, with the merest flicker of a smile. "Poisons and antidotes are essential study for Aurors. And I must tell you that Professor Snape absolutely refuses to take students who get anything other than 'Outstanding' in their O.W.L.s, so —"
Professor Umbridge gave her most pronounced cough yet.
"May I offer you a cough drop, Dolores?" Professor McGonagall asked curtly, without looking at Professor Umbridge.
"Oh no, thank you very much," said Umbridge, with that simpering laugh Harry hated so much. "I just wondered whether I could make the teensiest interruption, Minerva?"
"I daresay you'll find you can," said Professor McGonagall through tightly gritted teeth.
"I was just wondering whether Mr. Potter has quite the temperament for an Auror?" said Professor Umbridge sweetly.
"Were you?" said Professor McGonagall haughtily. "Well, Potter," she continued, as though there had been no interruption, "if you are serious in this ambition, I would advise you to concentrate hard on bringing your Transfiguration and Potions up to scratch. I see Professor Flitwick has graded you between Acceptable' and 'Exceeds Expectations' for the last two years, so your Charm work seems satisfactory; as for Defense Against the Dark Arts, your marks have been generally high, Professor Lupin in particular thought you — are you quite sure you wouldn't like a cough drop, Dolores?"
"Oh, no need, thank you, Minerva," simpered Professor Umbridge, who had just coughed her loudest yet. "I was just concerned that you might not have Harry's most recent Defense Against the Dark Arts marks in front of you. I'm quite sure I slipped in a note . . ."
"What, this thing?" said Professor McGonagall in a tone of revulsion, as she pulled a sheet of pink parchment from between the leaves of Harry's folder. She glanced down it, her eyebrows slightly raised, then placed it back into the folder without comment.
"Yes, as I was saying, Potter, Professor Lupin thought you showed a pronounced aptitude for the subject, and obviously for an Auror —"
"Did you not understand my note, Minerva?" asked Professor Umbridge in honeyed tones, quite forgetting to cough.
"Of course I understood it," said Professor McGonagall, her teeth clenched so tightly that the words came out a little muffled.
"Well, then, I am confused. . . . I'm afraid I don't quite understand how you can give Mr. Potter false hope that —"
"False hope?" repeated Professor McGonagall, still refusing to look round at Professor Umbridge. "He has achieved high marks in all his Defense Against the Dark Arts tests —"
"I'm terribly sorry to have to contradict you, Minerva, but as you will see from my note, Harry has been achieving very poor results in his classes with me —"
"I should have made my meaning plainer," said Professor McGonagall, turning at last to look Umbridge directly in the eyes. "He has achieved high marks in all Defense Against the Dark Arts tests set by a competent teacher."
Professor Umbridge's smile vanished as suddenly as a lightbulb blowing. She sat back in her chair, turned a sheet on her clipboard, and began scribbling very fast indeed, her bulging eyes rolling from side to side. Professor McGonagall turned back to Harry, her thin nostrils flared, her eyes burning.
"Any questions, Potter?"
"Yes," said Harry. "What sort of character and aptitude tests do the Ministry do on you, if you get enough N.E.W.T.s?"
"Well, you'll need to demonstrate the ability to react well to pressure and so forth," said Professor McGonagall, "perseverance and dedication, because Auror training takes a further three years, not to mention very high skills in practical defense. It will mean a lot more study even after you've left school, so unless you're prepared to —"
"I think you'll also find," said Umbridge, her voice very cold now, "that the Ministry looks into the records of those applying to be Aurora. Their criminal records."
"— unless you're prepared to take even more exams after Hogwarts, you should really look at another —"
"— which means that this boy has as much chance of becoming an Auror as Dumbledore has of ever returning to this school."
"A very good chance, then," said Professor McGonagall.
"Potter has a criminal record," said Umbridge loudly.
"Potter has been cleared of all charges," said Professor McGonagall, even more loudly.
Professor Umbridge stood up. She was so short that this did not make a great deal of difference, but her fussy, simpering demeanor had given place to a hard fury that made her broad, flabby face look oddly sinister.
"Potter has no chance whatsoever of becoming an Auror!"
Professor McGonagall got to her feet too, and in her case this was a much more impressive move. She towered over Professor Umbridge.
"Potter," she said in ringing tones, "I will assist you to become an Auror if it is the last thing I do! If I have to coach you nightly I will make sure you achieve the required results!"
"The Minister of Magic will never employ Harry Potter!" said Umbridge, her voice rising furiously.
"There may well be a new Minister of Magic by the time Potter is ready to join!" shouted Professor McGonagall.
"Aha!" shrieked Professor Umbridge, pointing a stubby finger at McGonagall. "Yes! Yes, yes, yes! Of course! That's what you want, isn't it, Minerva McGonagall? You want Cornelius Fudge replaced by Albus Dumbledore! You think you'll be where I am, don't you, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister and headmistress to boot!"
"You are raving," said Professor McGonagall, superbly disdainful. "Potter, that concludes our career consultation."
Harry swung his bag over his shoulder and hurried out of the room, not daring to look at Umbridge. He could hear her and Professor McGonagall continuing to shout at each other all the way back along the corridor. The last he heard was Umbridge shriek at McGonagall, "FINE! If you think you know better than the Minister of Magic, you won't be afraid to put your wand where your mouth is!! We'll duel tomorrow after Lunch!!!" followed by McGonagall's reply of "FINE WITH ME!!!"
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That evening, when Harry managed to speak to Ron and Hermione about what he'd overheard, their reactions were polar opposites. Ron cheered and jumped around the Common Room (startling a group of First Years finishing their Charms essay) while Hermione groaned and put her face in her hands.
"She'll be gone, she'll be gone, she'll be gone, gone, gone," sang Ron in a horribly off-key tone once he'd calmed down. Harry smiled: his reaction had been similar (minus the singing) once he was far enough away from McGonagall's office to avoid being caught. Hermione took her face out of her hands. Far from looking happy, Hermione's expression would have been more appropriate at the funeral of a beloved relative.
"Don't you get what this means?" she moaned. Ron looked at Hermione like she'd grown an extra head. "It means that Professor McGonagall's going to get rid of Umbridge," he replied in an isn't-it-obvious tone. Hermione whacked him with the book she was reading, ignoring his muttered "Oww! Quit it!" and turning to Harry. He knew by now to allow her to talk before making comments.
"Professor McGonagall's in a difficult position! She's damned if she wins and damned if she loses," Hermione commented. She continued, "If Umbridge beats her-" "Fat chance" "Professor McGonagall will lose the respect of most of the students, and Umbridge will lord it over her. However, if she wins, Professor McGonagall may gain some satisfaction, but Umbridge will make her life hell. She'll get Fudge to pass another Educational Decree restricting the power of the Professors, or Umbridge could have her Ministry underlings arrest McGonagall, or some other punishment I can't bear to think of".
Ron burst out with reasons why he thought Hermione was wrong, but Harry was silent, realising she had seen more future consequences to the duel than he had. "Do you think McGonagall's realised that?" Harry asked, interrupting Ron's list. Hermione bit her lip, considering. "She has to have. I can't imagine her doing something like this without going through the ramifications". Harry started nodding before a thought struck him.
"Professor McGonagall didn't wait too long. When I was walking away from her office, I could still hear them arguing. When Umbridge challenged her, only a few seconds passed before McGonagall accepted," Harry commented, hoping he was wrong. Considering Hermione's expression was now appropriate for attending the joint funeral of all of someone's relatives, he doubted it.
Ron, attempting to cheer them up, said, "Look. I doubt Umbridge will beat Professor McGonagall. Umbridge is a toad, who may try to get revenge, but she won't do anything too severe. If she tries to fire McGonagall, people will complain. She's taught a lot of people Transfiguration, and she's a strict but fair teacher. Umbridge won't be able to find someone as skilled as McGonagall if she tries. I reckon Umbridge would just complain to Fudge, or ban duels from happening in Hogwarts, or some other petty thing".
Harry was unconvinced, but he didn't want to say anything to get rid of the hopeful expression on Hermione's face. He got up, wanting to get an early night, and Ron also stood up. When Harry turned a questioning glance on Hermione, she shook her head. "I can't, not yet. I've got another 4 inches to add to my Ancient Runes essay". Harry walked up the stairs to his dormitory and fell onto his bed, asleep before he could take off his clothes.
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When they went down to breakfast the following day, the Hogwarts rumour mill had spread the news of Professor McGonagall and Umbridge's impending duel. From what Harry could hear, only Mr Filch and members of the Inquisitorial Squad wanted Umbridge to win. Harry was surprised that so few Slytherins supported Umbridge. Still, he reasoned that they were annoyed by her interference at Hogwarts.
When Ron mentioned he was looking forward to watching the duel, Harry had a horrible feeling. He thought he'd seen a new Educational Decree on the way into the Great Hall, and Harry reckoned it had something to do with the duel. Hermione's expression as she looked at Ron reinforced the feeling. "Didn't you see Educational Decree Number 337?" (1) Harry decided to speed up the time until he could eat (Hermione got annoyed if they ate while talking after Ron accidentally coughed up some potatoes on her essay) and replied, "I thought we hadn't gotten to number 30 yet, never mind over 300".
"And? I don't know what goes through that woman's head. Why do you expect me to know why she decided to jump numbers?" Hermione responded, turning her annoyance from Ron to Harry. He waved his hand in apology, and she continued, "Umbridge's new decree restricts the number of students allowed to spectate events. She isn't allowing Fifth years, 7th years, those who've had detention in Hogwarts and those that have gotten below an O in any homework assignment to spectate school events".
Harry took all the students he knew and mentally sorted them into boxes based on which offence off of the list they had committed. By the time he was finished, no one was left.
"Hang on, does that apply to students? Or teachers and students?" Ron wondered. When Harry replied with, "Probably both", Ron's expression turned angry. "She can't do that! No one will be allowed to watch Quidditch matches!" he protested. Hermione huffed, muttering about how "boys only cared about sport and their stomachs". Offended, Harry was about to defend the male population when a startling realisation crossed his mind.
"Do "events" also mean duels?" Harry asked. Seeing Ron and Hermione's confusion, Harry elaborated, "Since everyone's banned from watching events, that could mean no one can watch Umbridge and McGonagall duel. She could use that to try to maintain power. If McGonagall beats Umbridge using simple spells, the students wouldn't fear her, and most people would rebel against her authority. Keeping it under wraps means nothing is stopping Umbridge saying "the duel took 30 minutes" and McGonagall refuting that "it took 5 minutes", turning it into a "he said, she said"". (2)
"Harry, you're right!" Hermione exclaimed, ignoring his mutter of, "Always the tone of surprise". "It makes more sense than Umbridge developing a sudden dislike of students spectating Quidditch matches. Oh, why didn't I think of that?". "Relax, 'ermione. You're 'llowed to have an off-day," Ron mumbled, helping himself to some toast and missing the annoyance on Hermione's face.
Thinking now would be a good time to distract Hermione before she did something she might later regret, Harry noted that "at least we have Transfiguration before Dinner, so we can get an account of the duel from McGonagall then". Ron nodded enthusiastically, but Hermione groaned. "We're supposed to be moving on to interspecies Transfiguration today, (3) and Professor McGonagall told us this always comes up in the O.W.L.s," she moaned, looking despondent.
"Hermione, relax. Besides, you can't deny a part of you wants to hear about what happens in the duel," Harry said, trying to cheer her up. She turned and nodded, smiling. "Ok, I want to hear about the duel from McGonagall. Happy?" Hermione declared sarcastically. "Ecstatic," Harry replied, reaching for the scrambled eggs and tucking in. He was looking forward to Transfiguration more than usual.
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Harry didn't like having classes with the Slytherins. Still, as they sat in the Transfiguration classroom waiting for Professor McGonagall to walk in, he wouldn't have minded having trolls as classmates. People asked their neighbours if they'd heard anything about the result, and Harry almost died from shock as he watched Malfoy having a civil conversation with Hermione. When she shook her head and apologised, Harry guessed Malfoy's curiosity about the results had overcome his dislike of those he considered beneath him.
With a Snape-esque bang, Professor McGonagall walked into the classroom. All conversation halted as she walked up to her desk. When she turned around, Harry studied her Professor McGonagall's face was blank, giving nothing away. There were no apparent injuries or changes in her appearance, but Harry thought she would have visited Madam Pomfrey if she had been seriously injured.
"There will be no need for your wands in today's class," Professor McGonagall announced, making some people jump. Ron looked confused as they put their wands back inside their robes. Harry felt disappointed there wasn't going to be a breakdown of the duel. His hopes plummeted further when she ordered them to "Take this down". There were muted groans as everyone took out parchment, quill and ink, ready for a class of theory.
"The rules of a duel are as follows." Harry looked up "One person challenges another to a duel-" he glanced around "and if the other person accepts-" Ron stared at him, confusion evident "then the challenger decides on the time and place of the duel-" several students were whispering to their neighbours "while the challenged picks one from the 3 types of duels." Harry saw a look of comprehension dawn on Hermione's face "If anyone thought this was going to be a theory class-" most of the people put down their quills "then I hope you're not disappointed-" some people cheered "that I've decided to talk about the duel," Professor McGonagall stated, smiling as most people made an appreciative noise. (4)
"Due to the High Inquisitor's new Educational Decree, there were no spectators in the Great Hall," Professor McGonagall described. "The tables were moved to the sides, but, unlike the Duelling Club in your second year, there wasn't a stage. We were duelling on bare ground. After we bowed and the duel started, I put up a shield that blocked Umbridge's Stunner. I conjured multiple buttons - remember, buttons can be Transfigured into multiple objects, most of which can be used in a duel - if I needed something to Transfigure. Casting two Stunners, a Disarming spell and a Bat Bogey Hex at Umbridge, I stepped to the left to avoid her Cutting charm."
Harry looked around. Everyone was entranced by Professor McGonagall's tale; Malfoy was staring at her, and he saw Ron holding his hands in front of him, making them move like what she was describing.
"While Umbridge was blocking my spells, I turned into my Animagus form (5) - I'm registered at the Ministry, so she can't say I did illegal magic - and ran towards her, using my claws to scrawb her legs. When she bent over to try to heal them, I jumped up and bit her wand hand. Umbridge let go of her wand, and before she could try to shake me off, I dropped to the ground and picked up her wand in my mouth. I transformed back and pointed both wands at her. Since it was a -premier sang- (6) style of duelling, I cast a small Cutting Charm at her, cutting a thin line on her cheek. Madam Pomfrey healed it in a minute, and Umbridge acknowledged me as the winner," Professor McGonagall finished. She smiled as Harry, Ron and Hermione led the rest of the students in cheering her.
"How long did the duel last, Professor?" Malfoy enquired. She thought for a few seconds, then replied, "Around 5 or ten minutes. Which, coincidentally, is the amount of time left in this class. Since I'm in a good mood - and don't expect this every class - I'll let you go early". The students packed their bags and walked out the door, thanking and congratulating Professor McGonagall as they passed her. As Harry walked out, he smiled at her.
"Professor, thanks for letting us go to dinner early. I'm glad you beat Umbridge in the duel," he declared.
Professor McGonagall smiled.
"So am I".
Críochnaithe
(A.N: I know I said I'd be uploading new chapters on Wednesdays, but I finished this chapter today, and I didn't want to wait for almost a week before uploading it. I hope you enjoyed this.
If anyone wanted Umbridge to win the duel, tough. This has nothing to do with my opinions on Gryffindor vs Slytherin and everything to do with my views on the characters themselves and their magical abilities. McGonagall and Umbridge may both be Professors, but one has taught for almost 39 years and got her job based on her qualifications, while the other got her job based on the owner of the arse she was licking. No contest.
(1) Yes, I know in OotP there were less than 40 Educational Decrees. I picked this number because, like the number people have to dial in the telephone box entrance into the Ministry of Magic (62443) spells out "magic" on an old phone keypad, 337 spells out "ffs", reflecting the frustration I felt every time Umbridge came up with another Educational Decree.
(2) *avoids all the incoming missiles* I'm sorry! I couldn't think of new ways to write about *dodge to the right* - Quit it! - duels without repeating myself. I don't want to get bored of the fanfic and leave it abandoned *ducks* so I didn't want to write two fanfics featuring duels, one straight after the other. *ducks behind a rock* Well, if you're going to be mean about it *Disapparates away*.
(3) *apparates back* *checks the coast is clear* I made that up. I've no idea what they were supposed to be covering in that particular class. *shrugs Sorry.
(4) I hope I caught a few people out there. I mean, come on. Did you really think I wouldn't make some description of the duel?
(5) Since the books didn't go into any detail about the rules of duelling, in my duelling rulebook, Animagi (would this even be the correct plural? Or would it be Animaguses?) are allowed to change into their Animagus form in duels. I hoped it would be an exciting addition.
(6) See the explanation of duelling terms and A.N. (2) in the previous chapter of this set of one-shots fanfics)
