Shoving his hands further into his pockets, and leaning back against the jeep, Mickey huddled against the cold. Even though Jackie had nagged him to pack for every eventuality, he still hadn't been prepared for the cold here. None of them had. None of them in a million years ever expected to find the Doctor in Norway. Deep down, they'd never expected to find the Doctor.
He could remember clearly the day Rose had told them of her dream. She'd been silent for weeks, growing paler and more withdrawn as each day passed. They'd all wished she'd say something, anything. When she did she only made them worry more.
"It was him. The Doctor." She spoke hesitantly, curled up in an old armchair in the cosy back lounge of Pete's house. The fire was blazing, and the colour tinged her cheeks a pretty flushed colour. She fiddled with the cuffs on her jumper like she always did when she was anxious, her blonde hair partially falling across her face, as she looked across at the three of them. The most unlikely family in the world, Mickey thought now, as he looked briefly either side of him. Pete, a man who had lost his wife years ago, had mourned and moved on. Jackie, who'd lost her husband even longer ago than that. Mickey, someone who'd run away from home. Rose….
Mickey loved having them all here again. Jackie had Pete, Pete had a proper family, Mickey had the love of his life back. But Rose… it tore Mickey apart to have to see, day after day, just how much Rose didn't want to be here. This was her family, her real family… or at least one of them was. But it wasn't the family she wanted anymore. She wanted him. Her Doctor. As much as Mickey loved her, and would always want her within reach, he knew he'd move heaven and earth if he could to find that man again. To let her go back and be the Rose Tyler of old.
And yet even he, when she first mentioned the dream, didn't want to believe it. He could remember seeing the worried look between Jackie and Pete, the unspoken words. She's delusional. They'd sat and listened quietly as she told her tale, of how he was calling her name.
"Rose, sweetie," Jackie began, her voice soft and gentle, like talking to a baby lamb. "Love, are you sure it's really him? Only sometimes, when we want something really badly, our mind plays tricks on us and…"
"I know what I heard, Mum." Rose's lip trembled threateningly. Tears filled in her eyes. "It was him, I know it was. He's waiting for me." She blinked the tears away and gazed up at the ceiling for a minute, trying to compose herself. She took a deep breath. She fixed them all with a fierce glare. "I'm not crazy."
"No, we never said you were!" Jackie said hastily. She glanced over at Pete again. "What… what do you think he wants you to do?"
"I don't think. I know." Mickey could see the change in her already. There was some of the old Rose back, some fight and fire and passion. Her muscles were practically tensing, ready for action. "He wants me to follow him. To find him."
Pete stirred uneasily. "Where is he?"
She shrugged.
"What are you going to do once you've found him?"
"I don't know!" Rose said irritably, struggling to keep her temper under control and her voice level. "I just need to do this."
Pete stared at her, this new daughter, for a few seconds before he nodded briefly and stood up. "Right. We better get packing then." Rose frowned, looking up at him. He smiled. "Well, you're not going on your own."
Mickey didn't remember having been asked to join the trip, or even a moment of hesitation on anyone's side. Mickey was part of all this, he belonged on the trip. He hadn't signed up when he got in the jeep, or in the hallway when he helped move the cases downstairs, or even when he was told the dream. It had all been decided a long time ago; the four of them were inseparable.
The journey was long. With only Rose's instinct to follow, they found themselves wavering all over the place. Mickey shared the driving with Pete. More than once Rose had exclaimed loudly, berating herself for not learning to drive. She wanted to get there now, to not waste any more time.
Sometimes they drove through the night, Mickey and Pete swapping places to let each other have a rest. Sometimes they stopped and stayed in a motel or small bed and breakfast. Somewhere cheap that didn't ask questions. Rose often went missing on these occasions, taking herself off for walks in the local area, lost in her thoughts. Of him. Mickey wanted to feel jealous, but that had all passed now. He wondered exactly when he'd realised that jealousy was a worthless feeling here, completely out of place. How could he be jealous of what Rose and the Doctor had had? Still did have. He couldn't hate the Doctor for taking Rose away; she'd wanted to. He couldn't hate Rose for leaving; she needed to. And he believed that she'd never meant it all to happen. But it had. And all he could do was watch his best friend suffer.
He tried to hold her hand sometimes, to give her some comfort. But she never left it there for long. She'd wriggle away, and look at him cautiously, and he knew why and couldn't feel hurt. Her hands belonged to him, the Doctor; only he was supposed to hold them. It would have been the ultimate betrayal to have held his hand.
One night Mickey followed Rose out on one of her walks. They had stopped for the night in a small town on the coast of Sweden. It was bitterly cold outside, but still Rose had insisted on disappearing. Jackie had been anxiously waiting for nearly an hour for her to return.
"It's dark!" she pointed out again, looking out the window. "She won't find her way back here."
"Jackie, love, calm down." Pete rubbed her shoulder in what was intended as a comforting gesture. Jackie angrily shrugged him off.
"Don't tell me to calm down!" she snapped, and Mickey instinctively moved a step backwards. "This is all your fault, you and your bright ideas! They never did get you anywhere!"
"That's a bit unfair, Jax."
"Is it? Is it?" Jackie turned on her husband with a vengeance. "It was your stupid idea to come here! Trying to be the father she never had, taking her places! She wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for you, you and your Torchwood!"
Mickey looked at Pete, wondering how he'd deal with an angry and upset Jackie Tyler.
Pete regarded his wife calmly and then spoke, softly. "If it wasn't for me," he said, "our daughter would be in hell right now."
Jackie's face fell and to Mickey's horror tears appeared in her eyes. She sat down heavily on the bed and put her head in her hands. She looked up again. "But she is, isn't she?" was all she'd say.
Mickey slipped out at that point, not sure where he was going. He walked towards the sea, inky-black in the moonlight. And it was there he found her, sitting looking out to sea. He sat down beside her. They didn't speak for a long time.
"Your mum's worried about you," Mickey said eventually.
Rose didn't take her eyes off the water. "I need some time on my own," she said.
Mickey nodded. "I know." He gestured towards the sea. "See anything good?"
Rose didn't reply immediately. Eventually she said, "No. I was wondering if… but no."
"Wondering what?"
She shook her head. "It's silly."
"So?"
Rose smiled, a brief lightness appearing on her face. "Good point. I was just thinking of the Chronicles of Narnia." Mickey looked at her incredulously. "Did you never read them?"
"Not really my thing." Mickey shrugged.
"When the lion, Aslan comes," Rose continued. "They always say he comes from over the sea. I just thought…"
He understood.
They sat in silence for a long time.
"Mickey?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you believe me?"
He didn't need to ask about what. "Yeah, 'course I do."
"No, really." Rose turned to him. "Really, Mickey. Do you?"
Mickey gave the matter a lot of thought. None of them had ever expressed any doubt out loud, but he'd seen Pete and Jackie exchange glances, and he'd thought it over thousands of times since they'd all piled into the jeep. Finally he said, "I believe you believe in it. That's good enough for me."
Rose looked out to sea again. "He seems so close somehow now, but still… so far." She sighed heavily. Standing up she held out her hand to Mickey, but pulled it away self-consciously before he took it. "Come on. We better go back."
They'd travelled from Sweden to Norway, following Rose's dream. Some days she was certain they were getting closer, and would lean forward eagerly, so that if he were driving, Mickey could feel her breath on the back of his neck. Sometimes she'd doubt what she was hearing in her mind and slump back, despondently gazing out at the grey gloom. At such times Jackie would begin rooting through the shoebox of tapes Pete kept underneath the passenger seat and produce such classics as Barry Manilow and Status Quo. Mickey was always relieved to be driving at times like these, as it gave him something to focus on. If Pete was driving, Mickey could do nothing but attempt to lighten the mood, before staring out the opposite side of the car to Rose.
They stopped for the night in Bergen on one such day, Rose quiet and unresponsive. Jackie, three months pregnant, declared she was starving, and proceeded to frog-march the whole strange family down to a café. Rose had reluctantly let her mother order a meal for her, and sat, playing with the sachets of salt and pepper on the table. Jackie tried to engage her in conversation, but failed and fell silent.
Pete let out a small laugh. They all looked up, all desperate for someone to bring some sense of joy back into life. They were miles from home, in a strange country, with only Rose's faith to follow. And now she seemed to have lost it.
"What's so funny?" Jackie demanded.
"Nothing." Pete shook his head. "I was just reading the local information." He gestured to the English translation of the local guidebook. "There's a beach about fifty miles from here called Dårlig Ulv Stranden." He struggled with the pronunciation. "It's Norwegian for 'Bad Wolf'. Who'd call somewhere Bad Wolf Bay?"
Rose had looked up at those words. "Give me that a minute." She reached across and grabbed the book out of his hands.
"Rose!" Jackie exclaimed, shocked at her daughter's manners. She'd have continued, Mickey was sure, if it wasn't for the change that had come across Rose's face. A huge smile spread into a grin and then suddenly she laughed. Mickey hadn't realised until that moment how long it had been since he'd heard Rose laugh. Maybe it was only when you got some things back that you even noticed you'd missed them.
"Bad Wolf!" Rose said excitedly, her features animated in a way they hadn't been for months. "It's Bad Wolf!" She turned to Mickey. "Mickey, don't you remember? Bad Wolf, the link back to the Doctor, the trail across the universe."
Mickey thought back. He frowned.
"When he sent me back, when I went back for him!" Rose tried again. "Mickey, come on! You drove a big yellow truck!"
He remembered. He looked at the book himself. Ever cautious he said carefully, "It could just be a coincidence."
"It's not, I know it's not!" Rose insisted. "Where is it? How long would it take to get there?" She was ready for action, itching to get back out there to show she hadn't given up on him.
But Pete was adamant. "Not tonight, Rose." Her face fell. "We'll stay here tonight. We'll start out tomorrow; we'll be there in a few hours. You need to rest," he said, but looked pointedly at Jackie as he spoke.
Rose finally nodded and sat back down.
They'd started out this morning, early, before the sun was properly up. Rose had barely said a word all morning, too excited to sit still and converse. She'd been out waiting by the car whilst everyone else was still getting dressed. Mickey had followed Pete and Jackie outside and heard their whispered conversation.
"What if he's not there?" Jackie asked anxiously. "What if… what if it is all in her head?"
"We'll deal with that if it happens." Pete lifted their suitcases. "Don't worry, Jax. She'll be okay."
So here they were, at last. The beach that Rose was so certain would lead her back to her Doctor. As she walked away, her hair swirling in the wind, Mickey wondered what would happen. Wondered what he wanted to happen. The Doctor had been very clear that this would be forever this time, that once on that side of the void, they wouldn't see him again. But it wouldn't be the first time he was wrong. And Mickey suddenly realised that he wanted the Doctor to be wrong, wanted Rose to get the ending she deserved. It would break Jackie's heart, and he'd hate to see her go, but Rose wanted nothing more than to be with this man. Mickey didn't want her to be let down.
Rose was a few hundred yards away when it happened. Shimmery at first and distant, he appeared. Mickey heard Jackie gasp next to him, but couldn't hold back the grin that spread across his face. It was him. He'd come back.
They were too far away for any of them to hear what passed between them. Mickey felt that old familiar stab of jealousy, but not for Rose anymore. It was the Doctor. He knew Rose wanted it more than him, needed to say some things to the Doctor. But so did he. Mickey had a million things he suddenly wanted to tell the Doctor. He wanted to tell him how much he'd hated him when he first met him. How much he'd destroyed him by taking Rose away. How stupid he'd looked with those ridiculous ears. He wanted to tease him for the time the world had been turned over to him to save, with the Doctor trapped in a boardroom in Downing Street. He wanted to vent his anger for the time at Christmas when he'd almost failed them. For making Rose feel so small when they met Sarah-Jane, and when he went after Reinette.
But he wanted to thank him too. Thank him for showing his girlfriend what he never could have dreamed of. For looking after her, for loving her. For taking him onboard and bringing him home. For being the Doctor.
Mickey felt Jackie move before the thought had even crossed his mind. He supposed that's what came of being a mother; you always knew when your children needed you. Rose was running blindly away from… nothing. He'd gone. Mickey didn't know what had happened. He wondered if he ever would. But even if he didn't, even if those few brief moments remained locked away in Rose's heart forever, he knew all this had been worth it. The journey, the heartache, everything… the Doctor was worth it all. Rose was worth it all.
He glanced at Pete. "Should we…?" he asked, gesturing towards where Rose was still sobbing on her mum's shoulder, in a way they'd never seen before. It was like all her walls had come down and she needed help to stand.
Pete looked at his wife and daughter, and shook his head. "No. Give them a bit of time." He rubbed at a scratch on the jeep's side.
"Do you think she'll be okay?"
Pete looked up. "Who, Rose?" He looked across the beach at her again. He smiled. "Rose Tyler. She'll be fine."
