Disclaimer: I don't own any characters blah blah blah owned by JK Rowling blah blah blah don't sue me.
Each chapter is a separate one-shot.
Summary: Everybody who went to school had a teacher they disliked. The teacher may have the unique ability to put students to sleep within two minutes of opening their mouths. Perhaps the teacher has a lackadaisical approach to the safety of the pupils. Maybe the teacher has an obsession with scaring the students with grim stories about their impending misfortune or death. Pupils dream of writing a letter of complaint to the school's Board of Governance and causing the hated teacher to be banished.
(A.N: I'm not getting into the obvious choices. Enough fanfics are written about how s* Professor Snape is, and there's a reason some fanfics give her the nickname of Umbitch, so I won't add to the rants on them. Instead, I'll try and bring up some points about some lesser criticised Professors)
Students Wrote Letters Of Complaint
To the Board of Governors,
I am writing to complain about the teaching abilities of Professor Cuthbert Binns, who teaches History of Magic.
Before our first lesson with Professor Binns, I was excited to learn about all that occurred in Wizarding Britain's past. As I come from a Muggle background, this was my first introduction to magical history. I was amazed when Professor Binns entered through the wall (I hadn't believed the rumours about Professor Binns being a ghost, dismissing it as nonsense made up by students).
I took notes during class, confused about what Uric the Oddball had to do with 1990's Britain, but willing to reserve judgement until Professor Binns moved on to a more recent period within the following few classes. However, the rest of the students didn't: some fell asleep, others talked to friends, and a few started homework assignments from previous classes.
While I wish they had paid attention, I, unfortunately, can't blame them. Professor Binns talked in the same tone of voice with no variation for the whole class, which is scientifically proven to increase boredom levels in children. I am not easily bored, having grown up listening to the prattlings of children I minded when their parents went out.
It is now almost Christmas, and Professor Binns has managed to move on to Emeric the Evil. I am concerned about my exams: at this rate, Professor Binns won't have moved on to the 1500s before we sit our O.W.L.s! I checked the old Ministry reports on O.W.L. and N.E.W.T. results since Professor Binns started teaching, and I am disappointed.
Professor Binns has taught almost 2000 students in his career. Over 80% failed their History of Magic O.W.L., and only three students got an O. When I sent out two letters (the third person died thirty years ago) asking how they did it, both wrote about ignoring Professor Binns and self-studying with the textbook. Professor Binns taught five students at N.E.W.T. Level, the most recent of which was almost 84 years ago. None passed. (1)
My education is important to me. Hogwarts is a beautiful school, with some of the best teachers. It also has some of the wordst, who should be fired and replaced with someone more capable to give students the information to pass their exams. I hope you can rectify this as soon as possible.
Yours faithfully,
Hermione Granger,
1st December 1991.
Page break
Dear Father,
I want that half-breed oaf fired! He's a menace! His Hippogriff mauled me during class when the oaf's attention was focused on Potter. The oaf practically egged it on! I almost died! Madam Pomfrey patched me back together, but my arm was in a sling for weeks afterwards.
I shall, of course, send an account of what happened. It shouldn't be too hard for you to persuade your fellow Board members to have the oaf removed and a proper teacher installed. Failing that, I'll settle for the beast being killed. Didn't you mention you have an acquaintance working in the Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures?
Tell Mother I said hello, and that I'm settling back in.
Yours sincerely,
Draco,
7th November 1993
Page break
Dear Board of Governors,
Please! I beg you! Please fire Professor Sybill Trelawney!
She's useless! She predicted Harry Potter's death before the end of the first class! He was in a bad mood until Professor McGonagall said Trelawney predicted the death of a student every year, none of whom ever died when or how she said they would. During a class when we were studying Palmistry, she flinched whenever she looked at Harry's hands.
She's supposed to have inherited the gift of Sight from her great-great-grandmother (or some other relative), but I've never heard her predict anything. During one class, she even managed to forget Harry's birthday was on July 31st, asking him if he was born in late December!
Once again, I beg that Professor Trelawney is fired. Her class is horrible; everyone's scared they will be next on the "Gruesome Deaths" list, and only a (very) small number of students enjoy her teaching style.
Ronald Weasley,
15th March 1994
.
Page break
To the esteemed Board of Governors,
I am writing to inform you about Professor Lupin's monthly condition. He's a werewolf.
We were informed this morning by our Head of House. Professor Snape held a House Meeting to tell us. Naturally, I decided to let you know about this terrifying piece of news.
A werewolf was teaching us! He could have infected us! True, Professor Snape said he had to make monthly draughts of the Wolfsbane potion, but still! We were in mortal danger for the year, and no one informed us!
Why was Dumbledore able to hire a werewolf as a teacher? The filthy mutt shouldn't have been allowed to be a student at Hogwarts, never mind return almost twenty years later to teach! It's a disgrace that this once mighty, respectable establishment now stoops so low as to allow the dregs in!
I hope to hear back soon on whether my letter is enough incentive to fire the werewolf.
Yours,
Pansy Parkinson,
30th June 1994.
To the esteemed Board of Governors,
I am writing to inform you that the werewolf resigned his post yesterday morning, less than three hours after sending my previous letter. Would you please ignore the first three paragraphs of my last correspondence?
Yours,
Pansy Parkinson,
31st June 1994
.
Page break
To the Board of Governors,
I don't usually write letters of complaint, but I'm making an exception this time. I know Mad-Eye Moody was a decorated Auror who caught many Death Eaters and lost his left eye, part of his left leg and a chunk of his nose during his time as an Auror. He deserves his retirement, but I was happy to hear that he had left retirement for a year as a favour for Dumbledore.
If my memory serves me right, using an Unforgivable Curse earns the user (to quote something Professor Moody himself said) "a one-way ticket to Azkaban". I would guess most of the people Professor Moody put in Azkaban used at least one of them. Imagine my surprise and horror about what happened in our first class.
When he entered the classroom, Professor Moody told us to put away our books. We were excited, as this meant it was going to be a practical class. He knew we had studied dark creatures but commented we were behind on dark curses. I know the Ministry doesn't want us to see the curses (Professor Moody commented). Still, Dumbledore and Professor Moody decided he should show us the curses because "the sooner you know what you're up against, the better". I was excited, but that feeling fled when I realised Professor Moody taught us about the Unforgivable Curses.
Professor Moody had three spiders in a jar and put them on his table. He asked if anyone knew anything about the Unforgivables, and he picked Ron Weasley, who said his dad had mentioned the Imperius Curse. Professor Moody commented that "your father would know all about that one" before he cast the Imperius Curse on one of the spiders (this is his first life sentence for casting an Unforgivable), making it dance around his table.
When Professor Moody asked for more volunteers, he picked me and when I muttered, "the Cruciatus Curse", he brought me up to the front of the classroom and cast it on the second spider (his second life sentence). I was terrified (that curse was the reason I'm living with my Gran), and it wasn't until Hermione Granger told Professor Moody to stop that he realised its effect on me. I don't know why Professor Moody brought me up to the table - he knew what had happened to my parents as they were all Aurors at the same time. He told me to sit back down and asked Hermione if she wanted to say the third curse. When she shook her head, he turned back to his desk and cast the Killing Curse on the third spider (his third life sentence).
Professor Moody commented it was thought to be unsurvivable, and the only exception was sitting in front of him. Harry blushed when everyone looked at him and stared at the blackboard. Maybe he was thinking about how his parents had died from that curse.
During the second class, Professor Moody cast the Imperius Curse on all of us so we'd know "what it feels like" (add another 15 life sentences onto his total).
Hermione was the only person to comment on this illegality but backed down when Professor Moody said she could leave and wait until she was in a duel to experience it if she wanted. When Professor Moody realised Harry Potter was the only one who could attempt to resist the Imperius, he insisted on casting it on Harry a further four times until he could throw off the curse's influence. This rounds off the number of life sentences to 22.
A few days before the first Defence Against the Dark Arts class, Draco Malfoy insulted Ron's father. While Harry and Hermione were restraining Ron, Harry insulted Draco's mother. Draco attempted to curse Harry while his back was turned but only grazed his face. As Harry was turning around, Professor Moody intervened, Transfiguring Draco into a ferret. When Draco (as a ferret) attempted to run away, Professor Moody proceeded to levitate him into the air, drop him and bounce him off the ground.
His justification for this? "I don't like people who attack when their opponents back's turned", continuing by calling it a "Stinking, cowardly, scummy thing to do". He stopped when Professor McGonagall intervened, Transfiguring Draco back into human form, who had sustained injuries during his short span as a ferret.
When McGonagall asked if the Headmaster had told him Transfiguration on a student wasn't an acceptable punishment, Professor Moody replied, "He might've mentioned it," as if it was a throwaway occurrence.
Furthermore, I witnessed two people mention this event or pretend to see Professor Moody when Draco was acting up as a scare tactic. I may not be Draco's biggest fan, but I think there's a reason terrible behaviour is punishable by detention, not by human Transfiguration. It might be a good idea to find a new Professor before the end of the year.
Regards,
Neville Longbottom,
20th October 1994
.
Page break
All correspondence into and out of Hogwarts has been monitored per Educational Decree No. 47 on the behest of the High Inquisitor Dolores Umbridge. Ninety-four outgoing letters and 0 incoming letters have been recommended for destruction due to their inciting of rebellious behaviour against the High Inquisitor. 89 of the 94 letters were heading to the Board of Governors as complaints against the High Inquisitor and calling for her immediate dismissal. The remaining five letters called for Professor Snape's dismissal before the end of the year. (2) All of these letters were destroyed.
Signed: Dolores Jane Umbridge, Hogwarts High Inquisitor.
Date: 21st February 1996.
Page break
To the Hogwarts Board of Governors,
I know you're wondering why I'm writing to you after I graduated. You may think Hogwarts no longer has anything to do with me, and I should go back to my day job of being famous.
Well, tough.
I'm writing now because until recently, I didn't have all the information necessary to give a detailed description of the incidents caused or ignored by this Professor. Yes, I know he's dead, and yes, I know most of the Wizarding World thinks the sun shines out of this man's ar- er, derrière, but it doesn't. Albus Dumbledore was a flawed human, after all. A man who lives to over 150 years of age may accumulate a lot of experience and knowledge, but he has a long time to get set in his ways.
When the Headmaster was a Professor, he went to a Muggle orphanage to deliver a Hogwarts letter to one of the boys there. The boy was a half-blood whose mother had stumbled into the orphanage one rainy evening during her labour. After giving birth, she named the boy before promptly dying. The boy had lived there ever since, but he always felt different - special, even. When Dumbledore delivered his letter, the boy required a demonstration of magic before he believed him. Refusing any offer of help to find Diagon Alley, the boy accepted money from the school fund, and Dumbledore was about to walk out the door when the boy let slip his secret.
Perhaps he wished to be more than the only wizard in the orphanage. Maybe he wanted to tell someone who he thought would understand. Either way, when Dumbledore heard the boy's secret, any friendliness vanished, and the man would leave behind a boy determined to prove himself the best he could be.
He succeeded. The boy's name was Tom Marvolo Riddle, and the secret was he could speak to snakes.
We'll never know if his fate could have been changed had Dumbledore reacted differently. The boy would later make his first kill at 16 (blaming it on and causing the expulsion of another student), cause the deaths of hundreds, order the deaths of hundreds more and create seven Horcruxes.
Yes, I'm saying I pity him. I, too, have felt the need to belong to something. To have that feeling ripped away may have been the push that sent Lord Voldemort over to the Dark Side.
Jumping forward in time to when my parents and their friends were in school, the tragedies caused by Dumbledore continue.
My mother had one main friend in Hogwarts, but we'll get to him later on. My father had three friends: Sirius Black (my godfather), Peter Pettigrew (the man who betrayed my parents) and Remus Lupin (who had a "furry little problem"). Remus Lupin was bitten by Fenrir Greyback when he was young during the full moon, turning him into a werewolf.
While half of me admires Dumbledore for ignoring prejudices and allowing Remus to attend Hogwarts, the other half is forced to remember this was pre-Wolfsbane Potion. Every month, Remus would walk down to the Whomping Willow, touch a particular spot on the trunk to freeze the thrashing branches, and walk through a concealed tunnel to the Shrieking Shack where he would transform (and starting the rumours about its hauntedness, which Dumbledore encouraged).
The rest of his friends realised what was happening, and far from running screaming for the hills, they rallied around Remus. They supported him so much they managed to become (unregistered) Animagi during their fifth year so they could accompany him on his moonlit wanderings.
Dumbledore is supposed to be all-knowing. I don't know whether that's true, but I do know you'd have to be pretty ignorant not to notice three students trying to turn into an animal right under your nose. Or maybe he did know about it, but let it happen anyway. I don't know which would be the better option: Dumbledore was ignorant of everything going on under his nose, or he turned a blind eye, risking their safety if something went wrong during the process.
Remus's friends weren't the only students to realise the truth behind his "furry little problem". Lily's friend, a clever Slytherin who James and his friends bullied, got suspicious when he saw Remus being escorted to the Whomping Willow by Madam Pomfrey one full moon. He began asking questions, and Sirius Black decided to "play a little prank" on him. Sirius told him about the correct spot on the Whomping Willow to freeze the branches, told him about the secret tunnel underneath, and told him to go down and see for himself the next time Remus went down…
He survived. Upon hearing what Sirius told the Slytherin to do, James ran down to the Whomping Willow and pulled the Slytherin from the tunnel, but not before seeing Remus's werewolf form. James didn't save the Slytherin due to an attack of his conscience. I think he did it because he thought, "not even my enemy deserves to die like this", or it could have been he didn't want Sirius in Azkaban and Remus put down if Remus had killed the Slytherin.
After he had recovered, the Slytherin went to Dumbledore, sure that James, Sirius, Remus or a combination thereof would be expelled. Who could blame him? He almost died due to "a little prank" set up by Sirius, and he felt delighted the bullies would soon be gone. Had anyone else been Headmaster, they would have agreed with the Slytherin. When I found out about it, I agreed with him.
However, Dumbledore had been known to favour Gryffindors, and the Slytherin was appalled when they only got a month's worth of detention. Furthermore, the Slytherin was told to keep his mouth shut about the whole affair. I don't think I'm wrong when I say this contributed to Severus Snape's lifelong hatred of James, Sirius and Remus.
A few years later, when the Prophecy about Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort came out during the War, Dumbledore put security measures on the Potter household, ignoring the number of other lives he could have saved if he did the same for as many as possible. One of those protective measures was the Fidelias Charm. The first choice of Secret Keeper was Sirius Black, but he convinced James and Lily to change it to Peter Pettigrew, reasoning no one would suspect Peter. James and Lily picked Peter (ignoring Dumbledore's offer to be Secret Keeper), and we all know how well that turned out.
I am curious, however, about why the Potters were hiding in Godric's Hollow. James Potter came from a long line of pureblood witches and wizards, and most purebloods have a family manor, with wards keyed to let in only those the occupant wishes. Why did they forego the familial protection of the Manor to live in a house on the same street as the previous home of Albus Dumbledore?
When Sirius was caught, he was thrown into Azkaban quicker than you can say, "Maybe we should hold a trial", ignoring usual Ministry protocol. Sirius would remain in Azkaban until he escaped after seeing Peter Pettigrew's Animagus form on Ron Weasley's shoulder in the Daily Prophet. I find Dumbledore's temporary amnesia notable when it came to telling the Ministry that Sirius wasn't the Potter's Secret Keeper. Maybe he was starting to get doddery in his old age?
At the same time, Dumbledore was taking on the role of Child Protection services (which is supposed to be done by making the child a ward of the Ministry. So technically, Dumbledore kidnapped Harry.) by dumping Harry Potter on the doorstep of his aunt, who wasn't a big fan of magic. From what little I've heard about Lily, I don't think she'd have wanted her son sent to live with someone who hated magic, even if that person was her sister.
I am also curious about the lack of will reading for Lily and James Potter. If they had enough time to arrange security measures and go into hiding, they had time to write a will, even if it left most of their assets to Harry. On the other hand, there could have been a grain of truth to the rumours I heard about Dumbledore ordering their wills sealed. (3)
Harry Potter stayed at his aunt's and uncle's house for almost sixteen years, leaving the house behind days before his seventeenth birthday. He spent his first ten years in the house with the cupboard under the stairs as his bed, which only changed when the Dursleys received a letter from Hogwarts addressed to "Mr H. Potter, The Cupboard Under The Stairs".
Harry was also emotionally and physically abused, starved, locked up in his cupboard for days or weeks at a time as punishment (often without food). He was used as a punching bag by his Muggle cousin and treated worse than a house-elf (he was forced to do all the cooking, cleaning, household and outdoor chores around the house).
Yet, despite Harry almost begging to not have to go back during the summer holidays, Dumbledore made him. Even though (see memory number 1) he mentioned that Harry was "neither as happy or as well-nourished" as he would have liked when he came to Hogwarts in his first year. Dumbledore had a duty of care to his students, and he failed in the three notable cases of Tom Riddle, Severus Snape and Harry Potter.
Everyone knows first years aren't allowed to play Quidditch. This gives Muggleborn and children raised in the Muggle world a chance to catch up skill-wise with those raised in the Wizarding world, and it allows them to build up some ability to deal with members of the opposing team colliding with them in mid-air. Yet Harry Potter, a first-year who was small for his age, was allowed to play in direct opposition to the rules preventing this. Professor McGonagall may have requested Harry to be let play, but it was up to Dumbledore to prevent this, which he didn't.
Gringotts Bank is known to be the safest place to leave valuables. In its 524 years of operation, Gringotts has had two attempted robberies, only one of which was successful. Yet, the Headmaster moves the Philosopher's stone from its vault in Gringotts to Hogwarts, where it was given the best security measures a group of first years could beat. No, that wasn't due to the Professors tasked with coming up with protection methods being lazy. It was due to Dumbledore ordering the deliberately lacklustre security measures.
The reason behind the shoddy defences? Well, it was all part of Dumbledore's Master Plan, of which others were allowed minimal (if any) knowledge.
During the following year, the Chamber of Secrets was reopened for the first time in 50 years. Since only the Heir of Slytherin could open the Chamber, and once Harry showed he was a Parselmouth during a duel, everyone reckoned he was the Heir. The Professors (and Dumbledore), along with a minority of the students, knew otherwise, yet Dumbledore allowed the students to believe a lie. Why would he let the majority of the students believe a lie and spread rumours about one student?
Also, why did it take until four students, one cat, and one ghost were petrified, and one student was brought into the Chamber of Secrets before Dumbledore thought of closing Hogwarts and sending the students home for their safety?
Two years later, Hogwarts hosted the Triwizard Tournament. Beauxbatons' champion was Fleur Delacour, Duemstrang's was Viktor Krum, and Hogwarts' was Cedric Diggory. Then Hogwarts, despite an age limit of 17 being set for all champions, managed to get Harry Potter as a second champion, despite being 14 years old. Why didn't Dumbledore object to Harry competing? Shouldn't Dumbledore have tried to figure out how Harry's name managed to cross the Age Line he'd erected?
Why did Dumbledore hire four Defence Against the Dark Arts Professors who wanted to harm or hinder students? Or, to be more precise, harm or hinder Harry Potter? Professor Quirrel was possessed by Lord Voldemort for a whole year, tried to kill Harry, and no one suspected anything. Professor Lockhart was a fraud who tried to Obliviate Harry and Ron Weasley when they realised but, due to Lockhart using Ron's wand, which backfired, Obliviated himself and spent the rest of his days in the Janus Thicknesse Ward in St. Mungos.
Barty Crouch Jnr (a Death Eater) spent a whole year drinking Polyjuice Potion to look like Mad-Eye Moody, cast the Unforgivables on three spiders, Imperio'd a group of fourth years, and no one thought that was unusual or unexpected. He also put Harry Potter's name in the Goblet of Fire and turned the cup into a Portkey, which transported Harry and Cedric to Voldemort's revival party, which resulted in Cedric's death.
Dolores Umbridge turned Hogwarts into a (slightly nicer) version of Azkaban, gave students Veritaserum for no reason, and almost Crucio'd a student. Yet Dumbledore abandoned Hogwarts at the first sign of a threat to his safety. Why did the Headmaster not remove the sub-standard Professors from their post before they caused too much of a negative impact on the students?
Sirius Black died two years ago, at the end of the school year in June. Yet, it took Dumbledore over one month to come to where Harry was staying and tell him Sirius left him his house and house-elf. What I find curious about Harry's apparent inheritance was the lack of money. The Black family was an old pureblood family with connections, and with connections comes coffers. Sirius Black also left Harry his pet Hippogriff (4), but Harry allowed Hagrid to take care of him. I find it hard to believe Sirius wouldn't leave Harry some of the Black fortune, so where did the money go? Could someone have appropriated it for their own use?
Why did Harry find out about Sirius's will after it had been read out? Harry was old enough and able to go to a will reading, so why wasn't he informed about it? In the Muggle world, will readings can't occur until all the people in the will can attend the reading. I thought it would be the same in the Wizarding world, but I was mistaken. Could someone have attended the reading with a note they claim is from Harry Potter, letting them attend in his stead?
Also, why did the Headmaster visit a student during the summer holidays (it's a bit inappropriate) to tell them what they inherited from their dead godfather (I thought that's the job of the deceased's lawyer)? Then why did he use the student to encourage a retired teacher to come out of retirement and accept a job at the school? It's like pimping out a student. Find me an occasion where that happened at any other Wizarding school during the lifetime of Dumbledore, and I'll give everyone on the Board 1000 Galleons.
As you can see from the letter, Dumbledore wasn't the pinnacle of Light Wizards. Since (as I mentioned at the start of this letter) Dumbledore is dead, I'm not going to ask you to fire him. Instead, I'm going to ask you to remove posthumously his title of Headmaster.
Yours sincerely,
Harry Potter,
10th July 1998
(Later published in the Daily Prophet)
Críochnaithe
(A.N: I hope you enjoyed this weird, plot-less fanfic. I used a mix of the books and the movies, sometimes within the same letter, so don't be surprised if you recognise some quotes or situations in the letters.
(1) I made this paragraph up. It wouldn't surprise me if all these stats were accurate, though.
(2) Even Harry mentioned in OotP that he never thought he'd hate a teacher more than Snape, but Umbridge managed to come first, so I reckoned others would hate her enough to want her fired more than they want Snape kicked out.
(3) This pops up in some fanfics I've read. I put it in here because there isn't enough evidence to remove it from the realm of possibility. *shrugs* Sorry if you disagree.
(4) Before someone tries to beat the head off me, the Board of Governors wouldn't be too happy that the Hippogriff mentioned was the same one that should have died three years ago. Therefore, the person writing the letter would gloss over that fact and make it seem like Sirius had acquired one as a pet.)
(Edit 04/06/2021: After I published this fanfic, I came across a Quora article about how the Dursleys treated Harry should be taken, rather than brushed over. It makes for an interesting read, if anyone's interested. The link is below, delete the spaces:- childabuseharrypotter. quora Child- Abuse- in- Harry- Potter
