Disclaimer: I don't own any characters blah blah blah owned by JK Rowling blah blah blah don't sue me.

Summary: Harry dies during the duel between Dumbledore and Voldemort at the Ministry of Magic. Being dead helps Harry realise a few things, and he dictates his Will to the Goblins. To use a muggle phrase, the s*t hits the fan at his will reading a few weeks later. Told from the POV of someone who never expected to be there, how will this one event affect the Wizarding World?

AU (Alternative Universe) after the first couple of paragraphs, characters acting slightly OOC (Out Of Character), some character bashing.

Harry's Will Gets Read Out?

HE (1) was surprised at the number of people here. The Wizarding World had gone into mourning after The-Boy-With-Hyphens had walked in between Dumbledore and Lord Voldemort's duel in the Ministry and suffered a fatal case of body meeting fiery snake. Naturally, the "body" was little more than ashes by the time the combatants declared a truce. Voldemort had celebrated, Dumbledore had (almost) cried, and many "friends" turned eager eyes in the direction of the Potter Vaults.

A week later, here HE was, sitting in a room in Gringotts sealed against magic and all magical items removed before everyone was allowed to enter. HE ignored the murmur of the other hopeful inheritors and settled HIMSELF in for a long day, idly noting Dumbledore's beard being shaved by a goblin axe to remove a hidden Portkey.

A Goblin stood up, and the cliques of people took a minute to stop talking. "We are here for the last Will and Testament of Lord Harry James Potter-Black. As Lord Sirius Orion Black died minutes before him and declared Mr Potter-Black his heir, there is more to get through. The Will has been checked for tampering and has been declared valid. Anyone unhappy with their inheritance can contest the Will but will probably walk away with nothing. Mr Potter-Black's portrait will be brought in to read out his Will".

HE watched as two goblins carried in the painting, wondering why the artist had left off his infamous scar. The others in the room either cried, moaned, whispered to one another or panicked. Harry crossed his arms, managing to look imposing even inside a painting.

"Right, shut it, and let's get this show on the road," he declared, ignoring the pureblood's confusion. "Last Will and Testament yadda yadda of sound mind when I wrote this blah blah blah any other Wills in my name are declared invalid. Now, let's get on with the fun, shall we?" Harry was rubbing his hands together in… was that glee? HE had a feeling that there would be a few surprises coming. Harry picked up a hat from the bottom of the painting and swirled it around before picking a piece of paper out.

"Right, Andromedia. You were kicked out of the Black family for marrying a Muggleborn. As head of the Black Family (for all of five minutes), I reinstate you as a Black, and your daughter Nymphodora (you can't tell me off now!) can use Black for her surname if she wishes. To celebrate, I leave you any of the Black Family jewellery that's left after the Goblins have checked it for curses". Harry smiled when Andromedia burst into tears at her turn of fortune, burying her head in her husband's shoulders. HE could see the daughter was close to helping her mother to create a new lake within Gringotts.

"Dobby, I leave you 1,000 Galleons to buy as many odd socks, hats and whatever else your heart desires. You were a great elf who helped me out, and I would hope you'll be able to convince Winky to give up the Butterbeer at some point. Maybe you could ask Hermione about some Alcoholics Anonymous meetings".

The elf burst into loud, wailing sobs while blowing his nose on the cloth he used as a jumper. HE saw a female house-elf pop into the room and, from her slight weaving, surmised this was the alcoholic mentioned earlier.

"Moony, your inheritance is on the condition that you leave Dumbledore and his Group of Cooked Chickens. You also have to swear an oath to not willingly help them unless it's a life or death situation. I'm giving you all the clothes from the Black male wardrobes, the Potter cottage in Trinidad where you can transform in peace, any books about Defence Against the Dark Arts in the Black and Potter libraries, and 500,000 Galleons. Oh, and you'll be pleased to know if you have children, the worst that could happen is they have a preference for rare meat, so find yourself someone to spend the rest of your life with. Life is far too short - just look at me and my life!"

HE noticed Dumbledore looked annoyed as the werewolf swore the required oath without hesitation, laughing and crying simultaneously. HE wondered how many others would be jumping ships today.

Dumbledore chuckled. "I'm sure Harry is channelling his father and making a joke. He surely doesn't require you to leave the Order to gain your inheritance-". "But I DO require that oath, Dumbledore. In fact, several other people will need to swear that oath if they want to gain their inheritances, along with a few other conditions. As for channelling my father, I hate bullies. My cousin and his friends used to beat me up every day, thanks to YOU dumping me on my Aunt's doorstep at the start of November with only a blanket and a letter. What my father did to Professor Snape was atrocious, and I would formally like to apologise to him. Furthermore, I will say that, had he been sitting in this room today, I would implore him to apologise also".

Everyone in the room turned to the corner where Severus was standing. He was caught with his masks down; his expression was one of complete shock. He swallowed, nodded towards the painting, and a barely audible, "I accept your apology" was heard. HE saw Dumbledore's ever-present twinkle had vanished.

Reaching back into the hat, Harry pulled out a further three slips of paper, glanced at the first, and laughed. "This one, I have been looking forward to. Bellatrix Black, as punishment for killing the Lord of House Black, your marriage contract is nullified, and all goods in your personal Vault will be emptied. Its contents will be given to a randomly selected Muggleborn witch or wizard, and you will be sent back to your old cell in Azkaban. Aurors, if you wouldn't mind…"

Ignoring the mad shrieks of the reincarcerated convict, he continued. "Neville, I'm going to ask you to take the same oath as Remus to gain your inheritance-" he paused to allow Neville to state the oath "- thank you. You will be given all books on herbology from the Potter libraries, 100,000 Galleons, and I recommend you use Gringotts facilities to test for potions in your system. I think there may be a Magic Dampener and Loyalty to Dumbledore potion, from the few spells I cast at you. In fact, I recommend everybody use Gringotts facilities".

HE heard Dumbledore try to protest, Neville try to attack him, and the Goblins chanting. A list appeared in the air above their heads: one column had the heading "Loyalty to Dumbledore"; the second had "Anger towards Harry"; and the final was labelled "Miscellaneous", with a list of other potions in people's systems. HE was happy to not see HIS name on any of the lists. "Anyone wanting to remove the potions in them, please queue up. The cost of potions extraction has already been paid by Mr Potter-Black". Almost everyone got up to remove the potions: the few remaining seated were lucky enough to have no potions in their systems. As the potions were removed, their names vanished off the list. When everyone was seated, the goblin stood back against the wall, and Harry continued.

"I bet most of you are surprised at the number of potions in everyone's systems. I'm not. Had I been alive to have that chant affect me, it would have shown multiple Magic Dampeners', Loyalty to Dumbledores', Hatred towards Slytherins', Loyalty to Gryffindors', and a few other Miscellaneous potions. Thankfully, Professor Snape removed them and performed a partial Obliviate on himself so Dumbledore couldn't Legilimens the memory of having done so out of him. Thank you for that, Professor Snape".

HE watched in amusement as Dumbledore's grandfatherly facade started to slip. "As I was Lord of House Back, I order Kreacher -" crack to change the wards allowing members of the Order of the Phoenix. I then order you to burn 12 Grimmauld Place to the ground, along with everything inside. You are not to try to remove or save anything from the fire. These are your final orders, and when finished, you shall return to be let go for the crime of helping to kill your Master. Do it now!"

After a few seconds of trying to get around the orders, Kreacher wailed and disappeared with another crack. A minute later, he reappeared, smelling of smoke and with tears streaming down his face. He didn't see the goblin axe swinging towards the back of his neck. Most of the witches and some of the wizards screamed in horror. "I don't know what you're yelling about. He was responsible for the death of his Master, the punishment for which is death. According to the Ministry laws, I could have been a lot harsher to him, but I granted him the mercy of a quick death," muttered Harry.

HIS eyebrows rose. This was not the Golden Boy hero everyone had expected Harry to be. This was a soldier, ready to take the necessary path to ensure victory. He wouldn't want to follow Dumbledore's approach "for the Greater Good''. HE took perverse amusement in Dumbledore's horror-stricken face and was more amused when Harry ignored him. Is today "Ignore Dumbledore Day"? HE thought. If it is, it should become a yearly occurrence.

"Narcissa, you get a choice. Whether you choose to accept or deny my proposal, you will inherit 50,000 Galleons. If you want, I can dissolve your marriage contract. It would mean you no longer have access to the Malfoy Vaults. He may try to take custody of Draco, but I will make it a condition that the next Lord of House Black has to look after you financially," Harry declared, looking at the shocked woman.

"May the goblins erect a Privacy Ward around myself and Draco? We need to discuss this," enquired Narcissa. Harry glanced at the goblin, who nodded and erected a bubble around them. After a few minutes of conversation, while quite a few confused looks were cast around the room by the others, she motioned for the bubble to be removed. "I accept, on the condition that the new Lord of House Black agrees to adopt Draco, thus taking him out of the reach of Lucius," she answered.

Harry sniggered, and HE wondered what the boy had planned. The new Head of Black would be amenable to adopting Draco if the boy's almost evil cackles were to be believed. "Oh, you won't need to worry about THAT. The new Lord will be emancipated automatically, so will be able to legally stop Mr Malfoy from coming after Draco, on that you have my word," he assured her.

Looking confused, Narcissa nodded in agreement. Harry pulled more paper out of his hat and turned towards the next recipient. "Hermione, you were a great friend. You always stuck by me, and I'm sorry that I didn't appreciate you enough when I was alive. I bet you noticed the potions in your system and who they pertained to. Hopefully, this is enough to make you realise that not all people in positions of authority can be trusted. I would still like you to swear the same oath as Remus, with the added addendum to not share anything with any of the Weasleys as they shall be getting their own inheritance," he stated.

HE snickered as the girl managed to swear the oath through her sobs. The way things were turning out, Dumbledore's Order of bird lovers would have less than 10 members by the end of the day. HE was annoyed to notice the greed crossing the two youngest and mother Weasley's faces. Looks like they were close to the boy to be closer to Harry's money, (MAKE SURE THIS IN ITALICS, THEN DELETE THIS PART) he mused.

"I leave you the Potter Château de Chambord (2) in the Loire Valley, for you and your parents to spend your holidays in, or to move into permanently. Along with 1,000,000 Galleons and whatever books remain in the Potter libraries after I've finished giving them to other people for inheritances, as long as you don't mind allowing access to the new Head of House Potter. The Goblins told me you are likely to get over 500,000 books - even you won't be able to read them all," Harry declared with a grin. It changed to nervousness when Hermione burst into renewed sobs, but she managed to nod.

"Luna, you accompanied me to the Ministry when you didn't have to. You didn't know Sirius Black from Stubby Boardman, but you still came. I hope you don't mind swearing the same oath as Remus, after which I leave you books on magical creatures from the Potter library, 100,000 Galleons, and a mansion in Brazil, in the hopes you get to see some of the creatures you always talk about".

After Luna swore the oath, she stuck her wand behind her ear. "That's nice of you, Harry. It's nice to see you without the Wrackspurts hovering around your head. It will be nice to talk to you without anyone influencing you. Maybe you can come visit me in Brazil, and we can go exploring together".

While everyone else managed a strained laugh, Harry's face went white, along with HIS. She can't be… no, she isn't… she must have completely lost it, HE tried to reassure HIMSELF. Luna started waving her hands through the air and, after a few seconds to collect himself, Harry glanced down at the next piece of paper in his hand.

"Nymphadora - and you can't give out to me for using your full name now - you know the drill by now. Your oath?" After a few seconds of thought, she gave it. "Thank you. You were automatically reinstated into the Black family when your mother was, so I will leave you any books on metamorphmagi in the Potter library - I believe there are less than 100, unfortunately - and 100,000 Galleons. Enjoy yourself".

HE was getting fed up with all the crying females bawling at top volume. However, HIS annoyance was tempered with the annoyance changing to anger on Dumbledore's face. Of the people HE recognised that had yet to inherit anything, only six weren't in his bird-watching club - the two youngest Weasleys, the Weasley who worked in the Ministry, Draco, a cloaked person standing in the corner, and HIMSELF. Everyone who had inherited anything so far had seemed to not mind leaving the Club, and the number of members was steadily decreasing.

"Draco, first of all, I would like to apologise for not accepting your friendship. My only excuse is the people I had met before turned me off Slytherins, and when you said you wanted to go to Slytherin, I didn't want to upset my first friends ever. I wish I had listened to the Sorting Hat and let it sort me into Slytherin-".

He was interrupted by the shouts of shock from almost everyone. The Slytherins were contemplating what it would have been like to have the Boy-With-Hyphens in their House, while the younger and mother Weasleys were declaring Harry to be Dark and a slimy snake. Dumbledore looked like someone had told him Voldemort had been voted Kindest Person In The World, and the rest were thinking after their initial exclamations. It wasn't until one of the Goblin guards slammed the butt of his axe against the floor that silence returned to the room.

"Unlike the others, the oath I want you to swear requires you to not join, help or finance either the Order or the Death Eaters. I can promise you that if you swear the oath, part of your inheritance will include a safe house with the Fidelius Charm cast in case you or your mother needs to get away from anyone," Harry stated encouragingly. Draco thought for a minute, then stood and swore the oath.

"Good. You will have to study your politics, as I made you my Heir to House Black. Since I'm dead, you are the new Head. You are emancipated, can represent House Black in the Wizengamot, and will have to look after your mother financially. You also inherit 50,000 Galleons from the Potter Vaults. Any money I bequeathed to people in my will came from the Potter Vaults. The Black Vaults haven't been touched in years and, at their last evaluation, held over 50,000,000 Galleons".

Harry smiled at the shock and happiness on Draco's face as Narcissa hugged him. Turning towards one of the figures standing in the corner, he sighed.

"Professor, I've already apologised for everything my father did to you. To show my sincerity, I formally declare the Life Debt owed to James and inherited by me void. So mote it be". Light surrounded the painting and Severus. When it cleared, he appeared years younger, and some of the lines on his face had disappeared. "Now, if you want, I will remove the tattoo on your left arm that you have regretted ever getting. I made sure the Goblins knew about this beforehand, and you can't see or hear any of their reactions, though the opposite isn't true," Harry stated.

HE wanted to hex the others into silence, as everyone else decided to state their opinions on the matter as loudly as possible. Dumbledore and a hooded man were the loudest of the bunch.

For once, Severus's face lost its habitual sneer: for the first time in almost fifteen years, hope was laid bare on his face. HE reckoned the man had thought he would die with the mark of his most profound regret on his arm, never allowing himself to dream of its removal. "H… How?" Severus queried.

"Voldemort used Parselmagic to apply the Dark Mark. as I speak Parseltongue, I can remove it. From what I read, the removal will be more painful than its application. Take your time in deciding-". He was interrupted by Severus thrusting his arm towards the painting in his eagerness. "Get rid of it. Please!" Harry stared at him for a minute, then gestured towards the goblin with a muttered, "Pain-relief". The man popper opened the cork, sniffed, then downed the potion with a nod before handing the empty vial back to the goblin.

Everyone finally stopped shouting their opinions and stared at the painting. What sounded like hissing, but HE knew it was Parseltongue, emanated from the picture and the man stiffened up with his teeth gritted. The snake on his arm tried to fight back (with painful consequences for Severus), but after five minutes of hissing which got progressively louder, the snake and skull vanished.

HE saw the tears dripping down the man's face as he stared at his bare left arm for the first time in almost 20 years. (3) He looked at the painting and, with heartfelt sincerity, said, "Thank you, Harry".

"If you wouldn't mind swearing the same oath as Draco, I can get on with bequeathing your actual inheritance," Harry stated, ignoring Severus's shocked exclamation of, "There's MORE?!" Once he got over his shock and swore the necessary oath, the painting continued.

"I leave you all potions books in the Potter libraries and, should you find yourself standing at the Entrance Hall on Monday at 6p.m., you will find a guide I asked to take you into the Chamber of Secrets, where you can harvest whatever remains of the dead basilisk. The entrance has wards placed around it that will allow only you and the guide inside, and the guide has been told to look the other way if you see some books down there you want to remove".

Everyone in the room witnessed something no one would believe had they not seen it with their own eyes. The normally collected, reserved man processed his inheritance, then fainted from shock. Severus woke up seconds later, waved off Draco (who had come over in concern), and walked back to the wall he had been leaning against, a faint smile visible. Even the painted Harry looked surprised. He blinked, then looked inside the hat.

"This is a group oath, so will Bill, Charlie, Percy, Fred and Georg, and Arthur please stand," he asked. Once they stood, looking with confusion at the other Weasleys who were still seated, he continued. "First of all, would you all swear the same oath as Remus?" HE guessed the barrier preventing sound from passing through was still up, since though the harpy was screeching at her husband and sons not to take the oath, they ignored her.

"A second oath I would like you to take is that you won't share your individual inheritances with the members of your family still seated. They will be getting their own inheritances momentarily, and they will have to swear an oath to not share it with you. However, those standing may share your inheritances with each other," Harry stated. The wording of the second oath took them a while to think about, with Arthur taking the longest to decide, but one by one, they agreed to the second oath.

"Fred and George, I bequeath to the pair of you my father's copies of the Marauder's journals, along with giving you back the Marauder's Map. Also, 100,000 Galleons were deposited into a Vault I had set up for you to go towards buying a premise for your shop. May I suggest starting in the empty shop in Diagon Alley? Just make sure that the items you create won't humiliate or injure the victim". The twins looked at each other and started bowing towards the painting, stating they weren't worthy. HE laughed at their antics, as did many others.

"Bill, you get any books on curse breaking in the Potter libraries, along with 10,000 Galleons. Charlie, you get the same amount of money and the books related to dragons in the Potter libraries. I leave any books on politics and 5,000 Galleons to Percy. I hope the books and money help the three of you in your chosen careers," he rattled through. As they thanked him (Percy was the most heartfelt, as he thought he would be lucky to receive a Knut), the painting sighed and seemed to be reluctant when he turned to Arthur.

"Arthur, this pains me to say, but your name was on the list of people with unwanted potions in their system due to your wife. She dosed you with a love potion. You took the antidote, but that works temporarily". He paused, then turned towards Severus. "I hate to ask something of you, but will you brew the immunity potion? The Goblins have a list of instructions to brew it or, if you've improved on the instructions, you can use your own. The potion used was a mixture of Amortentia and other "common" love potions, which he has been receiving for almost 30 years-". He broke off as the Potions Master cursed and turned his patented I-wish-you-were-dead glare towards Molly Weasley. "I'm guessing that's bad news".

"Oh, it's bad news. It's also pure luck that Arthur Weasley's funeral hasn't taken place. Any other cases of prolonged exposure to love potions resulted in the victim dying before 10 years. He must have built up an immunity. Don't worry, Po - Harry. I'd brew the immunity even if you didn't ask. If nothing else, Molly should be thanking me for preventing her being chucked into Azkaban when the infernal concoction killed Arthur," Severus spat.

"Now, I'm sure it isn't as bad as Severus is saying. He's having a bit of fun at our expense," Dumbledore tried to downplay the situation, but he was cut off. "I NEVER joke about potions. If I talk about the potential consequences of a Potion, I don't lie. I find it interesting that you're trying to defend Molly. Do you realize that she's likely to be the only person still a member of the Order after this is over, so you're trying to keep her out of Azkaban?"

The painting burst out laughing at that. Severus glanced at the picture, an eyebrow raised, before turning to the Weasley patriarch. "Arthur, visit my quarters in Hogwarts next Friday at 6pm, and I'll have the immunity ready for you then".

Arthur nodded in thanks, then turned towards Molly. "I, Arthur Weasley, do hereby divorce Molly Weasley, hereby to be known as Molly Prewett. Your access to the Weasley Vault is rescinded, and you will have no access to the children. Any marriage contracts enacted by you in my name are hereby dissolved. So mote it be". A red light surrounded Molly and Arthur. HE was disappointed to see a similar light connect HIM to Ginny Weasley. Severus was the only person to notice, but HE was thankful when the man didn't say anything.

"Well, thank you for that, Arthur, as I was going to enact punishment on them for setting up that marriage contract. Since you nullified it, it's one less thing I have to do. I was going to leave you 100,000 Galleons, but I'll add an extra 50,000 in thanks, along with the books in the Potter libraries on Muggle studies and any books by muggle authors I own," Harry declared. He looked at the next piece of paper and burst out laughing. It took him over five minutes to calm down, during which the people in the room shot each other concerned looks.

"Well, this will go down like a lead balloon. Tom Marvolo Riddle, I give you your horcruxes back. Also, the "prophecy" that Severus relayed back to you was caused by Dumbledore casting a Voice-Changing charm on Trelawney and getting her blind drunk. He did it because he wanted to be Minister. He thought if he manipulated you into killing a family, he could raise the child up to die at your hands before stepping in and killing you. I apologise for believing the prophecy. He manipulated both of us, and I hope you don't mind me not leaving you any money. I would also like you to swear an oath to not harm anyone in this room that has already got their inheritance, along with Amory, who is waving his hand right now. Anyone else is fair game."

As AMORY waved HIS hand at the most feared Dark Lord of the decade, HE was glad the silencing bubble seemed to have stretched to accommodate HIM, as those still to inherit appeared to be screaming at the top of their lungs. Or at least, HE mused, those who hadn't fainted in shock or horror. As the second hooded figure in the corner (now revealed as Lord Voldemort) swore the oath after a long period of contemplation, the Goblins brought out a Diadem, a ring, a locket and a cup. He looked them over, making sure they were the originals, before nodding at the goblin.

Harry didn't bother looking in the hat but turned towards the four sitting together. "Dumbledore, Molly and Ginny, you will be arrested by the Ministry once you walk out of this room on charges of arranging a marriage contract without the Heads of family agreeing. Molly and Dumbledore, you have the additional charges of using a Vault key without the owner's permission and stealing from a Gringotts Vault.

Dumbledore also has the charges of kidnapping the Head of House Potter, endangering every child in Hogwarts on multiple occasions, falsely claiming to be a child's magical guardian, child neglect and misrepresentation. You were tried in a closed court of the Wizengamot and will be spending 2, 5 and 20 years in Azkaban, respectively. If you decide to try and escape, this room is warded against Apparition, Portkey, Phoenix flash, Floo, and any method of transport other than walking on your own legs.

Your crimes will be printed in today's edition of the Evening Prophet. If you decide you don't want to go to Azkaban, the Goblins have kindly offered to let you spend your sentence in the mines instead. There's no Dementors, but there is more physical labour, no sympathy, little chance of going insane, and a significant chance of dying before your sentence ends due to exhaustion. Your choice," Harry smirked, causing many watching to mentally compare him to the expression Severus made when feeling smug.

AMORY was enjoying the show: the other Weasleys looked shocked, the guilty parties tried every method of escape they could think of (which weren't too many, HE mused), the youngest Weasley male attempted to punch the painting, and the other people glared at the guilty parties. Evidently getting fed up, Harry yelled, "FINE. IT SEEMS YOU HAVE DECIDED TO GET SENTENCED TO GRINGOTTS." When everyone quieted down (some were made to be quiet, but the result was the same), three goblins stepped forward and dragged their new slaves - ahem, prisoners - away.

Tonks stood up and, catching the looks thrown at her, muttered, "I'm telling the Aurors that you had stationed outside the door that they're not needed," before she slipped out the door. She returned after a minute and sat down. Harry turned towards the two yet to be bequeathed anything - one was glowering at the painting while the other was trying not to burst out laughing. The painting smiled and turned to the boy.

"Moony, can you perform a Marauder 8724867 (4) on Ronald? He only became my friend to tell Dumbledore everything I did, influence me away from "undesirables" (of which members of Slytherin House made up a large number) and to influence me into picking Ginevra as a wife," he stated. Remus's eyes turned amber, and a low growl emanated from him. Severus shifted a few inches away from him as Remus prowled up the room to Ron, who turned towards the painting with a frown.

"What's a Marauder 872-whatchamacallit?" he inquired. Instead of answering, Remus lashed out with his fist, punching the boy on the nose. As he howled in pain, Remus declared, "A Marauder 8724867 is the punishment we decided on if someone betrayed the group. We wanted to do it to Pettigrew two years ago, but he escaped before we had the chance".

AMORY couldn't contain HIMSELF anymore and burst out laughing. Harry ignored HIM, though his lip was twitching, and continued. "Furthermore, to reinforce the message, I leave you 30 sickles. Do with them what you will. Goblins," he motioned to his sides, and two goblins dragged Ronald, nose still bleeding, out of the room.

"Amory, you're the new Head of House Potter, and as such, you receive all properties, goods and monies remaining. Make sure you arrive at the Entrance Hall on time for Friday," the painting admonished, mockingly wagging his finger at AMORY, who stuck out HIS tongue in response, before standing and walking out the door.

Monday

Severus arrived at the Entrance Hall five minutes early to find Mr Amory already waiting. Without a word, he turned and walked up the Grand Staircase. If he was on his own, he would be skipping with excitement. It was every Slytherin's dream to find the Chamber of Secrets, and here he was, about to read ancient diaries and texts, to harvest some of the rarest potions ingredients in the world. He'd decided to sell most of it, keeping some for his personal stores and using some scales to have made into battle robes for himself.

He was brought out of his musings when he realised they were in Moaning Myrtle's Bathroom. "If you need to go to the bathroom, at least go to a male one," he sneered. Mr Amory snorted in amusement, then walked towards the sink. Severus had to fight back the instinctual shiver when the man started hissing. Of course, Harry leaves his fortune to another Parseltongue, he reflected.

There was a circular hole where the sinks had been moments earlier when the man finished, and a flight of spiral stairs led downwards. Mr Amory turned back towards Severus and waved his hand towards the hole. "Mind the animal bones at the bottom, be careful where the ceiling collapses; I gave you the ability to open the doors when you're close to them for forty-eight hours, take whatever you want, and please be on the lookout for people poking around this sink in the future. It was nice to talk to you, Professor, and I hope our paths cross in the future," Mr Amory stated, bowing and starting to walk out of the room.

"Wait!" Severus thundered, surprised when he jerked to a stop like one of the students would. "What's your name?" he wondered. The man turned around, half smirking.

"You already know it, Professor," Mr Amory stated. Severus sneered, and the man laughed. "Fine. Amory Jarrett Shep, nice to meet you," declared Amory before laughing and walking out of the bathroom. Severus stared after him for a while before dismissing it and walking down the spiral staircase.

Críochnaithe

(A.N: Hope you liked this one. The next thing I release will either be another oneshot or a fanfic to be released one chapter a day for the Twelve Days of Christmas (and that may have been enough of a clue for some of you readers to guess what the fanfic will be about).

I know I didn't technically reveal who Amory Jarrett Shep is, so the first person who messages me with the correct answer will get mentioned at the bottom. The clue that may help is:

Chamber of Secrets, Ch16/17, T.M.R.

Congratulations to RosalieEsmeeCullen, who was the first to correctly guess the answer

(1) Don't worry. The identity of our illustrious narrator will be revealed. For the moment, HE will be capitalised to differentiate between the narrator and other males.

(2) This is a real house. I've never been, but the pictures of the place look gorgeous.

(3) Assuming Severus got it when he was 17 and just graduated. He is currently 36.

(4) On a 3x3 phone keyboard, 8724867 spells out "traitor")

Answer = Harry James Potter.