Disclaimer: I don't own any characters blah blah blah owned by JK Rowling blah blah blah don't sue me.

Summary: The twins invented all their products. Almost all have been pranks. This one (for once) has some practical applications. What are the customer's thoughts and the thoughts of the person who received their wondrous (note the sarcasm) present?

Slight AU (Alternative Universe), characters acting slightly OOC (Out Of Character), no one died.

The Twins Released A New Product

December 20th 1998

He needed to find a present in Diagon Alley. Something Severus would find useful; otherwise, its remains would be found by a house-elf within the week, burnt to a crisp.

Noticing an advertisement on Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes' window, he strolled over for a closer look. That could work, he thought, stroking his beard. Mind made up, he pushed open the door.

"Professor, what are you doing here?" asked one of the twins - he never bothered learning which twin was which. Too much effort.

"My boy, I was out Christmas shopping, and I couldn't help but see your latest product in the window. I wonder if I could buy one?" he inquired.

"Certainly. We just need the name of the person who will be using it and the reason they need it - it needs that information to work properly. It also removes similar spells that serve the same function, as a form of… competition removal."

Dumbledore leaned over the counter. Whichever twin was on the other side leaned forwards. After a few sentences were whispered in his ear, the redhead leaned back, his customary grin in place.

"Well, Professor, I'm sure that can be arranged. Would you like it packaged in our non-standard box? Then the recipient (his grin was looking similar to a shark's mouth now) won't get rid of it too fast, and he may… enjoy it for a little longer," the twin explained.

After a few moments of thought, Dumbledore nodded.

"Well then, Professor, that'll be 15 Galleons when you're ready," the twin declared.

After paying, Dumbledore walked out the door and Disapparated back to his rooms. As he was walking past the mirror, he noticed his beard and hair were now green and silver. Chuckling at the twin's antics, he continued into his library.

December 25th

It was past four in the evening when Severus finished brewing the stock of Pepperup for the Hospital Wing and could get around to looking at his (small) pile of presents. There was the usual supply of Potions books, magazines and ingredients from his colleagues, expensive chocolates from the Malfoys (he always re-gifted them, in case Lucius had decided to try and murder his way into the Dark Lord's good graces. So far, he had only had to give Aurora a bezoar once. He gave the following year's chocolates to Rolanda), sweets from Albus (he shuddered when he remembered seeing the house elfs under the influence of a sugar rush), and two presents from an unknown person or people.

After casting every detection charm he knew on the packages, Severus picked the more plain-looking box and spelled the present open while standing with his back pressed against the wall. When he was still alive five minutes later, he walked over to the present and looked in. He was thankful that his spying activities had improved his reactions to surprising situations since he was sure he'd have a heart attack from shock.

Grabbing the short note, he read

Dear Professor,

I want to thank you for everything you did. For Mum. For the wizarding world.

I hope this helps you in your Potion inventing, now or in the future.

Merry Christmas.

Harry Potter.

Looking back in the package, Severus saw what seemed to be the scales, fangs and blood of a Basilisk. He remembered the staff room gossip about how the boy (man now, he supposed) had defeated a Basilisk in his second year. He had dismissed it, but now the proof was sitting before him. Only Potter could give away Potions ingredients worth millions of Galleons as if it was nothing, he mused with a wry smile, already imagining what he could use the ingredients for.

Tearing himself away from his imagination, he turned to the unopened second package. He was confronted with cardboard packaging containing a coloured stone. Reading the writing on the packaging, he was now the (not so) proud owner of

The all-new musical sleep aid.

Place by your bedside, and the inherent magic will sense when you're settling down to sleep.

Drift off to whatever sound you want - a soothing waterfall, relaxing nature sounds, or any other sound you wish. Just inform it of your preferred choice.

Guaranteed to help you drift off, without any adverse side effects associated with potions or spells.

Severus decided to try it for one night and judge its effectiveness from there. He placed it on his bedside table and vocalised that his preferred sound was "a bubbling cauldron". The stone let out a slight chime and turned white.

Later that evening, as he got into bed, the stone turned grey, and the sound of a potion bubbling could be heard. Severus' last thought was narrowing down the bubbling to that from a cauldron of either Calming Draught or Dreamless Sleep.

December 26th

06:00

"SEVERUS SNAPE!"

Severus leapt out of bed with his wand drawn, searching his bedroom for the threat.

"HOW DARE YOU SLEEP IN PAST YOUR ALARM!"

A quick Tempus showed it was less than 5 seconds after his alarm should have gone off. Speaking of - why hadn't he been awoken by the alarm spell he cast on his pillow?

"I AM ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED!"

While he always was a light sleeper, he couldn't think of any time he had woken quicker since the Dark Lord had decided to amuse himself by Crucio'ing his followers awake eighteen years ago.

"THERE ARE PROBABLY A FEW POTIONS RUINED DUE TO THIS, AND IT IS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT!"

How dare that woman! He hadn't let sleep ruin a potion since he was in second year when -

Wait a minute.

"What in Merlin's name are you doing in my room at six in the morning, Mrs Weasley?" he sneered, casting a few spells to find where she was hiding. To his surprise, they all came back showing only one thing alive in his rooms.

"IF YOU PUT ANOTHER TOE OUT OF LINE, DUMBLEDORE WILL FIRE YOU!"

He blinked. Since when did Mrs Weasley take it upon herself to wake him up instead of his alarm, only to tell him that he would be fired if he did something he hadn't done in over twenty-five years?

Walking into his sitting room and ordering the house-elf to bring his morning cup of coffee, he resolved to ask her what she had been doing in his chambers.

20:00

As Severus got into bed, he wondered how he had heard Mrs Weasley's voice when the woman had told him she hadn't gone near Hogwarts in the last week (he used a light Legilimency to check if she was lying - she wasn't). She hadn't sent him a Patronus in almost a year, so that wasn't it either. He listened to the stone and realised the potion had changed - it sounded like Wiggenweld now…

December 27th

06:00

"SEVERUS SNAPE!"

"Merlin's beard! What do you want now?!"

"HOW DARE YOU SLEEP IN PAST YOUR ALARM!"

Yet again, the alarm spell on his pillow was gone.

"I AM ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED!"

"Well, I don't give a -"

"THERE ARE PROBABLY A FEW POTIONS RUINED DUE TO THIS, AND IT IS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT!"

Maybe one of the house elfs had left something that was charmed to sound like Mrs Weasley? Or one of his… former colleagues could have done it? Probably not - any still on the run would try to kill him, not deprive him of sleep.

"IF YOU PUT ANOTHER TOE OUT OF LINE, DUMBLEDORE WILL FIRE YOU!"

A quick magical scan showed that no dark magic had been cast in his chambers by anyone other than himself. Severus resolved to ask the elves in the kitchen if they had noticed anyone else's elf sneaking in.

22:09

This was curious. The elves told him they were sure no other house-elf had entered his chambers, though they did mention that there was a new magical signature on something in his bedroom. The spell showed two magical signatures on the stone resting on his bedside table. The spell to find out whose signature was on the stone would take twelve hours. He surmised that one signature was the person who designed the sleep aid, and the other was the person who added Mrs Weasley's voice to the stone as an unwanted alarm.

Great, he thought, I have to listen to that woman's screeches for another night. He concluded that the tamperer would have accounted for a Silencio, but he would try it anyway.

December 28th

06:00

"SEVERUS SNAPE!"

It seemed he had been right about the uselessness of the Silencio.

"HOW DARE YOU SLEEP IN PAST YOUR ALARM!"

This was one of those times he wished he was wrong.

"I AM ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED!"

He half-heartedly cast Muffliato.

"THERE ARE PROBABLY A FEW POTIONS RUINED DUE TO THIS, AND IT IS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT!"

Well, that didn't work either.

"IF YOU PUT ANOTHER TOE OUT OF LINE, DUMBLEDORE WILL FIRE YOU!"

Seeing that the identification spell was finished, Severus grabbed the parchment and read the results.

He sighed.

He should have realised.

It was their style, after all.

Walking over to the fireplace, he threw a handful of Floo Powder in and stated, "Diagon Alley".

06:07

"Professor, what can we do for you so early in the morning?"

"Tell me, Mr Weasley - have you ever heard of the Muggle exercise of trying not to think about the pink elephant?"

No? "No? Should I have?" Well, now I'm thinking about a pink elephant. WHY am I thinking about a pink elephant?

"Quite. Now, would you mind telling me who bought me that infernal noise-making stone?"

That fool! We told Dumbledore not to -

"Never mind. Have a nice day".

Oh, thank Merlin he's leaving. Why didn't he try to … Wait! Wasn't there a rumour going around Hogwarts at one point that Snape was a Legilimens?

Severus laughed.

"Yes, I am."

Merlin's beard!

December 29th

02:00

"ALBUS DUMBLEDORE!"

Dumbledore awoke with a jolt.

"HOW DARE YOU PRANK SEVERUS!"

He had a bad feeling.

"I AM ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED!"

Severus had managed to find out he had bought the alarm stone.

"HE IS THINKING ABOUT QUITTING, AND IT IS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT!"

And had decided to place one in the Headmaster's rooms.

"IF YOU PUT ANOTHER TOE OUT OF LINE, YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND A NEW POTIONS MASTER!"

Well, he thought, Severus got his revenge. I'll apologise to him at breakfast.

Which was in (he looked at his wristwatch) seven hours.

The Potions Master had won this time.

Next time, however…

Críochnaithe

(A.N: The inspiration for this one came from my own life. On a site, I downloaded a clip from CoS that had Mrs. Weasley's Howler and I decided to use that as my own alarm. The person I live with hates it, as she thinks it's too grating on the ears. I like it precisely because it's hard to ignore a screeching woman right beside your ear. This got me thinking about how she would yell at the children to wake them up. The twins have an entrepreneurial mindset, so they would have - if given enough time - come up with a profitable way to… spread their mother's particular method of awakening.

In case it wasn't clear, the underlined parts are Snape using Legilimency to try to see their memories and catching their thoughts instead.

The pink elephant exercise actually exists. Apparently, it's a mindfulness thing.

Quick question - when reading the parts where the stone is yelling, how many of you heard Mrs Weasley's voice in your head? *raises hand*)

FYI, the italics was supposed to have ended once the POV switched to Severus, and then only pop up sporadically for spells or Severus's thoughts. I think there may be an issue with Fanfiction, as this happened in the previous chapter I posted. Sorry for any confusion this may have caused.