War was on the horizon and the HELLSING organisation was preparing accordingly. They had already moved some plans into place, while for the time being, each department was working at maximum capacity. The Supernatural Relations Department was processing as many of the freshly made vampires who were not taken by the Philosophers into their registry of supernatural beings. They worked on trying to find something to do with them. All the while, the Intelligence Department and Media Management were ridiculously active in comparison to their usual workload. Meanwhile, Dispatch was making sure their lines were operational, Vehicles were making sure that there was enough transportation to move all of the soldiers they were planning to deploy, and the Weapons Department was making sure that everyone was stocked with guns, bullets, and any other odds and ends that the troops might need. It was hard for them to get special orders out, given circumstance, but they tried their best to get whatever it is that the soldiers has ordered just for the occasion.

The soldiers of the HELLSING Organisation were for the most part, ready to go whenever the time came. Some of them were a bit nervous about the change in the nature of the battle, but would carry out their operations regardless as though it were just another day at work. Some of the newer recruits- bless their hearts- were somewhat eager to enter the fray. Some of the starry-eyed recruits that had been trained earlier in Autumn would be entering their very first battle. One group in particular, however, was a bit nervous. Their highly respectable leader had drilled into their heads that combat was not a game and that there were very serious consequences for losing. They were perhaps marginally more prepared for the conflict than other groups in the same class, but not by a lot.

The Devildogs had split up since their time in the training camp. All of them were assigned to different teams, save for Private Braumfeld, who sought and was given a job in the Weapons Department. Sometimes in the mess, however, they would regroup, for old times' sake. It wasn't unusual. Many operatives had a somewhat bizarre fondness for the people they trained with, even if they didn't like each other all that much. Usually, the group would gather once every fortnight to update each other on how things were going, but this time, the group was noticeably silent. It was like all of them wanted to talk about the upcoming battle, but none of them wanted to make the first move.

"So, is anyone going to say anything?" asked "not nice" Bryce Withers, having been the type to shatter silence. "If you lot aren't going to talk, I'll go sit with my team."

"There isn't much to say." answered Solomon Danlaw. "I think that we're all a bit on edge..."

"I'm not." blurted out Carl Henderson, the group troublemaker. His broken nose had healed since his time at camp, but was now permanently crooked. Oddly enough, the man was proud of it! After all, he had been punched directly in the face by one of HELLSING's most powerful operatives, a demon of nobility and infamy, and lived. "I can't wait to shoot some leeches."

"That's not the point of it." Clancy Peterson chimed in. "We're supposed to defend England. Also, I'm pretty sure there are alright vampires who don't want to be called 'leeches.'"

"Yeah, yeah, you still wanna suck demon cock, we know." Henderson simply brushed him off in return.

"Honestly, it doesn't sound like a good idea." Peterson retorted. "If you paid attention during training, you'd know that the bodily fluids of demons are dangerous to humans. Just because you have a gun now, doesn't mean you won't get mauled."

"So… Is that the only reason, or?" questioned Withers.

"Also I don't want to be 'the other woman.' I'm either number one or nothing at all."

"So you still want demon cock, then?" inquired Henderson in a snotty tone.

"From the sounds of things, you do."

Suddenly, the table erupted in approval. Not only was it great to see Clancy standing up for himself, but it was also fun for them to see Carl fail. As he was in the midst of suffering, another man walked up to their table. Walter Young finally joined them. A look of confusion crossed his face as he set down his tray.

"Okay, did I miss something?" he asked while sitting down.

"Carl wants demon dick." Bryce answered.

"Eat shit and die." Henderson growled.

"Oh. Good for him, I guess." Mister Young said with a yawn. "Follow your dreams, I guess."

"Late night?" Questioned agent Danlaw.

"Yeah. I was out on one of the New Years raids last night. I didn't do much. I hit a button when I was supposed to." Young explained. "I did run into the boss, though."

"Big Boss?" jokingly inquired agent Withers with an arched brow.

"Well, he wears an eyepatch. No clones, though. It was kind of cool to be on a mission with Sir Phantomhive. His husband was there, too."

"Really? What was he like?" asked Danlaw.

"Really cool. Mister Phantomhive arrested a few vampires and took them in to be interrogated without arousing suspicion, and he and Sir Phantomhive wasted the rest of them." Young replied, carefully placing emphasis on honourifics in order to distinguish the two. "Sir Phantomhive got a little distracted, though. He started talking to his husband about this subculture of humans who like to dress up as vampires over the radio. It was actually really interesting."

"I'll bet that was interesting..." Danlaw mused. "What were they like working together?"

"Great chemistry in basically every way. Is it gay to say that I'm a little jealous? They get along great and fight together like it's no big deal."

"Hashtag-Relationship Goals." Bryce said, saying the word "hashtag" out loud.

"The couple that hunts supernatural baddies together, stays together." Chimed in Clancy.

"Judging by the people I've seen while here, I'm inclined to suspect that is the norm..." Solomon stated.

"Yeah. Kill some fanged supernaturals who would very much like to tear out your throat and then have a romantic dinner." Bryce said.

"He was in top shape, though." Young informed, interrupting the laughter a bit. "It was really cool to see him in his element. I'm kind of disappointed that I didn't get to really see the action! Can you imagine getting to see him fight seriously?!"

"That would be wicked!" Clancy declared. "He wasn't even trying when he broke Henderson's nose! Him fighting for real would be completely badass!"

"What's he gonna do, threaten them with a riding crop?" asked Henderson.

"No. I think he used a sword." Agent Young replied. Meanwhile, the sword itself was in a small box that had been returned to the weapons department. Well- the shards of it, at least. Some of them, however, didn't make it, and were scattered somewhere in the Phantomhive family cemetery. There was no way for the Devil Dogs to know that, however. There was no way for anyone to know that, really! No one had been told, save for Elizabeth, Integra, and by extension, Seras. Only the people who really needed to know what happened did.

The troops could go on believing that Ciel returned home triumphant from an evening's good work like any other mission. That's how the bluenette wanted it, really. He was barely comfortable with most of the people in his own house knowing what he was going through, but he managed. He was managing barely, however.

His gaze was somewhat vacant and he stared off into space for most of the day. He couldn't pay attention to much of anything, really. Nothing seemed to override the urge to lay around the house and stare at the wall that seemed to permeate his entire being. Those starry-eyed newcomers didn't need to see Ciel like this. If they were lucky, they wouldn't end up this way, themselves.

He wasn't right. Everyone around him knew it and he knew that they did. He agreed with them. He just didn't know what to do about it. Thus, he stalked around the halls of the mansion- lifelessly, as if he were a ghost himself. It had been a long time since the man had felt the vacantness of the halls. The house had been vibrant for several years, so he didn't notice. Or maybe the vastness of the space was only now getting to him because he felt vulnerable. He didn't know.

It was a struggle for him to get dressed that afternoon. He couldn't even consider getting out of bed in the morning. Even though his husband told him that it was fine for him to wear pyjamas around his own house, Ciel forced himself to put on a shirt with a collar. Even though it would be easier, he felt as though taking the easy route would only help him sink further. It was the smallest of victories, but he was up, out of bed, and fully dressed. Still, he couldn't shake what he was feeling.

Staring out the window at the garden was too painful. The cemetery was through there. He didn't want to remember that. While he never actually saw his father's full skeleton, he could imagine it, which he felt was worse. His skin crawled as he remembered the feeling of bone stabbing into his back.

Ciel's father had rotted away, leaving only his bones under a pile of dirt. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that the noble Vincent Phantomhive, Earl of Phantomhive and the Queen's Guard Dog during the family's golden age was in such a state. Everything was once so grand and beautiful. Yet now, it wasn't even rot. Worse still, Vincent's body had been tampered with while in such a sate. It was disgraceful. The only one who could do anything about it was Ciel, however. The Earl's son, who was left to pick up all of the pieces.

The current head of the family knew that none of it was his fault. He knew that. But he also knew that it was his duty to take care of the family. That included the deceased members. He had fought long and hard for the sake of the family. He was tired. He was so tired. The scars had all become a faint white and it was more than time to move on. Ciel knew that. He wanted to. It was time for the Phantomhive family to be reborn anew and strife toward a bright future, not to linger on the past.

The past couldn't be forgotten, though. It wouldn't be. It simply wouldn't take up the entirety of Ciel's life anymore. It already didn't. Yet, there was one last thing he needed to do. Getting himself to do it, however, was proving challenging, no matter how badly he wanted to.

"Ciel?" a voice called out, breaking him away from his fixation to the wall. Finnian wore a concerned face as he stood behind his former master. This time, without the assistance of his crutches. He knew that a nerve had been struck with the bluenette and knew that he had made an absurd amount of progress since he last new him. Finnian could tell that Ciel was happy, but now that happiness had been disturbed by things that he would rather not deal with. "Are you alright?"

"I will be." Ciel replied with a sigh. "I'm not right now, but that will change. This is only temporary."

"Is there anything I can do?" the blond questioned, knowing the most probable answer already.

"Well, we will definitely be needing your gardening services, it seems." pointed out the Phantomhive. "Other than that, just continue what you are doing. I'm sorry, in all of the commotion, I wasn't able to thank you for keeping things secure. I'm grateful for that."

"Of course." Finnian nodded with a somewhat uneasy smile. "If I couldn't do this much, what kind of Phantomhive servant would I be?"

The other man chuckled, but didn't answer right away. Finnian, however, took this to mean that Ciel was offended. "I'm sorry..." He quickly apologised, believing that mentioning the Phantomhive family was the cause.

"Don't be. I'm not bothered. You're perfectly fine." Ciel insisted. "I'm fine…" he added, mostly for his own sake. "I'm just… Thinking."

Finnian opened his mouth to inquire further, but hesitated. He recalled that Ciel didn't like to talk about his problems. In fact, in his entire time of emplyment in the household, Ciel has only shown glimpses into his mind a handful of times. Other than that, he kept it a mystery. Although he was eternally grateful to the Phantomhive for giving him a chance to live, lately, it was like he was only really getting to know him for the very first time. No lies. No putting on airs. It was just Ciel. Ciel as he was meant to be.

"This must be odd for you." the Watchdog said finally. "I'm not my old self anymore, am I? I've long since moved on from the deaths of my parents, though I won't ever recover fully. It's like for the first time since then, I'm living again, but now I'm getting pulled back into old nonsense. I just want to live with my family- You, Jim, Sebastian, Luka, and Revy… Also the extended family, too, technically, but the sentiment is still there..."

"I've noticed you've changed." the blond smiled. "I'm glad."

"I'm a much better person than I was. It's a bit humourous, really. In order to become a better human, I had to become a demon… Johnathan can't understand that. Legitimately, he is incapable, I believe. I've healed a lot over the years. I've grown tired of trying to retraumatise myself in order to stay angry. I'm… going to be alright."

"Master… I know you will be. That's all any of use ever wanted for you. You've seemed to have found your happiness." Finnian replied. "If I'm honest, I was a bit shocked. You're smiling so much now, that it's actually sort of taken some getting used to."

With a chuckle, the bluenette answered: "So the same-sex spouse isn't strange, but smiling is?"

"I mean, given the circumstance of your meeting, it's still pretty strange… But, you're happy, so that's what matters."

"I'm afraid of it being interrupted or taken away, I think. Maybe that's why all of this is proving so difficult..."

"You have my assistance." the blond informed with a dutiful nod. "I may not be much help, but I doubt I'm the only one. I've always been invested in your happiness and like the others, I wanted to protect what you have. I still want to."

"I'm grateful to you. Although, I'm sorry to say that you may be dealing with some rather serious supernatural nonsense, from now on."

"I don't mind." Finnian stated. "It's a good challenge. Besides, you've taken me in twice, now. I'm more than happy to return your kindness."

Finnian was a man of integrity. He recognised when someone went out of their way for him and appreciated it. Even though Ciel was a demon and even though he had run away in his youth, to Finnian, there were few people who could match Ciel's kindness. The reason why Finnian had a chance to live a life or even see the sun is because of Ciel. The Phantomhive quite literally gave him the world. That, in Finnian's mind, was a testament of Ciel's true character and he would gladly follow the demon to the ends of the earth.

"I am undeserving of such loyalty." the bluenette answered. "But, if that is what you wish for, then it will be granted. You can keep your soul, of course."

"Thank you. I'd rather do so..."

Smiling, the bluenette ended the conversation shortly afterwards. As much as he wanted to process his feelings and let them out, he wasn't sure how to do that with Finnian yet. He did try, but it was a process. After all, the man's spouse was only seeing the fruits of their shared labour relatively recently. It would happen, someday, but that day was not it.

Still, Ciel felt slightly better after talking to Finnian. It was like he was priming his mind to start interacting with others and doing things again. It sort of hurt to try, but he knew that if he didn't do anything like he wanted to, he would have a harder time recovering. Still, he wondered if he was forcing himself a bit. The Phantomhive kept switching back and forth between depression and hyper-vigilance. Occasionally, the thought of something being at his back would pop into his head, forcing him to look over his shoulder. It might take a few glances for the feeling to pass, but it would until the next time it struck him. The only time it wouldn't appear at all was when he had his back to the wall, but leaning against the wall in the hallway of one's own home was an odd sight, and the others in his household were already asking questions.

He didn't have answers to a lot of them, sadly. He knew he wasn't "fine," but he also knew that he would in time. Unfortunately, however, it was hard for him to discuss his feelings with anyone, but not because of pride, this time. Instead, it was simply difficult for him to figure out what exactly he was feeling to begin with. Everything was so muddled together and dulled. It was hard to make sense of it all.

Aimlessly, he walked around his own home without any real sense of direction. The place was big enough that pacing was unnecessary. He even traversed the empty sections that were seldom used. It was freezing, as they didn't supply heat to those portions of the house. They saved money that way, as per Alois' suggestion. Eventually, however, he made it to the servant's area of the house. Which contained the bedrooms of both Sebastian and Finnian, along with a second dining room used specifically for servants. It's existence was no longer necessary, however, as that division was now gone. Finnian ate with the rest of the family and if Sebastian had any interest, the invitation would extend to him as well. The area in this part of the house that caught Ciel's attention, however, was the kitchen.

Ciel went down to the kitchen often. If he wanted a snack, he wouldn't wait for Sebastian to bring it anymore and would instead go get it himself. The reason why this room grabbed the Watchdog's attention, however, was because he could sense the presence of his spouse. Quietly, he peeked his head in the doorway in order to check in on him. He mostly saw the menace's back, but could tell that he was making something.

He approached the blonde, making sure to tap his shoes against the floor in such a way that he could announce his presence. Gently, he wrapped his arms around Alois' waist and pulled him close ina firm hug. With a kiss to the menace's cheek, Ciel rested his chin on the other's shoulder in order to see what he was doing. Alois was using a scoop to put evenly proportioned amounts of batter into cupcake molds.

"Hello, husband o' mine." Alois greeted while hie beau uttered a sigh. The menace wasn't bothered by his spouse's antics, as they didn't get in the way of what he was doing for the time being. "How goes it?"

"Confusing and sad." Ciel kissed Alois' cheek again while lightly rocking the two of them from side to side.

"Anything I can do?"

"You're fine by just letting me hold you for a bit." the bluenette informed. "I'm not sure how I feel about everything that's going on, but you? You make sense."

Alois was by now aware of how Ciel liked to seek him out when he was feeling bad in some way. They didn't always need to talk. Sometimes, being alone in the same room was enough, but what soothed the Watchdog most was being able to hug his spouse. It was like Alois was a security blanket. He made Ciel feel safe and he knew it. He was more than happy to give the bluenette that.

Scraping the bottom of the bowl, Alois nodded. "Well, do tell me if anything comes up. In the meantime, you wanna lick the bowl? Honestly, I don't think we need this many cupcakes, but I tend to underestimate just how you can eat."

"Are you doing this for me?"

"Yeah. I know it won't cure what you've got going on, but it might help a little bit. Chocolate's supposed to make you feel happier- at least that's what Remus Lupin said. It works with dementors, I guess."

Smiling, Ciel squeezed the menace a little tighter and nuzzled against his shoulder. "I want to say 'thank you,' but it doesn't seem quite enough. I'm not sure if I'm up to waxing poetically at the moment, but I need you to know just how much of a great husband you are."

"I already know how you feel." the menace grinned. He was forced to make an attempt to pry off his husband's arms, however, so that he could put the pan in the oven. Afterwards, he picked up the bowl and handed it to his beau. When the bluenette didn't move, he gestured to the silverware drawer. "Go get a spoon."

"Oh!" The bluenette raised his eyebrows and did as he was told. "I don't think I've ever eaten just the batter, before..."

"Damn, a hundred and fifty years and you've never eaten cake batter? It's not like you have to worry about salmonella poisoning."

"Before, I was too posh to set foot in the kitchen unless I was stealing snacks."

"I'm corrupting you. Your poshness if fading. That's what you get for fraternising with commoners."

"It's for the best, I think. The world of nobles will fade out, eventually and quite frankly, that doesn't hurt my feelings one bit." The Watchdog raised his brows as he stuck his spoon in his mouth. "That's really good!"

"It's liquid cake! How bad can it be?"

"What is the point in living if you cannot appreciate small wonders like cake batter?" Ciel questioned. "Mmm. What gave you the idea to make cake?"

"Well, there's the 'chocolate makes you feel better' thing, and you were really happy when I made it on your birthday… Like- It was all you would talk about. It made sense."

"It does..." the bluenette said, looking down into the bowl. Alois was logical. "Can I talk to you?"

After washing his hands, the menace turned around to face his husband, leaning against the counter with his hands on its edge. "Always." he said. "What's on your mind?"

"The past… The present… and the future…" Ciel replied. "It's a lot. My first instinct while I was down there was to call out for my parents, but I don't even really remember them all that well… It was a strange reaction… At the same time, there's a strange sort of nostalgia for what I do remember. Yet, I don't want things to be like that. It's… a mess. Really, it's just a mess of confusing thoughts and feelings..." Setting the bowl down on the counter, Ciel folded his arms and paused to think. "I have an obligation to protect them and the fact that I failed? It's a bit devastating… I have to get my father's remains back and buried." Looking up, he faced the blonde before continuing.

"But I don't want things to go back to the way they were." he said. "I'm tired of doing things because of them. It is my time as the head of the household. I don't want to be pulled back into vengeful nonsense. I don't feel like seeking vengeance. If anything, I'm angry that the relatively peaceful life I have was interrupted by family drama that is ancient history. We're supposed to be creating our own family history, not contemplating theirs."

"Their history is yours, but I see what you mean." the menace replied. "You want to live your life and be done with it."

"I'm burned out of being enraged. I just want to move on. That's exactly what Johnathan doesn't want, however. He wants a fight. That's the way monsters are, after all. Unfortunately for him, however, I'm no longer a monster..."

"You're a man."

"I'm a man, that's right… I don't want to be just any kind of man, however. I want to be a good man. A family man, too, someday… Instead of revenge, nowadays I'm striving for a future where I've started going on wholesome family holidays…"

"Is that the dream?" smiled the menace.

"It's my current aspiration, yes." nodded the bluenette in his typical, yet somewhat odd, serious fashion. "I don't want to waste time dwelling on unpleasantries from the past, when I could be focusing on being happy, instead. I do love my parents, still, I think. Even if I don't really know them anymore. I can't escape my bond to them. That's why I wanted to call out to them instead of you, I suppose. But they just don't take up that much space in my life anymore. They're part of me, but my focus hasn't been on them in a long time. Instead, it's been on making a home with you, my beloved husband. It's been on repairing myself and being happy. How can I throw that away for revenge? It's like I've tasted the fruit of paradise, and nothing else can satisfy me, now. All I want is you, me, and the others living happily, here, without anyone bothering us. Maybe with the addition of an heir or two, as well..."

"I'd really like that." Alois nodded with a smile. "I think we have a similar idea on what we want out of life. In all seriousness, though, I'm really proud of you. You've made a lot of progress."

"You deserve some credit, too. Not just because you've changed as well, but you're also one of the driving forces behind my development. It's not just that I want to be a familyman, either, I want to start a family with you, Jim. Until you, the thought never even crossed my mind. I'm annoyed that Johnathan is making an attempt to make me change my mind."

"Is it going to work?"

"Absolutely not. I want to combine our bloodlines." There wasn't an ounce of humour in Ciel's voice when he said this, but that is precisely why Alois laughed.

"Three years, remember? We still have two and a half left before we start seriously getting into it. We agreed." the blonde reminded his spouse.

"I know. I can still conceptualise it, however. That is the sort of future that I want. No matter what happened in the past, I want a bright, happy, future, with you. It's quite frankly sort of insulting that one might think I want to go back to being vengeful."

"What about everything else?" asked the menace, his smile fading. "That was some pretty traumatic shit you went through the other day… Are you okay on that front?"

"I… I think so." Ciel nodded. "I'm disgusted and… confused. I'm not sure how to feel about it, but I feel alright, though."

"Okay..." Alois didn't do well to hide his skepticism of that claim. "Keep me posted. Sometimes that shit can have delayed reactions."

"I'll be fine. It would be nothing that I haven't handled before."

"If you say so…" The menace couldn't tell if Ciel was sincere or not for once. Maybe the bluenette really believed that, for all he knew. As far as Ciel himself could tell, it was! Alois wasn't going to press it, however. He himself was neglecting things he wasn't comfortable with talking about, so he would have been hypocritical if he nagged his beau about it.

Ciel could see his apprehension. Narrowing the gap between them again, he reached up and brushed the blonde's bangs out of his face and tucked locks of blonde hair behind his ear. The Watchdog lingered for a moment as while he had ran his fingers through the lion's mane more times than he could possible count or recall, he was still surprised by it's texture.

"Your hair is so soft..." he rather thoughtlessly said aloud. Alois' confusion was evident in his face as the Watchdog proceeded to run both hands through his hair.

"Having fun?"

"I wouldn't call it 'fun,' exactly… I just find it relaxing. I…" Ciel trailed off for a moment, hesitating before saying what he ought to. "Well… Forgive me, but I feel the need to seek comfort from you."

"So you're clingy, you're saying?" smirked the other man with an arched brow.

"Yes… quite… I suppose I am, aren't I?" the Watchdog pondered aloud. "Clinging actually doesn't sound like too terrible of an idea, to me, although I imagine that my craving to not keep my hands to myself may get in the way a bit, when it comes to your daily routine."

"Ciel, it's okay if you want physical reassurance, you know… If it makes you feel safer, go ahead. I'll tell you if I need you to stop for a bit." Alois waited expectantly for the bluenette to answer. He figured that it would take some coaxing for the other man to truly believe that it was alright, given how fussy he was, but all Ciel did in response was stare back at him as if unsure of how to answer that.

"I… Well..." Clearing his throat, the bluenette attempted to gather himself. "I'm not sure if that is really acceptable behaviour…"

"Why's that? It's just cuddling. We do it all the time."

"You're still doing important work with the mission and if I am not going to help, I shouldn't get in the way." he dutifully answered. "Furthermore, a man in my position should be focusing on the operation as well, in the first place! It is most inconvenient for me to be having childish desires at this time and it is counterproductive. War is on the horizon and I musn't waste any time on such frivoliti-!"

The man was cut off mid-thought as his attention was immediately redirected when the menace took it upon himself to wrap his arms around Ciel's waist and hold him tightly. The Lion was sure to let out a content sigh as their chests and stomachs touched and Ciel's arms instinctively wrapped around his shoulders.

"Lovey-darling, if you want to fully embrace the goal of being the wholesome family man that you want to be, accepting that it's okay to want your husband to comfort you with hugs and kisses is something that you're probably gonna hafta do. Yeah, shit's about to go down, but that's all the more reason to get some hugging in!"

"Right..." nodded the bluenette. "I'm sorry..."

"It's okay. You're still kinda working on the whole 'it's okay to want and seek out physical intimacy' thing and you're doing great at it. I'm giving you permission to feel okay with asking before a big mission, alright? It's okay. It's not weird, I promise. You feel vulnerable and that makes everything feel weirder than it actually is. It's not weird to cuddle me in our own house while I'm doing things. If you want comfort, go ahead and ask."

There was silence between the two of them as Ciel seemed to be waiting for Alois to continue. Rather, he was waiting for Alois to make the offer, himself, but soon fully registered what the man had said. Alois was legitimately telling him to ask him, rather than to sit back and wait for the menace to initiate. It was going to take some getting used to. Pride was still one of the bluenette's vices, yet he was also courteous. Part of him really did worry about inconveniencing the menace, while another thought that it was somewhat sad of him to seek out comfort in such a "childlike" way.

He looked his spouse over, caressing his head gently. "Jimmy..." Ciel said, leaning in to kiss the other man's cheek. "My Jimmy..." The Watchdog kissed his way to the blonde's lips and listened to his husband giggling.

It felt wrong for Ciel to want this, given the circumstances. He should be mourning. He should be enraged. He should be searching the ends of the earth for what has been lost and be dragging the monster that did it down into the pits of hell, wrapping him in a cloak of unending darkness and night. But he wasn't. How could he? His whole world was up here, in the light of day. There was the softness of his husband's lips and hair, the smell of cakes, and the warmth and safety of home to think about.

"Mmf!" The blonde was surprised, yet he quickly accepted the gentle brush of his beau's tongue against his own. It was only a flicker, but Alois could still taste the distinct taste of chocolate lingering. Keeping one hand at the side of the blonde's head, he snaked the other downward between their bodies so that he could hold onto his waist.

Ciel was trying to maintain control of himself and Alois could tell. There was nothing carnal, about it, however. The Watchdog did not pursue the menace out of lust. No. He was trying desperately to keep his wits and to keep the emotions that were going to inevitably bubble up to the surface from doing so for as long as possible. So, he turned to the person who made him feel most secure and clung to him, cutting himself short of doing so for dear life. Loving Alois was proof of Ciel's humanity. Caring about him enough to be considerate of his feelings while enduring an emotional crisis was also. Unfortunately, humanity came with a cost.

Monsters cause catastrophe in their downward spiral into ruin, laughing all the way. They do not fear death. They do not fear loss. They desire destruction, including the destruction of their own wretched selves, not because they are strong, but because they are weak- far too weak to endure the burden of being human. Humanity comes with pain. It comes with loss. It comes with fear. Ciel knew this. He knew it well. He knew that if he dragged Johnathan down into hell, the Watchdog would be going down with him.

What would Alois think? Sebastian? Revy? Luka? Finnian? What would the rest of his family? His friends? Oh, how Ciel could not bear the burden of bringing tears to their eyes!

It wasn't just himself that would lose if Ciel went into that spiral. Others would lose as well. The man who he was kissing so passionately would be devastated. The thought only made him want to cling harder.

He would not give in to Johnathan's temptations. They interested the Phantomhive no longer. It was far too late. There was a time when Ciel would have gladly accepted the challenge of Mister Beattie. There was a time when the sound of gunfire and bombs dropping pleased him- when the scent of blood, sweat, and gunpowder delighted him, and the sight of a muzzle flash and approaching zeppelins made his heart soar. Fire, which had long made him feel sorrow, began to tickle him as he felt the rage of remembering swell within him. Truly, it made him feel alive.

He had the voice of reason in meetings, in private gatherings, in public places, and everywhere else that wasn't directly in the fray. But on the battlefield, he was dancing to the symphony of war. Blood ran through the streets. Men, women, children, and the elderly were all running in fear. It didn't matter if they were enemies or his men who tried to flee from the fight, he mowed them all down happily. Ciel Phantomhive would destroy everything in his path just to keep the fires going and he did so with practical glee.

Yet, the war had to end sometime. When it did, there was nothing left for him to destroy. He had peaked in his destruction. There was no possibility of replicating that amount. He needed it. It was his nature. That is what monsters do. When the war ended, he searched for it again. He took on every single task he was issued with glee, yet it never came close. There was nothing left to burn. There was nothing left to destroy- That is, however, except for himself.

He needed a fight to end all fights. He needed a fitting end to his story and his legacy of fear and ruin. That is why he needed to create the perfect foe and he decided that the perfect foundation was the one person to have ever soundly and irreparably defeat him: Jim Macken.

It was always Jim. He didn't count on falling in love. He didn't count on becoming human, but he did, and he wanted to stay that way with every ounce of his being. Jim was the catalyst for his transformation- both times. Even now, Ciel felt that it was wrong to rely on the menace in this way, feeling as though he was expecting far too much. Yet he needed him. He wanted to be assured that everything was alright. He wasn't a monster. He wasn't going to become a monster. He wouldn't allow himself to. He was stronger now. He was more than strong enough to be human. Yet, the sudden onset of such massive amounts of negative emotions and feelings were enough to make him wonder. Instead of bringing him joy like they used to, they only brought him pain. It was pain that he had grown accustomed to living without.

Suddenly, one of the hands on his chest began to push against him. "Ciel," the blonde interrupted, causing them to part. "You're hurting me..."

"Huh?" questioned the bluenette. His stomach dropped for just a moment and his flushed face started turning pale.

"You're squeezing me a bit hard." Alois explained. "It's no big deal. Just kinda uncomfortable, okay?"

"Oh!" The Watchdog breathed a sigh of relief. He had no idea what kind of expression he must have been making for his beau to explain it like that, but smiled to reassure him that he understood. "Sorry."

"It's alright. No big deal. If we could also move from up against the counter, that would be great, too."

"Right..." Ciel laughed nervously as he loosened his grip further and took a step back, allowing for the menace to move. "I wasn't paying attention..."

"You seemed a bit in your head." Alois was still smiling, so the Watchdog didn't let it get to himself too terribly much. Titling his head slightly, Alois observed him, giving Ciel a look that dazzled him momentarily. "You seem scared..."

"I..." That hit the nail on the head, causing the bluenette's browse to raise before he could relax again. "I am…" he said. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take it out on you..."

"It's alright. You've got every right to be." Wrapping his arms around the other man's neck, Alois nuzzled his beau's cheek. The Watchdog, however, was still somewhat burdened by the possible connotations of his actions.

"Did… Did I frighten you?"

"Nope. Not at all~!"

"I'll be gentle..." Ciel said, turning his head slightly so that he could kiss his husband's head.

"I know you will." hummed the menace. "You're a really good man." He was enjoying the contact immensely, even going so far as to close his eyes while leaning into the other. He allowed his other senses to take over, but as soon as he did, he noticed something was "off." Opening his eyes again, he looked up, only to find that the two of them had a bit of a "guest."

"Uhm…" Finnian wasn't sure what to make of what he was witnessing. The two fair-haired gentlemen made eyecontact for a while longer as the bluenette tried to join them. Ciel released his spouse for a moment to do so, but it only added to the tension of the situation, as none of them really knew what to do next. Finnian knew that the Watchdog was no longer a boy anymore, but it was still somewhat strange to see him so intimate with someone as a man- especially with another man. Although the former gardener rather liked Alois as a person, it was still a lot for him to wrap his head around.

"That smells very good." Finnian said, pointing to the oven. The other's followed his gesture for a moment, but then looked back to him. Finally, the demons took that as their cue to separate completely.

"Ah, well, thanks!" Alois replied, rubbing his neck lightly, somewhat unaware of the possible connotations of the gesture while his beau nervously cleared his throat into his fist. "I'm making cupcakes. You can have one, when there done! I still need to make frosting, though."

"Oh! That sounds good!" the other blond answered, loosening up a bit. "I'll be sure to come back when you're done- when they're done, I mean..." He tried not to make it seem like he was backing out of a dangerous situation, but only had a mild degree of success. "See you later!"

Very quickly, he fled, leaving the Phantomhives to radiate on how inappropriately they were behaving in a public space that everyone frequented. Ciel introduced his palm to his reddening face and uttered a somewhat defeated sigh. Moving his fingers out of the way, Ciel looked at his spouse through them and rolled his eye at the other man's giggling.

"I don't know what to say about that." Alois confessed.

"I... Should probably apologise..." Ciel said, lowering his hand and placing both of them behind his back. "Shall I do so on your behalf as well?"

"You may, but I'm only mildly sorry."

"Jimmy..."

"It's my house." the blonde said assertively. It endeared the Watchdog somewhat that Alois felt so at home and felt equal in his place as a Phantomhive, but at the same time, it was hardly an excuse.

"Right… I'll… Go do that, then." Before Ciel could wander off, Alois grabbed onto his shoulder, forcing him to turn before cupping his cheek and kissing his lips lightly. When he pulled away again, he left the bluenette blinking and speechless.

"I love you, darling." cooed the menace.

"I-I love you, too." Ciel felt like he was losing his mind. At times, he felt like a child, but right then, it seemed as though he upgraded to being similar to his awkward, teenaged self. "Uhm… Bye?"

"Pff-! 'Bye.'" waved Alois, watching as his beau struggled with both wanting to address the awkwardness with his childhood friend, while also needing to address the awkwardness with his own spouse. Alois sent him away, however, indicating that he knew that he was signing up for this sort of thing when he took Ciel as his spouse, much to the relief of the Watchdog.

Ciel went off like the trooper he was, going forth to address things head-on. Even though it took him a while, he wasn't going to run away. He just wasn't that kind of man.


A/N: I wanted to add an entire additional section, but I couldn't figure out a transition, so I'm just gonna do the thing next chapter. Gonna get plotty and shit.

Probably.

I'm still working out some kinks. Bear with me.

Ciel is really hard to write for in these last few chapters. I think I'm trying to figure him out a bit. I'll get there. We'll all get there.

When will the war be over?

until the next chapter, my duckies~!