Of
Duty, Atonement, and Redemption—Chapter Sixteen
By
SGC Gategirl
xxx
For warnings, comments, summary, etc, please see part one.
xxx
Carson Beckett glanced up at his computer when it beeped at him indicating the second incoming message within a minute. He was trying to finish his report on the virus, but he'd been distracted by the other events going on around him.
He was surprised to see the email was from Rodney.
Opening it, he read the introductory comment from Radek.
All-
You may wish to read this before we meet. I believe it is self-explanatory.
RZ
Carson shifted in his chair, nervousness threatening to choke him. His eyes flicked up the window, looking to see who else was copied on the message and then he began to read.
At first he thought it was a joke, but the further along he got the more chilling it became.
Oh. Dear. God.
xxx
Elizabeth Weir walked toward the conference room, her PDA in her hand. Only moments ago she'd sent the meeting request and her wireless device had already downloaded a new mail message.
Checking the screen, she noted the sender and her eyebrow rose. Was this some kind of a joke? She clicked a button, pulling up the message as she moved into the conference room, her feet instinctively taking her to her chair.
Her eyes widened and she drew in her breath sharply, collapsing into her seat, both hands wrapped around the PDA.
Her eyes moved quickly through the email, her heart thumping loudly in her chest. Tapping her radio, she cleared her throat before speaking. "Weir to Sheppard."
A moment later he replied, his tone distracted. "Yes, Elizabeth? I'm not going to forget about the meeting you told me about two minutes ago."
"No, John. You need to get to your email. It's important."
"Elizabeth, are you okay?"
She paused, considering how truthfully she should answer his question, and decided on the simple truth. "No, John. No, I'm not. Check your email before you come to the meeting."
"Okay…" he said. "I'll be there in ten. Sheppard out."
Scrolling back to the top, she began to read again, this time slowly, as she tried to come to grips with what was before her.
With her heart in her throat, she continued reading.
xxx
Shaking his head, John Sheppard turned toward his quarters, knowing that was the closest computer. Elizabeth had sounded weird, and he didn't like that. He'd spent the past few hours with Ronon and Teyla trying to come up with a plan to get into the hive. They'd finally come up with something, but there were so many variables.
But he had to do something.
Tapping his radio, he spoke. "Ronon?"
"Here, Sheppard."
"Teyla still with you?"
"Yeah, we were heading to the conference room for the meeting."
"Elizabeth wanted me to take a look at something in email before-hand. You might want to get to a computer."
A groan echoed over the line.
"I know you don't like them, but they're necessary. Weir said it was important."
"We shall. Teyla out."
John signed off as he entered his quarters, heading for his laptop. He'd left it running so it was just a matter of opening his email.
Sure enough there were several new messages including one from Elizabeth and one from Rodney.
Scowling, he clicked on the second message, his frown only deepening as he read. Surprise, anger, and hurt rushed through him as he continued to read.
Forcing himself away from the desk as he read the final salutation, John stormed to the other side of the room, pushing his hands through his hair as he tried to pull his wildly, flailing emotions into some modicum of control. No wonder Elizabeth had sounded off. This kind of email would do that to you.
Stalking back across the room, he slammed the laptop closed and headed for the door, his long strides eating up the floor.
What the hell had Rodney been thinking? What had been going on in that genius head of his? Unless this rescue operation worked—and he'd be damned if it wasn't going to—they'd never get the chance to find out.
xxx
Radek Zelenka walked through the halls of Atlantis to the conference room, Major Lorne at his side.
They'd been silent even since they left Rodney's quarters, each lost in their own thoughts. Radek carried the laptop, which had turned out to be a cornucopia of information—even more than they'd originally thought.
The idiot physicist needed to be rescued from the hive ship so Radek could pound some common sense into his thick skull.
He could feel the Major sending him several long looks, but he ignored them. He wasn't sure what he was going to say and he needed these few minutes to figure it out.
What had Rodney been thinking?
Gah! As soon as they found him alive and well, Radek was going to kill him.
xxx
Major Lorne took at seat next to the jumpy Czech once they got to the conference room, exchanging a brief greeting with Doctors Weir and Beckett. While Weir looked sick, Carson was practically grey, with hands clasped together on top of the table. Lorne guessed that was the only thing stopping them from shaking.
Sheppard stormed in a few seconds later, his face a cold mask of determination. "I'm not taking no for an answer, Elizabeth," he started, even before he found his seat.
"John, let's wait for the rest of the group," she replied, her normally level voice shaky, clearly demonstrating her frame of mind.
He opened his mouth to respond, but Ronon beat him to it, anger in his every movement in an every word as the strode into the conference room, Teyla close on his heels. "How could he do this?" he asked, a sheet of paper crunched up in his tightly-held fist.
Teyla settled herself at the table, worry and sadness evident in her eyes and body. Ronon refused to sit, instead choosing to pace in the space behind Carson's and Teyla's chairs.
They'd all left Rodney's seat empty. Out of respect or habit, Lorne wasn't sure. He was leaning toward the latter, however.
Doctor Weir cleared her throat, cutting off any answer to Ronon's question, all eyes turning to her as she pressed the button to close the conference room doors.
"I see you all have had the chance to read the email Doctor Zelenka forwarded to us," she paused, nodding toward the scientist. "I know for myself that I'm…disturbed and distressed to read such a document. Honestly, I never thought Rodney of all people would do anything like this."
"Actually, Elizabeth, I'm not sure I was surprised," Carson cut in, his eyes firmly focused on his hands. Even though he could probably feel everyone's stares he refused to glance up. "Hurt and angry, yes, certainly. I had hoped things would get away from us like they did."
"What do you mean?" Sheppard asked, turning sharply to glare at the Doctor, surprise and anger in his voice. "Are you trying to tell me that a member of my team is prone to suicidal behavior and no one thought it was prudent to inform me of this?"
"Prudent? Your team?" The Scott's eyes finally lifted, fire aimed across the table as his voice rose. "All of a sudden you're claiming Rodney as part of your team—"
"He's always been a part of my team."
"Until four weeks ago, I'd have to agree with you, but where have you been since then? Answer me that, Colonel."
"What are you trying to say? That I drove him to this?" Sheppard's eyes were wide and Lorne swore he could see steam exiting his senior officer's ears.
"I'm sayin' that your attitude toward him the last several weeks had an influence on his decisions."
"But he seemed fine," Weir said, her voice weary and resigned. "He was working. Nothing seemed wrong, or off with him."
"Aye, he did, until you looked close. I have to admit I did not pay attention as closely as I should have, knowing Rodney's personality. He's not the type to take failure well. For him to lose our trust, or even the appearance of it, would have been the final blow."
"What do you mean, Carson?" Weir asked, puzzlement on her face. "Could we have prevented this?"
He shrugged, his eyes drifting down.
"I believe Doctor Beckett is…concerned about your own feelings in this matter," Teyla spoke up, her voice quiet, sober. "Though he did not say a word to me, I could see in what he did not utter that he was worried about how Doctor McKay's…punishment after the events at Doranda would affect him." She paused, her lips thinning as she considered her words. "I believe the actions taken were unnecessary and excessive."
Sheppard shook his head as he rose from his seat anger and frustration pulsing through his lean frame. "Rodney's an adult and is well aware that with every action comes a consequence. We did what we had to do."
"But did you even think to temper your discipline with mercy?" Carson demanded, his blue eyes filled with his own anger. "Instead of taking the time to think things through you acted immediately and in anger."
"An example had to be set—"
"Aye, it did. I agree, but what you did…" Carson trailed off, shaking his head, as he physically tried to reign in his ire. "What you did demeaned Rodney. It did not teach him anything. Instead, it only told him that he's good for the city only when he can come up with some plan to save it. When he makes a mistake—and God, does he know how to make big ones—that's when he needs his friends the most, to help him move past it. What kind of friends and colleagues have we been lately to him? I hate to admit it, but with everything going on, he was the last thing on my mind."
"So, this all is because of us?" Sheppard asked, gesturing between him and Weir who had grown substantially paler through the proceedings.
"It is because of all of us," Zelenka said quietly, pulling his glasses off and rubbing the bridge of his nose. "For better or worse, your men follow your lead, Colonel. And the civilians take their lead from you Doctor Weir. We are all to blame."
"This is…ridiculous," Sheppard said, crossing his arms over his chest, turning his head away.
"Actually, sir," Lorne said, shifting in his chair, "it's not. You assigned me to guard Doctor McKay when this all started and I've been keeping an eye on him ever since." He glanced around the room, unnerved a little at the attention. "I thought he needed someone on his side since it was plainly obvious that no one else was."
He held his hand up, forestalling the arguments he saw forming from several people. "Please, hear me out. While I am shocked that this happened, I'm not overly surprised. Doctor McKay had been increasingly reclusive and temperamental over the past four weeks, and I know he wasn't getting enough sleep or eating properly. He always said he was busy when I called him on it, but now I'm not so sure. The scientists, the civilians, and the military personnel on good days treated him as if he didn't exist and on bad days made his life a living hell.
"And, I think the accident in the lab was the final straw."
"Major?" Carson prompted after he'd fallen silent for a long moment.
"After you released him from the infirmary, I followed him to the lab. Somehow I knew that's where he was going to go first." Lorne shrugged. "It's what I would have done. But when he was there, looking at the damage, something about him…in him…shifted. I don't know what exactly, but it was as if he'd finally made a decision about what was to come next." Lorne glanced down, focusing on his hands and fingers and the bloody corner of his cuticle where he'd picked at it until it bled.
Weir finally broke the thick silence, clearing her throat, but her voice was still unsteady. "I think we all might have to answer for this in our own way, but this leads me to one question: how do we plan on getting him home?"
"I have an idea about that, Doctor Weir," Zelenka said, raising a hand as his other one typed on the laptop. "Actually, it's Rodney's idea."
"McKay's idea didn't end so well," Ronon commented, finally sitting down at the table, resting his weight on his elbows.
"He wasn't able to finish before he was culled. He had been hoping that he'd have time to find the last piece he needed," Radek said, connecting a cord from the laptop to the overhead screen. "He was completing something the Ancients began."
"Haven't we seen this before?" John commented, standing with his arms over his chest. "I know how this particular scene ends."
"No, Colonel," Radek said, turning. "This is entirely different. This worked. The Ancients used it."
"So why did they stop if it was effective?" Weir asked.
"Two reasons: not enough time to produce the final component to the device—which Rodney was looking for. Secondly, the cost was too high. From the notes I've skimmed through, the Ancient's couldn't afford to lose any more people. The device had to be delivered in person and the courier—or couriers as the case usually was—many times did not have the ability to remove themselves from the hive ship before it was destroyed."
"Those are two very good reasons, Doctor Zelenka. Why do you think this might work in our favor?"
"From what I understand, the Ancients were relying on cullings to get the device onto the hive and at the end, when they finally had it available as a weapon, they did not use the jumpers in offensive battles. They needed them for defense of Atlantis and other key installations. They didn't have any to spare."
"So you're saying we use the jumper," Lorne said, following the scientist's line of thought.
"Yes," he replied, nodding. "We need to complete the device, which means going back and retrieving the other component from M3D-218. Rodney had the exact location within the base on his tablet."
"And then?" Sheppard asked, scowling.
"And then once it's completed we fly the cloaked jumper into the hive, rescue Rodney, place the charge, and leave. It will do the rest for us."
"That simple, eh?" the Colonel commented, but didn't argue.
"Radek," Carson began, his voice hesitant. "What exactly is this weapon?"
"A virus."
"It's a bio-weapon?" Lorne swore Weir's eyes couldn't get any bigger.
"Actually, it is a nano-virus programmed to only affect Wraith systems. Since most of their technology is based on living components, this weapon will be most effective. And from what I can tell, the last sample is on the base. We only have one opportunity to attempt this." Zelenka aimed his final look at Weir, holding her gaze as he waited for her approval or dismissal.
A full minute of silence passed before she responded. Her lips set in a thin line, she nodded sharply. "I don't see any other options. Let's do this."
xxx
It wasn't long before the rumors flew though the base. Atlantis was a small, closed community. It would have been odd for nothing to be said.
It started as whispers in dark corridors, two figures in hushed conversation. Those two quickly became four and multiplied into eight, growing exponentially with every passing moment. Small groups led to larger ones, where opinions were shared—sometimes loudly—and fought for.
But through it all, one thing was clear. While many did not think Rodney had had it in him to sacrifice himself in this regard, they were thankful, grateful, that he had. While they viewed him as an arrogant ass, at least he had attempted to use his genius to save them—albeit temporarily.
Granted, as soon as they heard the Hive was on its way, things changed once again. Instead of sacrificing himself for the greater number, now he'd only managed to bring the Wraith down on them sooner rather than later.
First he was a martyr and a hero, but now he was the bringer of their destruction.
From the conversations in the mess hall to the ones in the corridors, each and every time he heard praise for Rodney's actions and then intense criticism, his anger continued to blaze brighter and stronger.
Because each time he heard those conversations was just another reminder that he'd failed in his job as a team leader and friend. Never should McKay, a civilian, have been placed in such a position.
But it had happened, and he needed to—wanted to—know why.
It took him several hours to track down Lorne. He needed a full explanation of what had transpired over the past four weeks and it seemed like the Major was the only one who knew something was going on with their resident genius—and hadn't mentioned a thing.
He'd tried the obvious places first—Lorne's quarters, the mess, the control room—but no one had seen him since the meeting. Technically, he was off-duty and Sheppard's questions could wait until morning—they had plenty of time to talk until the hive stopped for its hyperspace pause.
But, he needed to do this now.
Tapping his radio, Sheppard waited a moment for the channel to open before he spoke. "Sheppard to Lorne."
He was about ready to try again when the response came, the Major's voice tight. "Lorne here. What can I do for you, sir?"
"We need to talk."
"Sir?"
"Where are you?"
There was a long pause before Lorne answered and Sheppard knew the man was fighting to remain civil. He remembered the accusatory look he'd given him over the briefing room table. "I'm in the storage lab with Doctor Zelenka going over Rodney's notes of the Ancient device."
Sheppard turned, heading back down the corridor he'd just walked down. The transporter at the end of the hall would be able to get him to the lab on the other side of the city. Thankfully they'd picked a remote, but easily accessible location for the storage of the devices they'd brought back.
"Good. Stay there. I'll be there in five."
Sheppard clicked off, not waiting for the other man's reply. And, after a brief transport, he was standing in the doorway.
"Lorne, Radek" he said, nodding to the two men as he stepped into the room. They glanced up toward him, Zelenka barely acknowledging his presence whereas Lorne straightened in his chair, meeting his gaze evenly.
"You wanted to talk, Colonel?" he finally asked, breaking the awkward silence in the room.
"Yes. I think you need to tell me what's been going on."
"Sir, you might need to be more specific."
Sheppard's jaw clenched, his eyes flashing a warning. "I think you know exactly what I'm talking about. Why don't we take a walk, Major?"
Lorne's eyes narrowed, his arms crossing over his chest. Radek kept his head down, continuing to tap on the computer keyboard while the two men baited each other. "This conversation may be better suited to a more public place, sir."
"Lorne…" Sheppard growled, his tone and posture indicating just how this whole situation was pissing him off. The Major, however, knew this was as far from a professional inquiry as you could get.
"Whatever I have to say can be said right here."
"Fine," he finally said, moving closer to the workbench, his palms resting on top. "Why didn't you tell me something was up with McKay? And feel free to speak freely. We're both off-duty."
"What's there to say? You were on a mission and then we've all been busy with the illness."
"But you obviously thought the situation was important enough to keep an eye on it."
Lorne shrugged. "Not as close an eye as I should have."
"What happened to McKay?"
"What do you want to hear, Colonel?" Lorne asked, bitterness in his voice. "The one time Doctor McKay needed his friends the most, they all turned their backs on him. Do you think he didn't notice, wouldn't notice, that the few people who were treating him like a human being were suddenly gone?"
"It's not like the world is going to come to a stop just because McKay's not in the thick of things. There were missions, treaties. We couldn't just sit and wait." Sheppard shot back, his own words sounding like the excuses he knew they were.
"Your mission to 218 wasn't scheduled until last minute. I can check the mission logs if you want me to make sure. Or I can ask Teyla or Ronon. I'm sure they know what was planned and what wasn't," Lorne replied, his words clipped. "And my trip to the mainland with Doctor Beckett wasn't due for another week, yet we were all gone at the same time. Coincidence? I don't think so."
"Are you saying that Elizabeth and I changed the mission schedule to make things harder on McKay?"
"You said it, sir," Lorne said, raising an appraising eyebrow.
"I don't like what you're implying, Major."
"So should we talk in plainer terms? You and Doctor Weir were angry and you wanted to make sure Rodney got the message loud and clear. Well, sir, I think you can safely assume he did, but it might not have been the message you wanted him to hear. Do you have any idea what it took to get him to eat regularly, or even go in public? He was humiliated, shunned by the people he thought were his friends, and instead of lending a hand when he was down, you just left him there at the mercy of whatever your staff threw at him. I'm not sure what orders you gave the men on guard duty, but you managed to terrorize McKay even when you were on another planet."
"What are you talking about?"
"When I got back from the mainland, McKay would barely talk to me. He had hardly slept and was more irritable than I'd ever seen him. And whatever it was they were doing had grated on McKay so much that he took apart his door chime with his bare hands."
"I didn't tell them to do anything of the sort," he said, the words coming out more like a whisper than a statement.
"News to me, sir."
"Do you actually think I'd do something as petty as that?" he asked, the anger building once again. "What kind of person do you think I am?"
"I'm not sure you want me to answer that, Colonel."
John narrowed his eyes. "Try me."
Lorne glanced over briefly to Zelenka who was trying to duck into the laptop. He'd already moved several feet away, aiming toward the door. John didn't blame the Czech. If he could leave he would, but he needed to clear the air now. This had already gone too far.
"I could use several words to describe what you did to someone who was supposed to be your friend, but I think I'll keep them to myself." Lorne's expression was hard, his eyes harder. "Rodney tried to make things right, tried to apologize, but both you and Doctor Weir—two people whose opinion Rodney values more than you know—shot him down. He knew he'd screwed up and he understood the magnitude of what he'd done, but it was a mistake and one I doubt he will ever repeat. It was a harsh lesson to learn, but he learned it—on his own."
"I trusted him and what did he do? He abused the trust I'd given him, manipulating me to get what he wanted—another shot at that Nobel Prize."
"Is that what you keep telling yourself was his motivation?" Lorne shook his head. "Sure, you trusted him, but just because he was wrong does that make your trust misplaced? If that's the case then I sure as hell shouldn't trust anyone here because in one way or another everyone's done something wrong, made a mistake. We're all human. And honestly, how can you blame him for trying to do something, anything, to help us survive the Wraith? Do I have to remind you who it was who woke them up early in the first place?" Lorne's face took on a knowing expression, his eyes softening a hair. "I think there's something else behind your anger and I'm not sure you're looking in the right place."
"So this is all about me now?"
"If circumstances were different, do you honestly think Rodney would go on a suicide mission? We're talking about the man with the largest sense of self-preservation in two galaxies. But I don't think you gave him much of a choice. Even back at work, he was no longer part of a team. He worked on his own more than with others. He was withdrawing from everyone and everything."
"You saw it, why didn't you do something about it? Why didn't you tell me about it?"
"I did what I could, what he'd let me do. And you wouldn't have listened."
The silence grew for a moment before Lorne glanced away, his eyes sliding down to his tightly clasped hands for a beat before he looked back up.
"I tried. Beckett tried. Radek tried." At the sound of his name, Zelenka flinched, but Lorne kept going, not noticing. "But he wanted nothing to do with us. Do you know what Rodney wanted? Your friendship. Your approval. To know there was a way—any way—to earn back your trust and your respect. But you never gave him the opportunity."
"So, what, he figured this would put him back into my good graces? That doing this idiotic stunt would make me trust him again?"
"No, sir, I don't think that was it. In his mind, he was probably trying to give you the best he had to offer. If, through this one act, he was able to save Atlantis, I think that was going to be enough for him. He was looking for redemption, Colonel, maybe even a little bit of atonement for what he'd done wrong. So, he chose to do your…our job, our duty—to protect the city against the threat of the Wraith at all costs." Lorne took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. "And I think, I've said more than enough. If I was out of line, then do what you will. You did come looking for my opinion, sir."
Sheppard nodded once, his jaw aching from the tension in his entire body. "I came looking for answers, but it seems that I'm not going to find them here."
"No, sir," Lorne said, shaking his head. "I think the only person who can answer your questions is on that hive ship."
"Then I suggest we'd find a way to get him out of there alive and well, because I seriously need to have a talk with that man."
"We're working on it, sir." Lorne paused. "Although, there is other thing."
"What?"
"If he is still alive and we do manage to get him out of there, he might not want to talk to you. If I were in his position, I honestly don't think I would."
"Let's first get him home, then we can worry about whether or not he talks to us. How about that?"
Lorne nodded. "Sounds like a plan, sir."
xxx
The next two days went by in a blur. While Zelenka and his team worked at figuring out the device Rodney'd found, another team had gone back to 218 to locate the last component for the weapon. They'd avoided the Mazurkians for now. Right now they only had time to deal with one problem. Everything else could wait until later.
It was certainly easy to find it this time around since they had the exact location within the base—at least once they figured out how the Ancients had coded everything.
A few hours before the hive ship was scheduled to drop out of hyperspace, they all met in the briefing room, the final pieces of the plan coming together.
"So, let me understand this," Weir said, glancing between Sheppard, Lorne, and Zelenka. "You plan on flying a cloaked jumper into the dart bay, and once you're there locate Rodney—if he's actually alive—plant the bomb and leave."
Sheppard nodded. "And all without the Wraith knowing we're there, yes."
"That's the plan?" Weir's eyebrow rose.
"That's the plan."
"That's not much of a plan," Carson muttered from his position at the far end of the table. He'd finally managed to vaccinate everyone on the mainland and in the city against the virus, and it seemed to be working. It had taken a lot of time and some tweaks along the way with certain persons who were more resistant than others, but it looked like they'd finally beaten it. In addition, Beckett had been trying to learn more about the nano-virus. If they could replicate it they'd have an incredible weapon against the Wraith. The technology, however, was still a ways ahead of them. Beckett had given it his best shot though, and looked like he'd run a marathon.
"What did you expect?" Sheppard asked, turning toward the doctor.
"Something a little less insane maybe."
"We don't have many options here."
"Rodney could be anywhere on that ship."
"We'll find him."
"He might not even be alive and you could be risking your life for nothing."
John's eyes narrowed. "He's alive and we're going to find him."
"And what if you're caught?" Weir asked.
"We won't go down without a fight and we'll make sure the device is planted and detonated. The hive will not reach Atlantis. You have my word."
Elizabeth glanced around the room, her eyes meeting everyone's before she nodded slowly, her shoulders slumping a little more. "Very well. I think you should get ready. There's not much time." She paused, offering a hopeful smile. "Bring him home, John."
The scraping of chairs against the floor was her only response as everyone quickly moved to finish the work that had to be done before Jumper One left the bay.
xxx
Radek Zelenka was putting the final touches on the Ancient device when Colonel Sheppard walked in, Major Lorne a few paces behind.
"Are you ready?" he asked even before he crossed the threshold into the lab. "We need to be there before the hive arrives."
"I am finishing now," he replied, closing down the last compartment. "Do you remember what I said?"
Lorne nodded. "Once we hit the button we'll have ten minutes to get out."
"And there's no way to turn it off," Sheppard added.
"Yes. I would also suggest you get as far from the ship as possible since I do not know exactly what will happen to the hive ship once it is infected. The Ancient database was not specific, only mentioning that there was complete destruction of the target."
"Get away from the exploding hive ship. Got it, doc," Sheppard said, more to himself than anyone else.
Zelenka nodded, allowing Lorne to pick up the device, carefully placing it in his pack. Thankfully the trigger was an Ancient mental switch instead of a physical one. The last thing they wanted to do was accidentally set it off.
"I need to get a few other things, sir, and then I'll meet you in the jumper bay," Lorne said, already turning toward the door.
"Five minutes." Sheppard said, keeping his eyes on Radek even as the Major left the room.
"You wanted something else?" Zelenka asked after a moment when he realized that the other man was not leaving.
"Just to say thanks. This wouldn't be much of a rescue plan without your help."
"Thank Rodney when you find him. It was his idea."
"I'll do that," he nodded. A beat later he turned and headed out the door with a purposeful stride.
Radek closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Now, as long as the device works and they find Rodney perhaps things would get back to normal.
Maybe pigs would fly too.
xxx
Ronon was already in the jumper bay when John walked in. Flashing the Satedan a hard look, he brushed past him and headed toward the pilot seat. Footfalls followed him, and John knew the other man was standing several feet behind, most likely leaning against the bulkhead separating the front of the jumper from the back cargo area, his arms crossed over his chest.
When the silence and the weight of the other man's gaze became too much, he finally turned around, testiness in his voice. "What?"
"You were wrong, you know."
Turning back to the console, John tried to pretend he didn't know what the other man was talking about. But, after another minute he realized he couldn't. Sighing, he rubbed the back of his neck—right where Ronon was staring. "And your point?"
The warrior shrugged. "I don't have one."
"No?" John turned again, bracing a hand on the console, an eyebrow raised toward the other man. "You obviously had one if you brought the subject up."
"Just an observation."
"You do that a lot, don't you? Observe, I mean."
"The only way to learn."
John turned in his chair more, narrowing his eyes. "And what have you learned?"
Ronon held his gaze. "That anger defeats the best soldiers. That guilty men make bad friends. That through all your technological advances you haven't been able to move past basic human failings. And that trust is as fleeting as protection is from the Wraith."
"So, what exactly does this have to do with me?"
"Not everything is about you, Sheppard. Sometimes you forget that. Stop taking out your anger on McKay."
"It's his fault that we're in the middle of this mess," he said, waving his hand toward the front of the jumper. "If he'd only—"
"I thought you were smarter than this," Ronon said, cutting off whatever protest John was about to make.
"What?"
"What's the real problem, Sheppard?"
"What makes you think there's a problem?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Because you're still angry at him."
John's arms tightened involuntarily. "I have every right to be. First, he nearly killed the two of us when he wouldn't stop trying to fix the weapon. And now, I'm taking off on a damned rescue mission because he decided to play hero."
"Didn't have much of a choice."
"There're always choices." John hissed, refusing to believe he'd forced Rodney into the Wraith's hands. As if his ears weren't still stinging from Lorne's comments a few days ago.
"If he's still alive, you might want to ask him about that. From where I was, it sure didn't look like there were any."
He pushed words through gritted teeth. "I didn't make him do anything."
"It's not about you, Sheppard."
Several pairs of footfalls outside the jumper broke off any other conversation, and John turned back to the consoles, grateful for the interruption. Lorne and Teyla entered a beat later, their voices carrying to the front of the craft.
Lorne slid into the co-pilot's chair. "We're ready to go, sir," he said.
Throwing a glance over his shoulder, he hit the button to bring the rear hatch to its closed position.
"Jumper One to Flight. Permission to disembark."
xxx
TBC
