Jesse woke at the crack of dawn to find his feet tied to the bed, his feet still tied to the bed and mercifully Jamie gone. He untied himself and walked painfully to the bed. His bottom hurt from the violent rape the night before, and the burns on his stomach stung. He started the shower and began to violently sob. He didn't even care that the hot water hurt the burns on his stomach, he just wanted a shower. After two minutes of violent sobs, he cleaned himself off. He put some cream and Band-Aids on his burns got dressed and chugged a cup of coffee. The thought of eating any food made him want to vomit. I have nowhere to go he knows everything. He knows I went to Harvey's, he thought tempted to start crying again. He was shy for a lawyer and didn't have many friends beyond Jamie. Most of his friends were back in Ireland, where he couldn't flee too now. His father had disowned him so he couldn't go there. Mam had been killed visiting Belfast. The lack of options terrified him.
Mike and Rachel are friends, he thought. He did not know them well, but he liked them a lot. He decided that he'd put on a brave face. The time with Rachel and Mike can make the days bearable, he thought.
Mike sat in his office waiting for Jesse to arrive. It was the anniversary of the car crash that took his wonderful parents away from him and changed his life forever. He put his hands in his face trying to stop the tears, hoping Jesse wouldn't see him like this…."
"Mike are you okay?", a soft Irish accented voice asked. Mike looked up to see Jesse's brilliant green eyes full of concern. Mike decided not to lie, "No I'm not it's the anniversary of my parents' death. I lost them when I was 11. I'm not gonna be on my A-game today,".
Jesse's expression showed shock, then pity, and then another expression he couldn't place. Jesse walked over to Mike and put his arm around him," Oh, I'm so sorry Mike, whatever you're feeling its okay I know what you're going through."
Mike looked up in shock. "What!" he said, "You're serious?". Jesse nodded solemnly. "What happened?", Mike asked.
Jesse took a deep breath and began, "My mother was originally from Northern Ireland. You've heard of the Troubles, right?" Mike nodded and Jesse continued.
"Mam left when she was 18. She couldn't live in fear of the bombings anymore. She was a Catholic and felt safer in County Cork where she met my father, and I grew up. My grandmother never left Belfast. Even in the worst times. She was determined that no one would drive her out, she was born in Belfast and would die there. "
Jesse sighed sadly. "But one day in 1998, she couldn't take care of herself anymore, and mam went to move her down with us", Jesse said his voice cracking. "They had signed the Good Friday agreement, but it didn't go into effect until December 1999. "
A tear fell from his eye, but he went on," We never knew who did it the police said a loyalist paramilitary. But as Mam was moving my grandmother a pipe bomb detonated meters from them. They died instantly but there was hardly anything left to put in a casket."
Mike let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding, "I'm so sorry Jesse".
"Mike", Jesse asked shyly, "Do you mind if I ask what happened to your parents?"
"Car crash, hit by drunk driver", he replied. "I'm so sorry Mike that's horrible", Jesse said wrapping Mike into a hug. Mike was overcome by the sudden kindness.
"The worst part was the lawyer came in and reduced my parents lives to a few thousand dollars", Mike said tearily. "That's awful Mike, no money in the world could be enough", Jesse said sadly.
"The worst part for me was when the police told me the motive", Jesse said his voice shaking, "they said it was probably Protestant unionists who wanted to kill Catholics. It makes me so angry; they had done nothing to them they were just different. They didn't see human beings with feelings they just saw Catholics and thought that was enough to kill them. "
Mike hugged Jesse back. The two stayed silent for a while. No words needed to be said. Jesse broke the silence," Mike you can talk to me anytime about it." Mike smiled gratefully, and the two started working on the case.
Jesse went home that night wishing he could stay at work forever. Jamie was there standing in the kitchen. Jesse tried to hide his fear. Jamie was completely different tonight, pleasant and sweet, and not the horrid monster he was the night before. Jesse was astonished as Jamie kissed him and called him Liebchen. He had once loved the pet name but now it made his flesh crawl. "Liebchen make dinner", Jamie commanded. Not wanting to risk his wrath Jesse complied. Jamie asked how his day went. Given that he knew he had worked with Harvey the other night, Jesse told the truth. Jamie had someone following him or someone inside the firm watching him. He told him about comforting Mike that morning and braced himself for the possibility that his jealous and paranoid boyfriend would hit him. But Jamie merely smiled and kissed Jesse. "You are so kind Liebchen that's why I love you", Jamie said," I'm glad you have friends at work. Mike and Rachel are okay for you to hang out with, but not Harvey. If you need to see Harvey for work its okay, but you need to tell me and no drinks alone with Harvey. I'm just keeping you safe Liebchen, I love you so much.
Jamie kissed his head. Jesse nodded not wanting to provoke him. 25 minutes later the stir fry he was cooking finished. His stomach was rumbling. Pouring out equal portions for him and Jamie he joined his boyfriend by the table and began eating. Jamie took his plate away. "No Liebchen too much you need to be thinner", he said pouring half of Jesse's plate into his own. Jesse just nodded, and the two ate in silence.
Jamie watched his boyfriend go to bed. Of course, he didn't think Jesse was too heavy, he was very thin. But in his sick mind he theorized that keeping Jesse underfed would make him easier to overpower and control. He felt a tightness in his crotch and realized that he wanted sex. He knew Jesse would be too afraid to refuse him, so he gruffly woke up and the terrified man complied even if unwillingly.
The next few months went like this. Jesse complied as much as possible. He was allowed to hang out with Rachel and Mike, using the allowance that Jamie gave him. Jamie allowed him to go to church too. He was only given a beating occasionally but at least the lighter never came out again. It wasn't until Harvey, who always pretended to be emotionless and uncaring began to pry was this new balance upset.
Harvey decided to call Jesse into his office. He had begun to worry about the kid now. Mike and Rachel had also expressed worry. A few months ago, he had been working late and Jesse had rolled up his sleeves to reveal bruises. The kid walked in in and greeted him, but Harvey's worry increased tenfold. Like Mike and Rachel had said the kid had started to lose a lot of weight, and he could see they were right. Jesse was already a very skinny man already, but he was practically swimming in his suits now. He looked young for his age, but his face had become gaunt making him look younger.
"Hey Irish boy were going out for lunch I'm paying", he said. A look of true panic crossed the kid's face, "Oh no, sir I have so much work…", he stammered.
"You're coming", Harvey said firmly, and the kid gulped. Harvey knew something was up now. He wouldn't get that look of panic if everything was on the up and up. The kid complied.
Jesse was in an absolute panic. He was terrified of what Jamie would do to him if he found out. Somehow, he found out that he had gone to Harvey's place, it wasn't outside the realm of possibility he'd find out about this. He forced his panic down. Harvey being a man of extravagant taste took him to an expensive Korean restaurant. Fuck, fuck, fuck Jamie will smell it the stuff reeks! he thought. Stay calm and just think about this. You can figure this out Jesse you're a fucking Harvard graduate! arvard HH
With that thought, Jesse took a deep breath and decided to just enjoy the treat for the time being.
Harvey and Jesse walked into the restaurant, and as Harvey knew the owner, a middle-aged Korean woman, he got a table immediately. He had picked the place as he had heard from Mike and Rachel that the Irishman had an affinity for outrageously spicy food. He offered to pay and pulled out cash, not his card which for some reason Harvey found very strange. He tried to pick something cheap, but Harvey didn't let him.
Harvey decided to joke around," I'm surprised that you can eat this I thought Irish people could only eat boiled meat and potatoes. "The young Irishman let out his distinctive high pitched cackle making Harvey laugh. "Oh, I wonder about you sir, should such an elderly man as you be eating this?" The food came and Mike texted. Harvey went to the bathroom to answer him. He came back, but a mere five minutes later Mike texted again, and Harvey returned to the bathroom. When he returned Jesse had a mischievous look on his face.
"Should I have Donna schedule an appointment with your proctologist oldie, that's the second time in a few minutes", Jesse said grinning. Harvey rolled his eyes. He liked the banter; the kid was quite funny when he got out of his shell.
They started quoting movies, and Harvey made Jesse laugh hysterically by quoting Boondock Saints with a horrible Irish accent. The was tears in his eyes and Harvey was laughing as well. The young Irishman's laugh was contagious, and he lit up a room when he was happy. He was able to see why Mike and Rachel were fond of him.
The check came and then the two left. Jesse seemed more relaxed. When they got to the office, Jesse got out first. Harvey was about to get out when he noticed Jesse freeze and stare off into the distance, a look of pure panic on his eyes, and his face becoming white as a sheet. Harvey becoming concerned got out and slammed the car door shut. The sound got Jesse's attention, and he looked over at Harvey with horror. Jesse wiped the look off his face, but Harvey could tell he was terrified. He walked over to a 6-foot five man who enveloped him in a hug and gave him a kiss. It was Jamie the kid's boyfriend. He walked past them, watching them talk animatedly. A few minutes later Jesse ran in. He asked the kid if everything was okay, but he kept insisting everything was alright.
Jesse walked home that night feeling like a condemned man walking to his execution. Stopping in front of his apartment door, he took a deep breath, prayed a quick prayer, while making the sign of the cross, and entered his apartment hoping for the best. Unfortunately, his prayers weren't answered. Jesse had no time to react before the fist hit him in the face with such force that it knocked him to the floor. He attempted to get up, but Jamie's foot kicked him viciously in the side several times, taking his breath away. He did a crab crawl backwards and managed to briefly get up, but Jamie grabbed him and pushed him against their counter. Jesse thrashed, trying to get away but it was no use.
"Why were you with him you whore?", Jamie bellowed. "Jamie it was nothing… I swear", his boyfriend stammered before Jamie slapped him powerfully across the face.
"Try again", Jamie said menacingly.
"He invited me to lunch and didn't give me a choice", Jesse said. Jamie slapped him again and continued to scream, "You always have a choice whore." He slapped Jesse seven more times in a row.
"Make me dinner you slut", he said," And you're staying home till that bruise fades, I will forge a doctor's note." Jesse nodded listlessly and fought to keep the tears down. He made Jamie dinner but couldn't eat himself. He sobbed himself to sleep.
He awoke the next morning to Jamie having handcuffed his feet to the bed, with a lighter in his hands. Jesse desperately struggled against him. "No Liebchen", he said a sickening smile on his face," You were naughty last night so you need another lesson".
"No Jamie please no!", Jesse sobbed before Jamie slapped him again. "No Liebchen you will take this. No screaming," Jamie said flatly.
He ran the flame down the skin of Jesse's already to small stomach. After what seemed like hours of absolute agony he stopped and gave Jesse a kiss. "You did so good Liebchen", he said, "Now I will go give the note to your boss." He uncuffed his feet, knowing that Jesse was too terrified to move and left. Jesse finally allowed the sobs to wrack his emaciated body.
Harvey sat at his desk waiting for Jesse to come in. The kid was a half hour late. Instead, a very tall, muscular man came into view. Jamie. The man handed him a doctor's note. "My Jesse is sick today he can't come in", Jamie told him with a cold smile. Harvey's blood went cold. Something was wrong. He called Vanessa as soon as Jamie left.
Jesse was shell shocked and not thinking straight. He was in so much pain, both physically and emotionally. His had once seemed so full of promise and hope, now seemed to portend nothing but unending agony, abuse and despair. No, he'd end it all today. He'd find a parking garage somewhere to jump off. He could be with Mam finally. He was disappointed that he wouldn't get to have an illustrious legal career, but he'd rather die than live the life he was living now. Only 25 years, he thought, such a waste. I guess I could've done worse.
He smiled sadly. His new friends would be sad. His cousins would be devastated. He didn't know about his father, as he disowned him after he came out. Jesse wondered if he would come to his funeral. He wondered who'd speak and what they'd say about him. The people he loved in his life would be angry at him, but he could accept that. It was better than the constant fear and torment he felt now from a person he once loved and thought loved him. When he looked at Jamie he didn't recognize him. Jamie always had a possessive streak, but he was kind, loving and sweet, far from the inhuman monster he now was. Where did that Jamie go?
He dressed himself in his best suit and walked out into the fresh spring day. Birds were chirping at last, and the sun was shining. It's not a bad day to die , he thought with a smile. That was his final thought before the world, went black and he entered the blissful world of unconsciousness.
