Warning: Themes of angst, moderate slash, swearing, suicide (minor character)
Pairing: The only pairing I ever do, Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. A few sub-pairings of Ron/Hermione, attempted Ginny/Harry (and by attempted, I mean only attempted)
Summary: Harry finds a spell that will allow him to have one day with no consequences because no one will remember it, including him. But things happen that he could never have predicted. Does he really want to forget after all is said and done? HPDM, 6th, no HBP
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, etc, etc. I do own the poetry featured here, though.
One Perfect Something
This Is Me
Hours later, when the clock struck one am, Harry woke up to find himself tangled in silken sheets with another's arms wrapped loosely around his waist. He turned his head and saw Malfoy's silvery-blond locks spread out across the pillow and trailing onto Harry's own shoulder. The strands were baby-soft, and appeared as if to be spun from the light of the moon. He shuddered, closing his emerald eyes against the sight: the emotion it called forth was primal and filled to the brim with feeling.
The feeling beating most strongly in his breast was that of the traitor, love. He wanted to crush it until there was nothing left but dust. Love did not belong in a world such as his – a cruel world of pain and despair, with death riding the heels of his bloodthirsty minions.
He, Harry Potter, did not love. Not anymore.
Draco shifted, his long hair sliding across Harry's collarbone. His arms moved from where they had been enfolding his lover's waist, to sleepily caress his chest. Harry looked, but the blond was still fast asleep.
And even asleep, his touch enflamed the raven-haired boy. Harry shivered, turning away to face the wall. Still, drowsy fingers ran lightly across smooth skin covering steely muscles.
If only his heart were as steely.
Clenching his fists, the Gryffindor slipped out of the luxurious bed and padded across the room to the steaming pool in the corner. Silently, he slid into the hot water and sighed. The love play he had participated in only hours ago had left signs on his young body. Scratches marred his back and chest, and his muscles had been well-used, so much as to ache and protest at too much movement. He couldn't remember ever feeling like this.
No, that wasn't true. A half-hazy memory drifted through his mind and he knew that this had only been a repeat. He and Draco had made love before, and it had been just as good. Just as heavenly.
He wanted to Obliviate himself. He couldn't be allowed to know any bit of heaven. Heaven was denied him; hell was his only refuge. Why couldn't Draco see that?
Closing his verdant eyes, Harry sunk under the surface of the water, but that only made him sink deeper into his thoughts. With the pressure of the water pressing against his ears, he lost himself inside his head.
Memories of how they had spent the last hours assaulted him and he knew he could not deny that he had enjoyed it. And he also knew that it was not only bodily that he had enjoyed it. They had had sex, true, but it hadn't been merely that. They had bonded to each other, giving up the entirety of themselves in a connection of understanding and companionship. The resulting feeling was enough to bring tears to Harry's tightly shut eyes.
If he was honest with himself . . .he knew that Draco's arms was the one place he had ever felt like he belonged.
And he wanted to rip out his heart and throw it away because how could the Boy-Who-Lived be with the son of a Death Eater? The world wouldn't care that Draco wanted nothing to do with Voldemort. The world would only look at them with fear and mistrust and say that the Malfoy heir had turned Harry dark and that the end of the world was at hand.
His chest burning with this utter certainty, Harry burst through the surface of the pool, gasping for air. Water slid down his face, and not all of it was fresh water. He clenched his hands into fists and pounded his right one against the tile of the floor next to the pool. The tile cracked and red seeped from brand new cuts on his already damaged hand.
Softly spoken words carried to his ears then, and he turned to see Malfoy sitting on the floor near him, his arms wrapped around his knees. "I remember we were happy."
Harry's breath stuttered. It wasn't only he that remembered that. But still . . . it made no difference. They had been happy, but it had to have been a false happy as they had both known that they would not remember that day. Because if Harry was completely frank, he knew that if they weren't who they were and didn't have the expectations heaped on them as they did, they could be happy together. It was entirely possible.
Yet not in reality. In reality they were who they were and did have the expectations they did.
Malfoy's voice assailed his ears again. "You were the one convincing me that emotions weren't weak. You were the one making me see that us being together wasn't wrong."
Harry turned his brilliant green eyes to lock with Draco's molten silver ones. "I was wrong."
The other boy shook his head, a slight frown furrowing his brow. "No. You weren't. You were being smart for perhaps the first time in your life."
Harry ignored the slight insult in his words, instead focusing on what he really meant. "I wasn't. I was lying to myself. And to you. How the fuck could you and I have a life together? Let's be honest here. I'm fucking Harry Potter, Boy Wonder, and you're Draco fucking Malfoy, son of the devil's right hand. I hate you."
Draco's eyes flashed, but his lips turned up in a secretive smirk. "Ah, really? Until the truth becomes a lie. And that once-truth is now a golden-coated lie."
In response, Harry turned his head away. His profile, tense and unyielding, stated that he did not want to listen to anymore. Draco merely opened his mouth again. "Until you change, until you deny, until you believe. I changed, Potter. I threw away all of my old beliefs, no matter that I still hide behind the mask of believing them. I denied. I denied my father and the Dark Mark. The day of my father's sentencing, I spit in Lucius' face and told him to rot in hell. And Voldemort? Let's just say that I'm apparently very high up on his hit list. And I guess the most changed thing is the fact that I, for the first time in my life, believe in the very things that for years I was taught to avoid and crush. Love. Hope. Happiness. Weakness. I am not who you thought . . . who you still in that dense head of yours think I still am."
Harry absorbed what he was saying, frowning. "Then why the hell do you still need to hide under your mask? You're free, then."
The silvery-haired Slytherin merely shook his head, an eyebrow raised in disdain. "I may not be a Death Eater, but I am a Malfoy. And not only that, but I am the Slytherin Prince, the highest ranking Slytherin. You Gryffindors may be blind to it, but Slytherin exists based on a delicate hierarchy. In 4th year, I became the Slytherin leader and with that duty comes great responsibility. I must remain infallible. If I show the least bit of weakness, all of the Slytherins who follow me, me and my beliefs, will denounce me. House war will erupt, and the Slytherin House will be torn apart. I refuse to let that happen, but while I have that responsibility on my shoulders, I'm still willing to have a relationship with you."
"But I'm not!" Harry shouted, his eyes blazing. "Don't you see what would happen if the world saw us together? They would crucify us!"
Draco snorted, his eyes narrowed. He scoffed, "And you care so much for appearances, don't you…Golden Boy? Why? All this "world" of yours does is put you on a fucking pedestal and heap more and more bloody ridiculous expectations on you. And you let them. You fucking let them turn you into their whipping boy. Why? Don't you have any pride?"
Harry leapt out of the pool, stalking towards the opposite wall. His back unyielding and his voice tense, he growled, "Pride? My pride is the only thing keeping me alive. But I am their savior. It is my duty. If I were to appear weak, they would lose all hope. I am their only hope against Voldemort! Without me, they will die."
"Oh, don't even give me that bullshit. So what if you're the only one who can kill him? Big fucking deal. Don't be a martyr. It doesn't suit you," Draco sneered.
The Gryffindor whirled around to face him, his jaw tight. With water droplets glistening on his muscled skin, he strode towards the blond. "You don't have the right to tell me jack shit, Malfoy."
Draco's face twisted into a mockery of a smile. "Oh really? I'm the only one who doesn't treat you like a toy soldier. I'm the only one who fucking understands you. So you know what? I think that gives me some right."
Harry's brilliant emerald eyes flashed and he grabbed his clothes furiously. Roughly, he pulled his boxers and trousers on, leaving the pants unbuttoned as he searched for his t-shirt. Then he remembered that the shirt was in tatters anyways and wouldn't be of much use. He swore.
Draco stared at him, his silver eyes burning into Harry with an intensity that the raven-haired boy could feel. His next words stunned the Gryffindor. "Do you hate me that much that you can't countenance being with me?"
Shock raced through Harry and he turned to gaze at the frowning Slytherin, wide-eyed. Hate him? It was the lack of hate that was causing him so much turmoil inside! He clenched his fists and shut his eyes. His chest burned and his heart pounded furiously. Hate? Not hate. Never hate. "Hate? You think it's hate that's the problem?"
"What else is it if it's not that? I'm willing to risk everything to be with you, and you're just throwing it back in my face! You know what, Potter? You only care about yourself! Did you know that? You're such a fucking hypocrite, it makes me sick!"
Harry grabbed Draco by the arms and shoved him against the wall. Pressing closely, his breath ghosting against the Slytherin's face, he snarled, "I don't hate you. I love you, and that's the problem! Because love doesn't fix anything! Love does nothing! It only hurts and makes you bleed and kills you!"
Draco's lips twisted into a bitter grimace, almost resembling a smile. "Love? You, the great Harry Potter, you don't love. Because if you truly loved, you'd know that it is enough. It saves you."
"Saves? Hah. It kills, Malfoy. It kills."
The silver-eyed young man wrenched himself from Harry's grasp, his eyes blazing a molten color. His voice hoarse, he shouted, "Then what about the Weasley's? Your parents? Granger and Weasley? Bill and Fleur?"
"You forget, my parent died!"
"But they loved! They loved each other, and they loved you, and they died knowing they'd loved and that they'd saved you!"
Draco's words slammed into Harry's head and he shut his eyes, falling to his knees. He was right. He was right.
Shaking his head, Harry whispered, "But how could it be enough for me? Love can't save me from Voldemort, from my destiny."
Warm arms surrounded him and he fell back into Draco's gentle embrace. Lips pressed to his temple, before they opened to murmur, "But it can keep you going when you feel like all hope is gone. Love can comfort you when you just want to give up. Love can keep you alive, keep you feeling when you can't feel anything else."
Calmness spread through the savior of the wizarding world and he sighed. "When did you become so wise?"
Lips quickly pressed against his cheek, sliding to touch his lips, before lifting just enough for the Slytherin to say, "I stole it from you."
Harry chuckled softly. "Oh really? Can I have it back?"
"Someday…maybe. I kind of like it."
They sat there for several minutes, just reveling in the newfound peace their acceptance of their love gave them. Then, thoughts began swirling through Harry's head and he frowned. What Draco had told him about the Slytherin House troubled him. Gryffindor House had a similar hierarchy, but it wasn't as rigid as Draco made his House's to be.
"Draco, Gryffindors have a hierarchy too. Is yours so different? Because in ours, while the leader must be strong, House war wouldn't break out if that leader were seen to do something out of character," he said, worrying his lip.
Draco sighed, shifting so that they were facing each other. His eyes were shadowed as he searched for the easiest way to explain things. "I've observed your House's hierarchy, and I know that you're the leader. Your hierarchy works in that it has a leader, a second-in-command, third-in-command, and Enforcers who look after the weaker members of the House."
Harry nodded, not very much surprised that Draco knew so much about his House, even though he knew almost next to nothing about Slytherin House. "Yes. Are you saying yours is different?"
The silver-eyed boy nodded, running his fingers lightly across Harry's right hand absent-mindedly. "Like you, We have a leader, his second-in-command, and his third-in-command. We also have Enforcers, like you, but then the rest of the House is divided into alphas and subs. Our subs are protected by the alphas, but must strictly follow the rules or else be punished or left unprotected. It's a harsh system, but one that prepares Slytherins for the real world."
The other boy frowned, his brows furrowing in thought. "Ours is still very similar Draco. Our subs must follow the rules as well."
"But is your leader given basically absolute power? No. You may rule over everyone else, but you still look to your second and third for advisement. I do not. They are there to keep me in line and pass on my orders, not to help me be leader. If they saw weakness in me, my second in command would immediately challenge me to a duel in order to take over my position, as I would be considered unworthy."
"You would win, though," Harry protested, tangling his fingers with Draco's.
The Slytherin sighed, running his free hand through his silky hair. "Yes, but my weakness would be visible to the entire House, and the House would divide into those allied with me, and those allied with my second. Chaos would break out, Slytherin House would weaken, and the subs would be caught in the crossfire."
Finally understanding, Harry let out a breath. "So loving me would be seen as weak?"
Draco nodded, his eyes dimmed. "Yes. Love is not an emotion most Slytherins understand. It is seen as fallibility. They understand things like money, status, and power."
Silence fell between the two, until Harry suddenly grinned. "Then what if we present our relationship as an alliance? The teachers have been attempting to promote House unity for ages, and both of our Houses, while they might not be keen on the idea of uniting, would definitely understand the power advantages. Your House does follow your views on the war, do they not?"
"I spent the entire beginning of the school year persuading them. They follow me absolutely."
Harry's mind whirled with the implications of the entire Slytherin House denouncing Voldemort. That had to be a great loss to him, as he would have no new recruits from those powerful pureblooded families. "Then your House would have to see that by allying themselves with Gryffindor, they would have a stronger advantage against Voldemort."
Draco leaned into the Gryffindor, placing a quick kiss on his lips. "Brilliant! I'm amazed I didn't think of that. They'll definitely understand the power angle."
Jade eyes glittering, Harry smirked. "Let's just say I'm a genius. And since I'm such a genius, I think we should work on solidifying this alliance of ours."
His lover ran his tongue across his teeth, a little grin curling the edges of his rosebud-shaped lips. "Oh really? And how would you like to go about doing that?"
Harry pulled him closer, his warm breath fanning Draco's face. "I have some ideas." And with that, he pressed a full-mouthed kiss against his gorgeous lips.
The next day rolled around all too quickly, and both boys immediately got to work on making the alliance a reality. At breakfast, Harry walked over to the Gryffindor table and before sitting down, leant down between Ron and Hermione, whispering, "House meeting at 7 o'clock. Mandatory for all."
His second and third-in commands swung their heads to look at him, perplexed. Full House meeting? There hadn't been one since the previous June, before the Department of Mysteries. Wondering at what could be so important as to warrant such a meeting, they nodded. Ron patted his best friend on the shoulder, grinning. "I'll get the word around, don't you worry about that, mate!"
Harry smiled back at him, approval shining in his emerald eyes. "Good. Glad I can count on you."
Hermione quirked her lips at the light tone in his voice. "You sound happy, Harry. While I'm glad you're feeling better, what's got you all lit up?"
He moved away, sliding onto the bench beside her. "Oh, you'll find out at the meeting, 'Mione."
With that, he started piling food onto his plate. The conversation dismissed, Hermione was left to gaze at her friend in puzzlement. A burning curiosity burned through her and suddenly she couldn't wait for the meeting that night. It had to be something big for Harry to be acting so normal again, especially after his outburst with Malfoy in Charms the day before. And his explosion at Malfoy on Saturday.
Meanwhile, over at the Slytherin table, Draco was sitting in his usual seat. A cold smirk was settled on his aristocratic features as he watched the happenings over at the Gryffindor table. Things were going to plan. Now only for his part of things. He turned his head to his second-in-command, his eyes as cold as ice.
Blaise Zabini looked up from his eggs, feeling the gaze of his Prince on him. "Yes?" he questioned.
"There will be a full House meeting tonight at 7 o'clock," Draco commanded, his long, slender fingers playing with his fork almost absent-mindedly.
Pansy Parkinson, sitting on Draco's left side, raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. "A full meeting? May I ask what the occasion is?"
His third-in-command, she wondered at what the reason could be for the Slytherin Prince to call for another full meeting and the school year not half over. The first one had been eventful as it were, so what changes would be brought about with this one?
The silver-eyed leader elegantly speared a sausage with his fork as he answered her, "I'm not one to ruin surprises, darling Pansy."
Her brows furrowed into a frown. She knew not to press him, but her mind worked furiously as she attempted to figure out what could be so important as to call a full meeting over it. She also wondered at the delightfully icy smirk gracing Draco's features. He seemed almost…excited?
Classes went by fast, and amazingly enough, there were no altercations between the Slytherin Prince and Gryffindor's Golden Boy. It puzzled both of the proud Houses, but they let the matter drift off to the back corners of their minds as they pondered over each's respective House meetings that night.
At seven o'clock sharp, Harry strolled into the Gryffindor common room to find his entire House assembled in the spacious area. He smiled, nodding in satisfaction. Promptness was something he admired greatly, and expected of his Housemates.
Clasping his hands behind him, he made his way to the dais Hermione had conjured for the meeting. Gracefully, he sat down on the plush armchair that was highest. In similar, yet more simplistic versions of his chair, Hermione and Ron sat on either side.
Harry smiled at each of them and then turned to face the crowd of people. He cleared his throat, praying that things would go well. He knew they would follow him in the end, but how hard would that struggle to get them to be? "Gryffindors, I welcome you to this meeting, and I hope you all listen with receptive ears."
Slight frowns curved many students' lips as they wondered what they would need to be so receptive about. They were soon to find out.
"I have called you here tonight because last night I have entered into an alliance that will change Gryffindor House permanently."
He stopped speaking then, letting his Housemates absorb what he had just said. Almost immediately, shocked whispers broke out. From beside Harry, Hermione hissed, "What do you mean, "an alliance that will change Gryffindor House permanently?" And why in the blazes didn't you consult us first!"
Harry gazed at her, his eyebrow raised. "While it may be my common practice to talk things over with you first, it is not required that I do so."
He then turned back to face the crowd of Gryffindors, and spoke again, "I have entered into an alliance that will change the shape of the war against the Death Eaters. It is an alliance that brings great power. It is an alliance with Slytherin."
Horror spread across the students assembled in the common room, and Ginny Weasley burst out, "Are you out of your mind? They would never ally themselves with us!"
Harry rose to his feet and his look quelled the red-haired girl. "Last night, Draco Malfoy agreed to ally his House with ours against Voldemort. Even now, he is holding a meeting just like this one to tell his people of the alliance."
"He is lying! He would never denounce the Death Eaters,mate! It's a trap!" Ron burst out.
Brilliant emerald eyes narrowed. Both Weasleys doubting him? "Do you think me daft, Ron? I know lying when I see it, and in this, Draco Malfoy is sincere. The whole of Slytherin House is against Voldemort because of him! With Slytherins' help, we have a real chance at winning!"
Hermione spoke up then, her voice soft and yet very controlled. "Just yesterday you both hated each other. What has changed?"
There was no condemnation in her voice, only puzzlement, and Harry's anger drained away. "I accepted that my hate was not merely hate, but love."
Gasps broke out and Hermione stared at him, her brown eyes searching. "You love him? After what he has done to you? What pain Slytherin House has caused Gryffindor House?"
Harry nodded, crossing his arms. "Yes. But don't think we made this alliance because of our love. We made it because it will be advantageous to both our Houses. We are the two greatest Houses at this school. We are the most powerful, the best. Together we can do anything."
She considered his words for a moment before standing and walking over to him. A smile curved her generous lips and she stated so that the entire House could hear, "Then I am with you." And in a whisper that only he could hear, she told him, "Don't you know that I always am?"
Harry grinned, and turned to face his other best friend. Ron was staring at him, frowning and looking almost lost in thought. "You love him?"
The leader of Gryffindor bent his head in affirmation, and Ron sighed. "I can't understand your reason for loving the ferret, but I also can't deny that an alliance with Slytherin would benefit us greatly. I'm with you."
Happiness thrummed through Harry and his brilliant emerald eyes twinkled. When he turned to face the crowd of Gryffindors, he was met by cries of encouragement and agreement. They were with him. His House was with him.
While the scene in Gryffindor was playing out, another one was going on down in the dungeons. The whole of Slytherin House was assembled in their common room, and Draco sat on his own dais. His seat was an actual throne, made of the purest silver and obsidian. It was gorgeous, and as old as Hogwarts itself.
A sliver of apprehension ran through Draco as he wondered what his House's reaction was going to be, but he hid it beneath his usual icy exterior. Standing, he motioned for his Housemates to quiet, and then he began. "I have called you here tonight to tell you of an alliance I have made that will bring Slytherin House great power and strength. Last night, I met with the leader of Gryffindor House, and we forged an alliance between us."
Furious whispering broke out as the assembled students tried to absorb what their leader was telling him. An alliance with Gryffindor?
Pansy Parkinson stared at her Prince in astonishment. Of all the reasons for calling a full meeting, this was something she could never have predicted. An alliance with the lions? Was he out of his mind?
"Draco Lucius Malfoy, what is the meaning of this?" she hissed in an undertone at him. He turned his head to gaze at her, an eyebrow raised imperiously. "What is the meaning of this, dear Pansy? Well, I think it's perfectly clear. I have made an alliance with Potter, and his lions."
A lazy voice drawled from the chair to the right of the throne, where Blaise Zabini sat slouched. "I think what she means to ask is why you have done this. It's terribly shocking, don't you know?"
Draco shrugged negligently. "Personally I don't care if you think it's shocking. I have done it, and you will follow me."
Blaise rolled his eyes, "Of course I will follow you. You've never led us astray before. But you must admit that your motivation is unclear."
The Slytherin Prince's next words were heard by all of Slytherin House. "I have no need to explain myself, and my actions, and yet I will do so in order to prevent your gossiping tongues from coming up with nonsense. I have made an alliance with Potter, and the Gryffindors not only because it is an advantageous match, bringing power and strength, but also because I am currently involved in my own alliance with Potter."
The implications of that statement stunned the gathered students. Pansy was the first to speak. "You and Potter?"
He curved his lips into a mocking smirk, "Yes, me and Potter."
Blaise halted any retort Pansy may have made. "I guess I didn't see that one coming. But I must admit, he is quite the catch. Powerful, handsome, and he just so happens to be the savior of the wizarding world. By tying yourself with him, and by extension, all of Slytherin, the taint that the Dark Lord has brought to our House will be washed away. Clever of you, Dray."
Draco was suddenly glad that Blaise so easily saw the advantages of the match. Ever the cunning Slytherin, the caramel-eyed Italian could've been a formidable opponent had he objected. Now there was only Pansy, and then the rest of Slytherin House should follow. He turned to face the blonde-haired girl and tilted his head at her. She sighed, and nodded. "I guess I can't deny the positives, even though I wonder at your tastes in men."
That statement caused a smile to curve Draco's lips, and he chucked. "Ah, just admit it. He is particularly stunning and you know it."
She narrowed her eyes and tossed her hair behind her shoulder, "I will admit no such thing." But to belie her words, she was fighting a smile.
Suddenly clapping was heard, and the three sixth years on the dais turned to see the whole of Slytherin House on their feet, showing their approval. The alliance was accepted.
The two Houses decided to make a grand entrance the next morning, and so before breakfast, they met in the corridor outside the Great Hall. With Draco leading the Slytherins and Harry leading the Gryffindors, they came to a head at the ornate doors. Molten silver eyes gazed at brilliant emerald for several moments before Harry's lips curved into a smile. Draco's soon did the same.
Gracefully, Draco walked the few steps separating him from his lover, and he leaned over to whisper in his ear, "Ready to create a riot?"
Harry's hand suddenly snaked up to curl around the back of Draco's neck, and he pulled him in for a quick kiss that sent pleasure arcing through their bodies. "Of course," he murmured.
They broke apart and let their eyes wander over the crowd of Slytherins and Gryffindors assembled around them. Many looked surprised, some indifferent, and more than a few almost hopeful. Blaise and Hermione looked pleased, and Ron and Pansy looked contemplatively at the two boys who looked at peace for once in their lives.
Both leaders turned their gazes back to each other and shrugged in tandem. It was a start. Harry leaned close to Draco again and yet again whispered in his ear. This time his words sent happiness soaring through the blond. "Did you know that I love you?"
Draco had to use all of his mighty Slytherin control to not turn into a puddle of mush. "Oh really? That's good, because I love you too."
Harry had no such compunction about turning into a puddle of mush and proceeded to do so. A full-blown grin transformed his features and his eyes positively sparkled. At this point in time, Draco lost his internal battle and let his own smile take over his usually-icy features.
Happiness poured through the both of them, as did love and peace, and a thousand other emotions they had never thought possible to feel. And it was at that exact moment that their memories of that single, fateful night filled them. Electricity pulsed through them, and they stared at each other, wide eyed.
They remembered.
And they loved even more.
This is my chance,
I want it
A/N: Wow, sorry it took me so long to update this story. I had such huge writers' block for months that whatever I wrote turned out like crap. I finally got myself to finish this today because I was sick and had to miss classes.
I would like to apologize if this chapter seems a bit odd, as I added a whole thing about House hierarchy, but I thought it fit and helped explain things. It could also be a basis if I decided to write an epilogue or sequel, which I might. I don't know yet.
Thank you to all of my faithful reviewers throughout this long story, and the long wait between the previous update and this one. I hope you enjoyed this final installment as much as the previous ones, and I would love if you'd tell me what you think about the ending, and the story overall. Love it? Hate it? Etc.
As this story is over, you can find more lovely Harry/Draco goodness in my other stories, plus on my favorite stories list, which is near to 150.
Music influence: Three Days Grace -- One-X, Senses Fail, 30 Seconds to Mars – Beautiful Lie
Much love,
Roslyn Drycof.
