Day 7
That night, I alternated between crying myself to sleep and not sleeping at all. I crawled into the sheets that still smelled like him and inhaled. I wept into them, seeing the future that I envisioned collapse.
The bed was cold, my own personal tomb in the darkness. I know where I went wrong. Yes, I shouldn't have gone behind Cole's back and done what I did… but that's not where this began. It started when I first agreed to come to this place. This moment was written in stone by the universe, leading me to a darkened path. I took the bite of the forbidden fruit and now I am to be punished for my sins.
Tommy is the sin I will always make and never shed. When morning came, I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to get out of bed, pack my bags, and go home. I couldn't stand to be here a few more days. I couldn't pretend that none of this happened, although I so desperately wish that I could. Seeing Tommy and Giselle together would kill me. The strength to overcome that isn't inside of me.
But the more I thought about it, the more I knew that I couldn't do that. I couldn't leave Jason. We had still so much more to celebrate. There was so much more than me and what I was feeling.
So I did what I always did best. I put on my biggest smile and walked downstairs where I was sure everyone was already waiting for me.
I was wrong. I turn only to see Trini, Aisha, and Giselle. The guys were missing.
"Morning," I say when I reach them.
The girls return a big smile and I immediately feel a pang of guilt build up inside when Giselle throws her arms around me in a hug. Her skin is soft and her perfume smells like a tropical summer.
"I'm sorry," she laughs as she pulls back, "but I'm a hugger."
Fuck, this is a lot harder than I thought.
I give her a small nod in return.
"The guys are out for the morning," Trini says, "They went canoeing and I figured since you've been seriously sick the last couple of days that maybe you'd want to take a break from all things water?"
I would… if that were true. I hadn't spent the last day under the weather… I had spent it under Tommy.
"Good idea," I give her a thumbs up. "So what's the plan?"
"Giselle suggested massages at the spa downstairs," Aisha shimmied her chest, "I think we all need our muscles stretched and to relax. I mean, what good is a vacation if you can't do that?"
Trini puts her arm around me, "Swedish massage for you and me, yeah?"
I lean my head against her shoulder and nod, "Just like old times."
About two hours later, Trini and I are finishing up the last ten minutes of our massage. Strong hands are sliding down between our shoulder blades as we let out stress be kneaded out. Alec and Milos were our wonderful twin masseurs that knew their way around a human body. Everywhere they touched, I felt the weight of the world lift ever so slightly. It doesn't help that the two men are the love children of Chris Hemsworth and Brad Pitt… and there are two of them? A girl could get used to this.
The room is dark with only a few candles offering some light in order to enhance our experience. Soft music is playing in the background and I begin to hum to the tune.
Why the hell didn't we do this before. This is where it's at. When I feel a strong hand slide up my back, I press my eyes together and smile. This is just what I need. A reason to forget how badly my life sucks outside of these four walls. I steal a peek and I see Trini's naked back getting the same treatment as mine. Why have we gone this long without doing this?
"Please remind me that I have a boyfriend," I hear Trini mumble out.
It was her sleepy voice.
I hear Milos and Alec laugh to themselves. I'm sure they get this a lot. Tourists come and go through Santorini every day of the year.
"And you love him very much," I chuckle.
"Do I?" She asks and then she lets out a delighted groan when a hand goes across her hip. "He hasn't even proposed yet."
"He just needs some time."
"Yeah, yeah. He just better hurry. I might run off with a nice Greek masseur," she groans again. "What about you think, Alec? Marry me and continue these massages?"
"Your body is my temple, Ms. Kwan," he tells her in his thick accent.
I smile to myself and allow Milos to continue to work his magic. She might not be as insane as I thought.
"So what do we think of Giselle. Do we need to hit the hardware store for some supplies?"
I open my eyes to look at her and smile, "You watch way too much true crime."
"Which is how I know how to get away with it."
I snicker to myself. Trini must be tired because she's talking about possibly murdering someone in a room with two strangers. She definitely didn't think this through.
"Well?" She smirks, gesturing for me to answer her original question.
I can't possibly allow her to incriminate herself.
I sigh, "I don't know. She's fine, I guess."
"You guess," she repeats, "Which means that you hate her… which means I hate her."
"Stop," I roll my eyes, "You don't have to hate her. I just don't know her."
And I don't want to know her.
"I've been your best friend longer than anyone else—"
"—Actually, that's Jason—"
"—And as the person that has known you the longest," she continues, ignoring what I had just said, "I have to hate everyone that you do."
"I don't hate her," I say again, although I don't know why I'm wasting my breath at this point. "I mean, how am I supposed to feel? She's Tommy's fiancé."
Her eyes widen ever so slightly and I fear that maybe the tone of my voice gave something away. She slowly gets up from the table, causing the masseur to stop her massage just a few minutes early.
"Thank you," she says to the two men, giving them their cue to leave.
Once they disappear, she wraps a sheet around herself and faces me.
"You know that I had no idea about that, right?" She says softly. "If I did then I would have definitely given you a heads up."
I sigh, almost defeated. The possibility that she did know never crossed my mind. I know that Trini, out of anyone, would have been honest about it. No matter how many years had gone by, Trini would have known how hard this would be for me.
I wrap a sheet around myself too and sit up. "I know," I sigh.
"We were all surprised when she showed up with a ring on her finger. Honestly, Tommy did too. Probably the most out of all of us."
"About the ring or that she was there?"
"I think a little bit of both…" She says softly, "but I'm sure that's something you don't want to talk about."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know… why don't you tell me?" she shrugs. "Or rather, not tell me at all."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Really?" She gives me a face that tells me she doesn't believe me. "Because you guys were fine a few days ago and now… I don't know— maybe I don't want to know— but I do know that you two are back to pretending that you don't exist to one another."
"What am I supposed to do?" I say, "It's weird, okay? I've never seen Tommy with… another woman.—"
"—Kat," she interjects.
"—doesn't count!" I shake my head, "We both know the truth about that. It's always been us… and I don't know how I'm supposed to behave."
"Like a normal person," she looks at me, incredulously, as if it were really that simple. "Not someone that hides in their room when the fiancé of her ex-boyfriend shows up."
"Oh give me a break, what was I supposed to do? Go hang out with you guys while they are all over each other? No thanks. I don't need to see that."
"They were not all over each other."
"You saw them at dinner."
"You mean her placing her head on his shoulder?" Her eyes widen, "Kim, that is as tame as it can get."
"Well, not at dinner when everyone is trying to enjoy their meal… and she called you Tri…" I almost cackled. "You're giving her tips on where to visit? How and when did that happen? Are you texting? Calling? Are you guys like best friends or something?
"I'm sensing some jealously."
"What? No way," I throw back defensively. "You're sensing my reaction from thinking that someone is going to steal my best friend."
"No one is stealing your best friend. I was just being nice."
"Really… because she fits right in with everyone. I feel like none of you guys would have noticed if I was gone. "
"Tommy would have noticed."
My cheeks immediately go red at the mention of him. I swallow.
"Why do you say that?"
"Because he wasn't himself last night. After he came back from his bathroom break, he seemed so distant. He barely even looked at Giselle and they apparently hadn't seen each other in almost a year… and let me tell you something, the bathroom in the restaurant is nowhere near the elevator."
She paused as if she expected me to fill in the timeline for her.
"He came back visibly upset… and hurt… I don't think a bathroom break causes that."
I looked away briefly, recalling what I had said to him last night. There's so much that I could say at this moment, but I don't.
When I didn't reply, she continued, "I love you, okay? We're best friends and no one will ever change that."
To be completely honest, I know that deep down I'm not concerned about losing Trini. You don't lose a friendship like ours. What is killing me is the immense guilt that I have towards Giselle and the betrayal that I feel from Tommy.
"And jealousy is fine," She says, "It's a human reaction."
"I know that, but—"
"—and you don't have to go through it alone," She takes my hand in hers. "You have me and you have Aisha to get you through this."
"Things are complicated. I get how this may seem, but there's so much going on that you don't even know."
"Then tell me," she looks at me. "Maybe I don't have an answer for you, but it might be nice to just get it out there. I get that it's weird—"
"—no you don't," I swallow, afraid that I'll blurt out the truth, "You don't get it and you don't understand."
"Help me understand," she says, softly.
Trini is the type of friend that I know I can tell anything to and not face judgment, however, I don't think I'm ready to admit it to anyone just yet.
"What am I supposed to do? Pretend that it doesn't bother me? Pretend that I don't care? I'm so tired of pretending." I feel a knot begin to form in my throat and I bury my face in my hands.
I can't pretend that seeing Tommy and Giselle together isn't torture, I can't pretend that what happened yesterday didn't happen, and I can't pretend that I'm not dying on the inside. How did everything go so wrong?
Trini moves from her table to mine and I feel the cushion softly sink beside me. Her hand comes around my shoulders and I allow her embrace to soothe me. Trini's hugs have always been warm. Like a toasty fire after coming in from playing in the snow.
"I'm sorry," she says, rubbing my back gently. "This is harder on you than I thought."
"You have no idea."
After a moment. She takes my hands and squeezes them with hers. "You and I are sisters. We've gone through so much together… probably more than anyone should at our age. We don't lie to each other, okay? Spill. What's going on?"
I swallow thickly as I hear the pain in her voice. I want to tell her but I can't. Not because I don't trust her, but because I'm too ashamed to admit what I did.
"Cole and I broke up," I say softly.
It wasn't a lie but it wasn't the complete truth. Somehow I hope that answer satisfies her enough. I'm not ready to face the truth yet.
"Oh, Kim," her hand goes over her mouth and then immediately around me. "I'm so sorry. I thought you guys were fine."
I'm terrible.
"When did this happen?"
I feel tears roll down my cheek, "Last night… right before… Giselle arrived."
Trini looks down. "God, Kim. I'm so sorry. I thought you were sick this whole time… I didn't even think this was a possibility."
"It's okay," I sniffle. "I'm okay now."
"But you're not," she says, motioning towards my face. "This has been eating at you all day. I'm sure this is hard for you, freshly broken up, seeing Giselle for the first time, things with Tommy being strained… I… I'm so sorry."
How did my life go from fine to shit in a matter of days? I can't be here any longer. The longer I'm on this island, the poorer my life decisions become.
"I think I have to go back to California."
"What?" Trini's eyes search mine. "You can't do that."
"I have to," I sigh. "I can't lie to everyone. Cole is supposed to be here today. You think no one will notice when he doesn't show? I don't want to talk about it. I'm not ready for everyone to know yet."
"You don't have to tell anyone. As far as I'm concerned, he couldn't take that time off work. Emergency at the office. We'll think of something."
I smile a little.
"Stay. Let's have fun," She shakes my shoulders, "Let's forget that we have life and responsibilities waiting for us on the other side of the globe. Live and forget for a few more nights."
I think about it for a minute. Can I actually do that? Can I live and forget while what I'm trying to forget is right here with me?
"I don't know if I can," I answer her, softly.
After my conversation with Trini, I decided to head into the sauna while she got a facial. Apparently saunas are good for a variety of reasons, but what I was most excited about was the benefit of increased blood circulation. Maybe this would be enough for me to get blood to my brain and start making some better life decisions.
As I walked in, I could feel the heat of the room open up my pores. It was instant. The room, which was surprisingly empty, was covered with light wood in every direction that I looked.
I found a nice spot in the corner and plopped right down. I was wearing a towel from the massage, which to me is practically nothing, and I was sweating my ass off in no less than two minutes. This was my first time in a sauna and likely my last. It's fucking warm. But it was empty and I wanted to be alone to process everything, to be at peace with my thoughts. No matter how wild or incomprehensible they may be.
Perspiration pools at the column of my neck and I can suddenly understand why this damn place was deserted. This is fucking hell on earth. Hot. Uncomfortable. Sticky. It's like Florida all over again. This is the right place when you want to torture yourself… which is why I'm fucking staying in. I deserve it.
I let out a deep exhale that I can feel to the base of my lungs. With it, I promise myself to let go of the past and try to move on. My actions are waiting for me back home, but right now, I have to overcome what I have done and be present.
"Oh, hi," Giselle says as she opens the door. She takes a quick look around and then her eyes land on me. "Mind if I join you?"
Yes, actually, I do. Two is a crowd.
"No," I tell her, not wanting to be a bitch. "Plenty of room."
"Thank you." She walks to the opposite side of the sauna and drops her towel, revealing an impossibly toned and tanned body that is covered by what could arguably be the smallest bikini I have ever seen.
Here I was feeling happy that my bloat decided to be nice to me today. This is really unfair.
Unconsciously I pull the towel that I'm wearing a little higher. Just get through the next ten minutes and then fucking leave.
"I thought you were getting a massage with Tri."
My heart picks up at the sound of my best friend's nickname coming out of her mouth. Don't call her that… okay, I seriously need to calm down. She's done nothing to me.
"We're done," I look at her. "She's somewhere getting a facial."
She tilts her head back and sighs, "That sounds quite amazing, actually. Have you had one? I was thinking about heading there after I finished up here. Want to come along?"
Why can't you be a cold-stone bitch? It would be a lot easier for me to not like you.
"No. Not really interested." That was a damn lie. That was my exact plan after I was done here. Now I have to do something completely different.
"Oh," she genuinely looked disappointed, "Maybe next time."
This was the first time that I was actually able to really see her. Last night had been a weird blur.
Again I ask myself, 'what did Tommy ever see in me?' What the hell had he been thinking the other night? I'd convinced myself that maybe he'd been lonely. That maybe he couldn't wait two more days for Giselle to get into town and he needed to sleep with the nearest and most willing body. He was a man after all. Not that being a man excuses him of anything. If he wanted to be faithful, he would. That goes for anyone.
You see her and you can't possibly believe that someone could be that stunning. God really does have favorites. Her straight nose turns up ever so slightly at the tip and when she smiled, her teeth appeared even whiter against her tan skin. She had not a toe unpolished or a hair out of place. She towered a solid eight inches over me, reminding me just how small I was. What the fuck? Was she manufactured? All those teenage insecurities that I tried so desperately to hide came creeping back up. But unlike when I was sixteen, I no longer had the confidence to bury them.
My gaze then falls to the ring on her finger that keeps winking at me from a distance. It's sparkly and shiny and compliments her completely. The three stone diamonds sit on a beautiful gold band on her long fingers.
"I'm sorry that we didn't get to talk much yesterday," She said, breaking the awkward silence. "Trini mentioned that you had been sick. Is that true?"
No.
"Um, Yeah," I nod. "We'd just spent the last few days in the water and we just didn't mix."
"Well, I guess that's not too bad, is it? Now we get some time alone in here and get to know each other better."
Joy.
"Great."
"Well, actually, I feel like I know you already because Tommy's mentioned you many times."
That wasn't news to me. Tommy told me how he'd talked about me to Giselle when we had that big blow up after dinner, but I wasn't really sure what it was that he said. She knew about me— about our relationship— but what did he say?
"All good things I hope."
She laughs, "Of course. He said you were an amazing friend growing up and that you two were very close."
Friends? "We were."
"And that you two drifted apart through the years."
Not really the words I would use. "Well, not really my choosing."
"Right, yes, I'm sorry," her head shakes. "I mean, that your breakup was hard on him."
"Again, not really my choosing." I press my lips together. That came out a lot more bitter than I meant.
She grows quiet for a moment. "I want us to be friends, Kimberly."
What? Friends?
"What do you mean?"
"All of you guys are like family to Tommy. And to me, family is everything," she looks at me. "This is strange for me too, you know. I never expected to try to be friends with my fiancé's ex-girlfriend. When I found out you were going to be here… well, I had my concerns."
Rightfully. I look away from her. What the fuck is going on?
"Why?"
"Because whether you see me as a threat or not, I see you as one. I don't mean that in a bad way," She quickly adds. "I promise, I'm not here to offend or cause any unnecessary drama."
Fuck. The room suddenly got ten degrees hotter.
"Why do you see me as a threat?"
"Because…" She pauses as if to collect her thoughts, "because I know you have a special place in Tommy's heart and that you're always going to be there. I can't compete with that."
"What do you mean compete? Have you looked in the mirror? There is no competition. You're gorgeous."
"Maybe to some," she gives me a small smile.
"To anyone with eyes."
"Thank you," she goes quiet for a moment like she was thinking back on a memory, "But there's always that one person in someone's life that burrows their way inside and never leaves… and to Tommy, it's you. I've wanted to meet the girl that he's been keeping in his heart for so long."
No. No fucking way.
"You think that's true for everyone?"
She gives a small shrug, "Most people, I assume."
"Is Tommy that one person for you?"
Her large eyes hold mine and then she looks down, "I was dating a guy in my brother's squad."
I turn to her, confused.
"Before Tommy," she clarified. "We didn't tell anyone because… well, my brother would have gone mad if he found out. He was very protective of me and he made it known that I was completely off-limits to anyone he worked with. He probably would have chased Tommy around with a baseball bat if he knew that we had gotten together."
She smiles, a tear slipping down her cheek. I don't know why but I smile too.
"What happened with the other guy?" I ask.
Her features fall and her back goes straight. "He was in the same accident that took my brother," another tear slips. She's quiet once more, like she's processing everything all over again, "Tommy came in at the right time in my life. He makes me incredibly happy. He's a good man… I love him and everything he represents."
This is just getting worse.
"You have to understand," She sighs, "It hasn't been easy for us to get here. It's been work to get him to let go of the past, to see a future with me. For a long time I didn't think we would end up here. I thought that Tommy would only be here for a short time— a good time, but short, to help me process the loss of my brother and Garrett."
Tommy told me how they had bonded over their shared grief, finding comfort in each other.
"I guess life had other plans," she smiles at me. "So to answer your question, No, Tommy isn't that person for me, but that person for me is long gone and never coming back. Tommy put me back together when I thought that I was completely broken. I can never thank him enough for that."
That settles it, doesn't it? She can never know. Knowing what happened between Tommy and I will cause too much hurt. And for what? Tommy and I can never be. He made his decision already and that wasn't me. I refuse to be someone's backup plan.
I straighten up in my seat. This really hurts.
"I'm sure you helped Tommy as much as he helped you," I say softly, "Which is why he wants to spend the rest of his life with you." I point to the beautiful ring on her finger. "Congratulations."
She looks down at her finger and then to me, her piercing eyes holding mine. "Thank you. It really means a lot coming from you."
I am officially going to hell.
Author note: Hey there! I'm back and just in time for summer. I finally finished my semester and am taking a few months off until I return for my last and most difficult semester. I hope you are all doing well. I'm sorry if I haven't replied to your messages or reviews, but I had notifications turned off because I didnt want to be distracted. I go through periods where i'll see a review or a pm and I'm suckered back into FF and I get into weird writing mojo's when I should be reading my textbook or studying or working on homework. But I'm yours for the summer! My goal is to finish all of my pending stories by then. I'm not sure if I will accomplish that, but I'm going to try! Anyway, this is a short chapter but more will come soon. Let me know what you think in a review or PM. Take care!
