Thanks all for taking the time to read, to favorite and to review. I apologize for the delay in this chapter, life has been difficult lately and I can't guarantee when I will update next. But what I can say is that I am not giving up on this story, it means a great deal to me and I want to tell it well. TW for mentions of assault and injuries sustained.

Chapter 4

Amanda lay in the big bed that seemed to dwarf her petite frame. No matter how she moved, she couldn't find a comfortable position as she waited for the doctor to come in. Finally, she gave up, curling into a fetal position and closing her eyes tightly so as not to let any tears come out. A gentle knock on the door made her involuntarily jump and she cursed herself for not being able to hold it together. While Amanda expected to see the doctor she was surprised to see her colleague, Olivia. "What are you still doing here? I thought you left?" Amanda frowned as her voice wavered, she wanted to sound strong and here she was near a breakdown yet again.

Olivia walked over to the bed and sat in a chair beside it. "I had a few phone calls to take care of, but I would never leave you here to deal with this alone," Olivia softly said. Amanda nodded, taking a moment to get her bearings, when suddenly a horrifying thought flew through her head. "You didn't call it in did you?" Amanda asked, terrified. "Of course not, I told you that it's your choice, and I meant it. Right now, let's just make sure you're physically okay and we can deal with everything else later. Amanda nodded before allowing her eyes to slip closed.

Just when Amanda had fallen into a dreamless sleep, another knock on the door brought her back into consciousness with a start. This time the doctor, a short middle aged woman with a soft smile walked into the room. "I'm terribly sorry for the wait dear, it's been a hectic morning," Dr. Andrews said. Amanda insisted it was not a problem at all and did her best to keep her composure as she answered the questions Dr. Andrews asked her regarding the extent of her injuries. Amanda was able to explain she was assaulted without giving many details, even as Dr. Andrews pressed her.

The inevitable breaking point came when Dr. Andrews mentioned the blood which by now had seeped into the sheets of the hospital bed; she explained that a vaginal exam was necessary to evaluate the level of damage. However, Amanda stubbornly shook her head, turning on her side and closing her eyes, apparently done with the conversation. Dr. Andrews looked at Olivia, concerned as Olivia politely asked for a few moments alone with Amanda.

"I'm not doing it, and you can't make me," Amanda huffed out. Olivia took a deep breath, explaining to Amanda that she wasn't going to force her to do anything. "Why don't you want the exam honey? I know it's horrible, but Dr. Andrews seems like an expert and it's important to know the damage and treatment necessary to heal." Amanda eyed Olivia for a few moments, biting back tears before quietly responding, "I know that Olivia. I just can't handle this right now, it's too much. It's all too much, please, I just need it to stop."

With that, Amanda broke into wracking sobs as she turned away from Olivia. Olivia gently rubbed her back whispering encouraging nothings to help her calm down. Finally, her sobbing stopped and Amanda turned over to look at Olivia through swollen eyes. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry Olivia, I didn't mean to break down like that." Olivia smiled, "you have nothing to be ashamed of. I understand, and I'm not going to judge you." Amanda nodded, "I know I need to get looked at, but right now I am feeling very triggered by what happened to me and something that happened in the past. I don't feel comfortable having anyone touch or look at me. I just want to leave and have it heal on its own."

Olivia was shocked by the blonde's candor and reminded herself to talk to her at another time about the 'something in the past' Amanda mentioned, but she knew now wasn't the time. At a loss, Olivia decided to bring up the one thing she spent so long pretending it didn't happen. "I was assaulted once, on the job. I know it's not the same, but I understand getting triggered, I understand the fear. And I know you just want to leave, but I also know that you know it's important to ensure you're physically going to be okay." Olivia noted that Amanda was receptive, as she nodded minutely. "Would it help if I stay with you? You can squeeze my hand as hard as you want when you get scared and the moment you need to stop or slow down I will make sure it stops." Amanda gave a small shrug, "I can try."