OK PEOPLE! CHAPTER 1! YAY! Technically it's chapter 2…but the first one was a prolongue….so this is Chapter 1! CONFUSED? This is mainly in Hermione's point of view…and there will be more points of views coming shortly…

Disclaimer: I own nothing but plot…If I mentioned your story in here…it probably means that I like it…I only remember stuff I like.. REMEMBER…this is what the characters say!

If any of this writing confuses you let me know…do you think in the next chapter I should put the name of who's speaking beside each line?

If I insult any one, or anyones stories/favourite ships etc. Im sorry, I LOVE Ron/Hermione, and check out my bio for all the fics I love to read…most of the pairings I add in here I've read and I love them! I love most hp stores…this is just what the characters would say…so again I'm sorry if I insult you….heck I've written some of the stores that are mentioned in this fic! And I love Sirius/Hermione stories as you can probly tell when you finish.

IMPORTANT:

Normal writing is Hermione

Italics writing is Ron

Bold writing is Harry

Bold and Underlined writing is Sirius

O…if there are different people talking at the same time the lines will be together… for example…this is Harry and Ron talking at the same time…

HERMIONE
HERMIONE

-Mrs Charlie Weasley-thats me

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Ahem…Hello dear, um, FANFICTION readers! My name is Hermione Jane Granger, and I have…shall you say…a BONE to pick with you.

What are you doing Hermione?

Yea…what's this?

This is a computer Ronald, remember I showed it to you before…and as to what I'm doing, I'm writing…er…typing a letter to all those people who read and write FANFICTION!

You mean all those made up stories about US! I mean people come ON…I'm HARRY POTTER…and I would NEVER EVER MARRY DRACO MALFOY! I'm NOT GAY, and I would never marry Pansy the pug Parkinson either!

Harry…Wasn't Pansy the pug Parkinson a nickname they gave Pansy on FANFICTION?

Yes…I think it's the only GOOD thing these people have actually written!

AHEM! If you don't mind, I was in the middle of something.

HEY HARRY LOOK! Everything we've said…and ARE saying is on the screen thingy! Wicked! Muggles DO have some cool inventions! All we have to do is talk and everything we say comes up on there.

I don't remember computers doing that…Hermione?

Ok, Ok! So I put a small quickquotes spell on the keyboard so all I had to do was talk…it really is MUCH easier you know!

Sort of like what that Skeeter woman did in fourth year?

Of course NOT! I used one that only says what we say aloud. Not what we think!

THAT'S how Skeeter wrote those articles…the pen wrote what ever she was thinking!

Yes Ronald, sigh now if you two don't mind! I really do want to get back to this!

Oh yes of course Hermy! Don't let us stop you!

DON'T call me HERMY!

Whatever you say Madame Horney Toad Weasel!

RON! What a RIDICULOUS name!

Actually I think it's a fantastic name quite funny really!

Now what do YOU want SIRIUS!

Just here to see what all the commotion is about!

ARGH! You people are…ARGH never mind. If you are going to stand there PLEASE be quiet! This is weird enough as it is…

Ok Hermy!

Righto Flobberworm!

Whatever you say Madame Horny Toad Weasel!

See what you people started with those STUPID nicknames! ARGH! THIS is why I don't like fan fiction…you people out there took a perfectly good piece of literature and turned it into…THIS! huff Lets see now…what "pairings" and "ships" can I name?

Hermione how come when you do quotation marks with your fingers the computer puts them on the screen?

Because I fixed it to do that!

Why?

Because if not I would have to insert quotation marks before and after I say anything that I want quotation marks on.

Why?

Because I want the readers to know what I'm emphasizing.

Why?

Because I'm MAD and I want them to know.

Why?

BECAUSE!

Why?

Be- SIRIUS!

Hahaha snort chuckle snort hee haa haa
Faa haa haa ha ha HA! AH ha ha…

HARRY RON stop laughing!

Hey why did it write that! Is that really what I sound like when I laugh?

HEY I DIDN'T SNORT!

Yes you did mate! I heard you.

BOYS! PLEASE! I would like to get this done TODAY! Now where was I…?

"Pairings" and "Ships"

Right…Now, Let's see…where to begin…Here's a good one…Me and MALFOY!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!

Exactly! I would NEVER EVER EVER marry that FERRET! He is a disgusting, immature, snobby, reckless, hateful, foul, perverted, rich, ba…ad. Tempered. Little. Runt…

I know what you were going to say…you were going to say Bas…

SIRIUS! This is an international sight for many different age groups…don't you DARE swear! Now…where was I…AGAIN! Me and Malfoy…NEVER gonna happen…I do have SOME pride you know…

Not much. I mean remember the time you got caught in…

RON!

Sorry!

Anyways…even if a marriage law was passed, which it NEVER will be…but if it was and I was some how FORCED to marry Malfoy…I would NOT go willingly…they would have to stun me or something first, and believe me…I WOULD put up the HUGEST fight I can! And if they stunned me and married me to malfoy…once we were married…I would hang myself! huff

Hermione…don't be that rash…

Yea you know we would hang my dear old cousin first.

You would go through the trouble of hanging him? I would just burry him alive…or kill him with my bare hands…stupid ferret!

You guys would do that for me?

Yea

Sure…you're Harry's best friend.

You think I wouldn't? A Malfoy even getting close to you…I would have to wring their puny little Fu-

Ronald…

Fudging neck! Hee hee

I'm flattered guys! Thank you…now, I also want to point out that if I somehow managed to go back in time, must I remind you that all the time-turners at the ministry of magic were destroyed? But if they were somehow fixed, I would not be 'doing it' with any of the marauders, and ESPECIALLY not SNAPE!

Ewww, Snivellus! Wait, define 'doing it' with the Marauders.

Apparently these people think that I am some sort of sleez bag that would hop from one marauder to the next, including Wormtail, and then hop on over to Snapes bed once I got bored! EW!

They had you paired up with my father?

Yes, and to think-

James loved Lily for...well... since he was eleven I think, he wouldn't just "do" anyone!

I know, that's why-

WORMTAIL! As in the murderer who pretended to be my pet rat for almost 13 years?

YES! Now stop interupting. Seriously people, I know what Wormtail did remember, so I'm not going to go back into the past and sleep with him! Like, don't you read? Honestly! Therefore, since I wouldn't fall in love with any of them, I would not want to stay in the past to be with them! That could disrupt the whole timeline! And as for the present time, I would not be with Snape now either! He is a slimy, murderous, git who looks like he hasn't taken a bath in at least ten years, and is as crude as they get.

HERE HERE!

You said it!

So all these stories of me becoming his "apprentice" and falling madly in love with him is compelty false…I mean, come to think of it, have you ever even SEEN an APPRENTICE in Hogwarts? They don't have student teachers! They don't have apprentices, and I would NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH SNAPE!

I think she's turning purple.

I don't blame her.

Who else could they think to pair you up with? I mean that's low.

You know I've also been paired up with each one of the Weasley boys? Sometimes in the SAME fic.

WHAT?

I mean, do you think Molly would be ok with me dating all of her boys, and do you think that brothers would do that to eachother!

Wait even me?

Yep. Which is why I'm going to make this clear, yes Ron and I may have flirt in the past, but we've tried it out, and it didn't work between us. It was too awkward…he's like my brother, as are all the other Weasley boys.

And me.

Yes and Harry…Besides, Bill is married to Fleur, and Charlie has a girlfriend in Romania. He doesn't lick his lips, so therefore I would never need to do it for him.

Ew, not a picture I need thank-you very much

Percy…

Ew.

What he said! Percy didn't believe Dumbledore…who is DEAD must I remind you…SNAPE killed him! Remember that, so stop bringing him back to life in the Fics unless you can completely explain how it is he came back to life! Anyways, Percy is just weird.

He's going out with Penelope anyways…I think.

Fred and George both have girlfriends, and they're not my type anyways, as I'm not theirs either. Remember I've told Mrs. Weasley many things that they've done, and they hate me for it.

Well I wouldn't say hate.

And although they're trying to get me to join Weasley Wizard Weazes, it is only so that I can help them invent more products! We are complete opposites, and they are annoying as heck!

Now that's not nice.

So, therefore, I would not be sleeping with any of the Weasley boys, as they are all like brothers to me, as well as the reasons I have just mentioned. Oh, and I don't know why I even need to point this out, but I will… I am NOT gay…nor will I ever BE gay!

Neither would I! Which is why you pairing me with Draco Mal…

HARRY! Get your own story! Therefore, since I am NOT gay, I would NEVER SHAG Ginny…or Luna…or BOTH!

Now there's a picture. OW! What was that for HERMY! OW!

DON'T even THINK it, and DON'T call me HERMY!

Ok, ok…jeez…you don't have to hit me.

Ok…which perv said my little baby sister was gay? She is NOT gay!

I can second that.

What the heck is THAT supposed to mean Harry! You two haven't done anything have you?

N-No…of course not!

Harry, why are you blushing?

I'm not BLUSH-ING Sirius.

YES YOU ARE! EW! YOU'VE SHAGGED my BABY SISTER!

I never said that!

Did you!

HARRY RON will you PLEASE go argue somewhere else!

FINE! Harry get your arse out here!

I don't think…

NOW!

Oh and Harry…don't lie!

Ka ha ha…he's gonna get you for that one.

(Arguing heard in the distance, not able to recognize exact words…something about git, moron, bloody, hate, standing, stick, and manly)

Sigh

sigh

sigh, did you know Sirius that they actually have a whole section for us on Fanficition?

Really?

Yep, Sirmione, apparently, we've done it in closets, Grimauld Place, the secret passage way leading to honeydukes, the 'forest behind the burrow' which doesn't exists people! The room of Requirements, some cottage you bought, on the floor in some random hallway, and in Dumbledors office.

Really?

We've also done a fair bit of three ways with Lupin.

Ew…ew….ew…Moony, and I are NOT gay!

Yep, and he's happily with Tonks, who wouldn't dream of cheating on him or dumping him! OH, we've also done it with you wearing a frilly pink apron.

Ha ha ha…it was actually quite funny, they described us as a couple of rabbits.

So my reputation follows me even on Fanfiction eh? Let me see some of these stories. And is that a picture of us?

Yep…they've come up with Sirmione pictures, some are quite funny actually!

Mhmm…huh, look at this story.

'Sirius gave a naughty grin as his lips crashed down onto hers. He ran his tongue across her lip seeking entry and she opened her lips mewling in delight as their tongues battled for dominance. They were so involved in each other they didn't hear the roaring of the flames signifying a floo arrival.' Birthday Surprise, by Legessa…hmm, the things some people come up with. Oh my gosh! Look at this one!

Huh, I never thought of that. Do you want to try that one out?

SIRIUS!

What, Harry and Ron are too busy arguing! We've got nothing else to do, come on.

sigh... ... ... ... ... Oh heck, why not, do you have a pink apron?

I might.

Oh crud my letter…Um, how do you delete what we just said, I don't need the authors out their getting an ideas.

Come on Hermione…

Hee hee hee, um, ok, don't get any ideas from anything said between me and Sirius, in fact, oh, just, nevermind. Remember what I said about everything else, and I don't have any nicknames so stop making them!

I like the nickname 'Mione.

Ok, Mione is okay, but no other ones. Oh, you know what Sirius. I can post this later, and then I'll find a way to delete some of the stuff we said. HA! Beat that!

Ok, ok, ok, delete it later, right now I want to try out…

Oh my god, ha ha ha, ok lets go. This is Hermione Granger, and I'll talk to you later.

I can't BELIEVE you slept with my sister. Where are you two going? Hermione? Sirius? Where…oh never mind! huff

I didn't... ok I did but she wasn't complaining just please don't tell your brothers, I would like to live you know.

HUFF Hey Harry, Hermione forgot to post this thing she wrote.

Here I can do it, just move over.

I wonder what she talked about when we were gone?

Oh well, we can read it after. Here, I just have to go here, and cick this, and then, voila!

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Ok, well that's it! I hope you all liked it…I liked writing it, next chapter should be up soon, who do you all want to see next?

If you want to know what Harry and Ron were saying leave a review!

Remember to please let me know how I should do the dialogue, this is my first dialogue fic, so I don't know if its confusing, should I just say the characters name before each line? Let me know!

Again if I insulted anyone Im sorry, I like all the stories I mentioned above, in fact the one I mentioned with Charlie is mine…lol…so yea, if I insulted your story Iom sorry.

Thanks to my awesome reviewers!

The Gypsy-Pirate Queen Teetering on the Brink of Insanity Past the Point

of No Return Man Life Sucks : Nice name….glad you liked it!

SiriusBlackTheMarauder : I like your name too…I Love Sirius…anyways…I'm glad my title and summary worked…I'm not very good at summaries.

Siobhan-Slytherin-Lady : Wow….a lot of nice names here… Thanks for the compliment…I hope you like the next couple chapters…but I had to explain SOMEHOW how the characters all know about fanfiction…and I HAD to bring SIRIUS back!

prv226 : I'm glad you liked it…:D

ChipEnchanted : I hope you like it!

Happygirl: I'm writing more don't worry!

Sam's Firefly : I hope its funny!

IceAngel89 : Yes ma'am!

Katie : Good idea! Thanks!

Jevanminx : I hope you like it!

Mistress of Craziness : Yea I haven't seen many with, no, any with the characters writing the books, so I figured that would be a new way to do it.

robster639 : Thank you!

Who do you all want to see next? Which character, we have Lily, James, Harry, Ron, Sirius, Lupin, Tonks, Ginny, and I want to do the Twins too.