Chapter 7

Reflections

The blood that flowed from the wounds on Laurel's back was gradually staining Severus' white shirt, in his haste to get to the cellar he had forgotten to put on his shoes and now his bare feet were climbing the narrow stone steps careful not to slip. Laurel barely realized that she was being taken to the upper floors of the manor, the intense pain in her back overshadowed any thought and the only thing she could register were Bellatrix's cackles mingled with the string of expletives that Severus was muttering under his breath.

Finally, he reached the third floor and with just a head shake he made the suite doors slam open. He laid Laurel's lacerated body face down on the bed, taking a close look at the mosaic of cuts and bruises that ran from her upper shoulders to her hips. He mechanically pulled his wand and casted the proper healing spell to instantly close her wounds, yearning in an almost childlike way for it to take effect on her and clear up the blood that was already beginning to coagulate.

- "You will have to do it the muggle way."- Narcissa was standing in the doorway, looking at them the same way you might watch the evening news, her expression indifferent to Laurel's sobs, her voice cold and matter-of-factly. – "I'll call a house elf. It will surely do a better job than you."

Severus nodded in agreement and once Narcissa closed the door behind her, he flopped into an armchair next to the bed and ran his hands through his hair, an old habit from his teens that he thought he had abandoned. He was used to maintain a firm grip on his emotions and manipulate every situation he found himself into to his advantage, but ever since he had the misfortune to exchange words with Laurel, that control seemed to slip from his fingers every time. He looked again at the Akardos's scarred back and felt useless, weak at the fragility of that woman. He considered himself a rather competent wizard with powerful skills, but his knowledge little could help Laurel who still laid down with her face buried in the pillow, her sobs fading little by little. He realized suddenly of her nakedness, his hesitant eyes roamed the soft curves of her breasts drawn against the sheets, the wheat-coloured belly moving slowly in time with her breath, the two small dimples clearly marked in the small of her back. Laurel's head snapped up to see him and Severus quickly tore his eyes away from the voluptuousness of her hips, hoping he had not been discovered. He briefly remembered the look of disgust Lily had given him that awful day and was relieved not to see it reflected in Laurel's eyes. He kept his gaze firmly anchored on the sad, puffy face.

- "Does it look as bad as it feels? Even breathing hurts." – Laurel asked with a hoarse voice.

- "It does look very bad, but it could always be worse. Bellatrix could have killed you; she is the most dangerous Death Eater and the most faithful servant of the Dark Lord. "

- "She is worse than the werewolf, I never saw eyes as crazy as hers. It was my fault, I begged them to stop. "

Severus took his time to answer. Adding to the jumble of emotions bubbling under the thin layer of his occlumency was now added frustration at the tremendous stupidity Laurel had committed. He was about to scream at her, the wings of his long nose quivered as he let out an exasperated snort, however, his words came out in his usual cold and low tone.

- "I had told you that you must not say a word in front of anyone in this house, you put your life at risk in a totally absurd way, I can't be taking care of you all the time. I'm not your babysitter..."

- "I am terribly sorry." - Laurel cut him off. - "I tried, but that curse, the Avada Kedavra, was painful, it felt like receiving electric shocks. I could not contain myself. I thought that the boy, Draco, could be merciful, stop the punishment ... "

Severus frowned puzzled, so the Akardos was somehow able to sense the powerful energy of the killing curse? His investigating instinct suddenly woke up and he was tempted to try another unforgivable curse on her to see if she would react in any way but when he saw the dismay in Laurel's reddened eyes, he limited himself to reprimand her in the most poisonous and harsh way possible, vitriol leaking from each syllable he pronounced.

- "So, you preferred Bellatrix to have your body torn apart with lashes, right? How interesting, apart from behaving like a complete cretin, you are a masochist. I'm beginning to believe that besides having no soul, you also lack a brain."

Severus expected to see some gesture of rebellion, anger, maybe crying on Laurel's face, he wanted her to feel the same terrible stress that he was going through but was taken aback to see how a slight smile pulled the corners of her dry and cracked lips. The sadness in her eyes was diluted as she perceived in Severus' words the enormous frustration of realizing that his efforts to keep her safe were not enough. She wanted to appease him, assure him that he was doing a good job, her caring and obliging nature pushed her to comfort him even when she was the one with the lacerated back. She wanted to avoid another confrontation, so she tried her best to answer him in a collected manner as she did before with Tobias when he was suffering from his psychotic breakouts.

- "Perhaps I don´t, Severus. But I do have a heart and I know you must have one too because you risked getting me out of there, even though I can see that Bellatrix is the only person in this house that you cannot intimidate, other than your Dark Lord." - Laurel replied as she got up covering her bare chest with a pillow. - "So save yourself the lecture, please and get me some bandages, an antiseptic or something to clean my back..."

¡CRACK!

A loud noise echoed through the room. Laurel thought for a moment that Bellatrix had burst into the room whipping her whip and hugged the pillow tightly, but her eyes widened when she saw that a small creature had appeared out of nowhere and bowed deeply to Severus, its long bat ears tilted forward and its huge turquoise eyes gazing intently at the wizard.

- "The Mistress has ordered Enoby to serve Master Snape in whatever way he needs. Enoby is at the master's disposal and will help to care for the soulless one until Master Snape requires it."

Her voice was abnormally high-pitched, and Laurel realized that it was a female as she was also wearing what appeared to be a tattered flower-patterned tablecloth wrapped around her tiny body.

- "She is a house elf." - Severus explained. - "Magical creatures at the service of ancient and wealthy families, they dedicate their lives to being loyal and follow every order of their masters. Narcissa has been kind enough to lend me one."

Then he addressed Enoby:

- "You can start by fixing her back, but you must do it without magic. Then stay with her until I come back. "

Laurel was still so stunned by the appearance of the creature that she did not register Severus's last sentence. She was still gaping at the elf, she looked nothing like the descriptions in Tolkien's books, nor like Santa's helper elves that plagued the Christmas decorations. Her big turquoise eyes turned to her, and Laurel closed her mouth hiding her surprise, trying not to look disrespectful. Enoby approached her and by snapping her fingers a bowl of boiled water, gauze and bandages appeared on the bed. Her little hands went to work immediately.

Laurel closed her eyes and clenched her teeth at the burning of the iodine in the wounds, when she opened them, she noticed that Severus had disappeared.

- "Severus?" - She called him softly.

Severus had locked himself in the elegant bathroom. White marble covered the floor, walls and ceiling reflecting the sunlight streaming in through the window, filling the room with a blinding brilliance. He needed to be alone, he could not deal with Laurel at the moment. Not when she had proven herself sensible enough not to fall into his malicious trap of guilt-tripping and self-hate. He felt he was being defeated at his own game, for the first time he missed the fearful faces of his students whenever he let out his poisonous repertoire of criticism and sarcastic comments, it gave him a sense of superiority he was never able to enjoy growing up.

"I know you must have a heart too because you risked getting me out of there."

Laurel's words echoed in his head, cracking the already very fragile layer of occlumency. He tried to hold back his thoughts, to empty his mind of any emotion. Laurel was wrong, she never meant what she said, she was just a darned goody two-shoes. "My heart died with Lily." He told himself firmly. "I am Severus Snape, and I am a bastard." He looked at his reflection in the mirror and could hardly recognize himself. His skin was terribly pale and deep purple circles surrounded his eyes. His hair was greasier than ever, and it looked like he had lost a few pounds since the night before. He thought of Laurel's naked body on the bed, wondering what it would be like to feel her weight over his own body, and he automatically ran his hands through his hair again, trying to somehow improve the serious state of neglect it was in. He was tempted to take a bath, sink into the water as if it were a warm hug. Many times he did that, plunging into a hot tub and pretending it was Lily's body hugging him tightly. He realized that he was behaving in a ridiculous way. Laurel would never see the difference, whether he took a bath or not. He gritted his uneven teeth in resentment. He would always be the ugly, miserable man that no one trusted. He took a deep breath and immediately drowned his sudden arousal. He was content to satisfy his needs by himself, but sometimes he couldn't help walking into the darkness of Knockturn Alley and choosing among the sad women who seemed the healthiest and cleanest to rent. It was a brief, utilitarian, impersonal transaction. He never thought of Lily during those shameful encounters. He hated it, he hated himself. He hated the life he had to live, the fateful decisions that he took in his youth and that ended up being worthy of Lily's scorn. His blind ambition to be adored by the other Death Eaters and to be rewarded by his Dark Lord had led him to reveal the prophecy that would end up being the death sentence of his beloved.

- "I'm a murderer." - He said angrily and with his eyes fixed on his reflection, punching the mirror wishing he could destroy the image of the monster he had become.

-"Severus?"

The shy voice of the Akardos seeped into the bathroom and snapped Severus out of his hateful self-recrimination tirade. His hand was bleeding and he lazily wiped it on the shirt that was already stained with blood. It took him four seconds to heal the cuts and another five seconds to change his clothes, and like so many times he decided that a bath could wait. He had more pressing matters to attend to and time was never on his side. He stepped out of the bathroom avoiding any visual contact with Laurel. His mind focused only on reaching Hogwarts in the shortest time.

Laurel let out a relieved sigh at the sight of him. For a fearful moment she thought he was gone, leaving her to her fate. She grinned when she saw him fully clothed, her long black cloak hissing behind him as he walked upright and with firm steps around the suite casting protective spells so that no one with malicious intent could gain access. His long black hair hiding his face and his pale hands holding his wand with the delicacy of an orchestra director. He really looked like a cross between a mad scientist and a villain from some Victorian tale and despite being in such a precarious and dangerous situation, she was glad that it was Severus who was taking care of her safety. Since the night before, when they had argued with hurtful words and revealed secrets that only the two of them knew, Laurel had felt a trust in him that bordered on the irrational. Perhaps it was because she felt that she had known him since childhood, thanks to Tobias's narrations, she knew that he had always been a reserved and timid child, who had great magical ability since he was four years old, the day he had made levitate and crash against a wall the plate of beans that he refused to eat. She knew that he could be temperamental, but also that deep down he was sensitive and yearned for the approval of others. She knew that the happiest day of his life was when his Hogwarts letter arrived. Tobias had returned very tired from working that day and was surprised to find a girl whose name he could not remember sitting at the rickety kitchen table sharing a meagre dinner with Severus. Two open envelopes in front of them, and the laughter of both children filling the poverty-stricken house.

Laurel wanted to share those memories with Severus, ask him if he remembered them, know how he went from being a shy and brooding child to becoming a servant of a wizard as bloodcurdling as Lord Voldemort. She wanted to learn more about the wizarding world, since when had the war started? Who had been the victim of it? Who was the woman he had loved and lost? But before she could even open her mouth to call his name a second time, Severus left the room.

- "Where has he gone now?" - She wondered aloud. To her surprise, the elf answered in her high-pitched voice:

- "Master Snape has ordered Enoby to stay with the soulless one until his return."

- "And when will he return, Enoby?"

The elf pierced Laurel with her bright turquoise eyes and crinkling her nose in disapproval, she squealed:

- "The affairs of the wizard masters do not concern the elves or the soulless ones!"

Laurel lowered her head and closed her eyes as the elf continued her work of cleaning and bandaging her back.

. . .

Laziness had taken hold of Laurel as she watched the long twilight shadows fill the room. She had slept all afternoon and was awakened only when her guts shook in protest at the lack of food. Enoby had also succumbed to the heaviness of the summer heat and lay dozing on the floor next to the bed. Laurel got up taking care not to wake her and she went to the bathroom, her lethargy completely vanished when she saw the huge, cracked mirror and she immediately thought of Severus. It had been a long time since he had left, and she felt a pang of anxiety at the thought that something serious might have happened to him. She soaked her face with cold water and drank directly from the tap without even stopping to breathe, enough water to fill her stomach and to quell the fire of unease that was spreading through her chest. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and couldn't believe that the woman staring back was her. Her makeup had run off, and black runs of mascara stained her bruised cheeks. The scratch marks on her neck were nothing compared to the marks left by the whip. Her brown hair was tangled and dirty with sweat and blood. A slight blush crept through the bruises on her face as she realized that Severus had taken her naked, ruined body into his arms. She took a deep breath and calmed the fluttering butterflies that she thought were gone since her schoolgirl years. It was nothing to write home about, Severus would never pay attention at a matter as trivial as the nakedness of a muggle's body, much less one as injured and dirty as Laurel´s was.

Suddenly she heard the noise of a door opening and stealthy footsteps in the room. She quickly searched for something to cover her chest with. The best she could find was Severus' stained shirt that he had thrown on the floor. She opened the bathroom door slowly, peering for the intruder and praying not to meet Bellatrix's crazed eyes. To her surprise the one she saw standing in the shadows was Draco, his blond hair gleaming in the last light of day, his pale eyes looking around curiously.