A.N.: Thank you all for being so patient with me. Lately, I have been quite busy with my job, my training, life in general. Nonetheless, I love to write, and I am making the effort to update as soon as practical. Do not fret! I will be updating more often from now on.

Once again, thank you all for favouring, following, and reviewing. Please let me know how this story is developing, what you like, what you don´t like, etc.

Cheers!


Chapter 12

Do you trust me?

His hand clenched the wand tightly, his eyes quickly scanned the darkened rooms, and a cold sweat ran down his back as he noticed the traces of blood that stained the floor and led up to the armchair where Laurel used to spend most of her time sitting, looking out the picture window.

There, lit by the faint light of the full moon, lay the figure of the woman. Severus strode across the room, navigating the sea of broken objects: Candelabrums, lamps, books with ripped pages; chunks of wood were all that was left of one of the worktable chairs, all shattered when they were thrown against the doors. The man cared little about the absolute state of chaos in which the room was, his only concern was to reach the motionless body.

"Laurel, can you hear me?" - Severus's voice had turned into a pleading whisper, as he took the strangely pale face in his hands. – "Please, wake up".

He checked her pulse, her breathing. Everything was in order. He turned on the lights on the chandelier hanging from the ceiling and it was then, that he noticed the nearly empty bottle on her lap. If he weren't so relieved to see her still alive, Severus was sure he'd start cursing right away. He shook her shoulders vigorously.

"Laurel, wake up now!"

She opened her eyes in horror. The memory of Greyback's wild gaze still fresh, made her give a little cry at the thought that the werewolf had finally managed to sneak into the room. Terrified, she flailed and kicked, trying to distance herself from the man who called her by name.

"Calm down. It's me, Severus."

The wizard gasped when he suddenly felt the strong embrace of the woman, who buried her face in his neck, letting out a deep sigh of relief.

"Thank God! Oh, I missed you so much!" – Laurel's voice, muffled against his neck, fed the flame that has been growing slowly but surely in his chest during the past weeks. Severus could also feel how his stomach seemed to fill with fluttery bugs, a feeling that had abandoned him ever since his adored Lily had decided to marry that spoilt rotten bully, James Potter.

"Lily." - The memory of the beautiful redhead burst like a cataclysm in the wizard's mind. He couldn't help but feel guilty for being so drawn to Laurel, knowing full well that the deep love he felt for Lily Evans had completely implanted itself in his heart, leaving it petrified and cold. Because only Lily had shown affection and cared for him without expecting anything in return, only Lily knew of his stormy childhood and had not judged him for it, only Lily had been his friend, his best friend, but Laurel… Wasn't Laurel doing all those same things? Severus could feel with dread, how the iceberg of his heart was beginning to melt for her.

The immense wave of joy at seeing Severus again next to her, after that horrible day, lost its intensity when she noticed how the man's body had become totally rigid under her embrace, his stiff arms glued to the body, even his breathing had stopped. Embarrassed, she let go of him and sank back into the chair.

"Forgive me". - she apologized, as she avoided looking at him, her cheeks burning red, her voice affected by alcohol. – "I've had an awful day. I really missed you so much".

"Greyback? Did he try to break in again?"

"How do you know?"

"It's a full moon..." - he started to say but stopped in the middle of his sentence when he saw how Laurel raised the bottle to her lips again.

"Enough alcohol for today, Laurel." - he said as he took the bottle from her. – "What the hell happened to your arm?!"

"I had a little accident with one of the needles." - She drawled her words and tried to hide her injured arm, stained with dried blood. – "It's nothing serious…"

"The suite is almost demolished, you, so inebriated that don't mind bleed yourself out… of course it's serious. What has Greyback done to you?"

"Nothing so terrible, really. What could he do to me from the other side of the door? The details, I'd like to keep them to myself, if you don't mind."

"I'm not in the mood to argue with you, Laurel." - he said, taking a small bottle of disinfectant potion from the inner pocket of his frock coat and materializing some gauze with his wand. – "When finished, I expect you tell me exactly what happened here today."

Laurel stared at him as he cleaned the wound: his frown, his black eyes fixed on her arm, and the casual way he bit his lip when he applied more of the stinging potion. She fancied him, she fancied him terribly, and she knew very well that she would suffer for it. The most serious relationship she had ever had, it hadn't lasted more than two years and had ended with her, mired in a sea of tears and with a huge debt that the son of a bitch of her boyfriend had taken on her behalf to go for holidays with another woman to Ibiza.

She had sworn never to fall in love again. Her generous and docile personality made her surrender herself completely, putting the happiness of the lover on duty before hers and of course, in the end, men always ended up taking advantage of her. But Severus was different, of course, he was a wizard; but he was also much older than her, much more solid, more mature than the other boys she had dated. And what about the woman who had died? Was she a girlfriend? A wife? Did Severus have a child? No, it definitely didn't seem like he had any immediate family, not with all the time he spent at Hogwarts, all the time he spent with her. "Not with you, idiot. He dedicates his time to his research". – Her inner voice grumbled. – "You are only a subject of study".

"Laurel, are you listening to me?"

The woman's mind snapped to a halt. She hadn't realized that Severus had finished cleaning her blood and was staring at her.

"Excuse me, what did you say?"

He pursed his lips in a disapproval gesture and produced a large goblet of water, which he pushed between the woman's hands.

"Sober up."

"No, I'm not that bad, I was just thinking about..."

"Just drink all the water, all right? You've had almost a whole bottle of brandy, there's no way you can tell me you're not drunk."

"It wasn't totally full when I started it." - Laurel whispered ashamed, before starting to drink all the content from the goblet without breathing.

"Now, are you ready to tell me what has happened here? Why did you destroy the room?"

"I am tired, Severus." – She said after letting go a deep sigh. – "I've been locked up for months! I miss my family, my life. Damn, even I have missed the birth of my nephew! Once Greyback showed up I couldn't control myself anymore. I had a nervous breakdown; I am sorry".

Severus kept his gaze fixed on Laurel's eyes, the painful wound in his chest, mortifying him again. He had always wanted to push people away but now he had the irresistible urge to get closer to her, to wipe away any tears that came from those bright eyes.

"You don't have to apologize for that." - He replied approaching her and sitting on the armrest next to her. - "I am perfectly aware that this whole shit show is not fair to you. I promise I will take you out. Soon, I hope."

"I know you'll do it". - She answered, giving him a fragile smile. – "I just hope it's sooner rather than later, Sev".

The wizard froze, his eyes wide, his eyebrows raised. Only one person had ever called him that. His beloved had always called him by that affectionate pet name. Lily's sweet voice echoed in his mind: "Sev".

"Do not call me that way."

"How? Sev?"

"Don't ever call me that again, Laurel."

"Why?" - She asked, puzzled to see him react in such a strange way.

"Because I'm telling you not to and that's it." - He replied, standing up and taking his wand out, whispering spells that repaired the objects and returned each one to its respective place.

Laurel, who normally would have been ecstatic watching all that stuff magically flying through the air, kept her gaze fixed on Severus. She clenched her teeth resentfully. The gears in her brain, lubricated by alcohol, began to work at full speed. It was obvious why he had reacted like that, as it was also obvious that jealousy had taken over what little control of her feelings she had.

"She called you that, didn't she? Sev".

He turned to her, surprised that Laurel was capable of such nerve.

"Did she love you as much as you loved her? What was her name?"

"Don´t…"

"Was she also a Death Eater? Did she die fighting?"

"Shut up, Laurel. Don't talk about what you don't understand".

"And how am I supposed to understand if you never say anything to me!"

"I'm trying to protect you, dimwit! My duty is very risky. Do you think a spy is going to go around talking about his life with anyone? I'm not going to put you at risk by telling you my secrets. I don't want to have to carry your death on my conscience."

"As you are carrying the death of that woman in your conscience now?"

"That's enough!" - he hissed. - "I will not stay here to listen to the stupidities of a drunkard. You are insufferable! I don't know how I could even think that you could be like her..."

"What?"

Severus bit his tongue, dazed, realizing that he had blurted out such a comment.

"Nothing." - He said, while he went to the worktable and began to rummage through his notes, not really looking for anything, just putting distance between. – "I'm leaving, I don't want to be in this place anymore".

Laurel was sure that her nervous system would not withstand so many discharges of emotions in a single day, because the feelings of jealousy, shame, resentment and frustration had just been joined by pent-up anger.

"Easy for you to say." - She said in a sarcastic voice. - "I don't want to be in this place anymore. Sure, go, fly out Severus and leave me here. Ah yes, I am a mere Muggle, a despicable Soulless one. Greyback said I'm just like him, scum to wizards. Of course, I'm not worthy of knowing about your life, Sev".

"Greyback told you what? Damn it, Laurel. How can you even cross a word with a beast like that?"

"But I'm just like him... Even, my status is much worse, at least he's free to do whatever he wants."

"Don't compare yourself to him". - Now it was Severus' turn to feel his jealousy ruminate in his stomach. – "That monster has lost all of his humanity. A werewolf, for fuck's sake! Have you spent every day talking to that sicko?"

"And what do you want me to do if Greyback has been fucking me over daily?! You weren't here when he started talking the dirtiest shit through the door. When he started masturbating saying that he was going to mutilate my body. You don't know what it feels like to be considered just a piece of meat, just rotten rubbish".

Severus didn't answer her. It took him a few seconds to comprehend what he had heard. Slowly, his face was transforming: his thick eyebrows so close together that the usual crease of his brow seemed to run across his entire forehead, his eyes acquired a murderous shine, his mouth, half-opened in a grimace of total hatred, revealed his uneven and yellowish teeth. It was as if a demon had taken possession of his body. His insides burned, his blood boiling with rage as he imagined what Laurel had been through. That son of a bitch was going to pay for what he had done.

Severus had never felt such virulent and intense hate in his life, not even against James Potter, whom he had always detested, but which he had learned to live with as if it were a chronic disease. At that precise moment, he was determined to kill. He would kill that bastard. He didn't give a fuck what Dumbledore or the Dark Lord would think of his actions. He made his way to the doors automatically, reciting in his mind, like a litany, the dark spells he would use to track, torture, and kill the beast. But before his hands could reach the handles, something stopped him.

"Are you really just walking away like this?!"

It was Laurel, who had caught up with him and was clutching his cloak, preventing him from leaving. Severus barely registered her childish face, twisted with outrage, through the thick fog of hatred that clouded his vision. He jerked away from her and opened the door, but she took his arm, pulling him hard and kicking the door shut.

"Leave me!"

"Where the hell do you think you're going?!"

"It's none of your business!"

"I hope you don't plan on going after Greyback".

Severus felt his cheeks redden and jealousy built up so much in his stomach, that he had the urge to vomit.

"So what if I do? Do you care so much about the fate of that monster? Do you care so much about Greyback?"

"I don't give a shit what happens to Greyback. The only one that matters to me is you, Severus". - She replied, staring into his eyes, her hand still gripping the sleeve of his robe. – "You already said it's a full moon. How do you think I would feel if he bit you? If he hurt you?"

Those words almost felt like a caress, calming for a moment the intense anger he felt. She cared about him; Laurel really cared about him.

"He deserves to die". - He whispered.

"I will not allow you to stain your hands. You are not a murderer, Sev… Severus". – She corrected herself in time. – "I know I screwed up a lot, I understand if you want to leave. Just promise me you're not going to do something stupid".

"Do I look like the kind of man who does stupid things?" - He asked, arching one of his eyebrows.

"We have all done something stupid at times. I just acted stupid, but you, you are the smartest person I've ever met. I'm sure you won't do anything reckless to teach Greyback a lesson. I am not so worth it".

He felt a prick of pain hearing that. Of course she was worth it, whatever punishment, whatever sentence he might receive as a result of getting rid of the beast that had hurt her, it was worth it. He moved closer to Laurel and caressed her face with his free hand. He had never been so close to her, not like that. His eyes immediately darted to her lips. His whole body went numb. He wanted her. He needed her. He… He really could not dare to kiss her.

"Do not say that". - He said, swallowing the urge to devour her lips. – "I… I care a lot about you".

"Yeah, I know." – She said while burying her face in his chest and hugging his torso. – "I am a very useful specimen".

Severus took her by the shoulders and forced her to look him directly in the eye.

"You are not a soulless being, Laurel. You are not a laboratory sample, nor rotten rubbish. Don't listen to anything the Death Eaters tell you".

"Are you my friend, Severus?"

He felt a lump in his throat. He guided her back to the armchair and then went to the worktable, rummaging through the drawers, he took out the pack of cigarettes he had brought a week ago. He took two of them and putting them in his mouth, lit them at the same time with the little flame that he conjured from the tip of his wand. She passed one of them to Laurel, who took it gratefully and placed it between her lips, longing to feel the taste of Severus' mouth. The warmth of tobacco smoke, filling her lungs and the tickle of nicotine on her tongue calmed her nerves for a second.

"Do you trust me? Really trust me?" – He asked after taking the first draw of the smoke. The tar taste, bringing memories of his teenage years.

"I do". – She answered, licking her lips, expectant of the wizard´s next words.

"We´ll see now." – he answered while ashing his cigarette, clearing his throat and gather enough courage to go on. – "The woman I loved, who I still love, was my best friend. My only friend, since my childhood in Cokeworth. We went to Hogwarts together. She was a Gryffindor. I was a Slytherin. She was a Muggle-born and I was an idiot who was swayed by his fellow Death Eaters wannabes and the hatred I felt towards my Muggle father. At sixteen, I called her a horrible name. A disgusting slur that I shall never repeat again. I begged her forgiveness, but she decided to cut off all relationship with me from that moment, and with good reason, because I manage to destroy everything I touch. I am not deserving of forgiveness. I was marked as a Death Eater when I was only nineteen. A stupid kid, fascinated by power, seeking revenge against his bullies. I have done horrible things. I have helped the Dark Lord in his most wretched plans. Even though I have not killed anyone, I have had a hand in a few deaths. Do you really want to be friends with someone as despicable as me?"

"You are not despicable, Severus". - She answered. – "You judge yourself too hard for the decisions you took when you were sixteen. Sixteen! At that age I couldn't even decide if doing a perm or not".

"A what?" – He asked puzzled.

"A perm. Some sort of hideous hairstyle." – Laurel gestured with her hands, trying to show the volume that her straight hair had once reached. - "It doesn't matter, that´s beside the point. What I mean is that you were too young when you got involved in all of this, your only friend gone, your family broken… I understand. It doesn't mean I condone it, but I can really understand. They sell you a dream and once you get trapped inside, is not really possible to leave. You are not evil, you just made mistakes."

Laurel got up and stepped to where Severus was sitting, getting so close to him, that their noses almost touched. She looked straight at his eyes, examining the shining darkness for a long moment. He froze, staring back at the fiery brown, remembering that dream he had: Ut Luceant in Tenebris. "We both shine in the dark". – He thought.

"Looking better now, you really do look like a man who does a lot of stupid things" - Laurel whispered, smiling sweetly at him. - "Even so, I still entrust my life to you, Severus. I will always do it".

"You…" – Severus' low voice broke for a moment. – "After all this is over… Would you still want to…"

"I never give my back to a friend, if that is what you are wondering. Especially one that has saved my life".

"Especially one who endures your tantrums".

Laurel lowered her head, laughing sheepishly, stubbing out what was left of her cigarette in the fine glass ashtray.

"Do you still want to leave?"

"No". - Severus answered simply.

. . .

Soft candlelight illuminated the faces of Laurel and Severus, both reclining on the armchairs, gazing out at the rural landscape illuminated by the intensity of the midnight moon. In the middle of them, a small box with what was left of a rather squashed treacle tart that they had been eating without worrying about using any cutlery. Next to it, a bottle of Elf-made wine, his favourite.

"I was wondering… that darkness that suddenly appears in your eyes…"

"My eyes are very black, cold as some people say."

"No, I can see the shine in them most of the time but sometimes they turn… like dark tunnels… so black and empty".

"It´s called Occlumency. I keep my mind in hide all the time, so others cannot see my thoughts".

"So, wizards can get into your head? Like, mind reading?"

"Mind is not a book you can simply open and read. It is much more complex than that; but yes, a Muggle would understand it like that".

"Ok. What am I thinking now?"

Severus knew that question would come up, but still he couldn't help feeling a twinge of irritation, not only because it was stupid and childish, but mainly because it was a reminder that it was not possible for him to penetrate Laurel's thoughts and memories. Really, he wanted to see inside her mind. He wanted to find an answer to a question that had plagued him for a couple of weeks. Was she falling the same way he was falling for her?

"I can´t get inside your head." - He answered her. – "Legilimency is a form of magic, you are unfortunately, totally resistant to it".

She kept quiet, pondering at the idea of getting into someone´s head.

"What are you hiding from your Dark Lord?"

Severus turned to look at her. Dumbledore was right. Laurel was nobody´s fool.

"The less you know..."

"The less I know the better". - Laurel cut him off. - "I already know the lecture, but now I'm starting to realise that you're probably involved in something very dangerous, Sev... Severus".

He noticed her stammer, feeling a little guilty about the reaction he'd had earlier, he decided that he could tolerate that name being spoken by Laurel's voice. He would adapt in time.

"You can call me Sev, if you want". - He whispered in his silky voice.

"I'd rather not." – She answered with a calm voice. - "Memories are treasures. Sev reminds you of her, of Lily. She is important to you. Don´t ever loose that. Besides, I very much like Severus… Your father chose it. It reminds me of Tobias whenever I pronounce it. It became special".

"Tobias Snape chose my name?"

"Does it surprise you?"

"I always thought my mother… Severus is not a common muggle name…"

"She wanted to call you Vespertilius, as I recall."

"Like my grandfather. Thank God she didn´t do it".

"Why?"

Severus chuckled and took a sip of the glass of wine.

"It is the Latin for bat. The nocturnal flying animal".

"Makes sense to me". - Laurel laughed as well. – "But probably you rather have the name of an Emperor, I guess".

"Indeed".

Laurel yawn as her eyes started to close.

"Thank you for staying tonight, Severus".

"Good night". – He whispered.

. . .

About an hour had passed since Laurel had fallen asleep. Severus stared into the darkness, tuning his ears. Only the slight sounds of the fire crackling in the fireplace broke the complete silence of the mansion. But then he could hear the terrifying howl in the distance. Greyback.

He stood up silently, his black shoes soundproofed by a spell, walked to the door of the suite. Opening it carefully, he avoided looking at the sheaf of blankets he had wrapped around the Akardos's body. If he had, he would have noticed how a pair of eyes snapped open as she also heard the supernatural howl of the werewolf.

Before she could react, the wizard had already closed the door behind him.