Thank you all to those who read, those who reviewed, those who followed, and those who liked the story. I do hope you continue to enjoy this journey. - AlexisRose
Chapter 2
1920
Over time, Anna had become quite accustomed to the rise and fall of the waves in the ocean. It almost became a soothing motion that could calm her when her body began to shake and tremble, as she felt herself drowning in the loss of her husband. Today, she sat herself by the large window of the room and held tightly to her chest. It wasn't getting any easier to live this life without John.
Of course, it had only been a week. Seven days without him. A tear slid down her cheek and she closed her eyes, trying to enjoy the movement below her. She tried to pretend that it was John rocking her, trying to remind her that he was still there.
"Anna?"
She turned to see Lady Mary standing in the doorway of their large bedroom. It was not what Anna had expected when Lady Mary had agreed to have Anna come along with her to America. She had assumed she would be staying in third class quarters, but Lady Mary insisted that Anna would be her companion on their journey across the ocean and not a maid. It was such a strange thing for Anna and perhaps something she could have even enjoyed if her heart didn't feel as though it was torn into a million shreds.
"Yes, m'lady," Anna said, standing from her chair. Mary gave her an uneasy smile, showing she didn't quite know the right things to say to Anna for her loss.
"I've told you that while we're on this ship, I'm only to be Mary," she instead lightly scolded.
"Yes, my…I mean Mary," Anna quietly replied, tugging on the edge of the sleeves of her dress. She felt uncomfortable being around Lady Mary now, though she never had before. It was because there was now this nervous energy between them. She knew that Anna was mourning, yet didn't know how to act and Anna felt the same.
"Would you like to join me for dinner?" Anna's head shook at Lady Mary's question. "You must eat something," Mary prodded.
"I ate an apple earlier," Anna stated.
"An apple is not sufficient enough," Mary admonished. She stepped forward, grasping at the edge of her dress to keep it from tugging underneath her heal. There was a small tear that Anna needed to hem, but Mary had insisted it could be mended at a later time. Lady Mary was being so very kind to her and she didn't know how she would be able to repay her for this kindness.
"You must come to dinner with me," Mary now insisted.
Anna wanted to disagree with her, to say that she'd much rather stay here in this room alone, but she couldn't do it. There was a sadness that etched over Mary's features as well which made her want to do something that made her happy. While Mary hadn't lost the love of her life in death, she had lost him. Anna could remember how much that pain ached and it was just as real as the pain she was in now. They didn't have to compete for who had the right to be the saddest, the both of them had lost the most precious gift they had been given.
"Oh, alright," Anna acquiesced. At that, Mary smiled.
"Excellent. You must wear the burgundy dress, Anna. We'll eat by the water and enjoy the beautiful ocean."
"Yes, my lady," Anna said with a nod, thankful when Mary did not correct her again.
-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-
Mary attempted to continue a lively conversation, but Anna's eyes were always drawn off into the distance, as she stared at the ocean. Mary lips were pulled downwards and she lifted up her glass of wine, taking a small sip. She wondered if she was trying too hard. The two of them were heartbroken and it wasn't as though this trip across the ocean would make that any different.
She sat herself back in her chair and glanced at the ocean. It was dusk and so the colors bounced off the waves making a beautiful art piece. If she could draw, she would want to draw this. Despite her governess's attempts at teaching Mary how to paint, Mary had never been able to acquire that skill. It hadn't mattered, though, because Mary had been able to succeed in nearly every other skill given to her. She hadn't cared much for painting and so she hadn't worked hard at it. But now she wondered if she had actually tried, if she could now paint this beauty before her.
"I…I'm sorry," Anna's quiet voice drew her from her thoughts. Anna had her hands clasped in front of her and tightened so tightly that her knuckles were almost as white as snow. She looked so different than Mary had ever seen Anna before. When they arrived at the ship, Anna had worn a simple dress and she had done the same ever since. Yet, tonight, she looked as though she was a proper lady. Her hair was twisted up into an ornate bun and she wore rouge on her cheeks.
"Why are you apologizing?"
"I'm just…I'm not the best companion for this trip," Anna replied. She shifted slightly in her chair. Over Anna's shoulder, Mary saw a man eyeing Anna and it made her smile, before shaking her head and returning her thoughts to Anna.
"You are the best companion, Anna. You aren't here to entertain me. You are here as my friend." The word friend escaping Mary's lips gave her pause. It surprised her, not that she didn't view Anna as a friend. However, it wasn't a word one just threw around between Lady and her maid. Anna seemed just as shocked. Her jaw slackened and her eyes grew larger, before she quickly composed herself and sat up straighter, grabbing her fork from beside her plate.
"I do consider myself your friend, as well, my lady," Anna murmured. Mary opened her mouth to chastise Anna for using the proper term, but decided against it. She watched as Anna stabbed her fork a bit too harshly into a potato, taking a bite.
Mary smiled. "Good."
The rest of the evening went smoothly, albeit, still quiet. Yet, there was an easiness that had settled over them both. From time to time, one would say something simple to the other or observe some of the guests around them. It was nice. For the first time, in a very long time, Mary felt something stirring within her. Something she couldn't quite explain, but something that made her feel at ease.
Her loss of Matthew still shattered her, of course. He had been her one true love. She had finally been able to admit that to herself. She loved him more than life itself. If there had been a way to remain with him, she would have fought against every evil in the world to have him. But that hadn't been obtainable. The stain of Pamuk threatened not only her future, but his as well. And she could not do that to him. No, she wanted him to have everything in life, even if that meant that she had to suffer. She guessed that was what true love was, being willing to suffer for the other to be happy.
Glancing over at Anna, she saw that Anna's plate was barely touched. Mary frowned. She knew that her own heartache was nothing in comparison with Anna's. Poor Anna had lost her husband and would never be able to see his face again. At least Matthew was still alive, at least Mary would be able to see his face once more, even if it broke her heart.
"Let's go for a walk," Mary stated, standing from her chair. Her abrupt movement made Anna purse her lips together and look around them. But Mary remained standing. She didn't quite care what anyone on this ship thought about her or her manners. The odds of seeing them again were rare. "Come on," Mary insisted.
Gathering the napkin off her lap, Anna placed it on the table and stood as well. Mary linked their arms in a playful manner and pulled Anna away from the rest of the tables and to the nearly empty deck at the front of the ship.
The sun was gone now and their only light was behind them. Mary tightened her hold on Anna's arm and closed her eyes, breathing in the scent of the ocean air. It felt peaceful. She wondered if they couldn't just stay here, on the ship, forever.
"It's getting cold." Anna's voice broke Mary from her thoughts. Her eyes popped opened and she turned to stare at Anna. Anna's lower lip was trembling slightly and a tear was sliding down Anna's cheek, making Mary's chest tighten. She had never been one who knew how to comfort others. But she wanted to comfort Anna in some way. Anna had always been there for her.
Her free hand came up and she brushed her knuckles against Anna's cheek, wiping the tear away. Anna startled slightly and Mary furrowed her brows.
"I'm sorry," Mary apologized. But Anna shook her head. "I'm so sorry about Bates, Anna. He was a good man and didn't deserve to be hanged." At these words, Anna took in a shaky breath and another tear fell from her cheek.
"We should head back to our room. Tomorrow is an early day."
Mary only nodded.
As they walked back to their suite, Anna did not pull away from Mary's grasp. Their arms remained locked and Mary thought briefly about what others may think. But more than likely, they would be seen as good friends, and that was what they were.
They ended up at the door to their suite and Mary paused, a wave of memory flashing over her. Without thinking, she bent over and quickly pecked Anna's lips. Almost immediately, Mary's cheeks turned crimson. What had she just done?
"I…Oh Anna, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. That was not proper at all. I only….I guess this evening just reminded me of Matthew and I…."
"It's alright," Anna quietly replied. She unlatched the lock of the door and stepped inside their room. Anna turned to face Mary and gave her a solemn smile. "Heartbreak can make one do strange things."
"Right," Mary agreed. And that had to be it, correct? Yes, it was her heartbreak for Matthew that had led to that quick kiss. It really wasn't even a kiss, merely a peck, a hello or a goodbye type of peck. There was no meaning behind it, Mary assured herself.
When Mary looked up, Anna had already disappeared behind the curtain to change. Mary sighed.
Fall 1970
Jack glanced up from his notebook, before leaning forward to turn off his tape. He looked to the two women in front of him and his brows furrowed.
"Gran what did you think when Auntie kissed you?"
Mary was smiling, her hand wrapped around Anna's. But his gran was looking around, confused.
"Where's my boy?" She asked, her voice frantic.
"Anna," Mary soothed, reaching out to touch Anna's cheek. But his grandmother just shook her head and stood, unsteady on her feet.
"Gran?"
"You should probably go," Mary told Jack. "I think this has been too much for today."
His aunt had her hands on Anna's shoulders and was trying to console the agitated woman before her. This was the first time he had seen one of her fits in person, he had heard of them happening but it was very different to see it. Though Mary had told him to leave, Jack stood there in shock.
"Where is Johnny?!"
"Gran, he's…."
"I told you to leave!" Mary bit. It was then that Jack noticed the tears swimming in her eyes. He inhaled sharply, wanting to help, but he nodded.
As he walked out of Downton Abbey, he heard Mary calling for their nurse and asking for help. He heavily sighed. Things were worse than he thought.
To be continued...
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