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Chapter 5
1920- America
Anna's eyes couldn't help but be drawn to all of the beautiful baby things with this one shop she and Mary had entered. They were all so exquisite. There was a beautiful white gown with lace and a matching bonnet. Her hand reached out to run across fabric. It was soft and felt marvelous against her skin.
"Oh, you must get it!" Mary said, coming up beside her. She lifted the gown and bonnet, smiling.
"M'lady, I daren't. I can make something adequate enough for the baby and it is still too early," Anna replied, letting out a low sigh. She didn't want to add that this would cost more than she could easily afford. Buying new things for a baby would never be something attainable for her. She would need to make the baby's clothes from old clothes or gather pass me downs from the village.
"Adequate? No, no, you must have this. I insist."
"M'lady," Anna shook her head. "I can't."
"I'm purchasing it for you. Think of it as your first gift from me."
Anna knitted her brows, a bought of anger rising up her spine
"I don't need your charity, m'lady," Anna tried to temper herself. Mary's smile fell from her lips and she turned the gown within her hands.
"I don't see it as charity, Anna. I am sure your child will have beautiful clothing that you sew and make for him or her," Mary attempted to placate. Anna immediately felt foolish and twisted her hands in front of her.
"I…I'm sorry," Anna stated. "I shouldn't have gotten so upset over a gown and bonnet. While I am so very thankful that I am likely with child, I am still worried about how I'll do this alone, how I'll do this without Mr. Bates." A lone tear slid down her cheek.
All she thought of was John. She missed him terribly; she missed him every day, every moment, every second. He would never know of the child; he would never get to meet him. Another tear escaped her eyelid.
"Well, of course you do," Mary sympathetically answered. "I can only imagine how difficult this must feel, but I promise we will assist you, Anna. You and your child will be taken care of. I will not allow you to do this on your own."
"Thank you, m'lady," Anna murmured.
"Will you please let me purchase this for your little one?" Anna nodded. "After that, let us go for a cup of tea, alright?"
"Alright."
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Despite how many times Mary insisted that Anna didn't need to call her m'lady while they were out and about, she continued to do so. Off of the ship, Anna seemed to feel like they should remain in their roles as lady and her maid. But Mary wanted anything but that. They were in America. Surely things could be different here.
Mary needed things to be different. Her heart was broken. She missed Matthew and his companionship. She often found her thoughts wandering to what he was doing, how he was fairing. She wanted those thoughts to disappear. They plagued her and made her heart feel as though it was being tightened by a vice. She just wanted to feel something other than heartbreak and the only times she felt that way was when she was with Anna. Perhaps it was because Anna could understand how she hurt, when others, try as they may, could not.
They were able to secure a table outside. The weather was perfect and they were the only ones for the time being. Mary lifted the cup from the table and took a slow sip of her tea. Her nose squished up. It seemed Americans didn't seem to have the craft of how to make tea the way the British did.
"Is it too hot, m'lady. I could go and…" As Anna went to stand up, Mary brought her hand across the table and rested it on Anna's.
"Sit down, Anna," Mary commanded. "While we are out and about, it is not your job to serve me." Anna retook her seat and sipped her own tea. It was then that she made a face and Mary chuckled. "So, you see. It's just not British tea."
"No," Anna agreed, a small smile curling up upon her lips. "It is not. At least the biscuits are quite tasty."
"Yes. They are." Mary took a bite of one of the biscuits and then placed it back down, her eyes glancing over the street beside them. It was such a lovely day. "We shouldn't head back until near time for dinner, Anna."
"Early enough to get you dressed, of course."
Mary frowned. She was quite tired of all of the traditions.
"I suppose." She then had an idea. "Or, what if we found somewhere to eat dinner."
"M'lady, you can't do that. Your grandmama will be awaiting your arrival before they serve dinner."
"Aren't you tired of all of the work it takes just to prepare me for supper? Honestly, it takes hours just so I can sit with my family to eat."
Anna's lips pursed together in thought.
"That's how it's always been."
"Well, maybe I don't want it to be that way anymore."
"I think your heart is just broken, m'lady, and so you are being a bit rebellious." Mary smirked, but then slid back in her chair slightly. Was that what this was? Rebellion after losing Matthew? She gathered it did make some sense. With losing Matthew, she felt as though she had lost everything she knew about herself.
"Perhaps," Mary finally replied, forgetting that she didn't like the taste of the tea and taking another sip. Placing the horrid tea back down, Mary leaned forward. Her hand grazed the top of Anna's hand and Anna's eyes met hers. "But what is the harm in that, Anna? You and I have done our roles. I think it's time we changed it up a bit, if only for a little while."
Mary's eyes remained stuck on Anna's. A strange feeling flooded her and Mary nearly wanted to lean even closer to Anna. But instead, she moved back, leaving her fingers on Anna's knuckles.
"I guess," Anna quietly replied. She slipped her hand from under Mary's touch and onto her lap.
"Then that settles it. We find somewhere lively for dinner, maybe something simple, even. Really turn things on their heels."
That was what brought laughter to Anna's lips.
"If that's what you wish, m'lady."
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And so for weeks, Mary defied the expectations of herself. Anna ended up loving it as well. It kept her from always feeling that deep ache in her bones that plagued her when they weren't off gallivanting around New York.
Today they were walking around a small pond where families were having picnics and children were flying kites. Anna paused in her steps and her eyes were drawn to those families. Her hand came to rest on her stomach and she thought of the child within her. Thoughts of John swirled around her and she grew unsteady on her feet. That was how it happened. She would be fine one moment and then it would hit her so harshly that she'd feel as though her world might collapse around her and she wondered how she could live any longer without him.
"Anna?" Mary's arm came around hers, holding her steady. "Let's sit down."
What happened next was all in a blur, before Anna realized she was sitting on a bench. Mary's eyes were full of concern, her brows knitted.
"It's alright," she soothed. "Is it the baby? Does anything hurt?"
Anna tightened her hand against her belly and shook her head. Her baby was just fine. She had started to notice tightening in some of her dresses. It was a wonderful feeling; a sign that her little one was growing.
"I miss him," Anna whispered fervently. "I wish he could have known he was having a child."
Mary could only nod. Her hand came around Anna's and she gave it a tight squeeze. Anna had noticed that Mary now did that more and more often to give Anna comfort. Sometimes their eyes would meet and Anna felt this intense surge go through her. She couldn't explain it. Her only explanation was the understanding Mary gave her.
She felt as Mary's hand removed itself from hers and then moved up her arm to push a hair that had fallen from her braided bun. Mary's fingers remained on her cheek for a moment and Anna's breath caught within her throat. Mary's eyes were intense now and her bottom lip was between her teeth.
The sound of a bell on a bike dinging made the two of them break apart and Anna quickly turned away. Her heart was racing. It was only comfort, she reminded herself. That was all any of this was.
"We should go find something for lunch."
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They arrived back at her grandmama's before dinner that evening. She had promised her grandmama that she wouldn't miss this particular evening. There was someone special coming and she was told that she must be there. Her grandmama was being quite generous and so Mary knew that she should do this, before she was shipped back to Downton Abbey and back to her shame.
Though, she did hope this wasn't some vain attempt to find her a husband. The last thing she wanted was to go through the courting process right now. In fact, there was a good chance that she might never decide to marry now. She could remain a spinster for the rest of her days. Her mama and papa would not be pleased about that, but she didn't care.
"Oh, Mary." Mary glanced up to see her grandmama coming up to her with a smile on her face.
"Why do you look so surprised?"
"It's rare you actually show up on time," she answered with a smirk. Mary decided not to reply. "And our guest just showed up."
Mary tilted her head to one side. So this was a set up. She wanted to act surprised, but she was not. Following her grandmama to the parlor, she found herself wondering how Anna was doing downstairs with the servants. They usually ate dinner together now. Would she be alright downstairs? After dinner, she'd ask her about it.
They entered the parlor and Mary's mouth ran dry. Her heart began to race in her chest.
"Matthew?"
Fall 1970
Mary could feel her body growing tired. She kept herself awake though, because Anna was unsettled. She was going through photo albums on the settee, continually reminding Mary about every picture and every event.
"Anna, darling, might we go to bed?"
"No," Anna simply said. She had become quite stubborn in her old age. Mary stood from the settee and glanced outside. It wasn't too late, not really. Once upon a time, she had been able to stay up until the sun rose. Now, soon after the sun set, she was ready for bed. Anna, on the other hand, seemed to always be energized.
"Oh! I love this one!" Anna called out. Mary turned, a smile growing on her lips.
"Yes, that's a good memory," Mary agreed. She walked back over toward Anna and lifted the photo from her hands.
"He was so little. Five there, perhaps?"
"Yes," Mary replied. Anna's mind might be going, but her memory of the past was stronger than ever. Anna could recall things that even Mary could not. She would remind her of events that had been long forgotten for her.
"It was the day Thomas took the boys out fishing at the pond," Anna said.
"Oh yes, Barrow was quite fond of them. Treated them well. I bought Johnny that camera- you told me I was spoiling him."
"You were. It was very expensive and Johnny was only seven, much too young for such an extravagant gift." Anna replied, but she was smiling. "He loved it."
"Yes, and he never broke it," Mary added. "He was always a responsible boy." At that, Anna nodded.
Anna's eyes went back to the child in the photo, "George was such a beautiful child."
"He was," Mary agreed.
"Our children are beautiful."
Mary reached over and grasped at Anna's hands. "They are." Her thoughts went to the two boys and how they were all grown now and parents of their own, "Let us go to bed now, alright, darling?"
Anna finally nodded, "alright."
To be continued...
