"No."

"Oh, come on Evans," James said.

Sirius, Peter, and Remus were sitting by the fire, all three managing to listen attentively to the conversation taking place across the common room without actually looking like they were. Sirius and Peter were pretending to be thoroughly involved in a game of chess, and Remus' nose was, as usual, buried in a book. Sirius had positioned himself on the couch next to Remus, using the boy's legs as a footrest. Peter occasionally tossed him a glare when Remus wasn't looking, but Sirius resolutely ignored him.

It had been a few days since Sirius had convinced Remus to give it a try, and though they hadn't gone any further than snogging when people weren't around, Sirius was pleased with how things were progressing. Getting the boy comfortable and into a relationship was half the battle after all.

"I said no, Potter," the red head James was accosting said.

James persisted. "When you say no I know you really mean—"

"Never?" Lily said.

Sirius and Peter exchanged winces as James spoke his next words. The only indication that Remus heard was the slight raise of an eyebrow. "Other girls would kill to be in your shoes." Wherefore art thou, Romeo?

"Kill themselves is more likely," the girl retorted, before turning and stalking up to the girls dormitory, well aware that James couldn't follow.

Sirius coughed, trying to cover the laugh that threatened to break free and Peter bit his lip before sending his knight to take the other boy's bishop. Even Remus' lips twitched slightly. James stormed over, and fortunately all three of them managed to get straight faces on before he made it to them.

"That girl sends out such mixed signals," he said, sounding thoroughly exasperated as he flopped into the armchair near Remus' end of the couch.

"Didn't sound mixed to me, mate," Sirius said, sending his rook to battle one of Peter's bishops. "The only signal I was picking up was loathing."

"Do shut up," James snapped. He sighed and suddenly looked totally dejected. "I don't know what she wants from me."

Two weeks ago Remus wouldn't have even thought about speaking up in this conversation. Of course, two weeks ago he'd probably have been in the library by himself as well. "Perhaps if you stopped calling her Evans, she'd be more receptive to your advances?" he said, turning a page.

James glowered at him. "What would you know about it?"

Remus glanced up from his book, trying not to look hurt. It had only been a suggestion. He didn't think James would be so defensive.

"Sod off James," Sirius said, glaring at him. "Don't take it out on Remus just because Evan's denied you again."

Remus' eyes widened as James turned on Sirius, looking ready to say something quite nasty. He hadn't meant to cause a fight, for Merlin's sake. Whatever James had been about to say was cut off as Peter piped up.

"Besides, James," he said. "If you were ever going to take advice from anyone, wouldn't Remus be a good one? They are prefects together – they probably talk all the time."

James closed his mouth, suddenly looking rather sheepish.

Peter was exactly right. Remus had heard plenty on the subject of James Potter and his 'insensitive and chauvinistic attitude.' He was the one she usually came to when she wanted a male's opinion on the matter. The advice he'd just given James was something he knew for a fact bothered Lily.

"Sorry, mate," James said to Remus, sounding contrite. "I shouldn't have jumped down your throat like that."

"Not to worry," Remus said as if nothing had happened. Sirius was watching him as he returned his attention to his book.

"Do you really think that would work?" James asked softly.

Remus looked up, studying him for a moment. He then gave him a small smile. "It would definitely help your cause," he said in a tone that made him sound quite certain of the fact.

James' eyes widened behind his glasses at that certainty, then he beamed at him. "Thanks, Remus!" he said. "You're a great guy."

Remus blushed, ducking his head and going back to his book. Only Peter saw the soft smile that graced Sirius' features as he watched him.


The change was barely noticeable, but to someone who spent most of his time watching – more specifically watching a certain Gryffindor prefect – it was quite obvious. The little looks, the slight "accidental" touches as they sat together at meals. Sirius Black and Remus Lupin were together.

The thought left a bitter taste in Severus' mouth. He had been trying for over a year with no success to get Remus to look his way and Black waltzed into the picture and stole him away in less than two weeks. He watched as Black whispered something into Remus' ear and the tawny haired boy quietly laughed – actually laughed - at whatever the idiot had to say. It made him sick.

Severus, of course, had seen this coming. He'd noticed Black's sudden interest in Remus when it had started, though the boy's intentions were unclear at the time. But even if Black had just woken up after five years and decided he wanted to be Remus' friend, Severus was not willing to let that happen. It had been simple to get alone with Remus before – the boy was always alone. But if he joined Potter and Black the boy would never be by himself again.

He'd thought he had taken care of the problem when he had casually pointed the new friendship out to Regulus, but obviously, for all his boasts and claims, the younger Black had no more control over his brother than anyone else did.

Severus stood, leaving breakfast early and heading, not towards his own class, but to find a place to wait and intercept Black. He was well aware that Black would be walking to Care of Magical Creatures alone. Remus and Potter had opted out of the class as soon as they could, and Pettigrew always waited until the last possible moment to stop stuffing his face, which meant the Black always made the walk across the grounds without any merry little band to back him up.

His hand was on his wand – not because he wanted to duel, but because Black had always been an act first, think never type of git and he didn't want to be caught off guard.

When Black eventually rounded the corner he stopped short, hand immediately moving to his wand.

"Black," Severus said.

"Are you lost, Snivellous?" the Gryffindor sneered. "Might want to get indoors before the sunlight causes you to burst into flames."

"Your wit never ceases to amaze me," Severus replied sardonically. "You've been making new friends I see."

Black's expression became a dark scowl that was quite unbecoming on his normally handsome face. "Why is it the entire Slytherin house seems so bloody concerned with what I do?" he asked.

"Stay away from him," Severus said. He wanted Remus. He wasn't going to let Black come in and take him.

"I'll go near whoever I please," Black snapped. "And I'd advise you to keep your beak out of it, since it's none of your bloody business."

"How did your parents take the news you were a ponce then?" Severus asked with a smirk.

Black's cocky grin disappeared almost instantly, much to Severus' satisfaction. Then it was back again, though slightly forced. "I know you want me Snivelly - everyone does - but I'm afraid I don't date people greasier than my breakfast."

"Has he told you?" Severus asked, deliberately looking smug.

Black looked confused. "Told me what?"

"He hasn't then. A lot of trust there." He snorted. "And you don't even care enough to notice. What is he to you? Some sort of conquest? Planning to move on as soon as you get him into bed?"

The look on the other boy's face made Severus think that he'd hit pretty close to the mark.

"And what the hell do you know, Snivelly?" he finally said.

"I know more than you'd think, Black."

Black's expression faltered again and he appeared to be out of 'witty comebacks.'

"Stay away from Lupin, Black. He's not yours," Severus said. The unspoken 'He's mine' hung clearly in the air.

Like he'd hit a switch Black had suddenly pulled out his wand, pointing it directly at Severus' face. "Keep your huge nose in your cauldron, Snivellous. That's the safest place for it. Otherwise who knows what might happen to it?" He muttered a spell and Severus' hands flew to his nose, which had begun growing. His nostrils were already the size of dinner plates by the time Black turned and stalked away.


Sirius quickly made his way down the hall, hoping Remus hadn't gone to his Arithmancy class early. Part of him knew he should probably have gone to Care of Magical Creatures and given himself a chance to cool off.

But the encounter of Snape had not only left him angry, but the words Regulus had said to him weeks before kept running through his head.

You'd be surprised what Severus knows about him.

He pushed his way through the crowds of students on their way to class and caught sight of a familiar head of tawny hair. Shoving past the rest of the people he made his way over to him. "Remus."

The boy jumped, startled. "Sirius? Don't you have Care of Magical Creatures with Peter?"

Sirius ignored the question. "I need to talk to you."

Remus frowned in confusion. "I have class in a few min—"

He didn't get to finish, for Sirius grabbed his arm and pulled him from the now thinning crowd and into an empty corridor.

"Ow, Sirius," Remus said, trying to pull away. "Let go."

Realizing his grip was much harder than he'd intended, Sirius immediately released him. Remus was watching him expectantly, wondering what on earth had gotten into him.

"Did you shag Snape?" Sirius blurted. He was no good at beating around the bush anyway.

"What?" Remus exclaimed. "Of course not."

"Then why did he say—" Sirius trailed off. Snape hadn't really said anything of the sort had he?

Remus' gaze, however, darkened. "He said we had shagged?"

"Not exactly."

Remus sighed, leaning back against the wall. "I can't believe him."

Sirius was confused now, and he hated the feeling. Why had he gotten so worked up about it anyway? So what if he had shagged Snape? Who the hell cared? It didn't matter to him one way or another.

"Wait," Sirius finally said. "How did he even know about us? Did you tell him?"

"That's definitely not a conversation I want to have ever," Remus said. "Snape has a—" He paused, considering. Crush didn't seem like the right word. "Fixation on me. I'm sure he figured it out on his own.

"Fixation?" Sirius repeated, not like the sound of that.

"He fancies me, I suppose. He's been asking me out regularly since fourth year."

"What?" Sirius hissed, suddenly feeling angry again at the mere thought of Snape trying to be with Remus. "Slimy Slytherin git. Probably just wants to get into your pants—" He cut himself off abruptly, feeling a little ill. Was Sirius any better, really?

If Remus noticed the sudden silence, he said nothing of it, instead absently rubbing his wrists. "Yes, well maybe now he'll get the picture."

"Picture?" Sirius asked, pulled from his thoughts by Remus' voice.

"That I don't fancy him."

Sirius grinned, pushing the churning in his stomach away to be dealt with at another time. He moved forward, and placed his hands on the wall on either side of Remus' head. "That's cause you fancy me."

Remus raised an eyebrow, looking unaffected, but there was a mischievous gleam in his eyes that few rarely saw. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh I think you do," Sirius said, leaning closer to capture his lips in a kiss.

But Remus ducked and slid under his arms, freeing himself from being pinned against the wall. "I'm already late for class," he said, sending an impish grin at him.

"So what's a few extra minutes?" Sirius said, advancing on him.

"Exactly that. A few extra minutes." Remus suddenly closed the distance between them, leaned up and gave Sirius a quick kiss before darting away from his grasp and heading to class. "See you at lunch."


"Remus Lupin you're a bloody genius!"

Remus glanced up from his book in utter surprise as James came bursting into the dorms, grinning madly and stumbling his way over to his bed, followed by a puffing wide-eyed Peter. When he actually got a good look at James Remus' eyes widened as well and he leaned back into Sirius, discreetly trying to back away from the bespectacled boy.

"James," Sirius drawled from where he was sitting behind Remus, reading over his shoulder with his arms wrapped around his waist – okay so he hadn't been really reading so much as admiring the smooth line of Remus' neck. "Are you aware your face has sprouted…" he trailed off, apparently searching for the right word.

"Tentacles?" Remus supplied, head cocked thoughtfully.

"Mmm. Don't tentacles have suckers though?" Sirius asked.

"Not necessarily."

"No, I'm fairly certain suckers are an integral part of a tentacle."

"I don't think that suckers are a requirement for tentacle status," Remus said, eyes glinting with a hidden grin. "And if they aren't tentacles what would you call them?"

"Disgusting," Sirius responded.

Peter watched the banter in some amazement, momentarily forgetting that his friend did indeed have tentacles of some sort growing from his face. Almost always silent Remus Lupin was bantering, with Sirius Black. And damn if the two of them didn't look cute together.

"Can we please forget about classifying my growths and focus on the more important issue at hand, please?" James piped up.

"Which would be?" Sirius asked.

"Removing said growths?" Remus said.

"No," James said, quite exasperated with the two of them. "The fact that Lily Evans called me James!"

"Way to go, Jamie!" Sirius said, happy for his friend. His expression suddenly became a little disturbed. "Merlin's balls, now they're moving."

Remus leaned further into Sirius as a tentacle made a swipe at him. "That's really excellent, James. Now that you have given us that wonderful news, may I inquire as to how you wound up with tentacles growing out of your face?"

"He got so excited that she called him James instead of Potter that he tried to kiss her," Peter explained.

"Well, that'd do it," Sirius said, not sounding surprised in the least.

"So, Remus, do you have any more advice?" James took a seat on his bed.

As one, Remus and Sirius backed up as the tentacles reached out to say hello. "Avoid trying to kiss red heads with short tempers and—" Remus paused, leaning closer for a moment to examine one of the growths, and when he continued he sounded thoroughly impressed. "Amazing jinxes. Look at that, there's actually a barnacle on that one."

"No way, really?" Sirius asked, leaning closer as well. "Blimey she's good."

James ignored them. "Advice? Hello? What you said worked, Rem, what else should I do?"

"Oy!" Sirius suddenly exclaimed. "You should get your bloody tentacle out of my boyfriend's pants to start!"

Remus had gone very still as one of the things growing from James' face began to crawl up his pant leg. But he and Peter and James (and James' tentacles) all positively froze at Sirius' outburst. Because, while they were all aware that Sirius and Remus were a 'something,' (though that 'something' was looked at differently by three of the four boys) Sirius had never called Remus his boyfriend before.

Sirius, realizing what he'd said, pretended to be nonchalant about the entire thing, even though he inwardly had begun to panic a little bit. He continued to glare at James, who finally snapped out of it and stood, taking his tentacles out of reach. "I'm going to go get these taken care of, I think," he finally said.

Peter eyed Sirius once before opting to follow James out of the dorm with a quick "See you later," to Remus and Sirius.

Sirius then mentally tensed, waiting for Remus to bring up what he'd said. But Remus simply picked up his book and snuggled up against him, content and not planning to question anything.


Sirius trailed feather-light kisses along Remus' jaw, moving steadily lower until he made it to his neck. The smaller boy leaned his head back to give him better access and he began alternately sucking and nipping gently at the skin there, reveling in the little noises Remus made.

It had been almost two weeks since they had started whatever this was, and Sirius was still trying to convince himself that the reason he couldn't keep his hands off the other boy was simply because he was running out of time. It had nothing to do with the soft feel of his lips or those cute little whimpers that came out of his mouth or the fact that there was something absolutely stunning about the boy when he was lying under him, flushed and panting.

Sirius' hand began to wander, sliding between them and to Remus' robes only to be met with Remus' hand and slowly moved away.

Something in the part of his brain that wasn't concentrating on Remus' neck or feel of his hand threaded through his hair or the scent of his shampoo - which was really quite enticing - realized that he had just been denied. With less than a week left for the bet, this wasn't a good sign.

He needed to step up his game.

His teeth grazed across sensitive skin and he added a little roll of his hips, providing a bit of friction that nearly made himself gasp in surprise at the feeling.

Remus did gasp, hand clenching momentarily in Sirius' hair, and the dark haired boy's hand began to wander again, moving back to Remus' robes.

"Sirius, not yet," Remus said breathlessly, his hand once again catching his and moving it away.

Sirius made sure not to look frustrated, and he also made sure his mind was well aware that the only reason he was frustrated was because of the bet. He flashed the boy a grin, not ready to push it quite yet. "Sorry," he said. "I got carried away."

He pressed his lips to Remus' then rolled off the boy, heading to the bathroom.

When the door was closed and he was alone he leaned against the sink, staring into the mirror. His face was flushed and his hair was mussed. This was becoming routine for him. Get Remus somewhere secluded, have an amazing snog and then go somewhere and feel guilty and disgusted with himself. This was wrong. Sirius wasn't a poof. It wasn't natural to kiss other blokes. And it certainly wasn't natural to enjoy it. He fancied girls.

As soon as this bet was over Sirius was going to go find a bird and shag her senseless.


A/N: I'm not dead. Neither is the story. I am really tired, though, and unable to form any more coherent thoughts. My excuse for lateness is writer's block. Forgive me. I love you. Thanks.