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Chapter 20

1920s- Downton Abbey

For a while, Mary was sure that Anna might never be able to stop her tears. They had been heart wrenching sobs that showed just how deep her pain was. It had torn Mary's heart into shreds, but she could only hold Anna to let her know she was there.

The cries did slow down. Soon, Anna's head was resting in Mary's lap, as Mary ran her fingers through Anna's hair that she had pulled down from her bun. Anna just laid there, shuddering breaths escaping her lips. No words had been spoken, but she was letting Mary comfort her. That Mary knew was the best first start.

Moments later, Anna was sitting herself up. Her face was wet from the tears and her nose and eyes were red. Mary reached over and touched Anna's cheek, giving it a gentle caress.

"Would you like a warm bath? I know you probably missed bathing in my tub." Since Anna had begun staying in her room, there were nights when Anna would bathe in Mary's bathroom. It was much more luxurious than the bathroom upstairs and it had warm water from the tap. While there were ways to get the water upstairs warm, it took longer for the tub to fill. It was actually a project that Mary wanted to work on, because it was something she hadn't known about until Anna told her about it.

"I…I don't know," Anna whispered, her words tired.

"Come on," Mary encouraged. She helped Anna stand and brushed the matted hair off her cheek. Then she led her into the bathroom. Mary turned on the tap and checked the temperature. Generally, Mary stayed out of the bath while Anna bathed, only bringing her a towel when she was finished, much like Anna did for her. But today was not like every other day. Anna was still so very fragile.

Mary assisted Anna out of her clothes and into the bath. Most of the marks had healed from when Mary had last seen her bare, but there was still some bruising around Anna's rib. As Anna sunk down into the tub, Mary's hand brushed along the purpled skin.

"Does it hurt something awful?" She asked Anna. Anna blinked harshly and nodded her head. "Are you sure you shouldn't see Dr. Clarkson? What if you broke a rib?"

"No…" Anna breathed, "No…"

"Alright," Mary gently replied. She was finally getting Anna to open up to her; she would have to be careful not to push her back into her shell. "Just relax."

Mary took a cup of water and poured it over Anna's exposed shoulders.

"Would you like me to wash your hair?" Mary offered.

"Alright," Anna just whispered. Mary filled the cup again and helped Anna tip her head back. She poured the water over her head and then gently messaged the soap into her hair. Anna's eyes remained closed, as Mary washed her hair with care. Her long blonde locks fell into the water and Mary cleared out all of the soap.

"There," Mary smiled. Anna didn't respond, but she wasn't distant either. She was just resting against the back of the tub. Mary's eyes fell back to the dark purple stain on Anna's skin and she could feel the lump forming in her throat. But she pushed it back and reminded herself that now was the time to remain strong.

Once Anna was finished, Mary grabbed a plush towel for her. She handed it to Anna, after helping her out of the tub.

"Would you like to stay with me tonight?" Mary tried not to give way how much she missed having Anna in her bed. The last thing Mary wanted to do was make Anna do anything that she was not comfortable with.

"I…I don't know…"

"You don't have to decide right now. And if you don't want…."

"I just," Anna interrupted, her eyes filling with tears. "I don't know what…" Her words paused again. Mary could tell that Anna was struggling to say what she wanted or needed to say.

"Let's get you dressed," Mary suggested, hoping to help Anna move forward. Sometimes the smaller steps had to be made so that the larger steps could happen.

Mary went into the bedroom and opened the small drawer where Anna's things were kept. There were a few nightgowns and a few black dresses. Mary didn't know which one to pick up. But Anna was beside her a moment later, lifting one of the white gowns up and out of the drawer.

"I've missed you too," Anna whispered. Mary's heart skipped a beat, but she tried not to act as though it had.

"Would you like me to help you in it?"

"No," Anna replied. "I can do it."

Mary gave Anna her privacy to get dressed, even though she had just helped her bathe. Then she heard Anna climbing into the bed and Mary turned to slide into the bed as well. Anna was turned toward the middle, resting her face on her hands.

"Do you feel a little bit better?" Mary questioned Anna.

"I feel tired," Anna only answered. "So very tired."

Mary nodded. "Just sleep then. Rest."

Anna's eyes closed. Mary reached over and pulled the covers up over Anna's shoulders. Then she turned off the lights and watched Anna as she slept.

-X-X-X-X-X-

When Anna awoke the next morning, the sun was already bright. She sat up to find Mary dressed and standing at her vanity, pinning a pin into her dark locks. While Mary could not achieve the ornate hairstyles that Anna was able to do, she was quite capable of twisting her hair into a simple, but beautiful low bun.

"Anna," Mary smiled, seeing that Anna had woken up. "I spoke with Mrs. Hughes and told her you are to rest today. I may have told her you were sleeping in Matthew's old study next door." Mary walked over to the bed and sat down. "I didn't want her going up to check on you," she added.

"I am alright," Anna quietly told her, sitting herself up. She grimaced slightly. Even though her side had been in pain for weeks, she would still forget to be careful with how she moved. Her eyes closed shut. It was getting better.

Opening her eyes, she saw worry staring back at her. Mary offered her a crooked grin and touched Anna's cheek.

"Rest," she stated again. "You've been pushing yourself too hard."

But the problem was that Anna wasn't sure she could rest. Sitting alone could only allow herself to think and that just lead her memories of the past coming to haunt her.

"I think I'd rather work," Anna told Mary. Mary frowned.

"But Anna…."

"I can't sit here," Anna's voice wobbled. "He won't leave me alone." Her voice cracked, as she touched her temple with her fingers.

"Alright," Mary murmured. "But I do insist you take it easy. Then we'll take the boys out later in the day for a picnic?"

That made Anna smile. "Yes, I think I'd like that."

"Good," Mary said. She leaned forward slightly and then caught herself, before climbing back off the bed.

Anna watched as Mary gathered her things and walked to the door. She turned back to Anna and gave her a small smile, before leaving the room.

Anna sat alone. It was then that she could feel the world crushing her again, but the weight was not quite as heavy as it was the day before. She found that she could breathe a bit better.

Anna realized what she needed to do. She slid out of the bed and searched for one of her black dresses. It was harder for her to get dressed now with the pain on her right side below her breast. But she managed.

Once she was dressed and had pulled up her hair, she made her way downstairs in search of Mrs. Hughes. The woman was in her parlor and working at her desk. Upon seeing Anna in her doorway, she stood.

Taking in a shaky breath, Anna closed the door behind her and began to twist her hands in front of her.

"I…I wanted to apologize for my behavior lately," she began. Her eyes couldn't quite meet Mrs. Hughes'. She was ashamed of how she had acted against the woman who had cared so much about her.

"Oh Anna," Mrs. Hughes breathed, grabbing her hands and forcing her to meet her eyes. "Don't you worry about that."

Anna glanced up, tears prickling behind her eyes. She pressed her finger below her eye to keep the tears at bay.

"I…I'm going to try and put this all behind me," Anna then said. "I want to move forward for Johnny and for myself."

Mrs. Hughes gave her a shaky smile, "I'm sure you will, but don't overdo it, Anna. Give yourself some time."

"I will," Anna promised. She blinked and a few tears fell. Mrs. Hughes stepped closer to her and placed her hand on her cheek, wiping away the tears with her thumb.

"And I'm here, when you need to speak, Anna."

"Thank you, Mrs. Hughes."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Time was a healer of wounds. Mary knew that to be true. Her heart still ached for Matthew, but she was able to enjoy life again. And as more weeks passed, Mary began to see healing in Anna, as well. But Anna still had a long ways to go. The brightness was still gone from her eyes and whenever she smiled, it was never her full smile. Her light had been stolen away.

This particular morning, Mary woke to sounds of Anna vomiting in the bathroom. Her brows furrowed and she let out a low sigh. This was not the first time this had happened. She gathered herself off the bed and went to check on Anna.

By the time she made it to the bathroom, Anna was standing at the sink, washing her face. She was pale and shaky.

"I…." Anna shuddered. "Johnny had that bug last week."

"Right," Mary said. She walked over to Anna and stood beside her, so that their eyes met in the mirror. There were things she wanted to say, wanted to ask, but Anna was finally showing progress. If she even suggested the thoughts she had, Anna might lose all the steps forward she had made. Mary wasn't going to say anything until she was absolutely certain.

"I still can't sleep," Anna murmured. "Not all night, anyway," she confessed. It wasn't a secret to Mary. At night, she could feel Anna tossing and turning beside her. "Perhaps, I need more work. When I was working for Lady Grantham as well, I was so worn out by the end of the day."

"You work hard every day, Anna. You've been through something traumatic, perhaps…"

"Have I?" Anna bit. Then she inhaled sharply and turned to Mary with tears in her eyes. "I…I'm sorry. This anger…it…"

"It's alright," Mary assured her. "I can handle a few snaps at my expense. And anyway, your 'anger' is nothing compared to how Edith and I can go at it with one another." The teasing in her tone made Anna softly smile. Mary wanted to kiss her then, but she kept herself from doing so. She wanted Anna to make the first move.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Anna scrubbed the shoe that she held within her hand. This room made her skin crawl, and yet, she always felt herself drawn back here. There was a sense of comfort when she cleaned here, right beside where he had held her down and took so much from her.

She wavered on her feet and closed her eyes for a moment. For weeks, she had felt ill. She was sure it was from the lack of sleep and the memories that haunted her. While her side looked better, it still hurt. Mary kept insisting she see a doctor about her rib. But Anna couldn't do it. He would know and then everyone around them would know what had happened. She couldn't bear the thought of everyone whispering about her behind her back.

A tear slipped down her cheek and it made her angry. She struggled to find her footing. She wanted to be better; she fought for it. But it wasn't easy.

Suddenly, she felt sick again. She wavered once more and the next thing she knew everything went black.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

"Where is she?" Mary asked, the moment she reached the downstairs. Mrs. Hughes had sent a maid upstairs to tell her that Anna had fainted.

"In my parlor," Mrs. Hughes said, waving her over. Mary ignored the other servants who were standing by the door, trying to get a look in. Thankfully, Mrs. Hughes handled it, "You best be back to work! This isn't a show for you!"

Anna was asleep on a cot on the floor. Mary bent down and brushed her fingers over Anna's cheek.

"She stirred for a moment. Thomas helped me set her up in here. He said she didn't bump her head or anything, only that she was exhausted. She'll need her sleep."

"We'll need to move her upstairs. She can stay in Matthew's study until she's well rested." Mrs. Hughes nodded in agreement.

"I…well, I thought she was doing better," Mrs. Hughes said, clutching her hand over her chest.

"She has been," Mary quietly replied. "But…" Mary paused. "Have you noticed anything about Anna lately?"

"In what way, m'lady?"

"Mrs. Hughes…do you think she might be…" Mary stopped once more. Why was this so difficult to say out loud?

She didn't have to say it, though, because Mrs. Hughes' eyes widened in understanding. She gasped and her hand went over her mouth.

"Oh no," she whispered. "I didn't even….but the sickness."

"Yes," Mary stated. "And I'm so worried about what this might to do her."

"What will we do if she's pregnant?" Mrs. Hughes finally said the words.

"I don't know."

Winter 1970

Mary rushed towards the sounds of Anna screaming. Her heart was racing in her chest. She found Anna in the bathroom with her robe clutched around her and her hand pointing at Maebh.

"Who are you!? Why are you here!?" Anna yelled. Her face was full of fear.

"I'm Maebh, Anna. I…."

"Go away!" Anna said, tightening her hand over her robe.

"What's going on?" Mary asked, looking between Anna and Maebh.

"I started preparing Anna for a bath and she forgot who I was," Maebh explained.

"Oh," Mary sighed. She stepped in front of Maebh and gave Anna a gentle smile. "Anna, it's alright, darling. It's only Maebh, Sybil's granddaughter." But Anna was still shaking. "I'll give her a bath," Mary told Maebh.

"Aunt Mary, I'm not sure…."

"I'll be alright, go and prepare her clothes for after the bath."

Maebh knew better than to argue with Mary. She left the two women alone in the bathroom.

"Here, now it's only me."

Anna dropped her hand and she glanced at the bathtub.

"Let's get you in the bath."

Even in her older age, Mary was able to help lower Anna into the water. She was still strong enough. The water tipped out of the edges and Mary wiped it up with a towel. Then she grabbed a cup and filled it with warm water. She ran it over Anna's chest.

"There, darling, isn't that better."

Anna slowly settled and rested her head against the side of the tub. She reached out and touched Mary's cheek.

"Yes," she murmured. "You make everything better."

To be continued...

More soon! Thank you so much for reading!