As always, thank you!


Chapter 22

1920s- London

A shaky breath left Mary's lips and she turned her wedding ring over and over her finger. It was what she did when she was in deep thought. In those moments, she tried to imagine what Matthew would say to her. Her eyes closed and she prayed that she was doing the right thing. Oh, how she wished Matthew was here.

Her head shook and she turned. It was nearly eleven and Anna was still asleep. She had been out for nearly sixteen hours by now. It had been a fitful sleep, but finally around five in the morning, she fell into a deeper sleep. Mary knew that Anna's body was wrecked with exhaustion from carrying the weight of everything. And she wanted to let her sleep however long she needed. Yet, they needed to start preparing to travel back to Downton. Their train left in just two hours.

Making her way toward Anna, she sat down on the edge of the mattress. Her finger tips brushed carefully over Anna's brow, as she pushed the matted hair off her skin. Anna stirred briefly and tucked her head further into the pillows.

"Anna, it's time to wake up. We need to eat and then leave for the station." Anna twisted her lips and glanced up at Mary. Her eyes opened more fully, before her hand came to rest on her stomach and a sound left her lips.

"It's real…" Anna whispered. Mary could only solemnly nod.

"It will be alright, Anna. I've come up with a plan," Mary assured her. She helped Anna sit up. Anna sat up against the headboard and looked at Mary with anticipation of how she planned on fixing this mess. "We're going to go on a holiday," Mary brightly told her.

"A holiday?" Anna's brows knitted. "I don't…"

"I've been wanting to take George away with the anniversary of Matthew's death coming up. We will take the boys and go to Paris for a while. We can rent a house and hire help. You'll have the baby there and then…"

"And then what?" Anna asked, her voice breaking.

"Well, we will figure it out," Mary said. "If you wanted to keep…"

"I can't…." Anna shook her head harshly, hot tears sliding down her cheeks. "I don't think... And I'd never be able to bring it back to Downton."

"No," Mary quietly agreed. "But we could find the baby a good family in Paris, a couple that is longing for a child."

Anna sat quietly for a moment, soaking it all in.

"Or you could send me away alone," Anna whispered.

"No," Mary strongly stated. "I will not let you do this alone. The children and I will come with you. We will make it a holiday."

Anna let out a disbelieving chuckle, "A holiday…"

Mary offered Anna a weak smile. "I know it isn't the best solution, but…"

"No," Anna said, meeting her eyes. "It is. It is the best option we have. Thank you. Then when we return, we can forget all of this happened. I just want to forget all of it."

Mary knew it wouldn't be that simple, so she only nodded. The next several months would not be easy.

Downton Abbey

Mary knew she was working on a small timeframe. It wasn't going to be much longer before Anna was going to start to show, so she needed to start planning their holiday. She'd made calls in search of a home to rent and began looking for a nanny. She decided to find someone who could also cook and clean, when needed. But they would not have a full staff like she was used to at Downton.

Today, she needed to tell her parents of the plan. They wouldn't be thrilled about her taking their grandson away for close to a year.

"To Paris!" Her father gasped. She had been right. Mary straightened her back and shifted herself on the settee.

"Yes," she simply stated.

"Oh, Mary, but George's first birthday will be in a few weeks. Certainly, you can wait until after his birthday."

"I can't," Mary disagreed. "His birthday is also the same as the anniversary of Matthew's death. I need to get away."

Both of her parents' faces fell slightly in understanding.

"How long will you be gone?" Her father then asked.

"I'm not sure, not exactly. We will be away for a while."

"Well, you should take Nanny with you," her mother suggested.

"No," Mary said, shaking her head. "Sybil is about to have her second child. You should keep Nanny here to help with Sybbie and the new baby. I will hire someone from Paris."

"And what about the estate?" Her mother questioned. Mary nodded. She had thought of that as well. There were many ins and outs that had to be planned for this trip to be successful.

"Tom will be my go between," Mary simply answered. "I've already spoken with him about it. He and Papa, I hope, will keep me updated with everything. I can make decisions from afar. When I return, it will all fall right back into place."

"Are you sure you must go?" She was questioned again by her father.

"I am." Neither parent argued anymore; she was grateful. It was all going to be hard enough.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Mrs. Hughes stood and listened as Anna told her of the plans Lady Mary had made. Anna told her in a monotone fashion, keeping her eyes to the corner of Mrs. Hughes' face. But Mrs. Hughes could read the distress all over Anna's features, despite how much she was trying to keep them hidden. Her hands were shaky and there were tears shinning in her eyes.

"We will find a couple who wants a child. After I have recovered from…it..., we will return as though nothing has happened," Anna explained. Mrs. Hughes frowned, concern filling her frame. But as Anna's eyes moved to hers, she forced herself to smile. She grabbed Anna's hands and gave them a caring squeeze.

"It's for the best," Mrs. Hughes whispered. Anna bit down on her lower lip, making her appear much younger than she really was. Before her stood a scared girl, who was about to have to go through another difficult moment in life.

"Yes," Anna breathed. "Then we can forget all of this."

Mrs. Hughes stepped forward, placing her hand lovingly on Anna's cheek.

"You can do this, Anna," Mrs. Hughes encouraged. "You're made of sterner stuff than most."

Anna moved backward, away from Mrs. Hughes' touch. Her breath came out in a quick shaky sigh.

"I ought to go and start preparing. Lady Mary says we will be leaving within the next couple of weeks. There is a lot I need to pack for the four of us."

Anna skirted out of the room quickly. It was how she got around recently, darting to and fro between spaces, hoping not to be noticed by anyone. But Mrs. Hughes always noticed. She always saw her, always recognized the sadness and hopelessness in her eyes.

That hopelessness hit Mrs. Hughes suddenly. Her hand came up, right as a sob passed through her lips. She slowly slid into her chair and inhaled sharply. With a handkerchief, she wiped below her eyes.

Anna was going away to have a baby, her baby. Then she would return without the child. Mrs. Hughes knew how much Anna loved and adored Johnny. She worried what this would do to Anna, to have to leave her child behind.

She sniffled, gathering herself. She also reminded herself that this was for the best. There were very little options in this scenario. Anna could not have this child here at the house and there was no way for her to keep the baby either. If she did, she'd end up like Ethel Parks. The thought made a shiver run up her spine. No, this was the only way. She was grateful for Lady Mary's care in all of this. At least Anna would not have to do this alone.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Mary glanced at all of the clothes that were sitting on her bed. In all of this, Mary told Anna that she would take care of the packing for both her and George. However, she had not understood the magnitude of such a job. Never before had she packed for herself, at least not for a long trip. Anna had always done it for her, taking suggestions from Mary about what she wanted packed.

Yet, Mary could not give Anna this task. Perhaps later she could request Mrs. Hughes' assistance, to make sure she wasn't forgetting anything. Mary twisted her lips, folding the dress in her hands. She did need to figure out how to do this on her own. When they reached Paris, they would have limited help. She was capable enough to do this.

Her door opened and she glanced up to see Anna with a piece of luggage in her hands.

"I found this in the attic," Anna murmured, glancing down.

"You shouldn't have gone up there. I could have sent someone else," Mary said, taking the luggage from Anna's hands. "I worry about you going up those stairs. You need to be careful."

"It would solve all my problems, though, wouldn't it?" Anna eerily stated.

"Anna!" Mary gasped.

"I best go grab Johnny's clothes from the nursery," Anna just answered, leaving the room almost as quickly as she came.

Mary pressed her hand to her chest, her heart was beating harshly. Every day, Anna slipped further and further away. She was not here, not really, when they were in the same room. The little progress they had made before the confirmed pregnancy, seemed to have disappeared. Anna was turning inside to herself. She barely spoke to Mary and kept her head down. Even when she spotted Anna in the nursery, she could see her withdrawn. The connection with Johnny was also fading. Mary wasn't sure how to keep from losing Anna.

That made a whimper leave Mary's lips. And before she knew it, she was sitting on the edge of her bed, unforgiving tears escaping her eyes. The weight she had been balancing so carefully shoulders finally grew too heavy. She couldn't do this. She couldn't lose her.

She curled forward, covering her face with her hands. This was all so difficult. She didn't know how much longer she could be strong.

The creak of her door opening made Mary stand and quickly wipe her cheeks with the back of her hands. She took in a shaky breath and was surprised to find Sybil standing in her doorway. Quickly, Sybil closed the door and rushed to Mary's side.

"Oh, Mary! What's happened?" Sybil asked. "Is it the anniversary of Matthew's death?"

Mary could only shake her head. She felt so defeated in this moment.

"It…it's Anna," she admitted, pressing her hands together tightly.

Sybil frowned. Then she led Mary to the bed so they could both sit down.

"I have noticed a change with her," Sybil told her sister. "I know you care about Anna. I understand that. I had it with Gwen." Sybil gave a soft smile. At that, Mary glanced up.

"You did?"

"Yes," Sybil lightly laughed. "She was like a sister to me. Anna is like a sister to you, too, right?"

"Right," Mary whispered.

"Will you tell me what this is all about? Does this have anything to do with your trip to Paris?"

Mary feebly nodded. "Yes. Oh Sybil…." And then Mary let everything out, all of the pain and sadness and secrets out. She knew within her heart that she could trust Sybil with this knowledge. And it felt good to say it to someone else, to be able to trust someone with this dark secret that had plagued her for months.

When she was finished, Sybil sat before her with tears in her eyes.

"You are a good friend, Mary," Sybil started. "I can't imagine. Poor Anna," Sybil's brows furrowed, as the heaviness sat on her. "This will be hard."

"I'm worried about her, Sybil. I worry…" Mary paused.

"She has you, Mary," Sybil said. "And don't worry, I won't tell anyone what you've told me, not even Tom."

Mary nodded, thankful for her baby sister. It did help to unload some of this weight onto someone else, and to have another person who would know the truth when they returned from Paris.

Sybil wrapped her arms around Mary and gave her a tight hug.

"Please ring, whenever you need to talk. I will be here."

Winter 1970

Mary smiled as she and Anna walked around the ornament shop. Every year for Christmas, she and Anna picked out special ornament for each of the children and grandchildren. It was always something that reminded them of each child.

Maebh had brought them, but was at the shop next door, telling them she would be nearby.

"What about this for Johnny and George?" Anna asked. Mary walked over to her and glanced at the odd ornament in Anna's hand. She gently took it from her and turned her head slightly to the side.

"Anna, this is a croissant," Mary said.

"I know," Anna simply stated. "Don't you remember when we were in France? George took his first steps at the bakery around the corner where we got fresh croissants every day for a month. Both boys couldn't get enough of them. It was their favorite food."

"Oh, I had forgotten that," Mary replied. These were the moments where Mary would be reminded just how strong Anna's memory was of their past. She often remembered much more than Mary did. So it made little sense to Mary that her memory could be so weak now. It didn't seem fair.

"Yes, get them those. I like that," Mary smiled. They continued to search. This was always a long process, as they wanted each gift to hold a special meaning. They found a stack of books for their little bookworm, Violet, and a bowling pin for Robby.

Their oldest granddaughter was the toughest to buy for. She was the quietest of all the children, but also smart and kind. Finally, they settled on a butterfly, which reminded them of a time one landed perfectly on the child's nose. Neither had seen anything like it before.

"Christmas is my favorite time of year with the children," Anna said, smiling brightly.

"Mine too, darling." She tried not to think of how this could be their last Christmas together. But either way, she was surely to make it special for Anna.

To be continued...