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Chapter 23

Winter 1970

"Oh Linda!" Mary happily welcomed Jack's wife into the library. Jack stood beside her and Mary bent over to give him a hug. "I didn't know you were bringing Linda for today's meeting."

"I wanted to see you both," Linda just replied with a smile. Mary smiled in return. She really loved Linda. She was a sweet woman who loved Jack. He was the first of their grandchildren to marry and was now the first to have their greatgrandchild. Mary leaned forward and then paused.

"May I?" She asked, her hand just a few mere centimeters over Linda's growing belly.

"Of course."

Mary placed her hand over the bump.

"A great grandchild," Mary breathed, pleased. "Anna, darling!" Mary called behind her. Anna had been looking on the shelves in the library, distracting when they all came in. But at the sound of Mary's voice, she turned.

"John!" She happily said. Mary's face fell slightly.

"Come on, darling," she still encouraged. "It's Jack and Linda. Come and feel the baby."

Anna made her way to them and then smiled, nodding.

"Jack," she greeted, remembering that he was her grandson.

"Gran," he kissed her cheek. Then Linda also said her hellos.

"Here," Mary took Anna's hand within her own. She brought it over to Linda's stomach, right as their hands touched it they felt the baby kick.

"Oh my!" Anna happily reacted. "He kicked!"

"Or she," Mary reminded. "What does your intuition tell you it is?" She questioned Linda.

"I also think it is a girl," she smiled.

"The Bateses have only had boys for many generations," Anna then said. "A girl would be a fun change, but another boy would also be exciting."

"Yes, we will be happy either way," Jack agreed.

"Us too."

1920s Paris

They had been in Paris for two weeks now. When they arrived, Anna had felt some of the weight fall off of her shoulders. Here she didn't have to hide the truth from a huge house of people. While they were in Paris, she and Mary were known as sisters who had come to take their children on a holiday. It didn't make everything fade away. She still was terrified of what was to come and the nightmares still plagued her, but she did feel some peace being somewhere that no one knew who she was.

In the home, they only had one person as their helper. She worked six days a week, assisting with the children and doing some of the cleaning and cooking. The girl, Brigitte, was younger, only sixteen. But she was good with the children and helpful when it was needed.

Anna glanced out the window. Then she glanced at the clock next to her and Mary's shared bed. It was getting close to lunchtime. Mary only knew how to make eggs and sandwiches, so she would need to get to the kitchen to make their meal. Brigitte was only in charge of dinners a few nights a week. She and Mary had to take care of most of the chores and meals.

Anna rather liked it this way. It was how she had grown up. But for Mary, it was an adjustment. Mary never complained, however, she had suggested hiring more help.

Making her way into the kitchen, she was surprised to find Mary staring at a book with a pile of flour and eggs in front of her. Anna could see that an attempt had already been made to make something, but that the concoction had been thrown into the bin.

"What's this?" Anna questioned, turning her head slightly. Mary stood, placing the book on the table.

"I was going to make lunch," she explained. "However, I can't seem to get the dough to rise."

Anna walked over toward Mary, so she could look over her shoulder to look in the book. As she breathed out, she felt Mary shiver in front of her. Her heart began to race. Feelings came out that had been hiding beneath the fear and shame since the attack. It made her breaths quicken and she had to take a moment to figure out how she wanted to react. Lately, her reactions were always protective and filled with fright. However, she reminded herself that there was nothing frightening about Mary. She stepped a bit closer, bringing her arm around to gently take the cookbook from Mary's hand. Mary's hand brushed against hers and she glanced up and smiled.

"Ah," Anna stated, reading over the recipe. "Did you add the yeast?"

"Yeast?" Mary shook her head. "Does it need it?"

That made Anna laugh. The laugh bubbled up her throat and escaped in a high pitch squeal of delight.

"What?" But Mary was grinning brightly. "Why are you laughing at me, Anna?"

Anna's head shook and she continued to giggle. "It's only….you are helpless when it comes to cooking and baking."

Mary gave a pretend hurtful look, before bringing her hand up to Anna's shoulder.

"I missed your smile, the real one, and your laugh, Anna."

Anna could only nod.

"I have too."

There was something there that had been missing for quite some while now. Anna felt herself lean forward, but before her lips could reach Mary's, she felt the undeniable kick against her. The smile fell from her lips and she stepped back. That was the first time she had felt the baby move and been sure it was the baby. The other times she had been able to play off the movement as gas or something else, but there was no excuse now. The baby was very real. Reality came crushing back and she quickly turned away from Mary.

"Anna? What's happened?" She could hear the disappointment in Mary's voice. Anna hated herself; she hated for not being strong enough. Mary was doing all of this for her and she couldn't get Green's voice out of her head. His child was now growing in her belly. How was she supposed to move forward from this?

"It's nothing," Anna lied. She glanced at Mary and tried to smile, but Mary wasn't stupid. She could note the change in Anna's demeanor.

"Anna…"

She took in a shaky breath. "Why don't we take the children to the bakery for lunch? We could ask Brigitte to clean up this mess and tell her we'll bring her something back."

"Yes, that sounds nice."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Mary enjoyed the walks they made around the small town right outside of the city. Here, it wasn't as loud or crowded. There was a nice park where she and Anna could take the children. Sometimes, even she could forget what was to come.

But there was hope now. Over the past few weeks, Anna had smiled more, real smiles that went all the way to her eyes. She would speak with Mary about things that were on her mind, well almost everything. She never would talk about the baby. Mary was certain the baby had begun to kick. Every so often, Anna would stop in the middle of a sentence and her face would pale. It was these moments Mary wished Anna would let her in. She wanted to be there for her, help her with whatever these movements were making her feel. Mary was sure it was worry of the birth and what came afterwards. She didn't know how Anna really would feel once she had to hand the baby over to another couple.

"Mama!" George called out, stumbling over his feet in front of him. But his eyes were on Anna and his hands were toward her.

"Oh darling," Mary said, scooping George up into her arms. "That's your Aunt Anna, darling, I'm your mummy." George only giggled, pressing his sloppy lips against Mary's cheek. Anna tickled his belly and made him laugh some more. This made Johnny jealous, who began tugging on Anna's dress.

"She's my mama!" He declared.

"Yes, I am your mama," Anna agreed, patting his head. Johnny brought his hand up to her belly and Mary watched as Anna's eyes lost their light.

"And baby's mama!"

"I…I…." Anna stumbled over her words.

"Hey," Mary bent down to Johnny's level, carefully removing his hand from Anna's belly, while still balancing George on her hip. "Why don't we go and look at the ducks?"

That made Johnny eagerly nod. She took Johnny's hand and walked the two boys over to the pond. As they reached where the ducks were, Mary glanced back to see Anna's eyes full of tears.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

That night, Mary put lotion on her arms, as she watched Anna laying on her side in the bed. Since the moment Johnny mentioned the baby, Anna had become sullen. She tried to hide it, but it was there.

With a sigh, Mary placed the lotion back onto the vanity. She then laid down next to Anna and wrapped her arms around her, placing her cheek against hers.

"You know, we could try to come up with a way for you to keep the baby," Mary whispered. "We could stay here, not return to Downton. Or….I know we could figure this out, Anna. We have time."

"No," Anna murmured. "You have to return to Downton, Mary. And….I don't want it."

"Anna, I know the baby has started kicking. I can see the heartbreak on your face. If you…."

"I don't want it," Anna more strongly stated, moving away from Mary's embrace. She tugged the covers up and over her shoulders, hiding herself away.

"Alright," Mary said. She sat up so that she could see Anna's face. As Anna's belly grew, Mary could feel the worry growing more and more in her chest. Mary didn't like when she couldn't make everything better. She liked to fix things.

Slowly Anna turned, she met Mary's eyes. Her hand snuck out from under the covers and she grasped at Mary's hand. There was a second where Mary was sure Anna was finally going to be vulnerable with her about the baby, but instead Anna just sighed.

"We….should probably start searching for a couple who wants a baby. While we still have a while to go, it will happen quickly. We don't want to forget why we are here."

Mary's lips curled downward, "No, I guess you're right."

Anna tugged against Mary's hand then, silently requesting her to lay back down with her. Mary obliged. Her heart felt conflicted, but also full. Again her arms curled around Anna. Anna contently sighed, pressing back against Mary's frame. Mary's hands rested right above Anna's belly and for the first time she felt the kick against her hand. Anna tensed slightly, but didn't say anything. Mary only fanned out her fingers so she could get a better feel of the baby's movements. She felt as Anna's hand came over hers.

"Sometimes, I pretend she is ours," Anna whispered. That made Mary's breath catch within her throat. It was said so quietly that Mary was almost certain she had imagined it. She glanced at Anna, but her eyes were already closed. Mary wanted to say something, but instead she closed her eyes and tried to steady her racing heart.

To be continued...