Ystv: Many thanks go to the fabulous ML8991 who offered to beta this story three years ago and has since been moved up to co-author. We're still enjoying working on it very much.
Also, Trigger warnings for various things from here on out.
ML8991: It has been amazing to see the surge of support from updating the posting over on AO3, and to all previous followers thank you for sticking with us. Chapter 12 (for those playing the long game over on ) is nearly done (sorry on my end for how long it is taking, it is going to be a heavy chapter and is the marking of big character moments for our boy Zuko. For those of you just joining on AO3, welcome, sit back and enjoy the ride, there is much more to come.
Zuko had not slept well. In fact, it felt like he hadn't slept much at all. The long hours of being shackled to the arch in the empty market square did not promote sleeping through the night. It was a continuous cycle of falling asleep and being roused awake, but he knew that he had slept more than he thought, as he could track the time somewhat with the changing of the moon's position. More than ever, he wished to be safely at home. However, being considered a traitor of his nation and a fugitive, he knew that dream was out of reach more than ever before.
His body had grown quite numb to the cold. He shivered even so. Only when the wind caressed his bare skin, he could feel the increasingly frigid temperature. He drew in another deep breath, on the cusp of tears. Angry at himself for being weak, he forced them back again.
He wondered if they'd let him down this morning or if he'd be hanging on these chains until evening came again. He looked up and saw that the sun was barely over the edge of the horizon and the streets before him were abandoned, something he appreciated. He couldn't help to hope, but at the same dread, to be let down from the chains for a few minutes. His body hurt all over, especially the wrists, and hanging from these chains was exhausting. He longed to just lay down, even though he knew from experience that moving his arms, especially after such a long time of having them up, would send pain through his body far worse than the whip.
Also, those few minutes of not being shackled to the arch gave him a vague idea of how weak he was getting. It was something he had feared, as he still hadn't come up with any other ideas to get out of his predicament. He knew, he shouldn't give up hope.
He hadn't!
But it was getting difficult to hold onto such ideals, it was hard enough trying to hold his bladder when he knew they might not even let him down in the evening… He didn't dare to think of the Avatar's physical closeness, either. He hadn't been prepared to meet them here. He hadn't thought of meeting anyone here, but he hadn't thought the situation could get much worse, yet it always seemed to do just that… And now he was acutely aware of the possibility that Azula could show up, and he sincerely hoped the Avatar wouldn't lead her here. He sincerely hoped the Avatar and his group wouldn't show up on the market square again, either for that matter.
To be seen like this, by the person he'd hunted for the past year, by people he knew. It would be utterly humiliating. Why couldn't it just be Uncle? He would be able to get him out somehow, Zuko was sure of it. Uncle always seemed to have a trick up his sleeve.
So he hung there, shackles digging painfully into his wrists, glaring at the sun rays that would surely make his day hell; his source of power, failing to help him once again. At some point he screamed out his frustrations, regretting the action just a moment later… He hadn't been able to think ahead lately. He hadn't considered how sore and sandpaper dry his throat was. And honestly, he was surprised that he still had tears, his eyes burned, irritated by dust and too much sun, if not the never ending dryness as well. After all, he couldn't even rub them, he could do exactly nothing about anything. He could only be there and observe. Willingly or not. And so he would listen to the birds waking up and singing their songs while the sun slowly made its way above the horizon.
The guard came when the first couple of the market stalls were already there, and more still being set up. The square was slowly filling with activity. The guard was alone, without backup, so Zuko knew he wouldn't be let down. He was almost mad at himself for hoping and keeping his bladder's contents in, he'd hoped to get a round of bathroom time without having to involve his only piece of clothing. By now, he didn't care so much about having to expose himself to take a leak anymore, it was still better than having to wet his pants. Zuko looked up to see which guard was tending to him. Not one of the nicest, but none of the worst either. Yeah, positive thinking…
Zuko had expected the hit, but nonetheless it left him wheezing: trying to curl into himself, but unable to. He couldn't hold it in anymore either and so when he finally managed to get up to stand on his feet again, his trousers were soiled once more. The guard was holding out the bowl for him to drink from, obviously amused at his discomfort. Zuko drank, ignoring the guard as much as he could. The guard left with a painful shove to his chest.
By the time his trousers were somewhat dry again, the market square was full of life. His legs had been asleep for some time now and when he tried to get standing, he had a hard time keeping still to let it pass. Some of the passers-by thought it funny, but Zuko didn't care anymore.. A bunch of kids had gathered around him and were talking about him among themselves. Zuko was annoyed. He knew some of them already, after having been forced to stand here for weeks. Tiredly, he tried to ignore them, but they started throwing dirt again. None of the adults around were paying attention, or if they did, they just didn't care. Zuko tried to keep his face somewhat safe. It was pretty futile.
The kids approached now. One was holding a feather in his hand. The intention was clear.
Zuko fought, realizing he was being attacked by some kids with something as harmless as a feather, and he couldn't even defend himself from that. He felt utterly helpless as he thrashed away from the tickling tip of the feather and tried to kick the offending kids. Kids could be so cruel, he thought breathlessly. He heard some adults finally taking action. Even if it was to get their children away from the 'evil' fire bender, for a moment he was glad. He felt exposed. It was easier to let memories take him to different places again.
The children from the South Pole came to his mind. Would he have attacked them to get to the Avatar? He'd picked up an elderly woman, in hindsight probably an authority figure by the looks of her. He wouldn't actually have done anything to her, but it worked out in the end anyways. Why was he questioning this now? Ugh, this situation was so frustrating, his thoughts just drifted off on their own, between spurts of pain and harassment, and an end wasn't in sight at all. He angrily kicked into the dust, threw himself off balance and felt the chains yank hard on his wrists. Great… Just great.
00000
Katara woke up quite late, and yet she was still the first one to rise. After checking up on Aang and his injuries, mainly his chest, as it was more delicate than his sprained foot, she went to make some breakfast. Katara hoped Aang would be ok. Azula really had done a number on him.
In the end, by mid morning, the four still weary teenagers were sitting at their shared room's singular wooden table and were slurping down some oatmeal. They didn't care what the time was, they only wanted to have some quiet and peace after these stressful days. Someone had to get out and tend to Appa though, so it was decided that Sokka and Katara would go to do that while Toph would stay with Aang.
They were talking on and off, one time Toph was telling Aang more about the Earth Rumble tournaments, then Aang told her a bit about growing up with the Air Nomads. He didn't have all that much energy to talk to though, the weight of the Princess's prowess dampening his typical enthusiasm, so they spent quite a while just laying around staring at the ceiling. Momo was resting next to Aang's head. Toph was toying around with some shiny rock, trying to form it into different shapes. She found it a nice challenge and a good activity to pass the time. Furthermore, the group found that if well done, it could be sold quite well as artwork, too. Two hours later, Sokka and Katara returned. After a late lunch and another healing session for Aang, they all decided that a nap wouldn't be a bad idea, and before long, it was evening. Toph grabbed a handful of dried fruit and shoved it into her pockets.
Toph had told them she'd be out for a bit. Seeing as she hadn't been able to go outside all day, she was restless. At least that was her argument to leave. In truth, she was simply curious. She hadn't managed to find a place to fight, but had found another interesting challenge. And so she soon found herself at the edge of the market square, where she felt him being harassed once more. The market was almost empty, the last merchants were putting their stuff away to leave.
Toph felt the young man pant heavily. Some men were standing around him. She went closer to hear them taunting him.
"…is your fire now, brat? Not so glorious, are we, hmm?"
"Dear daddy banished you, then announced you a traitor! And now, look at yourself, you're all weak. At our mercy..."
Laughing. She could make out a painful moan from the boy, too, though. Trying to decipher her what was happening through earth-bending, she felt him being choked by some stone collar. It wasn't terribly crushing yet, but enough so she could clearly feel his pulse and breathing. The pulse that pounded against the stone made the boy's panic evident. Soon, she had figured out who was controlling it. He was decent, so Toph decided she'd mess with him. Sneakily, she began influencing the collar herself, making it brittle. The man stopped earthbending irritably and she let the collar crumble before his eyes. She felt the boy pant as the stone's tight grip broke, giving him room to breathe.
"What did you do?!" He strode towards the boy and grabbed him by the hair. Another pained noise.
"Nothing!"
00000
Zuko spat the word out bitterly. The man half pushed, half ripped his head down, causing his dangling frame to move painfully.
"Liar!"
He felt the back of the earthbenders hand hit his cheek hard. He shed away.
"You Fire Nation are all alike. Oh, don't act like that brat, you deserve it. Because of you, our sons and daughters die. It's all your fault. And you are going to pay."
"I didn't kill them!" Zuko's voice was rough as he protested.
"What was that, boy? You didn't, nooo, you are absolutely innocent, aren't you!" The man's voice dripped with sarcasm. "You know what, I hate liars."
Another punch to the solar plexus sent Zuko wheezing and snapping for air. It didn't stop him from trying to speak though:
"And… I… hate… being...judged… for things… others did!"
"Ah really now? You know what, you are lucky we didn't burn you alive yet. That would be a nice comeback, wouldn't it? It's how our people die, after all! You should get a taste of your own medicine. Ya know!"
Suddenly the man fell backwards, off balance. He seemed to not be able to regain balance for several steps. It was highly unusual for an earthbender, Zuko knew that. When the man before him drew to a stop, his face took on an unbelieving, shocked expression. Then they were scrambling to their feet in a hurry.
"The Blind Bandit"
"...she's mad." Fear laced that voice as they ran away. Zuko felt a shock-wave going through the ground below his feet and turned his head to look over his shoulder.
"You again!" he snarled.
"Yeah, me."
"What do you want?" He had turned back to the front and waited for her to walk around.
"From what?…"
"Urrgh,… you know what I mean!" Zuko threw his head down in frustration, then glared at her angrily.
"Hmmm. Maybe I'm trying to decide if you are worth saving?"
"Get lost!"
"I doubt it."
"I don't need you to save me… and I don't want your pity." He pulled on his wrists angrily, a painful jolt of pins and needles shot through his numb hands.
"You still don't have it… just like your fire." She set herself on the ground, somehow making the hard earth look comfortable.
"Oh yeah?… Maybe I'll let you feel it up close if you don't leave."
"You're bluffing." She deadpanned.
Zuko's eyes grew wide, he felt something inside of him slump.
He tried calling his inner fire, failing to bring the little flame outwards, his despair smothering it even more… "I'm not… I'm not…" he whispered desperately, as he felt himself being sucked into the abyss of hopelessness.
A bolt of fear suddenly ran through him as he felt a hand touch his chest. Screaming, he tried drawing back, only to stumble and dangle on his wrists once more.
"Don't… touch… me!" he said between gasps for air.
"Calm down! Calm down… You seemed gone for a minute, you didn't hear me." Toph wondered why a simple, gentle touch had set him off like that, it wasn't normal, and otherwise, the boy gave off the impression of being a fighter. This wasn't what a fighter should be like.
"You know…. There is a difference between pity and empathy!"
"Leave me alone!" Zuko repressed tears. He felt so weak, he didn't want to deal with this girl.
"Not yet, no." After that she shut up though, calmly sitting in front of him.
He breathed in deeply. The marketplace had emptied of people, they were pretty much alone by now. Zuko enjoyed the quiet. He held his dry, burning eyes closed and while leaning against his arms, exhausted from his emotional outbreak. He let a single tear roll down from his bad eye. The tissue surrounding the tear duct was swollen shut, as so often was the case. Annoyed, he tried getting up to his feet again, but failed as he slipped on the loose rubble beneath his aching feet. The energy burst his panic had given him slowly faded away and he felt terrible.
He took a deep breath and let out a dry cough. When would they come to give him water? Ugh, he so hated to have to rely on someone else, especially for these, mundane, things. He glared at the girl in front of him. It had gotten quite dark, only the street lamps were giving off light from afar. The girl was cast in shadows, her back was towards the light.
"Why are you still here?"
"Wouldn't you like to know, Sparky?"
"You're annoying."
She giggled quietly, surprising Zuko by how young it sounded, and once more, silence settled over the market place. Zuko would never have admitted it, but her presence was comforting. He had no idea how he got the energy to be angry at that.
"I hate you!"
"That's fine. I'm Toph by the way, and I think your food is coming."
Zuko looked up at that. True, two guards were making their way over here. A noise to his feet made him look to the ground. He saw earth sweep up the mess that had collected to his feet. It actually even nudged him to lift his feet at some point. He stared at Toph, who seemed to be innocently playing with some earth on the ground. The two guards stopped in front of the platform.
"Girl, what are you doing here?"
"Annoying Sparky?" Toph grinned.
"Uhm, fine, just don't get in the way..." The guards said awkwardly.
They moved up to Zuko and one jammed the key into one shackle. Zuko quietly screamed when his arm moved down and the other wrist, still stuck, had to take the full weight. Soon, he tumbled to the ground and stayed there, lying still, panting. He curled up in pain as his numb arms awoke, tears running over his face.
"Huh? The ground's clean?" The guards were visibly confused.
"I didn't want to sit in that mess." Toph spoke up again.
"Come on, up boy!" Zuko was nudged in the side by the guard, but he just curled up more, trying to turn away.
"Don't make me pull you up."
Zuko mumbled something, whimpering quietly. He slowly turned over to get his arms below him, so he could push himself up. His foot shackles rattled as he got into a kneeling position. Toph heard him breathing through his teeth to manage the pain, then she felt him push. He crashed down with a pained grunt just a moment later. He breathed harshly, laying still for a moment, before trying it again and failing.
"Oh, come on, you smell disgusting, I don't want to touch you."
"Cut him some slack, he can barely move at the moment. Just give him some time." Toph intervened.
The guard took in the little blind girl. The posh, snooty way she conducted herself, completely at ease and expecting her word to be taken seriously, screamed of high class. "Oh well, fine." He took a step back, as if careful to not offend the bizarre girl, and leaned against the arch, joining his equally confused partner.
Zuko slumped down again, not moving for a whole while. She felt him shake and wondered if he was crying or just exhausted. The guards talked to themselves quietly, ignoring them. They only turned back to them when Zuko moved again, He was sitting up finally.
"I'm ready" His voice was hoarse and cracked. One guard came over, Zuko staggered to his feet, he knew the trip to his "bathroom" which simply was the sewer he had to dump all other waste in. He didn't care.
When he was back at the arch, he slid down the stone structure and leaned against it, eyes closed. The guard threw two thick slices of bread into his lap. He opened his eyes and moved his hands sluggishly to grab one and bring it to his mouth. He chewed surprisingly slowly, ignoring everything else around him. He coughed, the sound dry and rough. When the coughing stopped, he slumped forward, resting his head on his knees.
"Hey Guards, how about some water? I don't think he'll get it down otherwise."
"No" The second guard spoke up.
"Why not? we gotta give him water anyway, gotta keep him alive."The first guard replied as he got the bowl and went to the well, starting to fill it. Zuko hadn't paid attention, just restarted eating when he felt like he could. The guard came back and held out the bowl to the boy. He looked up, only reacting after a long moment.
"Don't drink it all, you should clean your wrists a bit." Toph murmured.
He didn't react, just lifting the bowl to his lips again.
"They'll get infected."
Zuko released a bitter laugh. "Already happened, now leave."
The second guard spoke up. "He doesn't seem to like your kindness, miss, why waste it on him?"
"Gets a rise out of him. It's fun. Hey Sparks, giving up?" Zuko winced, he glared at her.
"Shut up."
She created a bowl with earthbending and filled it with the handful of dried fruit she had taken, then pushed it to his side quickly
"You are!"
"I'm not…" Toph cut him off.
"Then why aren't you eating?" She pointed to the bowl. She knew he was trapped, he would have to eat it, even if it was from her, because she had challenged him. The boy glared at her again, he knew what she'd done. She just shrugged and nodded towards the guards. They hadn't realized she had snuck food to him.
Finally, he leaned back, he had requested another bowl of water, which he had gotten, now he was just resting his head on his knees. After a few minutes, the guards decided he'd been down long enough. Surprisingly enough, he didn't fight them when they reattached the shackles, he even held up his arms for them. The guard's left soon after.
"Why?" Zuko asked.
"Why what?"
"What are you trying to achieve? Is this all just a cruel way to get back at me? Or is it just too boring with the Avatar's group? Am I a distraction? And don't play games with me..." He carefully had watched her, seeing her freeze when he mentioned the Avatar... So he had been right recognizing that boy's voice. He knew he had caught her off guard, it satisfied him.
"How did you find out?"
"Vocal recognition, they called you yesterday… Toph"
Zuko finally felt a bit in control for once. His voice still was hoarse and shaky, but one heard the difference in confidence. It had been in his mind the whole day, and now he had seen her earthbend. She was obviously another prodigy. And another overconfident one, just like Azula.
"I hate you!…"
Now it was Toph's turn to stare, this confession of hatred was different than the one before, this one was filled with frustration and bitterness. He moved and the chain's on his feet rattled.
"Keep away from me… Toph" He said her name dangerously calm, each word a warning, as smooth as summer honey, but as sharp and bitter as cold steel. Toph had been stunned to silence. She stayed where she was though. She didn't leave like he hoped she would. He knew, his position wasn't exactly intimidating, but it irked him even so. He didn't want anything to do with the Avatar's friends. They were annoying, dreaming the big dream of peace that would never exist between the nations. And they just didn't take a hint.
Toph thought herself hard to catch off guard, so it surprised her that he did, and she didn't know what that boy meant and why he acted like he did. Why would he hate her like that? And how did he know Sokka's voice? She understood his reactions about everything related to being confined, even though her case had been entirely different, but it didn't explain the hatred. This animosity went deeper.
"Do you by chance have a ponytail?"
The question caught Zuko off guard.
"No I don't…my hair is short" he hissed angrily.
So that's how it was: She'd just ignore what he'd said and move on as if nothing had happened. "You haven't answered my question! What are you trying to achieve?"
"Ugh, I don't know, really. Maybe I do things because I want to?"
"Really? Why would you do that except out of pity? I told you, I don't want it." his voice was full of distrust and accusation.
"And I told you: There is a difference between pity and empathy." Toph insisted cockily.
"Like you could relate to me, to this!"
"I can relate to being confined, to not being recognized for who I am. People just see my blind eyes, and think they know what I can and can't do. They think they know me, and they're not willing to look past that. Now Sparky, who are you? Yourself or your country? And which do you want to be recognized as?" Zuko stared at her, bewildered at her admission, did she really not know who exactly he was?
"Like it would make a difference what I want. It's in people's nature to judge and condemn."
"Yeah, I know… but who do you want to decide about your life and who you are?" Zuko was quiet for a moment, then he said jadedly:
"You sound awfully wise for your age."
"Are you saying I can't be? Are you judging me?…" she laughed, "Anyway, I need to go now, would you like some more water before I leave?"
Edit 20.08.20: Just went through this chapter in an attempt to fix some things and improve the wording. I hope that it improves the reading experience overall. Reviews still are welcome, even on older chapters, if anyone is willing to tell us about it :) Take care!
