"Max Payne and the Holy Grail"
Part 3
By Joseph "Maniac" Cirillo III
Writer: When last we left Max he had just brought down the French Mafia and was still no closer to finding the Grail.
Max: I'm still no closer to finding the Grail.
Writer: I just said that.
Max: You just said that.
Writer: Shut up you idiot and find the Grail.
Max: Shut up the idiot and find the Grail.
Writer: Err…right.
Max: Well I'm going to keep searching, but now I'm going to need some help, and I know just who to call.
Max pulls out a flashlight and with a marker wrote the symbol of the Soviet Union on the lens. Then he flashed it on the sky and waited about five seconds for the limo to arrive. A familiar face popped his head out of the window.
Vladimir: (in a Russian accent) Max, get in!
Max got in Vlad's limo and relaxed for a few seconds.
Vlad: Want a smoke?
Max: Sorry, I'll have a smoke when I'm done killing.
Vlad: Max, I for sure thought you'd get the death penalty. How'd you get out?
Max: Some idiot left a key in front of my cell, then God told me I had to find the Holy Grail.
Vlad: (Lights up) You sure you're not on the V again?
Max: Don't think so.
Vlad: Oh before I go any further I'd like to introduce you to my non-union Mexican equivalent, Didi.
Max looked to Vlad's left and saw a skinny white guy.
Max: Nice to meet you Didi.
Didi: (Australian accent) G'day mate.
Max: I thought you said he was Mexican.
Vlad: That's what he told me, I didn't believe him but he works for marijuana.
Max: Cheap.
Vlad: So why did you call me Mr. Payne?
Max: I need your help finding the Holy Grail. All my leads are dust, and I must've ridden this entire city both length and breadth.
Vlad: What? Ridden on a horse?
Max: What?
Vlad: You're using coconuts!
Max suddenly looks and sees he has two empty sides of coconuts and was banging them together the whole time. He quickly tossed the coconuts out of the window.
Max: So will you help me?
Vlad: Da. I just feel I should tell you, I'm going against my religion here.
Max: Don't worry about it.
Vlad: We drink. (Holds up shots of vodka, hands one to Max and Didi)
Max: Das adrusie.
Vlad: You need to learn Russian drinking lines.
They take a drink.
Max: So do you have a lead on where we can find the Grail?
Vlad: Da, I do.
(Pause)
Max: You wouldn't mind sharing that information would you?
Vlad: Oops, right. Sure, I know where the Grail is. It's in the house of the new mob boss that took over after Punchinello. He thinks it is a promotional item for some videogame.
Max: Bene.
To be continued…
