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Chapter 40

1920s Downton Abbey

"Pippa still wishes to carry around that little basket with the dead flowers in it," Mary chuckled, sliding herself next to Anna on the bed. Anna was half asleep. The days had been long for her lately and Mary tried to quiet herself to let Anna sleep. But Anna's lips curled up and she tugged Mary closer to her.

"She loved being the flower girl," Anna whispered.

"She did," Mary agreed. Her lips kissed the curve of Anna's jaw. She felt like she might burst from the want of needing Anna, but she sat herself back. Anna was already snoring. Mary just smiled, shaking her head. There would be time for that later.

Instead, her mind went to Pippa in the wedding. The little girl was very careful about following the directions given to her. She dropped exactly two flowers every step, taking her sweet time to go down the aisle. Everyone, even Edith, had beamed at her. Pippa had really felt like she was the star of the show.

Mary couldn't quite sleep. So she quietly opened her door and padded her way down toward the nursery. It was late and she knew the children would be asleep. When she entered, she saw that Edith was standing over Marigold's bed, staring down at her. Mary just gave her a nod and then walked over to where the other three children were sleeping. Her fingers touched George's cheek and he turned, but thankfully remained asleep. Pippa still had the basket in her hands and Johnny was half off the bed.

Mary went toward him and gently eased him into the center of his mattress, before pulling the covers up and over his shoulders. She nearly bent over to kiss his cheek, but then remembered that Edith was in the room. Instead, she patted his back and stood.

"You are very kind to a maid's child," Edith observed. There was no nastiness in her tone, just curiosity.

Mary realized she could respond in many different ways. She could bristle at Edith's comment or try to explain it away. Instead, she ran the tips over her fingers over Johnny's brow. The brow that was his father's brow. As Johnny got older, Mary had begun to recognize more of Bates in his features.

"I care for him," Mary simply answered. "I've known him his whole life. I was in the room when he was born." The thought made her smile and her eyes went to both George and Pippa. She had been there when all three were born, just like Anna had.

"Right," Edith quietly replied.

The two stood there in silence for a moment, before Mary decided it was best she head back to her bed. She paused at the door and turned to her sister.

"Good night, Edith. I do hope you sleep well."

"Good night," Edith said, her brow rising slightly, no doubt curious to her sister's kindness.

Mary made her way back to the bedroom. Anna was still in a deep sleep. Her hands were tucked right under her cheek and the softest snore left her lips. Mary realized it was Anna who had softened her, much like once upon a time, Matthew had done the same. The two loves of her life had the best ways of bringing out the best within her. The thought made her grin.

She then climbed back into the bed and hugged her arms around Anna. Holding her until she drifted right off to sleep.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Mary had been surprised when Henry Talbot showed up at her home for supper. The two had talked all evening. There was something about him that she felt drawn to. He was easy to speak with and she found she enjoyed it. Though she did worry that she was giving him the wrong idea. She had no romantic feelings towards him, just friendship ones. Mary really did not have many friends. She had Anna, but Anna was not her friend. Anna was her everything.

"Do you ever make it up to London?" Henry questioned Mary.

"Sometimes," she honestly answered.

"Would you think it terribly common if I gave you my card?"

Mary glanced up at him, a soft smile upon her lips. "Fairly common, but I'll take it anyway."

"Telephone me," he said, as he placed the card in her hand. "We'll have lunch or a drink… or something."

Mary flipped the card over in her hand and then her watched as Henry stepped away. Her eyes darted over toward Anna, who was standing and waiting. Anna either had not noticed the exchange or was pretending not to, because she stood still, facing forward. She hoped Anna knew that this meant nothing, at least, not in a way that she should be concerned.

"Do you know I couldn't be less interested in cars if I took a pill to achieve it," Mary then told Talbot, walking toward him as he received his coat.

"Well, that's because you haven't been taught about them…properly," Henry went on to explain. Mary thought about how he and Tom would likely get along. Tom and Sybil hadn't made it to supper tonight. It seemed they drew further and further away from these traditions after each of their daughters were born. Tom still assisted Mary with the estate planning, but otherwise he and Sybil lived their own little life on the property. They did attend family dinners and spend time with all of them. But they had little interest in everything else.

In many ways, Mary was jealous. She wished she could remain near her family and see them, but have her own little spot where it was just her and Anna. But Mary knew that couldn't happen. Her family may have accepted Tom after much dismay. They would never accept Anna.

Mary gave Henry a smile and then bid him farewell.

As she walked past her mama, she saw that look in her mother's eyes. It was a gleam of hope. Mary sighed. This was what she feared. Her parents were dying to marry her off. It didn't matter how many times she insisted she had no plans of marrying again, her parents still prayed she would one day change her mind.

Mary made her way up the stairs and was surprised to find Anna already in the room.

"He's very handsome," Anna said, as she unfolded Mary's nightgown and laid it down on the edge of the bed.

"I agree," Mary replied, eyeing Anna carefully. Her shoulders were a bit tight and her lips drawn into a thin line. Mary made her way toward Anna, stepping behind her, and placed her hands on her shoulders. Her lips moved to Anna's ear and she whispered, "But he's not you, because I love you, Anna."

Anna let out a shuddering breath and she turned to face Mary.

"I know you do," she quietly replied. "But how long can this last Mary until…." Her words quieted.

"Forever, darling," Mary promised. "Because you are all I want. I won't give into societal pressures and get married."

Anna chuckled, "You are quite stubborn."

Mary ran her hand up Anna's back, drawing her closer to her. The days had been much too long for Anna lately. She was picking up extra slack downstairs and was always coming to bed exhausted. Mary missed their intimacy. Their lips touched and she could feel Anna's lips curl upward against hers.

"I do trust you, you know," Anna said a moment later, when their lips parted. "I know that you love me. My fears come from…"

"Outside sources," Mary finished for her. The back of her fingers brushed along Anna's cheek. "But as you said, I'm stubborn. I won't let others decide what they think is right for me. I know what's right for me and that's you, Anna."

Anna smiled. "And you're right for me."

Their lips met again and Mary pushed Anna back slightly so that she fell against the bed. Her hand darted down to the edge of Anna's skirt, trying to lift it up. But Anna's hand landed on her wrist stopping her.

"I have to get downstairs," Anna breathed heavily against her cheek. She gently pushed against Mary's chest to roll her off her. Then she bent over and kissed Mary once more. "Soon," she promised. "I miss it too."

She darted up from the bed, adjusted her dress and hair, and rushed out of the room.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Anna couldn't express how excited she was to see her old roommate and dear friend, Gwen, show up at Downton Abbey. It had been far too many years since she had seen her last. When Gwen arrived, they were only able to speak for a moment, because she had a luncheon to make. The two had kept in touch with Christmas cards and even birthday letters. But it was far from what they had been when they shared the same room.

Gwen had come downstairs to speak with the staff, her old coworkers. Then she asked Anna about Sybil. Anna smiled, remembering how the two had also been close. In a way, it was similar to how she and Mary used to be until they crossed that threshold in their relationship.

"She's outside with her girls and I believe the other children are out there as well. Sometimes, she picks them all up from the nursery. She enjoys letting all of the children play without having to follow the nannies instructions," Anna laughed.

"Yes, that sounds like Lady Sybil." Gwen said fondly.

Anna led Gwen outside and to the large area where Sybil was sitting on a large blanket with all the children running around her. Sybil worked part-time as a nurse, but on her days off she could often be found outside and most times with the children. She said she wanted the cousins to all be close and Anna was grateful that Sybil included her children in with that.

"So many children at Downton now," Gwen stated, looking over at all six children. Sybil jumped up from the blanket and walked to Gwen, a bright smile upon her face. Anna allowed the two to catch up and she went over to make sure the children were all behaving. She briefly wondered if Edith knew Sybil had brought Marigold out here, but perhaps she didn't care if it was Sybil who did it.

Marigold was sitting by the flowers with Aisling and Pippa. Yet, when Pippa noticed there was a new person to see, she quickly stood and rushed to her, tugging on Gwen's dress. Pippa was not shy and instead always wanted to introduce herself to everyone.

"Oh hello!" Gwen greeted, bending down to Pippa's level. Aisling had followed Pippa, standing right behind her and watching curiously.

"I'm Pippa!" Pippa greeted. Gwen squeezed Pippa's hands and smiled.

"Well, hello, Pippa. I'm Gwen." Gwen's eyes moved to Anna.

"Is she yours? I didn't know you had another child, Anna! She looks just like you."

Anna felt a strange sensation bloom within her chest.

"She does?" Anna asked. Her eyes fell to the little girl with the dark and curly hair, whom she loved so very much.

"Yes! Just look at those eyes," Gwen replied.

"That must just be a coincidence," Anna then replied, that pride still in her chest. "She is Lady Mary's ward. She took her in as an orphan when she was just a baby."

"Oh, well, she's beautiful."

Pippa beamed. "Do you like to play?"

"I do, but I'm going to talk with the adults right now. You go on and play." Pippa nodded and rushed over to play back with the other children.

Anna felt a plop in her lap and saw that Johnny had come to her. She ran her fingers through his hair.

"This is my Johnny," she explained. Gwen grinned.

"Ah, yes, he looks like Mr. Bates. I'm so glad you have him."

Anna wanted to speak more, but she knew that Gwen and Sybil deserved this time together. Offering to take the children up to the nursery, Sybil thanked her. Anna wrangled all six children and wondered how Sybil seemed to do it so effortlessly. Then she walked them up to the nursery and left them with the nannies. But as she left, she remained in the doorway glancing at Pippa. Did she really look like her?

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

When Gwen was leaving, Anna was able to be the one to walk her to the door. Gwen told her husband to wait at the car and then turned to Anna. Her face was soft and gentle, with the smile on her face that Anna remembered so well. Sadness swept over Anna when she realized she may not see Gwen again. This had been so wonderful to see her.

"Sybil told me about…." Gwen paused and quietly glanced around to make sure no one was around, "About what happened and Pippa. I hope you don't get angry with her; she knows you and I were close like sisters. But I just wanted to tell you that she really is beautiful Anna and I am so glad that you have her here with you. You've been so brave to overcome it."

Anna didn't know why, but hearing these words made her feel warm and safe. A tear slipped down her cheek and she quickly brushed it away.

"Thank you," she whispered. "And don't worry. I'm not angry at Sybil. I'm glad you get to know that Pippa is mine."

The two hugged and then Anna watched as Gwen got in the car and drove away.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

"Gwen said Pippa looks just like me. It really surprised me," Anna stated, drawing the brush through Mary's dark locks.

"Why is that, darling? Of course she looks like you. You are her mother." Mary smiled as she said that. She always saw the similarities between Pippa and Anna.

Anna narrowed her eyes, deep in thought. "But no one else sees it," she went on to explain. "It was nice for someone outside to see it and claim her as mine."

Ah, Mary thought as she realized why this was so special to Anna. She turned on her stool to face Anna. Her lips curled upwards.

"Yes, I can see how that would be a good thing to hear, darling. I know it's difficult not to be able to claim her as yours except for when you are in limited company."

Mary stood and took Anna's hands within her own.

"So I am glad you had that moment today, Anna. Truly"

Anna stepped forward so that their noses nearly touched. She felt Anna's hand move up to her neck, before bending her closer for a kiss.

"It's been too long," Anna murmured against her lips.

"Yes, it has."

Spring 1971

Mary sighed. She took her pills and looked out the back window of their small beach house. She could see Anna sitting on the back porch with Lavender. The girl was reading her grandmother a story.

Today was their last day at the beach. Tomorrow morning, they would be heading back to the Abbey. Mary wasn't ready to leave. She wasn't ready to possibly say goodbye to the beach.

Her hand went to her wrist where she wore the bracelet Anna had given her all those years ago. She spun it around and closed her eyes, remembering when the two of them laughed and played along the beach together.

Tears spilled from her eyes. Today Anna was not here, not really. Her mind was elsewhere. Lavender had calmed her with a story, but it still wasn't Anna.

Mary nor Anna were strangers to heartbreak. The two of them had lost the men they loved more than anything far too early. But this was a different type of heartbreak. Watching the woman you loved slip further and further away from you tore at Mary's heart. This isn't what Anna would have wanted.

"Granny?" Mary stiffened her shoulders and quickly wiped her tears away, turning to see Violet in the doorway. She was Pippa's twin.

"Yes, darling."

"Will you read me a story?"

"Of course I will."

To be continued...

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