It starts at the estate. I was in the gym with Lynn and Anna and we were playing basketball.
Me: Here I come.
I dribble the ball down the arena and got past Lynn and Anna and jump and do a Slam Dunk.
Me: YEAH!
Laney blew the whistle.
Laney: J.D. wins!
Me: Whoo-hoo!
Lincoln: That was awesome J.D.!
Me: Thanks guys.
Duncan: You sure know how to play basketball J.D.
Me: I've been playing it since I was in Kindergarten.
My watch beeped.
Me: Time for another humiliation guys.
Lincoln: Lets go kick the Griffin's butts.
Me: Lets do it. Want to join us Duncan?
Duncan: You know it J.D.
Owen: Count us in too Jay.
Me: Okay.
We set out for the heart of the city.
In the heart of the city they were ready for another fantastic humiliation.
Me: Lets get it on.
Peter: Holy (censored)! It's Sinestro, Green Lantern's enemy!
Sinestro (chuckles): I see my reputation precedes me.
Lois: What the (censored) are you doing here?
Sinestro: Why, I'm here to torture you two.
Peter: You've just been waiting for this, haven't you? You're still the same (censored) who betrayed the Green Lantern Corps!
Sinestro: On the contrary, I've changed a great bit. And one of those changes is that it sickens me to hear parents abusing their own daughter.
Lois: Meg was our daughter. She deserved everything that we did to her!
Sinestro: No, she didn't! All she ever did was be a good daughter to you two. And you spat in her face!
Peter: You did things more horrible then we've ever done! You don't get to lecture us!
Sinestro (pins Lois and Peter to the ground with his ring): You're right. I did do horrible things. And I won't deny it. But I was under the influence of my own inner darkness. You two don't have that kind of excuse. (to the heroes) Is it ok if I reveal some info that might be important?
Owen: Go ahead, dude!
Me: By all means my friend.
Sinestro: Thank you. (to Lois and Peter) Before I betrayed the Green Lanterns, I had a daughter named Soranik Natu. I loved her very much. But she and I had a falling out when I became evil. Now that I'm free of my darkness, I plan to reconcile with her. And so it's not just for your daughter that I do this, but for my own as well. (forms a bag of nickels with his ring and hurls at Peter's crotch)
Me: Nice one Sinestro!
Owen: That was awesome!
Lynn: I got something!
Me: Go for it.
Lynn: Owen you want to help me with this?
Owen: Oh yeah L.J.
Lynn pulled out a blanket and they walked up to Peter.
Lynn: Hey Peter what's more fun than a Canadian Microwave?
Peter: I don't know. What?
Lynn: A Dutch Oven!
She covered Peter with the Blanket and she and Owen farted explosively and the blanket inflated and Peter was screaming in distress.
The blanket inflated from the massive fart.
They pulled the blanket off and Peter hurled his guts out. We were rolling on the ground and laughing our heads off.
Lynn: Yeah! That was awesome!
Owen: You said it Lynn! (They high five)
Lincoln: At least I wasn't on the receiving end of that one.
Meg: Lets hope that Peter likes it better than I did.
Brian: That was funny.
Rikki: I got something. Maria can you help me with this?
Maria: Sure Rikki.
Maria fired a blast of water and formed a block of water and got Lois and Peter's feet.
Rikki: Watch this.
Rikki held her hand out and the water was scalding hot.
Lois and Peter were screaming in excruciating pain.
Me: Oh! That's gonna hurt!
Rikki: To be honest, I almost killed a man with my boiling powers.
Maria: Really?
Emma: It's true. Me and Cleo saw it with our own eyes.
Me: That's wicked!
Lucy: It sure is J.D.
?: I want a crack at Griffin.
We saw Ernie the Giant Chicken.
Peter: You!
Me: Hello Ernie.
Ernie: Hey J.D. Thanks for blowing up Quahog and ridding the world of a dysfunctional city. Me and my family moved away from Quahog before it was being destroyed. Also great job humiliating the Griffin's.
Me: Thanks Ernie. The Griffin's deserve every second of their worthless lives being humiliated like this.
Ernie: I couldn't have said it better myself. Can you hold my groceries for me while I work my magic?
Me: Certainly.
He gave me the bags and walked up to Peter.
Ernie: Well, well, well. Look who's on the opposite end of the whooping stick. My old enemy Peter Griffin.
Peter: You're looking good Ernie. Have a great egg-laying contest and win?
Ernie: Funny you should ask. I'm a rooster and I don't lay eggs. Lets see how you like being beaten for once.
Ernie pecked Peter and beat him bad with a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire.
Ernie: That felt really good.
Ernie walked back and I handed him his groceries.
Ernie: Thanks man. That was awesome.
Me: You're welcome Ernie. You're more than welcome to join us every week for this.
Ernie: Thanks man. I'm always looking forward to it.
Ernie left.
Duncan: That was awesome! I got something. I want to show you all what I learned in Juvie.
Lincoln: Go for it Duncan.
Duncan walked up to Peter and dealt him a bunch of haymakers, uppercuts, roundhouse kicks and powerful martial arts moves.
Stewie: Whoa! What a fighter!
Brian: He sure is Stewie.
Peter was badly beaten.
Duncan: That was awesome!
Stewie: I got something.
Stewie pulled out a diving suit helmet with an air tube attached.
Stewie put the helmet on Peter and he farted in the air hose and Peter screamed as he was trying to get it off and he threw up inside it 5 times.
We were laughing ourselves silly.
Me: (Laughs) That was so funny!
Luan: It sure was. That's a tootin' pootin' Gas of fun! (Laughs) Get it?
We all laugh at that.
Eddy: (Laughs) That was funny!
Vambre: (Laughs) That was really humorous.
Me: It sure was. I got something.
I fly up into the air and pull out an old grand piano and drop it. It landed on Peter and flattened him.
CRASH!
Varie: Oooh! That's gonna hurt!
Peter emerged from the piano with piano key teeth and he had cartoon birds chirping and stars were spinning around his head.
Peter: (Slurred) Next time you get a fortune cookie, don't open it.
I pull the piano off and he was going up and down like an accordion.
Me: (Pings a tuning fork) My favorite tone: B Flat. (Rimshot)
We all laugh at my joke.
Brian: Hey I got something. Lily you want to help me with this?
Lily: Sure Brian.
Brian gave Lily a bottle of Ipecac.
Lily: Ipecac?
Brian: It's a syrup that causes you to throw up.
Lily: Oh I see what you're gonna do. I saw this on the internet at one time.
Brian: Yep.
Brian and Lily made Lois and Peter chug the whole bottle of Ipecac. 1 minute later they were hurling their guts out all over the place.
Me: Oh that's too funny!
Aylene: I've read about this and that's not only disgusting but fitting for them.
Laney: You said it Aylene. They deserve it.
Lola: You said it Laney.
Lana: Cool!
?: I want to do something.
We turned and we saw famous womens boxing champion Deirdre Jackson.
Me: Oh my gosh. That's Deirdre Jackson!
Varie: Who is she?
Me: She's the deadliest fighter in all of womens boxing. Shes killed 3 people in the ring. Her fists are a lethal force of nature and she lost to Lois Griffin a while back.
Deirdre: That's right J.D. Pleasure to meet you.
Me: You too Deirdre. I take it you're here for some revenge on Lois.
Deirdre: You know it.
Me: Well then unleash your fury.
Deirdre: With pleasure. By the way thanks for destroying Quahog. I hated that dump.
Me: You're welcome.
She walked up to Lois and pulverized Lois into Oblivion and ruthlessly destroyed her.
We were wincing from it.
Deirdre was done and Lois looked like she lost a fight to a crazed superhero.
Me: Wow! I had no idea she was that strong.
Brian: Deirdre is a force to be reckoned with.
Stewie: She sure is.
Deirdre: That felt really good.
Stewie: I got something for the Fat Man. J.D. say that "Peter owes me money and won't pay me".
Me: Oh I see what you're gonna do Stewie. Peter owes you money and he's not paying you.
Stewie went over to Peter and savagely beat Peter up like he did Brian a while back.
Stewie: Where's my money! You gonna give me my money!?
He pulled out a gun and shot Peter in the leg and fired a flamethrower at him and burned him bad and more. He was done and he walked back.
Me: Boy, Stewie that was rough.
Mike: I got something. But I can't fly.
Dana: I can help you Mike. What are you gonna do?
Mike: I'm gonna drop a huge safe on Lois.
Me: Ooh! That's always a funny gag. Where is it?
Mike: Over there. (Points to the safe and it was a huge one)
Me: Jeez! That thing looks like it weighs 1,000 pounds!
Mike: It does weigh that much and I can't lift it.
Me: Okay.
Dana and Me lifted up the safe and flew it over Lois at 100 feet into the air above her. Mike was guiding us.
Mike: Little to the right!
We moved over a bit.
Mike: Perfect! Hold it there! When I say now let her go!
Me: Right.
Mike: Ready? NOW!
We drop the safe and it crashed onto Lois.
CRASH!
We land and Mike turned the combination lock and opened the safe door. Lois was sticking through the bottom of the safe and she had a huge lump on her head and she had birds and swirls spiraling around her head.
We were laughing silly.
Luan: (Laughs) That's a Safe Endeavour! (Laughs) Get it?
We laugh some more.
Me: That was a good one Luan.
Sammy: I got something.
She pulled out a bottle of Super Fart Juice.
Lisa: My Concentrated Flatulence Elixir. Good choice Sammy.
Sammy: Thanks Lisa. Want to help me with this Lola?
Lola: Oh you know it Sammy.
They walked up to Peter and Sammy made him drink the whole bottle.
Peter's stomach started grumbling loudly.
Peter: Uh oh!
Peter let out a huge fart and Lola lit it on fire and it exploded and Peter's lower body was completely blown apart.
Me: Oh that is so disgusting!
Laney healed him and put him back together.
Me: I got something for Shawn.
Me and Carol put make up on Lois and Peter and made them look like Zombies. Shawn had a blindfold on and I gave him a paintball blaster.
Shawn: So what do you have for me?
Me: You'll love it buddy.
I take off the blindfold and Shawn saw Peter and Lois as Zombies and he screamed!
Shawn: (Screams) ZOMBIES!
He fired paintballs at their heads and drenched them in red paint.
Me: Shawn! Calm down. They're not zombies. They have make up on them that makes them look like Zombies. We figured it would be perfect for your training as a future Zombie Apocalypse Survivor.
Shawn: Oh. Thanks J.D. That was awesome though.
Me: You're welcome.
Courtney: I got something.
Courtney left and she was guiding a huge tower crane. She had it stop and it lowered down a rope. Courtney took the rope and tied it around both Peter and Lois' underwear.
Me: Now I see what she's gonna do. She's gonna give them the ultimate wedgie: The Tower Crane Flagpole Wedgie of Doom!
Lincoln: What's that?
Me: It's the most painful and most gut-churning and most vile kind of wedgie in the world and even the most meanest of bullies fear it terribly. Which is why they never use it. It's so widely feared that it would kill the victim.
Courtney: Let em have it!
The crane pulled their underwear and lifted them and Lois and Peter screamed in excruciating agony as the scene transits to the distant view of the galaxy as their screams could be heard all the way throughout all of space.
Back on Earth the crane let them go and their underwear was stretched long.
We laughed at them silly but somehow they survived.
Lightning: Lightning got something.
Lightning ran at them and tackled Peter really hard!
Lightning: That was for making fun of Sports!
I pull out Pokeballs and called out Croagunk and Electivire. Croagunk poison jabbed Peter in the crotch and he screamed in pain.
Me: That was awesome Croagunk. Electivire thunderbolt Lois.
Electivire: (Right!)
Electivire sent a massive blast of lightning at Lois and it electrocuted her bad. When it was done Lois had a really bad hair style.
Lois: (Screams) My hair!
Me: It's an improvement if you ask me.
Electivire: (J.D. you are a much better trainer than Paul ever was)
Me: Thanks Electivire. That means a lot to me.
I call them back to their Pokeballs.
Varie: Hey guys watch this.
She pulls out a 12-gauge shotgun and loads a blank in it.
Varie: I saw this in a comedy movie with Johnny Knoxville. (To the viewers) Kids do not try this at home.
She walks up to Peter and fires a shotgun blast at his face and blows his skin off and reveals half of his skull.
Peter was screaming in pain.
We laughed at that.
Me: Oh that was really funny!
Luan had a barber razor in her hand and she snuck up behind Lois as Psycho Strings play and she shaved Lois and she screamed.
Lois: (Screams and looks behind her) What the (Censored)!?
We laughed at this some more.
Luan: That's one way to get a Bad Hair Day. (Laughs to rimshot) Get it?
We laugh at that.
Lori: Oh that was literally so funny!
Ella: I have something.
Ella sang a bunch of birds swooped in and pecked Lois all over the place.
Izzy: I got something too!
Izzy called a group of Beavers and they ripped Peter's pants apart.
Dawn (TD): I have something.
Dawn called a pack of wolves and they mauled them.
Me: That was awesome girls!
Dawn (TD): Thanks J.D.
Me: Now for the grand finale.
I pull out a big cannon and it's loaded with something. I aim it at Peter's Crotch.
Me: (Imitating Dirty Harry) Make my day.
I fired a bag of Quarters at him like a cannonball and they hit him in the crotch with devastating force.
WHAM!
Everyone: OOOOOOOHHH!
Lincoln: (Winces) That must've hurt bad!
Me: It did.
Kevin: Lets make sure that Lois never talks again.
Kevin walked up to Lois and grabbed her tongue and pulled it and tied it in a knot and then he slammed her head down and she bit it off and she screamed in pain. Lois was now tongueless.
Me: Yichihuahuas! Thats got to hurt!
Lori: At least Lois will never talk again.
Luna: You said it brah.
Leni: Totes.
Me: Now lets make them see what true fear is like.
Me, Nicole, Vince and Naruto trapped Peter and Lois in the Malevolent Insanity World and combined it with the Tsukuyomi Genjutsu and Vince's Insanity Jutsu called Nightmarish Sanity! The Three Techniques combined together were much worse than ever and they were amplified 10 Billion-fold.
Peter and Lois were screaming mad.
Me: What was that technique you used Vince?
Vince: It was called Nightmarish Sanity. What it does is it destroys the targets Sanity to beyond all forms of mental medicinal repair and to the point of zero reasoning.
Me: Whoa! That's wicked partner. Great job.
Vince: Thanks J.D.
Lois and Peter were put in strong chained straitjackets and taken back to prison.
Later we were having dinner and celebrating another great session of Humiliation for the Griffin's.
Me: Today was awesome!
Lincoln: It sure was.
THE END
Another Fanfiction Complete.
NicoChan11 and VinJedi1995 Gave me the ideas for this. Thanks guys for the great ideas. I wanted to do some of these shenanigans for a while and they were really funny. Let me know what you all think.
See you all next time.
