Okay... The next part of my little fic... Maybe this will explain a little more of Kaoru's feelings... or maybe it'll just confuse you more. he he
Sorry about my rant... Id rather rant here than at work, cause then i'd get fired and nobody would get to read my *lovely* writing cause I wouldn't have a computer or even a car to get me to the library(a little voice in my head says :"You know, this sounds like a PERSONAL problem.")... grinning stupidly
So then, on with the show...
Kenshin found her back at the camp site a few minutes later, wrapped up in her blanket again, shivering because of the cold. It amazed him to watch her, struggling not to shiver, not to show her weakness. Sighing, he grabbed his own blanket and wrapped it too around her. "B-but, K-Kenshin, this is y-your blanket! Y-you should k-keep it to w-warm you up too!" Her teeth chattered too much for her to continue talking.
"It's alright, Kaoru-dono." The blanket seemed to help her, and her shivering slowly ceased, the color returning to her cheeks gradually.
"It's all my fault, Kenshin. It's all my fault. I treated him so poorly... I was just trying to make a point, to teach him a lesson, and it all came crashing back down on me, just like normal. I should have learned by now."
"Kaoru-dono, you were well within your rights to do what you did, that you were." Kenshin paused for a second. "I would imagine Yahiko was trying to do the same to you." The irony of hit him as he was saying it.
"But what can he teach me? I've had to teach him everything..."
"There may be things you don't know yet, Kaoru-dono." He cocked his head to the side. "Things that Yahiko knows, things that he's tried or is trying to teach you."
"But what-?" She was silenced by him shaking his head.
"That is for Yahiko to tell you, that it is." Kaoru knew by instinct and experience that she wouldn't be able to press Kenshin on the matter. He had already said as much as he wanted to. So she flipped the subject on him.
"What about you, Kenshin? Are there things that you don't know? Things we've taught you?" For the moment, she had forgotten everything that had been said between them earlier.
"Yes." He didn't explain, didn't say anything more, just the one word was enough for him. So she hit him with another question.
"Do you like me at all, Kenshin?" He seemed shocked by her question, as though he hadn't been expecting it, or maybe as though it wasn't something he thought she would ever ask. In truth, he was shocked because she didn't know. He thought it was obvious. Sano knew, Yahiko knew, even Megumi-dono knew.
When he didn't answer her right away, she sighed and tossed his blanket at him. "Fine. Be that way. Cold and heartless. I suppose that's the real lesson you took from the war with you. How to be stoic and iced. You're so good at it, at not caring." Her eyes glinted as she spoke, not even looking at him. If she had, she would have realized how much her words were upsetting him. "You stick around and show what a big hero you are; 'look, I can defeat anyone without even cutting them. Aren't I great?' Do you even stop to think that you might be hurting us; me, Yahiko, those who care about you. Or do you just ignore it, because it doesn't even bother you? The thought of-" She stopped speaking as he stood and started walking in quick, measured steps towards her. "Do you even think, Kenshin?" It was the final straw for him.
"You think I care about having a sword, about being the Hitokiri Battosai? You think that I don't care about those around me?" His eyes held little trace of the lavender that so clearly marked the rurouni. In truth, they were colored so amber, they glowed. Suddenly, he let out a quick, contemptous laugh. "Why would I care? Why should I? Why should I care about someone who is so convinced that I don't care? Why even worry about that? Why should I? Why shouldn't I be so selfish, as you seem to be convinced that I am? Should I simply take everything I want, no matter what the cost to others?"
He was so close to her sitting form, he was almost on top of her. "So why shouldn't I just take you? You and I both know you'd never be able to best me; hell, you wouldn't even get a shot in. You know that as well as I do." His hands shot out and gripped her under the armpits, lifting her and holding her up so her wide eyes were directly in front of his. Her toes skimmed the ground, but not enough to ease the pain of the muscles in her shoulders from being held up in such an awkward way.
"Kenshin..." She whispered his name, so softly, but it did no good. He just kept staring into her eyes. It unnerved her, right down into the core of her being. Then he let out another one of his cynical, caustic laughs.
"Not that you'd really resist me, would you, Kaoru? I mean, look at the two of us. It's a joke. You've become the saint and me the villian. All you do is for those around you, but you're convinced that I'm all about myself. This line of thought is simply crazy And what reason do I have for traipsing after Yahiko, freezing my ass off on this cold night, answer me that!" He shook his head. "Don't answer that. I don't want to hear what you think. I can't handle that." His mind was filled with all the things that she was probably thinking.
Everything else that he had said, she could put up with. But that was the last thing she would put up with. "And what do you think would keep me from telling you what I think? So what that you could take me here, now, anywhere you wanted. So you can control me physically. Does that make you feel good? Does it make you feel good inside to know that you could do whatever you wanted with my body because you're stronger and more skilled at fighting than I am? What does that really say about you, Kenshin?" She paused and looked at him for a second.
"And your reason for going with me to follow Yahiko, it's obvio-" She was cut off by his mouth on hers, his tongue sneaking out to tease her lips open and slip inside, dancing a terrifying dance with her own tongue. He pulled her body against his, and tilted his head to delve deeper into her mouth; she opening her mouth just a little bit farther, willingly letting him violate that part of her being. He pulled back slightly to nip her bottom lip with his teeth, just enough to hurt, then he kissed it away, leaning in again to ravage her mouth once more. And the kiss became more than just a way to shut her up.
Her soft moan broke his reverie. He lifted his head away from her, searching her face for something, some kind of sign, anything to tell him what she was feeling. Nervously, he saw her tongue sneak out to wet her lips. It was her who spoke first. "Why do you do that, Kenshin? Don't you realize that doing that to me is a worse punishment than ignoring me? If you don't want to be around me, just say so. You don't need to toy with me."
He was ready to throw his head back in vexation. Didn't she get it at all? "Why in the hell do you think that I don't like you?"
"You don't need to yell, Kenshin." She swallowed. Another nervous habit. "Why do I think you don't like me? Because if you cared, if you cared the way I hoped you did, then you would have already done something about it, Kenshin. You would have..." She shook her head. "It's useless now. What's the point?"
"Done something?" He asked over the top of her voice. "And what did you want me to do? Bend you over a table and have my way with you? Buy you pretty little baubles? What did you want? What more could I have done?"
"Talked." She murmured. "I don't need things, I needed your attention. I want... wanted you to talk to me, to share your thoughts, to share your feelings and dreams." She blinked as she realized that he had almost blanked her out. "Kenshin?"
He laughed again. "Here were discussing love, and you're talking about conversation? You don't have to be in a relationship to talk, Kaoru. You don't even need to be fucking someone to have a conversation with them."
"No, those are the ones least likely to have a conversation!" Kaoru interjected. This time, Kenshin's laugh was filled with humor.
"Right you are." Finally, as though just realizing he was still holding her to him, he set her down and away from him. "So what do you want from me?" Kaoru shook her head.
"Nothing now." She paused. "Nothing when you don't even want to be around me." For the first time, Kaoru heard Kenshin growl, both with irritation and exasperation.
"God damnit, woman." This was different from what she knew of Kenshin. "What do I have to do to get you to understand? I've never seen you so unreasonable and obstinate!" She took a step back from him, only to find herself up against a tree.
His hands shot out to her sides, trapping her between the tree and Kenshin. She looked up at him, and he saw again what he had seen the previous night: pure trust of a person so clearly on the edge. Even now, even as he threatened her, she trusted him. Why was that? What did she see that he didn't? He just didn't understand her. He supposed that put them at an impasse on that account.
"Are you worried, Kaoru? Is that why you try to get away from me? Do you think I'd hurt you?"
"You said last night you would." That moment still stuck out in her mind.
"Hmm. Yes, I would. But only once." She didn't understand; he was talking in riddles. He saw the confusion in her eyes. "You really don't know, do you? I mean, you really are completely inexperienced. Most girls your age are married with a baby, and you still don't know. You're seventeen, Kaoru. Where does that put you? What do you have? You should've been married already. Why aren't you?" He didn't expect an answer, and he suspected he didn't want one.
But he got one. "Because you won't have me." He squeezed his eyes shut tight, and backed away from her, heading back to the river.
"Be ready at dawn."
Okay... so what next..? Any ideas? It's easy to start or finish a fic, it's hard to write the middle... Anyways, I welcome any and all ideas that you have... Any reviews are welcome, unless of course you're just going to tell me that it sucks and I should commit myself somewhere and save the living... I tried that and it didn't work..
Sorry about my rant... Id rather rant here than at work, cause then i'd get fired and nobody would get to read my *lovely* writing cause I wouldn't have a computer or even a car to get me to the library(a little voice in my head says :"You know, this sounds like a PERSONAL problem.")... grinning stupidly
So then, on with the show...
Kenshin found her back at the camp site a few minutes later, wrapped up in her blanket again, shivering because of the cold. It amazed him to watch her, struggling not to shiver, not to show her weakness. Sighing, he grabbed his own blanket and wrapped it too around her. "B-but, K-Kenshin, this is y-your blanket! Y-you should k-keep it to w-warm you up too!" Her teeth chattered too much for her to continue talking.
"It's alright, Kaoru-dono." The blanket seemed to help her, and her shivering slowly ceased, the color returning to her cheeks gradually.
"It's all my fault, Kenshin. It's all my fault. I treated him so poorly... I was just trying to make a point, to teach him a lesson, and it all came crashing back down on me, just like normal. I should have learned by now."
"Kaoru-dono, you were well within your rights to do what you did, that you were." Kenshin paused for a second. "I would imagine Yahiko was trying to do the same to you." The irony of hit him as he was saying it.
"But what can he teach me? I've had to teach him everything..."
"There may be things you don't know yet, Kaoru-dono." He cocked his head to the side. "Things that Yahiko knows, things that he's tried or is trying to teach you."
"But what-?" She was silenced by him shaking his head.
"That is for Yahiko to tell you, that it is." Kaoru knew by instinct and experience that she wouldn't be able to press Kenshin on the matter. He had already said as much as he wanted to. So she flipped the subject on him.
"What about you, Kenshin? Are there things that you don't know? Things we've taught you?" For the moment, she had forgotten everything that had been said between them earlier.
"Yes." He didn't explain, didn't say anything more, just the one word was enough for him. So she hit him with another question.
"Do you like me at all, Kenshin?" He seemed shocked by her question, as though he hadn't been expecting it, or maybe as though it wasn't something he thought she would ever ask. In truth, he was shocked because she didn't know. He thought it was obvious. Sano knew, Yahiko knew, even Megumi-dono knew.
When he didn't answer her right away, she sighed and tossed his blanket at him. "Fine. Be that way. Cold and heartless. I suppose that's the real lesson you took from the war with you. How to be stoic and iced. You're so good at it, at not caring." Her eyes glinted as she spoke, not even looking at him. If she had, she would have realized how much her words were upsetting him. "You stick around and show what a big hero you are; 'look, I can defeat anyone without even cutting them. Aren't I great?' Do you even stop to think that you might be hurting us; me, Yahiko, those who care about you. Or do you just ignore it, because it doesn't even bother you? The thought of-" She stopped speaking as he stood and started walking in quick, measured steps towards her. "Do you even think, Kenshin?" It was the final straw for him.
"You think I care about having a sword, about being the Hitokiri Battosai? You think that I don't care about those around me?" His eyes held little trace of the lavender that so clearly marked the rurouni. In truth, they were colored so amber, they glowed. Suddenly, he let out a quick, contemptous laugh. "Why would I care? Why should I? Why should I care about someone who is so convinced that I don't care? Why even worry about that? Why should I? Why shouldn't I be so selfish, as you seem to be convinced that I am? Should I simply take everything I want, no matter what the cost to others?"
He was so close to her sitting form, he was almost on top of her. "So why shouldn't I just take you? You and I both know you'd never be able to best me; hell, you wouldn't even get a shot in. You know that as well as I do." His hands shot out and gripped her under the armpits, lifting her and holding her up so her wide eyes were directly in front of his. Her toes skimmed the ground, but not enough to ease the pain of the muscles in her shoulders from being held up in such an awkward way.
"Kenshin..." She whispered his name, so softly, but it did no good. He just kept staring into her eyes. It unnerved her, right down into the core of her being. Then he let out another one of his cynical, caustic laughs.
"Not that you'd really resist me, would you, Kaoru? I mean, look at the two of us. It's a joke. You've become the saint and me the villian. All you do is for those around you, but you're convinced that I'm all about myself. This line of thought is simply crazy And what reason do I have for traipsing after Yahiko, freezing my ass off on this cold night, answer me that!" He shook his head. "Don't answer that. I don't want to hear what you think. I can't handle that." His mind was filled with all the things that she was probably thinking.
Everything else that he had said, she could put up with. But that was the last thing she would put up with. "And what do you think would keep me from telling you what I think? So what that you could take me here, now, anywhere you wanted. So you can control me physically. Does that make you feel good? Does it make you feel good inside to know that you could do whatever you wanted with my body because you're stronger and more skilled at fighting than I am? What does that really say about you, Kenshin?" She paused and looked at him for a second.
"And your reason for going with me to follow Yahiko, it's obvio-" She was cut off by his mouth on hers, his tongue sneaking out to tease her lips open and slip inside, dancing a terrifying dance with her own tongue. He pulled her body against his, and tilted his head to delve deeper into her mouth; she opening her mouth just a little bit farther, willingly letting him violate that part of her being. He pulled back slightly to nip her bottom lip with his teeth, just enough to hurt, then he kissed it away, leaning in again to ravage her mouth once more. And the kiss became more than just a way to shut her up.
Her soft moan broke his reverie. He lifted his head away from her, searching her face for something, some kind of sign, anything to tell him what she was feeling. Nervously, he saw her tongue sneak out to wet her lips. It was her who spoke first. "Why do you do that, Kenshin? Don't you realize that doing that to me is a worse punishment than ignoring me? If you don't want to be around me, just say so. You don't need to toy with me."
He was ready to throw his head back in vexation. Didn't she get it at all? "Why in the hell do you think that I don't like you?"
"You don't need to yell, Kenshin." She swallowed. Another nervous habit. "Why do I think you don't like me? Because if you cared, if you cared the way I hoped you did, then you would have already done something about it, Kenshin. You would have..." She shook her head. "It's useless now. What's the point?"
"Done something?" He asked over the top of her voice. "And what did you want me to do? Bend you over a table and have my way with you? Buy you pretty little baubles? What did you want? What more could I have done?"
"Talked." She murmured. "I don't need things, I needed your attention. I want... wanted you to talk to me, to share your thoughts, to share your feelings and dreams." She blinked as she realized that he had almost blanked her out. "Kenshin?"
He laughed again. "Here were discussing love, and you're talking about conversation? You don't have to be in a relationship to talk, Kaoru. You don't even need to be fucking someone to have a conversation with them."
"No, those are the ones least likely to have a conversation!" Kaoru interjected. This time, Kenshin's laugh was filled with humor.
"Right you are." Finally, as though just realizing he was still holding her to him, he set her down and away from him. "So what do you want from me?" Kaoru shook her head.
"Nothing now." She paused. "Nothing when you don't even want to be around me." For the first time, Kaoru heard Kenshin growl, both with irritation and exasperation.
"God damnit, woman." This was different from what she knew of Kenshin. "What do I have to do to get you to understand? I've never seen you so unreasonable and obstinate!" She took a step back from him, only to find herself up against a tree.
His hands shot out to her sides, trapping her between the tree and Kenshin. She looked up at him, and he saw again what he had seen the previous night: pure trust of a person so clearly on the edge. Even now, even as he threatened her, she trusted him. Why was that? What did she see that he didn't? He just didn't understand her. He supposed that put them at an impasse on that account.
"Are you worried, Kaoru? Is that why you try to get away from me? Do you think I'd hurt you?"
"You said last night you would." That moment still stuck out in her mind.
"Hmm. Yes, I would. But only once." She didn't understand; he was talking in riddles. He saw the confusion in her eyes. "You really don't know, do you? I mean, you really are completely inexperienced. Most girls your age are married with a baby, and you still don't know. You're seventeen, Kaoru. Where does that put you? What do you have? You should've been married already. Why aren't you?" He didn't expect an answer, and he suspected he didn't want one.
But he got one. "Because you won't have me." He squeezed his eyes shut tight, and backed away from her, heading back to the river.
"Be ready at dawn."
Okay... so what next..? Any ideas? It's easy to start or finish a fic, it's hard to write the middle... Anyways, I welcome any and all ideas that you have... Any reviews are welcome, unless of course you're just going to tell me that it sucks and I should commit myself somewhere and save the living... I tried that and it didn't work..
