Title: Sesshoumaru's Plight
Rating: K+
Genre: Humor/spam!fic

Sesshoumaru's Plight

There once was a daiyoukai who had so many fan girls he didn't know what to do.

He gave them steely glares and, oh, they did swoon.

He ignored them all willingly, but to no avail.

He beat them with his whip, but soon realized they were all manga purist and he was thusly screwed.

They paired him with his brother and the miko from the future, too.

They even paired him with fair Rin, as he fought the urge to sue.

They tried to melt his icy heart, which was located in his pants, you see.

"I'm just nineteen and not ready for marriage!" he cried, hoping they'd believe. "Humans are icky," he went on to explain, "and just because I'm pretty, doesn't mean I'm gay."

"But your father liked humans and took a human mate."

"What was she a sock? Is there something wrong with saying wife?" insisted the daiyoukai, fearing for his life. "Besides, that was my father, whose power I inherited and whose creepy fetishes I left abated."

"You're just cold and jaded!" exclaimed the fan girls, "because your mother made you that way."

"What!" the daiyoukai shouted and readied his claws.

Then Mary Sue appeared before him and he could break no laws.

"My mother is kind and noble," the daiyoukai said. "And rules the west when I'm away. Which is really quite convenient because I'm always rolling in the hay."

"With who!" one fan girl exclaimed. "I bet it's Kagura. That bitch."

"No," screamed another, "I bet it was Izayoi."

"No, no," insisted the daiyoukai, "Kagura's dead and Izayoi gave me herp-"

"Sesshoumaru!" bellowed a voice from the West. "Ignore those fan girls and go to bed."

"Yes, Mother," the daiyoukai called and turned to leave.

The fan girls stood aghast, until one brave soul a Sesshoumaru/Jaken shipper, I believe said, "Oh my God! You're sleeping with your mother!"

"Incest is wrong," chided a Sesshoumaru/Inuyasha shipper in great disgust. "No wonder you're afraid to love."

"I'm not afraid," claimed Sesshoumaru, "for love is nothing I'm above."

"I knew it!" crowed a Sesshoumaru/Rin shipper. "You love Rin, I do believe."

"Rin is a child and clearly not my type and neither is Kagome, so don't believe the hype."

"BUT!" wailed the fan girls, "You said you were in love."

"No," said the daiyoukai with waning patience. "I said I love someone, and that would be my mother for giving birth to someone as wonderful as me."