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Chapter 49
1930s Downton Abbey
Anna could already feel the tears stinging her eyes and the large weight settling off her shoulders now that this secret was out between her and Pippa. The eleven year old shifted in the hospital bed and her hand came up to clutch against Anna's.
"You…you are my mother?" She asked once more, her uncovered eye searching Anna's face to make sure this wasn't some elaborate lie.
"I am, darling," Anna whispered. She blinked and a tear slid down her cheek. Quickly, she wiped it away. "I have wanted to tell you all this time, but I couldn't."
Pippa's lips twisted and turned, before she let out a low sigh. "Why not? Johnny knows you are his mother."
"That was different," Anna felt guilty now. How must this sound to Pippa? Her mother hadn't claimed her for all these years. "I was married to Johnny's father."
Pippa sat herself up slightly and her dark curls fell over her cheek. Anna attempted to brush them away, but Pippa shook her head.
"You see," Anna continued on, wanting to explain. "I wanted to keep you. I loved you so very much, I still do, so Mary offered to take you in as a ward. She also wanted you. She made it so that we could stay together, but not have to worry about how it would be viewed by the world." Anna internally cursed herself. She wasn't sure she was explaining any of this well.
"But why couldn't you keep me as yours?" Pippa asked her. "Why didn't you marry my father?"
Anna swallowed hard. "I couldn't. It wasn't….." Anna paused. "The world doesn't look too kindly on unwed mothers, Pippa. And I couldn't marry your father because…." Again, she paused. "He wasn't a very good man."
Pippa didn't respond for a good minute.
"But you really wanted me?" At that, Anna smiled.
"Oh, I always wanted you. You are my little girl."
"But it has to be a secret?"
Regretfully, Anna nodded, "Yes, no one else knows. It's to keep us all safe."
"Kind of like how you and Mary remain a secret?" Pippa's brow rose and she let out a little giggle. Anna turned her head to the side slightly.
"What…"
"Don't worry," Pippa whispered, "I know how to keep secrets. But you don't have to hide around me or the boys. We all know." Then Pippa winked. Her joyful and mischievous spirit made Anna chuckle.
"How long have you all known?" None of the children had ever let it be known to either her or Mary that they had any indication of what the two of them were. They did spend a lot of time together, but Mary and Anna were always careful about their behaviors around them. More so to protect the children than anything.
"As long as I can remember," Pippa shrugged. "Johnny just told George and me not to tell anyone, but we never even thought to."
"You are all very smart," Anna told her daughter. "I love you, Pippa." Her words were strong and sincere. "And I am sorry things have to be this way."
"It's alright," Pippa answered. "So Granny and Donk don't know?"
"No," Anna replied.
"What about Mr. Barrow?"
"No."
"Mrs. Hughes?"
"Actually, yes, she knows," Anna told Pippa.
"Makes sense," Pippa nodded. "Hum…..Aunt Edith, wait…no, she wouldn't know," Pippa giggled. "Oh! Aunt Sybil?"
"Yes, she does know."
"Anyone else?"
"Well, now Mrs. Crawley knows," Anna stated, "But that is all. We have kept it a locked secret, Pippa. It has been to protect you. It's because we love you," Anna added once more.
"I know," Pippa quietly said. Anna rubbed the back of her hand against Pippa's cheek. She was always so amazed by Pippa's maturity. She was still very much a child who loved to play hard and cause mischief from time to time, but she could also understand things at a level most eleven year olds could not.
"Um, I hate to interrupt," Isobel's voice came, before the curtain was opened slightly. "Lord and Lady Grantham will be here shortly. They just heard the news and they were out to lunch. You should probably go for now."
Anna sighed, but she also slowly nodded.
"I'll be back," she promised Pippa. "I'm so glad you're alright."
-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-
When Mary finally reached the hospital, she was pleased to see Anna sitting outside on a bench. Anna didn't seem upset, so that made her feel much better. Last she had heard hours ago was that Pippa had been badly hurt falling from a tree. She fortunately just made the train and came straight back home.
"Anna!"
Anna stood and quickly walked to Mary.
"She's alright. Some bumps and bruises and a hurt arm, but she'll be alright," Anna calmly told her.
"Thank god!"
"She's asleep right now," Anna then added.
"But Dr. Clarkson thinks she'll be alright?" Mary asked once more. She had been so worried about Pippa the entire train ride back, wondering what she would do if she lost her.
"Yes," Anna promised. "I….Mary…." Anna seemed to be stuttering over her words. "I had to tell Mrs. Crawley that I was her mum to be allowed to see her. And Pippa overheard me, so…I told her the truth. I know we said we would wait a little while longer and do it together, but…"
"Oh darling," Mary just broke in, giving her a soft smile. "She's your daughter. I'm glad she finally knows. How did she take it?"
"Well," Anna honestly answered. "She took it better than I ever expected her to."
"Of course she did," Mary winked. "She has you as her mother. She's so fortunate."
"There is more," Anna continued, perking Mary's ears.
"Oh?"
"She knows about us. She said the boys do too and always have. Apparently, we haven't been as inconspicuous as we thought we were being. At least, not around them."
"No," Mary agreed, as she thought back about all their beach trips with the children.
"Are you sure you're not upset? Pippa is as much yours as she is mine," Anna stated, as she tugged anxiously on her fingers. Even though they were out in the open, Mary took Anna's hands within her own and gave them a loving squeeze.
"You could never upset me, darling. And this was how it was supposed to happen. Now, Pippa gets to know the truth."
"She did ask about her father. I didn't know what to say. I don't want to lie to her, but I don't want…" Anna took in a sharp breath. "I told her he wasn't a good man."
"Well, that is true," Mary replied with an inhale. Just the mere thought of Alex Green would make her blood start to boil, even though he had been dead for many years now. "The time will come for her to know, but I think for now it's best to keep it at that."
"I agree," Anna stated. "Now that you are here, I'll head back to Downton."
"Alright, darling."
-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-
Anna watched Mary enter the hospital and then she grabbed her small bag from the bench where she had been sitting. As she made her way on the path back to Downton Abbey, she spotted Isobel who was over at a shop. Anna decided she would go and thank her for letting her see Pippa.
When she made her way to Isobel, the woman looked up and gave her a warm smile.
"Oh Anna," she greeted.
"Thank you for letting me visit Pippa," Anna told her. "Years ago, there was this…this man at Downton and he…." Anna paused, the words harder than she expected to say. But Isobel just shook her head.
"You don't have to explain any of it to me, dear. I'm just so pleased that Mary took your child in as her ward so you could remain near her. Every once in a while, Mary surprises me. Your secret is safe with me."
"Thank you," Anna sincerely stated. "I love her very much."
"I know you do." Isobel bid her goodbye and walked into the shop.
Anna felt a strange feeling come over her and she realized it was relief. She was relieved that Pippa now knew. There no longer had to be this big secret between the two of them. She just hoped that Pippa would continue to understand why the secret had to be kept and not resent her for it.
Reaching the house, she immediately searched for Mrs. Hughes. She found her in her parlor alone and for that Anna was grateful.
"How is she?" Mrs. Hughes asked, as Anna closed the door behind them.
"She's going to be alright," Anna answered. A rush of tears began to fall down her cheeks that she hadn't been expecting. Mrs. Hughes just drew her into her arms and allowed them to fall. She hadn't realized just how scared she had been and now relieved she was that her daughter was going to be fine, that she wasn't going to lose her.
"There, there," Mrs. Hughes soothed.
Once Anna had settled down, the two of them sat. Mrs. Hughes made them tea and gave a cup to Anna. Anna was glad for the warm liquid. There was something comforting about having a cup of warm tea.
As the two of them sat together, Anna told Mrs. Hughes about everything and how Pippa knew now.
"That's wonderful," Mrs. Hughes said with a smile. "It's about time she knew. She's no longer a little girl."
"No," Anna replied. "She's not. Do you think I made the right choice?"
"Of course, I do. Pippa has every right to know you are her mother. And I know how much you have wanted her to know all this time."
"I have."
"Now, why don't you go upstairs and take a rest. You look like you could fall over from all of the excitement from the day."
"I'm alright."
"Go," Mrs. Hughes said, not allowing any room for any more arguments.
"Oh alright, just for a little while."
Summer 1971
"I cannot be here," Mary stubbornly stated, as she attempted to sit herself up from the hospital bed. She tried to pull the IV from her arm, only to have her grandson, Tommy, stop her.
"Granny, you have to lay down." Tommy attempted.
"I feel fine," Mary bit.
"Mother," Pippa's voice came from the doorway, before she walked inside. "You are ill. Lay down."
Mary huffed, but did as her daughter said. Pippa turned her attention to Tommy and touched his arm.
"Go and get your dad," she told him. "And see if your Uncle Johnny has arrived." Tommy nodded and walked out the door.
"Where is Anna?" Mary asked.
"Johnny is bringing her," Pippa answered, sitting down next to Mary on the hospital bed.
"I won't stay here," Mary crossed her arms over her chest. "I can't stay here. Anna needs me."
"Mama isn't alone, Mother," Pippa carefully told Mary, her hand rested on Mary's upper arm. "She has us."
"But she doesn't have me," Mary added, her lower lip quivering. "She needs me."
"She needs you to be well," Pippa countered.
"I have to sleep in the same bed as her. She doesn't like being alone."
"I'll sleep with her, Mother," Pippa promised. "We won't let either of you ever be alone."
The door opened and Mary glanced up. There in the doorway were Anna and Johnny.
"Oh Anna!" Mary cried out. Johnny assisted his mother in through the door and walked her over to sit in the chair by Mary's bed.
"Why are you here?" Anna asked, confused. Mary just reached out and grabbed her hand.
"I'll be fine," she told Anna, not wanting to worry her. "I won't be here long."
"I want you home," Anna strongly stated.
"I know, darling. Soon."
To be continued...
