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Chapter 53
1930s – Downton Abbey
"I have wonderful news," Cora began, as they started eating their breakfast.
"And what's that?" Mary asked.
"Just this morning, your sister, Edith, rang. She, Bertie, Marigold, and the boys will be joining us for Christmas."
"That's fabulous!" Robert said, smiling joyfully. "We will have all three of our girls and all of our grandchildren home for the holiday. How absolutely marvelous."
"Is it?" Mary questioned, cocking up her eyebrow.
"Of course it is," Cora countered. "It's been a few years since we've had you all here. Your father and I are not getting any younger. Who knows how many Christmases we have left with you all."
Mary sat back slightly at that. While she knew it to be true, she didn't plan on her parents leaving her any time soon. They weren't that old, and besides, both of her grandmothers had lived a nice long life. There was no reason her parents couldn't either.
"I suppose," Mary decided to answer, sipping on her tea.
"Philippa, what do you think about seeing your cousins over the holiday? And George will be home soon," Cora said, trying to bring Pippa into the conversation. Pippa was in the middle of buttering her toast. She set her knife down and shrugged.
"I think it will be fun," she said. "But it will be crowded."
"It will," Mary agreed. "Where will everyone stay?"
"We have plenty of rooms, Mary," Cora stated.
"I know that, Mama," Mary said. "I just meant, what will the set up look like? It's not like there is a nursery anymore, but perhaps there should be for Edith and Sybil's youngest?"
"We'll let Mrs. Hughes and Mr. Barrow sort all of that out," Robert answered, not too concerned.
"Yes, and I'm sure Sybil and Edith would enjoy having their old rooms back while they are here, much like they do whenever they come and visit."
"Yes," Mary agreed. It had been quite a while since all of them visited at the same time. Sometimes, just Sybil and Edith would come together but it wasn't too often that they would both travel at the same time with their whole families. She guessed it could be fun.
"Do I have to share a room?" Pippa then asked. "I would really rather not. The nursery was always so loud."
"Darling, we have plenty of rooms." Mary waved her hand dismissively.
"But wouldn't it be fun to share a room with Aisling and Marigold? The three of you have always been so close." At Cora's words, Pippa rolled her eyes. Both Cora and Robert met eyes knowingly and chuckled.
"I like them, but being in the same room…three girls. Must I?"
"Pippa, darling, why don't you go downstairs and see if Anna has finished mending your gown." Mary said.
"Alright." Pippa nearly jumped out of the chair. She slowly walked toward the door, but Mary saw that as soon as she thought she was out of sight that her walking turned into a mixture between skipping and running.
"Mary," Cora began, a hint of laughter on her lips. "Are you certain she's not yours? She has your eye roll down."
"Eye roll? What are you even talking about?" Mary huffed.
"I have to say, she does act so much like you, especially at that age."
"I wasn't nearly as adventurous as she is nor as stubborn. She doesn't listen to a word I say. She's as stubborn as a mule!"
That had her parents laughing.
"What?" Mary demanded.
"Oh my darling," Cora said. "She's your clone."
"It was bound to come back to you, Mary," her father shrugged. "That's how it always happens."
Mary rolled her eyes, which only made her receive more laughter. She stood, throwing her napkin onto her plate.
"I'm going to go get some work done. I'll see you both later."
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Pippa eagerly made her way down the staircase to the downstairs. She was thrilled that Mary had allowed her to leave breakfast early. Sometimes breakfast could be quite boring all alone with just the adults. It was times like that which made her miss George. He surely helped keep meals interesting, even if they did butt heads.
Ever since she had learned that Anna was her mother, Pippa wanted to spend more and more time with her. Thankfully, Mary allowed for that. There was so much Pippa still wanted and needed to know. She couldn't understand why her father was such a big secret. It didn't make any sense.
As she reached the downstairs, she saw Mrs. Hughes.
"Mrs. Hughes, where is my….where is Anna?"
"Oh, she had to run an errand. She will be back around lunchtime," Mrs. Hughes frowned. "I can send someone to let you know when she's arrived."
"Oh, alright," Pippa sighed. "Could I ask you a question?"
"Sure," Mrs. Hughes replied. "Might we go my parlor, though? I need to fetch something."
"Yes, that might be best anyway," Pippa answered.
They walked toward Mrs. Hughes parlor and Pippa went straight into her questions.
"I know you've always known that Anna is my mother. Did…did you know my father?"
Pippa noted the way Mrs. Hughes face fell into an indiscernible look after the flash of shock went over it.
"Why do you want to know?" Her words were curt.
"Because he's my father," Pippa said. "I need to know who he is. Why he didn't want me? What made him so bad?"
Mrs. Hughes inhaled and exhaled before answering. "I'm afraid I can't answer any of that, Pippa. And I suggest you don't go asking questions you don't need to know the answers to. Not yet," she added, as Pippa opened her mouth. "Anna and Lady Mary will tell you when the time is right. Somethings are better left unsaid."
Pippa huffed. So Mrs. Hughes wasn't going to tell her either.
"Does he even know I exist?" Pippa had to ask. He could be out there and not know a thing about her.
"No," Mrs. Hughes quietly said. "He did not know of your existence." Mrs. Hughes gathered Pippa's hands into hers. "Anna and Lady Mary both love you very much. Trust that they are protecting you, Pippa."
Pippa twisted her lips.
"Could he come back and hurt me? Hurt Anna?"
Mrs. Hughes shook her head, "No, dear. He's long gone. Now, go on upstairs and I'll have someone fetch you when Anna has returned."
Pippa exited Mrs. Hughes' parlor and made her way back upstairs. She mused on what Mrs. Hughes had said, wondering what she meant by all of it. She was especially stuck on the words 'he's long gone'. Did that mean her father was dead?
-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-
"Perfect fit," Anna said, buttoning the top button on Pippa's dress. There had been a large tear from when Pippa had been climbing on a tree. Apparently her fall just months prior had not deterred her from still being adventurous. While the climbing made Anna nervous, it also made her proud. Her daughter wasn't one to just give up on something; no she would keep going no matter how perilous it might be.
"Thank you, Anna," Pippa sincerely said. "How did you learn how to sew?"
"My mum," Anna answered, furrowing her brows slightly as she tucked up a stray hair of Pippa's hair.
"Could you teach me?"
"You want to learn?" Anna was surprised. Pippa was more into reading books where she could gain knowledge or outdoor activities like climbing and riding. Pippa and Mary's favorite thing to do together was to go out and ride the horses. She hadn't expected Pippa to want to do a task that could easily be done for her.
"I do. It could be a good skill to know when I am older. I plan on traveling a lot," Pippa explained.
"Of course, you are. I will absolutely teach you."
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When Mary entered her bedroom that afternoon, she was surprised to find Pippa laying across her bed. She was reading a book, resting up on her elbows and not even bothered as she came inside.
"Why are you in my bedroom?" Mary asked her daughter. Pippa placed her bookmark in its spot, before sliding her feet around her so that she was now sitting up. Her eyes met Mary's, before checking to make sure that the door was closed.
"I was speaking with Mrs. Hughes," Pippa started, "And she said something…."
"About what?" Mary shook her head, slightly irritated. She had a big meeting in just a little while and didn't have time for Pippa's games.
"My father."
That gave Mary pause. She turned quickly toward Pippa and took in a deep breath.
"Why would you do that?" Mary asked. "You can't just go around asking anybody about that! Don't you realize what you could bring up!?" Mary's heart was racing in her chest. Anna couldn't know about this. If it got out, it would kill her.
"I know that Mrs. Hughes knows that Anna is my mother," Pippa simply answered, not unnerved by Mary's upset. "I wouldn't just ask anyone. I know we have to keep that a secret. I don't want to hurt Anna."
"Then don't ask questions!" Mary said between clinched teeth. "Just leave it alone."
Pippa crossed her arms sourly over her chest, as her lower lip pouted out slightly. It wasn't a defeated pout, though, more of an angry one.
"Is he dead?"
"Who?"
"My father."
"Yes, thankfully," Mary answered. That she could tell Pippa and only that.
"I thought he might be. Mrs. Hughes wouldn't tell me anything though, so don't worry. But I have a right to know. He is my father."
"No, no you don't," Mary disagreed, shaking her head. "I raised you! Anna raised you! He is no one. And you need to let it go."
"God, I hate you!" Pippa yelled, standing from the bed. Mary inhaled sharply.
"Fine, hate me," she bit.
Pippa turned on her heels and quickly left the room.
Mary went to sink down in her chair, but she saw Anna entering the room. Her eyes were wide.
"What was that all about? I heard yelling."
"Nothing you need to worry about," Mary attempted to brush off. She knew how much this was truly affecting Anna. The nightmares had come back full force, even though Anna was trying to hide them from her. And there were moments that Anna would jump or flinch if someone accidently brushed against her. It was coming back in harsh waves to her. Mary didn't want to add to any of that. It was why she had reacted so strongly to Pippa mentioning speaking about it to someone outside of her and Anna. While Mrs. Hughes was safe, it didn't mean the next person she asked would be.
"It was about her father, wasn't it?" Anna saw right through her. Mary had to nod. She couldn't lie directly to her. "We're going to have to tell her."
"What? No, no we don't. We talked about this," Mary made her way over toward Anna, placing her hands on her upper arms lovingly. "She's not ready to know. Her curiosity will wane when she realizes we won't tell her anything. The only other person in the house that knows is Mrs. Hughes and she wouldn't tell a soul."
"I'm not sure…" Anna was shaking her head.
"Darling, we will tell her. We will. She's just far too young to carry that knowledge. It's not something we can take back once it's said out loud."
A tear slid down Anna's cheek. "I know."
"Come here," Mary pulled her close. "I promise. It will all work out the way it is supposed to."
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Pippa sat down angrily on her bed and huffed. What did Mary know anyway? She knew who her father and mother were and her sisters. For all Pippa knew, she had other siblings out in the world or even grandparents or aunts and uncles. It wasn't fair.
But then the words she shouted at Mary filled her head and she sighed. She hadn't meant them. They were far too harsh.
Stubbornly, she wanted to stay put and stew in her anger. But this other part of her, the part that Mary told her often came from Anna, knew she needed to go and apologize. Slowly she stood herself back up and sighed. For a moment, she held herself back, but she couldn't do it. She needed to tell Mary she was sorry. Because she really hadn't meant it.
She knocked on Mary's door.
"Come in."
Pippa pushed the door opened and Mary met her eyes through her vanity mirror.
"You know, I didn't mean those words. I…I don't hate you. I'm sorry."
Mary's face softened.
"I know, darling. It's alright. I forgive you."
Pippa felt a weight off her shoulders.
"Do I have to go to dinner tonight?"
"Yes, you do," Mary told her, giving her a wink. "But I tell you what, you don't tomorrow. Perhaps, you and Anna could go out somewhere together."
"But how? Won't people wonder why I'm going out alone with your lady's maid?"
"I'll handle it. Now go and get ready for dinner, Pippa."
Pippa gave Mary a smile, before closing the door.
Summer 1971
Pippa found her mother sitting on the settee by the window with a book in her hands. Her eyes searched for her mama and found that she was sleeping on the bed they had placed in the room.
Quietly, Pippa went to sit next to Mary. She glanced over at the book and smiled.
"Are you enjoying it?" Pippa asked her.
"As much as I can get through," Mary honestly replied.
"How's Mama doing today?"
Mary frowned. "She's been very tired. You know sometimes I worry that I will leave her behind and then days like today I worry she'll leave me behind."
"Mother…"
"I'm alright," she promised, forcing a smile on her lips. "She and I have had many great years together, Pippa."
"And would you do it all again? Including raising me?" Pippa asked.
"Oh my darling girl, absolutely."
"Even when I was a stubborn child that drove you to your wits end?" Pippa chuckled slightly.
"Especially then. It kept me on my toes." Mary smiled. Her hand reached out to touch Pippa's cheek. "You and your brothers are our greatest gifts. We have always been so grateful for each and every one of you."
To be continued...
