As always, thank you so much!
Chapter 58
1930s – Downton Abbey
Mary awoke feeling unsettled. All night, her mind had gone over and over her row with Anna until she finally fell into a fitful sleep. She turned to one side and then another, trying to rest some more. She was exhausted.
Finally, giving up, she sat herself up. She reached for the bell, hoping that Anna would come up right away and they could discuss what had happened the night before. Clearly Anna had misunderstood her. Mary did not think of herself as Anna's superior. She loved Anna. Certainly, she must know that.
Yes, when Anna arrived, they would have a nice, civil discussion. Anna would then understand that she had misunderstood Mary and that Mary only wanted what was best for both her and Pippa.
However, her door opened and Mary looked up to see Mrs. Hughes carrying her tray. She frowned.
"Where's Anna?"
"I don't know," Mrs. Hughes answered. "I haven't seen her all morning."
"Oh," Mary furrowed her brows. Sometimes Mrs. Hughes or another maid had come up instead of Anna. Mrs. Hughes had given strict instruction by Mary to never bother Anna if she was unavailable to do her job. Not that Anna had ever taken advantage of that. In fact, this might have been the first time she had. Every other time, she had been busy with the children. Mary doubted that was the case now. "Thank you, Mrs. Hughes."
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When Mrs. Hughes sat down at the table, she was glad to see Anna approaching. She was dressed in her everyday uniform, but her shoulders squared and jaw tight.
"Oh Anna, there you are. Is everything alright?"
"Hum?" Anna was slightly distracted. She realized what Mrs. Hughes said a beat later and gave a tight smile. "Oh yes, everything is fine."
Lady Mary's bell rang, saying she was ready to be changed. Mrs. Hughes watched as Anna slowly turned to look at the bell and then turned back. She didn't make one movement to get up to go upstairs toward Lady Mary's room.
"Anna?" Mrs. Hughes said.
"Oh, could you possibly go to Lady Mary's bedroom? I am awfully busy today," Anna then said. Her eyes were on the table before then.
"Um….."
"Wait," Anna looked up. "Don't go up. She can dress herself."
And just like that, Anna got up from the table and hurried away. Mrs. Hughes fell back slightly in her chair. What on earth was all of that about?
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Anna somehow ended up in the boot room polishing shoes. She had been avoiding Mary all morning. The anger from their fight was still boiling over. How dare Mary tell her what she could and could not do? She was an adult. She could make these types of decisions.
She was scrubbing so harshly that the shoe flew out of her hand and onto the floor. She heavily sighed. Then she heard a laugh. Glancing up, she saw Pippa in the doorway. Pippa bent down to lift the shoe and hand it back to Anna.
"You never came upstairs today," Pippa casually stated.
"Oh, sorry about that. I'm just a bit busy."
"Yes, well, Mary…."
"Tell her she can do her own hair," Anna bit. Great, now Mary was sending Pippa to do her bidding? Anna knew Mary had that important meeting in town in an hour, but Mary could manage a simple hairstyle that would still look nice. She didn't have to have Anna do her hair.
"Um," Pippa gave her a curious glance. "Alright…is everything alright, Mama?"
Being called Mama still warmed Anna's heart, and it eased some of the anger simmering beneath the surface. She glanced up at Pippa and smiled.
"Yes, I'm fine. I am just very busy."
"Oh, alright. I'll get back upstairs then and not bother you anymore."
Like a flash, Pippa was gone. Anna deflated. She hadn't meant to send Pippa away. She enjoyed all the time she got to spend with her daughter, especially now that she knew the truth. In these moments of just the two of them, they finally got to become mother and daughter.
She sighed. Then she went back to cleaning the shoes.
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Mary fumbled with the clip, nearly cursing when it flew out of her hair. Leave it to today for Anna to be angry with her and refuse to come upstairs. Her meeting was before lunchtime and she would have to manage making herself look decent enough.
She hated days like today. The meeting was more than just a precedent of what to expect in the future. To be honest, meetings like these bored her. She couldn't wait for the day when George could take over and she could remain back. Though a large part of her doubted she would easily hand over the reins. Downton Abbey had become so much a part of her. She would never be able to leave it. It was her home, her family.
"You look nice," Pippa said, walking into Mary's bedroom and taking a seat on the bench in front of the vanity.
It took Mary back to when Pippa was a young little girl, playing with her jewelry and make-up. Sometimes, she missed it. She missed when the children were little.
"So, what did you do to Mama?" Pippa then asked, turning back around.
"What was that?" Mary questioned, quirking her lips.
"Why are you two fighting?"
"Who says we are fighting?" Mary asked.
"Mama hasn't been upstairs all morning. When I asked her about you, she told me to do your own hair," Pippa said, raising her brows.
Mary shook her head. "I don't know what you are talking about."
"Whatever you did, you need to fix it," Pippa added.
"Me? Who says it was me?"
"Mama is never contrary. That's you. You know, like the nursery rhyme."
Mary rolled her eyes and took in a deep breath, "Alright. That's enough, shouldn't you be somewhere? Doing something? Go bother Mr. Barrow or something."
It was Pippa's turn to roll her eyes. She got up from the bench and made her way to the door, before turning back to Mary and getting serious.
"You and Mama will be alright, right?"
"Of course we will. We love one another. Sometimes people argue," Mary winked.
"Well, you better fix it."
Mary sighed, "Go, now. Bother someone else."
Pippa shrugged and skipped out of the room.
Once her daughter left, Mary shut the door and turned back to look at herself in the mirror. Part of her wanted to go downstairs and force Anna to speak with her now. But she knew she had somewhere to go. And perhaps it was best to give Anna some space and some time to allow that anger to fade some. She needed to realize that she had overreacted. Yes, she would give her a bit more time.
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Another day passed and Mary was growing inpatient. Sure, one day to cool off made sense, but now another? Whenever Mary went searching for Anna, it appeared she had disappeared. She partly wanted to ring her bell every half hour so that eventually Anna would have to be the one to come up. But she didn't want to cause any issues for Anna, and so she didn't.
They would take the boys back to the train station tomorrow. Anna would have to face her then. When she asked George, Johnny, or Pippa after her, they all just said she was very busy. And Pippa would add that she better fix whatever had happened.
"Lady Mary?" A voice called, making her turn. She saw it was Mrs. Hughes.
"Yes, Mrs. Hughes?"
"Might we talk?" Mrs. Hughes eyed her bedroom door. Mary smiled.
"Of course." The two of them walked into her room, and Mary closed the door. "Now, what is it?"
"Well, I retire in a couple of weeks."
"Yes, I know."
"And will things with Anna be settled by then?"
"I'm not sure what you mean by that, Mrs. Hughes," Mary lied. "Has…has Anna said anything to you?"
"No," Mrs. Hughes answered. "She hasn't. I don't like to meddle in your business. I am just making sure you two will be alright."
"Of course we will, Mrs. Hughes."
"Would you like to speak with me about what is going on?" Mary could tell that Mrs. Hughes was uncomfortable with her own question.
"No, I'll let Anna tell you if she wishes, but we will settle it. Not to worry."
"Alright, thank you, m'lady."
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"You can't hide away forever, Anna," Mrs. Hughes said, entering the boot room. It was where Anna had been spending most of her time lately. She glanced up from the shoe and dropped the brush. "Would you like to talk about it?"
Anna seemed to ponder this question. She sighed and then twisted her lips slightly.
"I have decided to look into information about Alex Green," Anna stated. She puffed up her chest slightly in a way to show that she was sure of this.
"What?" Mrs. Hughes breathed. "But why?"
"Pippa wants to know who her father is. I'm trying to learn a little about who he was so I can tell her."
Mrs. Hughes furrowed her brows. "Anna, I don't think…"
"It's important that I do this, Mrs. Hughes. I need things to tell Pippa."
"He is nothing to her, Anna," Mrs. Hughes tried to show reason. "Just because he fathered her doesn't mean that he is her father."
Anna tightened her hands together.
"You sound just like Lady Mary."
Mrs. Hughes never thought she would hear those words.
"She thinks she can tell me what to do," Anna then added, pursing her lips tightly. "She tried to forbid me from searching anything about Alex Green."
"Forbid you?" Mrs. Hughes asked, incredulous. That did not sound like Anna or Lady Mary's relationship at all.
"Well, not those words exactly," Anna uneasily stated, sighing.
"Anna, Lady Mary had treated you as her equal and her…..partner for over a decade. I have seen her love for you with my own eyes. I don't believe she's trying to outrank you here, dear. I think she's just trying to protect you and Pippa. And I have to say, I agree with her."
Anna's eyes cut to her.
"Anna, there is nothing to find for Pippa. He is not her father, not where it counts."
"You just….don't understand…" Anna said, dropping the shoe from her hand and quickly passing Mrs. Hughes to leave the room.
Mrs. Hughes sighed. Well, that went about as well as she should have expected.
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Finally, Mary spotted Anna outside. She quickly made her way out the back door and walked to where Anna was in the gardens. As soon as Anna spotted her, she turned away and walked further away from the house. Mary only hastened her steps.
When they were far enough from the Abbey that no one could hear them, Mary called after her.
"Anna! Anna!" Anna just kept walking away, making Mary huff. "Anna! Ugh! You are so stubborn."
That made Anna pause her steps. She turned to Mary and took in a deep breath.
"I'm stubborn!? You're the stubborn one."
Something about the stubborn way Anna was standing with her arms crossed over her chest and her voice sounding so petulant made Mary laugh.
"Oh, is that so?"
Anna just knitted her brows.
"Anna, you cannot keep avoiding me. I've missed you in my bed," Mary then said, walking closer toward her. Anna dropped her arms and then rubbed her hands together.
"I'm going to do this, Mary," Anna said. "I am going to learn some good things about Alex Green."
"Good things?" Mary shook her head. "What good things could there possibly be about that vile man?"
"I don't know," Anna shuddered. "But there has to be something that I can tell Pippa."
"But why?" Mary asked, not understanding. "What do you think you might find? That he saved a cat from a tree or was a choirboy?"
"Maybe," Anna said, biting down on her lower lip. "I need something normal to tell her about him."
Mary sighed. She took a few steps forward. Her hands clasped around Anna's and she gave them a loving and comforting squeeze.
"Can you tell me why you need this?"
"Because," Anna blinked, and it was then that Mary saw the tears shining in Anna's eyes. "Because I need something so that when she learns the truth, there is something about him that wasn't evil. So she….so she doesn't think she harbors any of that…." Anna swallowed hard.
Mary frowned slightly.
"Darling, I think we've raised Pippa independent enough that she'll know just because that monster fathered her. He has nothing to do with who she is. I know this is tough for you, but….giving that man more credit than he is due isn't necessary. I'm sure of it."
"But you don't understand," Anna cried. A tear slipped down her cheek.
"Try to explain it to me," Mary soothed.
"That….that day…." Anna's body shook. "He took something from me….some control that I can never get back, no matter how I try. And now, I can't even control this information for Pippa. I can't… I can't protect her from who her father is."
"So, this search is to help gain back some of that control?" Mary was trying to understand. Anna nodded. "Oh, Anna."
She moved forward slightly and kissed Anna on the lips. It was a gentle, loving kiss. She didn't want to do any more than provide Anna with comfort. But Anna kissed back passionately, pushing her back against a tree. Mary moaned, content.
"Oh, I missed this," Mary said against Anna's ear, as Anna's hands ran up her sides. Mary turned them so that Anna was the one up against the tree. "You'll need it," Mary winked, "for support."
"Here!? What if someone finds us?"
"They won't," Mary promised. "We're far enough from the house."
"But it's cold. There is snow on the ground."
"I'll warm you up," Mary saucily told her. "You don't even have to get undressed. I can slip perfectly between your legs."
Anna bit down on her lower lip.
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After their moment in the woods, Anna had gone back to work and Mary back to her regular day. They ate with the boys and Pippa in a small, picnic style meal in the library, since it was much too cold to eat outside for dinner. It had been a lovely meal and Anna was glad she and Mary had made up so they could have this evening with the boys before they headed back to school in the morning.
Then that night, they made up for the two days away. It had been raw, real, and passionate. Anna's chest heaved from the exertion as she laid in Mary's arms. Mary's hand ran up and down her spine.
"Maybe we should argue more," Mary said, making Anna look up. "What? That was some of the best sex we've had in a long while. Very passionate," she winked.
"I guess there is something to be said about make-up sex," Anna chuckled. Mary ran her hand through Anna's hair before pulling her down for another kiss. Then she met Anna's eyes.
"You know, you can tell me everything that's going on in here," she whispered, touching Anna's temple. "You don't have to keep any of those fears or torments locked up."
"But I do," Anna disagreed, pulling away gently and sitting up. "The cut he left is very deep. It's…well, it's a scar that will never heal."
"Perhaps it could if you told me more about it. Helped me to understand just how you felt, how you feel," Mary said.
Anna shook her head.
"I don't want you to know that burden, Mary. To know just how deep these horrors are that I still have to face, of what he did."
"I can handle it," Mary assured her, adjusting herself so that she was sitting up next to Anna.
"Maybe, but this is how I protect you, Mary. You have your ways of protecting me and I have my ways of protecting you."
Mary's brows furrowed, and she sighed, "I don't need your protection. I just need you to tell me. Let me hold that burden for you."
"No," Anna said once more. "But you being willing to and knowing that if I need to, is enough. You are my strength, Mary."
Anna rested her forehead on Mary's, their hands grasping one another's in front of them.
"The sex wasn't all that great," Anna said a moment later, glancing up and giving a sly smile. Mary made a face.
"What do you mean? It was…." Then she paused, laughing. "Is this your attempt at another fight for round….what number are we on now?" But before she could figure it out, Anna had pushed Mary down, making them both laugh as they explored one another again.
Summer 1971
Mary carefully closed the last letter from the box before placing it inside. She then slid it onto the table beside her and turned toward Anna. It was late at night. The house was quiet. Even the night owl, Violet, had given in to sleep.
Anna opened her eyes and Mary smiled. She touched her cheek and drew her close to press a chaste kiss on her lips.
"Hi," she then whispered, pulling apart.
"Hi. Will you always be here?" Anna asked. Mary touched her cheek.
"Always, darling. I have no intentions of ever leaving." Mary knew it was a silly thing to promise, for she had zero control of when her last moment on this earth would be. However, she would do everything in her power to be here for Anna until the very end.
To be continued...
