All At Once

Summary: A KartikGemma songfic to All At Once by The Fray.

There are certain people you just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her now she's in question

I don't know why I keep thinking of Gemma, why my heart beats so rapidly under my calm complection when I see her. I find myself dreaming of her more often than not. Her lovely white alabaster skin, her beautiful soft red hair, her piercing green eyes...

I have got to stop doing that.

I could easily find another woman. Very easily. Perhaps more beautiful. I know she will never love me. She is English. I am Indian. According to place, I am beneath her. SHe will never see me the way I see her. Never. I need to stop thinking that one day she will. Also, I could never tell her. It won't be right. That's what my mind tells me.

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

But you need to tell her. It may be hard, but it is right. That's what my heart tells me. I don't know which I should listen to. But right now, I am listening to my mind. It has led me out of many situations. I trust it.

I have never used my heart before. I do not know what it is capable of. I do not know if it will hurt me in the end. I am careful to avoid it now.

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

There are many who are much more lovely than she. Many. She dulls in comparison to them. Many girls shine with beauty much brighter than hers. Perhaps one of them will love me. She will not.

Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out

I think about all the women I have seen. Some large, some small, some ugly, some lovely. I line them all up in my mind. My mind points out the other girls, my heart points out Gemma. If she does love me, she will say so. If not, then she will say nothing of the matter.

But perhaps she is holding it in as well. If so, she won't wait for me. But it is more than certain it will take much longer to tell her than I anticipate.

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

My mind and my heart begin to battle again. It is beginning to get tiresome, all this arguing with myself. What is the point?

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come

I begin to realize that all I'm doing is running from what I feel. That's all my mind wants to do. I begin to realize, I do not simply want her, I need her. No one like her will come again. She is who I wish to love.

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

I do not want the pain to be there. If I were to lose her, I would never forgive myself. I would have waited too long. I'm not going to wait any longer.

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you had her, maybe you lost her to another
To another

I should listen to my heart more often.

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First A Great And Terrible Beauty fic. I have not read the second book yet. Be nice.