Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Tactics. They are the property of Kinoshita Sakura and Higashiyama Kazuko.

A/N: Sorry for the lateness of updating, you could say I was pummeled into the dirt, chewed and spitted back out. Daresay several times? XD (J/K) I finally got off my lazy butt to update.

REVISED: August 26, 2010

This one got altered quite a bit near the end. Overly fluffy, bubblegum love crap. Yah, I called it crap. No biggie. LoL XD

Breathe
Chapter 10: The Way I Am
By: LadyYuina

"Go ahead and kill me," Kantarou said, eyes brimming with determination. "Death is nothing to me."

Despite him saying this he was very much afraid. He tried to hide the unmistakable creeping of fear tingling all over his body. The only thing he did not want to do before this woman was to cower and tremble.

"Are you certain?" she questioned, her finger nails digging in ever so slightly. "Are you certain death will not hinder those around you? Even yourself?"

That's right. He had people he needed to live for, and it wouldn't have been right if he chose death so easily . . .

And yet . . .

Kantarou moved his head forward, causing the dark-haired woman's sharp nails to dig deeper into his skin. He winced in pain, though he refused to draw back. She, however, withdrew her hand, and stared at him intently.

"I can't kill you yet; your purpose has not been fulfilled. You've really grown. Monk Nanao would have been proud of you." She stood up, and the ominous weight Kantarou hadn't realized was holding him down was at last lifted. "However, I really do pity you. You remind me of a lost child."

Sitting up and ignoring her last statement, he declared, "you are Dirina! How else would you know monk Nanao! He even mentioned you in my story! What are you trying to accomplish!" Dirina began to walk away. "You hurt Haruka! Tell me why!"

"All answers shall come to you in time . . ." A few seconds later. "I'm so sorry, Kantarou."

She vanished before Kantarou could catch up to her. The spiritualist halted in his tracks, confused by the odd reaction Dirina was showing just before in response; the person who answered him didn't sound like her at all . . .

"Now, you shall die."

A voice reminiscent to Dirina's, yet it was more forceful and gruff came forth, and it echoed all around him. He couldn't recall, but he'd definitely heard all the voices at another time . . . Perhaps once if not more.

Snarling made Kantarou turn around.

"Ichi?"

The pure white dog bared her canine fangs, getting ready to pounce on her own Master. Kantarou had never seen so much hatred in her eyes.

"What's the matter, Ichi? Don't you recognize me? It's Kantarou. I'm not a enemy . . ."

He almost didn't have time to react as Ichi lunged at him, almost biting into his left shoulder. Standing up from his ducked position, he ran towards the tombs to put some obstacles around himself for Ichi to try and maneuver. He didn't make it very far; the white dog jumped on him, forcing him to slam face first onto Suzu's tomb. Blood leaked from his nose and mouth. Ichi was now viciously biting and scratching him with her teeth and nails, Kantarou's backside was vulnerable to her attacks.

Am I going to die . . .?


"Where's Kan-chan?" Youko looked this way and that. "I thought he was with you so I came here." (Referring to Haruka's bedroom).

"He left a while ago. Said he wanted to go take a walk with Ichi."

"Ah, I see. Um . . . Well, when do you think Kan-chan will be back, Haruka?" she asked. "Reiko's going to be here in a bit; I think she's going to freak if we tell her Kan-chan isn't in."

"Then maybe I should go look for him."

Youko frowned. "But you're injured. I should go instead."

"No, I'll go. I'm a whole lot more sturdier than I look, you know."

"Well fine, if you insist. But if Kantarou gets mad then you're taking all the blame."

Meanwhile . . .

Kantarou fought with all his might against Ichi, trying his best to avoid her hungry fangs wanting to tear at his flesh. His back was already badly mauled, and the pain worsened with the hard slab of stone brushing against him as he struggled. Even in the midst of all this he felt horrible, for it was as if he was desecrating Suzu's grave with his blood. Kantarou fought back tears; there was no time to cry, only time to wildly cling onto his life.

"Kantarou!" The spiritualist's eyes widened. "Kantarou, I'm coming!"

It was Haruka's voice and it only took him a moment to see how enraged the Tengu had become. He knew he was going to attack Ichi. He knew Ichi was going to get killed if he didn't do something about it, but there was absolutely nothing he could do. It made him feel helpless.

"Haruka, don't!" Kantarou yelled.

It was too late; it was instantaneous - Ichi's weight was lifted and taken off of him and a second later he heard pained cries from the dog. He shut his eyes as he tried to drown them out. The only thing forcing him to open then was when he felt something warm drop onto his face. Tears?

"Haruka?"

He stared into the Tengu's eyes, and for a lingering moment he knew he wasn't there. Completely blanking out, the Tengu's tears were simply falling from his eyes as he stared at his bloodied hands.

"Kantarou," Haruka finall choked out. "I . . . I didn't meant to."

For that one instant he hadn't realized what he had done; his body was moving of its own and accord and it was as if he was someone else entirely. He had no recollection of the attack - no remembering of the sensations which went through his body.

And Kantarou looked to the side to see Ichi's still form lying on the grass. It stirred him up, made his eyes water . . . He quickly latched onto Haruka and cried.

Haruka clung onto him as well, with his own tears pouring down all the more.

"I'm so sorry, Kantarou. I really am." A thought of Kantarou now rejecting him seemed quite likely and it scared him. "I . . . She was attacking you . . . Before I realized what I had done she's . . . I'm really sorry."

Kantarou continued to cry without so much as a whisper of an answer.


Youko was worried sick when the bloody duo came home. Exasperated, she asked them what happened, and once again Kantarou remained tight-lipped about everything. Haruka, too (as usual). This was how they were, and it was usually in her best interests that she didn't know. However, Kantarou could feel an argument working itself up.

"I've about had it to here with you two!" Youko pointed to her chest, displaying that she was hurt emotionally. "I thought we've been through this once already! Wasn't that enough! Is it because I'm a girl that I can't know! Is it because you think I won't be able to handle it! Am I being too nosy! Well, tough luck guys, that's the way I am! I'm just worried sick all the time when you two leave and come back looking so beat up!"

Both of the men remained silent, and Youko continued to look at them, eyes ablaze with anger. It didn't take her long to notice Kantarou's eyes were red and puffy. She went up to him and cupped a hand to his cheek, and a bittersweet smile broke out on her face.

"Come on, let's get you two cleaned up."

From here on in, Kantarou could sense a change in himself; not quite physically but emotionally. He didn't show it though, and tried his best to not let himself to be found out. The only relief he found from this whole mess was spending time on the roof with his favorite Tengu, Haruka. That, in itself, brought him peace of mind.

The life of his story had also progressed greatly . . .

It took a week or two, but Kantarou found himself returning to Suzu's gravesite to clean off his blood. His unclean blood didn't deserve to color the child's tomb; in fact, it didn't deserve to cover anyone's with the sickly red stain. As a sort of compensation for what happened, he found himself bringing the fox youkai along and together, they cleaned. It didn't come off as much as they tried, which saddened the spiritualist greatly. Afterward, he chanted a prayer to her, asking for her forgiveness.

He was slowly wearing himself down.

How troublesome.

That was the way he was . . .


"Up here again, I see."

"Sit," Haruka said. "We need to talk."

Kantarou froze for a moment, thinking he had been found out, but upon closer inspection it was clear that was not the case. Letting out a nervous laugh, he couldn't help asking, "what do you need to talk to me about?"

"About you and I. Us."

"What about us?"

"Back then," Kantarou could see the slow creeping flush coming onto the Tengu's face, "when I kissed you . . . You didn't hate it, did you?"

Now Kantarou could feel his own cheeks heating up. "How can you ask me that!"

"I need an answer. Seriously, I do." Haruka sat up, staring at his Master intently. "I love you, Kantarou. For longest time, I've harbored this deep feeling for you. It's come to my attention, and I can no longer hold it in. All I want to know is if you feel the same way."

"Wait, wait, wait . . . Wait, this is all too sudden! And since when have you become so straightforward!"

"Ah, geeze, Kan-chan, just admit it already!"

"Youko!" Kantarou gasped.

"Yeah, I was listening. So what?" she combated, coming out from her hiding place (which consisted of standing on the ladder hidden from view).

"Did you put Haruka up to this?" was his automatic question. "He . . . He wouldn't . . ."

"Simply put. He likes you. You like him. This is called mutual attraction, and don't think I don't know what I am talking about. Lately, you seem to be kinda loopy, ya know?"

He sweat dropped. "Loopy?"

"Like a love-sick puppy, is what I'm trying to say. But now that's it's out in the open, it's a good thing. You two can openly express your love for one another; I already know so there's no need to be secretive about anything anymore."

"That's . . ."

"No need to explain yourself. As a matter of fact, I have some errands to run. I'll leave you two alone now."

Kantarou sighed, burying his head in his hands. "Haruka, did she put you up to this?"

"Not exactly, but she gave me the idea. I hadn't realized she had such persuasion power."

"Tell me about it . . ."

"Kantarou."

"Yeah?"

"May I kiss you?"

Going wide-eyed, Kantarou buried his hands even further into his hands. "That again! Would it kill you if I said no?"

"So it's a no then?"

"Ah, well . . ." He recalled the kiss, remembered the sensations that ran through him, and it was nothing short but very pleasant. "Not exactly . . . Geeze, you're making me feel all embarrassed!"

"I want to kiss you. May I, Kantarou?"

The tone of Haruka's voice was alluring, and Kantarou couldn't help but feel attracted to it. As hard as he tried to dispel such a preposterous thing, he found he couldn't. Deep down, his fascination with Tengus was considered as a form of devotion, even love, if one would like to put it that way. And now . . . Having the privilege to be with one, live with one, to eat, sleep, and breathe beside one.

Deep down, Kantarou was elated.

Slowly, he raised his head and motioned for the Tengu to come closer. They locked lips, and this time Kantarou felt more self-assured than he ever had in his entire life. The worries and mental stress of the past two weeks seemed to melt away, only to be replaced with this wonderful sense of blissful warmth. Ichi's death. Haruka's apology. His blood staining Suzu's grave. Dirina's connection to monk Nanao. The vague memory of a woman from his past.

Time lies to oneself.

Yet, at least for now, Kantarou didn't have to think about it.

Chapter 10: END