"Grief is forever, it doesn't go away; it becomes a part of you, step by step and breath for breath."

CHAPTER FOUR


Toshiko woke up far before the sun had even started to rise over the woods and mountain range that surrounded Konoha. The first thing she noticed as she slowly came too was just how tired she still felt, despite the fact she had slept for hours, having had went to bed immediately after she and her brothers and cousins— and cousins' children —had all come home from Yakiniku Q.

The second thing she noticed was just how small her childhood bed was; perhaps when she was twelve she'd had more then enough room to do whatever she'd wanted but at twenty-six and with Masshu was curled up by her feet atop of the covers Toshiko had buried herself under after coming home the night before, Toshiko found herself practically falling off the mattress.

The third and final thing Toshiko noticed after having fully woken up under the blanket of darkness that covered her room was how much her chest hurt. She missed her grand uncle. Over the course of her time under her grand uncles care Madara had gone from the weirdo relative that had taken her and Sasuke in— due to the immense guilt he felt over having abandoned his youngest brother to being like a second father to her.

Then there was Shikamaru and his ring.

His complicated story.

Why did he have to break her heart every time she saw him? That first time after he came back to Konoha— her last time stepping foot inside the village —and the night before. Would Toshiko see him another handful of times over the courses of their lives only to have her heart ripped out over and over again by him? And would he always look so amazing when he did rip her heart out?

Would his ring always be glittering when he did so; mocking her? Taunting her, reminding her that chapter of her life had ended, no matter how much she wished differently?

Toshiko sat up, grabbing the stuffed dinosaur she'd cherished throughout her childhood from the corner of the bed she'd shoved him into, and brought him up to her chest. Toshiko buried her face into the top of the stuffed dinosaurs head and inhaled the sent of dust and old fabric.

Everything had been easier when she'd been a child, back before she had started talking again. Back then her only problems ranged from slightly too hard math problems to trying to unmask Kakashi with the rest of her and her brothers' friends.

Sighing, Toshiko set her old stuffed friend back to the side and slid her feet out from under the covers and away from Masshu. The Chow Chow's only response was to sleepily spread out across the tiny mattress; quietly Toshiko grabbed the robe that had long ago been hung up on the back of her bedroom door and wrapped it around herself before she crept down the staircase, pausing between the second staircase and the second floor.

She eyed her grand uncles door; it was closest to the staircase. Toshiko's grand uncle Madara had always told her that before he left home, when he had been growing up, he had lived on the top floor with his youngest brother Izuna and that the only reason he had chose a room closest to the staircase— his parents old room —was because during his teenage years Obito's father had a nasty habit of sneaking out and that way he could always catch the then young Taro trying to either sneak out, or sneak back in.

Toshiko blinked at the door.

Now that Madara was gone who would now live in his room? It almost felt wrong to think of someone else like Hideko or Daki coming and going from the room; of someone else's things being in there. That was her grand uncles room.

She turned. Tying the robe's rope tightly around her waist Toshiko continued on in her decent downstairs, not stopping to marvel at or think of something else, until she was standing in the doorway leading to the back of the Uchiha's ancestral home. The cool early morning air hit Toshiko's skin with a sharp breath of air.

Ōoji-san, Toshiko thought staring at the post her grand uncle would lean against when he would sit on the back porch, Would sit right there. Just like soba noodles were her grand uncles food, that spot next to the post was Madara's spot.

Toshiko, on wobbly knees, walked over to the spout and sat next to it. It felt odd to sit there without her grand uncles arm brushing up against hers; weird to know that if she slid over into her uncles spot no one would come out and scold her for it because that was their spot.

Because Uchiha Madara was dead meaning that spot wasn't anyone's, it was just that. A spot.

Toshiko, as she sucked in another breath bit her bottom lip as she tried to steady her hammering heart. She felt the beginnings of tears start to quell up in the corners of her eyes.

She hadn't told Madara that he was like a second father to her. Sure she'd given him fathers day gifts but never had Toshiko actually told her grand uncle how she saw him. She'd never be able to. Toshiko's shoulders began to shake. She knew Madara had been old, that no one could live forever but hadn't she and her brothers and cousins all lost enough?

Couldn't they have been spared a couple of more years?

A twig broke from somewhere around the forests tree line and Toshiko's head shot up from it's bowed position. Her watery eyes narrowed and thought it was dark she could make out a figure amongst the hiba tree trunks. It was large— Toshiko stood up, her left hand gripping the post her grand uncle had so often leaned against —not human.

For a split second— as Toshiko leaned forward —an almost childish feeling of hope, one Toshiko could remember having felt before, washed over her. Her grand uncles words rang out inside of her head; The forest is guarded by ancient spirits. There's a reason it's stayed standing for so long-uncut, untouched by man.

Toshiko forgot how to breathe when the shadowy figure moved forward, out from the darkness that was the forest and into the early morning light. It wasn't a ghost; just as the familiar sense of childish hope had washed over her the icy tendrils of reality Toshiko knew all so well gripped her tightly and shook her out her hopeful state and back down to Earth.

It was a deer. A stag. An almost painfully familiar stag.

"No way," Toshiko breathed in disbelief. Osamu was old for a sika deer; while most only lived for eighteen or so years at nearly twenty-two the stag was still galloping throughout the forest. Toshiko stepped off the back porch and into the grass; slowly as not to frighten the deer.

At a molasses like pace Toshiko walked up to the deer, just as she had done twenty years before. While Osamu still towered over her and his antlers still branched out several feet his fur had dulled in color; though Toshiko supposed that the lackluster color of the deer's fur could just have been due to the fact the sun hadn't yet risen and the only real light was still the crescent moon.

"Hey," Toshiko said softly, she brought her hand up for Osamu to smell only for the stag to not waste any time by planting his nose into her palm and nuzzling it. "It's good to see you too Old Man."

Almost as if Osamu could understand her his eyes flashed humorlessly at the affectionate nickname.

"Right," Toshiko muttered looking away; she pressed her lips together and rolled them inwards, her eyebrows moved upwards. Moving on, she thought, as her moved her hand away from Osamu's nose to his neck. His fur still reminded her of dry and brittle hay. "How have you been? Meet any new does while I've been away?"

When she'd been sixteen— before her and Shikamaru had broken up; before he had broken her heart and left her —she had helped Shikamaru's father deliver a fawn that belonged to Osamu's herd. The doe had been in pain and the fawn had been breach but in the end it had all worked out; Shikaku, Shikamaru's father, had slapped her on the shoulder and told her how proud of her he was for staying calm and helping him deliver the fawn.

Not for the first time since she Shikamaru had been apart was Toshiko reminded it wasn't just a boyfriend she lost. Toshiko scrunched her nose; she'd lost her best friend the day Shikamaru had broken up with her. Her second family; back then Yoshiko and Shikaku had told she could still come around— that she would always be like a daughter to them—but how could she when she would be reminded of nothing but Shikamaru?

Osamu of course didn't reply, though the stag did raise it's head so that Toshiko could much more easily scratch at his neck.

"Yeah," she nodded, "I haven't found someone else for myself either. But it's okay," she said, her voice cracking, "It just means I have more time to work. To find Justice for the people who need it and all that."

When Toshiko had chosen law as her career she hadn't wanted to work as a prosecutor, she wanted to be a defense attorney, one who helped the poor and disenfranchised when Johnny Law decided to shine his light on them. She wanted to do good; with how the system had been set up for the little man to fail— guilty until proven otherwise —innocent people were sent to prison each day and she had never wanted to be a part of that but you didn't make the connections needed to stop a broken system in the Legal Aid.

It was why— in hopes of making as many connections as she would need when she opened up her own firm —when a position in the Fukuoka prosecutors office open she'd taken it. Toshiko liked to hope she wasn't; she knew part of the reason she spent so much time at the office was because she tripled checked every case to make sure that the officers who'd made the arrest hadn't forced any confession that'd been given or put certain evidence in the wrong light, making it seem more or less then what it was.

"Besides it's not like I haven't been asked out or anything. My neighbor Samui has a brother she's been trying to fix me up with, I just don't want to. I could though-go on a date," Toshiko said. "I just—" Shikamaru's face flashed through the forefront of Toshiko's mind. His ring.

Pathetic, she couldn't help but think. She'd listened to her brothers talking one rare night they hadn't been fighting. At the time Sasuke thought had thought five years romantic celibacy was Sad and Concerning. She could only imagine what he thought of a decade.

"—I just have better things to do." The half-lie felt heavier on her tongue then it had any right to be; meeting the right people— making the connections she would need one day —that was all important work. Her work was important, and perhaps if she was a no-nonsense go getter like her brothers were and not the bleeding heart romantic she'd been born as Toshiko could truly believe her words.

But she had been born a romantic. She still dreamed of a long wedding veil and sponge cake and her brothers leading her down the isle arm in arm. She still wanted to find love.

Wouldn't be so adverse to finding it— despite wanting nothing more then it —if the very thought of waking up to someone who wasn't her childhood friend didn't make her stomach twist.

Toshiko brows bunched together.

"I bet you really like her-Shika's wife. Bet she's really pretty." Toshiko wondered if it was that girl she'd met years ago, Temari. She'd been beautiful, and according to TenTen who'd become fast friends with her, Kickass. Smart too if Shikamaru had been dating her; an all around catch if he had married her.

Osmau lowered his head, his nose brushed against Toshiko's cheek. Toshiko felt wet smear against her skin and she jerked back, away from the stag. Her hand left his neck and went to her cheek, only to find— when she had pulled it away from her face —tears.

She'd been crying again, and she hadn't even noticed.

Toshiko let out a hallow chuckle only to cut it short when Osamu moved backwards; he went to turn only to pause. The Nara deer had always been expressive— Osamu had always acted more person then animal —but Toshiko could have sworn there was a questioning look in Osamu's eyes; like he was asking if she would follow.

She took two steps back.

As a child she'd followed into the forest without a second thought. Gotten lost and nearly broke her neck and Shikamaru's ribs all while looking for ghosts and while that hadn't been the last time she had been in the forest— she knew the land between the house and the Nara's like the back of her hand —she couldn't go with him.

Osamu blew a huff of hair out of his nostrils and stamped his feet once. Toshiko looked apologetically at the stag.

Shikamaru was twenty-eight, nearly thirty, it wasn't even light out; she wouldn't see him, and while Toshiko could grab her shoes from the front of the house and be back outside before the stag disappeared into the trees Toshiko couldn't go. Because while she wouldn't see Shikamaru she'd still be surrounded by memories of him. And if she was ever going to grow up and move on like her brothers and cousins all wanted being the forest wouldn't help her do that.

Her grand uncle Madara had always said she didn't have to move on if she didn't want to. That she was allowed to feel what she felt and go at her own pace, least she make some kind of mistake and regret it for the rest of her life.

Toshiko spun around on the balls of her feet and moved back towards the house only to pause at the door and look over her shoulder. Osamu hadn't looked back as he walked into the forest, further and further until he couldn't be seen again.

Toshiko let out a humorless laugh. Didn't that bring back memories.

By the time everyone in the house had woken up— from the children to Masshu to Sasuke who'd had to be dragged out of bed by Daki —and both Obito and Kakashi had made their way back over to the home it had just after ten o'clock. By the time noon had rolled around the Uchiha's— and Hatake —had scattered once more.

Itachi sat across from her in the dinning room, the local paper sat open but half unread in front of him while Toshiko tried to churn out an email. One of her colleges who had temporarily taken over her cases while she was in Konoha had sent her an email asking her questions about a case and Toshiko knew she had to answer it, she just couldn't seem to find the words.

Between the walls of the house suffocating her and the heat she felt coursing through her blood— and the fact she kept having to consciously remind herself not to look at the brother sitting across from her —Toshiko couldn't couldn't think of the words and facts she needed to answer the email.

The decisions for the funeral and wake and cremation had all been taken care of before Toshiko had even stepped back into Konoha. The house— however —was another story. Kakashi had brought it up at breakfast; he'd asked what everyone was thinking of doing with the house.

Sasuke— after having very nearly flung himself over the table at his and Toshiko's eldest brother —had stormed out to go God only knew where, after the very thought of selling it had come up. It hadn't been a crazy idea. To be honest selling the house had been a reasonable proposal.

Obito and Kakashi owned their own home, one on the other side of Konoha. Shisui and Mari, though rented, had a place a block away from Hideko's school and two away from Daki's daycare; neither Shisui or Mari's jobs were far from their apartment either. Sasuke was out of the country to much to ever have something other then a long term storage facility and a standing reservation at the motel closest to the office he and his team worked out of, and Itachi had an already established child psychology practice— with clients he'd been seeing for years and a worn leather couch in his office —close to where he lived.

Toshiko could move in; own the house and keep it in the family name. There was nothing tying her to Fukuoka, at least not really. Sure she had a lease but if she finished that up she could always transfer to the Konoha prosecutors office. Always start her own practice.

But that would mean coming back. Being haunted by the memories of her grand uncle and first love. It meant actually seeing Shikamaru around town. Seeing his wife and their future children.

Toshiko's fingers drummed themselves along the edge of the table as she tried to think of words. What were words? They were symbols and letters arranged in certain orders, nothing more then that so answering one simple email shouldn't be that hard. And yet it was.

"Toshi," Itachi said, "I didn't mean to upset you. You know that, right?"

"Of course," Toshiko said she forced her eyes to stare at the screen of her laptop and not at her brother, "Besides I'm not upset," she added a moment later, still not looking at him.

Itachi's lips thinned out and his head cocked to the side; Toshiko's resolve cracked quicker then she would ever admit to and her eyes flickered up. Itachi didn't say it and Toshiko couldn't read minds but she could still hear her brother's voice calling her a Liar loud and clear. Her shoulders sagged.

"I know," she said a moment later. "I know you didn't mean anything by it."

"I'm sensing a but," Itachi said as he leaned forward.

"Sasuke was right," Toshiko said, "You didn't grow up here, not like us and Obi. Selling the house makes sense but—"

"—It was wrong of me to be one that suggested it." Toshiko nodded.

"I know it makes sense, sell the house, none of us-none of us want to uproot our lives to live here but if we don't and we sell the house then that means ōoji-san is really—" her tongue darted out as she stopped herself. Uchiha Madara was dead, saying it wouldn't make him any deader; Toshiko had said it before and yet the word wouldn't come out of her mouth.

"I'm sorry," Itachi said earnestly. "I was just trying to be practical."

"I know," Toshiko said, she knew one of them needed to keep their heads on straight and not let their bleeding hearts cloud their vision but just because she knew something didn't mean she had to like it. Toshiko closed her laptop, and stood, "I'm going to go out. Get some fresh air."

Itachi grabbed Toshiko's elbow— stopping her —as she went to turn, she could see the emotion in her brothers eyes.

"I'm sorry," Itachi said once more, his voice deeper and more raw. More emotional. The left corner of Toshiko's face tipped upwards.

"I know nii-san." It wasn't quite an I forgive you but it was something; it was enough for Itachi to let Toshiko's elbow go. As Toshiko went to grab her bag and wallet from her room she paused on the second floor landing between the two stairs and looked at her grand uncles door. She could almost picture him behind it, under his covers napping. Toshiko smiled as the memory of Sasuke waking Madara up by loudly yelling at the Old Man to get up— and nearly killing their grand uncle then and there from fright —flittered through her mind.

Her smile twisted down.

Was this what Madara's life had been like? Had he turned every corner and seen the ghost of his brothers the way she could practically see the ghost of him?

Uchiha's— Madara had told Toshiko —feel differently then other people. Deeper. And not for the first time, Toshiko wished she was like those other people. Wished that the sadness she felt inside of her didn't thrash around so violently sometimes it felt like she was drowning in a sea made up of sorrows.

Toshiko looked away from the door and continued up the stairs.

There was, on the corner of Isobu and Gyuki, a small hole in the wall type of café. It wasn't anything like the brightly lit cafes Toshiko saw littering the main streets of Fukuoka. No, Boongho was the kind of place that if you blinked while walking down the street you would miss it; it was tiny and cozy and smelled of bagels and old books. It was also the place Toshiko had been coming for years; sure growing up she and her friends would meet at Kifune from time to time— another, different café that sat right off main street —but Boongho was where she went to be alone.

She'd found it after her and Shikamaru had broken up; there was no memories of him lingering between the bookshelves nor waiting to jump out at her from between the pages of the books that littered the café walls, that and the insanely fast wifi connection they had was why Toshiko had fallen in love with the tiny café.

Still— in the back of the quite café —Toshiko couldn't find the words she needed to finish the email; Itachi hadn't meant anything by suggesting that they sell the house. Homes were meant to be lived in and with their grand uncle dead no one was going to live in it. Selling it made sense. And yet the very thought of a For Sale sign stuck in the front yard of the home made her sick.

"No way," a voice gasped, "Toshiko!"

Toshiko looked away from her barley written response to see an annoyingly familiar face. Sarutobi Konohamaru— grandson to the mayor before Naruto's father Minato —had grown since the last time Toshiko had seen him. Not that Toshiko was surprised; the last time she had seen Konohamaru had been right before she left for university.

His hair was shorter then it had been in high school and he had stopped trying to grow out sideburns; he still had that same blue scarf he'd grown up sporting wrapped around his neck. The only reason Toshiko knew it was the same scarf he'd grown up wearing was because she could see the red thread his mother had once used to sew up a tear Konohamaru had caused by accidently stepping on the scarf.

"Hey Konohamaru," Toshiko waved. While Konohamaru was two years younger then Toshiko the Uchiha knew Konohamaru not because of any woodland misadventures but rather because, when they had been children— after Toshiko had started speaking again —Konohamaru had taken to following Naruto around like a lost duckling. Something about the blonde had wowed the then youngest Sarutobi so much so that Konohamaru had decided to copy Naruto, right down to having an Uchiha rival.

Thankful Konohamaru had never gone down the road of— trying to —date an Uchiha that Naruto had.

"Do you mind?" Konohamaru pointed to the empty seat across from Toshiko.

"No," she shook her head, pulling her laptop closer to herself, "Go ahead."

Konohamaru took the seat across from her. His nose was slightly crooked, the bend became more noticeable as his smile widened; Toshiko had been fourteen when she'd accidently— not really on accident —broken it. Konohamaru had waited for her her to get out of dance practice one night and had intended on dumping bright green slime all over her as a prank. Only for her flight or fight instincts to kick in when he had grabbed Toshiko's shoulder so that he could spin her around and dump the slime all over her front.

She hadn't meant to hit Konohamaru so hard he blacked out, she had however, meant to hit the kidnapped she'd thought Konohamaru was so hard it gave her enough time to run home.

"How have you been?" Konohamaru wondered, his smiled dimmed, "I mean I heard about your old man-sorry about that."

"It's okay," Toshiko lied. It was an obvious lie, one Konohamaru didn't bother to call her on.

"How's school been? You went for law right?"

Toshiko nodded, "Yeah-I graduated actually. Almost a year ago."

"That's great!" Konohamaru congratulated, "I mean, I'm a teacher now so obviously I beat you—"

"—Because the requirements to be a teacher are less then the requirements you need to become a lawyer!"

"Or maybe because I'm just smarter!" As the urge to— childishly —say Are not surged through her, Toshiko was reminded why she had so often thought about strangling Konohamaru when growing up. Toshiko leaned back in her seat, her left brow lifted.

"You haven't changed have you?"

"Nope!" Konohamaru replied. "What about you?"

"What ab-have I have changed?" Toshiko blinked, "I don't know, probably." She hoped.

"That's good," Konohamaru said, "You were kind of boring when we were teens." At almost eighteen Toshiko had been somewhat of a recluse; all her friends had been older then her— Sasuke's age, two years older —meaning that by the time she was going into her third year of high school all her friends had already graduated and left town. By the time it had been her turn to go off and fly the coop the only person that— wasn't somehow related to her —Toshiko spoke to regularly had been Konohamaru. And even then those talks were usually nothing more then arguments.

"I hate you," Toshiko said blandly. In response Konohamaru started to snicker.

"I know," he said. He leaned forward, resting his elbow onto the table and his chin in the palm of his hand. "How long are you in town for?"

"Three-ish days. Tomorrow's the wake." Which meant that Uchiha Madara's cremation and actual funeral would be day after that and she would leave sometime after that, the following day. In the morning probably, it was an eight hour train ride after all.

"It gets better," Konohamaru said the excitement and teasing in his voice was gone and instead had been replaced with a gentle, empathic sort of tone. He sort of got it— where Toshiko was coming from —what she felt.

Konohamaru's father had taken off before he'd been born. Word around town was that the reason the man had left was because her had some sort of problem and while the problem always seemed to change depending on who you asked— some said gambling, others said drugs or drinking —the only thing everyone could agree on was that the man was nothing but trouble. Which left both Konohamaru's grandfather and uncle to step up and take on the paternal role the man had abandoned; both his grandfather and uncle had died years ago, back before anyone had left town.

Konohamaru's grandfather had passed in his sleep and his uncle Asuma— a math teacher who'd taught at the local high school —had been murdered in a mugging gone wrong. They caught the guy back then; some American who had come to Japan on a gap year and instead ended up joining some crazy cult instead of figuring out what major he wanted to peruse when he went back home.

"I know," Toshiko said softly, she could remember the pain she'd felt after the crash. The longing she'd felt when thinking of her parents. "It just sucks, you know?"

Konohamaru hummed as he let out a breathe. "You know," he said a moment later as he removed his chin from his hand and folded his arms over the table, "You need good news."

Toshiko scoffed; at that moment she could only think of a single handful of things that she would consider good news. "Did my every single higher up in the prosecutors office die in a horrible office fire making me the District Attorney until the next election?"

"What? Fuck no, Jesus." Konohamaru said, he squinted, "I'm getting married, you're invited!"

Toshiko's jaw dropped.

"You're what?"

"Married getting-getting married," Konohamaru laughed, he ran a hand through his hair, "I proposed like two months ago. I was going to ask Kakashi for your address when the invitations arrived but then I saw you through the widow looking depressed—" Toshiko shot the younger male a dry Who would have guessed sort of look, "—And figured why not save on an invitation by just asking you to come in person."

"So what? This whole conversation was just a way for you to save a few bucks?" Konohamaru shot Toshiko a sly smile in response. "I hate you," she told him. She shifted in her seat and closed her laptop, her coworker could wait a little longer, "Who are you marrying?"

"Hyūga Hanabi." Toshiko felt her face light up in surprise.

"You're joking?" Toshiko could kind of remember Hyūga Hanabi from their younger years; the girl had been three years younger then herself and while Toshiko couldn't quite recall if they'd ever actually held a conversation— as Toshiko had always been much closer with Hanabi's older sister Hinata —she could remember how smart Hanabi had always been and just how driven she could be when she wanted something, like when she had wanted to skip a grade or the title of class President.

Toshiko could also remember how pretty Hanabi had always been; all Hyūga's were pretty.

"No," Konohamaru beamed, he moved in his seat so that he could pull out his phone. After having clicked the unlock button on the side and turning to that Toshiko could see, Toshiko was greeted by a picture of Konohamaru on one knee and Hanabi with her hands clasped over her mouth and tears in her eyes.

Toshiko's brows knit together as she leaned forward, closer to the phone. Her gaze flickered upwards.

"How the hell did you manage that?"

Konohamaru's cheeks pinked.

"We ended up going to the same university-she's a year one teacher, I'm year eight but in the beginning some of our classes overlapped and we started talking and well—" Konohamaru shook his phone, "—This happened."

"I always knew if you got married you'd be marrying up but Konohamaru you are marrying up," Toshiko emphasized.

"You are such a hag, you know that?"

"Boohoo, you're a big boy now-getting married and all that, deal with it."

"You're just as mean as your brother, you know that right?" Konohamaru moved to put his phone back in his pocket, "Everyone used to think you were the sweet one but you're mean."

"To you," Toshiko smiled. As Konohamaru pretended to pout in his seat Toshiko's smile grew only to quickly fall a moment later. Konohamaru's foot kicked Toshiko under the table and a look of understanding passed over his face.

"You hungry?"

"I guess," Toshiko answered.

"Cool 'cause I'm starving, there's a new dango place that opened and I've been dying to try their stuff."

"Can't go there on date night with Hanabi?" Toshiko teased as she went to pack her laptop away in her bag. Konohamaru stood, his hands were shoved deep into his pockets.

"I wish, Hanabi hates sweets. Something to do with her dad."

"Oh?" Toshiko got to her feet and slung her bag over her shoulder; Konohamaru shrugged in response the two of them moved towards the door of the café. Both Toshiko and Konohamaru politely waved at the pimple faced barista-slash-cashier as they left; Toshiko paused as she stepped out of the café and into the sun, her hand flew up in front of her eyes.

"I thought it's supposed to get darker as the day goes on," Toshiko muttered; Konohamaru nudged her side with his elbow as he jerked his head to the left. With a loud and over dramatic sigh Toshiko's hand flopped down and she made her way to follow after him. "So where is this new dango place?" She asked.

"Fūma street," Konohamaru said, "It's a few stores down from the Yamanaka flower shop."

Yamanaka Ino's face flashed through the forefront of Toshiko's mind. Ino had been a good friend of Shikamaru's when they'd been children— their fathers, along with Akimichi Choji's father had all apparently grown up as the best of friends —and up until he'd come out as gay Ino had, had a crush on Toshiko's brother; though that wasn't saying much as, up until Sasuke came out, most girls in town did.

"Alright," Toshiko nodded, she looked around at the storefronts her and Konohamaru were passing, her hands in the pockets of her jacket. It wasn't quite fall, but the leaves had begun to change from green to yellow and red and brown. A mother and a of young children— some of which were clearly hers and other who were obviously her children's friends —passed Toshiko and Konohamaru causing a thought to strike the twenty-six year old attorney over her head. "How's Mirai?"

Konohamaru's shoulder bunched up in delight, his smile brightened at the mention of his younger cousin. Sarutobi Mirai had been born when Toshiko was fifteen, only a few months after her father— Konohamaru's uncle —had been murdered; Mirai's mother Kurenai had been Toshiko's science teacher in high school.

"She's great! She just made the girls football team." Toshiko's head jerked back.

"No way she's in high school already." Toshiko could remember the day Kurenai had gone into labor. It'd been insane, a whirlwind of emotion; but it'd also been the day Konohamaru and Toshiko had actually become friends.

"What? No-no, Mirai's twelve, or well, she's turning twelve in a couple of months." Toshiko blinked in disbelief.

Twelve? She thought, No way. It can't be. But it had been; it had been twelve years since Kurenai-sensei's water had broken mid-lecture and it had been nearly eleven years since she and the rest of the school had held a vigil for Konohamaru's uncle and it had been twenty since her parents had died. The anniversary had just passed. Toshiko's brows knitted. Would one day she wake up and find that it had been fifteen since she had buried her great uncle, thirty five since her parents?

Would she wake up and find that the years had passed her by; that they hadn't slowed down, at least, not long enough for her to smell the roses.

"That—" Toshiko forced a high pitched laugh, "—Makes me feel old."

"Tell me about it," Konohamaru breathed, "Mirai, when she want's something she'll call me Kono-nii, or something cute like that but you know what she'll usually call me?" He asked Toshiko. Toshiko smirked as she and Konohamaru turned onto Fūma street.

"What?"

"Old Man!" Toshiko let out an ugly guffawing laugh. Konohamaru glared at her, "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up-if you never left town I'd bet anything she'd be calling you Spinster."

"She would not," Toshiko defended, "I bet anything she calls you Old Man because you're lame—"

"—Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Are you two seriously still fighting?" A feminine voice said; both Toshiko and Konohamaru turned to see a blonde woman and a stringy dark haired man standing next to her. It only took Toshiko half a second to realize the woman in front of her was Yamanaka Ino. Toshiko wasn't quite sure who the dark haired man next to her was but if the way they were holding hands was anything to go off of he was more then likely Ino's boyfriend.

"Hey Ino," Toshiko said, her gut writing around inside of her. Ino's shoulders slumped and her glossy lips stretched out into a please smile; gone were the days of Ino's bright lipstick and borderline risque-out there style.

"Hey Toshi." There was that nickname; no one but her family ever called her that anymore. People at work called her Uchiha-san or Toshiko, while her neighbors— the few she spoke too —called her Masshu's mom or Toshiha, a nickname that'd come about when an old resident of the building she lived in had mixed up her first name and surname. Toshiko wasn't quite sure how or why it had stuck, just that it had.

Ino didn't ask before she dropped the dark haired mans hand and enveloped Toshiko in a hug, one Toshiko quickly responded too before stepping back. Toshiko looked at the man who had been holding hands with Ino and stuck her own hand out in his direction.

"Uchiha Toshiko, pleasure to meet you." The man took Toshiko's hand.

"Yamanaka Sai," he introduced himself. Toshiko's head cocked to the side as she took her hand back, her eyes flickered between Ino and Sai before her eyes widened.

"You're married!" Toshiko exclaimed in Ino's direction, "Wow!" Ino's smile became tight around the mouth.

"Don't sound too surprised, you might make me think you're implying something," Ino said with the same false laugh she used to use when they were kids. Toshiko's face fell.

"Oh no, Ino-I just, all I meant was you're Sasuke's age. Young! So marriage that's big!" Toshiko floundered. Ino's smile loosened.

"I know, I know-honestly I always felt the same. No marriage for me before thirty but then I met Sai and something sort of clicked inside of me, you know?"

"Yeah," Toshiko said before she could stop herself. Ino's eyes widened a fraction of an inch and while Toshiko was sure it was because Ino was good friends with Shikamaru— and imagining your friends ex with anyone else but them was a little weird —it was the speed at which Konohamaru's head snapped from Ino to Toshiko that made the Uchiha look at her childhood rival oddly.

"You do?" Konohamaru blinked, he grabbed her right hand and brought it up close to his face, "You don't have a ring though."

"Probably because I'm not married."

"But you just said—"

"—Lied," Toshiko lied, cutting of Sai who had spoken up. She did know what Ino had been talking about. The click, she'd felt it when she'd been eleven and looking into her best friends eyes.

"Why would you lie?" Sai wondered with a look Toshiko could only describe as genuine curiosity.

"I don't know," Toshiko shrugged, "The same reason everyone lies when they say yes in response?" Sai blinked at her, "Like when someone asks if you liked their soup even though you hated it you say yeah because it would be rude or off putting to tell the truth."

"But lying to someone and telling them their soup is good when it's in fact terrible stops them from ever really making good soup," Sai reasoned leaving Toshiko to wonder— besides just how socially inept Sai really was —what about him had made Ino feel the click.

"You're right," Toshiko said, being a lawyer meant Toshiko knew not only when to argue but when to cut her losses and take the best deal offered. At that very moment the best deal meant agreeing with Sai so not to argue.

Toshiko, lying straight through her teeth, shook her head and told Ino that, "I don't actually, I have no idea what you're talking about."

Ino frowned, "Really?"

Toshiko shrugged.

No, she wanted to say, Not really. But then she thought of Shikamaru's ring and how beautiful that girl Temari had been— though maybe Shikamaru hadn't married her, maybe he had married someone else he met at university or maybe it was someone they had all grown up with like Tenten or Hinata —and so instead of telling Ino what she really though Toshiko just smiled apologetically.

"Sorry," Toshiko said.

"Oh," Ino said in a weirdly dejected voice. Toshiko knew she could think of a reasons why Ino had sounded the way she had— offence on one of her oldest friends behalf; if Toshiko had never felt the click that meant she had never felt it with Shikamaru —only to stop that train of thought when her phone rang loudly from the inside of her bag.

"Sorry," Toshiko apologized to Ino, Sia and Konohmaru while she pulled out her phone. "Shit," she swore.

"What is it?" Toshiko ignored Konohamaru as she swiped up and answered the call.

"Hey Omoi."

"Hey Toshiko, I know you have a lot going on right now but I sent you an email this morning pertaining to the Biwa case."

"Yeah I saw a notification on my phone this morning-I just haven't had the chance to actually open up my email," she lied, "I'm so sorry," that was less a lie.

"It's cool, you're burying a family memeber I get it," Omoi said, "Actually since you answered and I have you now, do you mind if I ask you what I need to know now?"

"No," Toshiko looked at Ino and Sai and then Konohamaru, "Just give one moment?"

"Of course."

Toshiko muted herself before she turned to Konohamaru, "Work," she said flourishing her phone, "Rain check on that dango?"

"I can wait," Konohamaru said, "It wouldn't be a problem."

"No, it's cool, you go on an eat. I'll probably be a while, this case is insane-you said you were hungry." Toshiko waved her hand at him as she shook her head. "Congrats on the engagement, if I don't see you before I leave ask my—" Toshiko winced. The words My ōoji-san were on the tip of her tongue. She sucked in a deep breathe, "If I don't see you before I leave just ask Kashi or Obi for my number okay?"

"Yeah," Konohamaru said, Toshiko looked at Ino and Sai and smiled,

"Nice too see you again Ino-great to meet you Sai, congrats on the wedding."

"Thanks," Sai said politely.

"Yeah," Ino nodded, "Thanks."

Without another word, as she stepped around Ino and her husband and took off down the street, Toshiko unmuted herself and held the phone back up to her ear, "Hey Omio, sorry about that."

"It's okay, I get it. Now my first question, what is wrong with this mans lawyer?"

"He's still won't take a deal huh?" Toshiko scoffed as she turned the corner. Omoi let out a sound of frustration from his end of the phone.

"Toshiko, this man Biwa is a serial killer, I don't get why his lawyer thinks he can get an easy sentence this time around."

"Arrogance?" Toshiko offered. Omoi scoffed. "Honestly Omoi from the talks we've had Biwa's lawyer is acting like he can get him off."

"Off?" Omoi repeated, "The man was caught covered in his victims blood! With the murder weapon!"

Toshiko let out a hum she understood Omoi's frustration; while Biwa hadn't been covered in the blood of his victim— Ban Hiromi —her blood had not only been found on the top and soles of Biwa's shoes but also coating the knife he'd had tucked into the waistband of his pants when the Police had picked him up.

"Omoi, you don't have to tell me this, I know what Biwa's charged with." What he'd already done.

Biwa Jūzō, while only being charged for one murder was what Omoi had said, a serial killer. He'd killed twice during his juvenile years— once in a school yard fight taken to far and twice more while he had been incarcerated —and then, long before either Toshiko or Omoi had been born, been plead down to three counts of manslaughter after the apartment he had been living in caught fire under mysterious circumstances, killing the landlord Biwa hadn't paid in months and the landlords family.

"How can anyone think this man is getting off this time around? Biwa will be lucky if he isn't sentenced to death this time around."

"Have you ever actually spoken with Ishii Yuudai?"

"No?"

"He gave a lecture at my university once? Friend of the Professor, that sort of thing, anyway Omoi, the man think's he's infallible."

"You got all that from one guest lecture?" Omoi wondered. Toshiko turned another corner; she purposefully looked away from the Kifune café as she passed it by and walked onto main street. It wasn't the middle of the day anymore and yet Toshiko was sure all of Konoha was out at that very moment.

The streets were bustling.

"I got all that when my roommate came back at three in the morning reeking of sake and sex."

"Oh?" Toshiko hummed.

"Ishii won't take a deal if he's not the one who made it."

"So what do I do, set a trail date?"

"Or do what lawyers do best," Toshiko said.

"Lie, cheat and swindle?"

"I thought we weren't allowed to rag on lawyers after taking the bar?"

"Toshiko, we'd get disbarred if we didn't rag on lawyers," Omoi joked.

"Right-anyway my actual advice to you was make Ishii think that whatever deal you're offering is something he came up with."

"How am I supposed to do that if he won't answer my calls?" Omoi asked Toshiko. Toshiko sucked her teeth as she passed by a familiar park, one she paused for a minute in front of. There was no one there inside it— playing on the jungle gym or in the grass —but Toshiko could have sworn she heard a child's shrieking laughter as she stood there.

Blinking, Toshiko cleared her throat. "I don't know," she said as she began to move past the park, "He eats lunch every day at the Karen Branch, so maybe ambush him?"

Omoi was quite for a moment, and then a second before loud snickers broke through his end of the phone.

"Why do you know that Uchiha?" Toshiko made a sound; she wasn't quite sure what kind of sound it was but it was obviously one that translated into Don't ask me that. "Right, Karen Branch. The one in the Chou Ward?"

"Yeah."

"Awesome. And Uchiha?"

"Yeah Omoi?"

"Take care."

"I will, thank you." Toshiko pulled the phone away from her ear and breathed. She was still a few blocks away from home— from her grand uncles home —stuck halfway between the park she'd spent her early years in and the house of the boy who'd broken her heart.

She still knew the way; Toshiko hadn't been back in Konoha since her first semester at university and yet she was sure she could find her way to the Nara home— from both her grand uncles home and from where she stood at that very moment —blindfolded.

Click; Ino had talked about a click. Toshiko looked down the street she knew would lead her to the Nara home before looking away and storming down the one that would lead her to her grand uncle Madara's. Toshiko had felt that click with Shikamaru but obviously— if the ring around his throat had been anything to go off of —he had felt it again after her.

Toshiko ignored the echoing sika deer call that rang out through the air. Instead, as more deer calls rang out, she fished out her earphones and plugged them into her phone and tried not to think about how she had felt when she had first registered that clicking inside of her fifteen years prior.