"Who dose not hate the person to blame for their existence?"

Chapter Five


It was towards the end of June when ten year old Uchiha Toshiko found herself sitting on the steps that lead up to her and her grand uncles home, the heel of her left foot eagerly bounced up and down on the slate steps. The sun beat down on her; it was hot— the weatherman had said it would be the hottest day that year —and yet Toshiko refused to move. She didn't care that her shoulders were warm and without a doubt sunburnt or that a thin layer of sweat coated the back of her neck.

Her glass of lemonade sat by her feet, half drunk and with the ice she'd put in it fully melted; she'd made it that morning intending to share it as she waited on the steps only for Sasuke to storm out of the house before he'd even had the chance to have breakfast. Over his shoulder Sasuke had called out that he and Naruto had plans; apparently the two of them were going to go to the movies.

As he had been leaving Sasuke had told Toshiko that he just really wanted to see the new Nicholas Cage movie— Gone In Sixty Seconds —and that, since school had ended the day before he just couldn't wait but he hadn't looked at her when talking and instead focused solely on lacing up his sneakers.

Lying; Toshiko knew her brother. She knew that Sasuke didn't care one way or the other about Nicholas Cage's new movies and that he just hadn't wanted to be home when Itachi and Shisui arrived.

Toshiko frowned, she wished her brothers would— could —get along. That every summer she didn't have to split her time between them; if she didn't Sasuke and Itachi would get into the same old argument they always had. After almost five years in Konoha, Toshiko could practically mouth along with her brothers when they fought.

Why would I want to spend time with you? Sasuke would ask Itachi, You don't even want to be around us! Of course Itachi would then say that wasn't true and of course he did and Sasuke would retaliate by claiming that if it wasn't then Itachi would call more.

I call you and Toshi twice a week Sasuke, you're the one who never wants to talk to me, Itachi would say like he always did. And then Sasuke's face would puff out and turn red and Sasuke would point a finger at Itachi,

Please, it's not like you ever really want to talk to us, you call to brag about how cool your life is without us! Sasuke would then stomp his foot— his right foot, he only ever stomped his foot when dealing with Itachi —and yell, I hate you! And then he'd run up to his room or to the Uzumaki's home for the night before coming back and icing Itachi out until he and Shisui left.

"Yo!" A voice called out. Toshiko's head snapped up, away from the grass she'd been staring at and at Shikamaru. Choji was at his side, eating a cupcake. Most people didn't eat in public the way Choji did— on the go and constantly —and yet no matter how many disapproving stares he got from passerby's he never stopped. Not that Toshiko ever wanted him too, she liked Choji the way he was; he was nice. Perhaps not the way Shikamaru was but nice nonetheless.

Toshiko waved at the pair of them as they began walking up the driveway and towards her.

"Hey Toshi!" Choji said as they got closer. Toshiko waved at him and then fingerspelt his name; unlike Shikamaru who was just as proficient at Japanese sign Langue as she was, Choji still struggled. Though he could make out his name.

"What's up?" Shikamaru asked as he and Choji stood in front of her. She could see the earrings Shikamaru had gotten the week before; his mother had nearly had a heart attack when he'd come home from the mall with pierced ears but Toshiko couldn't help but think how her best friend looked nice with the studs in his ears.

Waiting for big brother— Toshiko spelled out Itachi's name before she made the sign for Cousin, followed by Shisui's name.

"That's cool," Shikamaru said, his hands deep in the pockets of his cargo shorts. He tells Choji what Toshiko had signed before he looked back at her, "Choji and I were going to go get donuts and ice cream we wanted to invite you but I guess this means you're out?"

Sorry, she signed with an apologetic nod. Shikamaru shrugged.

"Want us to bring you back anything?" Toshiko perked up at Shikamaru's offer.

Really? She asked. Shikamaru nodded. Thanks! One minute, I give you money.

"No," Shikamaru said stopping Toshiko from rising from her spot, "It's alright. I found dad's cigarettes' last night so he gave me extra allowance."

Toshiko felt her left brow rise; her tongue poked out from between her teeth as she smiled. She knew she shouldn't find Shikamaru blackmailing his father— and uncle —as funny as she did but he always seemed to do it so casually that it was never anything but funny.

Two jelly donuts please.

"Alright," Shikamaru said, "We'll be back soon."

"Actually," Choji said, Shikamaru paused mid-turn to look at Choji. Choji's eyes swiveling from Shikamaru to Toshiko, "I can get the donuts and ice cream myself. You should stay Shikamaru."

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed a fraction of a centimeter. Choji took the last bite of the cupcake he'd been eating.

"You don't have too Choji-buddy. I can come with you, I was my idea to invite Toshi after all," Shikamaru said, his voice rough and tight. Toshiko's brows knit together; did Shikamaru not want to spend time with her?

"I know," Choji said simply, his lips were pressed together and turned upwards into a small impish sort of smile, "But you know we never get to see her when her brother's in town."

Choji had somewhat of a point saying that he and Shikamaru never got to see her when Itachi and Shisui were in town was an exaggeration. Toshiko just didn't see Shikamaru— or Choji —as much when Itachi and Shisui were in Konoha.

Shikamaru's ears burned pink, his arms crossed over his chest.

You don't to stay if you don't want to, Toshiko signed. Her movements were meek and slow; shy. Shikamaru's shoulders sagged and his arms fell to his sides,

"No it's-Toshi I'd love to stay, it's just, it'd be uncool of me to ask my best friend to get me and my other best friend snacks. Especially when I'm the one who thought to invite her-er you, you know?" Shikamaru asked. Toshiko cocked her head; Toshiko hated when Shikamaru stuttered; his face always got red— like he'd once again fallen asleep in the sun —and he never seemed to meet her eyes. On top of that everyone around them always started laughing at some kind of joke she wasn't privy too.

I guess, Toshi signed. Choji clapped Shikamaru on the back with a teasing smile; Toshiko had seen Choji wearing that smile before, it was the smile Choji often wore before he and Shikamaru— or he and Naruto —pulled some sort of prank.

Here comes that laughter, Toshiko thought to herself.

"Come on Shikamaru you're acting like Toshi-chan isn't my friend too. I don't mind picking up the snacks so long as we can eat them together." Shikamaru muttered something under his breath, something that while Toshiko couldn't hear, Choji found hilarious.

Once Choji was done wheezing, he collected himself. Choji wiped his eyes and and sucked in a deep breath of air as he straightened out his back. He looked to Toshi before looking to Shikamaru.

"I sort of didn't catch what kind of donuts she wanted," Choji said.

Shikamaru glared at Choji; not the way he glared at the kids in school who liked to make fun of Toshiko and her lack of speech, but rather the way Sasuke liked to glare at her whenever Toshiko signed something cheeky at his expense. Brotherly.

"Jelly," Shikamaru answered as he sat on the stoop next to Toshiko. He pulled out the money from his pockets and handed it to the heavier set boy, "Two jelly for Toshi and a powered and a bear claw for me."

"Got it," Choji said with a chuckle and salute in Shikamarus direction.

"So," Shikamaru wondered as he and Toshiko watched Choji take off back down the Uchiha homes driveway, towards the local donut shop, "Where's your brother?"

Movies, Toshiko answered with an eye roll. Her shoulders slumped, she fingerspelt Sasuke's name, Is never going to forgive big brother. Is he?

Shikamarus lips pressed together, his hand rested comfortingly on Toshiko's knee, the polish Ino had painted on the month before was mostly chipped and worn away, leaving only speaks of black on the nail.

"I think both your brothers are jerks and you're the smartest one out of all three of you—" Toshiko let out a giggle, "—But I don't think that Sasuke is going to hate Itachi forever."

Toshiko cocked a brow.

"Itachi's too cool to hate," Shikamaru expanded. The memory of Itachi— eleven years old and wearing a cow suit —flashed through Toshiko's mind.

Cool, she signed with a broad smile, Right.

Shikamaru leaned against the top step, his elbows propped up behind him, "So what movie did Sasuke go see."

Gone in Sixty Seconds. He went with— Toshiko spelled out Naruto's name. She then leaned over and touched Shikamaru's ear to which the boy jerked away from her touch with a questioning gaze. Sorry, looks pretty.

Shikamaru's face turned a bright pink as he seemed to melt inwards; his neck lowered— though, perhaps it was more his shoulders raised as he slouched —as his eyes shot upwards.

"Thanks."

A beat passed between the two friends. Shikamaru looked from the clouds to Toshiko who had already been looking at him; skin was just skin, it couldn't look nice and yet at almost eleven years old Toshiko couldn't help but find herself thinking that Shikamaru's skin was nice.

God she weird. Sasuke called her weird when she and Obito would watch old anime reruns and American romantic comedies; she could only imagine what her brother would call her if he ever found out she thought her best friend skin was nice.

"I bet you'd look pretty with your ears pierced too," he said.

Yeah?

Shikamaru nodded, "I mean you already do," he added.

Toshiko felt her face pinken at the compliment. She'd been called cute before— Toshiko had lost count of how often Obito and Kakashi had pinched her cheeks over the years and pointedly asked Sasuke why he couldn't be as cute as Toshiko —but not pretty; Toshiko would have remembered that. Her father had called her beautiful as had her mother, and her grand uncle would at times call her delicate and radiant, but never before had she been pretty.

Pretty was for girls like Ino and her friend Sakura, girls who made you look at them just by existing.

Really? Toshiko blinked, a shy smile playing on her lips.

Shikamaru's face had turned a dusty pink, he made a sound of agreement— a Yeah, of course kind of sound —in the back of his throat as he looked away, the point of his tongue swiped the length of his bottom lip.

Thanks, she signed, her heart beating twice as fast then usual and the blood that had rushed to her face burning. Toshiko picked up her glass of watered down lemonade and used her index fingers nail to tap against the side of the glass. Want some?

"Yeah," Shikamaru said, "Lemonade be great."

Cool; Toshiko didn't sign that but she'd thought it with such a rush of air as she got to her feet she may of well have said it aloud.

Toshiko always got funny when Itachi came to visit; Choji said she turned into a whole new person. She got more meek, quieter, if that were possible. She didn't joke around the way she usually did, teasingly and sarcastically. Toshiko knew why— she only ever saw Itachi three months of the year, and seeing as he was always fighting with Sasuke when he was home she never wanted him to feel like he had to worry an attack was going to come from her —still though, that didn't explain why she was being weird.

Why she had been thinking about how nice Shikamaru's skin was.

Toshiko looked over her shoulder towards the back door where her grand uncle was; with her half full glass in hand and the empty glass she was going to give Shikamaru once she filled with with Lemonade Toshiko walked to the back door. She moved Shikamarus empty glass to the crook of her elbow and knocked on the door frame.

Uchiha Madara, looking as haggard as ever turned to look at Toshiko, a content smile on his face. He pushed out his chest as he breathed and a quick series of pops sounded from between his shoulder blades making the still then young girl cringe. Madara let out a chuckle.

"Are your brother and cousin here yet?" Toshiko's grand uncle wondered. Toshiko shook her head.

Wanted to know, do you want lemonade? Toshiko wondered. Shikamaru, she finger spelled, letting him know, is here.

"No thank you Toshiko," Madara said with a wave of his hand. "Tell young Nara-San I said hello though."

Okay, Toshiko signed. She signed it like she was snapping, down then up and with a smile. She made sure the close the back door fully least another fist size mosquito end up swarming Sasuke's room.

The last time that had happened Sasuke had screamed causing both Kakashi and Obito— who were over for dinner —to shoot up the stairs, the pair of them thinking that Sasuke had been hurt or a serial killer had broken in.

Toshiko, as she made Shikamaru a glass and poured herself more lemonade thought back to just how shrill Obito had screamed when he'd caught sight of the baseball sized bug that'd tried to make it's new home in Sasuke's room.

Even though Toshiko had been watching from the mouth of her own room, when Obito had screamed— shrill and loudly —Toshiko had thought that perhaps her eldest cousin or Kakashi had stepped on Sasuke.

She bit back a smile. When she had made fun of Obito— once Kakashi had bravely slayed the bug —Toshiko's cousin had picked her up by the waist and toasted her around the house upside down. It'd ended with her falling on her head and a goose egg sized knot right above her left brow but it had been fun.

Especially when their grand uncle had given her ice cream and chewed Obito out for being so careless with her. She's never seen a grown man shrink so much before.

Moving from the kitchen, back to the front of the house, Toshiko hadn't even managed to open the door fully before Shikamaru was on his feet, opening the door and taking his glass from her.

"Thanks Toshi," he said. She shrugged; the pair of them sat side by side, her shoulders brushed Shikamaru's as they both looked towards the clouds, their glasses of lemon aid sat by their feet.

In Toshiko's opinion Shikamaru's best quality was his heart. He was kind; inexplicably so. It was his kindness that Toshiko always seemed to jump to first when thinking of him; his sly smile always seemed to be what popped into her mind after that but something else Toshiko seemed to always remember when thinking of Shikamaru was— not how soft the palm of his hand was against hers or the sound of his laughter —how he always let silence befall them.

They didn't need to talk when they were together; Naruto and Choji always seemed to say something so that they could fill the silence while Sasuke always had something to do when he and Toshiko were together, almost like he was trying to take his mind off the quite. But not Shikamaru.

Never Shikamaru.

No, Shikamaru was content to close his eyes and lull his head back and breathe while he and Toshiko just sat there together. It was nice. The kind of nice Toshiko never wanted to end; the kind she would be content with just living in forever. Toshiko felt herself melt against her best friends side and though he tensioned at the initial contact of her cheek meeting the skin of his upper arm, Shikamaru quickly pushed back against Toshiko, his head lulled to the side so that his cheek was pressed against the top of her head.

"That one looks like a cat," Shikamaru said, pointing up at the sky. Toshiko followed Shikamaru's arm upwards to where it was pointing; she nodded against Shikamaru's arm, the cloud looked like a cats head. The kind that young children drew when asked too, it even streaked at the sides as if it had whiskers.

And that's how it went— Shikamaru pointing out clouds and Toshiko nodding or shrugging at his assessments of them —until Choji came back twenty-odd some minutes later carrying a small box of donuts on one hand, a mostly eaten ice cream cone in the other and an open can of grape soda in the crook of his arm.

"Sundaes and Cones had taro!" Choji beamed. Taro was a seasonal flavor, local ice cream shop— the one that would make all their ice cream in house and by hand —only ever made during summer.

"Awesome!" Shikamaru responded happily. Toshiko could faintly hear the phone in the house ring out; she ignored it, not thinking much of the ringing— it wasn't like she could answer it after all; besides if it were a telemarketer her grand uncle would want to be the person to shout at them for solicitation —and rather on Shikamaru.

Toshiko's stomach trembles as she watches Shikamaru and Choji talk about the mostly eaten ice cream in the Akimichi's hand and how it wasn't quite like last years batch.

Shikamaru had once told Toshiko he hated taro flavored ice cream, that to him it was too starchy, yet he still smiled— perhaps not broadly but brightly; the flats of his front teeth stuck out between his lips —genuinely happy for Choji. Toshiko, with her heart fluttering oddly in her chest, looked away from Shikamaru and instead focused on the box of donuts Choji was handing over.

Thank you—Toshiko spelt out Choji's name as he sat on the step beneath Shikamaru, his head leaned back and his soda between his legs. Toshiko handed Shikamaru his bearclaw while she took out one of her jelly donuts and held it.

"No problem Toshi," Choji said, "So—" his eyes flickered between her his Shikamaru and his grin widened mischievously, the same way it had done before, "—You and Shikamaru talk about anything fun while I was gone?"

No, Toshiko signed with a cocked head. She stole a look at Shikamaru who's happy demeanor had faded and instead been replaced by a stormy one. One Choji ignored, almost pointedly so. Had she and Shikamaru supposed to talk about something something fun? Before she could ask though— what Choji had thought she and Shikamaru had spoken about whilst he'd been getting donuts or if Shikamaru had been supposed to ask her anything fun —a car caught Toshiko's attention.

Though as it got closer, Toshiko's stomach churned. She supposed calling whatever her cousin was driving— had been driving since he'd gotten his license nearly two years prior —a car was being generous as it was more a monstrosity than vehicle. Three wheels and bright red paint, the simple sight of Uchiha Shisui's nineteen-ninety Reliant Robin always seemed to make Toshiko break out into a cold sweat.

Cars weren't supposed to have three wheels. They were already death traps waiting to spring.

Shisui parked at the curb and Toshiko, stashing her donut back in the box got to her feet. She didn't bother to wait for Itachi to fully emerge from the passengers seat before she took in his direction, a large smile on her face and the thought of Back, Nii-sans back! reverberating around in her head.

Toshiko sprang forward at her eldest brother, only to be stopped from jumping on her brother midair by her cackling cousin Shisui.

At twenty Shisui's mother no longer had any say over over his hair, which meant Shisui— who didn't know the meaning of halves; only go big or go home —had decided to never cut it again. Which while most likely was an over exaggeration, left Shisui— who was only a few months shy of his twenty-first birthday —with a bun a top his head. It was a nice bun he kept up with velvet scrunchies and those hair ties with the plastic balls on them.

"Hey there Toad!" Shisui laughed as she spun Toshiko and himself around the Uchiha family homes front yard. The glittery plastic balls that were attached to Shisui's hair tie clacked as they knocked into one another. Toshiko struggled in her cousins grip, trying to get away from him both so she could get to her brother and because Shisui had once again called her Toad, "I know you missed me and all but you don't have to attack me!"

Not you! Toshiko traced between her cousins shoulder blades.

"Is that so?" Shisui snickered, he swung Toshiko's bottom half under his arm and dropped her top half so that she hung upside down in his arms. Toshiko— having froze in Shisui's arms, legs kicked out oddly —let out a distressed noise from the back of her throat; her arms were awkwardly wrapped around her cousins waist and from her position against his bony hip, Toshiko could see Shikamaru standing on the steps leading up to the house and her grand uncle Madara looking unamused as he stood in the doorway of the house.

Choji was still sitting, eating his ice cream and looking on with the exact opposite of Uchiha Madara's expression.

"Shisui," Itachi said with a grin, Shisui turned on his hell in Itachi's direction.

"Yes cousin dearest, whom I love and cherish?" Shisui replied as nonchalantly as he could.

"Let your cousin down Shisui," Madara said as he shooed both Choji and Shikamaru out of his way. "We don't need you dropping her the way Fugaku dropped you."

The old man hobbled down the stairs and made his way across the lawn so that he could hug Itachi.

"Hey!" Shisui said woundedly; Madara brushed some of Itachi's hair back as like Shisui it seemed that he too had taken a vow to never go to the hairdresser again, "If anyone dropped me, it was my mom!"

Toshiko pinched Shisui side and with one hand— the best she could as the sign for deserve technically called for two —Toshiko told Shisui that he Deserved it.

It took Shisui a moment because without the second hand the sign for Deserve looked a lot like Take, but just as all Uchiha's, Shisui wasquick to pick things up.

"You know Toad with that kind of attitude I might just—" Shisui jumped causing Toshiko to let out a squeak as she clung tighter to her cousin. Toshiko squeezed her eyes just in time to watch Shikamaru jolt forward, "—Mean to drop you."

"Shisui," Itachi said, "Let Toshiko down."

"You're such a kill joy, you know that Tachi?" Shisui said as he bent his knees and let Toshiko down hands then feet, leaving her in a shaky bridge formation until she crashed down against the warm grass several seconds later. Shikamaru was there, next to her and with his hand out before Toshiko even had the chance to fully sit-up.

She didn't sign Thank you at Shikamaru but— as Shisu embraced their grand uncle and Itachi snickered at whatever scathing quip the old man shot at Shisui; Shisui's head dipped down at whatever Madara's remark was —she smiled at him blindingly enough for the message to be conveyed.

"Choji and I are going to go but we'll see you," Shikamaru said and while usually Toshiko would try to drag saying goodbye out for as long as she could this time— because Shisui and Itachi were home —Toshiko simply wrapped Shikamaru in a tight hug.

She pressed her face against the crook of his neck. She doesn't leave a kiss against the flesh of cheek like she wanted too if only because the last— and first —time she'd pressed a kiss to his cheek Shikamaru had turned the same bright red shade all freshly painted firetrucks were before he had declared all girls Troublesome Drags and her specifically The most troublesome.

Once her and Shikamaru stop hugging Toshiko is in Choji's arms; the hug is loose due to the soda and ice cream in the older boys hands and the hug is quicker then the one she had shared with Shikamaru. She is quick though to sign Thanks again for donuts before bouncing off and into her brothers arms.

Her hands were wrapped around Itachi's middle and her nails bit into the fabric of his shirt; she hugged him the way she always did, like she never wanted to let go. Like she was scared shed never get to again.

And maybe part of her was; maybe part of Toshiko was terrified she'd let go of her brother— of both of them, of those she loved and cherished —and he'd float away. Down the metaphorical river that was life, never to be seen again.

Toshiko buried her face into her brothers stomach. She didn't speak and she didn't move her hands to write on her brothers back but she didn't need to. As Toshiko clutched Itachi under the summer sun the message was clear.

I love you nii-san. I missed you. Stay.

And as Itachi bent so that he could press a kiss to the top of her head he hadn't needed to speak either because Toshiko understood.

I love you too. I missed you too. For now.

Toshiko had missed her brother Itachi— and cousin Shisui —dearly. She had, truly, Toshiko had missed them both so much over the past several months there had been times it'd brought her to tears. She however had not missed how tense things got when both Itachi and Sasuke were in the same room.

Even though neither of Toshiko's brothers were sitting next to one another— or even across from each other; Itachi sat at one end of the table, while Sasuke sat to Madara who was seated at the other end —there was a tension that had blanketed itself over the family ever since Sasuke had returned home from his time out with the Uzumaki boy, Naruto.

Toshiko sat next to Itachi, across from Shisui while Kakashi sat next to Shisui and Obito sat between Toshiko and Sasuke. Toshiko listened to Obito as he tried to ignore the tension that filled the air by talking about work.

Apparently both his and Kakashi's friend Rin had been late enough to work that morning that instead of getting demerit, she had decided to scale the side of the building and sneak in through an open second floor window, and act as if she'd been there the whole time and had just simply forgotten to clock in.

"It would have worked too if Ebisu wasn't such a snitch ass—"

"—Obito!" Madara snapped, "What have I said about language at the dinner table." He'd long ago found that it was a losing battle to restrict Obito— and Kakashi and Shisui —from swearing in front of Toshiko and Sasuke and had instead taken to implementing the no swearing at the table policy.

"Sorry ōoji-san," Obito apologized, obviously not the slightest bit sorry. He winked at Toshiko causing her to giggle. "Anyway, Rin would have gotten away with it if Ebisu hadn't opened his big fat mouth."

"Did she get in trouble?" Shisui wondered before he took a bite of the miso glazed sea bass both Kakashi and Obito had brought.

"Nah, Shikaku-sama thought the fact she scaled the building in flats was pretty impressive and told her not to do it again cause if she broke her neck he'd a troublesome amount of paperwork to fill out," Obito said and Toshiko, though she had a mouth full of food, couldn't help but giggle.

She could practically see Shikamaru's father in his usual suit and tie staring Nohara Rin down tiredly, the same way he would stare Toshiko, Shikamaru and Choji down after they'd done something they shouldn't have been.

"Nice," Shisui nodded.

Sasuke looked at Obito, a single brow raised. "What is your job?"

"That kiddo—"

"—Don't call me kiddo—"

"—Is none of your business."

"I hate you, you know that?" Obito winked at Sasuke, his tongue clicked loudly in his mouth. Toshiko looked at Itachi who had watching the exchange between Obito and Sasuke fondly. His food uneaten, which was weird because while Obito and Kakashi had brought it and the side dishes that littered the table Kakashi had been the one to cook it.

Kakashi cooked well. Obito couldn't cook, not to save his life. When Madara had told Toshiko that after she and Sasuke had moved in she'd thought perhaps Madara had been exaggerating— that Obito wasn't that bad only to then —a week later watch her cousin try to make ramen only to somehow burn the noodles so badly they'd become glued to the pot he'd been trying to cook in.

After that Toshiko decided that saying Obito being a walking disaster once he stepped foot in the kitchen wasn't just an understatement, it was a lie, because he was so much worse then just a walking disaster in the kitchen.

But Obito hadn't even touched the food; Kakashi had jokingly announced when he'd set it out on the table Obito had even looked at it, which meant Itachi should have been eating it.

Toshiko kicked her brother lightly in the shin. Itachi looked away from Sasuke and to Toshiko.

Why aren't you eating? Toshiko wondered, Food is very good!

"I'm just not that hungry Toshi." Shisui jerked back out of his conversation with Kakashi and looked at Itachi with a pinched expression.

"Itachi," Shisui said warningly.

"I'm not hungry," Itachi said again.

"I really don't care, you know what the—" Shisui cut himself off, he shifted in his seat. Suddenly it wasn't just Itachi and Toshiko looking at him but the rest of the table as well. "—Look you know you have to eat."

"Since when are you Itachi's mom?" Obito chuckled, "If the genius don't want some brain food he can have some later, Bakashi and I will leave the leftovers here."

"Thanks," Shisui said almost dismissively, never looking away from Itachi, "But Itachi here knows why he has to eat."

"I'm just-I'm feeling a little nauseous," Itachi said.

"And the doctors said you have to power through and eat, you need your strength."

"Doctors," Madara said, "You're sick?" Toshiko felt her chopsticks still midair. Sure Itachi hadn't lived with her and Sasuke in years— at least, not year round —but still, she couldn't remember the last time he'd gotten sick.

"Thank's Shisui," Itachi hissed. Shisui looked away from Itachi, like he'd been struck and Toshiko understood why, she had never— in all her life —heard her brother use that tone before. Not when he fought with Sasuke and not when he'd fought with their father before his death; Itachi didn't hiss or snap. And yet he just had.

"Itachi," Madara said. Itachi set his chopsticks down and his hands slid along the length of his legs. The tension that Toshiko and the others had been trying to ignore got thicker as Itachi breathed.

"I didn't want to say anything yet," Itachi started, "I wanted a few days like this but since Shisui had to open his mouth—" Shisui sunk deep into his seat, "—Two weeks ago I went to the hospital. I fainted in one of my classes."

"Why the hell weren't we called?" Obito demanded,

"It was the day after my birthday. I'm eighteen," Itachi's lips turned upwards into a cold kind of smile, almost cruel kind. "At first everyone thought alcohol poisoning and it had been but when the doctors ran their test they found something," Itachi said. He licked his lips and looked away, up at the ceiling. It was quite for a moment and then a second, a pin could have dropped and the household of Uchiha's would have heard it. "I have cancer."

And time stopped. The birds that had been chirping goodnight had stopped and the air had practically been sucked out of the room. Toshiko was ten— two months from eleven —she knew what cancer was. Knew what it meant.

"What do you mean you have cancer?" Madara said slowly, like perhaps he had heard Itachi wrong and Cancer wasn't the word that had popped out of his mouth.

"I have stage two adenocarcinoma lung cancer," Itachi said.

"You're dying?" Sasuke asked, his voice small and hallow. The same way he'd said Dead when Itachi had told him about their parents when he'd woken up after the crash. Like he couldn't grasp the concept and for the first time in her life Toshiko understood what Sasuke had meant when he'd repeated the word Dead.

Because Itachi couldn't have cancer. Couldn't be dying. Couldn't leave her just as their parents couldn't have been dead. Couldn't have already been buried before Sasuke awoke from his coma. Couldn't have left them. But they had. He did. He was going to.

"It's treatable-curable," Shisui said just as Itachi said, "Maybe."

Shisui's head snapped up and to the side, his eyes blazing, "The doctors said with the right treatments you'll be fine."

"They said I might be." Might be fine. Might be dead.

Dead like their parents. Toshiko's legs felt cold. Her head, as the words maybe and cancer and dead played in repeat started to hurt in the same place she still had the scar from the accident. The scar was fine, long hair covered it, and yet it felt the same way it had that night.

"So what you were going to wait on telling us, is that it? Until when, you were leaving!" Sasuke snapped.

"Sasuke—"

"—Shut up!" Sasuke snapped at Kakashi, "Itachi wasn't going to tell us. He was going to spend the summer and the leave and then die!" Toshiko felt the air in her lungs leave at Sasuke's accusation, "I bet he wouldn't let you tell us when that happened either! He'd be dead and when he didn't come home next summer we'd find out then!" Sasuke shouted at Shisui who lips had been pursed together.

"That's not true," Itachi said.

Dead. Itachi was going to be dead. Toshiko could remember her parents in their caskets. She could remember the flowers and how everyone had told her and Itachi their parents had been great people. Itachi was going to be a had. He was going to be dead. To die.

"Like hell it isn't!" Sasuke snapped, "You know I bet you didn't even want to come back, it's written on your face! You didn't want us to ever find out!" Toshiko looked up and saw Itachi's guarded reflection; "So why'd you even come back huh! Just so you could tell Toshiko and I we're not invited to the funeral?"

Dead.

"Will you knock it off and sit down!" Obito snapped, "Let's just talk—"

"—Why! Itachi—"

Dying. Itachi's dying.

Tears started to well up in Toshiko's eyes. Hot and cold at the same time; burning all the same as they fell down her face. Toshiko couldn't breathe. Everyone was yelling. Sasuke was yelling at them and they were yelling at him, at Itachi and Shisui. The room grew smaller.

On the shore line, when Itachi had pulled Sasuke's body from the car and he hadn't been responding Toshiko hadn't been able to register what had been going on. Hadn't grasped that her parents were dying— were already dead —several yards away in the waters depths and that her brother could be dying at her feet. But she understood; at the table, Toshiko understood. She felt like she was back in the car, sinking into the Arakawa river. Her hands shook. She felt like she was on the rivers bank once more.

Because her brother was dying.

She ran. Toshiko didn't look back as she ran from the table and out the back door. She didn't listen to her brothers or cousins calling for her from the wooden deck from the house, urging her to come back and when she heard the crunch of leaves behind her she pushed herself faster until she'd broken through the Nara forests tree line.

Toshiko and Shikamaru had explored the forests depths a thousand times since they'd become friends. Since Osamu had lead her to him, she knew the forest as well as any Nara. Which was why— though her feet hurt from the twigs and rocks she trampled over —she hadn't needed to pause and wipe her eyes so that she could look around at her soundings and figure out where she was, nor did she need to pause because of how dark it was becoming and the shadows that stretched across the forest floor made each turn seem strange.

Because even blindfolded, Toshiko knew where to go.

Toshiko broke though to the Nara property not even a full several minutes later. Her feet aches and were more then likely cut up but as Toshiko's aching heart hammered in her chest she didn't care about her feet or about how the tears running down her face almost seemed to hurt nor did she care that she couldn't breathe.

Because her brother was dying.

Would be dead soon.

"Toshi?" Shikamaru asked, he blinked once before he looked down at her dirty— and bloody —feet. Concern crossed his face instantaneously. His father and him were on the back porch, a portable shogi board between themselves.

Toshiko's mouth opened; her hands rose to explain herself but she couldn't. How could she, her brother had cancer. He was dying. He'd be someone else she had to bury, who she had to learn to live without.

Her mouth closed.

"Toshiko," Shikamaru said, his eyes narrowed and his tone cautious, "What's wrong?"

Everything. But that's not what she signed; over whelmed and with a weight sitting on her chest, leaving her unable to breathe, Toshiko opened her mouth and spoke. For the first time in almost five years she spoke. It was two syllables and not even a real word but it was enough.

"Shika!" She cried. Shikamaru's eyes widened and as she ran to him, he stumbled down the steps with his arms already open and waiting for her; Toshiko crumbled into them. "Itachi!" She cried into her best friends chest, her vice hoarse from both her tears and the years of not speaking.

"Hey," Shikamaru said softly, he turned his head most likely to his father— who must have done something because Shikamaru turned back —his nose brushed along the top of Toshiko's head, "It's okay. It's going to be okay."

"No!" Toshiko sobbed into her best friends chest. It wasn't going to be okay. Itachi was going to die. "It's not!"

"Toshiko," Shikamaru said calmly, his hands on her shoulders, "It's going to be okay." But it wasn't, it was never going to be okay again. She was never going to be okay.

"Tachi has cancer!" Toshiko wailed and Shikamaru, to his credit, didn't freeze when Toshiko said that, nor did he grimaced; like a thousand year old tree who'd withered every storm imaginable Shikamaru abided.

He brought Toshiko back against himself, and hugged her far more tightly then he ever had before. Toshiko could feel the warmth of his skin. He didn't tell her that it would be okay again, instead he hugged her, silently, never once speaking; not when her sobbing had stopped and quieted and he'd lead her over to the deck where Shikaku had a box of bandages in one hand and a bottle of antiseptic spray in the other. A box of baby wipes had been tucked under his arm.

Once they'd taken a seat on the edge of the deck Shikamaru kept his arm around Toshiko's shoulders as Shikaku grabbed her ankle.

"Yoshino is calling your uncle now to let him know you're here and mostly okay," Shikaku said with a pointed and very fatherly— cool and reprimanding —look.

Toshiko chewed her tongue, her fingers gripped the side of Shikamaru's cargo pants. "Thank you," she said quietly, so much so that Shikaku's head bobbed forward, though perhaps— Toshiko supposed —the action was just because she had spoken and Nara Shikaku wasn't sued to that.

"Right," Shikaku said as he grabbed her other ankle and began to clean the bottom of that foot, "Do you mind telling me just why you ran through the forest without any shoes on?"

Toshiko bit her lip. Because she'd needed to get away. Out from the house, away from the yelling and her dying brother. To the safety that was her metaphorical shore; Toshiko paused. Shikamaru wasn't her shore he was her best friend. Sure he made her happy and feel nice but to call him her shore— Toshiko looked at Shikamaru to find that he was already looking at her, his brow was furrowed and there was a piecing gleam on concern in his eyes —was extreme.

And yet, it was right.

Shikamaru had been who Toshiko had run to without really even having to think of. He'd been who her mind had jumped to when it told her to swim to safety. Because. Because she-he. Because—

"Itachi has cancer," Toshiko said, "Couldn't stay." Couldn't breathe. Had to get out.

"Itachi, he's your older brother right?" Toshiko nodded.

"I'm so sorry Toshiko." She shrugged.

"Thank you." How many times had people told her and Itachi how sorry they were at her parents funerals? Hadn't everyone? What did sorry do to bring back the dead. Nothing, and as soon as Itachi died people would be telling her and Sasuke they were sorry, like sorry would bring their brother back.

But it wouldn't.

Toshiko felt tears start to gather in the corners of her eyes once more. Shikamaru didn't tell Toshiko to stop crying and that it was going to be okay as a small and quite sob trembled through Toshiko's body, he just pressed her further under his arm.

Shikaku, done with bandaging her feet, set Toshiko's foot down. "I'll let Yoshino know to tell your uncle that we'll take you back."

"No!" Toshiko jolted forward, "I-please I don't want to go home." Not tonight.

The thought of going home and hearing Sasuke and Itachi— or Sasuke and Shisui or Sasuke and someone else because Toshiko knew Sasuke would be fighting with someone —fighting was nauseating.

The thought of seeing Itachi and knowing that he'd be dead— in five or six or ten months —actually made the bile start to shoot up Toshiko's throat.

Shikaku's brows knitted together.

"Toshiko—" he started, only to be cut off by Shikamaru's long drawn out Dad.

"Toshi's a mess, and she doesn't want to go home. It'd be a drag if she ran out again, wouldn't it? Imagine what could happen if Toshi got lost trying to go to Choji or Naruto's houses in the middle of the night." Shikamaru said knowingly, "She should just sleep here tonight."

"I don't know about that," he sighed, "Your uncle probably wants you all with him after finding out about your brother," Shikaku said to Toshiko. She shrugged, the spiteful reply of What would he know about losing a brother rested on the tip of her tongue.

Her grand uncle had come home to find all but one of his brothers dead. That brother being her grandfather, and even then Madara hadn't been there for her grandfather when he'd died as after Madara had come back. Back then her grandfather Inzuna hadn't wanted anything to do with him.

"Look I'll talk to Yoshino, okay?" Shikaku said, before he stood up. He took the box of bandages and antiseptic inside with him leaving only Toshiko and Shikamaru out on the darkening deck. The lamps attached to the house were the only source of light.

"I'll talk to mom," Shikamaru said, "You know she loves you, if you really don't want to go home she won't make you."

Toshiko's brows rose, Yeah? She asked silently.

"Totally," Shikamaru nodded, "In fact she'll probably try to adopt you like always." Probably; every time Toshiko slept over the Nara home Yoshino would joke about her joining the family and becoming Nara Toshiko as Nara-Uchiha Toshiko was a bit of a mouthful.

It was quite for a moment, the warm summer nights air blew around them. The tips of Shikamaru's traced up and down Toshiko's arm. She was safe and okay, her brother was dying. Toshiko's shoulders shook with unshed sobs as she half wondered what Itachi would look like in his casket.

When he died.

She could remember her parents. Her mothers face had become one with the windshield; she'd died on impact but her father had been alive and with a bloody brow and labored breathing he'd instructed Itachi to get her then an unresponsive Sasuke out of the car and to shore.

"Take care of Sasuke and Toshi," he'd said, he'd then gripped Itachi's arm as Itachi had struggled to unbuckle Toshiko from her car seat. Itachi had frozen under their father touch. "I'm proud of you." And Itachi had cried. As he swam a half conscious Toshiko to shore and rescued Sasuke from the car, he'd cried.

Toshiko wondered what Itachi's last words would be. And as she sobbed into Shikamaru's shoulder she knew she didn't want to hear them. Didn't want to see her brother in a casket; it wasn't fair. She had already lost her parents in such a horrific way was did she have to lose her brother as well?

"Hey," Shikamaru soothed, his fingers ran through her hair, "Relax, okay? You're going to make yourself sick if you don't breathe properly."

"Itachi's going to die," Toshiko said, "He's going to die and he's going to leave me and Sasu behind and it's not fair." What was the point of saving them from the crash if he was only going to die a few years later. What was the point of making them watch him die?

"I'm-I'm sorry," Shikamaru said, "I don't know how to make this better but I'm here for you okay? No matter what you need I'm here for you and I'll talk to mom, alright? You don't have to go back until you're okay."

Lazy, everyone called him lazy and uncaring but they were wrong. Shikamaru was the kindest person Toshiko had ever met. The sweetest, always willing to above and beyond for his friends— his face was warm in the glow of the lamps, only half lit and marred with concern but still beautiful —it was why she liked him so much.

Liked him.

Oh.

Oh.

Toshiko squeezed her eyes shut and wrapped her arms around Shikamaru's middle. Her brother was dying and she liked her best friend. Felling overwhelmed Toshiko breathed in the sent of Shikamaru's shirt— it smelled like detergent and grass and spicy mayo which he must have spilled on himself during dinner —and cried.

Life wasn't fair. It sucked. As Obito would say, it really fucking sucked; but at least she had Shikamaru.


A/N: Hey guys, if you liked the chapter, feel free to leave a comment down below and if you haven't already follow and favorite! :)

Edited: 9/10/21 cause somethings needed to be fixed. I