Yuffie's Plan Chapter 5
Gah, he's refusing to talk to me, as always! 'Stop calling me by that name', he says, 'Stop talking so much blahblahblah.' I roll my eyes as he gives me another of those looks. Why, hello, my name is Vincent Valentine and I'm an annoying prick of a man who can't say anything more than 'stop this' or 'start doing that' or even better, just '...'.
"Are you just going to stand there?" He raises his brow and I stick out my tongue. Hmph. Why, I don't even know why I'm trying to get Tifa and him together. This is for the good of both of them and he damn well be grateful! After all, it's not everyday that someone tries to matchmake you to a woman who is beautiful both inside and out! When my plan succeeds he will be grovelling (can you imagine Vincent grovelling? What a sight that would be!) at my feet, thanking me for the wonderful job I did. I can just imagine it now. 'Oh, Yuffie! Thank you so much for bringing Tifa and I together! Please, accept this humble gift, I'm forever indebted to you!' Then I would look down at him (in the same way he always does, intimidatingly... Well, as intimidating as a I can get) and I'll raise my brow and say '...' and walk away! Or maybe something worse. No, not maybe. Definitely something worse.
Maybe I could burn his house down. Or steal all his valuables, if he has any. Or we could have a little blanket party.. Watch out, Valentine! If you conti- Oh, look. There he goes again, clearing his throat and giving me that look. Fine, fine. Interrupt my thoughts will you? All you needed was someone to help you hold your freaking ladder.
We worked in silence for a while more as I thought of a good way to get information out of Mr. Silent Like A Tomb here. A casual "Hey, so like.. Tifa's single right now, isn't she?"? Nah... Won't work. Valentine's way too sharp for that kind of thing. Should I be direct? Or.. Hmm. Dealing with him is so much more difficult than dealing with Tifa! He's so hard to read and he never gives me a proper answer. As though I'm just some kid. (Which I'm NOT, so shut up.) Maybe I'll start off asking whether he's had any girlfriends lately.. No, wait. He'll just think that I'm interested in him. (No way) Arghhhh. Why can't he be stupid and oblivious to everything like Cloud? That would make things way easier.
"Would the two of you like to have a break for a while? I made cookies if you want them."
Tifa's voice broke the silence so suddenly that I jumped, causing the ladder to shake, Vincent still on top. I quickly regained control of myself and gripped the ladder tightly. I bet Valentine will have a ton to say about this incident now. He's always jumping on me for every little thing. "Ms. Kisaragi, you should be more careful and blahblahblahblah..." I'm not a damn kid, Valentine. So I make a few mistakes. I'm human! It's not like I made you fall or anything. (Oh, the horror!) Oh wait. I forgot. I'm talking to Mr I'm-so-Perfect here. I looked up and, whoop-de-doo, there was Valentine giving me another of his glares again.
"Are you alright, Vincent?" There goes Tifa, being the concerned little mother hen once again. "Here, let me plaster that. Do you want cookies? Sit there, don't move. I'll bring them to you. You need a blanket? Stuffed animal? Wrench? Cooking pot? Flower from the highest mountain in the world? No problem, I'll get it in a jiffy! Just sit and relax!" I let go of the ladder (it doesn't fall) and walked over to where Tifa was standing as she fussed over the (clearly) unscathed man. Oh puh-lease. He's completely unharmed, woman!
Oh, who cares about them! Dear Vinny's enjoying the attention anyway. How many times a day does he get a pretty woman fussing over him anyway? Now, where were those cookies she was talking about anyway? I don't see anything here. Maybe it's in the kitchen or something.. "Hey, Teef.. Where did you put the.. ahh..." Just look at them! For the love of God... Now if that's not (at the very least) attraction, I don't know what is! I don't think I've ever seen Valentine with a softer look on his face. Soooo much better than his dumb glares and his holier-than-Yuffie attitude. Tch. Tifa has all the luck.
Shaking my head, I walk out of the room. I can't stand all that stupid mushy stuff. Unless, of course, it's Cloud and I. Mmm... Cloud... I wonder how Cait is doing? Well, he'd better not mess it up, stupid cat. If he dares to- Oh, hello there, cookies. You smell delicious! I'm sure Tifa won't mind if I had one, or two.. Maybe a couple more. Mmmm, yummy! I love Tifa's cookies. And her cakes. Oh, not forgetting her pies.. Mouthgasm at it's best, seriously! I don't think I've eaten better food anywhere else. Sure beats those weird stuffed jellyfish/octopus/crazy seafood concoctions they come up with in Wutai. Just thinking about it makes me queasy.. Ughhhh.
"Wow, you sure finished off those cookies fast!" Tifa exclaimed incredulously as she walked into the kitchen.
...Huh? When did she come in? I looked over at the plate with the cookies. At least, the plate which used to have cookies. Oops. There was only one left on the plate. God, how many had I eaten already then? I'm going to be so fat. And Cloud won't like me because all I'll be is a big blob of blubber (Alliteration! Go me!) and who likes that anyway? No longer will I be as agile as I am now. No longer will I be able to jump onto tree branches and hide there while spying on unsuspecting victims because once I jump up the branches will break under all that weight! Fat, fat Yuffie Kisaragi will be fated to stay a lonely, fat blob of a spinster, unable to do anything but sit around because she's too fat to move. Oh god. Nooo. That can't happen! I'm too young! That does it. I have to go on a diet. No, no, no. Bad idea. Yuffie Kisaragi never goes on diets. Diets are evil. I'll have to exercise more. Eat healthy (oh noooo.) and all that rubbish. Yes, that's what I'll do.
"Yuffie, you're doing that blanking out into space thing again..."
Oh right. "Eheheheh.. Just thinking." I have to stop doing that! It's just that once I start thinking, I can't help but continue thinking. I mean, it's normal right? To think about something which leads to another and then goes on to something else and so on and so forth? I'm sure I'm not the only one who does that. I remember I once had this teacher who could link anything to something completely different. It was really funny because she would be like "Alright, let's do math" and five minutes later, it's like "...and then she was swallowed by the giant octopus!" See what I mean? Since we're on that topic, I remember once I was late for school and - Whoops. There I go again. I can't help it! Okay. Focus, Yuffie, focuuuussss.
"Heh.. I guess I did it again. Well, I'll go back and do those decorations! Great cookies! See ya!" I bounded out before she could get a single word in. Since Tifa was done with Vamp, this would be the perfect time to ask him about the her! He'll probably be in a state of complete euphoria or something after their little intimate moment just minutes before. Was it minutes? But how can anyone eat like 50 cookies in a few minutes? Nahh.. I'm not even that fast! (A rare moment of humility, yes.) They must have been there for a long time. Damn, I missed the good parts! Oh well, whatever. Mushiness is disgusting anyway.
I re-entered the bar once again just to find dear old vampire man sitting in one of the stalls thinking. Again. It's getting boring. I should do something to snap him out of that.
"Yo, Vinny! Missed me?" Hah, that did it! Fine, scowl at me all you want, I don't care. I wonder what they did just now though.. Alright, alright. I'll ask. It's not like me to be cowardly anyway. "Sooo... What did Tifa do to you, huh? Huh? Bandage up your poor little injured hand? Aww, Vinny.." Ah great. Damn me and my big mouth. Betcha he won't answer that. He takes every goddamn thing so seriously! He's like.. joke-phobic or something. Tell him a joke, poke a little fun and him and BOOM! YOU DIE! Okay, maybe not THAT drastic, but you get the idea.
"...Don't call me that. Tifa and I were merely discussing the decoration plans for the bar and how long it would take..." Ooooh. That guy is unbelievable! Don't take that condescending tone with me, Mr. High and Mighty! Don't think that I can't sense the accusatory tone underneath those words! Hmph. I can hear the hidden message, alright. "Yuffie Kisaragi is a slacker and a nuisance. Blahblahblah I am perfect blahblahblah." Ooh! I have an idea...
"Tch. Whatever. You're no fun, Valentine! Anywayyyy... Don't you think you should get something for Tifa? Y'know.. A present or something! Since she's been, like, so nice to you and all, so it's only nice of you, isn't it? That woman has been helping us COOK and CLEAN and ORGANISE and the least we could do is do something, right? Yes? Of course! I mean, not that you'll be the only one getting her a present, of course, because that would just be downright FREAKY because it might give her the wrong idea, you know, but it's, like, uh.. What's happening is that we were thinking of getting her stuff! Each of us, you know, maybe a toy or something, get it? Well, anyway, would you like to get her something?"
I grin widely as Vincent blinks once. Twice. Hah! This always works. Never once has my super rambling powers ever failed to confuse someone. My grin grows even wider once I hear Vincent's hesitant and slightly confused answer.
"...Hmm. Okay." That's Vincent's way of saying he doesn't really know what you're talking about but he's agreeing anyway. His "hmm"s are equivalent to the typical "uh" or "umm". How do I know? Uh. I just.. do? Yeah. Ehehehe. Come on, now, focus! Cloud! CLOUD! Oh yeahhhh, baby... Come to mama.. I mean, oops, hehehe.. Vincent, yes, hello. What were we saying? Oh yes. Gift. Tifa. Gift.. Hmm. Romantic gift!
"FLOWERS!"
Vincent raises a brow.
"...Flowers?"
I nod furiously. Flowers were PERFECT! Now, let's see.. It's about 4 now, the party starts at around 7.. Decorations are just about completed.. Vinny is being dumb and confused... Wonderful!
"Yes, flowers! Come on, if we go now, we'll be just in time to get them and come back before the party starts!"
Reviews would be much appreciated. I hope this chapter wasn't too boring or anything. I know not much has happened, but I'm intending to have the party in the next chapter and the one after that will either be the last one or second last. There'll definitely be more Cloud/Yuffie action in the future!
