Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Tactics. They are the property of Kinoshita Sakura, got it?

A/N: Thank you to my faithful reviewers thus far that are still giving me something to read about for every chapter. Thank you so much! Please keep em' coming!

Also, if you see text written in bold, black coloring like this it is not Dirina's thoughts. If you don't understand now, read the chapter and perhaps you'll understand then.

Breathe
Chapter 21: Distortion
By: LadyYuina

At a very young age Dirina would visit the lonely monk often. It pleased her that he didn't live too far from her own home, so it was easy to make the trip back and forth without too much trouble. Today, Dirina was feeling really giddy, monk Sanji promised to show her how he made his many sutras. To most children this was perhaps going to be a boring lecture, however, for the small girl she could hardly wait.

A little ways down the dirt pathway Dirina came upon a small green frog. She stopped to look at it, it also stopped it's endless hopping to look up at her. Her bracelet started to jingle gently. Startled, she clamped down a hand on it, this only made the vibrations more noticeable.

"What's going on?" Dirina asked herself out loud. The green frog croaked as if in answer. Dirina took a step forward only to have the frog hop onto her foot. A loud croak escaped its tiny lungs once more. "What do you want, frog?"

"It's talking to you."

The girl's head snapped up. "Monk Sanji!" The emotion she held within her broke loose - she literally panicked. "I don't know what's happening to the bracelet you gave me! It started to shake and this frog jumped onto my foot! What should I do?"

"Simply listen to it."

"Why . . .?" Dirina lifted her foot, causing the frog to hop onto the dirt floor. "I can't understand what it's saying."

"It's because you aren't trying to, Dirina." The monk's eyes traveled to the child's shaking bracelet. "Your bracelet is letting you know; it's responding to the frog."

"You're making no sense . . . are you trying to scare me?" Dirina asked. Her brown eyes studied the monk's face, though she couldn't find a hint of ill-harm anywhere evident on his face. He smiled at her reproachful glare. "You're making fun of me, aren't you?" Monk Sanji shook his head. "Hummmmm . . ."

"Ohohoho, never mind this, let's be on our way to my house. You still want to see how I make sutras, no?"

Dirina wasn't easily dissuaded. "I want an explanation for this before I go anywhere. My bracelet won't stop shaking . . . The frog won't stop staring at me and--"

"Ahahahaha, you're a very clever girl! If you want the frog to leave you alone you must listen to it, not look at it. Listen with your heart, not your mind." Dirina made a notion to close her eyes. "No, no, Dirina, do not close your eyes, you mustn't do it that way. Your eyes must be trained on it, however, do not simply stare, listen instead."

"I--"

"Try it."

While Dirina watched the frog she tried to listen to it as well. It was pretty pointless - the only thing she could hear was its annoying croaking and the shaking of her bracelet. "It's not working, monk Sanji."

"You may go, green frog. She doesn't understand, give her time." As if magically spoken to the frog in its tongue, it hopped away towards the grass. Dirina glared at the frog in amazement. The monk spoke and it actually understood him. "Your bracelet is no longer shaking so let's get going."

"R-right!"

----------

One year later

"Is that everything, Dirina?" her mother asked her. A sullen look was etched onto her features, making her look tired and old. "Before you leave I'd like you to take some cheese with you. He'd like something nice like that."

"Okay, I will, mother."

It's been a year since the Bishop of our town fell ill. No one knows the reason for his sickness, it was only implied that he couldn't get well no matter what anyone did for him. And it has been a year since I've been around monk Sanji, he's retreated to the mountains, claiming that he needed some time in solitude. My only guess was that he was tired of me; my presence, my urge to learn from him, my hindrance. It used to bother me, but not anymore: he's no longer a part of my life. A year is a really long time.

And, it's also been a year since I've mastered the ability to speak to the dead. Back then I didn't know any better, the little green frog was only asking for guidance to the other side. I wonder what it wanted me to do at that time. Surely, I had no powers. It's not as if I even do now, I've never had any powers, nothing spiritual, nothing unnatural. I've . . . I've always been me . . .

Was it for the worse or best that she came along? That she came along to fill any empty space inside my heart, was it okay?

"Bishop, I've brought you some cheese from my mother . . . She knows how fond you are of this kind. So please eat it and get well . . ."

Voice hoarse from coughing much too often, the Bishop replied, "thank you, Dirina, your mother is a very kind woman. I don't know what I would do without her!"

Don't listen to him! He's lying!

"She's doing the best she can." Dirina placed the wrapped cheese by the small bed stand the Bishop kept beside him. She took a minute or so to examine the man's features closely. His cheeks were extremely hollow and sunken looking. His lips were thin and ghastly white in color, they were chapped and broken. The sight of him was pitiful.

You don't really care about this old fool! Look at what he's doing to your mother!

"He's not doing anything!" Dirina said out loud.

"What was that?" The Bishop looked at the girl with uncertainty clearly showing in his eyes. A thin film of liquid flowed from his crusty eyelids. Dirina cringed at the sight of it. "I'm sorry, my eyes are acting up again. Please do look away if you can't stand the sight of me. I don't mind at all."

Dirina suddenly felt bad, her purpose here was to comfort this sickened man, not worsen the situation. She didn't like the way the Bishop looked at her, his eyes were heavy with deep sorrow. He was so far in that she was sure that she'd never understand. It's been a year since she last saw the Bishop's most sunniest smile, warm hands, gentle eyes, and healthy stature. How she missed seeing him that way. Now everything about him took an air of death. Sometimes she could feel her bracelet shaking beside the man's bed.

Were the spirits beckoning to him?

---------

Two weeks later the Bishop of this cozy little town passed away. He did so very quietly, no one knew until the fourth day of his passing away. His corpse smelled, a stench so strong I would never forget it. He smelled of decaying flesh - I almost wanted to vomit at the sight of his body, it was awful. I shouldn't speak of him like this, but there's no point in hiding the truth from myself. I mean why should I? I shouldn't let them manipulate me, the other two. One is mean . . . while the other one is plain evil. I wonder . . . Can I rid them from me? I don't want them anymore. Can they simply disappear? It was already bad enough having one, I don't need two.

My thoughts longer back to the Bishop and to the monk known as Sanji. I compare them though I don't know why. Monk Sanji was nice and so was the Bishop, they were both so alike. Was that why I turned to the Bishop when monk Sanji left? Was that when the other one appeared? She, too, had a spot to fill inside my torn up heart? I'm confused . . . So utterly confused.

"Hello there, are you okay?"

Eyes as listless as the calm sea looked up. "What do you want, monk?"

"Nothing of course. I've only asked about your well-being. You look as if you're in peril, may I ask you if I can be of any assistance?"

"Monk Nanao, why are you talking to her?" A silver haired boy stepped into Dirina's line of vision. He was a petite boy, when she was his age she was a lot taller than him, she even had more meat on her bones. Although she was not assuming that he was malnourished in any way, in fact, he looked pretty healthy. His blood colored orbs looked up at her warily. They reminded her of her own eyes . . . Reminded her of uncertainty and fear.

"Cute kid," Dirina commented, "what's his name?" She instinctively smiled at the child who shied away by her gesture.

"His name is Kantarou. Go introduce yourself properly." The monk pushed the boy towards the brown eyes woman.

"My name is Ichinomiya Kantarou . . . It's a pleasure to meet you . . ." Kantarou bowed.

"My name is Dirina."

"Can we go now?" The silver haired boy tugged at monk Nanao's sleeve roughly. Dirina couldn't understand why the child was in such a rush to leave. It made her wonder if she had upset him somehow. "Come on . . . you promised me."

"In a moment, Kantarou." Turning to the woman, the monk said, "use this, it'll help heal the swelling on your face. Please do take care of yourself."

Swelling on my face?

Dirina's hands went to her face to feel the proclaimed bump there.

Oh, how could I forget about this . . . I received it when I fell hard on my face. Heh, how careless of me. How'd that happen anyway? Oh well.

----------

"Dirina, what kind of food is this?" Rekkugen poked at it with his chopsticks, eyeing it critically. "Are you sure it's edible?"

"Of course, it's only octopus," Dirina answered. She looked at her companion for a moment. "You know, you're much softer than before. You were always such a tyrant back then." Rekkugen cocked an eyebrow at her. "Perhaps your attitude changed because of the other being known as Haruka?"

"Haruka, heh, I don't even know the guy. You speak as if you're familiar with him. Nothing funny happened while I was gone, correct?" he drawled. A hard tug on Dirina's arm signified that he had control over her and that she was his woman. No one else's. Dirina shrugged him off, stating that she had no interest in Haruka whatsoever. "Good." Rekkugen scratched at a fang and winced, "I'm itching to kill something, let's go hunting for fun. Anything moving, breathing, and warm will do."

"Thought you'd never suggest this."

Dirina and Rekkugen stepped out into the open to the pitch black of night.

----------

That kid, he was incredibly cute. It's funny how I can't stop thinking about him. If he were my son I'd love him with everything that I am. Absolutely everything. Such foolish thoughts! I don't even have a husband let alone a child. I really, really, really, do want a child. Boy or girl wouldn't matter to me. Kantarou . . . That was his name. It feels cool to the voice, amazingly wonderful to my lips. I hope to meet him again one day.

This burning desire I feel to see him now is very forthcoming. Why is it that I feel this urge? What makes me attracted to that child? His adorable smile, bright red eyes, and abnormally colored hair. His small hands were trembling when I first met him, I didn't want him to be afraid of me . . .

He doesn't like you, can't you tell, Dirina?

That's not true! Kantarou was merely shy! He . . . He wasn't afraid . . .

Hah! Look at you! You're pathetic! Stop pining over a child like him! He's nothing special!

I will see him again someday because he is special. Just watch me.

----------

"Monk Nanao, who was that woman that we met the other day? I can remember the way she looks, but I can't remember her name."

"Haha, don't fret over it," monk Nanao replied. He expertly sliced through a ripe cantaloupe, neatly halving it dead set in the center. Kantarou watched with a fascinated expression on his face. Monk Nanao handed out a slice to him. "Here you are." The child immediately took a bite out of the orange colored flesh. "Is it juicy and sweet?" Kantarou nodded.

Smiling, monk Nanao ate one too. For the rest of the afternoon Kantarou and the monk sat on the porch eating fresh cantaloupe.

----------

You've gone mad for that child! Why is it that you want to see him so?

Like before Dirina started to talk to her own mind mentally.

I really want to see him. I won't deny that, I feel a great aura coming from him; he's definitely special. I think--

Stop talking such nonsense! A stupid woman like you can never know anything!

I'm going to see him.

What!

Right now . . . I want to see him, even if it may be my last . . . You, the stupid voice in my head isn't going to stop me. Now leave me alone.

I can't do that. You're the one who created me after all. There's nowhere for me to go other than remain here in your mind.

Hmph.

It didn't take very long for Dirina to arrive at her designated location. She started to tremble, unable to contain the overwhelming happiness that she was feeling. Luckily for her the voiced remained tight-lipped, if it were to talk now she was pretty sure it'd easily persuade her to go back. Very carefully Dirina walked up the steps to the house, not really understanding why she came to this particular home, however, she had a strong feeling that the child lived here. She knocked.

"Coming!" She could hear the child's voice. Her heart beat faster at the anticipation: the door slid open.

"Oh." Red colored orbs looked up at her.

"Uh, hi . . ." Dirina wanted to say his name, but she didn't want to scare the child. "Is the monk home . . .?"

"Yes."

"May I speak to him?" Dirina fought back the urge to run a hand through the boy's silver strands. She tried her best to smile sweetly at him, looking as good-natured as possible. Dirina's smile grew wider when the child returned the gesture shyly.

"Wait right here, I'll go get him."

Dirina could see the outline of Kantarou following behind the monk when he came to the door. To her disappointment he dismissed the child so they could talk in private. Putting her hands behind her back Dirina slipped off her thirteen belled bracelet and clutched it tightly in one hand.

"So, we meet again. How did you know I lived here?"

"I-I guessed I suppose."

Dirina sweat dropped, yet, she was telling the truth. It was only a hunch on her part as to how she accidentally stumbled upon them in this house.

"Ah, I see, moreover, Dirina, how have you been as of late?" the monk asked.

"You remember my name?"

"Of course."

Frowning slightly, Dirina tried to test herself. "You're monk . . . Momo, right?" The man shook his head. Dirina automatically blushed, mentally kicking herself for her idiotic mistake.

"It's all right if you can't remember me. My name is Nanao."

"Oh! Oh yes, that's right! Monk Nanao!" Dirina brought her hands forward then, presenting her bracelet to the monk. He looked at it curiously. "I want you to give this to that child that stays here with you."

"Kantarou?"

"Yes, him. I feel that he's a very special boy, so I want him to have this. I'm pretty sure he will like it."

"Monk Sanji."

Bright brown eyes blinked several times, Dirina gave monk Nanao a confused gaze for a moment. Then she looked down at her bracelet, a soft tingling sensation ran along her body from her hands.

"Monk Sanji is a great monk, I do hope he is doing well?" Monk Nanao asked.

They know each other?

"Do you know his whereabouts?" Dirina slapped a hand to her mouth, eyes widening slightly. The hand that still held the bracelet was still extended outward - it was a rather rude gesture to give a gift with one hand, but monk Nanao didn't seem to mind. Recovering, she said, "I-I'm sorry, I'll be on my way now. It was nice seeing you and Kantarou again after all this time."

Monk Nanao took the bracelet from her.

"I'll make sure he gets this."

"Thank you."

Dirina, you're so pathetic. Just disappear.

Chapter 21: END